₦airaland Forum

yettymuse:
Ubunja, a brother needs detox.

Interesting.

Happy birthday ma, God bless you and family.

She looks good.

sassysure:
The men never really grow up.
Still trapped in their childhood mentality thanks to bad father figures.
The circle continues.

For u to get a really good man who thinks out of the box, u have to use ur sixth sense.

When I hear all these my mother, my mother,

I automatically know that it was not a happy home or the father is late.

Abi which husband in a loving home would his son kolobi his wife?

Which wife who is lovingly enjoying the second round honeymoon with her husband will have time to compete for her son's love?

Has she finished enjoying her husband?

Unfortunately, they don't learn from their mothers and treat their wives right.

There is something about Adesua.

MrsMurphy:
It was with joy that I was expecting my 4th child till the moment I gave birth and found out that I have given birth to yet another daughter. Immediately they showed me my daughter instead of being happy, I started crying. I asked God why has he forsaken me? But looking at my daughter's beautiful face I told her that even though I prayed for a son and got a daughter that I will love her with all my heart.
My husband has changed since then, in the sense that he is emotionally abusing me. He shouts at me even all the time that my daughter has to tell him to stop shouting at me, he no longer tells me anything I just hear it from outsiders, he always travels a lot and whenever he travels he doesn't call and when I do he won't pick mine.
This has made me to sometimes look at my little bundle of joy and ask her why she didn't come as a son. I've prayed, questioned God. And now it's like I'm developing low self esteem because I'm not longer proud to tell people that I have given birth to yet another daughter because of the pity you will see in their eyes.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Any update?

Do you now have a son or have you learnt to live with your daughters or are you still trying for a son?

LoveThemChubby:
Weakness you say? Did you even read about the reason for the tears?
The young man has never dated any lady that prepared food so well and packaged it neatly like she did. Perhaps most of them have been those who only followed him to restaurants to eat but don't know how to prepare the food.
If you think its still weakness then wait until you meet someone who surprises you with a very little but rare touch of kindness

People have forgotten those little things.

The picture shows the love and care she put into the food presentation.

Yoruba calls it aponle

Hotworta1:
Real men don't cry. They do the unimaginable.



Another angle....

That guy maybe hasn't eaten for days...so he was served this one and then he started crying.

Real men don't cry.

Kwontinue.

eni4real:
I can write many pages. Sweet mum!!

What about your dad?

kelvinboj:
Good evening NairaLanders....
I need y'all opinion on the best thing I can do.
So there's this girl am looking at tying the knot with very soon.
I met her around November last year through a friend and we started dating days after and prior to that she suffered heartbreak with a dude and it was a little bit complex cos she attempted to take her life when it happened and that resulted into her being hospitalized for days.
Considering the fact that I knew how nice she was to the ex boyfriend and how badly the dude treated her, I felt like showing her loads of love and care will result into me being pampered with so much care by her.
So here's the issue,
All her friends are the bitchy type, like girls who kinda depend on guys for everything and live above their means tho I feel like I can transform her as she once told me she can cut off every sort of ties with them if I want but I shrugged that off.
Am super nice to her but she gets to take advantage of that and take me for granted.
She lies so much like she once told me she's coming out from a mall whereas she was leaving a guy's house and when she later confessed she said she escorted a female friend there..
I don't see her to be someone who is trustworthy and I don't even trust her one bit
Her birthday was March and I got her gifts worth a lot of money but even with all that she still told me a guy who once asked her out months ago wanted to take her out for her birthday and she wanna request for permission tho I declined and she apologized for not even refusing the guy's offer.
And she once texted her ex without my knowledge and the dude said he can't wait for them to have romantic moment together and she smiled via an emoji, and even collected money from the dude secretly but she later blocked him off when I requested her to.
Quite a lot of bad things about her but I've never for once commit a crime or did something bad so far so good.
Am always the one telling her this is bad and stuffs like that and no one tells me to do the right thing before I do.
Worse of it all was her ex is the kinda guy that treats lady anyhow and to the best of my knowledge she can't dare to try this with him...
I don't know why me who is the nice and caring guy is going through all this.
And what's bothering me is I'll soon be going to Germany for my masters and I don't even trust her one bit cos she's done a lotta bad stuffs when we're still kinda in the same vicinity.
She's a finalist in a school in Ogun but based in Lagos and I stay in Lagos as well so it's some sort of long distance relationship.
Please NairaLanders just help me out in anyway you can on what to do cos I've not been myself lately and am so bothered about this issue.
Please kindly ignore the punctuation errors and grammars just typing with my phone

Bros people have given you advice, I just want to pen my thoughts.

