₦airaland Forum

Still on audio level for us at Federal Universities. Anyway we hope the NMW will commence in January.

This is so sad. May his gentle soul rest in peace.

Pretty. I think I read somewhere that she sued Michael Jackson for royalties

Sorry for your predicament. But be advised that three weeks is too short for getting a positive response from some ladies. Maybe you can consider this as it will help you later in your bid to get girls.

Your first date with a girl should determine if you will ever take her out for second, third or subsequent dates. But many guys waste the opportunity of the first date on the platter of infatuation and undue fantasy.

Your first date with a girl should be used to establish whether she would say No or YES to your relationship advance. On the first date, you should get her talking about herself so much that you are able to dig through her mind and know what her priorities are. Ask her deductive questions that reveal hidden information and facts. It is after this process you will be able to make your decision on whether you should or not ask her for serious relationship.

Many guys are too carried away by beauty and allures that they fail to utilize the first date to investigate the girl. Most also think it is the amount of dates they are able to secure with a girt that increases their chances of getting a YES.

LoveElfrida:
I once told her that I could kidnap her and take her to my utopia, she laughed, thought that I was kidding, but now I wished I had.

She's a lovable girl, black, bold, and beautiful, with the gaze of eternals, she's a goddess. A goddess of beauty. On our 4th date after three(3) weeks of knowing her, I made my intention known to her, she asked for a time to process everything. Alas! She came back with the big N-O, citing her career pursuit as the reason.

This is the first woman I've ever truly loved, but I was rejected. She isn't like the most ladies out there I've seen, and she isn't even driven by money or materials thing.

I've deleted all her memories- her pictures, our chats, her contact, and even our pictures, we truly bonded well. But I can't erase her memory in my head, she's already got me in her grip, I'm psychologically unbalanced ATM.

Your position is well understood. But the bottom line is that every woman, either broke or financially successful, deserves to be loved cared for by a man.

A real man does not say if she is broke, I won't marry her, because a real man does not expect augmentation from his wife's resources to carry out his responsibility in the home.

Although, in the new trends in modern marriage, both man and woman are seen as equal parties, they are far from being equal in sharing duties and responsibilities. This because, in our clime, you will hear women saying 'my money is my money and his money is for the family' Meaning, many financial women have tendency of spending their money on themselves and when they spend to support the family, they are fond of blowing the trumpet for the whole world to know. And when they have altercations with their husbands, they go to the extent of blackmailing. That is when you will hear them say ' I bought this, I bought that for you and the children'

I am still of the view that men should as much as possible, marry down. This will go a long way to contain power struggles and competition which have destroyed many a marriage.

emmaodet:
Marry up, marry up.... Marry up..
The question now is that if the number of men up are not that much to go round for all the ladies down, then what happen?
See bro, life is constantly changing and there are some rules or popular opinions that are now obsolete. They are no more sustainable.
The era of marry up stopped when women are been sent to school and also been empowered with jobs, loans, finance and business.
If you want us to go back to the traditional settings then all women will have to be sacked also from all jobs to give the traditional providers the avenue to carry out there duties.
We all can eat our cakes and have it.
For every woman you see in a work place or job or office e.g public and civil servants, banks, mobil, chevron etc there is an equal amount of men(real providers) displaced from such posts.
So what do you want the displaced men to do? Become magicians and create jobs from thin air?
The marriage settings as been distorted immediately women were empowered.
At that moment, there exist no more provider or receiver.
Everybody became Equal both in finance and duties at home.
Of course, we will still be having the traditional set up but it will be reducing more and more as time goes on because it's not sustainable anymore.

Ubunja
Martinez39
Pansophist
Franchasng

Explain clearly why you think so

Sundayjoko:
You sir are one of the problems we are discussing

Bruh, though I don't support women who are lazy leeches, but t let's face the truth, marriage is covertly supposed to be an escape route from poverty for a woman, if she is from a poor home. Women by their nature are 'receivers' while men, by nature are givers. That is why you see a man buy a car for his wife and he is applauded for it. But let a woman buy a car for her husband, will the husband be applauded for that?

This why it is good for a lady to marry up but it could be a disaster if a guy marry up

seanblaise:
If she is poor but she is doing something about it thats fine. My problem lies with women who see dating or marriage as the escape route to financial freedom.

