₦airaland Forum

i so feel u on this one.My lil one is 1 this week and she is crawling,standing and attempting to walk but you should see how everyone around me is making me feel like there is something wrong that i have done and that is why she is not walking.It pisses me off to no end.esp my sis in law(i love her but on this issue she grates on my nerves)who takes every opportunity to let me know that her son was walking,reading and eating on his own by 7 months (just joking but i think he walked at 10 months and some weeks).She sometimes just goes on and on about how my daughter is slow for a girl,was grinning happily in my mind when my husband the last we saw that told her that all kids are different and my daughter is not her son.People around you try to make you feel anxious about your childs developmental milestones but with my daughter i have found they do this things when they want to.I too was teaching how to sit at like 3 months cos i kept on hearing stuff(esp in yoruba cant type how they say it)like this girl should be trying to sit up.The poor girl would just fall on her face ,cryand lie down again.I just noticed one day at around 5 months that she was sitting.like that.when she wanted to.So i guess she will walk when she wants to.I refuse to allow people make me feel bad about my parenting and my child's develpoment.Life is a marathon jare,let the gril enjoy her baby days cos it really doesnt last too long.

His obsession with timeliness,gosh it can be so annoying atimes but it really is a good trait that i have quite reluctantly emulated from him.The man believes in getting to the airport 10 yrs(sorry that was a pun )before the actual time of the flight,You would then get to the airport(after already checking in online) and then start walking about aimlessly,like who does that.When i was single, you would be seeing me screaming at danfos at that oshodi bypass before MM cos i was always there like 40 mins before the boarding gates close .I know its a good trait but meen its quite obsesive and quite unafrican if might say so,i am always saying do you want us to help them set up the party ni (and believe me we actually have a couple of times).Quite funnily my hubby is not a great lover of meat,and when i hear other people talking about how their men consume meat,i am amazed.You know that african tjing of not giving your husband one pc of meat does not work with my hubby,i ned up throwing away the rest cos he only ever eats one,in short i force him to eat at all sef.

chaircover:
Ok another epistle;

Coal that is great. Very few men will do what you are doing but you cracked it when you said that you and your wife are working towards the same goals. You have foresight and you don't let your ego get into the way of reaching your family goals. Wish more people were like this.

I run a business in Nigeria and so more or less commute between here and Lagos, leaving the kids with hubby and in some ways he is better at looking after them than I am. I am the one with the short fuse. "You eat this or nothing brigade" but he negotiates with them & everyone is happy.

I know I sometimes go on about him like a love struck teenager but I know where I will be today if he had put on his "I am the man of the house cap & so I don't go into the kitchen or change nappies" hat.

@Hispikolo please don't be afraid. Motherhood is something that we all just have to grapple with & God has surely blessed us women, the maternal instinct is naturally there for most women so we just get on with it.

Life will never be the same and once you understand that, then things are so much easier. No; you will not be able to spend 6 hours in the salon everyweek, neither can you do anything without thinking about the implications on your children, you even find that you don't drive as fast and as erratic as you used to etc but I tell you one secret; it is all worth it. Children are indeed a joy & a great great blessing. Even after a hard day, they unconsciously cheer you up

Last night my 7 year old daughter was trying to bribe one of us to buy her an Hannah Montana Wii game, so after asking us both and the didn't get the response that she was looking for. She went and got her big brothers guitar, sat on the bedroom floor and started playing the guitar (should I say creating a din) and singing (all off key) I love my mummy, she is the best mummy in the world, she has beautiful hair, she wears lovely clothes, she is beautiful etc etc etc of course after the second line or so, I said Yes she can have the game and she promptly put her guitar away & stopped singing . . . . such is life.

Financially it can be a strain, but nothing is permanent and as time goes on, things get better. When both my kids were in childcare, I only had £200 left from my wages after I had paid childcare costs; but we just cut our coat according to our material and now I marvel at how we coped in them days.

I must admit that in term of career, I finally gave in and eventually choose a career path that was less stressful. That was a personal decision however, I think that us women are in a way lucky in that we can to a certain degree choose what to do, while the men (the providers) have to put food on the table anyway how.

aww bless kids can be such a comic relief at times that you really need it.My lil one is just 11 months old but her antics never cease to amaze me and her father,she is so cheeky and has her dad wrapped around her fingers( and believe me she KNOWS).
@Coal you are a good man may God bless you and all those husbands(including mine) who see that helping their wives is indirectly helping yourself,the littlest thing that you do to make your wife's life easier will get so many rewards and a happier home.Take for instance yesterday,My husband got in before me and had helped me wash some soiled clothes that i had hastily abandoned in the morning cos i was the one dropping,the lil one had been bathed,changed and had had dinner and he had started boiling rice for our dinner.Lil things i do everyday but i felt a rush of affection for him taking the intiative to help me out and make life a lil easier for me.My brain had been in gear on hwo i would get home and just shift into the housekeeper mode and was so relieved that most if not all tasks had been taken care of.

tsmith:
@ poster

I so feel you. I am very much in your shoes, a tigher fit i would say!


