₦airaland Forum

JallowBah: If the husband think it is ok, good for them!

But for ME...I don`t know. It`s just not fair in my eyes. I would not feel proud spending all my money on my self, and expecting him to take full responsibility for finances. Again, that is ME.

That was not my opinion, just trying to reason along the lines of this thread. I also feel it's not right for the wifey to be working and contribute nada to the home purse just how it's not right for a hubby not to do house chores when he's at home. Most people who have these views use the Bible to justify them. Such women say 'a man that doesn't provide is worse than an infidel' but I wonder where it was written the woman should not contribute at all. The virtuous woman in Prov 31 is said to be a hard worker that provides food and clothing for her family. I wonder where she will keep all the money she makes. Misinterpretation of the Bible has caused more problems than we can solve.

JallowBah: I have known about many african men, even nigerians, who wash underwear..but, in EU, I have not been in Naija, so can`t say what goes on behind closed doors

The point in all, as I have said before, is that as long as the wife AND the hubby is happy in their marriage, they decide for them self. Michky, on the other hand, strongly believes that my husband is a "woman" because he do chores around our house, and that is bull.

And yes, I did went all the way down there. No electricity, no laundry-machine ( which, I pointed earlier, we neither have had all the time in my country during our marriage.. ), no kitchen..I was just happy we had a working toilet, even though we had to shower with a bucket most of the time ;DAnd still...I like it more down there than here.

And I do agree, I see many women who are working, getting payed, and does not pay ANYTHING at home, food, phone-bills etc, cause "thats the husbands duty". I find that...disturbing.

If a man can decide that he doesn't want to do any house chores in his own home, why can't a woman decide not to contribute any money in her own home?

Michky: hahaha...nice one. Hmm...someone is forming smartness here o. Going by your new route, i have one reply for you. So because we evolved from bareness to clothing, marriage should also evolve from man&woman to man&man or woman&woman right? You see girl, stop raising irrelevant examples. Plus looking at the VC issue, question is in your to-be marraige, you would be the VC and your husband will be the student abi? Interesting.

And you deduced all these from my post? Now that's interesting!

jidegirl12: Is washing underwear the big issue here now? Cos I can't go back all the way to page 1 to find out , @jallowbah , our men don't wash underwear, it translates a bad omen to our society, I sure will throway that laundry basket if I see my brothers doing that.
you see why I said your arguing with these guys is baseless, we have different culture which you don't seem to agree, I'm not saying you shouldn't be part of it but thinking it works here is a no no.
And@ Michky, lol at 'stop polluting your girls' .. your 'girls' with no proper or no home training, your girls that shouts equality yet wants men to feed them,clothe them and still give them pocket money even tho they make minimum wages, girls that wants to sit and deligate chores to their men... need I say more?
Abegi, stop blaming @jallow for your problems, a lady that went all her way to Africa to support her man with a toddler, your 'girls' will probably complain of Mosquitos and rather wait till he comes back even tho they were born with flying Mosquitos in their mouth in their village.
I pray everyday for God to cast away some of them here from my families dwellings cos what they say sometimes shock me!

I don't think how your brothers marriages work is your concern. We all have boundaries. I'm sure your husbands does some things his family would find offensive.

Michky: No long thing. If you had been attentively listening to US, the MEN, on this thread, you'll notice that what we have been re-stating is heavily simple. WE ARE SAYING, DONT ALLOCATE YOUR CHORES TO US. Simple! If we decide to help you by freewill, fine. Just dont expect that because did it today, then it has become our own share of homekeep daily (which is your sole responsibility btw). Now, you're probably going to say: if i share in the finance, then he should do same with chores. Right? WRONG! Why? BECAUSE IT IS MARRIAGE. That is how it has been and should remain. How do i mean? Now gimme all your attention rightnow. You see, all institutions come with status, roles and duties. Education institution, political inst., family inst., etc. If you notice, most of these institutions have distinct role players and duties expected of them. If most of these institutions have been tampered with, the way you're aiming to do for marriage presently, most of them would have lost effectiveness or would have become extinct. Eg,YOU CANT ENROL IN A SCHOOL FOR INSTANCE AND EXPECT THE VC TO DO YOUR ASSIGNMENTs FOR YOU. Can you? ANSWER ME!!!

That's marriage to you, fine. We were once running about in pants and barefeet. That is how it has been and it must remain that way. I guess the VC can't do your assignments but you can help the VC conduct the convocation ceremony.

