Gosh234: I will go straight to the point and make this brief. Recall this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6990203/should-marry On March this year I got a job as ICT officer in a firm which made me move to Lagos ,we are super excited about this development and everything working out fine (No relationship is perfect, understanding kept us going)
I served in a university, towards completion of my service year, I accomodated a guy who got to know about us One day we were in a arguement of dating or marrying someone older than you. I stood my ground that I can marry irrespective of age, provided it is what I want The guy came to conclusion that it seems my spouse is older than me, we laughed over it (That ends it)
Secondly my friend Davidson that live in the same compound who is done with his studies, working while waiting on NYSC. I told him about my woman , how I love her and ready to settle down as soon as things go as planned for me (he have seen her visited once but they never met) He asked me if she work, I told him He asked of her age, I JUST TOLD HIM THAT SHE IS A BIT OLDER THA ME.
While discussing with my woman last night , I was assuring her how much I love her irrespective of anything then I pointed out the two above incidence To my greatest surprise she became angry eith me In her words a) She detest dating underage, how she found herself in this mess she can't tell
b) I should go ahead and tell my mum and elder brother (they just talk via phone) and even all my friends
c) I make her look desperate, that she is loosing interest already
d) I insulted her and she can't trust me again
NOTE a) I promised her that no one will know of the age difference even if they know she is older
b) I never mentioned her age to these people or the age gap
My crime is that I admitted that she is older and I am proud and love her wholeheartedly
I don't see this working out again I feel so belittled Gosh
I think you are hiding under your shadow, the age difference bothers you but you continually justify it in your head. And clearly it bothers the lady also. You guys need to revaluate your relationship and decided if age difference is a problem in the relationship because wether you like it or not, the subject is going to come up from time to time the outcome of that conversation will depend on how comfortable you are with the whole thing.
I don't think it's about loosing anymore, southern governors came together and were hosted by the Delta state governor, the result of that meeting was that power has to return to the south. Now a supposed money bag buys his way against an agreement made by the southern governors and we expect everyone to be silent. A bigger question is "if Peter Obi won the PDP ticket will Wike be blowing hot?"
siofra: As a virgin, I'm not getting married to a non-virgin. I don talk my own
The Naked Truth: Some many men spend their best years "damaging" some women AND then when they're ready to settle down, they WANT a woman who's not "damaged" at all. Y'all, please help me make some sense out of this one! #EmpoweringWomenNow #victorhill4 #msruby
I really don't agree that a gender has the ability to damage another gender. We are all gifted with the power of choice, if someone isn't treating you well, you have the choice to walk away. Should you choose not to walk away, the consequences of your staying is on you. The biggest problem in cases of abuse is low self esteem.
When one gets married, you need to understand that there are 2 types of sex. There is sex for mutual pleasure and there is sex as a duty.
Mutual pleasure sex is the sex were you are feeling the moon, stars, butterflies, love in the air etc. It can come as a result of a gift, a service pure desire, feelings etc.
Duty sex is satisfying a partner especially when you don't feel like it. Duty sex is why quickies exist, the end goal is to satisfy ones partner.
The application of this two type of sex in marriage will help in setting a framework that effectively manages sex.
Do you thank your boss after receiving your salary?
Use the comment section to tell us why you choose any of the above.
This is a clear indication of the kind of organisation you work for. It's most likely a business owner/ one man show business, it most likely lacks qualitative structure. It a very unhealthy place to both work for and lead.
Wike is pained. Atiku bought the presidential primary, Okowa convoked the southern governors to Asaba and resolved on southern president but worked against that resolution. Tambuwal who Wike worked for in the last election, worked against him. To be honest, Wike single handedly kept PDP together since they lost power in 2015, a Wike defection would have buried PDP.
Make Una dey there dey deceive Una self. The most dangerous fellow to fight with is the one that has nothing to loose. Russians are so accustomed to suffering that they are uncomfortable when they are not suffering. The solution to the Ukraine crisis is diplomacy, US should swallow their pride and speak with China, China can end this thing in a giffy.
Economic prosperity isn't going to solve the present problem of insecurity, it can solve the security problems on a longrun but on the short run, you need brute force every terrorists needs to understand that the penalty for terrorism is death. Create va special terrorism court, once convicted hang them. The biggest problem we have is no consequences for bad behaviour.
symbolofhope: Hello Nairalander, i have always failed job test most especially Dragnet test, could their be anything am missing out, how do you guys ace those PWC, KPMG, E&Y, Deloitte tests
I used to prepare with all seriousness and relevant past questions, thanks for your advice as usual
It's great to practice and all, but you need to understand that the pool is very large. Most companies can only employ less than a hundred people from a pool of 5000 people. The competition is steep.