I just had my 2nd baby, who's 4 months now. My first is still a baby himself, been exactly 2 years, so you can imagine how full my hands are.

To top it up I work contracts, so dont have the luxury of maternity pay/ leave. When you are out you are out.

I had planned to take 3 months out as maternity and start searching for a job locally. Give myself 3 months to search, if no luck spurn my rod further away from home. Out of the blues, when my baby was just about 8 weeks,my last role came up & i got a call from my manager if i was interested. Kinda felt that was lucky me, as it was a local job, "the devil you know been better than the next you dont" and to top it up, negotiated a 25% increase in my daily rate!

So i took on the role and started 10 weeks post natal. My arguments in addition to the above was, in this tight periods of job cuts and expenses cut, there might be limited jobs around and there was no gaurantee that i would get a job locally. also Also, this was an opportunity tha happened for a reason; the gu the employed didnt like the role, they in return dont like him and i felt it was all the Lord's doing and he only just warmed my seat while i went to deliver

Now to answer you question, can mothers have it all, No, atleast not initially, but with time, they can have it all and more. It's all about finding a balance that works for you and letting a lot of stuffs give until you can handle them properly. This is a lesson i have learnt bitterly and very recently.

it looked good on paper, good job, right career direction, Plenty money (i most confess) and my sister is around from Nigeria for 4 months, so baby in good hands and the toddler at nursery 3 times a week to help develop his social skills and so my sister isnt burnt out. A very hands on husband, albeit in his time and at his pace!

But men was i stressed or what!!! For the 1st time in history i understood and believed something trully existed called stress, depression, anxiety etc. Normally i dont give these any face and believe they were imaginary things in the heads of claimed suffers. I nearly had a nervous break down, i was so stressed out! Trying to balance work, with family life, with extra projects here n there and to top it up request from pips wh still think you are the super woman of years gone past! Also myself taking on more than i could handle.

It took me breaking down two weeks ago during my sons birthday to realise

1.) I am not who i used be 5 years ago
2.) I am not Jesus, i cant save the world, i need to save myself first
3.) I had to learn to love and say the word NO
4.) I am my first and most important priority; I had to preserve myself for the sake of the kids.
5.) My kids are the most important in terms of feeding, wellbeing and overall well fare
6.) My husband can take care of himself and still do his bits!
7.) we need to have a stuctures routine in place; bed time, feed time, methods etc
8.) a little pamper goes a long way; holiday (booked), time away from the kids (movies, etc)
9.) Despite the fact that i want to look like a yummy mummy etc there is a time and place for everything. Make up, hair etc takes the back seat for now. Got my hair in dreadlocks, i only need to do a 1 hour tidy up monthly. not even a brush in the morning, saves loads of time u cant imagine.
10.) Cook only at the weekends, the micro wave is everyones best friend

I so feel u on that one,its just that i feel dreads dont fit me ,the wahala to take out braids is so annoying and i dont even have time to stay for 6-7 hours making braids so my hair is at the moment a case,thinking of getting the thing cut a little bit shorter at the weekend(i have very long hair).As for make up,that one is on the train and the full monty is out and just for outings and church,work is lipgloss,mascara and compact powder(dont want people on the train to be looking at a me like a loony) .

Okija_juju:
What ever happened to the word of your God according to the bible in the books of;

This means If you fear God, Obey his commandments, then you shall neither be barren nor poor. Wealth & riches were used here so I'm sure the bible was refering to Money, gold and the likes.



Now he is talk bout giving the money of evil people to the christians. Monies of Yahoo boys, Ogu Ego (blood money), Politicians, e.t.c. Basically, christians should be having "Arab Money".

I guess he was talking bout "Jehova Jireh" here. The God of provision


I'm sure every pastor has used this line to hustle their congregation severally. Look I could go on & on showing you instances where the bible promises Christians wealth and riches, so whats your point exactly? You are talking bout Mother Theresa?! She was a wonderful woman but I wonder what she has to do with anything, she chose to be broke. Commiting her life to a humanitarian course, thats way different from hard-working christians who work 9 - 5 jobs and yet still live hand to mouth.

