₦airaland Forum

Michky: @Jallowbah. Many women pray for a balance of wealth and husband availability. Sadly, many have to choose these days. We all know how valuable love can be to individual lives. True. But choosing love over money is an absolute mistake. ERROR! I say this because i know much more than a lot about this world we live in. Please don't ever again wish for love in place of wealth.

Back to the topic. We all remember the stories in the bible that had slaves in it. Don't we? In the homes of wealthy families, slaves did the chores. Not the Kings! Not the Noble Men! Yes, things are changing these days but take it or leave it, slavery is not gone. Its only been modernized. Now, will it be wrong to utilize the service of a slave to do these dirty things instead of we the busy hard working men?

Think! Think!!

By this your logic, women are also not supposed to do chores because the 'slaves' did it.Remember that Abraham with millions of slaves still served his visitors food; the first Deacons(People who served food and other items in the church) in the Bible were all men. Jesus Christ washed the feet of His disciples and cooked for them after his resurrection. Don't misquote the Bible to suit your stand.

sleekman: A time is coming when women will seek husbands but wont see due to this feminism craze. Real men don't bend for shit. I believe its called sambo in Swedish whereby a man and woman play husband and wife but not recognized by the law. Although they become recognized after 10yrs of being together. Women dont forget lionesses takes care of their cubs alone and the Lions do nothing. You're driving men to that point. When that point comes you'll crave a loving man but you'll see non. Only hit and run men. I believe the new term is called 'baby mamas'. Winch wan chop broomstick think say na chewing stick. Mtchewwwwwwww.

What Feminism craze?

sleekman: Because one mumu kiwi polish is shining your ur white kitten wanting to kollect kpali now makes you a master and think tank on 9ja affairs? Hmmm *singing Femi Kuti*I sorry sorry O...

And what called for the insults you just posted? Is this the quality of a real man?

Boss13: You started it. Now I don't believe you. If we come to your house, maybe the reverse of what you telling us might be playing out in your house. You are yet to apologize to the men on this thread for the derogatory statements you made.

Boss, you are definately mistaking me for someone else.

For Clarity, What is the definition of a feminist?

I believe everybody is entitled to whatever they feel would work for them. What I don't understand is people implying a marriage will not work if the husband helps in chores or whatever. Have the proponents of the idea considered if the husband loves his wife and wants to help? How then would the marriage fail? Must everyone's marriage be the same way? Some women see it as a taboo to contribute financially in their homes. Some would drop the money gladly before the man asks. Does it mean that all marriages operating on either platform would fail? Every couple should determine what works for them and make sure they are true to each other before marriage. If you know it belittles you to do house chores, Don't start it during courtship. Don't even enter the kitchen or lift a finger when she's working. If you as a woman will not drop a dime at home, please don't even contribute N1 to anything he does. Why? You are unconsciously giving your partner hope that you will do these things in the marriage and problem starts when after marriage either partner decides to show his or her 'true' colors. A man/woman would be foolish to expect after marriage what the other partner never did before marriage. There is a man/woman for every body. All the best.

ifihearam: I know you are yoruba and u must be very lazy no offence. The earlier you change this mentality the better,I don't feel like insulting you because am an apostle of peace.

:Like I say, each man to his own. you don't know me so I wouldn't take offence to anything you say. If this 'mentality' is working for me, why should I change it?

ifihearam: I find everything offensive,marriage is not a competition of independence in anyway. So one woman bron of a woman will expect it as a point of duty for ME(ifihearam)to clean and cook for her(thunder fire her life)why??I dey mad ni? Fine I can do things on my own afterall am nt a dirty sweet man.

I was in capetown sometimes ago and the apartment I shared with a congolese,so we shared kitchen and bathroom,I was cooking one fateful day after washing my dishes when this babe who was also cooking just dropped a bowl where I was washing ad said"please wash it for me" omo if you see my reaction that day,she apologised her heart out,I was very furious,I told her never to repeat this rubbish. She was like,she sends her boyfriend on errands and does house chores for her. I warned her never to try it with me as a matter of fact by all standard she ought to wash my dishes as my tradition demands and she apologised once more and offered to wash my dishes and from there she fell in love with me for being able to handle her.

