₦airaland Forum

I will rather drink Lead than advise you and your silly sister.

This is just a whining post nothing else.

She has 1.5 million, she is waiting for him to open a shop for her, she refused to do her masters and went to marry a cheat.

If you won't listen to your sensible father in the first place is it us you abi your sister would listen too?


Abeg swerve

eyinjuege:
The main treatment for TB is free. Its a govt initiative thats been ongoing for decades.

He never said the mother requires admission.

Most TB patients are functioning normally, and spreading the disease.
Its until it gets really bad that they start to manifest. Investigating TB in govt hospitals shouldn't cost more than 10K. Op should be able to raise that without resorting to online help.

HIV treatment is equally free in govt hospitals.

If you didn't know this before, now you know.

Not one kobo, it is free everything tests and treatment is free

qreem231:
she's going to be on admission for at least 3 months

It is FREE NOT A SINGLE KOBO FOR ANYTHING

Who is charging you for Tuberculosis treatment. Name and address of the hospital please.

EVERYTHING IS FREE, HOSPITAL FEES BED DRUGS EVERYTHING IS FREE, we even in Drug Resistant Tuberculosis cases give patients money for food and even when they return home we support them till they complete their full treatment.

Either the hospital is not a real hospital or you are lying. Even private hospitals will refer you to treatment centers where it is free they won't want to run the risk of infecting other patients.

Call 08002255282 toll-free if you are not just trying to scam nairalandlers. You will be directed to the closest treatment center and everything is free

Dhotseal:
Dude, are u in Nigeria?
Social Welfare what?

Yes I am in Nigeria. Be the first to go to social welfare because If she takes you there first you are in trouble

Everything is a freaking issue with you haba.
Your mother in law loves your baby :Problem

Your husband earns money: Problem

Now your son loves his own father: Problem.

I honestly pity your husband but again I don't he should have married a grown sane woman but no he had to marry a clingy " wife material " for cooking and cleaning purposes who believes every mother in law is Patience Ozowokor with a hidden motive. A man's money is their money while hers is to hide and siphon, a child must have " special hormonal bond" with the mother load of crap.

A child likes who they like abeg. A child freaking likes his father it is not a competition, unlearn all the crap you have filled your head with and start learning sense abeg

Go to court. Get evidence of the unsafe environment your daughter lives in, If it has made her sick it is added evidence. Don't go and forcefully take your daughter social welfare will deal with you.


Meanwhile you cannot have full custody, best case shared custody

Saw this on facebook:

Why won't men tolerate their father in laws?


Why do men hate each other??

Why are men of these generation so intolerant?

So what if your father in law comes to check on his precious daughter everyday?

So what if your father in law offers you advise on how to properly run the house because he has better experience?

Why can't you just accept it as advise if your father in law tells you you are not putting on generator well, you are not driving well.

You are angry because your father in law says his daughter is suffering because you didn't buy her blender, washing machine, range Rover? Did he give you his daughter to make her suffer? Haba men remember you will also be father in laws one day ohhhhhhh. You are disturbing her for too much sex, did he give her to you to kill her with sex? Haba

Then you will be carrying mouth when the man says he wants to move in so you as a son in law can take good care of him.

Men of this generation are not nice biko. Treat him like your father

This " Bishop" is speaking on a woman in a violent marriage.

The summary is it is better for a woman to die from abuse than leave.


Oya, women who won't give themselves brain, whose head is good for receiving blows, stay and die in 2017, Bishop will bury you.

You are a foolish bitter jobless gossip.

My friend stop lying, there is no friend here you are the one who is desperate and determined to marry this lying manipulative man.
So three women are evil and you are a saint


The good part about this is that you will marry him or when he finishes using you and Dumps you, he will give worse tales of you to other women.

I don't buy the stupid set up story.

You keep coming up with excuses and justifications, go ahead abeg.

It is women like you that make men Call us fish brain.


Shebi you read the story of a girlfriend murdered by her boyfriend and thrown in a soakaway. This same man's wife ran away due to violence but he told the girlfriend that the wife was a cheat and the lady was helping him share this story till she became a recipient and ended up in a soakaway pit.

3 women, 4 children yet none stayed with him you are busy using money that you could have used for landed property or to buy small sense to open a shop for him.

Abeg close this thread and go and marry him let us hear word, you will be back with another ID in a few months asking what to do about a lying, cheating manipulative man after " all I have done for him"

What is wrong with Nigerian women?

A man cheats on his wife
Denies that he is married

Gives his mistress the key to the house.

The mistress comes in one day finds the wife and stabs her.

As far as I am concerned this husband is an accomplice in the crime but trust his wife to make him a poor bystander who needs prayer.