God shall supply all your needs does not mean all christains will be wealthy.Needs are basic neccesities of life.Most times we to do not need stupendously wealthy to meet our basic needs,We WANT to be rich. I am not saying that My God(your words) does not make people wealthy because i belive he alone giveth the power to make wealth , i am just saying that the decision to be a christian should not be based on that premise alone as one might get disappointed if the so called riches are not forthcoming.Mother theresa example was too say that sucess was not based on riches as i feel she was succesful.

Before anyone comes here to castigate me,i am a christian,a God loving bible believing christian,i attend one of the most popular pentecostal denominations in Nigeria and i do not hate wealth or riches.But i hate the fact that alot of our 'supposed'teachers seem to cash in on the inherent 'hammer' or 'get rich or die trying' attitude of most nigerians/black people by potraying the salvation experience as an express ticket to be rich or 'blessed' as they seem to call it. God is not the lottery,tithe and offerings are not tickets to such,(rejoinder: i have nothing against both so pls do not dwell on just that part of the post).I hate it the way Success or fulfilling destiny is seen or measured in monetary terms or in terms of material acqusitions.

I know God does indeed wants us to lack for nothing for but why do we(myself sometimes included so i am not judging just trying to be introspective) always seem to label people that do not have money as not having fulfilled destiny.Someone said that Destiny is not Place in itself but a cumulation of many things.Can someone tell if Mother Theresa did not fulfill destiny?She was not wealthy and basically did not have wordly possesions.Mary Slessor is not remebered and taught in Nigeria History for the wealth that she possesed.To me a teacher who is dedicated and is able to succesfully impart knowledge and shape a child has helped in fulfilling the destiny of those children and might not be necessarily rich.A father who is a cab driver and shows milk of human kindness to a man who boarded his taxi and in turn the life of that man was saved helped destiny if that man he saved in turn was a scientist and found the cure to bowel cancer.All i am saying in short is that sucess cant and should never be measured in financial or material terms especially as a christian.

It just sometimes makes me wonder when i sit in church and hear stuff like 'There must be something wrong if by the end of next year every memeber of this church has not bought their own property' .Eccelesiates 3 tells us that there is a time and season for everything under the Sun,and everyone's times and seasons are different.If someone who is easily swayed by mass euphoria now does not buy property next year,does that mean that God does not remain God.Everyone will not own property,FACT.Whe i tell people this, they say i dont have faith.O i have faith,but my faith in God is not predicated on things that can be seen as Hebrews 11 illustrates,dont get me wrong i am not supporting mediocrity,but who says not being wealthy (in terms of money cos wealth is relative,some people are wealthy in other resources apart from money) makes you mediocre.I am tired of pastors slating hardworking people and sometimes making them believe that the sole aim of being a christian is for God to bless you and make you rich.Its just a fringe benefit and that wealth is even not meant for you to flaunt and make others feel that they are doing something wrong.Thank God for people like Bill gates(who is not even christian) and pays like 90% of the world's Polio bill.

I will not stop attending my church but i will not stop pointing some deficient doctrines and i dont care if they label me a rebel,God alone is my standard.

Hi office,been a while.

Anyways decided not to go for the interview as an internal vacancy came up for a role where i think i stand alot to gain in terms of experience and role progression.A little bit technical and advanced but one where i will be learnig ALOT.I almost did not apply but my line manager encouraged me to if it was something i saw myself doing.To cut long story short sha, i applied and my interview was on friday.I felt i did well(but you know sometimes one can never discern emotions from this britico peeps )anyways i prepared well and i have left the rest to God.I should be getting a response this week,fingers crossed.

Thing are ok at my other job(my home office ,taking care of two babies,hubby and lil one).We are getting into a routine and sha getting by, was supposed to be going to america with hubby for a wedding in two weeks but trust american embassy,they did not give me visa .They said i do not have enough ties to the Uk .I wonder what ties are greater than my child and hubby.Anyways it all good me i have said i am not dashing them my money anymore so they can chop their visa till i am eligible for .
So that means i on my own with lil one for two weeks but that means me and lil one are going to naija in oct.Yipeee .Abi they sha cant deny me visa from my fatherland.

Gotta go now,eyin peeps wish me luck in my application,will be back to let you know if i got the job or not.