I can cook for my family once in a very long while(if body sweet me)but for my babe or wife to make it a responsibility then she is tired of the marriage or relationship.

Every man to his own. I don't think any human being is bigger than been told to help expect you know that the girl can't do the same for you. As for the girl, she is a disgrace to womanhood. She fell in love with you because you can handle her and her boyfriend is somewhere thinking of everything to make her happy!

lindiwey: I am against those men dt tink dt helpn their wives wit house chores is like lowering demselves..such men are proud,arrogant,they are like dictators in their house,they care abt wat oda pple tink of dem.but wats d big deal helpn out?am nt sayn its by force but helpn out shudnt lower ur self esteem as a man if u truly love ur famly.and for those ladies dt said dey dnt evn want their husbands to help out,hmmn...I hail o..German machine!time will tell

Sometimes, I wonder what some people understand marriage to be. It's well. Anyways, everyman to his own.

victorian: You've said it , as it is... Thumbs up.... But I wonder the mindset some women av these days...it baffles me, sha.. For marriage to be peaceful and loving, it can never be 50-50. ... A man cannot be a woman because he is married.. Nah, not logical.. Thank God, am not lazy.

that this is your view doesn't mean this is the only recipe for a peaceful and loving marriage. What do you mean marriage cannot be 50 - 50? Like I the other poster I quoted, please stop implying it's a shame to be a woman. If you don't like a man that cleans or cooks, it's onk BUT please don't deride the men that see nothing wrong in helping their wives with domsetic chores. What is not logical to you is logical to someone else. Thanks.

ifihearam: If I comment nw u girls will say I am a chauvinist!!!the way this write up dey turn my belle ehn! Hw does dis kind of girl or the poster intend to get married in naija,even if they do they must be bad wives.

Can you just explain to me what you find offensive in the post you quoted?

Michky: So on point! That girl is just a monke/y. I pity her in-laws and her husband to-be. The duty of men has been provider and women chores. Just imagine, that ediot of a monkey wanting me to prove my manliness by washing her bra once in a while. Stupi/d! OP's excuse for[b] men sharing chores is shared financial responsibilities abi[/b]? Senseless. Let me put it straight. A man's job in the home is providing and providing only. Take it or leave it.

shared financial responsibilities is not enough justification for shared chores?

devour129: God forbids ! am a lady but i hate to see a man lowered to a position of a maid accept he is a maid.mi first boyfriend i left to marry mi hubby(yes av only dated two guys and married one )is because of this.the guy wants to cook,clean and even wash mi pant and it really irritated me .i wasn't brought up that way so it was so strange i thought the guy was possessed.MY MAN SHOULD MAN UP,HE DOESN'T HAVE TO CLEAN AND COOK TO SHOW LOVE EXCEPT WHEN HE WANTS TO.I WORK AND TAKE CARE OF MI HOME AND I TAKE IT AS MI RIGHT.EVERYTHING FROM CLEANING,TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS AND COOKING IS MINE TO DO AND THE SECRET LADIES IS THAT WAY,HE WANTS TO HELP OFTEN COS HE WANTS TO BE PART OF THE HOME MAKING ! IF YOU CANT DO IT ALL GET A HOUSE- HELP,COOK,DRIVER ETC IF YOU CAN AFFORD BUT PLEASE DON'T FORCE THE GUY TO DO IT.ME PERSONALLY I HATE WEAK MEN(bring on the bashing,i wont be coming back to this page to read it )

Sweetheart, I wouldn't bash you but the bolded is wrong. Everyone have their preference but a wife who does those things is not a slave or a maid.