Michky: As for me, it is very clear without a doubt that nothing else is useful on you aside the places i mentioned earlier.

Did he not insult her husband by calling him a 'woman'? Michky. I don't know it all, but it would be foolish of me to start learning how to be bitter like you. I intend to improve daily and not otherwise.

OgidiBoy: Now who wears the pants in that house.

So PHD determines the pant wearer?

sleekman: the interesing part with an insult or a curse is that no matter d language its written in, you'll definitely understand. Let me explain all these in a language you'll understand. Javla, Fifan kvinna! Forsta du nu? Very soon that woman you call a husband will soon let u know he's a man. Pls when that happens, kindly update us with whats going on.

Is this really called for? Just because the man loves his wife enough to help around the house, he's a woman? Is JallowBah saying she wants you to do this for your wife? What is your problem and business with the way her home runs? You can't belittle yourself to help your wife, fine. Don't come here and insult the men who do, it doesn't portray you in a good light. Thanks.

Michky: Why are you so stubborn? What if a husband says he doesnt want to do any chores, are you going to apply for divorce? And NO, am not saying a wife cannot feed the family. What am saying is its no problem if a husband cannot single-handedly cater for his family, and the wife has to support. ITS JUST NOT RIGHT FOR A WIFE TO BEGIN TO SHARE HER DUTIES WITH THE HUSBAND. And regarding your country's law concerning child care, let me remind you that there also exists a law in some states in the United states that legalizes same sex marraige. Does it now mean that because its law then its right? Summarily, a law that encourages a husband to stay at home for 3months is a bad one. Your law is faulty. Simple.

At the bolded, a woman can share financial responsibilities with her husband BUT the husband can't share domestic reponsibilities with the wife?

Michky: In your mind, you'll be applauding yourself regarding how you've nailed me right? This is how pastors have held us centuries aback resulting from the number of times they have arm twisted the Bible. Imagine using that servant master scenario to explain marital issues. Oh, Bukatyne, sorry to disappoint. I only translate the Bible literarily. That is why such phrases as "wives obey thy husbands" make more sense to me than your chosen manipulative verses.

And the other verses I quoted are not literal? I must give you this: You are very funny. I guess all the verses I quoted to you are from Bukatyne's version.

Must these women dress Naked? Now I see why men see women as objects. Even the women who dressed 'decently' still had nipp/les and all sorts exposed.

Michky: And you'll live happily ever after shey? Mumu. You've not factored-in problems that will inevitably occur during marriage most of which will be caused by you. Looks like you've been watching too much hollywood. You're on your own on this one. Keep dreaming foo/l!

Michky, This is how my marriage will be, I am not talking about yours and don't care how yours will be. Get it? Thanks.

Michky: I DON'T CARE HOW YOU WANT TO RUN YOUR FAMILY BUT My husband will help me in chores, cook for me, serve me breakfast in bed with good lovemaking and shower me with unspeakable love. He will pamper me and make me blossom and shine with his love. I will become more beautiful daily and radiate like the sun. I will also do everything in my power to make him happy. I will build him up with my words, love and encourage him. I will be his greatest fan and give him my full support by God's grace. I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS TONIGHT. THINK ABOUT IT.

Michky: Oya, lets handle your problems one after the other, shall we?

*You say i don't know what Proverb 31 contains. huh? I just read it again and i don't see any part of it where it says "Women, ye will allocate chores to your husbands" or "Husbands, ye shall obey thy wives". Infact, taking from King james version, Proverbs 31 verse 13 says: "She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands". Verser 23 says: "He husband is known in the gates, when he siteth among the elders of the land".

Now, the first quote signifies woman to be willingly hardworking while the other quote tells what man's job should be in the home which is securing the wife and children. How will i ensure your protection when am busy washing your undies. Silly.

*Next. In your own words, you say "Do you know the kind of love Jesus showed the church? Do you know God said husbands should care for their wives as Christ cared for the church?" Well, i can't remember any where Jesus continuously did domestic matters, especially since he began his missionary work. So, i don't get your point here.

*Jesus cooked for his disciples but that was men cooking for men. Its like men doing forest camping. When there's no woman around, who else will do the cooking but man. BTW, Jesus did that cookiing because it was a significant meal foo/l!

*Finally, God's love for Isreal was like the love between a Leader and followers. You feminist ediots don't wanna follow. You want to be equals and you use the bible to excuse your fooli/shness. Insane.

