₦airaland Forum

Job Application

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question was: "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway as, "Never got caught."

How Old Am I?

A guy's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I look?"

Looking her over carefully, he replied, "By your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen and your figure, twenty- five."

"Oh, you flatterer!"

"Hey, wait a minute. I haven't added them up yet!"

Dear nyabinghi,
perhaps davidylan does deserve your name calling - only problem is, these incidents, apparently embarrasing though they are to you, just keep on proving him right.
So what to do? Perhaps a reappraisal of what so easily sets these otherwise gentle folks, into raging demoniacs. Not hitting on David, dont you think?

My learned seniors,
have you guys noticed that since ts on fidelity was lifted, it dipped to 11.83 and has remained there ever since. Bought 4 my daughter at 8+ and thought it would go up post ts in order to take advantage. What do you guys think?

@topic,
Quite thought provoking. Sure would like to hear from the muslim brothers in the house on the matter

Surprise!

Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance.

She went to visit her mother for two weeks and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets.

A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen."

What It Would Be Like

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?"

"No, I don't waste time shopping. I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?"

"Are you nuts?! I haven't had my hair done in twenty years!"

"Well, I am not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

"That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after twenty years without shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Do You Smell That?

A few years ago, I was standing in the check-out line of a local clothing store with my then six-year- old daughter. While I was writing a check to pay for my purchase, my daughter began tugging on my jacket.

"Daddy," she said softly.

"Yes, baby?" I answered her.

"Do you smell something?" she asked innocently.

"No, I don't," I replied.

She got this evil little grin on her face as she said, "You will!"

Only yesterday, the deputy guvnor celebrated his wife's birthday in Abuja in a very grand style.

I have this sneaky feeling, the forum went off as a protest from an 'Ifeite' against the invasion from the unilag who added salt to injury by claiming - and wrongly too - that Unilag is the greatest.
Seun, abeg no vex u hear, na so Lagos people be esp he they don get small money or sense - e go enter dia head. So just make u 4gt this thread patapata & moderate other places so u can have peace.
Oya guys, roll dice - I don talk 2 seun.
wanajo, over

@aktopgun,
I couldnt have put it better - didnt know I had become addicted to this thread until Seun pulled his stunt. Was afraid I could get a heart attack, whew.
Wanajo, roughcut and the 'unilag' gang, pls hurry to the main issue o b4 seun has a relapse - not sure my heart will take it again o. Anyways,glad 2 see u guys back.
Seun, be gracious enuff 2 give notice b4 pulling such stunts again - or u wan kill person?

Lack of Confidence

Dobbins lost his eye in an accident and couldn't afford the price of a glass eye. So, he carved one out of wood, but he was so self-conscious that he never left the house.

Finally, his friend Eddy came over and forced him to go out. "There's a dance over at the club," he said. "So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?"

"All right," said Dobbins. "But if anybody makes fun of my eye, I'm leaving!"

He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. Then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback.

"She's worse off than me," Dobbins thought. "The least I can do is ask her to dance."

He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. "Would you care to dance?" he asked.

"Would I?!" she exclaimed.

"That does it," he shouted. "Hunchback! Hunchback!"

Setting a Record

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'"

"Well, no, but I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?"

"I don't think so, but it's as close as I want to get."

@fatherof2,
Thanks. What do you think of japaul - do I buy now or the price is high?

@mamaput
some food for thought there - about us being on their turf, that is. You sure have a way of saying it as it is; though I'm naturally not for 'railing against railing' anywhere, ur post sure helps in self checks. Incidentally, my kids are on Nairaland too & sure wouldnt want their Paw involved in dirty 'fights'. Thanks girl.
@jintujinta
tho I consider you a young man, but mamaput's got a point there, yes?

Many thanks wanajo. But what do you think about japaul - is it ok to buy now? My goal it to max my 500,000Naira investment which I put in nahco by feb 2008. So can I sell my nahco for japaul - or which other stock do you advise?
Grateful 4 ur time

I bought nahco @ 24Naira when the ts was just lifted. After a few days dip, its been on the rise. Will it continue its rise or Is it wise for me to sell now and buy japaul? I need the money in feb.
I shall appreciate ur kind advise pls - fatherof2, wanajo, pumping, et al, una dey there so?