Boss13: The only bond I know is hydrocarbon bond in chemistry. If you mean husband and wife bond in marriage - hell no. It is called understanding. Knowing your partner. Tolerating your partner and forgiving your partner's mistake. Me, I no know wet in be bonding - sorry oh. Good to know you are engaged, be good to your future husband, many men are scared to marry. Our women are turning into monsters

You call it understanding, I call it bonding. Maybe women are becoming monsters because the men got there first. As for been good to my guy, don't worry we are been BEST to each other I also think the attitude our society has towards marriage is wrong. it's not a do or die affaair. it's beautiful but for the right reasons. Maybe the guys are scared to marry because they have not found the woman they love and what to spend the rest of their lives with. They don't need to hurry, they keep looking, behave their best, develop desirable qualities like kindness, genuiue love, trust, patience, hunility, gentleness etc and the right woman will come along. All the best.

Boss13: Abeg stop the hypothesis, we live in the real world. Many men in marriages tolerate their wives because they don't want to create an issue. An angry woman is a dangerous woman. A man who wants a happy home knows that and will want to maintain peace in the home and not about bonding. Come and hear what married men say to their friends even your own husband, if you are part of the women pretending to be married.

Boss, I talking of the real world. And no, I am not married, I am engaged. Do you know what bonding means?

Boss13: Linda, many married men on nairaland help their wives out domestically but they just don't come to nairaland and brag about it. I am not married, but if my wife ask me or even insist I do it I will never. However, if she jokingly tells me. I will definitely support her. There is a huge difference. The difference is - how to talk to your man. I assist some of my girlfriends wash my clothes when they are washing it. I don't assist with cooking, cos I don't know how to cook but I might be in the kitchen cracking some jokes to relieve stress or holding the paste tomatoes.

Boss, Some couples have bonded so well that the man/woman doesn't need to tell the other what to do. They see their partner working/spending and automatically know when to come in.

Originalsly: Like you said that's the way you want it. So who is the head of the house? ...who has the last word?... who wears the pants?...hmmm...the trousers? Every family has a head...one head...is that you? @ topic...I do believe the man should be the provider and the woman take care of the home. Depending on where you live and circumstances it may be necessary for the woman to work. What happens if they both work and the man loses his job? Does he not do anything at home... because it should be done by a woman? I don't agree with that.I see nothing wrong in a man helping out in the home...even if they both work.

And what in her post indicated that there is confusion on who the head is in their home? Does a man helping out his wife or them sharing the duties and finances in their home reduce the headship of a man?

Let me now ask:
Is it anything extraordinary for a man to join in cleaning the house he stays with the woman he claims to love?
is it anything extraordinary for a woman to join in the upkeep of the Family she built with the man she claims to love?

claremont: Threads selected for the frontpage should be from posters with a good command of written English and devoid of insults. This thread clearly lacks these ingredients. The OP is not a good reflection of Nigerian women.

and Kingwax must be a good reflection if the Nigerian Man.

busolayemi: sometime last week, I got into a discussion with a male friend of mine and the subject of discussion was that gone are the days when women sit at home to cater for children....These days, its a collective effort...now, that got me thinking if the financial responsibility at the home front is now shared...what happens to the domestic responsibilities....cos I know men who still insist their wife do their laundry and sum chores all in the name of being the man of the house...

OP, there are different types of homes and how they are run. In some homes, the wife contributes nothing and the husband does not do house work. In Some, the wife contributes and the man does nada. In some, They work hand - in - hand to make their home work. Every couple decide either consciously or unconsciously how they want their home to be and live if that. If your hubby helps you in domestic work, appreciate it because there are many who don't. If you help him in finances, let him be grateful because some wives will not help even if the man is dying.

BeraBera: Happy Birthday Omotola. I was thinking she would be older than 35. What a surprise!

One of the numerous things that interest me about this lady is the fact that in spite of stardom and fame, she has remained a very good wife and mother, standing by her husband at all times, and doing everything possible to make her marriage work.

