₦airaland Forum

Worriedman40:
I am in deep mess,got married like two months ago and have not been able to have a regular erection,even when it comes it's usually weak that it can hardly penetrates.

When it does penetrate,it's still not hard enough that she cannot feel it and before you say jack,I have released already.
While I am feeling really beaten by it, needless to say that the love I thought we shared is becoming confusing as it is now "my problem",I am desperate and my self esteem is going down by the day.

I don't smoke,hardly takes alcohol,no sugar n sugary drinks,does exercises almost everymorning,never really mastubarted much before marriage either.

In theory I will think I should be alright but I am not,infact I think the erections are even reducing since marriage and as I begin to believe I have a problem,went for message for three days,the man suggested something pulled out and he has fixed it,but nothing is fixed...I am deeply worried.

Hate to see the look in my wife's eyes when I try and fail,it's like"I knew it wouldn't even work"the idea of romance is dying and it is affecting our whole relationship.

I posted this here because I felt this section have more matured audience as opposed to just more views,please, everyone,if you can help me with some suggestions I'd like it,I beg you.

You never mentioned a y thing related to getting medication and treatment

You have to seek medical attention and it's best you go with your wife because you need her cooperation to come out of it

You and her have to discuss it
If you handle it alone, you will be dying in silence

Whatever the case result is, she has to be there to understand how it's going to be properly treated


You will be placed on drugs amd if possible place on special diet of which she will be the one to prepare the meal

Such a situation can kill a woman desire for sex
So keep loving her and keep doing your best to make her happy

With maximum cooperation you all will come out with pregnancy

wildikeman:
That's nuts. I wish she had seen the signs and not even ventured into the marriage. No ine should have a say in a mans family once he is married . It should be between the man and his wife primarily

For the fact that they never wanted her in the first place, she should have turned back but she went on

Now they are doing everything to frustrate her

But if she calms down they will make up for all of them

caesymore:
My Dear, most mistakes people make in marriage is forgetting that you are not only getting married to just your spouse but the entire family. Hence, need for you to marry someone whose family is really in acceptance of you.
I'm happy that you are happily married, meaning you must have done something right, and I wish it continues so for you, a marriage is meant to be a small heaven on earth, with two people committed to making each others life pleasurable.
On the other hand respect is never served without demanding for it in most cases, I didn't support her sucking it all in and dying in silence sometimes you just let it out in a polite way so everyone will know their wings and respect go dey, most wicked in-laws will continue pushing you to the wall till you call it a quit. I only blame her for not keeping her Job which might cause a great hardship to her home.

Sorry I sounded rude before, was just pissed in regards to previous experiences I have encountered while counseling young couples in regards to keeping silent when being treated like thrash by in-laws.

Thanks dear, I appreciate your feedback response

Like you rightly said, you don't marry your husband and neglect his family, you marry all at ago because they are the ones you will still stay with till the end of life

May God direct them all

wildikeman:
Whats the family setting..she has no fault at all. They don't just like her simple. How can a man tell his child that he must care for his parents than he cares for his children. What nonsense

Do you know what he already promised his family before he couldn't put up amd went to marry
That's what part of family settings are

Is because his family is another set of crazy humans

How can a dad tell his son to face him ans his family before his

That's part of what we don't know

ChizzyBuna:
Money is very powerful
Money is more powerful than God

If you want a Lamborghini
Do you pray to God
Or
Do you take $300,000 dollars to a car dealership?
Which one is more faster to achieve?

We worship money more than we worship God.
Even the churches can't do without money
They collect offering, tithes, first fruit, seed, harvest, launching.

The main reason you go to school from nusery to university (15 years) is to get degree certificate that will qualify you for a job.
You get paid for your job.
If all jobs are free without money.
Nobody will go to school
School is all about earning money from a job.
Even to go to school and get good education you still need lots of money.

Money is our God.
Many of our pastors will decieve you that money is not everything.
But they request your tithe,offering and seed. No be juju be that??

Money is everything.
Money turned a lanky skinny old Buhari in 2015 into a fresh looking old man.

