₦airaland Forum

Xj2020:
He is a very principled man. Very religious and doesn't play with his God been a devoted Muslim. Extremely rich and bless with four grown up children with the second of his children getting married in a month time.

He retired from the bank 2 years ago having risen to the pinnacle of his career in the banking industry having served in different capacities for almost 35 years.

Yes, the wife is uncultured and ill-mannered. He knows already and has been managing her all these years.

He is presently in court seeking to divorce his wife and has vowed that nothing would stop him from divorcing his wife.

My question is what could possibly make a man thrown in the towel and walk out of his marriage after so many years together?

I will like to know.

Let me just drop some quotes to explain the situation your Uncle is presently in.

“A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.” Proverbs 19:13

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife.” Proverbs 21:19

If we go by the last quote, your uncle choose the desert to living with his wife. The pain full part of all this is that if they did seek professional help from a counselor or therapist earlier in the marriage, things will have been different, they both will have enjoyed their marriage. A little digging into the life and past of his wife will reveal the root cause of the challenge, once the root cause is fixed the problem goes away. Unfortunately, Africans don't like to admit there is a problem not to talk of getting help early.

treesun:
https://punchng.com/naira-crashes-to-record-low-at-official-market/

The Naira is weak because we produce nothing and have a taste for foreign made goods, 90% of the people complaining on social media and declaring dooms day produce nothing yet they complain of devaluation or think the CBN is the problem. To save our currency we have to make things the world needs and earn foreign exchange, the complain is sickening, the average home in China is a mini factory, they are either making jewelry or small electronics, the people doing this are not half as educated as Nigerians.

Direct primary is just self preservation for our lawmakers, the govonors decide who becomes a lawmaker because they control the delegates.

Juliusmomoh:
I have found out and am with the evidence that he don't belong here...

Should i go ahead and tell my dad that the child he suffer to train is not his? ..

Or i should tell him to conduct DNA test on all of us? (i can foot the bill) .

Am confuse

We Africans need Change our paradigm of who children are to parents. Sperm and eggs contribution is the tiniest part of parent and child relationship. A child nurtured, admonished, educated, disciplined and cultured is who a son or daughter is. It takes work and relationship to achieve this. Your father loves your brother and has made sacrifices for him so does your brother also, they are both victims of a fraud from a woman, why make them suffer for something they are not responsible for? Why break your dad in his old age? My dear take that secret with you to the grave, if you destroy a good relationship because you have legitimate reasons, someone else too will destroy you too because they feel they have legitimate reasons. The pain and heart aches won't be worth it.

Mybrotheralso:
He's the first born out of 5 children. He's doing his PHD and has his own business. He still lives with our parents. So he does not pay for house, food or water. But can you imagine this brother of mine who makes money from his business doesn't contribute to the house for the same food he eats, when he makes money he goes to hotels and sleep over with women and prefers to train and help outsiders than bring something to the family. Recently, he had the effontry to reject my mummy's food on the ground that it was served late. I simply asked my mom to stop putting food for him.

Honestly this brother of mine has never brought joy to my parents and siblings. He has had several accidents driving carelessly, yet my mom still takes care of it all and she has even stayed over in the hospital when he had the last accident and became unconscious.

They're just the kind of brother one will have and you wished you never had a brother , my brother is exactly that kind of brother anyone will wish not to have. Not to talk of his dubious nature, you can't do simple business with him without him cheating on you. I once was rearing one animal and had to send him money for feeds but can you believe he was billing me in excess. We also contributed money to renovate our father's house and he emphatically told us he bought something which he didn't actually buy.

I wonder why God gave us this kind of brother, he has been like this since we all knew something and hasn't changed for good.
He has been sat down and talked to severally yet he will repent and still go back to his old ways .

So pathetic!

What I see here is a challenge of boundaries, I'm afraid if those boundaries were not set at a younger age, it might be a little difficult to set them now. Your father needs to sit him down and give him an ultimatum to get his own living arrangement, not because he is difficult but because he ought to start taking care of himself, if he doesn't have enough money to rent a place they can add money for him but he needs to start acting like the man he is. This is simply a boundaries and discipline problem.

McSaviour:
I don’t know why I born in to this evil country!

The dynamics of the game you are playing have changed but you are still using tactics of the former dynamics. Because you got a 2:1 doesn't make you entitled to a job even in America. The question every employer of labor wants to know is "what can you do for my coy?" can you make my processes run better? can you guarantee better sales? can you cut costs? What can you do and how do you intend to do it?

It takes the average graduate 2 years to figure out how the labor market works, you may need to go get skills relevant to your chosen career path, you may need to do professional exams, you may need to intern, you may need to work for free for a period. The labor market is highly competitive and saturated so a stand-out will be good in securing a Job. The worst part of it all is that the future is going to be experienced more drastic changes in employment, with the introduction of robotics, artificial intelligence, and the internet of things.