@ chaircover LOL at the one where you car being in the driveway does not mean you are in.I think i really have to adpot some of your tactics unfortunately we still live in a flat so i dont have the luxury of checking out visitors,probably should invest in CCTV LOL

Yes ,i guess i am being a u bit uptight as its the first one my husband always 'wa ko pa ara e' meaning you will just kill yourself.I guess as you grow older,what people think tends to bother you less.Yeah, i want to serve God and all,but am not making church activities(am not saying service is bad) make me sin.You know when you do things and grumble its really not done in love and you are just being religious.I know service requires sacrifice but i have read my bible to know that ones relationship and standing with God is the most important.It just annoys me sometimes when some chruch leaders stand some far and pass judgements,its all Good anyway,cos there are only human.I will just ask for Grace and Wisdom to enable me the best daughter,wife,mother and christian God wants me to be.

@ outstrip,thanks for the encouragement i do believe that it will get better you sometimes one just gets overhwhelmed with it all,i am hoping it does get better and am currently looking to plan for the future by going into  a line of work that would be more flexible.
@ mutter, i think you  are quite spot on taking time out for oneself,i have seen some people who are quite close to me burn out due to mounting so much pressure on themselves,for someone like me i sometimes need pressure to push myself but i guess too much of anything is not good.I guess your position of making one's kids as self sufficient as possible is quite one to emulate but since i have got only one at the moment,thats for the future

There is also something i have made up my mind to do this weekend and that is to stop volunteering for so much.I find out that i take on so many things ie not necessarily work but things like family and church activities and because i hate people giving excuses and so i dont give them,i just stress myself so much in order to fulfil those obligations.So going forward, i would try to take on tasks that i think i would be able to accomplish properly and in due time. I have to  help organise a womens conference in september and then someone sent me  a text this morning wanting me to head a cell group and i am going to decline,i know the person will be miffed but really its better to decline now than take it on and be  a useless,unorganised leader.

@ outstrip,thanks for the encouragement i do believe that it will get better you sometimes one just gets overhwhelmed with it all,i am hoping it does get better and am currently looking to plan for the future by going into a line of work that would be more flexible.
@ mutter, i think you are quite spot on taking time out for oneself,i have seen some people who are quite close to me burn out due to mounting so much pressure on themselves,for someone like me i sometimes need pressure to push myself but i guess too much of anything is not good.I guess your position of making one's kids as self sufficient as possible is quite one to emulate but since i have got only one at the moment,thats for the future

There is also something i have made up my mind to do this weekend and that is to stop volunteering for so much.I find out that i take on so many things ie not necessarily work but things like family and church activities and because i hate people giving excuses and so i dont give them,i just stress myself so much in order to fulfil those obligations.So going forward, i would try to take on tasks that i think i would be able to accomplish properly and in due time. I have to help organise a womens conference in september and then someone sent me a text this morning wanting me to head a cell group and i am going to decline,i know the person will be miffed but really its better to decline now than take it on and be a useless,unorganised leader.

The reason for this topic was a conversation i was having with one of my female managers yesterday,I just got back from maternity leave a couple of weeks ago and we met on the train and were just having a chat about how i was finding work and the home routine.She has three kids and is one of my top managers,so she would know alot about juggling both worlds.She did say that she had to sacrifice alot in terms of a social life and also working meant that she did sometimes miss some stuff but all in all just advised me to find my own niche and eventually work out what rouitne would work out for me.

This topic is one that i battled with when i decided to go back to semi full time(this means i still work fulltime hrs but i am on flexi time ie get in diff times but still do my obligatory 30 hrs)used to work 37.5 hrs prior to maternity leave.I am someone who is very career oriented( you definitley have no option when you come from a family like mine) and i grew up with my mum working and travelling the world as part of her career.It really had no negative effect on us as we she had a very large support network and was always there when it mattered.She had both parents,her own grandmother(for about 10 yrs of my life),grand aunties,aunties,uncles,brothers,we had so many grandmas,we had granny surulere,granny illupeju,granny fadeyi,granny lagos in short she had a very laaaaaaaarge support network.My parents really put in us (my sis and i) the idea that because we were girls did not mean we could not have it all, families,high flying careers,everything.

But alas,fast forward and here i am living in the Uk where its basically a DIY society.I have little or no support network and my own mom is not like all those 'grannys' that she had, she is retired now but is still in active business and there is a limit to time which she can leave the running of her business back home to come and help me babysit here in the Uk.I am blessed to have found a fantastic child minder who really is a God send and i am so grateful to God that she had a space for my daughter.I have an hubby who is quite hands on as dad(though sometimes his help is more of burden sometimes with his help,his diaper changing na waya )anyways i am begginning to work a routine that works but wao is it hard.Let me just give you my lowdown this morning,we have a rota of who drops and picks dependent on what time you get off and get in to work so today i drop and he picks.I had my bath,put on the kettle,washed the bottles and sterilised them,did a little cleaning(i knowthat one is not compulsory but i have bit of OCD about my house being neat and tidy),woke the lil one up,bathed her,fed her,got her bag for the minder ready and voila the accident everyone dreads chose this morn of all mornings to happen,her nappy got soiled and seeped into all her clothes,it even stained mine sef.and i have an internal interview today so it was a good suit,My head went 'O God pls not this morning'.To cut a long story short,had to change her,rinse the clothes,and then decide on what to wear as my other suits are at the drycleaners.I missed my train and got to work huffing and puffing,without my usual make up on the train cos after being awake for like 3 hours working i was not in the mood to even make up,i even forgot to wear perfume(i never forget to wear perfume )

