₦airaland Forum

donpata:
What u are saying holds no water. The biblical expectation of submission is not possible for a man cos of the way he is wired. There can't be 2 heads in the home. From time immemorial, the pattern has been the woman under the man and the man loving the woman.

Not since time immemorial my dear, the pattern of men heading homes completely came into place in the stone age where cave men lived and the males being physically stronger used both physical force and strength to dominate the woman. And the fact that they went out to hunt food while women who are better suited to childcare stayed behind and were provided for so the arrangement naturally gave men the upper hand.
Oga This is the 21st century, women no longer sit behind at home and wait for men to provide everything and superiority is no longer judged by physical strength but by a number of qualities, intelligence and morality being two big factors to consider before considering anyone superior or capable of leadership or complete domination of others.

If you want to get the Bible involved you HAVE to respect your wife for your prayers to be answere.
Yes, that is a major criteria for men in the Bible. 1 Peter verse 3:7 husbands respect and honor your wives so that nothing may hinder your prayers. I don't know why this verse is not preached more in church. Part of respecting your wife is trusting her enough to let her make major decisions in the house without bringing them to you first to be vetted. Expecting an adult woman to run to you every time to vet her opinions before she can perform them is not respect. You are denigrating and degrading her and treating her like a fool. Leave some aspects of the house alone for her to make decisions without coming to you first for approval. If any decision she makes in those aspects turn out wrong then it's on her head and she is to be blamed.

Your argument abi question abt whether the man shld not love his wife at all is laughable. Whether a Christian or not, man (male and female) naturally love. Besides, Scripture teaches that the greatest command is to love God. The 2nd is to love others as urself. Sooooo, marriage aside, Scripture expects Christians to love.

The Bible also commands ALL CHRISTIANS to submit to one another but men will tell you that submission is for women alone.

Lastly, God's 'foolishness' is greater than ur greatest 'wisdom.' He wired men and women and knows their individual needs. i am married and I interpret my wife's respect for me as a part of love. Respect is paramount. I see love in her respect. For her though, her greatest needs are to say the sweet words to her, buy gifts, take her out, provide for her, hold and cuddle her, protect her, etc. That is her interpretation of love and most of those are things I care less abt.

Oga that is your personal opinion and your marriage does not work the same way every other marriage works. Who told you all men and women want the exact same thing? Women in countries where gender equality is advocated do not consider their greatest needs to be gifts, cuddles, sweet words etc. And not every man sees love in his wife's respect. You can respect a person without loving them. I had an evil boss that expected me to work Monday to Sunday when I was just leaving the university and this man didn't pay me up to twenty thousand Naira monthly, I got a lot of monetary tips from customers that's what helped me. Sorry for diverting but though I respected that man I really disliked him for being a heartless user. Women can respect men without loving them. You see love in your wife's respect does not mean it is so for every man.

Plus abt decision making, the man is responsible if his home shatters. Sooooo, every decision must be vetted by him

Sooooo, go get some biblical and biological education

No every decision does not need to be vetted by the man. Wives are not brain dead zombies, they can take decisions in certain areas of the home without asking husbands first.

The best thing though is to apply intelligence and compassion with your partner and do what works best for you since every marriage is unique and every human has individual needs. Just talk to your partner in love and understanding to know how best to run your home.

Unfortunately or fortunately for you men some women actually like the arrangement of being totally under a man's control because they are lazy parasites that want to be completely provided for. All those men that want complete dictatorship should look for such women to marry.

crackhaus:
Calling you a simpleton is not an insult, it just means your understanding and interpretation of the bible is skin-deep.


You're drawing parallels where you shouldn't.

Who on God's earth told you that when a woman submits to her husband, she automatically loses the right to also make some final decisions?


Okay you just like the idea of a husband also submitting to his wife, OBVIOUSLY.

Well I'm sure the man you're in a relationship with already submits to you, that should be all what matters.

It's really not about me to be honest.
Everyday on Facebook I see different horror stories of women who are being treated like crap in their marriages by men who consider themselves God's and dictators in their marriage. Marriage is all about mutual love and understanding from both parties not bullying or bossing your partner around because you saw 'wives submit' in the Bible.

