₦airaland Forum

spiritualmubi:
Hello, good day Nairalanders.
I'm presently in a critical situation in my life. I really need your advice on this situation of mine.
I just feel like a looser, I am an undergraduate studying botany. In 300 level due to me deferring a semester due to a Relapsing illness (schizophrenia). I suffered from brain fog when I resumed school after the relapse and lock down. I'm 26 and I don't have any skill and don't have a degree at hand.

The reason for this is not far fetched because till date I still harbour that anger for what my Dad has done to me. When I was in Jss1 in a very good school and also doing well, he removed me and my younger brother from school and took us to a Quran memorizing Islamic school following the advice of a hausa colleague of his in his place of work.

We memorized the holy book but for me it came with it's price, I didn't even have solid memorization of the Quran self to speak. I went through hell in those two years memorizing the holy book, ranging from mental, physical and spiritual challenges, which I believe triggered the schizophrenia am suffering from today. After the graduation ceremony from the Islamic school he enrolled me in conventional secondary school into Ss1 which means I never attended Jss2 and Jss3. Had episodes of relapse of the ailment am suffering from after then twice apart from the first occurrence after my memorization of the holy book. I believe that if I was allowed to continue my education back then I would have been a graduate by now and even working and must have gained financial independence
Presently my mum brought the idea that we should meet a Sheikh who is a saint of God, regarding my issue of not being able to read, assimilate let alone retain, the Saint said that I should defer a session, that is a year so that he will pray for me that there is a good spirit standing beside me that needs to be dissolved into my system, which (the spirit) is as a result of a spiritual book, litanies I read that my father gave me.

So now I don't have any skill, my Father has no source of income whatsoever, he doesn't earn any salary, he only has ND, the money we are even feeding on presently is a contribution by BOT of a foundation he founded to buy a house for its Islamic school.

I started learning photography during the lock down but left it for no tangible reason. My Dad insisted that I should learn shoe mending, that it is easy to learn and get small small change, I started it but had to leave it when I faced the challenge of sowing and polishing shoes, I don't just like the work.

Presently am been pressured by my parents to get something doing to be getting money because even to eat once in a day is a problem for us now, and to buy the drug am living on which enables me to sleep but believe me I'm at loss of what to do, should I go back and learn photography as a skill or should I find a job, like a company that can employ an Ssce holder. Cos the former needs start up fee and also need time for me to master it before talking of getting money from it.

Secondly, regarding my academics, I am thinking of using this one year or two years which I would defer to gain financial independence and mental well being, then rewrite jamb and apply for my original passion which is medicine and surgery but hmm, am already in my late twenties, so please Nairalanders help a confused soul.

Sorry for the long write up, just had to say everything.
Thanks, any contribution is welcomed I am really in a critical situation.

New222:
I won't try to sugarcoat it. I'm 25 years old, she's 19. Still in university because of the endless ASUU strike.

I've been having unprotected sex with this particular girl for a long while now. We've been dating for close to two years. I practise the "withdrawal" and "safe" days method. I met her a Virgin too.

Just realised she's pregnant. She started showing a lot of symptoms. Darkened areolas, nausea, breast heaviness, headache, back pain e.t.c.

I asked her to get do a pregnancy strip test and it came positive. Two red lines.

Though it's not what I ever planned for myself, I won't really mind having a child at my age. People will so much insult me, including my family but I'm sure my family will take care of the child.

The issue is the girl. Her family (Deeper Life) are wahala, big wahala. Educated people that behaves as if they never went to school. Now, we detected very early, her first period is supposed to start tomorrow (which I'm sure she'll miss). She's still very young and about to start schooling. I'm sure her dad will disown her (he once sent her away from his home over a slight misunderstanding, refused to let her back in until it was shown she was innocent).

I told her we have two choices, keep the baby or remove it. I am confused too, but I didn't show it. Pls what do you think?

We're really considering ending the pregnancy. Since it's very early, I'm considered getting m...p......r..l. I need medical advice pls. Above all, I don't want to endanger the girl's life.
I've read about abortion pills. I don't know how to get them or their price. Or should we keep the baby? Her dad will surely disown her, might later accept her, but it will definitely end her Education. What do you think? Should we get the drugs pls. Or consider another option? Should we keep the baby?