This morning i thought to myself,kini gbogbo wahala yii gan?translated to what is all this wahala sef.Guess in life you make lemonades out the lemons life throws you,so this leads to the question of the topic,can a mother have it all?Pls i did not say a woman,cos a woman can indeed have it all,but as a mother especially in this era of fast paced living,is it possible to combine it all, being there for your kids, a highflying career,a thriving social life,time to fulfil religious and family obligations( i have like two church meetings this weekend as well as a long owed visit to a family memebr who is going back to nigeria on monday as well as a friends daughter's brithday party as well as baby shower on sunday afternoon ) and all the rest of the baggage that comes with being nigerian .And I mean be good at it all(every single one of them).I know its all by God's grace but i would appreciate contirbutions from all those who have been there and done that.And i dont mean those who have two nannies and 1 cook .

chaircover:
Work per sey, is not anti family but too much work is.

Of course some people have to work long hours just to be able to put food on the table but some people work long hours just to have enough money to keep up with the Joneses.

If the kids are in school, then there is nothing stopping one from working during those hours and going to work has its own advantages; self esteem, socializing, keeping the brain going, showing the kids a good example etc

As Yorubas say, emi ise gun ju emi ayon lo, so one has to try and strike a good healthy balance between work and family life.

What I never seem to understand is those London party freaks who wear £5,000 gold necklace sets & change into 5 different expensive lace attires at their[b] kids 1st birthday party[/b], yet work 4 jobs and know all the night bus driver by name.

Go to Liverpool Street Market on a Sunday and watch them buying shoes & bag sets that cost them more than a months wages & wonder who looks after those kids while they are hopping from one job to another & then they wonder why their kids become peckham gangsters even though mum sings in the choir every week

I so agree on the bolded points above sometimes wonder if they are actually throwing a party for the kid or itsjust another excuse for a party,i recently declined buying aso ebi for a 1 yr kids party and i know the lady in quetsion felt affronted but WHY? should i buy aso ebi for a kids birthday pary for what?you should see how manic i look to some members of my family when i said i am not throwing a abig owambe party for my lil one 1st birthday i really do not see the sense,i have been getting ur just doing ijebu,i dont see the sense in elaborate parties for a one yr old, the kid does not even remember,by Gods grace when she is 5 and will tell me what she wants she can have something ok(not over the top) its not like i cant afford those parties but i really do not see the sense.

Back to topic,Work is not anti family,i think the lack or too much of it is what is anti- family.Me and hubby have decided that one of us has to be there for the kids and if it means giving up on some unecessary expenses so be it.I know how much aso ebi i bought when i was single( mostly my friends weddings),you should have seen my wardrobe at home,overspilling with laces,woodin and the lot,no more no more.

@Tkb tanxs jare berra person,baby  and hubby are fine jare.

One issue i need a different perspective on, i intend to start my ACII exams next year by God's grace and my present company normally volunteer to pay membership fees,exam fees and are also quite flexible on study leave to study for the exams.It really is a really good place to work and all,very parent friendly and all(my friends all envy the fact that i still have my full 25 days holiday this year despite the fact that i just got back from 10 months maternity leave,no 9 months cos 1 month was last yrs holiday).Anyhoo,i have an interview with this other company offering better pay and all,(the recruitment agency are trying to get an interview date just called me when i was on my coffee break).My hubby thinks i should just stick where  i am now,even though the pay is less as he feels sometimes money is not everything especially when looking at working enviroment,he says the recruitment agency will get a commission so they are therefore trying to sell the new company to me and so i therefore cannot predict what the working enviroment will be.I see his point,but i be typical naija gal,that pay is mouth watering ,.I can see me progressing here but you know one should  never to take things for granted.all in all ,am tilting to staying here for a while cos i cant say if the new co would be flexible on studying and childcare,but as they say in yoruba,(my proverb skills are highly flawed) but it goes somewhat like one should make money while young,But i guess when you have kids esp as a mom you have to make sacrifices. I am thinking of calling the agency back to cancel the interview and just stick here for a while cos i dont want to go through all the shebang of going for interview for a job i might not take.One other thing sef,they would want me to close at 5 cos its a nine to five role and here cos of my baby i start at 10 and close at 4.30.Enough ranting,outta here.