I am very interested in men/women relationships (very obvious) and I find some things amusing...

Let's assume the OP is all true.

A girl claims to ex a guy because he is bad, disrespectful, abusive bla bla.

Mr. Nice guy comes along and you think she should hold tight to him....

But no.

She contacts Mr. Ex, ask for permission to date Mr. Y, lies, keeps her bitchy friends, doesn't appreciate gifts bla bla.

Can we ask what she really wants?

After reading online and observing people especially ladies talk, I have come to the conclusion that some ladies cannot respect a man who doesn't disrespect/abuse them or have the potential to do so.

That knowledge that this guy has craze sort of keeps them in check.

Dear Mr. OP, your about to be ex-babe is one of them.

Logobenz2:
When I said it some dimwits here were saying some friends are better than family bla bla...
I learnt this lesson a long time ago and I no longer give anybody money for no reason!
If it's not family or girlfriend,I am not doing it!
Unless of course,it's a valuable relationship I have with the said friend or someone I know has got my back for real too.

There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

May you find him.

Amen.

Logobenz2:
bunch of jokers.
I asked her how old her son is,she no respond
They think moulding a man is easy.

Father's don't participate in this molding?

Rubbiish:
Keep deceiving yourself
I hope u will say same when your son grow up
Do u know d meaning of unconditional love??
Only a mother got unconditional love for his son, no woman on earth love can surpass that which the mother have for his son. That man you are calling hubby, there are certain conditions he may be in and if he approach u, u will turn down his offer, only a mother will stand behind his son regardless of his condition & this will ever make mothers special in the life of her son. There is a special spot we men keep for mothers in our life, no other woman can take that spot...

Mothers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

Fathers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

When I start to hear 'my mom is first' bla bla, it tells me that such mother never enjoyed the love of her husband so her son has to compensate.

I do not see sons from loving families have 'excessive' love for their mothers.

Can we ask why these men never profess such love for their fathers?

Or are the fathers not worth it? Or the fathers did not sacrifice for their children? Or their fathers cannot do anything for them?

Well, like I tell my sisters, shine your eyes.

Funny how we keep cherry picking.

The man that does not understand oneness in marriage will open his mouth to yap about submission.

Gen 2:28 clearly states that a man will LEAVE his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife and the two will become one flesh.

Simple, short and precise.

If you are not ready to do this, don't bother with Christian marriage or hoping to reap its benefits.

Rubbiish:
His mother becomes what?

Just Marry your mother and don't torture another person's daughter.

ogawisdom:
I can't love any woman more than my mum

I hope my wife doesn't hear this lol it's the truth.

No one can love me more than my mum, unconditional love personified. If not for children do we even need to marry

Don't bother with marriage then.

You can source for kids in other ways.

Logobenz2:
and my mom becomes whose priority?

You never ready to marry

Simi needs to up her game.

Good skin, good statue, good dentition, good smile....

Bad stylist.

All the jewelry she has on is enough to style three different women.

FlutterDollar99:
Dear "F'' moniker, there is no such thing as Demonic advice. It's just a matter of individuals making choices they wished never happened

It is because of the ripple effect.

Paxie55:
Biko, I don't want to laugh.

But it's true.

Then the sons of the neglected wives become small husbands and the wife crying for her husband's attention in her youth becomes a monster - in - law and the cycle continues.

Anonymus010:
Thank you so much

You are welcome.

All the best.

FlutterDollar99:
Life of a woman... She's expected to pretend she is in agreement with it

I don't see anything to agree to.

This is the 67th wife/concubine/mistress.

