₦airaland Forum

bcomputer101: Another 30+ frustrated lady.
Abi what is your age?
Mtshewwwww!!!

You must really be dumb!

I pray you don't have female kids in future so that the quantity of low self esteemed I must be mrs somebody by force will reduce.

Royal Roy: Getting loads of ideas and inspirations here.
Most women will never take what your wife did at all. I guess she understood what a year away in a foreign cold land could do to a man. I believe you are very lucky sir,and surely u should value that woman more.
Romance with the kids around sure can be dissapointing some times. Have just realised that here,taking a queue from you. Waiting for the concluding parts.......eagerly.

Dear Sir,

I hope same understanding would be given if it was the other way round?

pleep: ^ nope

In the real world "lets all just get along" doesn't mean shyte... Anyone who holds on to an ideology that is 80% false, misleading information deserves to be treated like a fool.

Civility is a virtue Pleep, learn it.

Black Kenichi: The most intelligent thing you or any other feminist has wrote!

Thanks

Now I am blushing

Feminists and Anti-feminists might have a middle ground afteral

I wonder what the OP's motive was for opening this thread.

If a 'matured' man like the OP still thinks that all women should have been married by 25 despite all odds, then we have a serious problem in our society.

What's really with the insults?

Let's just state our points and move on.

Like I say, there is a man for every woman. If you do not believe in feminism, then marry an anti feminist

I still believe that there are 'different' types of feminism.

One of the earliest posts on this thread stated that some 'feminists' condemned Harriet Tubman because she saved men or whatever.

Well, I hold her up in very very high esteem and think she was an heroine. I believe in giving men and women equal chances and opportunities. It would have been ridiculous and unfair to leave the men because they are 'men'. That would be no different from what they are protesting against.

Whether we are feminists or not, let us endeavor to treat others exactly the way we want to be treated and always be courteous and kind to one another irrespective of gender or status.

I guess the whole gbege is on because

1. Mama Oyo doesn't expect Baba Oyo to hold bodi for one year... whatever happened to their martial vows and commitment?

2. Baba Oyo doesn't think he will forgive Mama Oyo... What of 'do unto others as you want them to do unto you?'

Baba Oyo, use your experience to know that nobody even Mama Oyo is infallible and be ready to forgive just as she extended forgiveness to you.

After all said, it's a nice holiday story. Please continue

Aleovera: Hello house,

I have been a consistent guest on this forum and decided to hop on to the next level by becoming a member.. yayy

Okay so, as regards the subject, let me start by giving a brief description of myself or the sort of person I used to be. I used to think of myself as really disciplined, principled and one who would never compromise her values or standards. Also, I used to be so quick to pass judgement. I never could understand why girls dated married men and deluded themselves into thinking they were in love! Not only did I find such circumstances disgustingly annoying but also judged the ladies as silly, stupid, gullible, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish and cruel!

I also had zero tolerance for people who cheat on their partners. I saw them as discontented and highly undisciplined individuals.

However, I have had reason to change my perspectives as a result of some recent happenings in my life!

I cheated on my partner with a married man! I am totally shocked at myself! The crazy part of this is that I think I fell in love with this married man! My boo and I are tight and have been together for well over 4years and I always thought I could never be attracted to any other man. I have tried to put an end to this craziness because it just ain't worth it but its so hard.

The purpose of this thread is to:
1) Let you all who think so highly of yourself to be careful lest you fall. Never say never! Never think you are too disciplined or smart or principled to fall for certain temptations. Those who know me will never believe me if I tell them I fell for adultery (I can't even believe myself)

2)Seek counsel from people who have gone through this kind of stuff. You had an affair you knew you had to get out of but just couldn't, how did you deal with it.

What I have been doing lately is praying and deliberately not contacting this married dude. (I still find myself thinking about him)I also told my boo I needed a break!

Please let's discuss maturely as I believe there are so many people going through this kinda stuff but cant share with anyone because of the fear of condemnation and peoples hypocritical and self righteous attitude!

From your posts, I deduce you have a Christian background however, I might be wrong.

Go to God and cry to him. As you have rightly know, he is somebody's man and can never belong to you. I would prefer you tell your BF, it would help with the restitution. Even if he decides to end your relationship, it's better than continuing your relationship on a false basis.

Everybody thinks they can't do some things till they fall hard.