Maleekdon: Popular Nigerian Actress and PDP Lagos State Deputy Governor Candidate, Funke Akindele has said she trusts her large social media following and over 20 Million followers will vote for her during the 2023 Lagos state gubernatorial elections
We Need PDP To Take Over, People Want To Right The Wrong - Funke Akindele 
What percentage of your followers are residents of Lagos? How many of such followers are eligible to vote? Go find out what happened to John Dumelo in Ghana, millions of followers but couldn't get up to 50k votes.
It's a little too late to call out the president. You watched as your people were demoralised by leaders from your own home town, then you also watched as they were destabilised by terrorism. Well the next phase is crisis, except you make the right choice in 2023. Forget Buhari, his presidency is just a wasted opportunity, we elected a personal ambition not a leader who wants to serve his people.
Tinubu might have just shot himself on the foot, his present permutation assumes that with a core Fulani man he can capture major northern votes in at least 15 states and hold on to the south west.
The dynamics of Nigeria is changing, more people are interested in the outcome of our presidential election than it has ever happened in our history. Our churches are getting more involved in the election process. A consolidation is all that is needed his plan for the sw crumbles. Political thugs will face steep opposition this election, it's going to be a very tough race.
I had the feeling when they started dating that they weren't meant to be together, not because they are necessarily bad people but because it is really difficult to combine a thriving career with a blended family, the icing on the cake was them working together. They needed a professional to help them work on the relationship and as usual Africans don't like to admit they have a problem not to talk of seeking help.
Shekarau shouldn't complain, he assented to the new electoral act that delivers the structure of the party to state governors. Buhari refused to sign but they forced him to, now the state governors are using their legitimate gotten power and senators are decamping. NNPP is taking Kano this time, whoever gets to appeal to lion of Kano, will sweep the votes, I don't see Atiku getting it though.
This is the difference between the old school politicians and the new school politicians. They better let OBJ be else the little reputation atiku is managing, baba will destroy.
In a sense ICAN is overrated because of technology in another sense it is a river of opportunity for those who have ICAN skills because they can leverage on technology to create great products that solve our daily problems.
After watching Osimhen at the world cup qualifier, I must say he has a lot of improving to work on. What he needs now is a good manager not pressure. With the right management and discipline he can be as prolific as Drogba.
Purple2003: Good morning everyone, Pardon me if I am posting this under the wrong section (this is my first time of posting on this platform).
To the matter.... I need legal & other advice on how to handle a situation that's causing me a lot of mental stress. I loaned 280,000 Naira to my cousin's husband around January for his business. There was no written agreement (I blame myself for this) because I felt it would be awkward to ask a family member to sign papers before I help him. Although I have other proofs like recorded calls and conversations where I asked for my money and he kept on begging for more time. The agreement we had was for him to payback by March. I had plans to purchase a fairly used Keke-napep with this 280k (plus some money I had reserved in my account).
When it was time to pay, I called him a lot to ask for my money. Sometimes, he'll pick and beg for more time. Sometimes, he'll pick and just leave me saying "hello hello hello" without a word from him. Most of the time he won't even pick my calls. He once asked me to send my account number but he didn't send anything (I felt like a joke). This went on from March, April & May. During this period, I had spent, on feeding & other bills, all the money I was supposed to add to the 280k in order to purchase the Keke-napep. This Keke-napep would have generated money for this bills if I had bought it then.
I've been staying at his place since beginning on this month because I don't have any money to fend for myself. When I came here, he told me that his customers promise to send the money before 15th of this month but they didn't. Now he said they promise to send it by the end of this month. All these while I have been patient and tolerant with everything, including the treatment I've been receiving since I came here (I don't even want to go into these treatments). I've been staying indoor since I came here because I don't know anywhere in this area. Just sitting one place and waiting for time to run makes me think about a lot of things and it's depressing.
I can't take this anymore. Even if I have a soft spot for family members, I also need to think of myself by taking necessary measures to get my money back before they ruin my plan of purchasing something that will help me survive daily. I need advice, please
The bigger question is does he have the money to repay the loan? If he has the money to repay, that's just wicked on his path but if he doesn't, I'm afraid you have lost your money. Now you understand why banks ask for something in return for loan as security.
AntonVince: With due respect to the person of Okowa, I think Wike is the PDP's best bet if they're truly desirous of dethroning the APC.