I got your point bruh. I used to think in your direction of thought too. But my perspective currently is that I don't need my woman to be necessarily be the financial woman type. So far she has the physical and character specs I want in a woman, even if she is so poor as church rat, ẹ no concern me. I believe if I am financially strong and I love her, that is enough. My financial freedom is also her financial freedom.

seanblaise:
The ladies you dumped are a reflection of the greater percentage of women out there. You dont really get the point am trying to pass across. All am saying is that as you go about writing the qualities you want in a woman such as, obedience, respect, humility, hard working don't forget to include FINANCIAL FREEDOM because the list is incomplete with it. ���

In my opinion and from experience, broke girls are better to date than the girls with financial independence. Some broke girls are hundred percent loyal sexually and in other ramifications. This is unlike several financially independent ladies who have tendency of undue control over you thereby instituting power struggle in the relationship

I have dumped a number of working class ladies as a result of the above reason.

seanblaise:
Over the years, there has been this notion that broke guys should not be in relationship and I think this has to start applying to women.
There is no romance without finance. This has been a cliche that has been used by the female folk for quite a while and in all sincerity, it is the truth. Every relationship, be it marriage or courtship or boy/girl romance needs money to drive those exciting moments that makes the relationship memorable.
Being broke is relative. It means different things to different people. There is no universal benchmark to ascertain a certain level of financial freedom that can be classified as being financially stable. For instance, lady A can decide to marry a guy who earns 100k, and to her, that guy is financially stable while lady B can decide to have nothing to do with a guy who earns less than 500k per month.
That said, I think it is only right for guys to also demand financial stability from thier partner before dating or marriage. Everyone has priorities and relationship needs and I think it is not wise to date anyone (male or female) who has money issues. Just as girls curve "broke guys" guys must also curve broke girls. That is not to say all broke guys should be curved. There are some guys who are ambitious and hardworking but they are yet to achieve that financial freedom. To this group of guys, ladies should learn how to stick with them because thier breakthrough is juat by the corner.
So guys, dont date or marry any lady who sees you as key to financial freedom or stability. In a relationship, both parties are meant to benefit equally.
During sex, both parties enjoy it equally (although there is a school of thought that thinks women enjoy sex more than men), both parties should do house chores together, both parties should take care of the kids together and the woman should compliment her man financially.
Gracias.

Where is his dick? Or dem don liposuction am too?

How old is she? Is she above 30 before she started having sex? Is she a religious person? These are possible causes for her predicament

mhizdebbygold:
I need your candid advice on this pls.


My friend and her boyfriend are currently going through some rough patch in their relationship. She doesn't like sex, she hardly have the urge and even when she's having sex she feels so much pain. She hardly feels anything during sex, hardly gets wet and her boyfriend has a high libido and can run marathon for hours if given the opportunity.

Is there anything you could suggest for them

No trolling intended

ubunja:
someone is becoming a pained troll...

Good one bruh. Yours is another constructive review of the ubunja 's CHOSEN sermon which most NL guys purportedly hold in high esteem.

I have said it before that the CHOSEN theory is born out of FEAR OF REJECTION by women. It is an opium to fight Obsession with women. This is because it is put out there to debar guys from eternal girls chasing. The objective is cool enough, though.

But let ubunja and his disciples know that the CHOSEN theory is not totally relevant at the APPROACH STAGE which is the first point of entry to a girl's life. At the APPROACH stage, waiting for green light before talking to a girl is a too shallow approach which limits your chances and choices. Many a girl does not know if they like a guy or not until the guy makes his first impression and starts talking to them. It is until then they start to realize the guy posseses the specs they want.

I will keep emphasising it that real and confident guys (I mean ATTRACTIVE GUYS), do not find the CHOSEN theory relevant and its offshoot,the NO GREEN LIGHT NO APPROACH theory does not hold water.

As an attractive guy, you are already a CHOSEN potential for girls, so you are not bothered by the fear of being rejected or not chosen. You know that your weapons of attraction never fails. Even if it fails you have a back up with ABUNDANCE MENTALITY, meaning you don't care if a girl choses you or not because there are thousands of other beautiful girls out there who will worship the ground under your feet.

contumely2:
In his miseducations such as Chosen, Choosing a girl and No Green light No approach, UBUNJA maintains that you should allow a girl choose you first.
He opines that you should only approach a girl whose green lights you have seen.

