₦airaland Forum

WittyLad:
Jagaban
I think it's high time you call this man

This your bill board na wa!

Smartchoiice:
Covenant can be between multiple people

Hahahahahahahaha!

Nice one, I did not see that coming.

Marriage covenant is between the first two parties that got married.

You do not have covenants with the side chics, you are only joining your spirit with theirs.

1Sharon:
She's using the spiritual reason as an excuse. She doesn't want to pay money for his treatment

But they want to treat him for her.

She is not to pay anything, just give consent.

Newsfash:
A writer and researchers has highlighted eight reasons why she believes premarital sex is actually a good thing.

Says, Culturally, society's attitude toward women and sex is pretty messed up.

Society tells us that it's dirty, filthy, and wrong, and women who have it are sinners who have to pretend that they don't know what a male organ looks like.

Then, on that magical day at some point in their adulthood, those formerly dirty women get married (if any guy will still have them and their tattered hymens) and the sex act, a thing they've been doing in a dirty way for years, suddenly transforms into an amazing and blessed experience.

Sex, you see, is a very bad, dirty thing that you should only do with someone you love very, very much.

Click below link to read full articles

https://www.damsinier.com.ng/2020/02/see-reasons-why-sx-before-marriage-is.html

I clicked just to view.

The blog is too clumsy and filled with adverts cluttered about. Move the ads to one side.

The article itself says nothing.

IyaTola:
My dad died in 2016 and mom retired in 2018. It been tough but God has been faithful.

Our eldest sister married in 2009 and my dad bankrolled the wedding because her husband was not financially buoyant.

After service, I went to stay with them, during that period the husband borrowed N20k from me and told me not to tell my sister.

We decided to go after my dad pension money since we needed money for mom's health and well being which our sister has been championing. Upon receiving the money after a tedious process we decided to help the ones that are not doing too well in the family and invest the remaining money in Govt investment. At the expiration of the investment she decided that mom need to get medical attention.

My sister decided she should come stay with her since she is in a place where she could get the best of treatment.

The money that was supposed to to be for moms medical 2.3m she borrowed her husband hoping to pay in a weeks time, now she is saying it will be in six months. And the hubby has not given me my N20k since 2011. Although there was a time moms was ill the hubby took care of it which she claims ran into millions of naira. Hubby also borrowed kid brother with N200k for his project (fencing of his landed property just to secure it) , which we are all aware of and his been paying back gradually

She said that she borrowed her hubby the money to pay back in 8 months or less, they have a land worth 3m than can be converted to cash easily if we need money desperately. Hubby was supposed to pay back in a weeks time but disappointment here and there. She can't leave her hubby in trying times, that hubby has been more depressed with the delays and have High blood pressure issues.

Does that giver her the right to give hubby money without informing us?
Is hubby business more important than mom's health?
Why didn't they sell part of the land to use the money?
Why must it be family money?
Why did they go to the bank to get the loan?

I need help as to what to do?

How does your sister borrow money that is not hers to her husband?

Money she knows the specific purpose is for your mother's treatment?

Let her cough out the money.

GODWIN78:
instead of cheating i,think he should legalise it by taking her as second wife,instead of cheating .

You see, yet another option.

truthsayer009:
Certainly their husbands aren't financially capable enough to bear the cost & they couldn't continue to wait for the man's excuse of there is no money now, so let's wait a little while.

It was not a case of I am happy footing the bills, or I'm happy doing it 50/50.

At the end of the day, women all want Rich spouses but in reality how many will end up with one?

I can tell you my eldest sister had a similar story and she was definitely mad about it lmao.

You think those educated Igbo ladies who married Rich indigenous business Men from Anambra don't know what their doing, abeg leave story.

Can we tie this wedding bills thingy to culture?

In Yoruba land, the wife's family foots the feeding which is bulk of the bills. The couple would sort out the clothes, halls etc. There would still be sponsors who would pick certain stuffs like photography, rings etc. depending on their pocket.

When my male relatives were getting married, the husbands send bulk money to the wives' family and they sort out everything. We strolled there and went to flex.

