₦airaland Forum

Jennifer129:
No one would miss me. I planned it out very well. I stopped talking to my friends for months now so they don't even remember me, my parents have three children that they actually love, two girls and a boy, it's a perfect family without me.
I've given my journal to a trusted friend and I'm sure she'll keep it well and I've passed my WAEC, neco and post UTME exams so I've repaid my parents for all the money they used to educate me.
Also I'm introverted so I don't have much people who would miss my presence. Now is the perfect time to leave but my aspirins didn't work and I'm just really tired even too tired to die.

Jennifer129:
I won't say it has a cause but I can tell you a few things that led to my depression. I've always been a good student, among the top 3 in the class but everyday I wish I could go back and be a normal average student. The pressure from everyone is too much!!
I'm like an outsider in my own home. I was about 5 years old when I thought I was adopted. My parents have told me many times how I don't act like any of them.
I was bullied in school cuz I had late puberty and It killed my confidence.
I never want to love again cuz I never want to get heartbroken again.
Everytime I can't stop thinking about my future and how all my efforts would be wasted just because I was born in Nigeria.
I'm sorry but I find it hard to answer this question without making it lenghty so I would just stop now and let you know that depression is never really caused by a single thing but a lot of things that just keeps filling your cup it fills and overflow and then you find yourself drowning in sadness and pain.
I'm sorry this is lengthy

Acidosis:
The power required to change your mom's perception about your lover is in your hands. But put this in mind that your cool, jovial and funny lover may someday cheat on you (majority of men will, anyway).

Cutehector:
What is this

Jobia:
where do people find men like you??

lagosminded:
I agree with you 100%. I was just saying the quickest way people on NL find loopholes in arguments is through religion. If you make ur post neutral, there wouldn’t be excuses like “this is for Christians”.

lagosminded:
Is this a reply to that other crazy thread? If it is, it wouldn’t be effective getting your message across because this only applies to Christians. Anyways, it’s your post let me mind my business.

liberalchick:
I can’t relate to most of what you wrote on your post but I agree that fathers shouldn’t give up on knowing their children because the mother is bad. 1. Choose someone suitable to be the mother of your children 2. Give your all to know your kids.

The position of headship is not a privilege to do as you deem fit: it is a call to lead your home to righteousness, train your children and be a godly example. A man who cannot boldly say 'follow me as I follow Christ' has failed as the head. After all, it is the duty of the husband to wash his wife clean. Is he going to do that with hands stained with adultery, pride, hatred, gross irresponsibility, lack of provision, lies, spiritual darkness and malice amongst others?

Even the role of training children is the fathers' hence God did not question Eli's wife when the children were unruly.

As per provision, apart from financial provision (where they decide what they want), it is the duty of the husband to lead his family to Christ through prayers, teaching the word, his stainless conduct, constant discipline (in love) so they are not frustrated and impeccable attitude. He should also provide emotional stability, mental stability and his genuine show of love which will naturally boost the family's self esteem.

He should also be able to provide sound advice and decisions for the good of the home.

He also provides security of love, affection etc. which helps their emotional growth.

A true head is also trustworthy as that is the only way his wife can fully submit to him.

A wife should submit to her husband, yes. This submission (putting him first) is in response to his love as st(putting her first) . The kind of sacrificial love a husband is expected to have towards his wife and family, only her submission /respect/love/ putting him first would be a balance for it.

This strange cultural expectation where the wife is the spiritual pillar, moral pillar and financial pillar of the home making men figureheads that has crept into the church MUST be destroyed. That is actually what keeps destroying our homes and children turning out wayward.

If you want to go cultural, go cultural. But if you claim to be the head biblically, better be ready to do what He expects of you.

The demonic practice of women running about praying for men who should give them peace and be their priests is just that, demonic.

Nowhere was it recorded that amongst godly households, the wives were running about praying for their husbands.

The ones recorded praying did it together.