P.S: I know nairaland. I've been here for years, insult are welcomed. I never imaginned I'll ever open a thread like this.

P.S: If you're using withdrawal method and it works, it WILL STILL EVENTUALLY FAIL YOU. I used it for a really long time, now I'm here.

Olonitola:
Dear Nairalanders, what do you think of this?
I got a new job 7th of February and the pay although not a normalised pay is very okay. The least I have received every month since I joined has been #126,000. There were months I was paid #170K ( happened twice) because it's commission based.

So far, I have been able to save #315,000 but I have a little problem.

I am a 29-year old guy who presently stays with my elder sister who also works in this company. She's a single mother of two. The apartment is a one bedroom-parlor apartment. She stays in the room while I occupy the parlor with my few properties (Mattress, Wardrobe, Plasma TV and home theatre) none of which she has because she had to abandon her husband late last year as she was being frustrated by him. She didn't pick anything while leaving, so she literally has just started buying a few things in the house. Apart from the parlor, 70% of the things in the kitchen and bathroom belong to me.

What actually happened about this was that; when she newly got this job (August, last year), she desperately needed a space as her ex husband was seriously frustrating her. She just left the husband's house with absolutely nothing like I already stated. Then as an unemployed graduate, I couldn't renew my rent which expired (November, last year). Because of this I decided to move them to her place and also shelter with her. Now my question is that, I am 29 years old, should I get a personal space with my current savings as my monthly pay seems enough or should I keep staying with her while I keep saving?
Mind you, I contribute to everything in this house, from food to water to NEPA bills and everything. Times we share the bills, other times I pay alone or she pays alone but it's all seem balanced in a way. No complaints so far.

Mind you I do not care what neighbors think as well even as they seem utterly unpleased with a man this grown staying with his sister. I do not care and also, I do not have a girlfriend so it's not about privacy or whatever.
But you know as a grown man with a lot yet to be achieved, I just seem confused.

What would you advise a brother?

SteveDGreat:
Peter Obi has been declared the winner of labor party presidential primary election as his contender Pat Utomi step down for him


Pat Utomi has promised to bring other political parties into Labor Party

More details...

oikirodah:
Opinion: Who Blinks First As APC Presidential Ticket Narrows Between Goodluck Jonathan And Asiwaju Bola Tinubu


https://ireporteronline.com.ng/blog/opinion-who-blinks-first-as-apc-presidential-ticket-narrows-between-goodluck-jonathan-and-asiwaju-bola-tinubu/

Naijadaily:
https://guardian.ng/news/north-east-only-alternative-to-south-east-presidency-says-orji-kalu/

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

MistarT:
Please candid opinions will be appreciated. Thanks.

Itwill do humanity great good, if we hear from marriage counsellors with wide range of experiences, thanks.

Cyntie55:
There is this guy, we dated for 2 years before he traveled abroad (Italy) 2019. Our relationship was going on well even when he traveled out, we were always calling each other on video calls everyday. I was so faithful to him.

Suddenly (last year March), he started avoiding me. He could go for months before he replies my calls or chats.
Atleast no matter how busy you are, you can always spare 1 minutes of your time with the person you claim you love.

Please note, he's always online, We do video calls mostly on WhatsApp and anytime I try to reach him on video call or send him a message.... it always ring and deliver but he won't pick or reply.

Here are my reasons why I'm so confused whether to move on with my life or not.

1) Although before he started avoiding my calls, he told me he was busy... that he was working on something (but he never disclosed the particular "thing" to me)

2) We were supposed to get married as planned last year August. But this is May 2022 and absolutely nothing is in progress about it.

3)I discussed with his friend about it and he told me he's in a relationships over there. (I don't know if to believe him or not, because he didn't show me proof)

Now, it been a year I'm enduring his character. I feel like I'm stuck alone in this relationship. Heaven knows I haven't offended him in any way. I wish he could open up to me and tell me what I was doing wrong so that I could adjust. OR he should just tell me he's in a relationship so that I could move on.