Na wa for una o,se becos me too i did not come on to ask for business proposal ,none of you could even welcome me back to my office,i thought this thread was welcome to my office ,anyways it all good.

Getting back into the flow of things just a lil sleep deprived but i shall no longer copmplain and just look forward to the weekend(when i am always on house duty),have a wedding,a church meeting and a birthday party on saturday all of which i think i have to shenk(is that word still in naija vocab),i am drained.I have PDR coming up next week and i am busy cracking my head on what to put in my 'how i have lived the values in the last 6 months' cos i really was'n t was i i have a couple of ideas though on what i want from my career in the next year,training courses would love to attend and some things that i am looking to do, so i am guessing that should fill up most of the meeting besides my manager sef is new so have got an upper hand on him .
anyways gotta go,the fire alarm is going on longer than usual,need to leave the building(am sure its a false alarm the facilties people need a gay break )

Hi everyone,good to see this thread is very much alive.

Back at the office after 11 months at home,my brain is as dull as anything coupled with the fact that lil one who was previously sleeping through the night has decided that she will start waking up again now that mumy has to go work in the morning(typical) .Anyway getting back into the scheme of things with a new manager and all.Seems like a nice sort of guy so am guessing we are going to be getting on well.New procedures,processes and all really make me feel like a trainee all over again but this week seems to be on to a much better start as the annoying IT people seem to have finally gotten my log-ins and Security access correctly(wonder why i was even taken off in the first place?).anyhooo got to get back to work but hope to pop into this thread from time to time to fill you guys on life as a working mum.esp in an enviroment with no househelp(i sometimes really envy all those naija peeps with help,a friend of mine has two nannies and 1 househelp ) me ontop of all the huge fees i am paying nursery me and hubby still have to be running around like chickens on working out who will pick,who will drop and then still get home and do housework,e no easy.its all good jare.good to see you guys have kept thread alive.

thanks for all the various responses on the matter been busy so have not been able to reply., we have decided to go with our hearts on this issue and have decided to continue saving my daughters child benenfit as it really is not our money.I have always been one person who thinks that the best thing to do is raise our children in the way of the Lord and then trust them to do what you think is right(all by God grace,cos it really is not in my power to force a child to believe,have seen sum pastor's kids, hmm).Its just that this month has been tagged the month of divine obedience and the sermons always seem to end up on tithes and offerings and how we should not rationalise on Gods commandments.I am rationalising this one sha becos its not my money,if not for my daughter there would be no child benefit,so technically its not ours to spend as we like,its meant as a token from the govt to take care of the child and since me and my hubby can afford to take care of the girl without spending it,we have decided to save the money for her.and for the poster who asked for her age,she is 8 months old.

Note;this was not posted in religion becos i know that the thread would degenrate sharply into a tithe or not to tithe debate,Just want the opinion of christains parents living in the uk.

I was recently talking to a friend of mine in church and she told me that i was supposed to be tithing on all the money we got from the govt eg child tax credits and child benefit as it is indeed part of our increase.I kinda of see the point in the child tax credit part as its a sort of tax break but me and my hubby have decided that the child benenfit belongs to our daughter and have proceeded to save all of it for her till she is old enough to make decisons(with our guidance)on what to do with it.My hubby esp believes it's not our money and so we do not have a right to tithe on it as its technically not our increase.Its been nagging at me for a while and just wanted to throw the question to christians on what they think about this issue.This also translates to all the monetary gifts given to her at birth that we have also saved for her.Also rolls onto another dimension on whether or not people on some benefits eg jobseekers allowance,incapacity benefit etc are meant to tithe from it as i do not see this allowances as increase(my view sha)cos welfare is really not a lifestyle that should be or should i say voluntarily adhered to.Would appreciate your thoughts on this issue.

So nice to see that this thread still exists,not been in here or should i say NL for ages mainly due to the fact that my office duties have officially changed to diaper changing,feeding,waking up 3 times at night etc . Cant believe its been over a yr sice i discovered this thread to chill out from my office worries,can see that we have so many newcomers that might not even recognise a veteran like me ,anyways just thot to pop in to say hello from my 'new office',my madam just fell asleep and i am trying to do so too before my next official asssingment.Anyways merry xmas to all peeps and may the new yr bring us all what we expect and more in our various careers and human endeavours.