People kill their blood Brothers for money
People scatifice thier girlfriends for money
People kidnap for money
People comit all types of devilish crimes just for money ritual

Money is very powerful
Money is our God

Your headline is very misleading

Kelechi009:
You’re absolutely right honestly, this type of family, if I am the wife in question, I will prepare different types soups Oha and Ofensala, after eating it, so they can all die and let me and my husband be. The husband’s sister is obvious a witch and what is better than a small witch? Answer is a bigger witch.

Yes she is a witch
So she needs prayers and I mean aggressive prayers to handle a witch

She doesn't need to poison them

Her prayers will be the poison

ladej:
how will peace reign ?

That's why all this debate has been going on

caesymore:
I can bet my balls you are not yet married, just shut the Bleep up

By the time you are set for marriage, I doubt if you will stand the marriage rights

So start now to prepare

I am happily married and even when there is issues in the marriage, I register my displeasure and relax that's how we all do till we understood each other

Besides marriage is not bye force

Neither is it do or die affair

nairamaniac:
this is rubbish you wrote here.
I rather die brave than live like a coward each day&nite.

If my conscience is clear over an issue, I would rather face the heat &hate from every damn person.
Being ignorant or stupid isn't an excuse to be extended to any of my enemies.

The rubbish you wrote is cheap on talk

Pray to marry into such family then put your words into action

ladej:
an eye for an eye makes the world go blind

Ok. Naw

Let them all go blind let peace reign

chimeremodlyn:
What kind of stupid advice is this? Didnt you read the whole story

You that is extremely very stupid

Why not start afresh and read the whole story to see where your stupidity started.

Because you lack wisdom to handle marital issues that involves mother, wife and sister. And who are dey dragging, the man

I usually support women who are being treated bad, I make sure I fight for them but that doesn't mind I should not pick points where necessary

MOVIC6:
I see Abit sense here but the whole work lies on the man and not the woman, same thing happened to my mum and like you said, she gave no listening ears to their nonsense, stayed on her own, did what she's meant to do and now she's the most successful inlaw, most educated, most sorted out inlaw and I'm proud of her.
The lady is not the problem but the family is, there's a bad family sometimes, there's a bad father or mother inlaw, there's a bad sister-in-law or brother-in-law, the woman ain't the problem

I have not said that the lady is the problem of the family neither have I said that the man is the problem

If you read carefully from the first post

They never wanted her

The whole family are just something else

Now they didn't greeted her when she had her first child

So does that family look like a family that value relationship, but for the sake of her happiness and her child

She has to relax, she has proved to them that she too she get her own

But for how long will the fighting competition continue

Meanwhile under all this mess, am sure it has affected her love life

By now she should be on her second or third pregnancy

But all this Bruhaha is affecting she and her husband

I didn't say she should go to her Inlaws to apologize

I said she should start calming down

What if her husband
whom we can see have no mind of his own decides to have a side chic to cool off temper amidst this drama and she becomes pregnant

His family will welcome the side chic with open arms to the detriment of the wife

Now tell me, who is going to be the worst hit

randymirrors:
No ma. I don't take nonsense, that's my personality, everyone around me knows it. I can't pretend or change and don't plan to. No in-law can try to maltreat me cos I give people the exact treatment they give to me.

Maybe it's because of the experience my mum had with her sister in-law and mother inlaw. They both showed her shege and till today, I always regret that I was too little to understand or defend her.

I also know that all the maltreatments my mum got was due to her quiet personality. She doesn't know how to fight and is very humble.

One thing I always tell myself is that, I'll never go through what my mum went through.

I've always been the one to protect my siblings against threats (perceived or real). By nature, I'm bold. I'm fearless. I walk alone on lone roads at night, close to midnight and leave home by 4am without looking over my shoulders. Now tell me, do I look like someone that can't handle 10 witches disguising as sister In-laws at a time?

Well till then

Ndubuisipaul1:
I disagree with you 100% . No woman has the right to interfer with her brothers marriage. She is a devil .

