₦airaland Forum

Bekeey:
Good morning my people, please pardon my grammatical errors and long writeups. I'm curiously in need of your help to help me decide if I should confront her or not. This is the problem, traditionally I got married to my wife this January 2023 and by grace of God our wedding is coming this July 2023, our IV is already out, we have got 45% of the Wedding needs already, like Asobi clothes, her own clothes and my clothes too, we have also booked for Decorations, DJ, MC etc.

So, here is the issue that I need to confront her or probably council the Wedding because since I got noticed what has been going in my absent, I wasn't myself for past 3days, I am emotionally exhausted. Here is the problem, there is thus guy that always call her late in the night from 10pm, whenever I asked her who was that, she always tell me is just a friend that they have known right from secondary school, that she knows her girlfriend that nothing is between them. I asked her,did he know that you are married, she said of cause, he is aware. I said OK, that day passed, so the call kept coming same time 10pm but not everyday. Later I began to notice that the guy doesn't call in the night again maybe because she have asked her not to call her by that time again. So 3days ago, I had access with her phone, my brothers and sisters, I was shocked, behold the person that told me she has nothing to do with him that is just a friend. All there conversation in that chat was sweetie, sweetie, that's what they call each other. Though, I found out my wife doesn't give him that chance that she's only interested to eat his money because I saw a receipt of 20k he sent to my wife. The guy was seriously asking for her nude videos which she didn't send to her but she instead sent him stickers. The guy will send her some videos showing her how he will sock her breast, and one hot round of sex, my wife will just replied him OK. Last chat my wife chatted him was where she is begging him for 50 to 100k to pay back by June. She don't have anything doing, I wonder where she will get the money to pay him back. Till now the guy have not replied him. I can say she has not started cheating on me because, she just relocated from Awka to Abuja where I leave and she doesn't know anywhere yet. She is always at home. So where I'm confused now is, is she sending him her nude and delete it at instant or she is just playing ▶️the guy? Even at that, as a married woman 👩did she suppose to engage in such conversation with a man? And she is already pregnant, 16weeks pregnant precisely.

Please house, what should I do in this situation, should I confront her or to keep monitoring her but the fact is, it still disturbs me why my wife a married woman should be having such discussions with a man.

Honestly you have to confront her and if she refuses to give you full detailed explanation how she got that 20k and what she intend to do with that 50/100k she is requesting from him

Just suspend the wedding let us know if she is ready for marriage or she has to be freed to go and finish her unfinished business

When a woman is married and still have plans to collect a guys money

One day she will pay in one way or another
By the time she develops this bad attitude, she will upgrade to another level

You married her in January this year,, is she not supposed to stop such communication assuming she has know the guy before marriage

If you don't stop some certain nonsense at this stage you may be in charge of your happiness

Quiteparrot:
I'm married with four kids (5/13 years), my wife is from Edo State while me a Yoruba. There was a little misunderstanding between us lately when she told me that she will soon start to teach my children her language , I objected to this which made her feel bad . My children barely understand my language and can't speak at all because we all speak English at home but my wife understand Yoruba at least by 30% . I won't like it when they start speaking a language I don't understand under my roof. I'm trying to teach my kids Yoruba but my unavailability at home isn't helping matters. I don't think I'm being selfish in this case because it will be lovely if all of us speak Yoruba than only me being left out, this is one major thing I don't like in an intertribal marriage

Incase you don't know or understand very well

By nature your children will hear and speak mother tongue before your language

Get that straight

So it now depends if you will join them or left alone

As for your language
You have to be the one to teach all of them

But if you are feeling too high at home
Both your wife and children will frustrate your language both teaching and earning

farous:
Please is there anything wrong that husband,wife and children all have and sleep separately in their respective rooms and bed.

Most husband and wife who share same bed are having closeness and bond between them or what can be called martal bed.

When you see husband and wife sleeping in the same room and same bed all the night
Despite the wife having separate room

They must have been relating like friends and lovers that always wants to be together

It still give them room to bond with each other and love each other more

While those who sleeps in separate rooms don't really bond like the other

That doesn't mean they don't love themselves, they do but they just want space

ValeeLove:
First sentence: How do you know?

That's how it works by nature

What were you expecting

Makakween:
Yes we discuss about what we want to do but he never agrees with what I want to do at that moment even if it's very important,he would always look for ways of not to acknowledge it, it's always his way or nothing else, he's always saying he knows what is best for me. And i am expected to find a way to start the particular process on my own without support from him self.