During my service year, I remember the election period. Prior to that, I believed I couldn't collect bribe in any form or compromise my integrity till the money and guns started coming for us to rig elections. Some people refused participating after the first elections because they couldn't stand it. After the elections, they gravity of what happened dawned on me and I wept for days. I had to pray to cleanse my conscience and I ended up losing the money via fraudsters.

Why my story? I learnt from that experience and I am now sure such would not happen again. It's not my duty to judge you because my lie will land me in this same place as you sleeping with a married/single man. With this bitter experience of yours, you would be forever able to avoid such temptations and advise others.

God be with you

[quote author=Texas.Cowgirl]Back to my original response

Is it by force to marry?

Poster, stay on this section for a week and I promise you you'll be more than happy with your single life [/quote]'Marriage is like a besieged city; those inside want to get out and those outside want to get in'

author unknown

amtheone: Happy, u have to take it easy on urself. U don't need to put urself under intense pressure: for such will not help. U maybe thinking that all ur mate are married, its not true.

The most important thing is to prepare yourself for what u are looking for(husband) for u will surely get married.

Don't let family or societal pressure drive u into places that u are not comfortable with. It is not by human power, but it is God that gives husband/wife.
If u are bless with materials, don't let them be a barrier but a blessing, and if u are opportuned to seee other climates don't brag about it so much. Take life simple.

Don't worry so much about ur age. I got married to my wife who is above ur age(our wedding was on d 4th of May 2013), the same age bracket with my wife. As I'm typing this, we are still in the honeymoon though my angel is not feeling too fine.

Again, God can bring ur husband to come and meet u even in ur parents' kitchen. So, its not by how expose u are or where u have been to that matters but ur character and God's time in ur life. Ask me how I met my wife, that will be a diff topic.

Remain blessed.

Congrats!

You sure say madam never catch the ball? Lol!

@OP: others have said it all. Analyze the characteristics you want in your dream husband, develop them yourself and your husband will be attracted to you.

Cheers

Olasaint: I've been married for a while, and Open communication is a rule in my house. it creates the following scenarios

- I cannot have a girlfriend that will cost me more than 5000 per month
- I cannot go anywhere without my wife ending up knowing about it.
- My wife knows all my past relationships (she once joked to my sister that she knows who to suspect can bring a love child)
- All intimate topics are open for discussion.

It looks good to me because we end up getting closer and she feels safer to take risks with me even when she is not sure about the outcome (from experience)

What is your experience? Is this a safe strategy in this culture?

Same here and it's all good

outrage: [size=13pt]Why not add other religion.
It is obvious others don't care how their religion is spoken about on this forum, since they are thanking you for removing it, instead of modifying it to suit every religion.


Just incase you haven't noticed muslims can't insult or talk bad about christain believes like insulting jesus/moses/adam etc. Usually when they talk bad about the religion, its on a personal level.

But on the other hand chirtains and other religion insult and talk bad about our prophet muhammad (saw) and islam in general. That is very unacceptable.

I know I can't say much to change your mind seun, but muslim MODS this is your responsibility, its on your shoulders to see that the religion of islam is protected on this forum to the best of your knowledge.

You got out cries that it was unfair to the christains for the rule number 17, its unfair to muslims to strik it out. I believe since its a democratic enviroment, we should meet at the middle.

Personaly I don't talk bad or look down on any persons believes, you can go through my comments and confirm. But I know everybody can't be the same, hence that's why we need rules.


Please seun, be fair to islam..[/size]

And what really is your problem?

What is be 'be fair to Islam?'

Who was dark to it before?

If not that you are a religious bigot, why didn't you say 'be fair to all religions?'

A quick question: How does bashing Islam/Christianity on Nairaland affect it in the real world?

Get a grip!

Kaycee7: Who told you girls don't want sex? Just because they don't do d asking doesn't mean they don't want 2 seek out dat hot dude. Both sexes should try 2 control theirselves. Its not up 2 any particulas sex.

God bless you.

True2myself24: I didn't say I wanted a millionaire I'm saying for starters he has to be financially independent. That does not mean rich.

Is it all financially independent guys that has a car? What of a guy that just got a job?

Do not despise days of little beginnings.

Some men married their wives in a little party but today are in millions and billions.