She should be used to these things by now.

The second woman is the betrayal.

After that, well....

I think the demonic Nigerian advise of face your kids and ignore your husband bla bla is very useful here.

Again, we do not even know how the wife was gotten in the first place or their culture around kings and his wives.

freecocoa:
Hmmm, so basically, nothing can be done about this then.

Marry the right man with the right mindset towards marriage.

freecocoa:
So I’m hoping the experienced folks here can help shed light on this topic, as it seems to be a very real issue in many families, please tell us how best you think one can deal with a man that sides with his family over almost everything. It’s like they can do no wrong in his eyes, even when he seems not to agree entirely with what they’ve done, you are still left with feeling like, he’s siding with them, and more than siding with them, is that he gets angry when you try to point out how badly behaved they are, have been or were, as the case maybe.

We’d love to read especially from the men , seeing as most Nigerian men like to take sides with their family(sisters and mothers mostly) over their SO. Not that I believe that there are or should be sides , but what do you do call it, when that’s exactly what you are seeing happen?

This is because as always, the typical Nigerian doesn't understand nor practice oneness in marriage.

If the couple is one, you would see our family and not your father, my mother. Therefore, there is no side to choose.

It is us with our family combined. Every act of the family (couple and in laws) is not viewed through a lense of bias.

The individual families also learn to respect the couple and step back except absolutely necessary.

Again, most families are given the leverage to interfere when the couple do not behave themselves in the first place.

NaijaVTN:
A man has been sentenced to 2 months in jail after a secret camera set up by his suspicious wife caught him poisoning her coffee every time.

Therese Kozlowski, who has been married to Brian for 22 years, noticed she became ill every time her husband makes her coffee. This made her suspicious so she set up cameras in their home in Macomb Township, Michigan.

When she looked through the footage, she saw her husband putting what turned out to be antihistamine into the beverage. He started poisoning her in 2018 while they were waiting for her divorce to come through.

Therese said that the drink left her feeling tired, sick and with blurred vision and believes that her husband was trying to kill her. She said on one occasion she almost fell asleep at the wheel of her car because of the drug he put in her coffee.

Speaking about the moment she saw her husband spiking her coffee, Therese said, according to Metro UK: "I felt a horrible coldness in the air, as if I was hunted by a dangerous predator, but in this nightmare, the predator was Brian."

Brian Kozlowski’s lawyer said he had "profound remorse" and put his actions down to going through an "ugly divorce".

Prosecutor Eric Smith said the 60-day sentence was a "slap in the face of the victim and the justice system in general".

He said: "The Court seemed more focused on ensuring the defendant’s freedom and ability to continue to work than the victim and her safety.

"It is troubling to think that someone who commits such a reckless crime, putting his wife and so many other people at risk, is able to walk away with such a light sentence.

"We are all thankful this sneak attack didn’t cause the victim to fall asleep behind the wheel on her way to work, killing herself and/or innocent drivers."

[Source: Naija Viral & Trending News (NaijaVTN)]

Lalasticlala
Mynd44

The sentence doesn't make sense.

And the wife should just give him whatever he wants (within reasonable boundaries) and move on.

She might not be lucky at the next attempt.

lilmax:
slow poison

Literally.

Anonymus010:
NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.
Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.
Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.
Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school. Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her). After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry. Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.
Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid. Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......
THE PROBLEM:
2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking. After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.
The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).
I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.
Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.
Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

People treat you how you want them to treat you.

If they miss road and maltreat you, putting them in their place will caution them further.

First your wife tells you that her ex wished her happy birthday before you and you apologize! Seriously?

Her ex bla bla bla and she did not marry him?

She cannot take care of the home despite working from home. Seriously?

You work long hours and cannot meet warm home cooked food to welcome you back?

You have overindulged your wife that she is fast outliving her usefulness in your life.

First, forget about America or go alone first.

2nd, go for DNA test and confirm that your child is yours.

3rd, have respect for yourself and build your self-esteem. If you have an healthy self-esteem and place good value on yourself, you wouldn't allow ANYONE treat you like trash.