Yes, Wike will be good at winning an election and doing dirty jobs. But as a VP he will have to travel and represent the country, I'm not sure Wike has that composure to do the duties of VP. The Ideal candidate would have been Obaseki, but he can't risk his second term for an uncertain VP seat.
onez: Please we need leg work in Kano. I believe Kano youth will soon do the needful. NLC and Trade Union Congress should convert all their offices in Kano and all far northern states for this revolution.
My dear one bottle of cold campaign bottle for you. If we want Peter Obi to stand a chance, we need to start putting boots on the ground, sustain the trend online for the next 9 months, physically visit people at work, markets, joints, busstops etc. We can stand on the shoulders of TUC and NLC.
I have a family issue but I don't have someone to speak to about it, so I'm very grateful for your inputs on this matter.
SOME BACKSTORY (You can skip this if you want): I'm the youngest of my two siblings (26M). I have a sister and a brother. My sister's kinda okay. My brother (35) is a selfish, toxic and entitled person. He dropped out from the university, doesn't have a job and he steals from my parents like my dad's watches or property or my mum's jewellery and then sells them to buy weed or something.
One time he sold my mum's car and after some police and legal issue that basically went nowhere, she basically had to steal it back (The guy who bought it, passed away a little while after, so I guess that case is closed..), he once took my phone while I was sleeping because I refused to give him a different phone I had, that belongs to me after selling his own phone or something. It's like he acts solely on impulse. My dad (who's in his 70s now) is almost always on security alert when my brother is around. As for my mom, she just straight up enables him and bails him out of trouble every time, saying things like "He's your brother" or "God will change him" when I talk to her about it. My brother and I got into a fight, like a year before I left for university, because he wanted to look around my room to see if I had his usb cable despite me telling him I don't have it nor have I seen it. That was the last time I willingly spoke to him.
My family moved into a new house and I finally left for school (my brother stayed in the old house and my sister moved in with her husband after marriage, so it was just him over there). During my 3rd year, I called my dad, asking him for some money because I was broke, and during the phone call, my dad tells me that he's at the hospital cuz my brother and some girl just had a kid. okay.. I came back for holidays and found out that his baby mama (who's also toxic and insults people alot) and kid, my nephew, are staying with us, with my parents providing for them while my brother stays in the older house, renting it out to people (who messed up the house and compound to the point it just became a disgusting place to live in) obviously without permission from my parents (who don't even own that house, it belongs to my uncle). By the time I graduated and came back home, he was now living with us in the new house because free food and no bills, I guess.
I haven't gotten a job yet so I'm stuck here.
Recently, he's been staying away from me because I don't talk to him or even look at him.
BACK TO THE TOPIC: Around a year ago, I had a serious wakeup call and decided that, if I was going to go forward in life I would have to better myself so I began a journey of meditation and self-improvement, and I think I've made some good progress. Now the issue is my brother---earlier today, I saw him scouting our house (after my parents went out) and I could instantly tell he was up to no good. I was cooking when I began to hear some noise from upstairs like he was hacking at something. He came downstairs and readied his car while my cousin who stays with us (19) carried the AC unit my brother was planning to sell. Usually I'll just mind my business and avoid him because he's an adult-child (narcissist) and I think he'll just put his vindictive sights on me if I interfere, but this time I don't know what came over me..
I called my cousin and demanded where he was taking that AC to. I then asked my brother (first time in years I've spoken to him) why he was taking it, he just gave one nonsense flimsy excuse then I told my cousin to return it. When he tried to explain whatever, I didn't acknowledge his presence, I just ignored him and ate my food. He just stood there staring at me for like 3 minutes before he left while murmuring something.
The main reason I've been avoiding him for long is because he's toxic and I decided that family or not, toxicity is still toxicity. He's very exploitative and once he familiarises with someone it's like an opening to trample the person's boundaries. I think I confronted him today because the more you ignore bad/evil the stronger it becomes and eventually it will come for you except now it'll be stronger from all the experience.
The issue is, I don't want to relapse into my old life of toxicity by further engaging him if he decides to steal from me on get physical because he's the kind of person that only listens to actions, not words. Please, what do you think I do?
I'm not too sure about what your question is but the little I know about training I should be able to chip in a bit.
First of all it takes a man to train a man, a mother's job is to nurture her son while a father's job is admonition. InDiscipline boys end up in prison, on the street or dead. Your father is solely responsible for the outcome of your brother, he didn't train him. Yes, teenager take a detour and start misbehaving, it's the responsibility of a father to guide them back to the light with whatever means possible.
