₦airaland Forum

simiolu1:
If you say so... U no dey sleep?

simiolu1:
This got me cracking... We weren't knacking akpako o.
I just used to go there to watch movies, eat and read tales by moonlight!
Hehehe

Onegai:
it's not really a gender war (lest I hope not). But anecdotally, this study is correct.

Fact: we have poor healthcare in Nigeria. Majority of us are not getting basic healthcare, talk less of advanced. Men are loth to present themselves for treatment early on (I speak from the experiences of siblings on the medical field, who treat unwilling male patients when it has gotten to an advanced stage. The average female is more scared of losing her fertility so will go to the hospital and do her research online and amongst her peers far easier).

Fact: one gender is subtly encouraged to promiscuity. It is seen as a proof of manhood (one case study I know was a man who, upon realising his libido was low, was advised by his male friends to "sample younger girls" because his wife was also "ageing and not hot anymore". After catching an std and treating it, it was discovered it was a chemical imbalance causing low libido. But the doctor who treated him said the advise he got from his friends was very, very common (sadly).

Fact: our society finds it easier to blame the female. A young wife (late 20s) is being blamed for infertility currently because she had a fibroid operation a while back. No-one is pointing fingers at her hubby (early 40s) who has a stressful job and a not-too-happy situation in life with some poor lifestyle choices and a health issue. It's very common.

All this study should do is encourage both spouses to go check their health when there is an issue of infertility.

bellong:
Does your husband believe it is his God-given right to be polyamorous?
Does he go for check up?

If the answers to the questions are no and yes, I guess your assertion is flawed.

Yes, some men tow the path of your opinion but majority do not. The majority cannot be judged on the opinion of the few.

If I have time after church, I will dig up a study done in the Southwest before 2003 which contradicts the conclusion of the research posted here. The study opined that women are more and at higher risk of infertility than men. Like my position on this, I faulted their methodology.

If the SW study concluded on female infertility with few sample space, SE study concluded on male infertility with few sample space, can you understand what I am driving at?

Samples should be collected across the geopolitical zone to understand different geographical causes of infertility in arriving at a conclusion. The men of South East may be at higher risk of infertility compared to men in the North, Southwest and vice- versa. The females in the North may be at higher risk of infertility compared to other zones due to geographical and environmental reasons. Until data are taken across board, I am sorry that the authors cannot lay authoritative claim to their conclusion.

And I maintain, for this type of study, the space used is not enough.

babyosisi:
When they will be asking about abortion and all whatnot
You see am
O kwa this family section
They won't forget me in a haste

CFCfan:
And he went to the famous Igando customary court.

iwakolewa:
Well said.

babyosisi:
From Igboland
I was also shocked

babyosisi:
This is for all you males that insist that you need to check out and make sure your wives can conceive
Facts are sacred
Dinachi ,timboktou,harveyspec cococandy,keppy,jahblessme,bukatyne,apextitan,njokusboy

bukatyne:
Missing service already?

thorpido:
.

keppyy:
Bukatyne, I must confess that you inspired me to say that (I was too drunk in love)...thank you

Cococandy, hmmmmmmmmmmm....I think he is just scared of the possibility of a bad result.

Is you aunt still with her husband?

keppyy:
I lied to my Ex about my virginity status and it hurt him so bad that he almost broke up with me...

I explained why I did it and apologised with the intervention of friends..

He said he'll only accept to it if I go for a comprehensive medical check-up, I told him it's not necessary because I've been celibate for 2years, I check my HIV status every 6months and I've never had an abortion...

He said the trust is broken and he needs medical proof...I was to test for HIV, Hepatitis B and C, several STIs, herpes and I was also to ascertain the competency of my womb because he according to him he was considering "Marriage"...

I accepted but with the option that he would do the same with the inclusion of "Sperm Count" and he has to pay because I don't have the money to waste (because I trust myself)....

I can never forget that day because the lab technicians even commented that about to wed couples don't screen theirselves like this...He had an emergency that day, so I gave them my sample and left....I was told to come back One week later for all the results...