@poster, so you are gay & you had the temerity to pretend concern and helplessness. O my goodness! I've also noticed that poster has been silent since the expose by romeo. In the event dear poster, that you are 'invisible', are ur parents aware of your sexual bent & escapades?
@y'all
enuff said on the topic, no? methinks the poster actually needs advice. And to think that from church to kuramo beach - aargh!!! And yesterday was sunday too-ugh

The issue remains:
Did IBB kill Dele Giwa?Simplicita.

dear dafidxone,
dont you ever get tired? Mohammed is long dead and gone, so why not let him be?

almondjoy, almondjoy, almondjoy. How many times I call you so? Make you cool ur temperature o. Afterall no be benin u take go school? Which wan

After reading your post, I googled dele giwa and came across a write up titled DELE GIWA: The silent fact by Max Gbanite up at this link
http://www.kwenu.com/publications/max/giwa_fact.htm
Now is it not possible that IBB may just be innocent? Are we not using our prejudices to becloud our reasoning? Or perhaps IBB fits our idea of who killed dele giwa even where no evidence has been found linking him?
After reading that article, it brings to the fore again, the info that my neighbor shared with me many years ago. For now, I'll keep restraining myself from divulging the details.
Did IBB really kill Dele Giwa? Is there
any impassioned contributor to this passionate matter out there?
(BTW - the neighbor became a guv in one of the south eastern states)

Be cool ol chap and quit worrying. Your parents know what to do - so wait for them to handle the same- it is their problem. Meanwhile, go read ur books, take care of ur younger uns & treat the maid nicely (dont throw her things out - you didnt employ her). Fret not, ur parents will soon come back

No I did not hear about the man. Who was he? My info was given me by a one time neighbor - who later became a state guv from 1999-2007 - who claimed he was one of the planners. We were young then & unmarried. I also recall then that soldiers used to come to see him in the night; we shared a twin duplex then & in the same compound with just one gate. Perhaps I should hear you out rather than share my info - only I had thought there could be another angle to this who killed Giwa stuff. Oh well, I suppose the question continues:
WHO KILLED DELE GIWA?

I'm not an IBB fan - but has anyone stopped to think that it is very possible he had no hand in it?
I've always believed he is innocent of the crime.
Isn't it possible he was killed by folks who were afraid he would expose them to the then NSO after failing 2 get his support in a plan to eliminate IBB?
This is no conspiracy theory pls - just some info I've had a week or two after Giwa's assassination

Good folks,
ehm dont you think we've abandoned the topic of the thread? Or perhaps it is because the reasons have been exhaustively dealt with & that's the reason 4 the digression?
Incidentally, this 'off topic' has been treated in various threads too - and so far, there are no new 'revelations' by this our antagonisms. Dont you kind folks think we should end this & move on? Getting boring, no?
Just a suggestion really.

Dear Nwando,
I dont know which part of my post suggests that one can lie because grace abounds. Read correctly, my post says, & I reaffirm:
lying is wrong in whatever situation. But if one has lied, repentance is necessary & as is in this case, restitution - ie taking action to correct the false records - must be done. Otherwise, such a one remains a sinner.
I trust this clarifies my earlier submission
Do have a great weekend ahead.

First Tattoo

Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip.

"Please don't tell my parents," she begged.

"I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"

"Honesty," she said.

Very funny pic there. It's not real, yes?

I know the Nitel people mentioned personally. Sad though I am, yet I'm not particularly surprised. Cornelius Adebayo shd stop whining - Edward Seidel, has a tab on them - quite a number of us were not impressed during his stint as the MOC, not with what we know. The probe should start & if not limited to siemens, there will be revelations aplenty!

Is it right to lie about ur age because of a job, etc. NO IT IS NOT. IT IS WRONG! Then, how about those who did and have since asked God to forgive them, though their false ages are still in the company's books?
It's good to seek 4 God's pardon for the wrong - but action must be taken to correct the books otherwise one is guilty for leading others to believe a lie. AND THAT MY FRIEND, IS SIN. So what to do? Never lie about your age (or anything for that matter). But if you have, seek God's forgiveness & correct the error of ur ways so as to be void of offence towards God and man.