In summary, you're confused and need urgent re-orientation.

I don't know how to communicate with someone like you. I wonder the breed of people who call others ediots, fo/ols etc because they don't agree with them. I have told you, ask God to tell you what it means to be a man. And please, if you don't understand the Bible, ask someone to explain to you and stop disgracing yourself publicly. Jesus said In his kingdom, the leader will be the servant. He also said He didn't come to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many. Let me see how you spin this one.

JallowBah: Meh, I don`t need a translation to know you are talking bull. At least I don`t call you dumb, even though I don`t agree with you.
Just shows how little respect you have been teached.

That guy lacks social communication skills. Calling arguments in a faceless forum war? It's obvious the guy is very bitter.

UP NIGERIA! THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. THE EAGLE OF NIGERIA WILL FLY AGAIN!

I really commend the wife. For the guys saying 'see true love', remember true sacrifical love is a two way street and that woman wouldn't have done it if the man didn't deserve it. Love your wives/fiances/girlfriends and they would do anything for you in return.

Truth is Beyonce is NOT a feminist. The Beyonces of this world consistently prove what feminism is against: A woman and a man are equal in capabilities et al. Does R. Kelly need to strip to his boxers always before he sings a meaningful song? Beyonce and her fellows objectified women. When you hear Bey, what comes to mind? 'Ow, she 's sexy' etc. Her talent doesn't come into your mind because she has projected her body like it's the unclothedness that inspires her on stage. I don't know why the feminists even thought Beyonce was a good representative for them. She is actually giving feminism a bad name. Women like Asa, Oprah, Lara George etc are the true feminists. You think of Asa as a talented artiste and not a woman with a banging body. Oprah didn't conform to the showbiz standard of slim and naked and she made history. She proved that a woman can succeed on her talent alone without mixing sex with it.

Michky: Mumu, are you new here?

So the mark of an old NL member is to insult people because they don't hold your views? It's well. I hope you know you are a man therefore called by God to lead your family by example. I am very sure you would feel ashamed if your wife or child sees these posts in future.

Michky: Get this into your thick rotten skull. There's a format for every family to follow. Its like the law. There are things written in there that is not allowed. E.g By the law, you're not allowed to have a child and cook that child in a meal all because its your family fo/ol. So don't tell me that families-are-different-crap again joor!. Its because you can edit this man/woman palava that you're doing so. I don't blame you. I blame man that has decided to allow you to climb up from the gutters where you should have been left to rot. Its a pity, you guys will win this feminist wor but what will come afterwards will not be something close to what you will be able to handle. I guarantee you that for sure.

I rest my case here for now.

Ypu are really funny. So can you distribute the law for families by Michky so we can follow? You sound like a very bitter person. Come to Jesus, He loves you and will rid your soul of all bitterness and poison.

Michky: You're telling me to go back to God eh? The word of God that's there for us to see is clearly ignored by you and you're here telling me to go back to that word of God. What happened to that virtuous woman in proverbs 31. Go and read it again and lets leave this matter joor. Lazy bum.

You are obviously not following the word of God. I analyzed this in page 8 or thereabout. I don't care your personal views on how you want to run your home BUT don't drag God into your opinion. You should read Prov 31 yourself because you obviously don't know what it contains. Have you read 1cor13:1 - 13? Do you know the kind of love Jesus showed the church? Do you know God said husbands should care for their wives as Christ cared for the church? Do you know that God called Ezekiel's wife his dearest treasure? Do you know that God compared His love for Isreal with the love a husband loves his wife? Please go and read your Bible and stop disgracing yourself. Abraham was married when he served his visitors food. Jesus Christ our Lord cooked for his disciples and washed their feet. He stooped low and died on the cross for our sins. You don't even know what love means and you are mentioning the Bible.

carmelion: Thanks dear Bukatyne for your compliment and your post too.I learnt something from it.And NO,in things concerning relationships ,nothing is a MUST except to be FAITHFUL.

You made mention of couples that started poorly,now,there story is amazing.If you only you will agree with me, notwo stories are exactly the same.There must be a 'but','eventually','although'e.t.c.

The story of a youngman who has close to nothing and decides to marry a girl who is a student is differnt from a youngman who has close to nothing and decides to marry a working class lady for a wife.

Both stories are all about starting poorly right?BUT do yo know the type pressure this lady(working class)would face at home,some ladies end up loosing contacts from their family all because they went after their love.Such decisions are not for the faint hearted.

