₦airaland Forum

A husband is serially cheating/abusing his pregnant wife and we are advising her to pray and play beautiful wife?

It's well

Black Kenichi: I'm no pastor. I'm not rich enough to be a pastor!

Lol!

On a serious note, being a pastor has nothing to do with wealth.

Black Kenichi: I don't need luck. Feminists will fall when the USA falls.

Pastor Black has spoken!

biolabee: Please may i ask what do you mean?
I know some children from seperated homes and they are cool lads

You are collobrating my point.

I don't know where people get the fallacious idea that all children from broken homes are bitter or sad or failures.

An average home is already single parented with an absentee father. I also don't know how a home filled with bitterness and pain is better than a peaceful home with a single parent.

I guess it's the suffering and smiling attitude that let us hold on to things no longer existing.

A lot of homes are not conducive for living hence that's why we have a lot of bitter and psycho people around.

Funny but her lips before are better than after!

I believe training kids in general depends on the kind of children you have.

Study your individual children and treat them accordingly.

Black Kenichi: I'm against all types of feminism. Black feminism was created by Gloria Steinem.

Goodluck to you.

Those who are benefitting from it are.

salt 1: It sucks when the fathers of the land are portrayed as spineless, irresponsible nincompoops who must be held in by a lash ostensibly by a wife who may be several years younger than them. What is the quality of such a fellow as a husband who can sleep with just about anybody and blame it on wife, hormone, society? A person who cannot control his impulses (anger, arousal etc) is no better than a beast. Soon the instructions would include: wives, hide your purses lest you tempt the man to steal.
Please don't disparage the fathers, sons, husbands and brothers!
Bravo to all the faithful, dutiful and loving fathers, sons, husbands and brothers!

I can't just understand. If you become fat, I will cheat! If you are too thin, I will cheat! If you laugh too much, I will Cheat!

What happened to communicating like matured people? If the husband doesn't like the maid does some things, why doesn't he tell his wife lovingly?

I wonder if a lot of people understand what marriage really means.

Bravo to the real fathers, sons, husbands and brothers too!

biolabee: Thanks for the response
I appreciate the honesty of some of the respondents here though I am a bit concerned about the impact of a seperated home on the children and finances

In the West, some couples still have to live together in a loveless marriage because they cant afford to sell the home due to the recession and any proceeds may not be enough to live seperately

The matter tire me sef

May God Help Us All

Some children start to really live after their parents are separated.

kilmix: State of Nature refers to how things were created.(Which ever way you think life came into existence).
I quoted her on the issue of Women not allowed to act in Britain when @fellis referred to Nigerian men.

You have not answered my question:
Do you mean God by State of Nature?

biolabee: I was trying to get a sense of relative tolerance by ladies
Each gave their own tolerance factor based on their own experiences or as we call it 'risk appetite'


On your second question, you will have to answer me as a lady because I have answered the question in my posts where I made reference to monogamy vs polygamy dichotomy


You seem to have quoted me out of context

I can't cope with nos 2 and 3.

No 1 will ruin the relationship and special bond we have and it'll take a conscious effort to build it again.

Everybody have their flaws and thresholds.

I can't stomach a cheating or abusive husband.

biolabee: I don't think at any point I mentioned any exclusion of fidelity

Then why your question 'if a woman would stay if her husband does his duty but has a steady mistress?'

Can a husband be truly said to be doing his duty if he's unfaithful to his wife?

biolabee: A mans duty in my words is to be a dutiful husband to his wife, loving father to the kids; protect and shelter them and ensure the family achieves their potential.

Its more than this but a lot of males learn from their fathers

And you think this duty excludes fidelity and faithfulness?

Brightmind: {b]That's something but very much unlikely - or so i think. Look at it this way, if he is not into the lady why will he be spending years hanging around her for?[/b] For me, i think he is being indecisive especially because he is not sure marriage is what he wants at the time being or he probably thinks he is not capable of heading a home yet. Whatever the case, the lady needs to encourage him to make decisions like that.