You just blamed this innocent woman without pointing out that her husband sister is maaad

Pray not to meet crazy in laws

You are a man and may not understand

I never said I blame her in all my mentions

But I said she should cool down

She is the one all this madness is affecting and she is the one in question

Whats wrong if she hands down at this point

Will you ever use fuel to quench fire or water

To what end is all these for gid sake

If that man is no more, she will go back to her father's house

Is that one better

Do you think her husband is happy with the whole situation

Anyway it's her cross

stevups:
You are a great psychologist. That's a fact!

Waooo
What an appraisal
Thanks dear

MurderX:
She was probably unwell, the guy did the right thing.

Autopsy will be conducted on her to be sure she didn't take any drug

Her private part will be examined if there was fluid which will still determine, if despite her complain of weakness, if there was any penetration by the guy or he just left her be, because she complained of weakness

If everything comes out next negative them the hiy is free

But am glad he surrendered himself to prove innocent

randymirrors:
Which gra gra did she display? If this is gra gra to you then it means you use a dummy/doormat approach in handling difficult situations. Somebody that I see as being weak and lacking self confidence. If she had a strong personality, no woman born of man will try such nonsense with her. In- law or not.

When you marry, you will under the politics in marriage

VTJN:
only weak Men family can try such. Even if i get married to the most useless woman on planet earth, my family will not try that with me. They know the implications. As a single guy apart from the fact that i don't tolorate nonesense. They already know that i won't joke with my wife and kids in the future. The very day my family try this, they will all exit this life and i will stand for the consequences

Who does that? Anyway, they dey look face before they try shit sha

Until you get married then you will understand why men gets confused when it comes to the two women in their life

Mother and wife

As you are boasting that your family can't just come into your life in your marriage because you will deal with them

What if your wife decides to deal with you, knowing that you have already placed your parents and sibblings not to be ear your home?

So who will you invite

You think marriage is audio talk ?

lakesider2006:
sensibe comments

Thanks dear

lifenajeje:
May u continue to be blessed with wisdom ..

I don't need to read any other post

U have said it all..


Op take this advice ..

It's time for u to stoop and conquer ..

I adviced my cousin's wife whose record with the family was absolutely bad ..

She gives fire raise to power hell to issues and it caused her a lot ..

Following my advice she apologised to everyone ..

She no dey talk pass herself

Na them dey rush am now ..

Family whahala no be gra gra

Na sense them.dey use for the matter .

Thanks for the prayers my dear

Op is out for them but not prepared to face the consequence

She will have to surrender hence everything will affect her husband and she will be feeling the heat while the family will be pouring fuel on it

She doesn't even know how prepared they are

And untill she gives up, they won't surrender

zedegit:
The Bible said, "Suffer not the witch to live."

Need anyone tell you that the sister in law is a witch?

I won't be surprised if she has hand in their downfall.

Assuming that you sister in law is a witch

Is Op prayerful

Did you come across where Op mentioned how she has prayed several times about her situation

Anyway it's not late for Op to use prayers to tackle the spiritual

Juliearth:
While your submissions make sense, you need to understand that the resentment the sister has towards her goes beyond that text. Remember that she hated her even before meeting her. I can say the same for the family too (even though they masked it).

I won't advise op to leave, but op should develop a thick skin. Op should keep an open mind and should not expect the fairytale marriage she has pictured in her head. That may come later, but for now, she needs to face the situation on grou d wuth an open mind. For in-laws of this sort, op should be prepared to prove herself as a worthy wife. Op should get a job or set up a business and get back to supporting her husband so he wouldn't have to fall back on his sister.

Yes that's right

prewtyjulie:
To be honest with u, I briefly went tru wat u n op had been posting n from what I can deduce, she's not as innocent as she wants 2 claim. By not being innocent, I don't mean she's d cause of d whole drama, but she has played a part to fuel it maybe unknowingly.