This topic is for men ad women that have the wrong idea.

crackhaus:
Another simpleton on the loose

Oga let's be adults here, I know you have been on this forum for years now and you are certainly not a child so a let's not start posting insults like the 100 level undergraduates on Nairaland that go about shouting Afonja and flat_head and ewedu on Nairaland.
Be civil.

crackhaus:
Kindly read the Bible and stop embarrassing yourself.

There are at least three instances in the new testament where women are told/taught how to love their husbands.

The verse of the Bible that asks men to love their wives, if you interpret it correctly, you cannot separate his submitting to her in the process of showing her love. Since you want to get technical.
In 1 Peter 3:7. husbands are told to live with their wives in an understanding way, and show her honor so that their prayers will not be hindered, the verse is commanding men to honor their wives, to honor means to regard someone with great respect and high esteem. How can you respect your wife and you cannot trust her enough to let her make final decisions that affect you at all in the marriage?

And Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, This one outrightly asks men to give themselves up for their wives. if that isn't submitting themselves for her wellbeing then I don't know what it is.

cococandy:
You can’t be married without love and submission from both parties. It’s impossible.

Some people get high blood pressure when men are mentioned in the same statement with submission but they don’t react the same way when women love their husbands.

Why? It shows insincerity. If y’all are so stuck on the Bible, you would get hyperventilatory when you hear of women loving their husbands since the Bible didn’t command them to do so, the same way you get when you hear of men submitting to their wives.

Wisdom shows that both go hand in hand. A man can’t love his wife without submitting to her. And a woman can’t submit to a man she doesn’t love. Both genders need to do both.

Nigerian men are something else, you see that they realize the total submission thing is nothing but tyranny and wickedness but they don't mind forcing women to accept it. How can you claim to love a person and you cannot even let the persons decision hold sway over yours at any point in time in the relationship? Even when it concerns something that is very dear to her heart?

Total submission from wives is no longer marriage for heavens sake. It pure and unadulterated slavery, lmao

yvelchstores:
Sister, biko understand the Bible. It's God who created man and woman so he knows what they want most. Ask any reasonable man to choose between respect and love, he will choose respect. Ask the woman between respect and love, she will choose love. God gave u the brain in Ur head, don't try to outsmart him, u can't. To be happy just follow scripture as it is. Tq

So men don't desire love at all?

And women don't want any type of respect from their man?

It goes both ways na, both husband and wife should love and respect each other, you can't have a marriage where the husband is the only one displaying love and affection while the wife doesn't reciprocate or the wife is the only one showing her husband respect and the man does not respect her at all.

Thats the point of this thread. Both of them should love each other even though the Bible says husband love your wife and both should submit when necessary even if that directive is given to only the wife. If the husband always has the upper hand in 100% of decision making that wouldn't be a healthy marriage, it would be tyranny and dictatorship. He should submit to his wife's need sometimes. Just like she submits to his needs.

peace.

Ademidd:
...this feminism issue is getting stale already. Everyone now using it to seek attention

Lol, this topic isn't about feminism

Mariangeles:
The Bible admonished men to honour their wives...that is greater if you ask me

You are not getting the point.
Even if the bible said husbands should love their wives, it doesn't mean the wife doesn't have responsibility of showing her husband love abi?

Likewise submission in marriage should be carried out sometimes by the husband and sometimes by the wife. The husband submits to wife's decisions if she is smarter in the area where the decision is to be made.

slivertongue:
Stick to biblical theology. the bible is clear on husband &wife matters.

I sticked to biblical ideology naa,
As wife should join husband in showing love so also husband join wife in submitting

Oluwasaeon:
You've said NONSENSE!

hahaha, e pain am

Mariangeles:
Submit to their wives in what sense exactly ??

In what sense are women to submit to husbands?
Thats the sense I am talking about.

If you have a marriage where only the husband shows love to his wife because the Bible said men should live their wives then it means the wife is not under any obligation to show concern or love for him. She can practically see him as a roommate and she won't be wrong after all the Bible didn't say wives show love.

So therefore husband should also submit to wife just as wife should also show love.

Submission is also a role husbands should play.
Yes. The husband needs to also submit to his wife. If you want to examine biblical laws rationally you cannot have a home where the woman alone submits and the man alone loves.



If you have a marriage where only the husband shows love to his wife because the Bible said men should love their wives then it means the wife is not under any obligation to show concern or love for him. She can practically see him as a roommate and she won't be wrong after all the Bible didn't say wives show love.

