₦airaland Forum

roaringlamb01:
Hey people,
I will cut to the chase.

I stay in a 4 bed room with my wife and two sons (twins). I live a quiet life and like it that way free to preying eyes, but recently my wife asked of her two brothers could come visiting, as they had never been to our place in Lagos.

I didn't like it, because I didnt like the extra mouths to feed, esp. now that things are hard everywhere, but her parents began to put pressure on her, and manipulate her with comments, like "you don't want to see your siblings" and so forth.

I wasn't also comfortable with two boys just sleeping and waking up in my house. But I obliged to teach her a lesson.

When they came, they did nothing but sell, eat and watch movies all through. They didn't greet, and were still in bed with i went to work, and watched big brother when I came back. I thought it was for 2wks, after it is a visitation, right?!

Wrong!!!

2wks soon became 5wks, at which point, food usually planned for a month was gone in weeks, add to the inconvenience.

My wife was happy, so I didn't mind. But something interesting happened, she said they want to stay for 2 more months. Hell no! I asked her to tell them, they had till the weekend, that I was expecting visitors of my own.

By the time, her parents heard, they said why couldn't they stay, even with my visitors.

It, then, dawned on me that, this wasn't a visitation. They wanted to abandon them here with me or something. It was very inconsiderate, to say I should feed myself, my wife, the twins, her brothers and 2 extra guests. Am I dangote?!

Of course, I have sent them away, and it won't happen again. She already knows.

Has anyone experienced this before?! How did you handle it?

Reading your story, I think your home has some holes your in-laws exploited.

You don't present a united front so they think pressuring your wife would get them whatever they want.

They also do not respect you & family else they would have told you/your wife the exact duration they wanted the boys to stay.

The boys also are reacting from the way your wife/you are esteemed. There is a way your family would present itself that your younger in-laws would scramble to greet you and make themselves useful to you.

Your wife needs to let them know that you make decisions together and have to both agree on if they come around and how long long they stay.

Neither I nor my husband honestly would not stand an in-law who is practically unuseful and disrespectful.

Goodluck.

LewsTherin:
I think he wanted to say "sleep"

And if anyone watches Big Brother in my house, on my tv, with my subscription, I'll give only one warning before tossing the person out into the streets!�

To think I was thinking of coming to visit next week.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

It is your house not your wife's house?

Interesting.

Jessie21:
I had to put this here cause i need matured answers too.....I've been dating my man for 4yrs now,i also have a child for him out of wedlock...Lately he has been doing things he never did like smoking,Yahoo Yahoo,sleeping in an hotel ,really bad stuffs that he clearly knows i don't like....The time i caught him red handed with a prostitute,he Didn't apologize,he had to hit me and blame me for all of his actions...I couldn't take it anymore so i left the house to somewhere far,after 3days,He called to apologize about all he did also he said he has realised his mistakes and he needs me to come home with our baby to him...I stayed where i was until the 5th day which was saturday,i told him to send some money to me so i can come back,then we would meet in church the next day so we could meet our pastor..He sent the money and i travelled back home....The next day we met our pastor and discussed,my mom and dad where present,we all said what had happened and how we felt,so the conclusion was we should still stay apart till everybody calms down...He has apologized,and i love him but my feelings are mixed,i wouldn't like a situation whereby i would return to the house and all this fight and restless mind would start again....he also said that the things he has been doing was as a result of the marine spirit disturbing him,he insists that he has changed and wants us back home but i decided with the pastor to stay apart because i really want to be convinced that he has changed before going back....please i need your advice..
NOTE:4yrs now we've always fought like this,am confused,he loves me and i love him too but bis behaviour is something else.

Smoking, internet fraud, sleeping with prostitutes etc. are very heavy behaviors to suddenly pick up at once.

These things require a shift in values which means his values have shifted.

The question is why?

And an 'apology' doesn't solve the problem.

The question is 'what changed in his value system' and 'what caused that change?' Until you both honestly answer these two questions, there can be no solution.

The next question is why are you both not married since you are still together? Now you have a baby bonding you both?

You also say you have both been quarreling constantly. About what?

Hazardd:
if you ask us na who we go ask

I wonder o!

