₦airaland Forum

They should take the offer

As in

OgidiOlu3:
Why do you people always blame the victim?

Divorce

So funny

Zonefree:
Married people are becoming menace to this great forum

Trusted family is highly Underrated.

Someone you can have peace of mind when you leave your kids with. It’s definitely something to treasure.

OP should be taking them shopping, money, spa treatment

baby124:
When you have kids you realize the importance of TRUSTED family members! .

OP by now you should be going to interview Crèches to see which is most suitable for your son. Also consider bringing in RESPONSIBLE and TRUSTED family members. Since her mom is going, you can bring your mom to help out. You try your best to rotate to the other once one gets tired and runs away. You try to settle them small for their work because it’s not easy taking care of these tiny humans. Even you now will appreciate their Crèche carers.

Okay bro

CumOnHer:
Ok, I'm trying my hardest to get women's logic here.
To an average Woman, "You're a woman" have different meanings in different levels of conversation. (Whereas "You're a man" means the same for all conversation).
I suppose the true nature of a woman varies with changing circumstances. A man would always remain true to himself in both times of war, peace and finances. I talk for every man because we have proven to be better logical in every situations.
Why must it varies among the women?. Your being a woman in times of war is different from your being a woman in finances. You are being a weaker vessel in war times but the best finance manager when it comes to money management. Which was why I earlier asked if we needed any set rules to know when to appropriately situate the female gender.. Men would probably be needing some rules in the nearest future on when to tell a gender " You are a woman"

Ephetar:
MIL that will go in a month's time? I really don't know how we are going to cope when her Mat leave is over... and she doesn't want a live in nanny...

I can’t imagine that it would be easy.
If you guys get a live-in nanny and god forbid something goes wrong, everyone will blame her for bringing someone to come and live with her.
But if she decides not to go back to work, they’ll also say she’s a lazy leech.
You could consider crèche for infants so that at the end of the work day you or her can go pick the baby up.

I’ll tell you what worked for us. At my job I only have to work 3 days to count as full time with all benefits. So I chose to work weekends and my husband worked weekdays. So he took care of the kids during the weekend and I took care of them during the week. When we needed time off, we tried to make it happen at the same time so that we can have a few weeks off work at the same time. Otherwise we wouldn’t have made it.

See if it’s possible for you to come to an arrangement like that. If not, maybe a different family member from your side or hers can come over. Good luck.

100 percent accurate.

Maybe he’ll listen to another man.

You know we are women

RightToReject:
Of course, it can be used to convey derision, as it's usually the case in most cases, rather than to compliment, just like smirking and smiling/laughing do, respectively - In this regard, the demeanor and connotation of the pronouncement, no matter how hard one might try to gloss their true intention, will definitely show that it was made to deride.

Prayers up

pocohantas:
I no envy you. The HEpistle and spermatozoa filled logic that is coming your way now ehn.

May the cosmos be with you.

pocohantas:
As in. Logically putting it to us with epistles. Coming up with baseless analogies. Make I mop ocean if I respond to such. Smh

all of a sudden we are supposed to forget that they use the term woman disrespectfully any chance they get. Now no one understands why a woman could give them a side eye for reminding her she’s a woman.
Because if they don’t tell us, we don’t know what we are.

I’ll engage him o. Let’s pretend to be clueless together. Maybe we’ll figure it out

For the DENSE people let me break to down for you.
Most women love being women and are proud of being women.


However we know that you guys don’t respect women due to your innate and nurtured misogyny. So when you say “you’re a woman” to a woman out of the blues and unrelated to whatever the conversation is, we know it’s because you think in your twisted mind that it’s a form of insult.

That’s why you think telling a man he acts or thinks like a woman is an insult. That’s why a man “driving like a woman” is unbecoming. That’s why you groom young boys to think the worst thing they can be is effeminate. So they overcompensate in order to prove they are not like lowly women.