I can't finish this without pointing out (again) that everyone is scared of the unforseen.God forbid but what if something happens to this guy tomorrow,who will the lady run to?.I know of a couple who got married ,started off happily without any problem,every body welcomed the bride and all seem to be well untill the guy died 1 year and five months into their marriage story changed.

Every thing her husband had was collected from her because she had a daughter not a son.So,to them,she should find a life somewhere else.Mind you her husband is a doctor o,so its not like they were managing.Also remember that none of her inlaws showed any sign of hatred when she was coming in.(I know all this cos the late guy was a friend).

I know that as a christain,God will always make a way where there seem to be no way,but as humans such decisons take time to make.Besides such ladies might have other things(apart from finance) bothering them,but unless they tell you,you might not know.I have a personal story to share with you later.

The working class who decides to marry a guy who doesn't have much must have taken evrything into consideration and is fine with it. I'm still waiting for your story

Michky: So, you know what it means to be a man eh? See this one o. You better wake up. That definition of man that you have in your head is sick. Wake up to the real world girl. You've got alot of things twisted.

The fact I don't see things the way you doesn't mean I got things twisted. Get this into your brain: NO TWO FAMILIES ARE THE SAME; WHAT WORKS FOR A MIGHT NOT WORK FOR B. While you are at it, go and learn how to address people in a public forum. Thanks

Michky: You need to do the growing up girl. Obviously, you've realised that am a principled man. Infact, i believe that IF THINGS MUST GET DONE, THEY MUST BE DONE RIGHT. Women that do all the work at home are the right examples of Wife. Not lazy feminists like some of today's girls. Ofcourse i agree that people are different. You even accuse me of wanting everyone to do what i like but you quickly forget that the same thing is what you're doing presently. You're trying to change men's mentality and am here standing up for us and you're crying foul. Smh. Marraige is about agreement but it wont be in this generation that women will start allocating chores to us! Not in this life!!

Mr., you don't know what it means to be a principled man. Expect you are holding up the principles of street men. Go back to God to reveal what it means to be a man after the likeness of God.

brilapluz: bukatyne,i dont believe am ready 2 argue wit u on sensitive matters like dis topic..i choose 2 believe dat wat eva we do in our marriage or future marriage is all about d CHOICES we make not comparin it wit odas cos no marriage is perfect..if i want 2 help my wife in anytin at all,it sud be 4 LOVE AND CHOICE SAKE not d oda way round..i wish u well in ur married life..hapy sunday!

I wish you the very best too. Have a fulfilled day.

Michky: Sharrap! You lazy goat. You're determined to be a lazy wife and you dont want to become stereotyped in future. So, you're here trying to start a bandwaggon, that you may not be singled out in future. FYI, it wont work. Ediot, stop embarassing yourself here joor. Have you ever seen or heard of a king doing dishes or chores? I use the King example because they are an almost perfect example of what a home should be. Many have said on this thread that IF YOU CANT DO IT, GET A HOUSE HELP and stop expecting the man to do your duty as wife. Ediot, is this hard to understand?!

This your post reeks of a man that doesn't know what it means to be a man and lacks principles. Go to God in prayers to reveal what He had in man when He created you to be a man.

[quote author=I.Joan]The first girl on d frontpage of a magazine(at least d ones on nairaland frontpage) that didn't display any part of body
She is a good girl[/quote]dear check d thread Annie maculay goes from good to naughty...

okpara ugo: I have seen alot of beautiful girls that get beaten over a relationship issue and they still go back and crave for marriage. It's called love.

I don't know what it's called, but it's not love. If they don't love themselves, how would they love others?

sauer: of course there are different schools of thought. Mainly divided along racial and gender lines: feminism is a gender-sensitive topic, apparently. The evolution of feminism over the years from the main occupation of royalty, to that of upper class white visionaries and then African-Americans has seen global views changed quite much. How much we owe the women suffrage movement!

what does feminism or the movement really mean?

brilapluz: hmmmm...interesting..i sud have known...

known what? Please share

sauer: demonstrating again you lack of knowledge of history. Like someone said earlier, I'm also male and a feminist. When you know nothing about feminism, you can rant all you will about why feminism hasn't contributed significantly to mankind's development.

Yes, I am soooooo lucky! Feminist Sauer, can you educate moi on waht feminism means? are there different schools of thought in feminism?