LewsTherin:
Fact. I got married a virgin.

larryking540:
To all the single guys out there,to every married man, to every hustler base in 9ja and outside 9ja,
pls and pls, create time for ur kids, it's very important,

I always speak from experience, I was at the backyard of my house the other day, and I noticed that my next door neighbor just had a misunderstanding with the wife and after the man left the house, the wife sat outside the house doing some hand laundry, with 2 of the kids around her, u need to see the way d lady was saying some harsh words to the kids about their father, I wouldn't want to say it, cus it was just not worth hearing such from her, I just went back into my room and I sat on my couch and reason that if this man and woman continues to have such a misunderstanding and while the wife spends more of the time with d kids, trust me, the kids will channel so much hate for their father, even thinking that their mother is the bread winner of the house, not knowing is their father ,,


So pls my fellow men out there,
always create time for your kids, call them, if u are base outside the country, do a Skype call with them,
often, if u can call them every day by evening call them because na old age matters o,
for u men who are within the country, calls check up on them via calls or chat, a 1 minutes call will go a long way in their thinking about anyone has said or told them concerning u

Speaking from experience, that's is what saved my own father that we still use to respect him till date, even though my own mother backlash at hime at his back ,a day never passes by my father doesn't drop a call on my cell phone, infact he call me pass mtn,
and dat is what I have actually used to prove my mother wrong,

I hate people that pretend,

MariaLavina:
Your comments on this thread so far makes me doubt if the write up is truly yours, instead of you to defend your posts with logical points and facts you are busy guilt ripping hiding your shallows with emojis and baseless tantrums, even Capslock did a better job defending your very own thread. Pity!


Women don't paint men bad, No they just didn't cover up their husband's misconducts from their children. If you are smart, observant and exposed has you claim to be, you will realize that husbands 'painted bad' aren't saints. Most times they exhibit characters the women use against them. Lol it's funny you think a child's mind is a GIGO kind of thing. No,! Children emulate/take in/ form their perception mostly on what they see than what they hear, The later is easily forgotten while the former lasts longer. If a woman tells her child the husband is bad and the husband acts otherwise believe me those words will have no effect. So this is a case of no smoke without fire.

You also make it sound like only a woman owns the child whatever stops the father from forming a bond with his child?But No! An average African man thinks it is a sign of weakness to express emotions and that the needs of the children is basically food clothing and shelter. Other needs should be met by the woman, it is her job.And this is the cause of the fall of African Man when it comes to getting a child's love.

So what if they aren't together? Are the fathers denied access to their children? Thing is Most Nigerian men do not care that much, to them they have enough sperm to produce another child if the wife decide to go with the children. Hardly will you see a man worry that much except if the children are grown and he has invested a lot in them.A typical Nigerian man is a deadbeat one, the ones 'painted bad' are just the unmanaged ones.

That said, You seem to forget the fact that Children who have little knowledge of their fathers or mothers seek after them mostly when they are grown.They tend to appreciate the invisible one more than the one who nurture them.They begin to ask questions, make calls , search for maps just to find the one who wasnt there.At the end no one loses , This thread no hold water jare.

CAPSLOCKED:

1. WOW. THIS MEANS THAT SINCE I WAS BORN, ALL THE FATHERS IN THE HISTORY OF FATHERHOOD ARE FAILED MEN.. BEING THAT IN ALMOST EVERY FAMILY THE CHILD IS CLOSER TO THE MOTHER THAN THE DAD.

2. IT'S NOT BECAUSE WOMEN ARE LOVELY WHILE MEN ARE HARSH.
IT'S BECAUSE WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE NOT TOO DIFFERENT. THEY OPERATE ALMOST AT THE SAME FREQUENCY SO IT'S NOT DIFFICULT FOR THE TWO TO GET ALONG. THEY ALSO REASON SIMILARLY.