#justsaying

Acidosis: Arrogant
Stubborn
Talkative
Lover of money
A girl with too many male friends
A girl who doesn't respect her parents
Lazy girl
A girl whose mom is divorce
A girl whose paternal route is unknown
An extremely beautiful girl
A girl who doesn't believe in my God
stingy (atleast to her relatives)
drinker/smoker
one with tatoo
heavy make up

And how does a girl have control over the bolded factors?

fubbyy: Most od these girls talking about whom they can't date have not even seen the least to date

What is your business?

The thread invites everyone to 'describe the person you would never date' and you are picking on the girls' responses?

Why do some guys on NL lack respect for women and their views?

True2myself24: I refuse to date any man who dosen't have a job, or a car, and still lives with his parents.

What has a job, car or house got to do with a man's eligibility for relationship?

Babe, don't chase the shadows and leave the substance...

A man can become a millionaire/pauper in one second!

Nice!

Numbering your points wouldn't hurt

WackyJ1: Why is it that girls of nowadays don't want to learn wisdom the right way, they don't like to value their virginity and they loose it at an early age or loose it while still in the university and even those that may have lost it earlier on , they keep playing around and moving from one guy to another.
why is it that our young ladies from ages 17 to 20, don't seem to have the sense to value the important things in life and relationships like honesty, being caring and respect, when they see a boy that gives it all to them and is ready to show it, they discard it and go after boys with swags and money, leading many guys to believe that girls don't like nice guys and all they are after is money. They believe that it is all about flexing and going with any boy that shows you attention and cash, they don't even see any reason to be faithful again, they will go around many guys before they finally discover that money and swag is not everything and that most of the buys that come are after what is under their skirts without any plan for anything long term, and it when they have finished doing this and many guys (more than 3) have done this to them, they finally begin to get small sense

My recent ex, i told her everything bout how guys will come for her since she is still in 100level and they will try all sorts of tricks on her, i even told her all the tricks, even told her the tendency of girls to be foolish and tried to make her see the things that were important, i was patient, never tried to cheat at all, i tried to be a bf contrary to what girls are complaining about guys being liars and cheats. but that didn't stop her from telling me one day that she couldn't continue, didn't even give me a reason why (she wanted me to be the one to come collect the reason from her, she never made an independent effort to try and find me and tell me why) , we didn't talk for almost a week, (where once we couldn't stay without talking for 24 hours, she didn't bother to call to give me a reason why), there was no quarrel, nothing, even if a was a badoo boyfriend, i don't deserve this kind of goodbye and my guys around me have been telling me that the most plausible reason why she could have changed this fast is because of another guy (Imagine that).

The reason i started this thread is for all those ladies who finally want to marry and then they have "long report cards" as someone here put it, is being used and dumped many times the only way for ladies to get sense? Personally i have a clean card and it is going to be difficult for me to just look when my fiancee in future tells me they have slept with 5 men over the years.

Hi Op

Just as some ladies seem not to learn, some guys seem not to learn too.

No gender has the monopoly of foolishness.

eze moses: it turns me off when a girl is really trying hard

LOL!

CAMNEWTON4PRES: You have been too much around males who weren't raised well. Beside why do u want to talk to someone in the first place?

Women despite everything shouldn't ignore their place, which is def not the same as the men, we are diff and you should learn how to deal with it

I don't know what you are talking about.

I don't know what you mean by a woman's place either

ayenny02: Why can't you help me for that?

Excuse me

Don't you know your Quran anymore?

talk2me006: yes! i copied it to exposed one of the verses that your pastors will always hide from their members

[color=#770077][/color]

How can a pastor hide a passage from his members? Does he buy them an edited version or what?

CAMEROONPRIDE: Safe..no feminists

LOL!

CAMEROONPRIDE: ^^ she was being sarcastic lol, Chilax

Hi my friend,

How is Cameroon this afternoon?

ayenny02: ISLAM is arabic word which means surrender to d will of God, Those who practice religion of islam are called Muslim. Muslim is an arabic word and which means worshiper of none except Allah alone.

Also Allah is an Arabic word which means God, Supreme Being. In Hebrew language God means ELOHA but jews use plural form ELOHIM. It is not subject to plurality or gender. It is confusing to use the word God as many English-speaking Christian still consider Jesus as God, even the word creator is also confusing, as many christians still maintain that jesus had created the world.

If u can access to Arabic Bible that those christian arabs are using, you will see that God in that bible translate to Allah

Not only the name of Allah is strange, but also the way muslims worship Allah with ablution, bowing, kneeling, prostration and fasting is strange to non-muslim, but not strange to all prophets.