When my female relatives got married, we started running around months to.

Work wan kill person die even with hired caterers with visiting the market as if the world is coming to an end.

The bride price sef is returned and while the groom brings engagement list, the bride's family still give gifts to the groom's family on their way home.

This is why the traditional and white weddings are done at the wife's base.

Please specify the culture abeg before I vex.

Don't rubbish the efforts Yoruba brides and their families put into making the wedding (which is also like a send forth ceremony) a success.

JONNYSPUTE:
. The truth of the matter is that most of you ladies find it difficult to have a mutual relationship with your in-laws, including my wife.

Well, it is not difficult for me because of the systems in place.

Dominiondominio:
I’m a 26 years old woman married to a 37 years old man. We have been married for almost 3years. We don’t have kids yet and 6 months ago I ended up in hospital with sepsis. The doctors originally thought it was caused by a kidney infection but later found that it was caused by Pelvic Inflammatory disease. They repeatedly asked about my sexual history but I have only slept with one person in the past 3years- my husband.I ended up having to have emergency surgery as the infection would not respond to the IV antibiotics they were giving me. I was in hospital for 10 days and have potential long- term damage which will affect my ability to have children.
I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me a number of times throughout our marriage and that the Pelvic inflammation was caused by untreated Gonorrhoea.
When I was discharged from hospital, he admitted that he has been cheating on me with a single mother of 4(unprotected sex ) And he got the gonorrhea!How irresponsible! I am completely devastated and don't want to believe that the love of my life could be so callous. I very nearly died and if it were not for the brilliant doctors who quickly recognised my symptoms. Of course the woman my husband got the gonorrhea from denied everything and I bet she won’t go get treated and will continue to spread this nasty and dangerous disease! She is done with having kids so why would she care, right? Well, I do want to have kids and I won’t let my fertility and health taken away! the emotional damage caused by the infidelity itself is horrible. I feel angry, dirty, and ugly. All I want to do is cry all day. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel so ashamed. The person I trust the most is my mother but i don't want to break her heart. I know that to her my happiness matters the most and I think she would be angry at me the rest of her life if I told her that I still love my husband. My husband feels remorseful and said he would never cheat on me again. He said he would choose me over any lifestyle and that he would give up everything for me. I have a very hard time trusting him again and I still don't know what I want from this whole thing. I just can't understand why my husband would have sex with a disgusting, nasty woman and betray me on so many levels. My pride got hurt so badly. I feel so ugly and worthless. My libido is absolutely gone. I feel empty inside. Then all the sudden I feel horrible, horrible anger and I want to break everything in sight. On some nights I can't sleep and sometimes I want to sleep all day. Most days I'm not even hungry and I have to force myself to eat something. I feel like I will never be happy again. I used to be a happy, confident, bubbly person, now my zest for life is gone. Is this normal? Will these feelings ever go away?

Aunty,

If you can't have kids (according to the doctor), please start planning of adoption now. If you can with medical treatments, please start now.

Also decide if you still want the marriage.

Goodluck.

Acidosis:
That's what you get when you marry your ancestor. A friend (mostly a partner in your age group) wouldn't cheat on you with a married woman of 4 kids.

This is funny.

Smartchoiice:
So far so good...men have been advocating for random sex partners

Why enter the covenant of marriage if you want multiple sex partners?

Pastor Adeboye advising politicians to cut their pay by 50%.

Interesting.

Next.

Are Nigerian men truly scare?

JONNYSPUTE:
. Please be honest here. For the Omugwo,it's your own mum that is supposed to come not your mother in-law except your mum is no more and even in such cases, your siblings are the ones who are supposed to take care of you.

But if the situation arises that your MIL is the one that comes around and your husband didn't see anything wrong for you going to the market in such condition,then blame him.Dont put the blame on your MIL. Your husband is supposed to have sense and know that you re not fit for such duties at that particular point.

Did you read what you just wrote?

Shouldn't the MIL who has had children be more empathetic to the wife?

Would she allow her own daughter go to the market in such condition irrespective of what her SIL thinks?

You are just making people's argument for them.

