₦airaland Forum

Weldone RR

Bukatyne is a combination of my first and middle name.

I am a yoruba girl and based in Nigeria

I am not married but engaged to the bestest fiancée

I am known as a feminist, woman right activist, spiri koko, simple, principled, good cook, mathematician etc etc take your pick. Lol!

My best food depends on my mood and stomach (very sensitive).

I like glancing through materials... (reading would make it too serious) and watching films. I am very indoor person. I relate well with people professionally but not too confident personally (working on it)

I write far stronger than I talk. I'm also very reserved and rehearse my words over especially when with people not close to moi.

I love God and always try to obey Him. (sometimes not easy)

I believe in family life on the right terms.

My greatest asset is my mind and I believe I can be whatever I desire to be with God on my side

biolabee: An unbiased article from a feminist

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/08/gender_pay_gap_the_familiar_line_that_women_make_77_cents_to_every_man_s.html

Ok, we don't have to worry about that

The mind is the best gift God gave to us.

A lot of us have so many ideas and dreams but fear, lack of encouragement and support etc. will not make them see the light of day.

Kudos to these children

deols: I like that you are always so so sincere.
I am not going to ask her to divorce her husband. Family is a very big deal. So is her religion.


But the hypocrites on here know themselves.

@Op's decision and the consequences thereof are hers to bear eventually.

Thanks dear

jidegirl12: .


Must she confess LOUDLY Is this some kind of Religion vendetta thread abi what's all these Prohibitions and Salvation Threats all about??

Na waya oh. As-Sabur ... God is really patient.

@CC thanks for that posts.

Jide,

Like I said earlier, if it was another issue, I might not even comment.

But in this case of eternity, I will say the truth as it is. There is no need coloring or romanticing anything to look 'good'.

When she gets to that bridge, she must confess with her mouth Rom 10: 9 - 10

It's not a religious vendetta thread.

Congrats.

May God keep you and strengthen you

So sweet1

Happy Birthday. It's well with you and family. God will grant all your heart desires and help you fulfill His purpose for your life.

Treat madam well and make her happy always so that she continues to make you happy and it's celebration daily in your home.

Long life and prosperity!

jumzzy448: See me see jamb question oooooo
Pls be truthful to yourself and tell me that if this man was to be your brother, you won't have done same.
Abegggggiiiii.....i'm sure if it was the man that did same, u would be among those who would advice her to leave her matrimonial home.

What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. I am not one of those jobless inlaws who meddle about in what is no concern of mine.

My advice to the woman was the same that I gave the man

biolabee: Madam buka..

Christianity is a religion
A lot of people profess to be xtians does not mean they really obey Christ's teachings

Let's leave it at that

You were right to point out she should not just be a church goer but nEeds to understand it in her own way

Can the man guide her,, Lord knows

Christianity is not a religion, it is a way of life. The apostles were called Christians because they behaved like Christ.

it's well

biolabee: There's no biggue because we don't have to agree.
you don't see christianity as a religion which it is really

Remember christ, peter and john were not called christians

Note jesus praised the woman who gave the least in the temple because of what? - the heart

Read between the lines and you will get my point

Have a nice day

I am sorry but I have to ask 'Are you born-again?' Not a church goer or bench warmer

Christianity is a 'religion', God looks at the heart?

It is really really well.

ameenahz: Babyosisi, it is unfair to call anyone who does not share your opinion a fool. That was uncalled for. The fact that you see something this way does not mean everybody else sees it that way.

Bukatyne, even though we do not practise the same religion, you have spoken with so much wisdom. God bless you.

Ameenahz:

Thanks.

I decided to play my part. It's easy to say 'it doesnot matter' and I will be a liar because if it was the other way round, I will not fold my arms and say 'it doesn't matter'

It's well

Amelian: Do you think being a Musilimah without consience reconciles with God?.... Or being a Christian? What reconciles anyone with God is having a clean conscience, good heart, mind towards pple and God himself, and worshipping God in truth and spirit... Not just carrying the cross on the head for pple to see that you are a Muslilmah or Christain, when deep down the heart and mind is filled wickedness, deceit and corrupt practices ...why am insistent on family , is this when two pple in love are married, and one partner files for divorce from the marriage due to religion or any other instances, do u know that action of divorce has killed the spirit of the other partner..... I mean kill the spirit of either the husband , one is divorcing from , or the wife one is divorcing from. Then we, now talk of the children who will then become lost and follow peer groups and pressures because the children has, no stability and focus point , anymore from a home , they use to know but it's no longer there...
So, invariable that action divorce has killed the spirit of the husband to be a good loving husband to any other woman, cos he will then feel women do not appreciate good men... Then the children , their will to live the right way can also be killed , spiritually especially at a young impressionable age...
And expect God to be happy?
Instead of winning souls, the wife has already killed the loving spirit of her family , just because of the craze of Religion?.......
The husband will cry to God, why such ill fate of marriage ... The poor children will cry to God.. Why did u give us such a mother..... And you, Muslim fanatics expect God to be happy with those despaired minds and hearts.... ..... And claim the wife will make heaven , after ruining minds and souls of her family....

I shake my head in disgust...