I see you point, truly ladies need to stop doing that. Whatever i have recommended in this article is better done naturally...if he finds out you are trying to get him to marry you, it might be difficult to get him to make a decision

For you to think that all men hang out with their girlfriends because they want to marry them is wrong. Most of them are probably looking for a warm bed and plate till they see who they want to 'marwi'. A woman can't make the decision for a man because the man is to lead his home.

kilmix: My Dear gender superiority is not peculiar to Nigeria.
In fact, in Britain under the Shakespearean and Elizabethan Literature, women were not allowed to act in their dramas in theatres. In Romeo and Juliet, a man acted as Juliet at that time .. Men were costumed as women.
Even in the Land of Freedom, America, there has never been a Female President.
Male superiority was not created by Man. It is in the ordering of things(State of Nature).
Am not against women treated equally with men.

The Matrimonial Causes Act LFN 1990 would be helpful as it relates to a married woman changing her last name to that of the husband.

Which State of Nature?
Who stopped these women from acting? Angels?

byvan: There reAlly is no marriAge where infidelity abounds.....you re very much on point.

It's really amazing people think it's ok if a man cheats or has a steady mistress as long as he's performing his duties at home.

This now births the question:


What is a man's duty at home?(i.e. to his wife, children)

CAMNEWTON4PRES: @ bukatyne....in case you are/were wondering camnewton and campride are the same person

Read this

Like I said in one of my posts, the oppression and marginalization is not a tangible thing you can see per se. We can only see the manifestation of the orientation. Don't you hear when men say 'how can a mere woman talk to me like that?'

CAMEROONPRIDE: We are talking about Africa, bukatyne and you are African. Now who raised those males( African males in our African societies/countries) ? The answer is women/mothers/grandmothers/aunts etc we are raised by you all your wahala simply means you have failed so stop putting the blame on us and start raising your kids/future kids well.

As for pseudo sexist well I don't share your views and I dont think there's a strong sexism or institutionalized sexism like you want us to believe.

Women are the problem and are the solution

Eh

I am now sure you don't understand my post. I am NOT laying the blame on anybody or party. I was proposing possible solutions.

CAMEROONPRIDE: Yes now answer the questions please

What questions? My post have answered your questions

CAMEROONPRIDE: So you have all the rights you want right?

So what oppression were u talking about?

Who raised those male children? Women no?

Did you read my posts at all?

CAMEROONPRIDE: Its simple as we are typing mrs bukatyne what rights do you want? How exactly are u oppressed?

What should we change?

Lol at 'what rights do I want?'

The problem is not physical and can't really be fixed physically. I see it as an orientation thing. It's just like the case of corruption in Nigeria. Men have been consciously and unconsciously brought up to disregard women. From how parents train their kids to the way wives are treated in marriages to how women are perceived in the society.

It's not waving a wand or making decrees would solve. For example, what laws do you make to correct how male children are brought up? It's about reorienting people about men-women relationships. I think this can be best achieved by parents, pastors and members.

[quote author=maar!a]Dear Women!
Have you ever asked yourself why husbands are sleeping with maids?

Well my findings revealed that maids are doing wives' duties.

Most wives are now full time facebookers, bb users,whatsapp etc chatting 24/7 at the expense of their homes.

Even when their husbands return from work, they won't welcome them with love and husbands that don't want argument, will go straight to the kitchen to get pure water to cool down.

Unfortunately maids whose 'oranges' are intact not floppy like wives will welcome your husbands.

At weekends, you don't stay home to cook special meals, you leave your maids to to do the task and where are you? Partying!

Don't you know these maids have needs as well and they have automatic promotion if your husbands should have s^x with them so pls dear women stop allowing maids to perform your duties.

Don't start crying when it happens because you pushed him to do what he never wanted to do.I know you may be busy, but if the Maid cooks food, be the one to serve that food to ur husband, welcom him always when he's from work, be the one to give him water to take a shower,and never let ur House Maid enter ur Bed room to clean there!

I dont say it is sole cause but i do say that it is one of the causes why Most men use to sleep with maid...

"THANK YOU for Reading!"
Hit like if you loved it

Follow me for more[/quote]@OP:

Please differentiate between a mindless brainless baby and a man matured enough to lead his family.

I am sure you will pat a child for stealing because his parents don't feed him properly.

I am waiting for the version of why a wife sleeps with the driver.