You don't marry a man alone, not in africa, u r in fact more married to his family than d man. She's unfortunate to have a bitter sister in law dats all out for her, but engaging her is where she got it wrong. Her best bet would av been to find a way to make d most troublesome one her friend or since her mother in law is alive to make her like her more so she can be at peace in her home.
God forbid if something happens to her husband 2moro, wat den bcomes her faith, she would see hell amongst d living.
Your advice for her to call a truce is d beat option for her, a simple text message to her sister in law, would solve it all. D woman will feel she has won, n she in return will get d peace she craves.

Marriage is a lot, but with God's help n wisdom she will overcome

You just helped me to buttress my point

Op is hot ans she has to calm down to fit in properly

Your sister in law is the boy e in the neck, so you have to trade with caution

kaludestiny10:
Words of an elder. Your advice is on point and I hope op will adhere to it. Hebrews 12:14 says, follow peace with all men and holiness without which no one will see the lord.

May God direct her accordingly

omaira:
True or Fasle ?.

Centered with the daily routine criminal activities in the state, Visitors seems to be nothing but prey in the hands of the predators whom are the citizen of the states.

The central community in the state’s capital commonly known as Tombia is the hideout for these predators as the prepare their nest awaiting the visitors who have little or no knowledge about the unsafe place he could be standing waiting for the next cab to pick him up.

The unruly character of the females in that state is so appalling as every girl above 16yrs old is a walking object for sex. All they want is meet Mr A to feed them for breakfast, Mr B to feed them for lunch and Mr C to feed them for dinner whilst the so called serious boyfriend soles responsibility is to feed the girl’s family… haaaaaaaaa!! This is so irritating.

You take care of bills, bills, bills and u wonder what kind of family is this

This is not excluded to females who are married as Bayelsa as a town does not have a culture that restricts the married women from committing adultery.

Should I go down the list … not forgetting the fact that these people actually have nothing to offer to you as a man.

Bayelsa is the worse place to live in a a guest.

You are absolutely right

It was the same thing inexperienced there

Their men love women and their women don't mind sleeping with men just to feed

Security is just loose, the youth smokes and drinks and goes to club as if they have a roll call there

Sex is just the simpliest thing you can get there

No job, no prospect or no plans for the upcoming youths, once they finish secondary school, you join the bad gang

And they are very very lazy to go for apprentice of any trade or job

Nothing interesting to invest there
The business that is sustaining the state are established by the Igbo men

They don't have a spear part market, so they rely on Onitsha spare parts market

They go to Onitsha main market to shop for clothes as they don't have a main market like Lagos and Onitsha

The have just one dual carriage road that leads to Yenagoa and out of Yenagoa
So if your car is stollen and you are fast to get to the check point at toll gate, the police security men will catch the car thieves because that's the only route in and out of the state

I was there on official assignment for three years and I weep for that state

I don't wish to go there for anything

All my stay there I lodge in a hotel all through because of safety

Freedomlurther:
I'm typing this with tear in my eyes,I am a failure I failed myself too many times and Ive lost count,I'll be 25 this year and I'm a total waste,how did I get here?

I swear I can't even answer that question myself I have never been addited to anything in my life,no drugs no gambling or any sort of thing that could put me put my life pinry...I left school 2020 since I couldn't met up financially few months ago I posted a trend on nairaland of how happy I was my late mom sis reached out to me from UK and asked to go back to school,luckily I was reinstated back by the school...

I stopped my factory work, I went back to school and started from 200level I was glad because I just want to get a degree....

I sold my phone and everything ( I sold all on nairaland)... because I had to complete registration,this my evil mom sis kept promising me she'll send me something and she never did and it's over 4months now.

I sleep in school classes I don't even have anything,I paid my school fee already with the things I sold very cheaply here on nairaland.
I attended Osun state university so my fee is arou 234k.

I already gave up on schooling but this evil woman pushed me and now I'm confused as I don't even have a phone I fall literally sick everytime...
I curse my mom sis any day I wake up because I wake with pain and fear...

I have literally lost my way I don't know what to do anymore I'm totally confused,I'm depressed I seriously need a miracle and food,I swear on my mom's grave I have not had anything to eat in 2days...