When you tell a woman she’s a woman, it’s because you’re thinking in that moment that she’s overreaching her level and needs to “stay in her place”. The place you believe is beneath you.

But let’s all pretend to be idiots here shall we.

pocohantas:
Nah, he isn’t seeing any world from his room. He very knows what he is up to. We are not toddlers here. If you no indulge this kind person, e go start to tear clothe because the purpose of the thread is defeated.
The nerve to even try to make people indulge in an argument over an open and shut case.

Kai

Imagine thinking that anyone is thick enough not to see through the nonsense

CumOnHer:
Does it take anything away from the conversation?..
If I say, Coco, you're beautiful, does it take anything away?. I can tell you'd blush.
If I reminded a student that he is a student, what negative does it connote?
If you reminded a provider (man) that he is the provider in the family, it doesn't demean him either.
We are being reminded of our roles at work despite being aware in the first place.
Reminding a woman who she is should be greeted with appreciation rather than condemnation. We are naturally wired to remind each other.

If you’re telling me I’m beautiful it’s because it’s a compliment and you’re expecting a reaction.
When you feel the need to remind a woman that she’s a woman, what’s the purpose? Is it a compliment?

The purpose of the statement will determine the reaction you get.

If you’re having a conversation about finances and then single a woman in the conversation out to remind her that she’s a woman, what’s the purpose at that moment?
If we are having a conversation about war and you turn to a woman and remind her she’s a woman, what’s the purpose of that reminder in that moment?
If the conversation is about motherhood and you remind a woman that she’s a woman, is it the same as when you choose to remind her she’s a woman in a different scenario?

Do I or anyone else on this thread seem dense to you?

Why do you feel the need to remind her of her gender? What does it add to the conversation?

CumOnHer:
Thanks for the honest input yet confusing, shocking and dumbfounding all the same.
You're a woman and that's your gender - fact!
Why should you get triggered?

When I say "you are a woman" ;
1. I'm reminding you of whom you are.

2. I'm emphasising the fact that you're a woman

3. I'm awakening your consciousness to your place as a woman - to be more aware of yourself being a woman.
There's nothing condescending or demeaning of a woman being reminded of who she is.

baby124:
Did you not just insult me that I have no sense of reasoning? You are a young man, you can be my son or baby brother, so I am not out to destroy you! I want you to have a future but learn a big lesson from this. Apologize completely to the OP and I will delete everything. I have saved all the evidence and will be watching you closely. Completely apologize to the OP and we don’t have a problem.

You gathered him appropriately. I was about to quote him only to see the comment was gone.
I don’t know why they feel a necessity to put negativity on other peoples’ lives

Rallies. Lmao

dgitrader:
Never underestimate the magnitude of bigotry

this. 100 percent

Acidosis:
I've just realized he has created many dangerous threads in the past. But I want to believe he's now trying to reconcile his past.

Yea I didn’t know at first too. I thought he was just a regular romancelander posting their usual goofy stuff until I clicked on his profile and fear catch me

Acidosis:
Okay. I have to agree with you on this. The multiple thread thing shows a more dangerous motive.

I really think the forum owner needs to do more to weed out and permanently ban posters that call for physical harm on any group of people. Yes the rules states it but they don’t really implement it.

We can all e-fight and argue but it hasn’t reached this level

Acidosis:
Like I mentioned, I do not like his approach. I don't see why anyone should attack women or Nigerian women on Nairaland because of their individual experiences. I don't have any bad experience with a Nigerian woman. The few I have met have all been good to me. But that's not enough to say that the experiences of others do not count.

Dude needs to heal but that won't happen when we dismiss his accounts or try to rationalize the hurtful treatments from his past.

What will help him heal?

I’m sorry his behavior is absolutely way worse than whatever his mom is doing. That’s why it’s a non-issue to me in this conversation. That’s because I’m actually seeing something terrifying that’s more worthy of focusing on. Why the MODs allow such dangerous posts I’ll never get it.