3. MEN ARE FAILURES BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE AS BUSY AS POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE THEIR FAMILIES ARE COMFORTABLE. LOL.

nams77:
Very apt. I have chatted several single moms and they all keep saying their Ex are oafs. The last one i was chatting with was also berating the Ex until i pressed harder and she opened up that the man is abroad and pays for the boy's tuition with out fail. He pays directly to the school.

My advice to men. Try and do financial transaction online. Pay school fees and other stuffs directly from your account. That way, there is evidence.

I remembered how a lady when online a while ago berating her Ex. She cried that the man doesn't even drop a dime or cater for the kids education. The man replied by posting carefully documented copies of school fees receipts

Martinez39:
Due to the fact that fathers instill harsh discipline and are usually away working to feed the family, children are usually close to their mothers. Mothers usually spoil and pamper their children hence another reason children are close to their mothers. One advantage of this is that the mothers have a huge influence on the minds of the children. During parental dispute and irrespective of whether the wife is at fault or not, women are usually fond of brainwashing and poisoning the minds of their children against their fathers. Even if there is no dispute, some women still control the minds of their kids in order to get the upper hand in the childish game of power they started and are playing in the home.

Most men usually settle matters amicably and are willing to own their mistakes but women, whether or not they are wrong, will always want to "win" the dispute and would go any length to achieve such. Brainwashing and poisoning the minds of the kids against the father is one of the ways of achieving such. In such brainwashing, the children see the father as the bad person while the mum is the angel. Some children later grow up to see that it was the other way around while some never grow out of the brainwashing for many years. As the woman is brainwashing the kids, she keeps the kids distant from the father so that she can successfully fuel the narrative that father is a bad and was never there. She wouldn't even let the father visit instead she always give one excuse or the other or even avoid the father. The woman would even make sure that the contacts of the children are not available to the father. The woman might even put the children in a situation whereby either they are for her or for the father. You can't blame the children for falling for the lies because the mother has appeared so nice and caring to them.

Some mothers would be communicating to the fathers behind the children's back looking for up keeps yet they won't tell the children. They will exploit the kind hearted nature of the father to get money from him by making up stories that children are sick blah blah blah. They will then make it out to be that they are the ones making the money while the father doesn't care. Sometimes when the father wants to see his children, they will charge the fathers money in one form or the other. If they fulfill their promise of let the kids see the children, which many don't, the visit would be short. Afterall, she still let the father see his children, right? She might even post the visit with the pics on her social media so that everyone can see that "she let the kids visit and spend quality time with their papa".

If you are the child of a deadbeat dad who thinks father is evil and mom is good, you have to start asking questions. Here are some of the questions you should ask :
1) Do I believe my father is horrible because I really know him or it's what my mother told me? Have I heard both sides of the story?
2) Does my mother allow free and open access for me to communicate and build a relationship with my father? Is she always monitoring my conversations with my father and asking what we discussed?
3) Has my father been providing money but my mum doesn't tell me?
4) Does my father have my contact number or did my mum make it that my father can only communicate with me through her phone so that she can monitor and regulate the conversation? She could do so to fuel the narrative that mum is good and dad is bad.
5) Nairalanders can make their suggestions.

By asking these questions and making analysis, you would figure out if mum has skeletons in her cupboard or not. It's also possible that your dad could be the one at fault. Check things for yourself. There are good and bad fathers and there are good and bad mothers. Women who do these things are wicked and can't be said to really care about the children. Why are such women reducing their children to properties/pawn to help them get the upper hand in a parental dispute or childish game of power dynamics for their own selfish reasons? Why make their children live a lie that could stay with them forever for their own selfish reasons? This is immoral. Why deprive their children of fatherly love for their own selfish reasons? Why can't they leave their children out of their dispute with their father? Why can't these women have the maturity to admit to their wrongs? Some women even publicly smear the father's reputation with lies to fuel the narrative that mum is good, dad is bad. The worse is when some of the crazies among them murder or maltreat their children to get back at the father.