The next day I asked him if he has submitted his sample and he said he is busy, I travelled for about a week and I was not even bothered about the result because I knew I am clean...I went for my results and I was told he was yet to complete the payment and he never submitted his sample...

I realised that he was not even sure of himself and he made them screen me like a guinea pig...He told my Sister and Friend that as far as I attended University of Port-Harcourt, I must be do all the tests that Port-Harcourt girls are Whores and uniport girls are Supreme whores and avoided me like a diseased animal....

Days later he came to my house with a box of chocolate and wine (His peace offering and I guessed he must have collected my results)...He did not say anything about the tests and pretend all was well...

Anyway, I asked him about his test and he said he does not need it and that he is clean blah blah blah...I just told him that I can't date him any more till I get his comprehensive medical report...And we've not spoken ever since (I sincerely don't know what he is hiding, MR CLEAN)...

Sorry for the long epistle...

harveyspec:
Thanks, but if you don't give those answers, how then do I ascertain that you have changed!! I can't just take your word for it

It's not enough to pass all the health test, I need to know how you lived ur life, then check if you have made changes or open to changes & also if you realized ur mistakes etc

A lady who cheated in her previous relationship & sees nothing wrong in what she did all in the name if he wasn't always around, is a no no for me

Imagine she kept this from me, am I not walking into a time bomb

Imagine a lady who has been in 4 relationships & in those four relationships she cheated in all of them!! Isn't that a pattern? Isn't there a possibility that I will be her 5th victim?

But if she tells me & I study the circumstances around all of that & see that she has realized the errors of her ways, then I can forge ahead with her

But all those blanket statement of "honey, you didn't meet me as a virgin & I have a past bit all that matters is my love for you & I won't cheat on you" doesn't fly by me

A trial judge needs to hear the crime, needs to see the steps carried out for restitution & see the proof that the perpetrator is truly sorry & won't repeat it, based on this he can give a ruling

Those answers is for the sake of my mind, once the mind starts to play tricks on you then you know the relationship is over.

harveyspec:
I know you didn't ask me, but my question will go thus

Though I have to state it that it's quid pro quo, I'll be open & truthful to your questions & I expect same from you. I can't stomach lies

1. How many relationships have you been in?
a. In these relationships, did you cheat on ur partner?
b. where they healthy relationships, were you abused verbally or physically or sexually
c.were you sexually active in these relationship

The above questions is to help me ascertain if she is a damaged good & also to check if there was a pattern that repeated all through & to also see if she has turned a new leaf(assuming she was a cheat) to also check if she sought for help in terms of counseling and all of that

2.have you procured an abortion before?
a. how many times & were there complications in any of the procedures
b. did you go for checkup to ascertain that all was ok, I.e no complications
c. Will you be willing to go for a comprehensive checkup with me

3. Do you have any child or children, if yes
a. What was the circumstances that led to that birth
b. is the father of the child involved in the child's life or your life or will there be a future interference ?

4.have you ever contemplated suicide or have you attempted one before(my coz once dated a lady like that, so am taking no chances on that)

5. Do you have any health condition, eg HIV, Hepatitis, sickle cell, hypertension, ulcer, asthma etc if yes
a. How have you been managing it, what's your lifestyle like

I ask this cos I can't be with someone who is hypertensive & is still involved in smoking & drinking (for us to be together I have to see the willingness to change or at least a pattern of trying to live a healthy life)

There are more questions but we can peg it here, someone might say that I'm setting myself up for disappointment cos I will likely hear what I want to hear

That's why I will cite my caveat emptor, if you decieve me into marriage, the day I discover the heavy weight, that's the day the union will end

The answers to some of the questions throws a light into how the person has lived, the kind of crowd the person moved with, if the person has realized his or her mistakes, is willing to change etc

Cc:cococandy

jnrbayano:
The scenario I gave is in a marriage union.