Triniti:
You are always spot on bro. The one thing that amaze me about these foreign lifestyles that our women copy is that the core westerners not British and Americans still maintain a close knitted family circle. They don’t joke with it, Italians and Russians and some other Europeans are just like us. They know the essence of it. Yes, we know that’s some siblings are troublesome and never do well, but that can never change who we are as Africans, women should learn to live with that

@bold:

Rich.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. See,the issue here is not about being serious or bringing an in-law as a help,rather you women should work on your insecurities. No need sugar coating it or flogging a dead horse You all know the truth but can't say it.

And what is the truth?

That some women don't want their in-laws around?
That some in-laws do not know their place?
That some men don't want their in-laws around?

Every party in the in-law relationship is a suspect when there is fracas. Some of these men couldn't stand the relative and suddenly expects the wife to be a saint. Others avoided their parents because of their constant criticism yet are 'surprised' when the wife complains about same thing.

Let's not pretend in-laws especially from the husband's family are saints who are victims of witch wives. Infact, an average MIL does not behave same way in her daughter's house and in her son's house. I interact with people who are in-laws on both sides so I know. Some of them already expect the wife to be willing to take shit just because. I schooled in my state that exposed me to a lot of shenanigans. I have seen a lady switch mattress with another because she is 'dating her brother' and they lived in same compound. I have seen wives serve (and even kneel in greeting) for their SIL kids. And these people are not this crazy in their sister's homes because they feel they are the 'inferior' family there.

It is then we hear stories of how the husband's family suffered to train him like the wife is an orphan or fell from the sky.

Each fracas should be treated on a case by case basis and objectively. What you would not take, do not dish it because you are an in-law.

And if there is an uproar because a wife is angry her BIL serves himself from the pot and doesn't clean up, imagine the chaos if she had him as a help and instructed him to do something in the house.

From Bible times to the little Yoruba culture I know, helps come from the wife's family.

dominique:
I know the bride's family sponsors a large chunk of the wedding amongst the Yorubas but poverty has done a number on some people that they now shed the responsibility on the groom and his family. Now for ordinary intro, the lady will request for money from the man to host him and his family. I don't know of I should blame poverty or entitlement mentality for this

This must be new and a shame to the girl's family.

Michellekabod2:
A man being the leader.

Note:I don't see a man or woman leading as oppression, if both mutually agree to it

The husband is the leader in the home.

This style of leadership named 'servant leaders' is leading strictly by example and doing everything for the greater good of the family.

The issue would be if a woman marries a Christian in mouth only who would seek to culture to suppress her under the guise of religion or 'submission'.

Michellekabod2:
Budaatum will yet deny ferociously that the Bible doesn't endorse patriarchy to save his/her holy book blame

What do you mean by patriarchy in this case?

donstan18:
Imagine! So bad of her.

But trust me Buka, the sister's husband will end up not chasing her out despite the attitude she possessed. That's men for you. They naturally respect their wives relatives for peace to reign.

But women don't! That's all we are asking.
Nigerian wives should Respect and be nice to their husband's relatives. They should accommodate and stop looking for fault.

That's all.

@Bold:

I laugh in Spanish!

He almost did. It took a lot of placating from the wife and he had to stop a number of privileges.

The SIL in this case crossed the line and the wife put her in her place.

Perhaps that is what women are expecting from their husbands too; be objective enough to put your family in their place when they over reach.

donstan18:
That's my baby

Now you are talking!!

The Buka baby I know is now making sense!

Bubu'm

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe!

Of course, I have said something you want to hear

I am not oblivious to the facts on ground from all fronts unlike most men who think their relatives are saints.

For all the stereotypes that the wives' relatives are calm and are protective of the marriage, I know a lady that cooked and ate it alone in her married sister's house. Sister was on a trip so little sister was with hubby.

When questioned, she said she did not like how the husband treated her sister.

Imagine such guts!

dammylarey:
Hello everyone,

With the prevalence of hackers on groups, they hacked my group already and I mailed whatsapp but they couldn't help me out...�
we need to quickly address this issue before it get out of hand.