I know the number of ideas I have had just to start up something for myself but it is never accepted by him 😔 even I am exempted from certain people as well even though this are the people helping me out. It's my fault for not standing my ground on the marriage not happening, because right now everything we agreed on before marriage has been terminated by him.

Assuming he is showing love to you and your child, then that will be fine

I think he doesn't want you to do anything yet he doesn't care about you

Its time you involve your parents and if possible his parents too if you are in good terms with his parents

Makakween:
Good evening nairalanders,well like I said in my previous post I usually use the money from my salary to get things at home because the money my husband gives me isn't enough I wasn't it made saving hard but nevertheless I had no choice,cos each time I ask him for money to get things including baby things he gets angry and tells me he doesn't have money,but surprisingly the same person who doesn't have money goes around doing things that amount to much.
Now like this I am really frustrated and really confused I have gotten the items I need but few are still remaining, don't have anything in my account anymore to help me get them, the cashless policy really dealt a huge blow to me, since most soup and stew items vendors don't do transfer...I know everyone is having it hard but with this rate if I keep shut I would certainly loose it totally. Your comments and advice on what to do will really help cos I discovered that each time I read your comments I get certain ideas and I really take them seriously God bless you all.
Ahnie.
Frozen70.

Sorry for dragging this post
But am still wondering why you are stranded as a married woman who has a child for her husband

Does he starve you guys or he neglects you guys

Do you normally prove stubborn to him or what exactly is the problem or cause of the people

Have you ever sat him down to discuss family matters

Fiscus105:
I have learned how to blame myself first before anything and anybody, long time ago, that has been force making not to cross my boundaries. If everyone can be doing that, the world will have peace more than what we are withnessing.


A married woman wants to hang out with another married man........ U HARDLY WARNED HER, WHEN YOU SHIFTED MORE BLAMES ON MEN BEDDING MARRIED WOMAN.

bye.

Good bye

Fiscus105:
I read it clearly and understood it.........last last you still blamed the consequence that might arise on men as usual.

Men this day dnt know if a woman is married, whenever they like her, they would like to go down with her

That's ur words...... nothing stop you to blame OP alone and not shifting blame to men for OP foolish steps she about to take

I don't need to blame anyone one rather I will caution the woman

Besides when a man plays his role at home, I can't see any reason why a married woman will seek for help from a married man who plays his role

And if she is still misbehaving while you as a man have played your role and you ha e a prove that she is misbehaving

Take her back to her family and defend the reason of bringing her back

No one will blame you

But if a man is really irresponsibile, what do expect

You should expect nonsense

Fiscus105:
Are women this day know that they are married, by not going off their boundaries?

*Married woman pressuring man that not her husband for money and gifts.
* Married woman sending her pictures for man which is not her husband on social media.
*Married woman having male bestie outside marriage.
*Married woman going out on harmless date with man.

Read second to my last paragraph

MrAgbako:
The guy is too soft. To the point of going on a radio program to beg someone that had already move on. Hahahaha

Yes though
But this situation he is now will refine him if not he is the real weakly

Lamanii22:
Okay sis, thank you 🙏😉

Welcome dear sis

LivingSage:
Very thoughtful

Yes dear

KanuSE:
No one is feeling any heat, y'all are just showcasing your insecurities...period!

She's an adult therefore can't be told what to do. I trust her.

Am glad you trust her, make sure you don't come and say you don't trust her again

Lamanii22:
Or it’s the beginning of adultery


Ever since I sealed it with my husband I stopped giving out my numbers to guys, my phone barely rings lol…

Recently I met a man at my university who's elderly and as well married he asked for my number i did give him cause he may be of help cause he works in the federal parastatals… and he is top in his dept….


He said he wants us to be friends and all, he wants us to go out on a date, I actually gisted my husband about him and all but didn’t tell my husband he wants us to go on a harmless date….


I’m just tryna guard my heart, maybe it’s best I don’t go… or maybe there’s something called harmless date or that harmless could be harmful

Advices needed thank you….

The truth is that, there is nothing like harmless date because one day that harm will go down

So if you are married don't go for any nonsense and just don't go on any harmless date because that's where that nonsense will start

Before you know it, you will start feeling for him

Men these days doesn't want to know If a woman is married, once they liked you the next thing is to go down with you

If you are discipline you can resist them

shantti:
And it's okay if he uses the same kids as his next of kin instead of u, right?