She won't reply me,I text on whatsapp with people's number cuz I don't have a phone again, once I introduce myself she'll just say I'll get back to you everytime,and that all and not even one as she sent me a dime...I explained everything to her that I sold my phone because I believed her...
Now I don't even know what to do as I have no one to run to....if you are in osogbo and you can help me with something to eat Ill be so glad.

Your advices will also go a long way,as I'm in a delima wether to go back to lagos and continue my factory work or to finish this second semester.

This one is very deep

Do you have siblings you could reconcile with to assist you with feeding then during holidays you look for sites to hustle

You can't just drop out of school for the second time and write again for the school to accept you back

They will think you are not serious

Look a man goes through a burning furnace of life to be able to stand well

You are passing through yours and you don't have to give up

Honestly you don't have to

santakris:
What is next when a marriage reach this stage?

Its part of the marriage and there is no big deal about it because such is done to pass a message

Its now left for you to resolve that lingering problem that lead to such act of display

nicej2:
Dear Nairalanders, i am not really good posting my issues online. But this time i need your advise.

I have been married for 9 years now and my sister inlaw has been living with us( I, my wife and the kids) for the past 6 years now, although I am not always around.
I have never imagine any negative thoughts toward her. I always see her like my younger sister, i have been taken care of her. She is 28 years old and I can't really says if she have a boyfriend cos I haven't see one around her. She is a boss in her working place but yet i foots all her bills in the house without bothering anyone, including my wife that is also a boss .Until of recent she started wearing seductive clothes around the house, Some how i started developing feelings for her As if she knows, she continues wearing those clothes and started showing more caring towards me.
I can't believed that i am having feelings for my sister inlaw cos i am a disciplined man to the core. Even during university days girls do come to my apartment passed a night without molesting them. I am well brought up. But is like that disciplined man in me started degenerating as i began to see this girl in my dreams.
There was a night i returned from travelled, i started feeling the urge to go to her room. My wife almost cought me that night cos we lives in 3 bedroom, I have my own room, my wife have her own and my sister inlaw have her own room. So we sleep in separate rooms except some occasions my wife decided to stay in my room. That night i was pimping through her door. I have been trying to control my feelings and I believed the reason why I have not sleep with her is because i am not always around and I also the fear of traditions implications of sleeping with sister inlaw . And my wife is not helping matters, she can leave both of us alone in d house and go to all night church program and the children will be sleeping.

I don't really know what to do. Should I tell my wife so that we can get her accommodation or just let the sleeping dog be. Though I don't really want her to leave cos is my wife and the children are alone in the compound. I just want to kill that urge before I return from travel.

Sorry for the long episode ..😀

There is no way you won't fall for this and the only way to escape it is for you to discuss with your wife on how you guys have to get a self contain apartment for her

The reason is that, she will be on her own so that she can be free to find a suitor for herself

If you have agreed with your wife, then you guys will invite her and discuss it with her

But you are already a the point of sleeping with her if you don't apply caution or discipline

Now think of the respect the whole family have for you and how you will just mess up things just because of what you could have avoided

Women will always tempt men and most times it's done with ulterior motives

BrighterThanDay:
The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

My dear, sorry for all these nonsense drama
Pray to God

BrighterThanDay:
Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

My dear sister, don't regret anything because every marriages goes through teething problem

Assuming your husband have to strength to fight for you he will shut them up and you will gain your ground

But he is just confused I won't call him a weakly

But pls be calm the storm will soon be over

Just focus on your child and if possible become pregnant for the second child and pray to God to calm the storm

Your husband family may not be exposed enough to know that they should stay away from intruding into your home

ChybuzzDD:
You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

If you read my post again, you will see where I wrote that the man is confused

Secondly I also wrote that she doesn't know the family settings before she cane to the family and she doesn't know why all the family members are dragging her husband

That man has so much affection with his parents and siblings

It will take the grace of God to make him face his wife and daughter not by fighting or quarreling

I did not support her husband for his attitude but I read where she said that her husband protected her when the sister said she has to go

She should just cool down to gain her husband not by gragra