If I understand "your past" to be "before your marriage union" the answer to your question is yes, if:

1. it will in anyway be detrimental to your future (marriage)

2. it is required to expel any fears the baggage of the past may bring into the future (marriage)

babyosisi:
Yes
And if you ever as much as look at any man and any unholy thing flashes through your mind,it is equal to adultery biblically, that ,you must also confess to the husband to be forgiven.
That is the wife rule
Open your bible and read it
Every woman must do total disclosure to every man she meets and dates so he can make an informed decision
Anything short of that is deception and God hates deceptive women who won't blab


Kitikpa rachaa kwa ha anya dia

jnrbayano:
Cococandy dear,

Confessions you make while single aren't all the time same with one you make in marriage union as far as I know in the Catholic Church.

Assuming you committed a sin against your body, the confession starts with your spouse and by extension to God.

Reason is that you share one body with your spouse. You sinned against God as well as him/her.

Without confessing to your spouse, your penance is incomplete.

The catholic faith!!

blublahd:
not all guys get mad at that.

babyosisi:
The sick partner is actually the woman

pickabeau1:
What does penance mean

Like charity gifts to orphans?

1stCitizen:
I was handed a pack of condoms recently by a charity seeking awareness on the scourge of STD's on my way home from work. If my daughter had seen it in my stuff I know she will react in the same way as you have. I had to throw them away before I got home. Your mother could have been given the condoms in the same manner.

Any child with proper mental health would flinch at the thought both his/her parents having sex even when they know they are products of such activity. It is even worse when it is with someone else.

It is quite normal so don't listen to all those telling you the opposite. Respect is a two way traffic. As parents we ought to respect our kids and how they feel. As children we have a duty to respect our parents.

Your mum is being discrete about it and that respect is all that matters. Stay blessed

trustedward:
Seriously some of u haven't been there...imagine the feeling of another man bleeping Ur mum,wen you're hoping one day ur mum ND dad would come back together ND u guys would be whole again,it's like having another guy bleep ur fiancee u truly luv...I swear considering d position u re as a son,you ought 2 be mad and jelous at the same time bro...really sorry..






Geez....imagine the feeling of the guy scrolling ur mum while she screams in pleasure. ........

babyosisi:
Oya go and mention it and see if you won't get an ear drum shattering slap across your face
What business of yours is it?
By the way,what are you looking for in your mom's handbag ,you juvenile delinquent good for nothing son
What are you searching her bag for?
For cash or for her valuables to go and sell
Rage burning in you indeed
Useless thieving son

pickabeau1:
Do you believe once you confess to God or priest it's ok?

simiolu1:
As a teenager, I understood that every1 has a past whether good or bad. In fact, I see it a fundamental human right.
I have mine too and in every relationship, I make my partner always understand that their past would not be an issue if it does not interfere with our relationship and future.
With this mindset, my partners have been able to open up to me and I've heard things that would make most ears tingle!
I've once dated a mother of twins (in fact she was my first gf), a girlfriend once admitted to being in a lesbian relationship etc. But the one that suprised me most was a girl who once told me she was a virgin (she told me of her own volition; I never ask if a girl is a virgin or not cos I know that time would tell).
Later on when we were about to start dating, she told me she wasn't a virgin but that she's been abstaining from sex. When things got serious, she told me that once I hav sex with her, she won't be able to control her urges. This made me travel from Ogbomoso to Oyo every week back then. One night while in my arms, she opened up to me and delved into her past relationships, how she became a sex addict, got pregnant for her ex-bf and did an abortion.
What I've learnt is that ladies are calculative. They ain't stupid. If they tell you about their past, it's a test. They do so cos they trust that you'll keep their secret. On the guys part, you must be mature enough to handle a relationship and all the issues and baggages that come with one. If you are not, you have no business being in a relationship.
A friend of mine told me about the sex life of his current relationship. He, the girl and I attend the same church and cos my friend is a "bro" I just assumed they weren't shaggin. My friend expressed his suprise to me bout the different sexx styles this lady has been showing him in d bedroom and asked me where she learnt them from. I was like are you a learner?

njokusboy:
Lolzz, I was not done before you quoted that post, the new one includes my reason for quoting you and an apology