Madam you lost my sympathy with the last line, shebi it is because the mistress didn't kill you. If she had killed you because your husband opened the door for this I would have seen the mouth you would be using to ask women to pray for cheating husbands. Smh

My husbands parents are divorced but he is the best man I could ever wish for. An amazing hands on father even makes me jealous of his relationship with kids.

My own parents are " together" but their marriage is a war zone, sometimes I wish they would get divorced. My mother being the drama filled aggressive, sometimes violent party.

The same mother wanted to discriminate against my husband, I reminded her of her crisis filled marriage and she held her peace.

I luckily left the toxic environment she built as a home early enough to learn how functional and sane homes can be that is my saving grace. Else I would have been looking down on a sane adult from divorced parents boasting I have together parents when I would have simply been an unstable adult who would have zero conflict resolution skills because I would have learned how to be aggressive and fight from my " undivorced" mother

raumdeuter:
Rent is the biggest expense in a house, How is it handled

One party cant pay rent for 2m and you buy groceries for 50K and say you are splitting expenses

Bless you. He paid two year rent advance and she hasn't bothered to ask how they will make rent but she is shouting 50-50

Onegai:
Yes they do, and they should have a Joint savings plan. But it would be unwise to pool ALL their resources into one Joint account. I have seen examples of that concept failing badly and even my FiL will not allow us do it. Because there are repercussions in the future. The best idea is to have a Joint Savings and Joint Checking, contribute to them, pay bills out of the checking and have their separate individual savings, no matter how little.

Again read my post I said joint or separate savings but they need to run their household and pull resources g
Together first

raumdeuter:
Rent is the biggest expense in a house, How is it handled

One party cant pay rent for 2m and you buy groceries for 50K and say you are splitting expenses

Bless you. He paid two year rent advance and she hasn't bothered to ask how they will make rent but she is shouting 50-50

Onegai:
She has said several times, she pays for household bills and takes care of upto 50% of household expenditure regularly, stating as an example that she paid for all their groceries last month.

Read my post I said they need to financially plan together instead of this buying food by chance routine. Let everyone know what they are responsible for, she has stated several times here that she wants to be a traditional wife where he provides and she stashes, they both need to live within a budget and have savings.

If you can have unprotected se-x why the heck won't you be financially honest

It is posts like This that makes me realize that Nigerian women are not ready for Gender equality.

Imagine your parents educated you then started asking man to " Take care of you "

You too got into a marriage taking it as a financial plan so the man will be suffering and sweating with N120000 in this economy having zero savings while you are stashing your money.

What the heck do young intending couples talk about? Financial education and black and white financial blue print saves 80 percent of marital problems.

Go and sit with your husband on excel do an expense sheet and income sheet then plan how to share bills and save either together or jointly.

He cannot be suffering like a goat to pay all bills while you are stashing away your own money that is a silly mentality and shameful too in 2016.

greatgod2012:
Lol....Acidosis, I see you too. How you dey.
@the whole house, the op is a known nairalander on the pregnancy thread. I've spoken with her through the phone and she has explained what she's passing through to me, it's really a tough and pathetic situation she is. We have scheduled to meet physically by 12 pm today, after which I will come back to give the feedback of our meeting.
If God lays it on your mind to help, please do. May God continue to provide for us all. Amen.

Waiting.

Onegai:
Then she waits until she can show some great behaviour to Mum. But let her go and find out the process herself. Do you have an idea how far GH Igando is from her, is it bus or keke or trekking distance?
Please did you speak to her mum about paying bills? Is it something her mum is willing to enforce? Because if Moji26 can, it will really convince her mum that it is a fresh, responsible start.

The first and most serious sign of change is for her to follow her mother to the shop. That pride and arrogance needs to go. And she can only show real change when she humbles herself and learns under her mother's guidance

I am only willing to help if it is based on what onegirl suggested.


No money should go to her yet only her long suffering mother. Let her mother receive the Antenatal money and register her.


She must be willing to start from the scratch humble herself.

No more tantrums and fighting with people she is learning under.

She is 26, she is a mother it has been said before she needs to sit up, no one owes her anything instead she owes her kids.


Those calling us all sorts of names why not send her all the money she needs since you are all so emphatic and we are demons.

veave:
i'm not saying the op is right, in fact if you ask me i'll say she even needs therapy. There are so many ways one can make another do his/her bidding without imposing. doesn't sound nice at all.

Great, offer your services or pay for therapy sessions. Onegirl has said her own

JUSTbuchi:
she really said this??

And more self

Now she wants a shop to do what exactly?

She refused to follow her mother to the shop and learn trading

She has refused to finish any training.

She will open shop and come back to report on how wicked customers are hence she had to close shop.