Remember, The ways and thots of Man is so so far from God ways and plans....

Amelian,

I am a Christian.

The truth is not always sweet and muchy muchy. The issue of eternity is not as simple as be good and loving else Jesus Christ would not have left His throne and Glory to come to Calvary.

The Bible has stated clearly and explicitly that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. It is either you are a Christian or you are not. it's either you believe or not.

The husband has already disobeyed God's explicit command and this is the result.

It's the husband I have a problem with. If he wants her to become a Christian, he is to do it on his knees and not ordering her to do it.

I will say it again: we are all remembering love because she is to turn to a Christian she? I will like to see the responses of everyone when a Muslim wants his Christian wife to become a Muslim. If she were a Christian, the last option is to divorce her husband...

To those who say it doesn't matter,

Remember Sapphira: God did not say 'Oh, you are joining your husband, you are a good wife'
Remember Lot's wife: Lot did not say 'My darling has looked back and turned to a pillar of salt, let me kiss her one last time'

Salvation is personal and eternal; marriage ends on this earth!

'What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world(marriage, fame, career, kids, family, wealth etc) and loses his soul?'

Sweetmom115: Thanks alot.

We're working things out amicably and by Gods grace divorce wld never be the best options because we love each other more than what people think. My hubby is more concerned with he's children joining my religion which I'm trying to convince him nothing of such would happen.

Thank God for the new development.

If eventually he insists you have to become a Christian, please don't become one because 'my husband said so' and think that he means you should drop hijab, keep your prayer mats and follow him to church but he means that you renounce Allah as your God and you believe (confess loudly) in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Salvation is a personal race and you must work out your salvation irrespective of your husband or kids.

That is the only reason acceptable

I might sound harsh but this is a matter of eternity

I pray God will help you understand my post

It's well with you and family

biolabee: Personally... it does not matter which religion she chooses as long as they are both compatible

That is the koko///

Remember she has been hassled already for being unequally yoked

she has now taken the wiser(meeker) path of compromise so that peace can reign

If the issue on ground was anything else, I might just drop one or two posts and leave.

You as a Christian say that religion does not matter as long as they are compatible

There is something wrong somewhere.

I am saying all this because a Christian woman with similar issues might be reading this and think 'Oh, religion does not matter'

It's well

biolabee: hmm.... nice insight,,, a good family irrespective of religion is the foundation of a solid society
she made the initial error but someone needs to retrace the steps and compromise
in this case .... its the woman... not the best but ....

I disagree with you

A family is not the ultimate, God is...

What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and lose his soul? Marriage is for this earth, salvation is for eternity.

I will sincerely not blame the Muslims that want her to divorce the man.

If the husband is a muslim, I would tell her to divorce him if they cannot reach a compromise. Her salvation is much more important than any marriage. No body would ask if she was married or not.

I wish the OP's could read this thread. Him forcing her to become a christian speaks volume of his own salvation too. If he wants her to be a Christian, he should repent, work on himself and pray to God for her soul.

The last I remembered, it is the Holy Spirit that convicts and not man.

I pray the OP does that which she feels is best for her

carmelion: And so I heard that Angelo of big brother did not propose to his girlfriend, rather he just gave her a promise ring.....hmmm...So I want to ask

Is there really a difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring?.

Hi dear,

Longest time

Was the promise before the BBA or after?

jumzzy448: I really feel for u op, I think you are too cool headed. Pls you just have to take a stand, what rubbish
I think you have been begging her and persuading her to stop that's why she had the guts to even tell you that the id1ot wants to get her a car, and asking if you won't be angry.
Pls kick her ass out. Let her go to her ex and start living with him.
Let her know you can live without her.......infqct i'm so angry. which i'm a member of your family. Would have so much love throwing her and her things out of the house.

What right do you have to 'throw' her things out of the house?

[quote author=baby_123]So jazz is making her take money and gifts from this guy. I thought jazz was usually a one sided thing. Plus the ex is still very married, and has not left his wife for her. So i rule out jazz. Its just greed. With all this man claims to do for her, she is not satisfied. Some people are just born like that.[/quote]I think there is something stronger than greed at work here.

She could secretly collect the ride and say she took a loan or she was given at work. She behaves very immature that's why we want to know her age. Besides, the ex has not bought the car yet. She is treating the hubby like a girlfriend regarding this ex issue

It is well

[quote author=baby_123]This is too unbelievable for you abi? That you use the "charm" option. lmao. I read too and was speechless. I had to ask for the age.[/quote]One has to explore all options.

Reminds me of another thread where the husband wanted to touch her new hair and she kicked his hand away and said that is it the hair abc paid for that he wants to touch?

As there are bad husbands, there are bad wives

There are some men and women not fit to be married

yellowpawpaw: @op, u pay ur wife salary? For what? That means she don't contribute to d upkeep of ur house? What does she do with her money if I may ask?
R u lv struck? She gave u jazz? Or her toto made u not to act like the man of the house?
Chei women get power o!

U practically worship d ground, no, u worship her poo that's why she is treating u like an errand boy.
What nonsense!