Mine is really nice as she is the only gal and takes me as the sister she never had.As i dont have a mother-in-law,i am happy that we get along very well.My hubby is even always jealous and just passes the land line to me when she calls cos he knows she is not calling to speak to him.She is also like that with my bro in law's wife.

I hope to have that kind of relationship with my younger brother's wife in the future cos i do not see the reason why some women are bitchy and nasty to their sis-in-laws .

I am 7 months preggers at the moment with my first and i must say this thread has really in a way made me prepare my mind for the inevitable IT WILL BE PAINFUL.I have resolved to psych myself by acknowledging that fact cos all those people that keep on saying 'its not as bad as they say' will just not prepare you for what is ahead,my mom included.

So all those breathing techniques dont work?My midwife just keeps on harping on and on about practising your breathing,aromatherapy yada yada,and yesterday even suggested hynotherapy,she was playing soft music and trying all those meditation things but even though i was not in labour it was not working,i was just thinking to myself how will some one in pain be meditating on rivers or mountains or generally nice things?Dis oyinbo people self

Nice to see the official NL chillout thread is still up and running,kudos to the rewakeners.

The past few weeks has been a rollercoaster one for me on the work front ,wow its not been easy.We've had the FSA(Financial Services Authority) in our offices for the past week and you want to try all the stress and meetings(half of which i slept in ) we had to do just to make sure that all our working practises and all met all their requirements.Thank God its all over,deep down in my mind i was just cursing them cos of all the stress(with my condition o).Dem just dey stress lil ol me, where were they when all the fat cat bankers in the City were feeding fat on bonuses,dem come dey halla me ontop the tashere kobo kobo salary and bonus i am getting.Well,it's  all good na practise for when me too i get to exec level and start cashing in on the six digit bonuses.(which really is the real dillyo,when i saw our GMD's bonus this yr,my smoothie went the wrong way.even in this recession.)

This month and next is like rounding up for me as i go on maternity leave in August.Have a meeting with HR at 12 to decide benefits and all other modalaties.It's a kinda rollercoaster one for me cos i am torn in between whether to take my full 9 months entitlement or come back after 6 months,Hubby is happy with whatever decision i take but me i am scared with this recession and all especially in my industry that my job will be at risk.I have asked people who have been there and they all give me different opinions, i don tire jare.I know pregancy is never a reason for dismissal but when thinking of redundancies wont they they think of the person who they have just been paying for the last 9 months to sit at home and take care of a baby.Everyone tells me not to worry and all as i am quite a valuable part of my team(if i may so myself ) but this recession has made me realise that one cannot be having one false sense of job security.
Let me go jare before i start boring  peeps with my wahala .(but guess that's what this thread is for anyway ).

Hi Guys,

For those of you that live in london,i would need for someone to recommend where i can get a good pregancy spa/pedicure treatment preferably in south east/central london area.I am six months pregnant and at the moment feeling a bit low and under the weather,my hubby suggested that i should probably get a spa treatment( he did not say spa sha masseuse was more like the word) and pedicure(i do need one of those not had one in about 9 months but scared of what to use).I just need a overall treatment that would just make me feel better and my friends back home in Naija always say getting a pedicure made them feel better.

I have done a google search and all the ones that have good ratings seem kinda caucasian inclined(do not mean that in a bad way) so just thot to see if anyone on nairaland in london had had one in the last couple of years.

I would be eagerly awaiting your responses.

I am expecting our first child and am in 6th month.I have always hammered on the fact that i wanted my hubby there with me on the day of delivery,now i that i am getting closer to my due date,i think i am having a rethink.

My reason for this is my husband's temperament,suffice to say i am the 'calm' one in the relationship.He is 'Mr Panic' and often times i am always the one able to keep my calm during stressful situations,the man just simply over worries.I can picture him flipping out with just one scream.He has been such a pain with this pregancy sef that i think i will prefer having my mum with me.

'You are losing weight','Your tummy is not growing','Have you had milk today',Tell your boss you did not sleep well so you can't come in','Should you be eating tuna','i dont think you should relax your hair','Why did u mop the bathroom Floor' etc are just a few of the man's annoying rants,one would think i was dying.Yeah i enjoy the pampering but it can get stifling atimes.

This has led me to think he might punch the doctor or mid wife if the pain relief is not quickly admistered.So even though he does not know it yet ,i think i would not want him there adding to my stress,my mom is the better option.

So about having husbands in the labour room,i think this should be left to individuals to decide(the mother and the husband in question)and what they feel would suit them,as i say everyman to his own.

