₦airaland Forum

Nonsoboy4life:
The above isn't really true sis...my galfriend of 3 years was having sex with the papa of one of these Christain bodies she met while serving. It cuts across them too, that I can tell u

This one is very strong...

Eleyi le gidigan

johnkey:
when we say marry for love you no go gree but rushing into marraige with all those semi illiterate ibo businessmen that have hustled all the libido in them away , I'll continue to lash people's wives until I kpain

Ha!

Uncummed woman

NL always on point.

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of healthy parents leaving apart .

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

@ bold:

I believe this is very true and I think the advise 'stay for your kids' in a toxic situation is demonic. The danger with leaving apart is that the children might be willing to walk out in amendable situations and/or the kids not knowing how to function properly in a marriage because no examples and they are not willing to learn.

crackland:
Una own children go still complain about una own style of parenting.

Just wait small...

As in!

You think 'I am not going to do this, I will be more patient, more woke' and gbam! you are doing it.

NL will still be alive.

I enjoyed my mom's parenting style with very minor tweaks though.

vastolord4:
It also depends on the parents upbringing. My dad was brought up by his uncle who lived in the USA so his thinking differs a bit from the typical African parent. Just imagine the mixture of the African and western upbringing on my dad. He was strictly strict but also saw things from my point of view after scolding me though.

The Africanness can't die, can only be watered down

Lionessza6:
LMFAO, true. It's indoctrination, a cycle of negativity that only takes one generation to fix in the family . It's like human trafficking, you find out that some of the people that were victims once tend to end- up being traffickers themselves.

Toor

Omolego:
Hmmmm, this deep, m still single ,I don't know what to advice , but your story looks like my mum's aunts own.
My mama always gist me how smart the woman became, she always beg her husband to build even if its a 1 bedroom but he preferred building for his family siblings and all that in guise of family first then his, and say the siblings trained him ,& he was a big man, he would do all of his own at convenient,
When the woman got tired & knew her husband won't change, she started stealing his money and finding avenues to take from him without knowing/she took a dangerous leap and built her house (upstairs, & it was their children names that where in all the properties) without him knowing , it got to a point she said they should relocate to one of her houses she built ,(and she was working too then), & they lived in a big way, changed the children school and Lied on the school fees .she was taking house rent and extra from skol fees and other tenancy rate. Without even her own extended family knowing but she told her grown up kids, they knew how their dad settled his siblings & parents first, when he retired and was paid , he use almost 80% to tend to family and by the time the woman she found out, had to find a way to take the remaining 20%,

In conclusion when his family turned their backs on him and said they didn't send him message ooo, he went back to cry and he realised at old age nothing to be done, no work, well d wife confessed to him and surprisingly he was happy she dealt with him that way, he didn't take offence and even apologised to his wife and kids and her niece who suffered and endured his foolishness when he was agile.

In conclusion:- you alone knows what works for you, apply wisdom and pls pray to Jehovah God, as I said earlier it was a story i heard,and I never met her, she was my great aunt & men then in those days where mild at character,.. But reading your story reminded me of my childhood stories abt her and I smiled, #memories of an happy childhood

@Bold:

Biko, permit me to laugh

I am not disputing their mildness or otherwise; I just found the statement funny

pDudd:
That's right bro. You won't lying.

All women bring to the table these days is an expired pussy or a kid or kids from her baby daddy. They are broke, lack zero skills, and from poor semovita backgrounds.

If she isn't Beyonce or Rihanna that can add value to my life, then let her carry her expired kpekus and baggage and commot from my front. Empty barrels.

Man must wise now. Days of dulling are over.

I shudder to think of the women around you.

Change your circle bro.

Youths have always seen NYSC as a period of sexacapes because they are almost anonymous and frolicking with peeps they might never see again.

It is a male & female issue and takes a lot of self-discipline and commitment to relationships to be faithful/celibate. While the ladies sleep more with their fellow corps members, the guys roll with the ladies and women of their host community.

First step is identifying with your religious fellowship and other accountability partners so you don't have the illusion of 'freedom'.

So many people have lost stuff they can't regain in that year.

StrongandMighty:
No mind them they'll learn the hard..
especially those guys that are attacking the op here thinking that their gfs are faithful, they'll surely learn the hard way

Except these girls are lesbians or all the men are NOT involved with any lady, both parties are cheating

Do these 'dangerous' young men carry this skill of satisfaction into marriage or does it die with them on the wedding night?

So we know if they will outlive their usefulness this generation or if it is a cycle.

Just curious.

Dainy1:
He said he was bored at home. The lady live across his street. The lock down has really giving many people opportunity to get to know each other within the neighborhood.
And this is where he find himself.

What exactly is the problem?

A bored boy meets a bored girl and they start having sex with the freedom of no committment.

Is that a happily ever after story?

Or is your friend/ you interested in the girl beyond sex?

I saw somewhere he wants/ supposed to marry this year (just 7 months left) and he is still having undefined sex with someone else.

One woman would marry him and think she has found husband.

OmoDavido:
You wey marry first born, what do you expect.

Just be a good wife and don't turn to your husband against his family members.

Like one of my uncle, that his igbo wife has turned against us. Him and his family are enjoying life in USA and touring everywhere in the world, to the extent of even sponsoring everything about his wife's junior sister and taking her along with them to the USA to chop life.

But we his brothers, no dey see shi shi.

Perhaps you guys should use what your brother has already done to rid yourselves of the 'gimme' mentality and let him have peace.

This story is just one episode to conclude if they are compatible or not.