Hackers now hack WhatsApp Accounts and exploit people on your list and give them fake news.

They act on your integrity.
They'll change your phone number to theirs and replace you in whatsoever group you belong.

In order to prevent such a thing from happening to you because only God knows who the next victim will be.

*Follow these steps:*

1. Go to settings on your WhatsApp,

2. Click on Account,

3. Click on Two- step verification,

4. Enter pin,

5. Input your email address

6. And save, that's all.

If someone wants to change it, WhatsApp will ask for the Two-step verification and without it the account won't open.

Let's be cautious and safe. It cost you nothing to safeguard your privacy.

Thanks.

Thank you, this is very helpful.

mundus:
I just had an interesting conversation with a Whatsapp hacker this evening.

The guy called and asked me if I was in the “Support Tinubu” Whatsapp group. I said no, he mentioned two other group names and I finally claimed to be in one.

He asked what network I was using and I said MTN, he told me he’s the group admin and that’s he’s giving everyone in the group 3,000 airtime. However, he will need to authenticate that I am an actual member of the group.

While still on the call, my phone beeped! Oga has requested for change of Whatsapp number and they had sent me the verification code to authenticate that. Oga asked me to call out the code, I called a wrong one, it didn’t work, he did the request again and Whatsapp sent another code, he asked of it and I called the wrong one again.

Oga was now getting frustrated. That I will lose the 3,000 airtime if I don’t get the number right the next time. Oga requested again and they sent yet another code. As usual I called out a wrong number. You need to see me arguing that the code was actually what Whatsapp sent. Oga started cursing me. I didn’t hesitate to curse him back. �

I feel fulfilled that Oga wasted at least N50 on me this evening �.

If I fall for this kind of hack then I should be ashamed of myself. FUTO will have to refund me the school fees I paid for five years. This is the most basic form of social engineering and only those who are naive, ignorant and greedy should fall for it.

Anything that has to do with verification codes, OTP, PINS and passwords are for your USE only. Under no circumstances should you give it out, not even in the face of a potential 10 million naira winning �. You will lose your account.

Stay woke and enable 2factor authentication on all your accounts.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk tonight.

(c) http://mundus.ng/whatsapp-hack-my-experience/

Often times, fraudsters work on the greed and naiveness of their victims.

donstan18:
99.468% of 0.621 are non-virgins with home training, good tolerating spirit and good accommodating spirit. But I don't do non-virgin, I do virgin because they are reserved, peaceful, loyal, respectful, no sense of entitlement, not sexually wayward, well-mannered, intact womb, no shifted womb, no saggy boobs, no porridge ass, no stretchmarks, intact hymen, no sagging pussay, infact they are blessing to humanity.

In case you don't know, Nigerian wives don't wanna notice the goodness in some husband's relatives because they don't like them. You can't see good in someone you dislike, that's the problem they are battling.

@bold:

No lele, you are only marrying one woman. Hope you are bringing corresponding qualities to the table? Or it is only money that is not even enough as a 'Nigerian' husband?

If I remember correctly, you were the poster who wanted a virgin wife so she would be satisfied with whatever sex you give her? As in, you would not be challenged to satisfy her because you think she doesn't know better.

Are there women who do not want their husband's relatives around while they accommodate theirs? 100% Yes.

However unless you married such knowingly, It would be strange to assume your wife is always in the wrong in a fracas with your family.

donstan18:
Women only look for fault in people they hate.

99.379% of Nigerian wives hates their husband's relatives and don't like seeing them in their home.

Marry out of the 0.621% then.

All husbands' relatives are good and know their place.

Even the ones the husband couldn't stand while with them.

donstan18:
The question should be......


Do Nigerian wives complain about their own relatives the way they do to their husband's relatives? NO!

Why? Because they are naturally selfish, self-centered and will always want reap where they did not sow with their relatives.

So spare us those gibberish you scribbled there and get the fvck out of here.

@Bold:

If we were to accept the OP at face value, how can the wives' relatives do the bold below?