Moji the only person who hates you in this story is yourself, you are the one standing in your own way.

You refused to grow up and take responsibility everyone should do things for you while you whine and complain

Onegai:
Has anyone bothered to read up MojAyo and Suzzy16's previous comments on Nairaland? You guys have been petting and petting and indulging this girl's destructive behaviour for some years and she does not believe she has any problems. And now you want to continue petting her? Okay o

Don't mind those attacking you they have not read her history. How she insulted everyone who advised her to follow her mother to her shop and learn a trade supported by one grace. She cursed and cursed said her level had passed shop girl.

She also insulted those who asked her to use her stylist skills and earn money she said she can't be making cheap cheap hair and that she is not " used to the Nigerian system " meanwhile she spent less than 5 years in South Africa oh.

Those emotionally blackmailing us to fund her entitled lifestyle you people should go and adopt her and her babies na since you can do a better job than her mother has been doing Despite Moji insulting and disrespecting her not to talk about disappointing her for years.
Go and fund her lifestyle WE WILL NOT GIVE HER MONEY NOT WITH THIS MENTALITY

Good for Nigerians they always fall for the drama

jaybee3:
Abeg if you don't mind ehn, I go like send you a small token just to encourage you further. Hard work pays and your efforts shall be crowned with sustainable growth..Insha Allah

PS: Send me a PM if you are comfortable with my gesture

Thank you very much for your gesture I really appreciate it.

However I am very financially comfortable my brother, just working extra hard so we can save for the rainy days and the period when work is slow. Plus this economic inflation.

Taking money from anyone would be wicked of me, I really appreciate this my brother.

jaybee3:
Exactly

It sucks that she isn't being realistic

We should only reward people that genuinely try not those that have a false sense of entitlement

It's hard to disregard her history of making poor choices hence why i've been going on about finding a lasting solution to her problem which obviously doesn't include money at this time

Money does not solve all problems

She doesn't want to work, she just wants to be taken care off by others who work. Give her money today she will be back demanding more.

She can't do hair because it will be too cheap

She can't work in her mother's shop because people who knew she went to South Africa will laugh at her she has passed that level

She can't learn full salon work because they hate her in the salon


But she can sleep with men for money and own tablet. As I am today I left my child barely a year and I am working in another town for a few days just for extra money to add to our earnings then I should carry my money I am sweating for away from my child and dash her

She sounds a lot like one lady who came here before.

I am guessing it is the same person.

She " married " a guy when they sent her to school in South Africa, he pushed her to prostitution she came back and refused to help her mother in her shop because people will " see her"

She was advised and counselled she resorted to insults then she wanted to return to her abusive ex who had not married her but she was referring to as her " husband ".


I think it's the same person same story line. She said she couldn't do local and cheap braiding because she doesn't understand the " Nigerian system " Tearoses will remember the story as she tried to counsel her to start small but the lady was having none of it.

She blames her mother for everything and feels entitled doesn't listen or take advise.

This mentality irritates me to no end.

Grown adult women waiting to be " taken care off" what a shame.

Same way I am irritated by a grown adult man waiting to be cooked and cleaned for.

You are both freaking adults sort your selves out. Every adult should financially take care of themselves and when they have a family financially be responsible to their family same way every adult should be able to cook and clean.

God forbid that any child I have marries a woman with this mentality and God forbid that a daughter I have will marry a grown man waiting to be fed and cleaned.

Raise your children to have sense biko

He obviously is not a disciple of safe sex while you wait for your money I hope you don't catch an infection that will require much more to treat.

This is a man with no morals if he won't feed his kids what makes you think he will ever refund your money.

Obviously you have no MoU or any paper work to show you lent him money

Poster I broke months of silence to respond to this post.

From the story and responses these are the issues I noticed

1. Your wife is one of those women who want traditional marriages where a man takes sole responsibility for them while they only cook and clean

2. Your wife married you just to be an atm, it is a mentality, it has nothing to do with loving or not loving you, if she marries another man she will go with that mindset. I am sure if we ask for her side now she will say after all she cooks cleans and takes care of the kids so what else do you want from her

3. You are a bit irrational: you are in a hurry to do things you don't normally sit and think through things before embarking on them eg have an action plan, a solid ome before you commence a project. I saw this with the printing job, normally you should sit and do am excel calculation of what you would need and mark them out as you go. You were probably born between April and May, see why we advocate for men to marry rational supportive wives not " cookers and cleaners"!. Now my husband is a bit like you, but when he starts a plan like that I am the one who goes on the computer put it all together, do the costing, bring out eventualities and break it down fully for him and based on that we can make informed decisions.