Hope the lesson was learnt by the other housematesmates,never underestimate the 'ugly duckling'.Philip understimated and undermined Lorraine all through the task and i think that's why he got fired.They all just laid back on the task and though that if they lost,she would be the scapegoat as they felt they were all stronger candidates than she was.Good for Philip though(though he was the cutest guy sha)

Yup,agree with you on that, i see the contenders as Yasmina,Kate(think thats the name of the pretty one) and Miss dragon Debra might try to claw her way through.Miss 'Cassandra' might have stood a chance cos she realy is intelligent BUT she has no charm or charisma whatsoever.

As soon as Ben's team lost  i knew Noorul was a goner.Really started to feel sorry for him but he just totally lost his case when he pulled the magazine deal stunt.WTH .That  was low even for Ben(who i really dislike).

Debra really needs to learn Human relations, i can just imagine her as a manager,she would be  the ultimate boss from hell.So arrogant and bossy and if not for Sir Alan was going to continue to argue with Nick. .

Norul can NEVER be a businessman,he should just go back to the academia jejely.

All in all,i expect more fireworks from Debra and Yasmina(who is my favourite at the moment).

There is this yoruba proverb that says something about being as daft as 'eran nuru' or something along that line,that is what Noorul is ,a real goat and to think he is a teacher ,i tire for british education.

I know this is late but did anyone watch the clip on 'You're Fired' where Ben told Philip he got a scholarship to sandhurst( ;Dgosh it was so funny) and he had to mention it again in the boardroom.The fool obviously could not cope and that was why he did not take 'the sholarship',fool.And also his ' i am going to shred,tear and destroy them'speeches are totally uncalled for,i cant stand the guy.Typical chav.ode oshi.

James is not bad if only he can censor his mouth,but am rooting for Yasmina.seems to be the most intelligent of the lot.

I think who should pay depends on different circumstances ie the bridesmaids,relationship to the bride etc.All in all i think the bride should be considerate in thinking of what costs the bridesmaid would incur.

I gave my bridesmaids about 9 months notice and also made sure they had a say in their dresses,i paid for their jewelry,hair accessories,make up and also their hair(did not pay for the weaves though just the fixing).I also got them really nice gifts cos i felt honoured that they accepted to be part of my train,they paid 10k and i ended up spending about 15k each of them.I also had to pay for my little nieces(my aunty'sdaughter) but did not mind paying as i had budgeted all those costs ahead, Guess the fact that i stuck to strict budget on other things made me have extra for all that (also the fact that i am yoruba and my parents and husband paid for the reception helped sha dont let me lie).

Ilelobola:
Well, I said my right hand not both hands.

If she wasn’t doing all these things before she got pregnant i.e. not working and not doing all the chores you’ve listed, then you wife might be lazy. However, why did you marry her as you should have known beforehand? Hence just hold on to the reason you married her and deal with it.

Otherwise, if she was doing all these things before and has only stopped since being pregnant, STEP UP and stop moaning, eat takeaways together and don’t stress the woman.

If a man can genuinely not provide food for her whilst pregnant due to circumstances he can’t control, who is going to let hell loose as long as the man is not being lazy.

No office based 9-5 work can compare with pregnancy especially in the first few weeks/months and for some unfortunate women, the whole 9 months. She might get pregnant again and feel totally different perhaps even more energetic.

Again, I agree with Treetop, talk to her.

If[b] only God had made it possible for men to experience pregnancy too.

[/b]

I agree! I am pregnant too and sometimes i feel sorry for all  extra chores that my hubby has to undertake(this is someone who does his own share of household chores) but i really am not up to it on some days.For some women even the smell of cooking sets off nauseous spells.Pregnancy is not easy on the body abegi.esp when you have to go to work.also every day is new,some days i am so energetic and all and some days i am totally knackered.

Hey everyone,

Nice to see that this thread is still alive,Kudos to those who efffectively ensure that is always re-awakened when dozing off.

My working life has been(and i mean really) mental coupled with personal issues going on in my life right now,all i can say is it is well. Despite the financial crisis,we are actually doing 40% more business than actually forecasted,which really is good news for the business but ridiculously high work volumes for me.The high side is that YAY,we did get our bonuses(was really not expecting one after all the doom and gloom and wahala in the press about bonuses) and i got even more than i expected which really made my end of march lovely.Got a salary increase as well(4%) which really is not more much but at least alot better than payfreeze or redundancy that is going around in our industry.What more can we say but to thank God for his grace and mercies?

Well all i can say is that work is fine,get to leave early today so not that bad only have an outstanding report to hand in and my brain just keeps on freezing(this my body has really been battling me,its like its no longer mine ).Posting here is like a breather,so have to get back to it now.Well guys,hope you all have nice day in your respective offices.