While ablution (washing of face, arms, feet and moistening of d hair) prior to worship is abandoned by modern christian, it is still required by muslim and previous prophets, as seen in the following passages of the Bible: Exodus 40:31-32
31 And Moses and Aaron and his sons washed their hands and their feet thereat:
32 When they went into the tent of the congregation, and when they came near unto the altar, they washed; as the Lord commanded Moses.

John 13:12-15
12 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.
14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.
15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.


Although Paul made many changes in jesus teaching, he was still faithful in respect to ablution(purification) as seen in Act 21:26;
26 Then Paul took the men, and the next day purifying himself with them entered into the temple, to signify the accomplishment of the days of purification, until that an offering should be offered for every one of them.


Muslim Women perform their prayer with their head covered as 1 cor 11:5, 6 and 13;
5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?


Muslims worship with bowing, kneeling, prostration and without shoes as done by previous Prophet;
Psalm 95:6
6 O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the Lord our maker.

Joshua 5:14
14 And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the Lord am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my Lord unto his servant?

Nehemiah 8:4-6
4 And Ezra the scribe stood upon a pulpit of wood, which they had made for the purpose; and beside him stood Mattithiah, and Shema, and Anaiah, and Urijah, and Hilkiah, and Maaseiah, on his right hand; and on his left hand, Pedaiah, and Mishael, and Malchiah, and Hashum, and Hashbadana, Zechariah, and Meshullam.

5 And Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people; (for he was above all the people and when he opened it, all the people stood up:

6 And Ezra blessed the Lord, the great God. And all the people answered, Amen, Amen, with lifting up their hands: and they bowed their heads, and worshipped the Lord with their faces to the ground.

Matthew 4:10
10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

How can you prove the existence of pre-Mohammed Islam with the Bible?

Why not use the Koran to prove it?

mu2sa2: It's her money that's making her feel too big. Pregnancy is a difficult time for any woman, but it's not an excuse to tell off her husband. You can see the effect of that now!

I believe you didn't read this before posting.

What is the correlation between her money and her lack of desire for sex during pregnancy?

Pregnancy is not an excuse to tell off her husband? Did she tell him off? Didn't she try to do the do even when she wasn't feeling it?

Yes, I can see the effect of marrying an immature baby who doesn't know what it means to be married.

Mu2sa2, tell me, how would you honesty feel if your wife sleeps with different men because you are sick or stressed and you tell her off?

I am waiting....

mrvictor: Divorce is not the solution, my sister.
Your child will forever be a bond between you and that man.
First of all, you have to open your mind. You have the keys to the solution and none else.

Communication is the wall between the two of you.
Create the mood. Have a heart to heart talk with your man.
Don' hate him, love him. Initiate an open-minded conversation with him and not confrontation.
He is not a devil just as you are not. He loves loving and being loved just like you. "Men are like babies, don't forget"

Create the mood.
Find out why he got got into that lifestyle. You might be shocked to find out you created more than half the problem your are now experiencing. You still can solve it.

Did/Do you make him comfortable or uncomfortable around you? Get him to talk and enjoy himself around you.

What have you told him in the past? ...how earn more than he does?...how you feed and house him?
...Men hate being run down no matter their status.
...Men don't like being told they are worth less than real men.
A man, no matter how small he is (even a 3year old boy) naturally doesn't like being told he is not man enough. Such mentions are easy ways to quietly send your man away from you and get him into trying to prove his worth in anyway possible.

You might have deprived him of seexx which a very dangerous action in marriage, but nonetheless, it is not too late to fix.

Who do you talk to? Have you involved wrong friends that will rather suggest things that will destroy your home while they sit back, watch and laugh at you?

You need to read books and develop yourself so that you can handle him better. Try some helpful books like "Why You behave the way you do", "Opposites Attract(bringing out the best in your spouse's temperament)" by Tim Lahaye, Heart to Heart; the art of communication, Men are from Venus Women are from Mars, etc.

Is he now avoiding you? Men are known to be less confrontational than women. They tend to run away from troubles while a woman naturally would stand to confront, fight, whine, cry and nag. Please, don't ever chase him away. Make him welcome. I tell you that man will kneel & apologize someday soon. You will get your man back.

Don't hate him ... Go get your man back! He is yours! You deserve to enjoy your marriage.
Make it work! No one else can make it work but you.
Even friends have their own headaches too to sort out.
Even the couples you think are doing great, have their own issues but resolve it afterall.