He posits that being chosen reduces stress, risk of rejection etc for the guy.
According to him, a chosen guy already satisfies all requirements and need not do anything further to impress the girl.

SOME of the above postulations are true but admit of many limitations.
1. You may never have the opportunity to see a woman's green light. An example are girls you are meeting for the first time on the streets, buses, malls etc.

You may need to approach these girls first. Some of them may later grow to be smitten by you and subsequently chase you. At this stage, you are now the prize. Or loosely, you are now chosen.

2. Some green lights are so unclear that you can only see them after an approach has been made. This is prevalent because of our conservative culture here where men are required to make the move or shoot shots first.

3. Waiting to be chosen or for green lights limits your chances of experiencing abundance with girls. Only when you approach many will you have abundance and also increase your chances of being chosen by one of the many girls.

Show us How did your conversation start with her? Or did you just bumped into her with the compliment? If the latter is the case, then she is probably mocking your desperate approach. You don't appear out of nowhere and dish a compliment on a girl. otherwise you risk being brushed aside

Of course everyone gat to do things their own ways. You don't propound theories and expect them to absolutely address all situations. Remember, theories are similar to rules, and for every rule, there is an exemption.

ubunja:
do you. If you think otherwise do what you think will work for you. You are not forced to do things this way.

You are angry? Please take a little water. It will calm your nerves

wany:
Did she tie your hands and legs,not to step up your game as a man.
Imagine stopping a woman from working,hmmmm this one pass gadafi and libia.oga search your village for your soul mate it will work,but not the city.

Good point bruh. This is similar to a view I expressed while challenging the Ubunja's 'WAIT AND BE CHOSEN' theory. Real and confident guys chose their women and make them stick with them for as long as they desire.

iLegendd:
I glanced through the first two paragraphs.

Let me just tell you the truth no one may tell you.

1. If you're a nice guy, be chosen by a woman
2. If you're a bad boy or a good-bad guy, don't be chosen by a woman, but choose your woman

I could go in details to explain this with examples, but it will end up being too long like a book.

If you're a good-bad guy, don't be chosen, choose, else you'll hurt her at last, if she chooses you.

If you're a nice guy, be chosen, don't choose, else she'll hurt you at last.

Real men don't get chosen, they choose. Nice guys don't choose, they get chosen.

Yes we have rich women who respect their husbands, but such are very few compared to the teeming population of those who have habitual recalcitrant attitudes towards their husbands

Fountainofyouth:
True, but that also means there are rich women who value their husbands.

Hello Ms Sexist, Alakija is just a single individual out of thousands of women. So singling her out to justify your feminist view does not mean that all other rich women have regards for their husbands

Fountainofyouth:
Mister sexist, Alakija the billionaire is richer than your very existence, and she's still with her husband and very born again, speak only for the females y'all breed in your family.

Feminist spotted. No single regards for men

Crazyblue:
See this one! So they should both be starving or beg from family instead.

Mtcheeeeeeeew let me leave here before I ruin the rest of my day abeg

You people don't know how to differentiate between a conjectural statement and factual statement. You perceived everything said to be against women because of your feminist inclination. And for your information, every woman is not Hillary Clinton

Fejimummy:
guy why is it only the negative aspects you are seeing Hillary Clinton is into politics like her husband almost became the first female American president with her husband support... her husband was the cheat not her

I don't support hundred percent that a woman should do corporate job, especially if she will be earning more than her husband. The consequences are multifaceted. It is either she loses respect for her husband or she blackmails him that he is irresponsible whenever he is broke and could not meet up with financial responsibility. She can also start cheating on the husband in that situation

Can a statutorily married couple mutually agree to divorce out of court or is it mandatory that they appear before a judge for them to be pronounced divorced ?

Teezzbond:
Im a lawyer. No she can't. The separation is enough to ground a divorce but until a court has divorced them, she stays married to the first husband.

Though I don't support wife beating, third party interference, especially from in laws, is a bane of matrimonial bliss. Good luck as you make efforts to recover your wife back

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

If he begs in the morning and say the worst things to you in the evening, then that's a big red flag that he's not going to change.

What I sense from all the stories is power struggle between the two of you and this suggests that the two of you didn't marry for love, rather for some other socia class and socio economic exigencies that brought you together.