3. Your mother has too much influence on your home. Respect your parents but don't respect your wife any less, she has been slighted severally by your responses here, your mother cannot always be right regardless of how many times she prays. Your mother seems to want your wife to be the submissive iyawo who says Yes to everything she orders your wife may have started that way but got frustrated along the way hence her rebelling towards your mother's demands. Unfortunately for you, you got caught up and are still caught up in a fight between two women.

Right now believe it or not your mother thinks she has " won" hence her scaring you off visiting your in laws.


4. You owe your in laws that respect you came to pick their daughter from their house even if you are no longer interested at least go to their house and humbly inform them formally that the daughter they gave you has left.

5. Don't let ANYONE, not your wife not your people not your mother, not pride keep you away from your kids. Kids need more than money and clothes they need parental love and admiration, they look up to Daddy, at this age of their lives Daddy is a hero don't let anyone tell them a single story about Daddy being a villain and then you are not there to cancel that perception, even if it it is not full custody use whatever time you have with them well. If it is only weekends then take the weekends but be in your kids lives or you will regret it forever. Forget the crap about the kids looking for you later in life many men made that mistake but these days I have gone to several weddings where the father is alive but was not part of their lives so he was not even invited to the wedding and when invited plays no role.

I hope you saw the Stella Odua drama, may God forbid that you sit waiting for your kids to " come back" and your son tells you he rather be a bastard than be your son.


Now moving forward :

1. You need to develop a proper business plan; detailed from start to finish, costed one too, look for business plans on Google and domesticate them. Have a plan, don't make irrational plans because you are in a hurry to " make it"

2. Go and see your in laws, you are the head of your home not your mother or your people, your home breaks because of pride on both ends God will ask you why not your mother or anyone else. You are the head you are responsible, when Ever caused Adam to sin it was Adam God held responsible and queried.


3. If you and your wife resolve to dissolve the marriage after failing to make peace please for the sake of your kids don't be bitter adults, make the separation easy for them and work out a legal way both of you can have access to the kids and be sane parents. Don't bad mouth each other or make them take sides.

You are adults resolve your conflicts as adults so the kids won't suffer.

Good luck

Amb Ahmed Umar Bolori
August 22 at 5:45pm ·

Good day all,
I am here. Sorry for keeping you waiting. Thank you for your concern. I assure you that I will continue my good job of peace building and humanitarian interventions. I can remember very well that I once said 'Nelson Mandela is my brother', and many of you doubted me. To clear that, let me do as my brother Mandela did. He forgave those who (in his own case), arrested and detained him for several years. What followed? Brother Mandela forgot and forgave them. My brother was abused seriously. But because of his good heart of forgiveness and peace loving, that became a stepping stone for him and he became a global leader. Do you know that I am already taking his footsteps? Please listen to what I am about to say 'the Nigerian Army institution belongs to all of us, and nothing/no one will make us go against it as an institution. Of course, the servants who are there might be wrong and even worse. What's next? They will surely retire like Babangida, Gawon, Obasanjo and the rest did: even though they have reached its peak. Some like Ironsi, Abatcha, Murtala and so on died while serving. All of these have not and will not even in future make this institution cease to exist. The saying goes 'soldiers come, soldiers go, Barrack remains'. Amb Ahmed Umar Bolori has forgiven the Nigerian Army members for all they have done to him. But is at the same time cautioning them to keep to ethics and professionalism. Declaring him wanted was Wrong, very wrong. Do not repeat it again! Anyway, what has happened has happened. Let's learn from our mistakes. There's nothing wrong in learning from your mistakes, you are humans. Having the skills and privilege to shoot or bomb does not make you monsters. When you do the right thing, we will applaud you, when you do the opposite, we will criticize constructively. What has happened will never stop me from loving and demanding for peace. In fact, it's an interesting experience and as well, an inspiration to do more. You declared me wanted because I called on you to utilize Barrister Aisha Wakkil's,
(also known as Maman Boko Haram) relationship with her children to assist broker peace between government and them. So that we may enjoy peace. Another one was my media critism suggesting that you should try other alternatives since the military intervention seems to be taking longer time. Although we the bloody civilians (as you call us) appreciate your efforts even though we wish more... Please, always reach me when you need my service for the right thing. I have many ideas (which I shared plentiful of during my meetings with you last week). And I believe the ideas will continue to grow as I grow... And I'll always share it with you for peace to return. Finally, I will like to tell you that 'you know my house, office, you have my numbers, do not declare me wanted again. Invite me, and I will always answer and honor your invitation. Thank you




https://www.facebook.com/ahmed.umarbolori?fref=ts
Amb Ahmed Umar Bolori
Peace Ambassador at Universal Peace Federation International