4th, from the place of self-confidence and self-preservation, engage her. You do not like the state of the marriage and want her to air her grievances. Listen objectively and adjust where needed. (nobody is perfect).

5th, give her your feedback and tell her you will not tolerate her bad behavior and comparing you with her ex anymore. She is either married to you or her ex except you are interested in polyandry.

If she wants you, she needs to act like it and require her to contribute to the home like an adult.

You need to be firm and resolute. She is not used to you having value for yourself so these changes will come as strange or fake and she will try to 'burst the bubble.'

If you continually stand your ground, she will get the memo and either shape up or shape out.

Goodluck.

sassysure:
I wonder why u said only experienced married men.

Some men are not married yet has more experience in marriage matter than the married ones.
Also why did u exclude women?

Anyway,

I stopped reading at a point.

Ur wife has gotten what she worked for, a ring on her hand.
When I saw, she cook for me, do this and that, I knew she is out to hook up by any means necessary.
She never did hate her ex remember?
Just that the guy don't want to settle down so it's possible She was still attached to him emotionally. Okafor's law may have played out significantly and she got pregnant, pressured u into marriage. Marriage after two yrs of graduation cos she was pregnant and u did wedding of 2 million with borrowed funds.whom were u trying to impress?
What manner of man are u?

Don't u have a voice?
What makes you the man of the house if u can't stamp your authority?
I am not saying beat or abuse her but talk like the head of ur family. Let ur wife stop trampling on your manhood.
Her excuse that her ex called her first is extremely childish.
So u guys still keep in touch with ex's?
There is a reason why they are called ex. Unless you are colleagues, u guys don't have anything in common.
That was where u would have scolded her seriously still keeping in touch with her ex, yet u are apologising.
What are u apologising for. U went to work. Birthdays will continue coming. Is she a kid that put so much meaning into birthday?
Why the fuss?
She has never stopped her relationship with her ex and the guy is ok as long as she dey open her leg.
Now, small soft words from him and she is admitting she never liked ur people.
Pls do give her the needed break.
Don't disturb her during the break and also make sure u provide for the kid, go and see ur child. As her only general things concerning ur kid and go ur way.
If u ignore her( u give her so much attention),she will be confused and start seeking u out.
If she eventually come back for talk, read her the riot act.
The relationship is still early and it's better this early than late.

It's hard but start seeing urself as a single man once again.

If u have the money, do a DNA test to be sure u are not training another man's child.

What a woman!
Her self entitlement is too much and she successfully played u.

U were a fool in love when all the signs are there.
Why will she insult your people? What did they do to her?
Why didn't u call her to order?
Are u even a man?

Some ex will do anything to destabilise ur marriage especially guys if u give them the chance. And they will end up not marrying u.
If ur woman had loved u, she will tell you that her ex is contacting her.
I so much hate pretenders.

I'm a lady but I will say that we naija ladies are mostly pretenders.
The reason why it was said that more than 50% of the first child don't normally belong to the husband. (Na DNA specialist for Lagos talk am o)
Mtcheew

I wonder why you are surprised that 50% of Nigerian women pass off other men's kids as their husbands (if true).

1. A lot of hospitals switch babies.... A lot!

2. The average man believes it is his birthright to cheat. I am sure only 1% of these men have the funds to travel out because of sex. The remaining 99% sleep with Nigerian women.

As long as we keep giving men passes to sleep around, the number of paternity fraud have just started growing.

Nigeria as a society cannot sow the wind and be surprised to reap the whirlwind.

Fantastic story.

Would renew hope in someone else.

Acidosis:
Come to my house as early as 6am. Do that for 7 days and your problems are over.



PM me for Tfare.

refiner:
Tho it's coming late.. It's still my day!

Spent it at the orphanage...there smiles was the most priceless gift I ever received today...i broke my piggy bank for them and that's d best decision i ever made.
tho it's little..
I want to use this means to encourage each and every one of us,no matter the little u have, there are those that has none...if you think you will show this act of love to the needy when u are ready,you might never be...

Put a smile on someone today!

Happy birthday to me once again!!

Happy birthday

God bless all that concerns you.

Amen.

God console his family especially parents. Amen.