[quote author=DC-ONE]Me too ....im telling you the truth you dont want to hear man and woman cant be 50/50.the man is always the head and the woman is submissuve to him....I wud like to have a wife that thinks like you but not support dumb ideaology like the one you are killing your self on.[/quote]Do you know what it means for a husband to be the head of his wife and family?
Do you know what submission means?
Do you know any Bible verse that states a man and woman or husband and wife are not equal?

nanauju: You r as silly as ur comment. It's in the Bible that she should submit to her husband.

Can you define submission?

biolabee: well...



it does not always work like that though women will like it for thunder and brimstone to fall
i know a guy that took his wife in after she messed up maybe due to the kids... but he is an exception
will i do same.. i dont know

Do i expect my wife to leave me if i transgress.. she may she may not
God knows but i dont want to try it

I have a question for the women in the house

Are these sins the same to yo, rate in order of 'worst-ness'
1. A man has a fling once
2. A man has a steady mistress and does not neglect his home duties
3. A serial philanderer like the man in the post

Will you throw away your marriage because of these

Hi,

There is no marriage when either party cheats...

I don't know what you mean by a man having a steady mistress and still doing his duties at home.

Fellonigerians: Useless excuse... Why wont the man demand that the wife perform her duties well

So if na houseboy nko will he start sleeping with him

God bless you o!

He will become an homosexual!

shot ur trap: My dear I pity u. U are just another crazy f**l on this blog. I am a man, if my woman does all the op said above. She doesn't cook my food, to her saturdays are for party and hanging out with friends. Then when u come back u are exhausted and tired and want to sleep. No time for the man. When u know he only has the weekends to spend with u. He works throughout week day.

Pls leave all this foolish western life that we see in white men's movies.imagine coming back and ur wife is never there to welcome u. But when she need money or favor she appears like an Apparition to ask for it. If he doesn't give u don't care. But she she is never at home.
I pity u poeple. If u do this to me as a man, I will not only sleep with our maid, I will sleep with ur friends, sisters, enemies. What rubbish

Its like the wrong is now the norm in our society and people now feel anything goes. A woman should take care of her home. Not put some one to assist her while she runs around for useless things. It means I married that person that is always around to tend to my needs. I just got vexed by SHOLLYPOPZ comment. Nonsense

Just you just spew the bolded?

Morals have really been thrown to the dogs for a person to boldly say because my wife doesn't take care of me bla bla bla, I would sleep with the maid et al.

I hope you don't mind your wife sleeping with the driver when you travel for business deals.

anonymoux: @fellis

Firstly, I'm glad you are not getting any angry. You talked about me not bringing animals into the matter but you are doing exactly same thing, is that not like being an 'hypocrite'. Anyways ignore my last word before the full stop.

I was not trying to compare us to animals, I was actually judging from God's own point of view(i believe). Also, if you want to say being superior is judge base on 'wisdom', as against strength then you sure will agree with me men are more likely, wiser than women. I will not compare, but you just judge from your society.

I sure know you will argue with me that maybe women are wiser right? Okay, I will give that credit to you in advance. So lets both say women are wiser than men - Agreed. Now, I notice just about 99.99999% of women worldwide give up their father's name when getting married or at least, they submit to their husband and adopt his own father's name after marriage, so therefore, I believe it is a very wise thing.

So, in another light, I will say, more than 4 billion wise women worldwide will do this and who are you then to say it is a wrong thing to do? So I want to believe it will be safe to say anybody who refuses these fact, should be considered as a less intelligent being - so I understand dearie... And mind you, do you know what a strand of hair will look in in the mist of over 4 billion hairs packed together LOL, your guess is as good as mine... 'NON EXISTENCE!!!' So dearie, whatever you thinks or believes doesn't count even among your fellow women. Those pushing you, will have no problem giving up their own fathers name after all it is just a name for Christ sake!!....

If you say both man and women are both equal, I still agree with you, and my above statement still answers it. If you say men are more superior beings i still agree with you, and my above statement still answers you. Just change women to men and that's all.

