₦airaland Forum

Benin is gradually descending into a city where people can no longer feel safe in their homes. Kidnapping is now a daily event that no longer make the local news unless it's a high profile person that is kidnapped. I feel sad for that once beautiful and orderly state, and i also feel a measure of sadness for the unfortunate pastor's family.
The other sad thing is that many of these so called Men of God that people deify and pay tithe to are only a little worse than your average greedy narcissistic womanizing lying thug of the street that you detest so much. If the pastor had succeeded in pleading for his life by giving the gunmen whatever it was that they came for (assuming a bargain could have been struck in the first place). The next day in church would have been one of great testimony of fantastic tales of power and courage. He would have told the congregation of how the Holy Spirit shielded him from the hail storm of bullets the armed men unleashed on him. How when he shouted in Jesus Name, they became consumed with fright and confusion, and began begging for his forgiveness.

@folaked: I am very much interested to know which power is supposed to have changed hands this month that failed to change hands the previous month, or if perhaps it changed hands and reverted back to the owner it was taken from the month before, hence the need to do it again?

mko abiola: But u can alwys buy anoda fone.
Where is d fear of God nowadays?

Can you not always buy another bible/quran as well with even less money?

It already exist. The local name in some quarters is amebo.

What about the lesser known Okafor's Second Law of Congodynamics which states that:
A thousand kisses is never equivalent to one solid round.
K₁₀₀₀<R

Beautiful write up. It will take a fool to fault this op

This is the title of an interesting short story I read from a blog that describes all that is wrong with the church.
As a work of fiction it naturally would fit into the literature section, but I think there is a whole lot of things for us christians to ponder about hence my decision to post this story under religion.
Here is a small excerpt. To read the full story click on the link at the end of the excerpt.

Your pastor secretes holy milk. That is the story being whispered by everyone in the church – choristers, ushers, and the women. They say he is God’s anointed. A man anointed by God must have all his body parts and fluids blessed too. With just a wave of his hands, people fall in multitudes and when he talks the breeze ceases and the roof trembles. He orders a member of the church to command the crippled to rise and the cripple rises and walks. He lays his fingers on the eyes of the blind and he sees. He touches a widow’s sick son and he is healed. The widow receives holy milk from him too and that is not a problem because he is the anointed one. Who can say no to God’s anointed? - See more at: http://brittlepaper.com/2013/09/pastor-holy-milk-obinna-udenwe/#sthash.IzDIdaeF.dpuf

Reading this story failed to inspire any shred of doubt in me about its authenticity, because to doubt implies a level of uncertainty of which i have none.I can't understand how anyone will read this story and still have any doubt about its glaring falsehood let alone actually believing it.
This is a story that is devoid of date and of place and with no named authority. Here are a few questions that should help clear the mind of those still in doubt, and hopefully help anyone gullible enough to believe this story.
He claimed to have been arrested and remanded in prison for six years. When and where (date and place) did it happen?
When and where was the trial held, and who was the sitting judge that passed the sentence?
How can he explain the anachronism of having a blackberry in his story at a time that it wasn't in use in Nigeria?

Another sycophant. Why don't you save your prayer for the helpless
starving child that lives at the side of your street but you pretend not to notice.

I don't how many of you can still remember fxking2012. He was a very regular contributor in nairaland until a few months back when his posts slowed to only a trickle with the last one a couple of months old.

I would very much like to know his present stand on the efficacy of Oyedepo's curse on boko haram - hopefully there has been a change from his previous blind trust in the pastor's curse.
If you care to go over the thread here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/859846/bishop-oyedepos-curse-boko-haram

alex1612: OGA YERIMA AND CO, WHY U NO USE YOUR RELIGION TO FIGHT BOKO HARAM, CURRUPTION E.T.C

How can he use his religion to fight boko haram when his religion and boko haram are one and the same thing?

Cyborg2011: People like panel beating facts and truth everywhere especially if its about Islam or Muslims why ?

Even the story of the so called Girl was fake !

The story of Nada al-Ahdal, an 11-year-old Yemeni girl whose video about her alleged arranged marriage went viral, is being called into question. In the video, she claims to have run away from her parents' home and to her uncle Abdel Salem in order to escape. Her story was covered by many online media organisations, including The Stream.

Two human rights groups involved in the case, Seyaj and the Yemeni Women Union (YWU), say parts of Nada’s account are false, including the claim that her parents planned to marry her off. According to both organisations, someone had approached Nada's parents to suggest a suitor for her, but they refused. YWU President Ramzia al-Eryani says Nada has returned to live with her parents after being in the custody of YWU while the case was being resolved.

http://stream.aljazeera.com/story/201307281912-0022941

Is the story of a middle-age prophet Muhammad and nine years old Aisha also fake? What of senator yerima and a thirteen year old girl, is that one fake too?