So therefore husband should also submit to wife just as wife should also show love.

Lordtimothy66:
it still applies tho, do you know why? because men pay pride price

And?
Where is it written that paying bride price means you should oppress your wife? Your Bible commanded you to love her ba?
If you love her you will deal with her in justice and fairness.
A woman cannot be paying house rent and school fees and joining her husband to provide and that woman will still be solely responsible for housework.
That is gross injustice and wickedness.
I know you men love oppressing women sha so you will see nothing wrong with leaving house work for her.

6). Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.(Gen 2v24)

There are no wife only duties or husband only duties anymore. Any duties in our house is for both of us.
In the past when men were sole breadwinners this law would have applied but not anymore.

12). Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, let him handle what is directed to him although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.(Prov 31v23)

I can't answer for him but he can answer for me?
And both of us are co-providers and co-breadwinners?

Abeg marriage has outlived its usefulness, I am tired of these ridiculous laws that try to turn women to slaves.

The man should cook for himself . I don't know why men see marriage as automatic ticket to free cooking services.

Pataricatering:
keep quiet there ! Do you ask men to be humble ? It’s women that must be humble because you want to use them as doormat ! Rubbish talk like this can annoy me !

Don't mind these idiots, they want to boss women around and be claiming head of house and at the same time collecting upkeep money from them.
Nonsense

dangoteinlaw:
Even as a man Ur no 1 prayer point should be against Ur wife having funds than u.only a few hours women ruled the world we can see the outcome

When have women ever ruled the world oga? Is it not men that have been in charge in Nigeria for ages that have turned the country upside down, Nigeria is now ahead of India in poverty rate, India that used to be number one for poverty, suicide rates are increasing and dollar rate is rising everyday because you people fvcked Nigeria up.

Rich Ladies marry poor men if you want to ooo, just make sure you don't relegate yourself to position of housemaid that will be cooking and cleaning and doing housework and STILL providing money at once.
Don't turn yourself to anybody Maga because men will use your head if you leave them.

ONCE YOU MARRY AND START CARING FOR A POOR MAN MAKE SURE HE DOES HOUSE WORK, all that rubbish authority and bossing you around will have to stop until he becomes breadwinner again.

oolongtea: and to women because of course i saw some of u on those threads talking rubbish, men will not treat u better even if u reduce yourself to nothing. having no standards with a man does not make u quality, it makes you a non-entity, u deserve nothing and will probably end up with that. oya hard facts for the ladies, the reason men cheat on u is not cos they cant help it but

If I say I am not starting to lose hope in women I would be lying, I don't even understand if they like being treated like sheet. Many stupid Nairaland women have started accepting crap treatment and crap standards from men instead of asserting themselves one of them started a thread yesterday to say that Nigerian men owe women nothing just cos she wanted male approval. How on earth can a gender that claims to be superior not owe those they lead anything? Her writeup was so pathetic and devoid of self worth I wanted to vomit. Funny thing is that men would NEVER EVER say that women owe them nothing, they would say women owe them respect and submission and even owe them the duty of providing for men but stupid women who seek male approval have absolved men of any responsibility towards the women in their lives.

On nairaland month after month you see worthless boys starting topics to insult women and belittle their contributions to the family and society and these stupid boys say that before a woman can truly be respected she must take over the duty of providing from the man. Lazy pieces of sheet that want to be called leaders and heads of house but they don't want to work for it, they want to sit on their behinds and wait for women to do everything while they beat their chests and claim to be superior to everybody. And Nairaland women have started to support this school of thought and run their fellow women down.

cococandy:
You’re out of touch with women’s reality in Nigeria. How can we have a discussion?. Have a blessed day sir

Ignore that guy he doesn't even live in Nigeria, just comes to a Nigerian forum to vent his woman hate.

many women have damned themselves by association to men who are easily influenced by pressure and dont have a mind of their own. they leave women stranded and embarrassed always.

Women are not allowed to stay single, men have convinced themselves that a woman can not possibly survive without a man so they shame women who refuse to get married or who chose to be single mothers. They cannot accept the fact that a female is capable of being an independent entity separate from a male.