LewsTherin:
Awwwww. The cake was about to get to you when some South African miscreants attacked some Nigerian miscreants. I still don't know the end of the matter myself

Souqwaqif:
Good evening all,I and my wife are married,after a very long courtship.our first issue is just about 3years and I don't want her to emulate certain type of dressing from my wife is fond with of recent.after series of correction my wife would not change from dressing like a harlot to a married woman.parental intervention has not yielded anything.in fact recent discussion with the father on the way forward made her infuriated against me that I reported her to her father.while I reside elsewhere due to work and she off campus I called recently to ask how they are doing and she rained insult on me,I then cut the phone on her.Am thinking of dissolving the whole thing because she is always fond of not taking instructions from me for her own good and that of our little girl.Pls what step will be right for me.Only mature advise is appreciated.Thanks.

Bluehill1051:
The guy is playing her!
No single rich guy will carry another man's responsibility like that, even 2 kids sef and worse, she's a club girl, most probably an olosho.
I used this method once too. The girl actually thought I was her destined husband cuz I made her believe so. She even confessed to me that she has had two abortions for 2 guys. Bcuz of me, she changed her contact even up to her bank alert text number. Her aunt that she stays with and I even talk on phone weekends but most times I try to avoid meeting the family like an expected guest. Initially she'll say the usual let us wait till aft wedding b4 we sex, but then again I'll confuse her. I even promised her some cash the same day she finds out she's pregnant. But all na for play.
Who doesn't want a loyal pussy. It's like eating your cake and having it.
I fukked this girl like a wife!
Not once did we use CD. Las las I added my own to her collections of abortions!

LewsTherin:
Nice. Very nice of you.

But you are a bad girl. Cos the picture I've always had of you is a young single lady. Classyand knowledgeable but young and single. Like 24 young. Now why is that, hmmm?

Confess now before I send you your cake

roaringlamb01:
Come o. Just bring rice and dstv sub, let's watch BPL is weekend. Abeg.

roaringlamb01:
Hi! I am really grateful for your comment and view. I did think along these lines, which i entirely discuss with my lady. Which eventually led to the final decision which we both took.

You see, sometimes, the best way to teach a person is to let them go through the experience. If i had blatantly refused their visit, it could have led to issues with her, because she won't understand my point of view, plus it was supposed to be two weeks.

It seemed fine at the outset.

United front, got it!

Thanks.

LewsTherin:
My dear, you have 2 options. Come with your sleeping bag and tent or go to football viewimg center at the busstop and beg them to show you Big Brother!

I will even give you the opportunity to book a 2 week stay and spend 5 weeks (if Bross will gree!)

NIGERIAJAGAJAGA:
bros, stop been ignorant. if u are ambassador of a product, u must use it. I remember when ronaldinho took coke instead of Pepsi products,they stripped him from been their ambassador. just that infinix believe they just need davido name to boost their business,that's why they don't mind. let him try it with iPhone or Samsung, then
u will know what a deal mean.

Eze2000:
Strange. Very strange indeed...


So many nice ladies complaining about being cheated on by men or being used and dumped, yet there're sincere men like me, single and searching, just looking to make a queen out of them.

@Ladies all. This is one guy in his late 30s that wishes to marry this year but currently has no woman in his life.

Will he cheat on you later?

Answer: Not at all because not only is such a thing unheard of in my religious Igbo family, I will only marry the woman that satisfies my choice (big or tall, light-skinned and curry), with God's blessings to fuel my lofty ambitions in life. This way, that fine neighbor flaunting her big hips and a bigger backside will only make me laugh in mockery. After all, I already have better, with kids too .

Let my future wife feel free to DM or check my profile for my whatsapp number and say hi. I don search for you tire.

PerfectMatchNG:
My neighbor just denied her husband sister access to the house because she didn't call her before coming, claiming it's her home and the other claiming is her brother house. Is she wrong and right