In a nut shell, Senator Yerima's defense boils than to one simple argument. It goes like this - Peadophila is not a crime in Islam because prophet Muhammad did it to a nine years old girl so every muslim man have the right to follow the example of Muhammad.
All i would like to know from muslims on this thread is if they are in agreement with Yerima and Prophet Muhammad.

mahdino: There is no white washing here I presented u with facts from history and u can verify them. Indeed islam is a religion of peace about shouting and terrifying people u can't blame islam. As long as we have good muslims we have bad muslims who don't really understand their religion. So also there arte good christians and bad ones

Watch this video and tell me if you are more of a muslim than this imam who holds a different opinion from you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64V09tTIjR4

The best person to ask this question is your local pastor after all it is his garri that would be affected, though i don't see him/her leaning too heavily on the bible in helping you to shape 'your' opinion of payment of tithe to him/her the church.

The op has just displayed his ignorance of the facts by mentioning Mammy Water (Marine Spirit) when it is a known fact by everybody in the know that Facebook owes its existence to Pappy Water - Sarc

Here is the same joke from a man's perspective.

Dear Tech Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help!
Joe.


Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can.

When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C: IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C: I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Best of luck!
Tech Support


Source: http://jokstop.com/2kr#ixzz2aFUsrark

I saw this funny piece in googe+ this morning and i thought i should share it.

Striktlymi, how about the guys that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki? was it ok since it falls under your number three? And was it right for the army chaplain to pray to God in both missions that the bomb should not prove to be a dud, but to explode in all its glory?

Idrisyahuza: The bible you claim to be the words of God comfirm to it reader that Muhammmad Mustafa is Jesus successor

Your claim that Muhammad is the natural successor to Christ is offensive to Christians. It is unthinkable that a child rapist can ever be a successor to christ. If Muhammad were to exist today, he would be locked up in solitary confinement as a pedophile and a war criminal, even my humble self is by quite some margin, a far better person than Muhammad ever was.

I would like to know how much this woman is paid each time she narrates this story. I have no problem with fiction, some of them are quite interesting, but it is sad to see so many people believing a poorly made up fiction packaged as fact. If anything, it says something about their intelligence. Little wonder why we still remain at the bottom of the barrel in the community of nations.

ifihearam: the man is talking sense,you are the one finding it very difficult to comprehend common simple english.

he say the reason why dem fit help the people inside the plane na becos na for inside airport the plane for crash land,he come still say,if na inside bush the plane for crash like he dey happen for nigeria,he noe sure say most of the people go survive am.

You and your friend are both wrong. Have you forgotten the Sosoliso Airline flight 1145 that crash landed in Port Harcourt airport en-route from Abuja? Of the 110 people on board that flight, only two survived, five died in the hospital from 3rd degree burns, and the rest were burnt to death right there in the airport. The Nigerian Civil Aviation Agency agreed in their report that had there been a functioning and quick emergency response to the accident, more lives could have been saved.

I couldn't take the torture any longer, so I stopped the song cacophony. It was doing my head in.

Good idea anony,August 4th looks great for me, all that is left is a perfect venue and time.

Only God knows the amount of tithe money that the pastor used in tripping this yellow sisi into submission, bearing in mind that the last wife got luxury cars and numerous luxury cruises around the world while faithful tithe payers were still hoping for their 'unusual breakthrough'.

Nautillus: Siena,

i cant speak for no one here but myself. i have seen the "charmed" manifestation live. i wasnt suprised becos i know that principalities exit. car had a flat btw Ore and ijebu-ode. i was changing it when this towtruck pulled over. i have previously heard of thier antics so when i saw the moto boy "jump" from the van and ran towards me. i stood up to stop him from touching my car. long story short...i had to wrestle the motor boy and his oga...but in the mayhem, i they touched that car, calmed down afterwards. they insistend a "settle them" else they live me there. (i cranked the engine several times ...it didnt start bruv)from 10k...i had to beg ...beg oh...before they collected 2k.
bros, as i enter motor start again...the oga stand behind my car touch the boot...the mob start one hand.

i just engage gear take off.

guy, for real oh. juju dey wey to hold moro.

no stories men.

It is easier and more reasonable for me to imagine that the man was able to prevent your car from starting by plugging your exhaust and not by juju. Touching your booth was just for show as well as distracting you from the real reason he was standing close to your exhaust.

neo_welsh: oooo, i feel sorry for you. Try and study magnetic levitation. Thats the principle behind all these fast moving trains, they levitates. Its just simple physics

Educated Olodo. His hanging on the the bus has nothing to do with magnetic levitation.

Remind me again why you are so certain that the marks on your friends body was due to spiritual attacks

It means that God's will is subject to no one. Asking if God can self destruct is redundant, it cannot be part of his will.

Great news, but wait. Why does it feel like I have heard this same story many times before?I will applaud when the lights are on and not a day earlier.