Zielle:
Single women shudn't be jealous of married women . A girlfriend of mine rushed (she told me she edged on the marriage) into marriage in her early 20s, she's divorced nw raising two kids wit the help of her parents, hasn't remarried. Look at Toyin Abraham, thank God her relationship wiv Niyi Johnson ended, see how God blessed her nw. Everything in life is turn by turn. When ur own time comes the ones ahead will envy u .

What manner of nonsense is this?

So because your friend married early and unfortunately divorced means everyone's case would be like that?

Or are you inferring that only later marriages stand the test of time?

And is your friend's broken marriage something to gloat or jest about?

With friends like you, no one needs enemies.

baby124:
Why is she lucky? Cause she’s jobless at 23 and married and pregnant? LOL. Oh she’s a Youtuber! Not everyone dreams of that kind of life at 23. So, don’t put yourself in a place to mock anyone. It depends on your upbringing and financial situation. Not everyone was raised to get married and see marriage as an ultimate goal in life, you know.

If that is what she wants at this stage, she is lucky.

And pregnancy is 9 months, joblessness can be fixed in a second afterall, she is a graduate.

Funnily, some people dug up a video where she said she wasn't interested in marriage, can't find it.

baby124:
People really have a problem with just minding their own business and focusing on their life. If they are busy, happy and satisfied with their life, they wouldn’t have the time to monitor and give unsolicited advise!

Well, people rarely mind their business in this sense.

It just seems they are in our business when we do not agree with their message.

If a Christian starts preaching in a bus, others will join in the chorus. If a Muslim attempts same the next day, the Christian who was responsive the previous day suddenly remembers public disturbance.

SKYloafFISH:
the society is mixed with women who are lucky and women who have been touched by the other side of reality. At the end, we all still catch up with what life has to offer.
You don't make subtle jab at your fellow sisters for what they don't have yet just because you are lucky enough to have. I don't blame her tho. She should have opened the comment section

I have never heard of this lady till this thread so I can only comment on that particular youtube video.

The Lady was responding to another Youtuber who apparently claims that marriage is not 'important' despite been married at 21, divorcing and announcing her engagement to her long time boyfriend for a second marriage.

That my dear is hypocrisy.

Unfortunately, we just switched sides from career is not important (marriage is all in all) to marriage is not important.

Men know that marriage and career/accomplishing something are both important and chase them accordingly.

genq:
bukatyne, yes - we may disagree on some matters and might have bumped heads a couple of times but I do respect your stance on a lot of topics.

Thanks

genq:
..and no, I don't have a disdain for women - I simply stand against what the modern day woman has become.

Then don't throw the baby away with the bath water.

Address specific issues.

Happy Sunday

seunmohmoh:
Now this is what I call 'Nonsense '

Some women get mind sha. Having two men at the same time. So if she didn't abort and which led to her death , she would have been having affairs for as long as possible.

What is marriage?
Marriage is a scam.

How is marriage a scam?

Was she a cheat because she was married?

God console the husband and kids.

GrabHisBalls:
A lot could be avoided.

An event planner can't solve the issue of crazy humans which seems to be most of the issues.

BTW, some event planners are crazy.

My cousins' event planner brought out the programme after the wedding reception after charging an arm and a leg.

jnoz23:
Guy u be comedian

As in

Real comedian.

Nice advertising.

Aki & Pawpaw looking good.

Cake too much for my taste and well done, we can't even see the designer's logo except we crane our necks.

Anyways, maybe there are cakies like us that would take our individual pillows home.

Happy married life to the couple, God bless their home.

Am I the only one who finds women joining the groom's train....... ridiculous for a lack of better word?

They are called groom's men for a reason....

Because they are men!

I am sure a man posing as the best lady or bridal train would be absurd.

Women leave men to the do their thing.

Biglittlelois:
And you know this how?

By their fruits ma'am.

vibbb:
Ok, Mamador thank you.
But y not employ her instead, she's a graduate you can always find a place for her.

She might make more than they can pay her.

And she is doing her passion.

Biglittlelois:
Nope, she may love her husband but he may not be as good on bed as her ex.

She doesn't love him and lacks wisdom.