It's been my advice for people to marry for love within their social class. That is when there will be equal power sharing. When you marry above your social class, the person that from the upper class has much power and control over everything. Be it the man or the woman.

Get out of the marriage. But since you did court marriage, it might take you two or three years to get out because court divorce has some rules that prolong divorce proceedings. But while the case lasts, ensure that you stay safe.

Best of luck.

Kindheartedd:
I don't even know this post was taken to fp.

I will pursue this legally. Starting from tomorrow, no going back on this.

He begged me this morning, and this night he said the worst.

I did not enter into a contract marriage with him in any way, but he keeps saying we are in a contracted marriage.

We did just court and traditional marriage. No church, no church because I attend a different church from the the one my parent attend. Being the first to get married in my family, the rules they set played hard on me unlike now that my siblings do their wedding in the church they attend. So his belief of court wedding is contract marriage.

Court wedding is a form of wedding as church wedding. Why is he having a misconception of what a court wedding is. This is a social studies class, every one did this in school.

He grow up in the street and he's very disrespectful and stubborn. He doesn't regard anyone. I don't know why, I've allowed this for too long some one he reported me to blamed me for allowing him take advantage of me for too long when I opened up to him. I don't even say much I just related the recent issue and that he's always doing it and the man blamed me. The man begged me not to leave but that fell on a deaf ear.

I have video proof of some of his abuses, so I can testify anywhere that I had to run to save myself from his abuses and then continue working on divorcing him. He is not courteous at alllllll, he said we should live like couples in the advance world, each one pays his/her bills. Kids schools fees 50/50. I've got no issue with that cost I've always being paying part of the fees and do so many things at home plus I've being so foolish in so many areas I can't mention here cos everyone will blame me do much.

He is playing the 'Omo eko' attitude on me.

Am certain it will be all well with me, I don't need to stay with him.

Feminist spotted

Jewessgratitude:
My dear, do what makes you happy. Man is not a source of happiness.
Thank God you have lovely kids who will keep you company and make you fulfilled In life.

I'm not married but I feel your pain cos I see the way men are behaving these days even in ordinary relationship and if you ask me the last thing on my list of prayer points, it marriage while the topmost thing is money and an established life. Men should always come last because they are most times a big set back in women's life, ive seen it severally.
What we have these days are sissies. We no longer have men.

Just enjoy your new found life dear.
Only you can make yourself happy.

This is on point. But it applies to both genders.

Kalixx:
Bro, I dont think she's a hoe. Gentle with ur words.

I think her husband only thinks he granted her a serious merit by marrying her. It's up to her to change that notion and fight for her finances well which I think she was getting right for some time...

I think its a lesson for women who say they only want rich and successful men and cant go for anything less. Only few of these kind of men would overlook it and be humble still in marriage. For the rest, if you were not there when they were struggling, during the garri days, you just have to accept that sooner or later, they will rub it in ur face they they are completely aware u came to dig some gold.

For those of you saying she is the one, wetin you go if she is or not the lady?

@steveofu,I don't care if you are the lady in question, my advice is that the lady should remain silent about her past. Some matters are better left alone unsaid. Abortion story is one of the greatest turn offs for guys who want to settle down with you for marriage. However if the guy asks her about it, she should tell him and let him realize it's her past and if he is not okay by it, he should park and go.

SteveOfu:
My friend needs help with this problem that has been bothering my friend for years now, she grew up with no direction or guardian and it made her to start having sex at the early age because she was doing it in order to put food on the table, her father died earlier and she as the first child had to sacrifice her self to make sure that her siblings didn't suffer much including her mother. The mum was not doing something tangible back then, before the age of 18 she have already done countless abortions... which makes her to be scared of getting married now because what if she can't bear a child now, right now she's in a serious relationship and the guy intends to Marry her, my questions are
1. Should she tell him about the abortions history before getting marriage? she doen't want to drag an innocent person into the Shit she got herself in, she don't want the man to be childless because of her or
2. Should she remain unmarried? So sorry for the long post. No insult please. Her way of life is transformed since she found Jesus and she has begged God for forgiveness and she has also forgiven myself.

Whoever propounded this 'no sex till marriage hoarse' did humanity no good ohhh

really

Boobtiful