Dainy1:
What's your take on this?
A lady is carelessly have pre marrital sex with my friend. She doesn't ask him for money, my friend didn't ask her out. They just met in a car and that very day decided to meet later that day in his apartment and ended up having sex. Nothing attached, she doesn't care. She seems not to bother herself about marriage, relationship or anything, although she's a very nice lady, but my friend is worried. Could she be up to something? Or what do you think?

Your friend is very careless to have sex with a random girl.

Because right now, it is you and your friend that are worried, not the girl pressuring him into a relationship.

I thought this is the future and progression 'moral freedom fighters' worked hard for?

As to the niceness, I heard mammywater and ogbange are very nice girls till you offend them. This your friend's worrying might just be a trigger.

I don't think 'a male not putting on women's clothing and vice versa' is a verse enough to get ladies to stop wearing trousers because same passage talks of mixed cropping, mixing materials and no balconies.

Some ladies decide not to wear trousers due to their denomination, conviction or divine instruction E. G. me.

ProfAmaben:
I'm the first born of my family and happily married. I have 4 siblings with one staying with us, there is no indoctrination here, just common sense. I trained my kid bro by buying him an online udemy python programming course for $15, today he's doing well in Lagos, my junior sister is also doing well, I don't dash money but you must use it to acquire a skill

Good for you, in some families, it is like a yolk on their neck.

That said, you can also drop hints for the OP so she can use them on her husband.

ProfAmaben:
For your husband to say that you are turning him against his family means he's myopic in reasoning. Everyone should be smart to know that their family comes first. What if he loses his job or business goes bad, who would help him? I'm sure he hasn't even built his house, helping is good, not at your detriment

It is easy for you to say because you were not indoctrinated with 'helping' your siblings as the first born.

I have seen this play over and over again.

A number of them even married very very late to 'cater' for their siblings.

ProfAmaben:
Some men don't love their immediate family, they naturally prefer the one they grew up with, stop paying some of these bills let's see how he would send free cash. Also, have your solid savings because this kind man fit die anytime from pressure.

For some, it is not necessarily hatred for their wife and kids....

That is what they saw their father do or they also benefited from one uncle working like a slave to serve them.

Not paying some bills again might not work if he has an idea of her earnings.

It now becomes 'she hates his family and doesn't want him to take care of them'.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name.

Ok.

Do you want to solve the problem permanently and live in love, harmony and planning together

OR

Do you want to solve the problem with a temporary equally damaging measure and live with bitterness in your heart like a 'Nigerian wife?'

Does buying the land change the fact that his family is capitalizing on his sense of 'duty' to suck him dry and leaving you to pick up the bills you are currently complaining about?

The choice is yours ma'am.

ProfAmaben:
You refer to your in-laws as leeches? I would give you a mark you'll never forget

Families could be leeches and parasites.

And that picture is horrible.

bestabigaelever:
Lol, don't mind me sis
Picky kinni? That's is not being picky my sister...that is being stingy, don't you read the part he said he can't give the wife money to cook fish or meat just because he doesn't eat it
Leave him for me
Sholoun stupid ni

@bold:

The OP is on another level; he likes the taste of meat stew but doesn't want the meat and doesn't want the wife to eat it either.

I guess they will throw it away after using it to cook.

Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

bestabigaelever:
I will cook your food separately with your money
My own too separately with my money
I have like 5copies of the bride price list, I will forward that ASAP

You mean business

On a serious note though: I couldn't imagine marrying a husband who is a picky/fussy eater. I am too creative for such.

I can't even imagine my mother's reaction

My liver nor reach

More like 'finish it' or 'just pour water into the tin'

However, I hated the light tea made in the general teapot so I took my two spoons and added drops on water.

I rather drink quarter cup of thick tea than a full cup of light tea. This still generated rukus with my mom but since it was my portion, I could prepare it as I deemed fit.

The highlight is still adding freshly roasted groundnuts inside very thick milo (one drop of water to one spoon of milo) and freezing it.

Nobi today I start to negotiate a win-win situation

NoToPile:
Lool


If you use Glo you can subscribe for Sunday plan 1.5G for 200 naira that's what I use for downloading stuffs like this.

I use MTN.

Their 30Gb for N5k as we are working from home now.

Plead:
Do females naturally or automatically have instincts to cook ? Probably no. It is because of the kind of grooming they received while growing up or what they saw their mother doing that they later take cooking as hobby.
Same applies for sweeping,watching and keeping dishes.
As for the beautification aspect,I wouldn’t say it depends on society but rather the individual.
There are many men who are better at home beautification than women.

You obviously did not read the post you quoted.

Boiling rice and beans or making eba to Afang soup in the freezer is different from gathering the whole family on Saturday and trying the banana bread recipe you saw on youtube.

silencer73:
1. Think like a gangster.
2. Act like a gentleman.
3. Speak like a businessman.
4. Walk like a lion.
5. Treat everyone like they were your mom.

You’ll be winning at every level of life.

Why don't you expatiate your points so it reinforces the message? Else we would be thinking like the post below :

spinna:
Se them no go think say something dey do you when you're walking majestically on all fours?

spinna:
Se them no go think say something dey do you when you're walking majestically on all fours?

Local woman cannot can

Bukayne, don't resurrect this thread.

Don't, don't, don't.

Done! Gbam!

Strange interview.

The peace keeping was obviously from the woman's end alone.

Zonta Club is basically an organisation meant to liberate women and improve their lot educationally, professionally, politically, socially, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and economically. We aim at a total woman.

@Bold: Hmmmm

How do you do this effectively while running the typical Nigerian marriage?

Could it be why the women advocacy thingy is not effective?