@genq:

I know you are MTGOW and have stumbled on a number of your comments so I know you express a certain disdain for women.

That said, I agree with your message though not the tone.

I think MOST humans are not independent thinkers so they just like zombies face any direction and hate on people who can think independently. A few smart people realize that and cash out on it.

How can a blogger who just got engaged tell people that marriage is not so important? Why can't she lead by example and reject her man's proposal? If she did not think it important, why did she broadcast it?

Look at Linda Ikeji telling women to be 'strong and celibate' while driving from Ikoyi to Ikate to knack till she fell pregnant.

Look at Beyonce ruling the world and doing strong woman yet JayZ cheated and she took him back.

Cardi B nko?

The only person somewhat serious is Toke Makinwa.

I am not saying women should not assertive, interdependent and not make their marks, I just see that the above women talk with both sides of their mouths. Notice I did not use strong (it alluded that the state of womanhood is weak. I never hear of 'strong men' except demons.

Independence does not exist for a woman in a relationship except if the man is useless.

What of people who advertise products they never use?

Like I say in my threads, everyone is designed for companionship. You cannot be fucking around and claim marriage is not for you. Pick a husband/wife and settle down.

It is only the Mother Theresas that can claim marriage is not for them and be taken seriously.

BTW, anybody who cites career or work as the high point of their lives is on an express route to misery.

Work life is not called soul sucking for fun.

jarmy:
Good day House.

Please, I need the response of only married couples.

Also, kindly indicate your sex.

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years now. We are blessed with two kids.
During courtship, we agreed that we will have a joint budget which will be funded by the income of both of us.

Initially, I was the only one working, with take-home pay of 40k. She then got a job of about 36k. back then, she would
withdraw her salary and hand it over to me. What I usually do is to hand it over to her and ask her to use it for feeding
while I take care of all other expenses with my salary.

My salary is now about 95k and her's 65k. Our children's school fees, house rent, feeding etc have all increase, no thanks to the current economic realities!

My wife stopped handing over are salary and insisted that I should be giving her feeding money. I clearly explained to her that my income can not accommodate feeding, for now, explaining clearly how I spend my salary and other income but she still insisted that I should be giving her feeding money

The thing is she is into so many saving schemes, without my approval. She just wants to save money!
She is insecure and doesn't trust me. She wants her own stuff: her own car, her own house, etc.

I have never cheated on her, I pay the rents, school fees, paid for her post-graduate programme, buy foodstuffs occasionally etc.

What should I do?

Oga

In all sincerity, what changed?

What turned an open loving wife to one who hoards her salary, saved and wants more from you?

What made her stop trusting you?

Hmmmmmmm.

What ended her marriage to Abounce?

Mekenz:
I grow up from a lovely home,my both parents are still alive, but I can tell you, during my stay in Lagos I have one neighbour like that, a young couple I must say,if you see the way and manner the woman is using insulting word's on her husband, you will have pity on the young man,she capitalize on her husband easy going nature, just because maybe she has money,more than the man. in fact to cut the story short, she is the husband, while the man is the wife, what if tomorrow the man say enough is enough, and muster the courage and start beating the woman after every insults and abuse, or better still start behaving otherwise will you still blame the man? I personal don't like the way the op paint the husband all black, one will think that she is infallible.

@Bold, are you insuiating that it is ok for the husband to be verbally abusive to prove his husbandship?

And we wonder why this issue will never be resolved?

It is ok for the husband to be obnoxious because he is breadwinner, when women learn same attitude, you start to complain.

You can't eat your cake and have it.

Dhinmmar:
He actually quoted me ma using the biblical term for children to a wife.

I asked him if he despite the father cos he did that, which he replied to that he was joking, I replied that I don't fancy such joke and said no problem.
He became angry that I'm mocking his family which I can't remember doing.

He was mocking the first person you quoted.

Mekenze said this:

Mekenz:
a good woman think before talking, using abusive/insulting words to your partner can never be justify, same with using violence on your partner. if you think that you can insult your partner at will, then you should as well be prepared to received flogging....(belt things)

which you quoted highlighting the bold:

Dhinmmar:
Oshey!! Is that how your relatives treat their wives?