Your mother should understand by now that God doesn't change children, God gave the parents the responsibility to train the children so that as they get old that training becomes their moral compass.
At this point your parents need to put their foot down and give your brother an ultimatum to decide on a skill to learn, to get alternative accommodation, and should anything go missing in the house he will be thrown out. The only language people like your brother understand is firm force.
[quote author= post=113663247]I didn't believe it will happen so soon[/quote]As much as I relish the possibility of Peter Obi becoming president, I'm certain that there is little that can be achieved by a political parties with weak structure. Labor party and other small political parties have weak structures and next to no presence in three quarters of the states, how do you mobilize people with that kind of structure?
helinues: If Apc, Tinubu and SW as a region want to win the presidency, the Muslim-Muslim ticket is the only perfect combo cos I doubt if North will vote Christian VP or a female VP irrespective of Religion.
I watched Shettima speaking on Channels TV. He was able to pass his message maturely without throwing tantrum. He should be a good candidate for VP.
Shettima is from NE same as Atiku, as long as Buhari and co in NW will keep to their promises, NE votes would be shared. NC are the election deciders in Nigeria, SW have been maintaining their friendships with them.
Pdp and LP would share SE/SS votes, Apc should at least be gett6 25% from those 2 regions, SW is secured
You seem not to understand how religiously tensed Nigeria is. A Muslim-muslim ticket is dead on arrival, the biggest casualty will be southwest.
spiritualmubi: Hello, good day Nairalanders. I'm presently in a critical situation in my life. I really need your advice on this situation of mine. I just feel like a looser, I am an undergraduate studying botany. In 300 level due to me deferring a semester due to a Relapsing illness (schizophrenia). I suffered from brain fog when I resumed school after the relapse and lock down. I'm 26 and I don't have any skill and don't have a degree at hand.
The reason for this is not far fetched because till date I still harbour that anger for what my Dad has done to me. When I was in Jss1 in a very good school and also doing well, he removed me and my younger brother from school and took us to a Quran memorizing Islamic school following the advice of a hausa colleague of his in his place of work.
We memorized the holy book but for me it came with it's price, I didn't even have solid memorization of the Quran self to speak. I went through hell in those two years memorizing the holy book, ranging from mental, physical and spiritual challenges, which I believe triggered the schizophrenia am suffering from today. After the graduation ceremony from the Islamic school he enrolled me in conventional secondary school into Ss1 which means I never attended Jss2 and Jss3. Had episodes of relapse of the ailment am suffering from after then twice apart from the first occurrence after my memorization of the holy book. I believe that if I was allowed to continue my education back then I would have been a graduate by now and even working and must have gained financial independence Presently my mum brought the idea that we should meet a Sheikh who is a saint of God, regarding my issue of not being able to read, assimilate let alone retain, the Saint said that I should defer a session, that is a year so that he will pray for me that there is a good spirit standing beside me that needs to be dissolved into my system, which (the spirit) is as a result of a spiritual book, litanies I read that my father gave me.
So now I don't have any skill, my Father has no source of income whatsoever, he doesn't earn any salary, he only has ND, the money we are even feeding on presently is a contribution by BOT of a foundation he founded to buy a house for its Islamic school.
I started learning photography during the lock down but left it for no tangible reason. My Dad insisted that I should learn shoe mending, that it is easy to learn and get small small change, I started it but had to leave it when I faced the challenge of sowing and polishing shoes, I don't just like the work.
Presently am been pressured by my parents to get something doing to be getting money because even to eat once in a day is a problem for us now, and to buy the drug am living on which enables me to sleep but believe me I'm at loss of what to do, should I go back and learn photography as a skill or should I find a job, like a company that can employ an Ssce holder. Cos the former needs start up fee and also need time for me to master it before talking of getting money from it.
Secondly, regarding my academics, I am thinking of using this one year or two years which I would defer to gain financial independence and mental well being, then rewrite jamb and apply for my original passion which is medicine and surgery but hmm, am already in my late twenties, so please Nairalanders help a confused soul.
Sorry for the long write up, just had to say everything. Thanks, any contribution is welcomed I am really in a critical situation.
Have you thought of getting professional help, most especially a therapist to work you through navigating everyday life?
Another thing i noticed from your write up is indecision, decide what you want to do and go for it, you can't live life pointing fingers, you may have had a tough childhood but it shouldn't determine your future, you are the architect of your future.