I plan visiting his elder sister this weekend and explain to her the issue on ground but on a second thought I think I'm too forward. I'm jst confused and I feel hurt.

ikorodureporta:
People don't care like they used to....they don't attend meetings...

Is that how it is in your church?

OluwoR:
Good evening my brothers and sisters,

I sincerely needs urgent help/assistance for my Fiancee.

Met her in 2012, started dating in 2014, had our first sex in 2019, but since that 2019, anytime I make moves to have sex with Her, it's always through fight, to cut the story short, she find sex extremely painful that even anything that pass cuddling, she'll start crying, this might sound funny, but seriously it is not.
I talked to Her about it, booked an appointment with a gynecologist, my babe didn't show up, I tried to get her sexual supplements, she said they have side effects, and she disposed them.

Now, the problem is, we're planning our introduction, and we're yet to get any solution to the problem at hand,
please, who have any idea of what we can do about it.

adenigga:
Source: https://dailypost.ng/Borrowing-will-land-Nigeria-into-state-of-bankruptcy-Pastor-Adeboye

Sominablack:
Greeting Nairalanders,
My wifes attitude has been unbecoming, disrespectful, avoiding intimacy for months, insultive and always playing the silent treatment which I have learnt to ignore. Her mum visited and confirmed these attitude, she did counsel and advised her to change yet she was reluctant and stated she dont want to continue being a wife that she has lost love and feelings for me because I want things to be done decently and in order in my family which she is opposed to. Having observed this her mum left angrily and told the matter to her husband to confirm some of the issues of my wifes behaviour which I had stressed on and as a result had a family meeting with her family since I was invited not long ago.

Now with the attitude still being displayed by her, her dad asked me to come down to the village by next week so the issue will be discussed in their larger family so that my wife would come and explain to them why she is behaving the way she is doing, but not up to three months we had a meeting and now this one billed for next week again.I dont feel like honouring the meeting because I have done my best to follow peace even though I cannot fathom where I am at fault. At this juncture what do I do?

trutharena:
Source: https://twitter.com/renoomokri/status/1520037780616851461?s=21&t=IAqHDP_WXpu3GDNLwGKgwA[/quote]Again Reno thinks he knows so much about our politics but he really doesn't. The 2023 elections are going to be the most expensive we have ever had, a lot of money will be spent to sway delegates and electorates. When it comes to the money game, whoever is Buhari's anointed candidate will sweep Tinubu to the gutters, these guys have been amassing cash for 4 to 7 years and they are willing to spend it to get what they want. My gut tells me that Tinubu's wings are going to be clipped in that primaries, Tinubu running against VP has already divided the southern votes, the northern delegates will decide who clinches the ticket. As for PDP, once Wike, Makinde, Tambuwal and Saraki decide to work together, the could possibly gone APC a run for their money, but as it stands they still remain the far behind opposition party. Peter Obi is not bankable in the north, selling him as a candidate should will be extremely tough, Peter can sway the elites but Nigeria politics is not won by the elites it's won by the masses.

Gaggii:
I just put this here may be I could get some relief.

I don't want to share it with anyone because it's a family issue, since am anonymous here

I told my wife to do family planning after our second child, she refused claiming she is not a kid and knows how to prevent herself.

Now she is pregnant and will not terminate it.

My head one bust, been thinking how to survive this economy with 3kids, while earning a salary less than 100k.

She has her niece leaving with us and my own nephew also leaving with us.

Milli10:
I was in a barber shop yesterday, and one middle aged man was just regretfully telling his story on how sex and women was the reason behind his setbacks. According to him, he had himself established before the age of 24, until he started his philandering lifestyle.

Is there any possible way sex could be a reason for someone's downfall and setbacks?