I haven’t asked him to respect his mom. Believe it or not, I’m not one of those who thinks every elderly person MUST be respected based on age alone. So I won’t care if he respects her or not. Do I think it’s smarter and wiser to have her shenanigans out of the home where those men won’t have access to her kids, absolutely yes. But in the face of OP behavior, it suddenly seems like a trivial thing to focus on than the real and present danger that’s the OP. Because at the end of the day, no matter what his mom does, he’s still going to hurt someone and find a convenient woman in his life to blame it on.

I know to some people , how a woman behaves sexually is the beginning and the end of the world.
A serious crazy dangerous lunatic could be on the loose at the risk of hurting people but let’s focus on how appropriate the woman was acting.


Agreed that he has the right to feel about his mom however he wants. He needs to leave other women out of it. I know it doesn’t matter to you because you’re not a woman. But posts like his have real life consequences for women. Harmful and dangerous consequences .

Acidosis:
Okay. I must admit that I don't like the idea of creating multiple threads about his predicament. But I also do not agree with the idea of rationalising his mom's actions. What do you even mean by "control his mom's body?"

You all talk about showing respect for his mom even though we all know that respect is reciprocal. If she does not respect herself enough to keep her sexcapabes to herself or do it discreetly, then her children have the right to react the way and manner they want.

It doesn't matter whether her husband is late or not. She owes her children and those she lives with some level of decency and decorum.

Acidosis:
Children also have the right to react the way they want when they find their mother with different men. So cut it out.

Before you start vibrating for me, go through OP’s 240 topics and explain to us how his mom’s sexual behavior after the death of his father warrants any of the putrid nonsense he’s typed below.

Those people who empathize with him I don’t know what to tell you all. Person is just looking for excuse to justify the deep hate in his heart and you people are encouraging him.

Hopefully none of these guys cheering him on loses one of their sisters or female family members to him before they come to their sense and see how unhinged he is. We know it only matters when it happens to someone they care about (like his sisters who he appears to love). Otherwise all other women deserve to die for having a vagina and using it in ways he doesn’t approve of.

Acidosis:
Children also have the right to react the way they want when they find their mother with different men. So cut it out.

He’s not a child. He’s a grown man.
But yes he can feel however he wants to about his mom’s sexual life. He doesn’t need to create 240 threads on nairaland that directly and indirectly encourage harm towards women because he can’t handle thinking of his mom being with anyone that’s not his father. Tough break.

He’s a danger to those around him and he’s spreading his dangerous behavior. All because he wishes to control his mom’s body

Acidosis:
Having sex again or bringing different men to the family house? Please clarify.

Actually this is the part he needs to clarify. Because me too I’m curious. Is it that the man/men comes to the house or is it that she’s doing it at all that’s bothering him. I wanna know.

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Coco what are you doing on this thread alone?
Reading through..

I was trying to..

TypicallyBrunt:
You still have it easier OP
At least you started with one, in our case we're learning on the job with 2 (six weeks old today).
To say I'm stressed is an understatement.
Don't even want to imagine how I'll survive these next few months living like this like I'm literally taking it day by day.

congratulations

Is your wife planning to go to work after the usual 3 months maternity leave? You also have to factor that into the care of the child. Because your wife will work all day and come back to stay awake all night again. It can drive the weak insane.
Also your MIL is a human too, when that stage comes, don’t leave it all to her. The three of you should band together and make it work. Na so life be.

Congratulations

Kobojunkie:
Imagine this level of fury when no be say the woman commit adultery sef!

Granted she does not seem a good mother but this level of rage against a woman fof getting her freak on after having paid her marriage dues... you go even dey imagine whether na she kill the man or something.

He’s just beating about the bush instead of being honest that his main anger is because his mom is having sex again. This is a level of anger you expect in children and teenagers who don’t understand how adulthood works. Not a grown man.