He actually uses his children as next of kin and I supported it

So we are ok using our children as next of kin

MasterJayJay:
Try and use your smartphone for more research. Next of kin has nothing to do with inheritance

My smart phone doesn't have details about Nigeria system of family relationship details and how to handle family matters using Nigeria as a case study

What Hakimi did was for Europe and people were laughing about it because it's a white man issue

If Hakimi is a Nigerian and lives in Nigeria and practices Nigeria customs and traditions

He won't use his mum and if he does that, people will feel his mum has tied him down

But he did what he did because he knows that the law in Europe supports women

While the law in Nigeria doesn't untill she fights her way

KanuSE:
You don't have to reply if you wouldn't have an intelligent discourse.

DrAbdulSuleman:
My wife is jealous about my friendship with another woman and doesn’t want me to hang out with this supposed friend anymore .

You just don't want peace

Why are you keeping female friends after marriage

Is she keeping her male friends too

Anyway if you can't stop it
Tell her to keep her own male friends too

Let's see who will feel the heat 🔥

Spiritualsdeeps:
I want to suggest paternity test should be taken immediately at birth.

Infidelity is on the Increase, Heartless being..

Based on the below.
https://www.nairaland.com/7652590/father-tears-dna-test-confirms/1#down

What do you think ?

Where some people can't afford hospital bills, what will make him talk about paternity test

We only talk about it when somethings go wrong in the relationship

MasterJayJay:
Next of kin doesn't mean the person that will inherit your property.

Next of kin is your closest relative that can easily be contacted in cases of emergency.
Example of wrong use of next of kin: You got involved in a car accident and you used your 8 year old as next of kin when your spouse is still alive. How can your child be of help in such a scenario better than your spouse?

If you want your properties to be shared to specific people, then write a WILL.
If you die without a will, the court will give the surviving spouse one third of the properties while the children share the rest equally.

Next of kin is the same thing every where it is applicable

It could be who to contact when accident occurs

It could be who to benefit from you when death occurs

It could be who will act to sign on something in a situation where your can't be reached or accessed

Then In a situation you mention about a minor being next of kin, we use discretion in such situations

But basically, it settles more on inheritance

LivingSage:
The thread asking who should be next of kin to a man graced FP and I think to balance the equation, there's reason for this as well.

Honestly in my own case, my children are my next of kin

My husband can decide to pregnant another woman and marry her

Or he may decide to marry another woman

So my properties maybe claimed by such woman thinking it's the man's property

So once my children are my next of kin, so far am still alive it belongs to me and my husband

But if am not there it belongs to them all, at least they will have something from their mother

Obavoh:
Out of my 4 children, it is only the first born I buy clothes for and he passes it down to his younger ones once he outgrows them.

It saves me a lot of money s children clothes are expensive.

I bought few girl clothes for my only daughter but most times she wears her brothers clothes.

A lot of people say it is very bad and it will make her a tomboy. Please is this true?

She is already going to be a Tom boy

Well as she grows stick to girls dresses for her

edoncast:
My ex who i was not yet married to came to my house in my absence to pack my things away .

She had a son for me and he will be 5 years next month .She packed on january 10th when i was in the office. That day she packed ,she still called to ask for money to refill gas which i sent. Later in the evenning ,i called her on my way home to inform her i was hungry ,she replied and told me she already left .I rushed home and find out she actually did .I have visited my son more than 6 times after they left on january 10th .

A week after ,she came to carry my wall fan and my stabilizer .I have to let that go because i was careless not to have changed the key .

I have made several attempts to reconcile though i didnt beat her or maltreat her .Her only problem with me was that i neglected her families and sometimes rude to them .This is a lady we have been cohabiting since 2013 when i helped her for admission into my school.

None of her relatives have contributed a dime to her for the ten years we were together .I will only appreciate her mum for her efforts while she was alive .She is the last born with a sister and a brother .

I was once a good boy to their family when i was doing very fine then .Things went bad when i stopped been nice to their families and her brother ,sister husband and her sister ganged up against me .


I called her 2 days ago that i needed to see my son and she said i should wait for her in Pen cinema Agege TFC.While i was waiting ,they were in my house with a car to pack the underlisted items ! Please ,what should i do ?She told my sister was flaunting my new girl on social media including my whatsapp status but she doesnt want to come back to me ..no be juju be that ? This is someone i went to a radio programme for .The presenter even called her to come back to me which she promised the man.My relatives too took so many steps but failed.




Make una help me beg her to bring my documents and flash .Abi make i paste her no here ?

They met my new gf at home and packed all my things .My gf called me but they have left before i could get home .My sister told me to leave everythimg foe her to allow peace reign that she will return the documents and flash later but i dont trust that bitch .Imagine my gf told me her sister was the one shouting CARRY EVERYTHING !HE CANT DO ANYTHING ..They even attempt to remove my TV but my ex told them there was no time again cos i might meet them at home .