I'm also not in support of quitting 3 years of school, finish your degree and if you want to go do medicine after go for it. Don't make a habit of littering the place with unfinished projects.
New222: I won't try to sugarcoat it. I'm 25 years old, she's 19. Still in university because of the endless ASUU strike.
I've been having unprotected sex with this particular girl for a long while now. We've been dating for close to two years. I practise the "withdrawal" and "safe" days method. I met her a Virgin too.
Just realised she's pregnant. She started showing a lot of symptoms. Darkened areolas, nausea, breast heaviness, headache, back pain e.t.c.
I asked her to get do a pregnancy strip test and it came positive. Two red lines.
Though it's not what I ever planned for myself, I won't really mind having a child at my age. People will so much insult me, including my family but I'm sure my family will take care of the child.
The issue is the girl. Her family (Deeper Life) are wahala, big wahala. Educated people that behaves as if they never went to school. Now, we detected very early, her first period is supposed to start tomorrow (which I'm sure she'll miss). She's still very young and about to start schooling. I'm sure her dad will disown her (he once sent her away from his home over a slight misunderstanding, refused to let her back in until it was shown she was innocent).
I told her we have two choices, keep the baby or remove it. I am confused too, but I didn't show it. Pls what do you think?
We're really considering ending the pregnancy. Since it's very early, I'm considered getting m...p......r..l. I need medical advice pls. Above all, I don't want to endanger the girl's life. I've read about abortion pills. I don't know how to get them or their price. Or should we keep the baby? Her dad will surely disown her, might later accept her, but it will definitely end her Education. What do you think? Should we get the drugs pls. Or consider another option? Should we keep the baby?
P.S: I know nairaland. I've been here for years, insult are welcomed. I never imaginned I'll ever open a thread like this.
P.S: If you're using withdrawal method and it works, it WILL STILL EVENTUALLY FAIL YOU. I used it for a really long time, now I'm here.
Actions carry consequences, you are an unemployed student are you going to give the baby sand to eat? How do you intend to support mother and child? It's bad enough that you are fornicating but doing it stupidly is the height. Withdrawal method, like seriously. You best go and inform your parents and guardian and tell your 19 year old to do the same, let both families meet and decide on how to navigate this.
Olonitola: Dear Nairalanders, what do you think of this? I got a new job 7th of February and the pay although not a normalised pay is very okay. The least I have received every month since I joined has been #126,000. There were months I was paid #170K ( happened twice) because it's commission based.
So far, I have been able to save #315,000 but I have a little problem.
I am a 29-year old guy who presently stays with my elder sister who also works in this company. She's a single mother of two. The apartment is a one bedroom-parlor apartment. She stays in the room while I occupy the parlor with my few properties (Mattress, Wardrobe, Plasma TV and home theatre) none of which she has because she had to abandon her husband late last year as she was being frustrated by him. She didn't pick anything while leaving, so she literally has just started buying a few things in the house. Apart from the parlor, 70% of the things in the kitchen and bathroom belong to me.
What actually happened about this was that; when she newly got this job (August, last year), she desperately needed a space as her ex husband was seriously frustrating her. She just left the husband's house with absolutely nothing like I already stated. Then as an unemployed graduate, I couldn't renew my rent which expired (November, last year). Because of this I decided to move them to her place and also shelter with her. Now my question is that, I am 29 years old, should I get a personal space with my current savings as my monthly pay seems enough or should I keep staying with her while I keep saving? Mind you, I contribute to everything in this house, from food to water to NEPA bills and everything. Times we share the bills, other times I pay alone or she pays alone but it's all seem balanced in a way. No complaints so far.
Mind you I do not care what neighbors think as well even as they seem utterly unpleased with a man this grown staying with his sister. I do not care and also, I do not have a girlfriend so it's not about privacy or whatever. But you know as a grown man with a lot yet to be achieved, I just seem confused.
What would you advise a brother?
An angle you are not considering is your sister and her kids, she probably is able to manage well as a result of the support you are giving. I would suggest you find out how she will fair should you decide to get your own place. Being a single parent can be tough especially for women.
SteveDGreat: Peter Obi has been declared the winner of labor party presidential primary election as his contender Pat Utomi step down for him
Pat Utomi has promised to bring other political parties into Labor Party
More details...
The labor party presidential candidate wouldn't poll up to 200k votes in the 2023 elections. Peter Obi should have remained in PDP, he could have clinched the VP slot.
Family › Re: Is It A Crime To Admit That Your Spouse Is Older Than You? (my Story) by gabicon: 6:45pm On Aug 30, 2022