The bolded is true but more kudos should go to her hubby. I believe he made twice the efforts she made to make their marriage work. Happy Birthday to her

coogar: i don't disagree with the kind of world we live in - i am saying while the father in law is screening my history and what i do, the bride should also submit herself to the scrutiny my mum would subject her to. all checks must done on both sides of the coin!

No problem but wifey's checks would be if she can cook, wash, keep a home et al and not fertility tests.

ta4: thank you all for your advise..my husband got another job in a bank November 2012. I thank God almighty for the strength to hold on during those months.

Congrats! All the best in your endeavours.

Exponental: This reminds me of a joke on fb.

"A newly employed PHCN staff on probation resumed work and shortly after, pOwEr was seized, and he reacted by shouting.... "Awon oloriburuku yi ti bere" (these unfortunate people have started) .........LWTMB!!!!

Lol! He has just made the PHCN's decision for them!

BetaThings: Watch the video. Maybe wrong caption, but that is what is on the video

From Budhism to Christianity to Islam

ok, I get you but it's wrong. If he decides to be a sango worshipper tomorrow, will the capion be 'buddhist Christian Muslim' turns to sango?

All the best.

coogar: nope, he's testing what concerns him the most in the son in law - the mother in law should also test what would concern her the most in the bride to be(fertility)! what is good for the goose should fit the gander perfectly!

If the FIL wanted to check his financial status, I don't think the office would be the best place to do that. The FIL might have been too direct, but he's doing what everybody in his shoes would. Today in the office, an health organization wanted to register our company under their scheme and a member of staff asked for the health organization's audited accounts. We can't be too careful in our world today.

[quote author=BABE!]Your father will find out more than what you already know about your spouse?

Can the father know 99% of what his daughter knows about her spouse?

You already know this man you're presenting to your parents . . .you've known him for all these years and suddenly what the father sees after going to the office will "disqualify" the man?

If you're not an 1d1ot, you'll already know what the father is about to find out. It's 2013! Abi you want to tell me you've never been to your spouse's office to see what he does?

If your father is the one that has to go his office to "confirm" for you, then he raised an 1d1ot.

PS: my you's are not necessarily directed at you [/quote]Then our grand parents were all idiots since they went to the intending groom's village to research his background and family if they have any curse, disease etc. The father is not finding out to inform the daughter; He is acting as a guide.

coogar: by the same token, the mother is not checking out of greed but out of genuine concern for her son's welfare before the son enters one chance marriage. by all means, let the checks begin.......

Is the guy's FIL to be testing him for infertility?

LastApostle: What is the man investigating and why all this investigating bullcrap! If all men were this inquisitive and investigating,then I don't see the truck pusher, mason man, okada rider, cab driver,petty trader,even aboki that shines shoes ever getting married. People should relax this 'financial security' issues and be more concerned about the happiness of their wards.
Proper check should only be done in the health status of the intending couple,family history and religious compatibility.
If a man is not buoyant enough the woman can as well shoulder responsibility if she is capable or well groomed to do that. There is no law in marriage that state a man must work in shell or be a professor before a wife is allocated to him after all no man in his sane nature will venture into marriage without doing something economically except his woman encourages him on.

A gateman is likely to investigate too before handing over his educated daughter to a prospective hubby because he wouldn't want his daughter to marry a gateman like him while he lives peaceful and in harmony with his wife. Then we are likely to have a population of gatemen with no wives. Mtcheeeeeeeeew!!!

Nobody is saying the gatemen and others will not get married. The father wants to ascertain that the man is who he says he is. if a gateman comes to marry a girl and he can BOLDLY declear he's a gateman, then there is no problem. There is a difference between an honest hardworking gateman and a gateman who claims to be the Head of Security or Head of Logistics etc.

BetaThings: Never say never

Why a Former Buddhist Christian accepted Islam

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvCU-4TE-ec

How can somebody be a buddhist and a christian at the same time?