These are the things carted away .Those items marked have been replaced that day and yesterday .The one with red mark are yet to be retrieved or gotten back .


My gf power bank ✅
50k ❌
Mattress ✅
Iron✅
Gas ✅
Pots and all kitchen utensils✅
All my certificates ❌ including NYSC .i have the soft copies in the flash she even took
My pictures❌
Foodstuffs ✅
Drugs ❌ like PCM,ampiclox,flagyl and so on
Diaries ❌
Waste baskets ✅
Packer ✅
My son clothes from cradle till 4 years ❌
My baths ✅
Electric blender ✅
Toasting machine❌
My clothes ❌
Stabilizer ❌
Wall fan ❌
Shoe rack ❌
Small android phone ❌
Android charger ✅
My id cards 4 ❌
My company bank statements ❌
Frying pan❌
My company diaries ❌
Wall clock ❌
Flash drive ❌ This is the mmost cherishable items and i am sure you know why

I think you should make a police report with the listed items and tell the police to take the matter to court

Once you take the matter to court they will serve them notice and that is where their stubbornness and stupidity will stop


Forget about your child which she will use as a weapon

That will take care of itself

Once they see that you have gone to court
Make sure she returns every thing then you guys can think of making peace

But I will not advice you to get back with her on any relationship

Makakween:
Good evening nairalanders,well like I said in my previous post I usually use the money from my salary to get things at home because the money my husband gives me isn't enough I wasn't it made saving hard but nevertheless I had no choice,cos each time I ask him for money to get things including baby things he gets angry and tells me he doesn't have money,but surprisingly the same person who doesn't have money goes around doing things that amount to much.
Now like this I am really frustrated and really confused I have gotten the items I need but few are still remaining, don't have anything in my account anymore to help me get them, the cashless policy really dealt a huge blow to me, since most soup and stew items vendors don't do transfer...I know everyone is having it hard but with this rate if I keep shut I would certainly loose it totally. Your comments and advice on what to do will really help cos I discovered that each time I read your comments I get certain ideas and I really take them seriously God bless you all.
Ahnie.
Frozen70.

You would have post this on the same previous post Instead of opening a new post

saphiere:
Please drop your answer with reasons.

For me, I'd say his wife.
My reasons;
1. His wife takes care of his children.
2. He grows old with his wife.
3. His mum might die before him.
4. His wife is always there by him.

A man's next of kin is supposed to be his wife

In Nigeria, we don't have the kind of mentality the whites have,
Where by their wife goes after wealth and gain 50% of a man's property

In Nigeria we have rooted culture that expects the wife to remain in the marriage and work together to support the husband and also contribute to the growth of the family

The Government of the foreign countries, has a way of training another man's child incase of nonsense Happenings and even adopt the child, their government cares for them too

But in Nigeria if the father fails the mother is not expected to fail too because those children are looking up to their parents

Onetenth:
My biggest advice here is

*Fear the power of polygamy
*Give your children the best education they want
*Don't be too pissed to lay curses at your kids on any slight provocation.

My story won't be long

I believe every downfall I probably might have encountered or still encountering is because of the above examples.

This has affected me to the stage that a 28years guy like me can't boast of being a man in the house despite being the eldest presently.

I have failed in all ramifications, and I'm scared I might still fail. I don't give up easily, but I'm just pouring out my mind here so as to give advice and also receive some advice in return.

Imagine someone promised to give a car to me for e-hailing only for them to give someone else who they claim is a family, while I was running around to finish my documentation with them. I have so depended on them.

Just this morning I withdrew cash from pos to pay a VIO agent who wants to help me with my driver's license. Only for me to realize I was scammed by this man. He told me he works at VIO at yaba office because that is close to my side. I met him this morning at jibowu underbridge to handover the cash to me, and he told me to come back at 1:00pm for documentation and biometric only for me to call him and I realized his number was also saying busy, then later not available. I went to ask of him at VIO office I was told no one bears his name.

I'm back to square one again, lookin g for another money to do the drivers license, I got home just now I was told my son is ill. No cash on me as a father, I have failed.

Life is unfair, it is well..

Just don't birth another child till you find your bearing

Wenonawde:
Okay thanks 👍

uh

Wenonawde:
Am planing to relocate to Ogun state with my family due to work, please how much should I budget for 3bedroom flat around redemption camp or near by estates close to redemption camp.