Nwanneni then said this to mock the poster your quoted. He was agreeing with you on the absurdity of the post. Hence the allusion to the spare the rod and spoil the child.

nwanneni:
spare the belt,spoil the wife

Anfd you responded to Nwanneni with this

Dhinmmar:
Nwanne jee chuba ego.
Is that why you despise your father.

When it seemed you did not get the joke, he told you here:

nwanneni:
I am not a violent person,too bad you can't get the joke.
I don't despise my father.I don't know where you got that from.

And it went downhill from there.

Funnily, the initial poster you quoted responded:

Mekenz:
I grow up from a lovely home,my both parents are still alive, but I can tell you, during my stay in Lagos I have one neighbour like that, a young couple I must say,if you see the way and manner the woman is using insulting word's on her husband, you will have pity on the young man,she capitalize on her husband easy going nature, just because maybe she has money,more than the man. in fact to cut the story short, she is the husband, while the man is the wife, what if tomorrow the man say enough is enough, and muster the courage and start beating the woman after every insults and abuse, or better still start behaving otherwise will you still blame the man? I personal don't like the way the op paint the husband all black, one will think that she is infallible.

Anyways, it is all good.

Dhinmmar:
Lolz
Toor means OK, ba wahala means no problem. Last time I checked, I didn't insult your family so I don't know what you're blabbing about.
You have time and resources, ehn! gịnị nwe mmezie a
Register my moniker to your head when you want to throw domestic violence joke again.

Shalom

You obviously did not follow the conversation.

He was mocking a male poster telling a female moniker that she deserves to be belted because she is rude.

You quoted him and dragged his father into it.

Peachbloom:
From all these you have posted, and from your replies to me, I see that you are a man who will like to eat your cake and have it!

Roles reversed, can you take half of what I stated happened to the lady?

No, you can't.

I don't subscribe to staying when things are abusive. Many women have lost their lives. I also don't subscribe to divorces either, which is why I tell the people involved, what is your heart telling you to do? Whatever it is, you will be fine.

Marriages aren't rosy agreed. However, some are from the deeper pits of hell, so why stay when you can't go on.

In this lady's case, the following were quite obtainable (kindly note that this is with medical proofs) :

Physical torture and abuse.
Emotional bullying.
His family also started bullying her family (which I am a part of)
She was made to quit 2 jobs in the space of one and a half years all in the name of "why is your wife richer than you." by his family.

Who doesn't pray that his or her child be successful whether male or female?.

He turned her into a shadow of herself. Through all these, she was loyal.

Now things have got better you want to ruin it again?.

Her new mother in law has been so so supportive and prayerful, and the backing is beyond what I expected.

I am happy for her, but your comments are quite disturbing.

Are you sure that is not the ex?

hustla:
LOL
Nothing like Juju
Check Youtube and you'll see videos of how these tricks are debunked
Theres a Youtube channel dedicated to just that and it has millions of views

All them cutting people into 2, walking on water , going through a wall, disappearing, levitating, all are pre-planned illusions done with the right equipment

Check the channel out and you go dey vex cos of how these so called juju magicians dey deceive person

Even the ones done in thick villages were done with right equipment.

udemzyudex:
You believe in God, you believe in Allah, you believe there is witch or you believe there are supernatural powers out there but you don't believe there is juju?


Funny.

As in very funny.

priceaction:
It was an distraction with illusion just like what most magicians do , and yes JuJu too can cause distraction and illusions by hypothesis. . He was not alone. They should play their CCTV and see how it happened. Me and a friend have been duped up to 1000 pounds sometimes ago at Allen junction ,Ikeja when we wanted to change some money. Only to found out that despite counting the naira values several times, he were heavily shotchanged. We now unwind the events and remembered that at a point, we were distracted while counting money.

You mean you all were distracted everytime you counted the money?

Mynd44:
He switched the pack with the drinks with the empty one and asked them to put the pure water on it to give them the impression that their goods were still safe.

There is a big chance he was not alone as while they were bringing the pure water, his accomplice(s) might have made the switch.

How could he switch it when it was the supermarket attendant that put the pure water inside the filled cartoon?

A simple apology would have saved his life.

Apparently he is still the same bully.