Validcode:
A lot of women in Nigeria don't like it when their in-laws visit for these reasons:

Nigerian in-laws often display a sense of entitlement when they come around. They start behaving as if all the things in the house belongs to the man. Even when wife is a graduate and earns more than husband.

Claim right and take things without permission.

Never want to cook or clean up after themselves.

They only come to your house for extended stays when you're better off than them. If you marry a man when he was broke and struggling, they'll start coming for extended visits when things become rosy.

Most of their visits are fact finding mission. Husband's nephew visits, give report to his mom(sister in law) , she forwards to the rest of the family. This is why many women say they don't want anyone to invade their privacy.

Please feel free to add yours.

adexpa:
I have seen quite a lot of interesting topics here on nairaland this fresh year that we just spent 48 days out of 365 days. I can confess that they are all quite interesting and educative.

I will love to share little light on the issue of responsibilities in family or relationship as regards NIGERIA . Please, let your understanding of the message have a NIGERIA scope, because I understand that a lot of us are wise now and we are already moving away from traditions and cultures.

When it comes to responsibilities between couples, intending couples and other relationships that involves man and woman, the man must understand that every financial part of it is for him. There is no where in Nigeria culture or tradition where woman takes care of the financial part no matter how buoyant she is at the time of the need.
Every man must have this understanding before they involve in any relationship in order to save them of heartbreak or disappointment from their partners because without such understanding, a man will be disappointed and get paralysed when he discovered millions in his partner account or purse when they are in need of just 100k and the woman did not bring out the money.
Men needs to understand that our women are not wired to spend from their own income, but they can buy heaven with someone else money (I am not criticising women here, I was only saying fact)

HOW TO HANDLE FINANCE WITH WOMAN
Firstly, you have to agree with the above fact.
There are practical ways to cheat woman without fight or argument and it is not making her feel like it is her responsibility. Never show her that you feel that it is her responsibility to partake in whatever you guys intend to finance. The best way is to tell her that you do not have or you are not capable of doing it alone at the moment and you will need her assistance. Let her feel that she is assisting you and not that it is her responsibility. The two of you will need to evaluate the need and agree on the sharing ratio; how much you expect from her as per support (not her duty).
You must make it clear as early as possible because it will take sometimes for her to adjust her believe system to the new reality(e.g wedding plans, you need to start discussing that immediately you agreed to marry each other n not when it is almost few weeks).

Men, we do not have to criticise our women in this regards, it is how they are been wired, either by upbringing or environmental factors. We only need to ask for wisdom to handle the reality.

Secondly, our men should not be seeing themselves as CEO who sits and watch their staffs doing all. We have to start assisting in domestic activities and also allow their opinions in all affairs ( not a must to apply opinion)

Women!!!!! Please, let us start reducing the believes and start seeing the responsibilities as a joint task.

Happy homes and relationships

All these threads

The major problem we have is that Nigerians want to mix and match culture and religion which are two ends of a spectrum especially when it comes to marriage.

If you want to stick with culture, please do.
If you want to stick with religion, please do.

For instance, in Christianity, nowhere was it taught that a man is the sole provider; a man's headship is not tied to finance or not. Whether he earns more, less or not at all, he is the head.

A husband is also expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. That means no cheating, rudeness, bullying, selfishness, intimidation etc and all the works in a typical Nigerian marriage. His wife comes first before anyone else including their kids and they are one. He is to nourish and cherish her with everything she's got.

A wife is to submit (not slavery or subservient) to her husband and be loyal to him. His happiness and interests are paramount and she uses everything she has to make him happy in response to his love. He comes first even before the kids.

The love of a man makes a woman blossom... The woman in turn takes care of the man.

Doesn't look appealing

OP should have served it on a plate so we can see the actual soup.

obowunmi:
No joke oo....true story. I swear.

She is a medical doctor. She even married her husband only one week after meeting him. They are four years together with two boys. She was ready to do anything to be married. She married him at 36 years old.

I was going to ask what she was gaining in the marriage.

Well the husband is providing the service of societal achievement.

What a price to pay.

Hope the guy is good and doesn't emotionally stress her?