So go to google and search for the soft and hard skills of the future, choose one each. Get the necessary material to learn these skills and be a master in them. Join associations and forums that trade in these skills so that you are aware of new opportunities and finally pray for God's help.

Saying Amen is not a plan, you ought to have faith but the factor that makes your faith work is the corresponding action which is being skilled.

Evercurious:
Osinbajo is not just a liar but a CHRONIC one, a TEN TONGUED SERPENT and a CHAMELEON.its obvious that being selfish is your way of dealing with issues. Same selfish way of handling issues brought in Buhari and now same way? Abeg change tactics . Okay? It's simply TRIBALISM that is your issue.

WOW!!!!

Evercurious:
Shld that now make him a CHRONIC LIAR and also a TEN TONGUED SERPENT? Pls enough of all this epistle just to justify rubbish.. unaa don start Buhari type now cos of your selfishness and tribalism

Politics 101 every politician is a liar, be it in Africa, Europe, Asia, America, and Australia. For the record, my paradigm on Buhari administration is that they have done a mediocre job in managing Nigeria. Because I don't echo your feelings and thoughts shouldn't make you label me selfish, tribalistic, or a bigot, we all find our respective ways to deal with issues.

HonNL:
Omoyele Sowore

I have come to understand that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, a competent head can go a long way in easing an already uneasy head. The VP has so far done a great job his office is required to which is support the president. The Trump/Pence presidency in America made me understand this. The Biden administration has made me understand that talk is cheap, we can talk all we want but if it is not backed up with results it's trash.

In the hierarchy of authority the president makes the final decision, you may not agree with the president's stand but as a vice you disagree and follow through with the final decision. This is a difficult pill to swallow but that's how it is, you may have the most competent VP but if you yourself are not competent and you choose to refuse good counsel the result is failure.

Most people say he should resign, these same people are working with leaders that they don't necessarily agree with their ideology yet they haven't resigned.

BadRadio:
What does having both parents or a single parent do in the life of a child while growing up?

Is it important for a child to be raised under the care, nurturing and supervision of both parents?

Do single baby mummies and daddies have issues with this in the long run?

Pls I need sincere answers. Thanks

It important to note that father's and mother's have different roles they play in the upbringing of a child. Same way petrol, engine oil and coolant are all important but play different roles in a vehicle.

A father is meant to instill discipline in a child, to show the child what it means to be a man or the type of man you should be with. A mother is there to nurture the child and help in creating systems that will ensure the child achieves success in life.

Every child needs both parents, there is no vacuum in life, if you are a single parent, it is either you get a father or mother figure for your child or the child goes out to go get one themselves. It could be house maid, gate man, teacher, uncle, parent boss etc. Especially boys, they need men to teach them what it takes to be a man.

The vacuum always automatically gets filled by someone, most single parents ignore this aspect and it most times lead to a whole world of pain and they use the phrase "after all I have done for you" but the truth is that you didn't do enough, there is an emotional blackhole that requires closing that has remained open for years.

Being a single parent is tough, but it can be made easier by having the necessary support accompanied with the right system.

Omooba77:
Why do many people fear death? Death is just transition from one realm to another, if you have Jesus, going to heaven should be a thing of joy.

Death is the fear many join occultism, doing rituals and so on.

Everyone has a purpose, until we maximise that purpose, there is a void in our hearts, fear resides in that void. We basically know we have not fulfilled purpose and we desire more time.

ibrutex:
To start with , do your spouse know how much your salary is at the end of the month..

Would you tell her if their is an increment and how much is added??

Well! To me I wouldn't let her know if their is increment because I can't let someone finish the salary for me before I received , last last she will still be the one that take most share...

Maybe I acted wrongly , need your reasons.

The reason you wouldn't tell your spouse about a salary increment is because you lack a family vision, and since you lack a family vision, it's safe to say there are no family systems in place to manage the critical components of the family.

ChineduChinedu:
Please help, I need advice, I am very confused man, I don't know what to do in this situation

There is this girl I met in Lagos she help me find a house in Lagos from there we started dating.

I Asked her to marry me and get pregnant for me. Later she got pregnant for me.
She started disturbing me about marriage rights.

On the wedding day I discovered that she has 3 children for one man.
I have asked her several times even before she got pregnant she keep saying no

A day before the wedding, one of my uncle called me and tell me that one babalawo said that the woman I want to marry has 3 kids already.