Or does it mean that some women bring bad lucks after having sex with them?

powerfulguy:
https://independent.ng/apc-primaries-osinbajo-has-majority-of-party-members-on-his-side-ajulo/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter

oshozondii:
https://dailytrust.com/2023-faces-of-tinubus-marshals

dre11:
"The only demand is for us to go to primary. Let us see how much support Osinbajo can garner from the party members. This is someone who could not even win his polling booth."



https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/523261-2023-osinbajo-a-pawn-on-the-chessboard-lagos-apc-spokesperson.html


Lalasticlala

osinbanjoisaliar:
https://independent.ng/osinbajo-told-to-withdraw-from-2023-presidential-race/

dre11:
https://dailytrust.com/photos-matawalle-buys-cadillac-expensive-cars-for-zamfara-monarchs

HonNL:
SOURCE

Kenog4real:
Paid a visit to my sister. She has 2 kids 4 and 6. They came back from school and brought out their assignments with their last term exam script. When I went through the 4yr old script, I was baffled to see the kind of questions they have written because it's more or less of a primary school standard. I was told they would be starting exams in few days time but they still came home with loads of assignments instead of allowing their parents to revise their previous class activities with them.
Not that the kids are not brilliant but I just feel the of that exam questions and some of their assignments are way higher than their reasoning.
Is it same with the school your kids attends.?

komekn:
Revelations 22: 18-19

18 9For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: jIf anyone adds to these things, 1God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; 19 and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, kGod 2shall take away his part from the 3Book of Life, from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book

Modern day thinking, norms and values perception and societal expectations are not the WORD OF GOD.

Be very careful that you don't inadvertently do the devil's work to decieve and destroy and kill.

What is in the bold is simply a LIE.

I presume you have culled this disinformation and misinformation from 1 Corinthians 7.

Consider verses

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord

Finally, remember narrow is the path and only few will enter.

I have a principal that's not necessarily Biblical albeit it Biblical derived. If everybody is doing something that's the majority it may probably be wrong .

12 men of God established and matured were sent out to spy the promised land , 10 came back with a report that had no Faith or Belief in God. It was called an evil report by God, it probably seemed rational and sensible. Buy it was evil before God, Joshua and Caleb have a report based on conviction of who God is and believed they were well able to take the land.

It's impossible to please God without FAITH & BELIEF. Marriage fails from lack of faith and belief and accepting an evil report the Lie.

Mharvis:
Hello Wonderful people of God,

So I was going through a topic on the front page yesterday about a wife telling her husband that she isn't interested in the marriage again but the husband didn't want divorce.

Now for the Christians among us, you and I know that God hates divorce. No need to start quoting many scriptures you're already aware of but what happens when one of the parties in the marriage isn't interested in the marriage again??

Just to add personal experiences,

1. My ex-colleague's husband walked out of her marriage of 5 years because she couldn't get pregnant, the husband put another woman in the family way and told her people to return the bride price he paid. Guess what? She's just 31.. What would you advise her to do as a Christian? Remain like that because God hates divorce? At 31 years??

2. My former co-worker in campus fellowship walked out of her marriage because she was tired of hardship. She returned to her village and left the husband in Lagos. The marriage was just 3 years. All efforts to reconcile them didn't work. Another mutual friend called me last month that her husband is remarried, why would he do that? God hates divorce and all that... I had to ask her on phone that man isn't up to 35 years from what I know, what would you expect him do as Hanty no gree come back

Share your thoughts people of God.

Frank25:
Let's gather and discuss ...., do church influences and amends one's character?,

let's share based on our knowledge

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right.

She gets offended easily, keeps malice and gives me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all.

Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE.

I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me.

She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them.

B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present.

Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.

NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Or11:
I will get straight to the point. I get messages all the time from people in Nigeria asking for money and the surprising thing is it's abled bodied men who beg. Some of them act like big boys on social media but codedly begging using every excuse to ask for money.

I wonder why they can't go and work. Ok there are no jobs but what happened to being an entrepreneur. Anyone can be a real estate agent, car sales agent, shipping/clearing agent or just learn a handwork.

I don't go on Facebook anyone because as soon as I go online, the next thing is *beep beep*, a message comes in that reads "baba every red, pls send anything I go manage am", " My dstv sub don expire, na weekend, borrow me 20k, I go pay you back on Monday ", " My pikin get asthma, abeg I need money buy inhaler", "bros pls I travel go village and spend all my money, I need funds to travel back to Lagos and many more.

What is going on in naija abeg?