Most of you really dont know the job of a father cos the past nigerian men did not really do much for us, so to u, a father is a man who does not deny a pregnancy and shows up every now and then and that's bullsh!t

In Nigeria emphasis is not laid on how to be good fathers or how to lead a home, only women are taught how to cook, clean, care for children and even provide money for the family.

All men are taught to do is to provide money and give orders and not take nonsense from his inferior wife.

Is emoney still paying airforce for the work he is doing or has it turned to volunteer work?

generationz:
yes for a retired slay queen.

a girl who has all the attention and has slept with everyman who says she is beautiful and has the cash to follow up.

I know what the writer is saying because I was almost in this position though I'm young and I never was a slay queen though

sometimes being beautiful or sexy can get into a ladys head. if you've always heard it from when you were young it can affect you in a negative way . you get used to all the attention from both males and females


you feel as regards the person dating you ,you are the one doing them a favour.

you feel you deserve the best and fairytale lifestyle and anyman who falls short a little bit is the off, after all there are like 20 guy s ready to worship you if you leave this one.

so you don't learn how to manage a relationship ,but leave at the slightest provocation




its the same for men and women . But for men the only thing they might suffer is that while their mates have kids in their teenage years that's when the guy is just starting .
also he might end up with a gold digger when he a old and wants a younger wife.



however women suffer this too and its worse for an woman than for a man

as a woman gets older her options reduce that's life for you. Men want younger sexier ladies.
God help her if she was loose in her 20's and has slept with every guy around .

The point the lady is trying to make is that if as a young lady you find a good man try to build with him There is no perfect man and we shouldn't be deceived by those worshipping us now.

I didn't read this bullshit past the first few lines, you just wasted your time.
Nobody cares if you were a former Slayqueen or olosho before.

Its topics like this that demean women and make it look like they are living their lives for men instead of building their future and happiness.

generationz:
because even if a man is 45 he can still marry a 20 year old girl

but it's not the same for a 45 year old unmarried woman who uses to slay in her days.

apart from the fact that she's old all the overuse of her body parts will be obvious

If you are actually a woman then your foolishness is off the charts.

You and the twitter user that made this topic.

Overuse of bodyparts ke?

adedayoa2:
not even demanding alone, they will also want to know if you live alone so they can always come to your crib

I had one like that, that one would come to my house and balance on the bed demanding food every time and he didn't give me money to feed him or anything. He was just happy to enjoy oshofree he nearly packed into my house self. I got tired of his nonsense and told him to leave me alone and the guy did not agree, was begging and trying everything to continue his oshofree life with me.

The truth is that men would happily have women provide for them if they have the chance, then they come on Nairaland to preach independence and why it's not good for women to ask for things from her boyfriend.

BIXYBABE:
Is woman dat will clean, cook, wash, fetch water if require, take care of the children and also work the same time. For man to provide for home will still be an issue. He will only wake up and go to work. If he employ house maid to do house chore won't he paid him. I don't know their problem.

No na, you don't know women are natural house maid for men? Take care of children and house and pay bills too. Foolish hypocrites they are.
You didnt even mention the pregnancy aspect, the stress some women face to keep house running and go for jobs while pregnant and managing waist pain and pregnancy sickness.
All this one's women no dey complain.

These idiot lazy men come on Nairaland everyday to whine about how women must provide for them when the work they do is not up to half of what women do.
I don't even know if any woman in this present harsh economy is still planning on being a full time housewife, women always contribute and have always contributed financially but lazy louts men want them to kill themselves before they acknowledge their contribution.

CHESTER48:
hia.biko kwa precum doesn't have a smell
Unless it's yours,mine has never had an odour.or scent.it doesn't even emit any smell

Precum has smell, your fellow men on this thread confirmed it.

BIXYBABE:
When u told them u are not working they will ignore u, so as not to be demanding from them. idiot pigs. I don't know maybe he's d one feeding me since 20years back

Men are hypocrites. They don't want to provide but will happily marry a woman that will provide for them and take care of the house at the same time. Like Op of this thread.

tiwasiaife:
Ur wife is wicked. I nearly fell into this type of trap bt God saved me. In marriage u shld be observant in ladies who are stubborn,stingy and has no fear of God any lady with these attributes are no go area esp. When shes abv 30. Guy leave hwse 4 her b4 u die of stress n depression.

Likewise women hope you are listening, if a man is stubborn, stingy and has no fear of God don't marry him. Men like that are a no go area.