[b]Furthermore, I agree with you completely that marriage is like an institution. I know it is also all about co-operation, yes I agree, but I also want you to know that there are basics that must not be altered. Both men and women are both equal, but the basic is that the woman must submit to the man. It is not even about who provides for the home. Even the woman is a rich as bill gates, it is a must that the woman submits to the man, for peace to reign. Something I like about women is that, it is already in their nature to submit to a man. Most women I've met want to be 'control' (not like enslaved o) I mean they want to call their man 'Oga' or whatever, they want to have the feeling that they have someone in their life that is 'bigger'. And men on the other hand, want to have someone they can 'control'. As in, they can tell to do this and the person will obey. Not someone who will tell you, "y u no do am by yourself" when you ask her to do something.

So that is that for you. Even America today is not run by two part, but one. And Obama have a vice. It doesn't change anything at all, but that is the only way forward if you ask me. And like I said earlier, a woman not submitting to her husband is a sure way to a fail marriage quote me. Now i understand that there are exception. Like in cases when the woman is already famous, like Beyonce Knowles. Not like these women are not ready to lay low, but their carrier demands that they keep such names because changing it, is like start all over again. So for the average woman who says she cannot leave her name is planning for a fail marriage already....

Despite the co-operation needed in marriage, one party just have to lay low, be it the man or the woman. But it just have to be the woman for reason stated above[/b]

A man is the head of his home as Christ is the head of his church, I completely agree...
A woman is to submit to her husband only, I completely agree...

It would however do you good to know what submission means in Christianity.

Ephesians 5:21-33 addresses marriage.

A man is to love his wife and a wife is to submit to her husband. Remember in Romans, Paul tells Christians to submit to one another so you can see that it's not a result of being inferior to the husband. Love expected from a husband is defined in 1Cor 13: 1 - 8. The wife is to submit so she esteems her husband. A husband who genuinely loves his wife esteems her above himself hence she is to submit so the husband is not like a fool.

Remember that a husband is called to serve his wife how Christ served the church. That's where the concept of servant leadership comes from.

A man is the head of his family because he is the source i.e. a man decides to marry and start a family hence he is to determine the culture of his home. If he wants his home to be peaceful, hot, terrible, it lies in his hands. it's is duty to lay the ground rules.

A husband and wife are still equal.

[quote author=DC-ONE]@fellis you nor get work,you just come to nairaland to argue so that you would be praised,why dont you go out there and carry a ply card and protest and see if anybody would send you.
....you cant change anything,had it been God want the woman to be the head he would have created the woman first....(i sorry for the man wey go marry you

And for@Chukkywob i guess you have used your aguement against men to woo @fellis and she has fallen for you....why dont you guys get together and marry each other...lets see who will bear who's surename....laugh haha loool........
I guess cukkywob name would be Chukkywob Fellis...looool.....[/quote]Why can't you learn to leave people with their views?
I guess the animals should be the head then considering the hierarchy of creation.

fellis: Don't mind all these people. When they have nothing to say they start insulting the person they are talking to.



Thanks love, I'm flattered
So which of my points do you not agree with and why don't you agree with them?

U are welcome...

From the Biblical view, a man gives a woman his name as a symbol of his love. I am not saying it's compulsory to change your surname as a woman. Infact, it's not mentioned in the Bible like you rightly said. I am just using Jonathan giving David his sword at al as a type of a man giving his wife his name.

anonymoux: @ fellis,

No need to fight, and for the record, let me answer your question directly,
Yes, men are so superior to women and that is a fact. Apart from the fact that men are stronger,
smarter, faster, and even bigger.
men have also been blessed by God and his son and only child himself. So it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...


The fact that God is a male and that he has only one child and that child is also a male, is enough reason that male will forever rule....

No fighting... By the way, look everywhere around you.... Even the men are generally more accepted even by your fellow female folk that they(female) accept themselves...

Nevertheless, I think women on the other hand are catching up...

Like I always say, I have no problem with people's opinions...

I care when they begin to use the Bible to back them up.

No where in the Bible did God even hint that a man was superior to a woman. As for been smarter, I don't know if you did a census to determine that. The Bible says that 'let us create man in our image...' male and female He created them.

Man is the generic name for the human race. God created males and females in His image so dude, God is not a 'male' per se.

Midastorch: That girl is not worth the arguement brov.you don't need to knw some people before you knw the kinda family they cm frm.A family where the Mum competes with the dad.even tells the dad to shutup and he does.

You have concluded that fellis' mum competes with her dad because she doesn't believe a woman should change her name after marriage?

You must be a seer