You know because of the negative news from that axis

You can still try fi d accommodation around Mowe or Ibafo

May be it will be cheaper and puts you between Lagos and Ogun boundary

Dearlove2me:
Have you ever been in a situation where you find it difficult to let go even when the situation is not making you happy?

Have you ever been with a partner with bad behavior and they are not ready to change and you're force to divorce and walk away, but deep down, you wish they could change for good, because you want a better life?

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly nag your partner out of the house,but still wish they're safe. And want them back safely?

What of living with a partner where love, affection romance and all that are absent because your partner's bad character irritate you?

What did you do?

Could this emotional feeling, be a feeling that keeps people in an unhealthy marriage for the rest of their lives?
Did you walk away or did you stay even when you have no solution?

Does divorce really mean you've failed?

Once there is no threat to life especially for married ones, I will stay and keep pushing knowing that one day he will change especially when children are in that marriage

But if it's just friendship, I will close his chapter when I can no longer tolerate such

Animegirl:
So my friend cooked a meal for us this evening and it was really horrible. The pepper, salt and maggi was too much. Please I do I tell her to cook better without making her feel bad?

When you want to tell people the truth about them and forget about sentiments and how they will react to it

Simply tell her that you don't normally enjoy her cooking because it contains too much salts and pepper

I will appreciate you watch YouTube channels on cooking so that you cam learn better ways of cooking particular meals

That's all, what's difficult there
Inshot, that will seat her up and she will start making efforts to improve

ExAngel007:
https://www.lindaikejisblog.com/2023/4/short-man-undergoes-painful-surgical-procedure-to-increase-his-height-2.html

Imagine his worries and problem

Every mallam with his own kettle

From your narrative everything about your marriage and success in life is located abroad

That does not mean that you should not fall in love here in Nigeria

If that is the case, go abroad first

Settle down

Search for friendships and go into relationships

If you get any there fine

If you don't get, you relocate the one you have here abroad

Get your marriage or wedding done in abroad

Have your children abroad

Settle down in abroad

By so doing, you have fulfilled righteousness and your Destiny

engrrichie92:
People get married because of several reasons
I did because I thought I met my partner in destiny...we shared similar vision, goals and aspirations at the time

But 1 year down the line, marriage ain't meeting my expectations at all
It is all about the woman...what she wants and how you must always meet her needs, how you have to make sure she's always happy
The thing here is ...it never ends

Have I spoken to my wife?
Yes, severally
But she never seems to understand me...
Now I realise why men just go mute over the years...we are not quiet, we are just tired
Tired of saying thesame thing without getting result so we would rather just keep quiet

The new song is "I want a child..." and then comes with the child has to be born in US, etc

I am honestly tired in advance
Sometimes I think of leaving this house and not coming back
I pretend to be happy to make her happy...but honestly I am not

Marriage is hard!

You never knew that marriage has its own challenges

Its now dawning on you that you are in for it

Well get her pregnant first and once that is done, that's when she will resume her going to give birth in USA which is a good idea

If you can afford it, good and fine, it's for the child future

If you can't afford it just relax by the time the pregnancy has gone half way

Seat her down and let her understand that you don't have the financial capacity to afford that

But you will appreciate if she has the capacity to do that from her own end,

That's all

Worst case she will go Gaga but still carry the pregnancy to full term and deliver successfully anywhere she wants home or abroad

You men should learn not to allow people to push you to the wall, if they think it's easy they can as well do that themselves

Let me give you an example
There was a time my husband was disturbing my life that he wants us to travel home for Christmas

I kept quiet, he keeps repeating it

I just brought out paper one Saturday and list out the following points

Cost of traveling with car, fuel amd maintenance

Cost of feeding through out our stay in the the village

Cost of entertaining people that will come to visit us

Cost of buying Christmas clothes for the children

Cost of school fees in January and provisions for them to go back to school

Then cost of Traveling with a chattered bus incase we don't want to travel with our vehicle, plus extra cash at hand for local transportation to market and all movements in the village

They were six points I asked him to choose three and give me three

As I am typing this message, that was the end of such demand till today, he never brought the issue up again

So i just kept quiet and never asked him how far 🙄🙄

Kelechi009:
Madame, this is what I am still trying to tell you. Satisfaction problems has absolutely nothing to do with the health of your sperm count, It is an issue with blood flow from the brain, if you have 5 minutes, do some research from Google or Youtube about this, so you won't be arguing with me. You can be 100% 2-3hours marathon sex man & your sperm count is absolute ZERO, this is because all you need for sex is blood flow. Not health of sperm.

Ok naw