Above all, prayer is the master key.

The Bible supports divorce on the grounds of infidelity...
#justsaying

mrvictor: Divorce is not the solution, my sister.
Your child will forever be a bond between you and that man.
First of all, you have to open your mind. You have the keys to the solution and none else.

Communication is the wall between the two of you.
Create the mood. Have a heart to heart talk with your man.
Don' hate him, love him. Initiate an open-minded conversation with him and not confrontation.
He is not a devil just as you are not. He loves loving and being loved just like you. "Men are like babies, don't forget"

Create the mood.
Find out why he got got into that lifestyle. You might be shocked to find out you created more than half the problem your are now experiencing. You still can solve it.

Did/Do you make him comfortable or uncomfortable around you? Get him to talk and enjoy himself around you.

What have you told him in the past? ...how earn more than he does?...how you feed and house him?
...Men hate being run down no matter their status.
...Men don't like being told they are worth less than real men.
A man, no matter how small he is (even a 3year old boy) naturally doesn't like being told he is not man enough. Such mentions are easy ways to quietly send your man away from you and get him into trying to prove his worth in anyway possible.

You might have deprived him of seexx which a very dangerous action in marriage, but nonetheless, it is not too late to fix.

Who do you talk to? Have you involved wrong friends that will rather suggest things that will destroy your home while they sit back, watch and laugh at you?

You need to read books and develop yourself so that you can handle him better. Try some helpful books like "Why You behave the way you do", "Opposites Attract(bringing out the best in your spouse's temperament)" by Tim Lahaye, Heart to Heart; the art of communication, Men are from Venus Women are from Mars, etc.

Is he now avoiding you? Men are known to be less confrontational than women. They tend to run away from troubles while a woman naturally would stand to confront, fight, whine, cry and nag. Please, don't ever chase him away. Make him welcome. I tell you that man will kneel & apologize someday soon. You will get your man back.

Don't hate him ... Go get your man back! He is yours! You deserve to enjoy your marriage.
Make it work! No one else can make it work but you.
Even friends have their own headaches too to sort out.
Even the couples you think are doing great, have their own issues but resolve it afterall.


Above all, prayer is the master key.

The Bible supports divorce on the grounds of infidelity...
#justsaying

Siena: When a guy cheats on his wife constantly, and isn't even discreet about it, that means he's past caring, and has no respect for his wife. In most cases, the husband wants the wife to initiate the divorce, so he'll come up smelling of roses.

That way, he'll be seen as the victim, and the wife as the monster who dared divorce her husband.

Divorce is much better than a loveless marriage, it's not taboo, it's reality. These two should go their separate ways, before the relationship becomes destructive. There's a child to consider too, and such a relationship is far from healthy.

How can you talk like this?

Don't you know it's 'normal' for a married man to get it outside when his pregnant wife is not feeling it?

Have you forgotten our culture so soon?

I will drag you back from obodo and wash your head in river osun so that all these foreign concept you have like divorce (tufiakwa!) will comot from your head!

I yam desperately waiting for the advice these same people will give when a wife is cheating on her hubby because he's stressed or sick.

mu2sa2: Mentoning her salary- seems to me that she's looking down on her husband. Some educated woman feel marriage is only for having children in wedlock; so having had a child or two, the husband becomes a liability or nonentity(this woman is about to hav her child). Unless this atittude is discarded, you can't hav a happy marriage.

I would agree with you if she said her husband was lazy or stingy or something related to money.

Her pain is that her husband became a serial cheat because she was pregnant and didn't desire for sex... Even with the lack of desire, she tried to please him.

How does this relate to money?

Why is almost every poster beating around the bush?

AnanseK: I'm sorry Dear but you started it. If you deny your man sex , be sure he will find it elsewhere and now you hate him for that . It becomes a vicious circle but since you " have 2 university degrees and earn 3x your man's salary " why don't you break up? - you the Oga at the top.

Now this is hilarious!

Assuming the OP is saying all the story, a woman tells you that due to pregnancy i.e. carrying their child, she doesn't have the desire of sex but still manages to get by and instead of the husband to pamper her now she needs him, he turns around and begins to cheat.

It's well o!

The kind of men we produce these days... and they are supposed to lead!

I won't be surprised if the kids start stealing or doing runs because daddy did not buy Ipad for them.

I hope we all have this kind of advise when the wife cheats because the husband is stressed at his workplace and he can't be intimate with her