Infact,I'm angry,will be right back. That cobweb must clear from ur eyes kpatakpata!
Unu ahukwa mu eshishi?

Dear YPP,

There is nothing wrong in a husband worshiping the ground his wife walks; intact, he ought to worship it and the wife reciprocate by worshiping his too that is really the concept of love and submission.

The problem here is that the wife is not reciprocating

Dear OP,

I really sympathize with you.

I read in your first post that you do not want divorce etc. Which I commend. However, never make anyone feel indispensable. Let your wife know that you are with her because you want to and not because you need to I.e. You can very well survive with/out her.

I also believed you have pleaded with her enough. If the foolish ex buys the car for her and she accepts, just call her parents to come and carry their daughter or you leave the house until both of you can agree on what your marriage should be like.

You don't need to justify your finance here. Even if you are dirt poor, she is your wife and has to stick to you through thick and thin. It seems you have been trying to buy her love since you met or all you offered her is money. The idea she's bored doesn't even hold water for me
I believe she has mouth for a reason. If you are bored, speak out or find ways to spice it afteral it takes two to tango.

You also need to explore the possibility that the ex charmed her. I do not think many wives will (bold to say that their ex wants to buy a car.

It is well

Hi peeps,

Earlier this year, I started really paying attention to my hair

I have noticed that shea butter makes it really really grow, my hair is now softer and fuller...

However, when I washed my hair and combed it, all the growth broke off

Please what can I use to retain the growth?

I guess we are all saying the mother is wise because her hubby is a Christian.

In as much as marriage is important, our faith in God is much more important. The mom is probably not grounded in her religion that's why she thinks a woman should follow her hubby's religion.

I do not even understand the selfishness in me wanting to serve my God the way I am convinced to.

P.S.: Christians and Muslims do not serve the same God.

This is a big lesson to the singles out there: Do not marry someone of another religion esp. if you know you cannot change.

[quote author=edie_mafio]What women want is superiority just as it is in UK and many other western countries.[b]Imagine 2 flat mates (men) when they quarrel,it can't b resolved cos they see them selves as equal and right,if u apply same equality to marriage,how many marriages do u think can survive?[/b]it is vital for a woman to respect her hubby. No matter how stupid he is,it is not for her to decide..unfortunately,not every man feels secure about himself,it is not his fault,u'll only be adding salt to injury to run ur mouth on such a person cos u'll definitely get a slap..
Imagine a very ugly man who marries a pretty lady so his children could look better,first its not his fault that he is ugly,secondly,he did not force his wife to marry him..At this point,he already feels insecure about his situation,he will often suspect his wife,he'd believe his wife's actions are because of his predicaments,and then d woman damages his vulnerable heart by running her mouth,if he gets fraustrated and acts out of provocation and low self esteem,pls understand the kind of pressure he acted under.[/quote]The flatmates' issue has nothing to do with equality. Try pride, arrogance and unselfishness.

How will issues in marriages be solved... (as implied in your post, they are both not equal)

Black Kenichi: True enough! So how are Nigerian women oppressed?

Apologies I Have not answered your question.

Like I stated earlier in this thread, the oppression is now mental i.e. of the mind. While most of the physical issues have been resolved(Education, Wage Gap etc.) the mind was not transformed hence marriage suffers most.

No matter what a woman achieves, some wo(men) still believe that a woman is inferior to a man. I think they worked outside in instead of inside out. That is also the mistake that most religious practice make. (sorry to digress)

Like every other aspect, brains is now the in thing and not brawns. Let us educate people starting from within about gender equality. You do not need to police a child to school. Just enlighten the child on the advantages of education and he/she will be jumping to school daily.

Educate women on their worth and this would affect their decisions and choices. Educate men that they are not superior to women and they will treat them with respect. This sounds simplistic but I believe this is a step in the right direction.

It is well

Hi peeps,

Happy Lord's day

Can someone please quote and inteprete verse 16 of 1 cor 11?

aaidel: hmmmm read a lot of the replies and while most of the women posting on the thread are making sense what they are saying rarely plays out in real life

Give examples of real life scenarios you refer to.

EKOBIZ: I thank my fellow NL that have contributed immensely to my problem I really appreciate the points and lessons. Maybe my points was not clear enough I am the bread winner,she is just at home doing nothing for now but will soon start something. Every kobo she spent is from me,even when she takes money from me to get something she don't return change and I don't complain. They said 2head is better than 1 that was why I tabled it enabling me take a better step in solving it.

The two heads stuff really refers to marriage

Do you do the same to her? Is she accountable to you or does she volunter this info on her own?

I would agree that skinny jeans (if it's what I think it is) looks very indecent when worn with a short top. I ll infact say that those trousers were made for long tops. Wearing them with short tops is akin to wearing tights alone.


What I seem not to understand is this fixation on married women. The belief system that women can do what they like (dressing et al) to become saintly after marriage is weird. No wonder some married women turn haywire after their hubby"s death or when hubby ain't there.

I also wonder if there is a different set of morals for single and married. Let us remember that it's the young that grows old.

My point: no need asking if something is not good for married. If it is not good for married, it's also not good for singles.

Like my mum would say, a film that is rated is not good for anyone to watch