All that day I wasn't myself I woke her up at midnight and forced the truth out of her
She admitted and start begging me to forgive her, she said she has been looking for the best time to tell me. All this are happening on our wedding day, she beg me not to tell anyone that it can be secrets between me and her àlone, I insisted that I must tell my people from my state enugu to Lagos

My people discouraged me and said I should thank God for revealing this early.
That's how I cancelled the church wedding.

Court marriage 30th September
Church wedding 2nd October
But Before that wedding day, we did court marriage, I told her that I don't want to do court marriage because if she cheat on me I will divorce her and loose my half of my money she got angry, the first day we didn't talk, 2nd day same, Then 3rd day she start packing her loads, I beg her to stay that we have few days to church wedding she insisted that If I don't do the court that I should cancel the church wedding that she can't trust me without court marriage

We did the court marriage, without my parents consent cuz it didn't come from my heart, her junior brother is the one that sighn for me in the court

I don't know what to do in this situation oo

Her first son is 13 years
2nd son 8 years
3rd girl 6 years
And now she is pregnant for me aa

Am 30 years while I don't know her real age

We have lived together for 8 months before I could discover this
And during this period we have been together
She controls me alots and that make me sad
She shout at me too
If ask me to do something for her and I refuse it becomes problem

Please what do I do ?

Get the lady on tape saying that she didn't inform you that she had 3 children before you got married to her, that can be used as evidence. Then go to the court and annul marriage because it was contracted on falsehood.


"By virtue of Section 3 (1) (d) of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1970
Fraud or Duress
Fraud is where there is dishonest misrepresentation by a party to the marriage by which the consent of the other was obtained, while duress is when a party to the marriage is compelled to contract such marriage by creating a state of fear or apprehension, which prevented the party from freely consenting to the marriage. Where consent is proved to have been obtained by fraud or duress, the marriage is annulled not because of the presence of fraud or duress but because of the absence of consent."

iwaeda:
https://guardian.ng/features/railway-corporation-seeks-n61-5b-for-maintenance-generates-n1-13b/

Photo: Managing Director of the corporation, Fidet Okhiria

These are some of the reasons we complain about borrowing for infrastructure, you generate 1billion and a chunk of your operating cost is 61 billion. We borrow to build the train, we borrow to maintain the train, that's not a good sign. We ought to get our people productive so that their activity is taxable and they have the means to move their goods and services with the infrastructure built. Empower is an ineffective program, we need to get finance to MSMEs and encourage them to export their goods outside the country. Instead of sending our NYSC candidates to go teach in schools, we ought to get them trained in some form of skill for a year and give them startup funds after their service year.

ambr055i:
Please, I need your advice because right now I'm confused about where to go, it's a lifelong decision.

I just turned 34 last month, still living with my uncle, but no pressure on his part is a big house. Currently, I teach in a school where my net salary and my home lesson inclusive are approx. N 100000 a month. I have a master's degree in engineering, so I haven't put that certificate to use. I have a saving of 900k, it will be higher by December. Although it would have been more than that, I lost 400,000 to the detriment of a bad investment. Last two years, I had an illness that struck (ENT related), which doesn't have a cure. One of the symptoms is vertigo (a sensation of feeling off-balance). This made me change my mind about travelling. For a few months now, I haven't had the experience.

I have three thoughts, but I can only do one at a time.

Firstly, leave my uncle's house, get an apartment. Use the rest of the money to start a business as a side hustle while working with the school.

Secondly, leave my uncle's house, get an apartment. Next, I invest my time in a tech skill (web dev, programming or data science).

Thirdly, travel to the US for my PhD program. I have already been preparing for my GRE before now.

Thank you.

You have a BEng and MEng that you haven't used, what is the guarantee that the Ph.D. you will use it? I mean stop leaving in the past, today's world is all about results and solving problems and not gathering degrees. You need to understand that the present education system we run has outlived itself, it was designed for the industrial revolution which was characterized by mass production, to mass-produce goods you need to mass-produce people, that's why we take the same test or we are categorized by a grading system but the real world is categorized by results. The education system relevant in today's world is rather bespoke, the number one sought-after skill today is how creatively can one solve problems. It will shock you that youtube is a better university than most of the universities in the country because with youtube I can learn to solve problems and get paid for it.

You need to go through the journey of self-discovery, what are you gifted in? what are you passionate about? This is where your breakthrough lies, the beauty of the whole thing is that there are free tests you can do online to know your gifts.
Go do these tests or ask people close to you what they think you are good at, tie your gifts to a skill of the future and start working on learning the skill, join professional bodies and forums that offer the skill.

As for your accommodation, I will advise you to give yourself say 2 years to find your gift and master it in form of a skill. So create a 2 year plan with a timeline and milestones, remember only discipline will make you follow through with your plan. The reason I ask you to stay is because of stability, at your uncle's place you don't have to think about rent, food, utilities, etc. secondly learning and mastering a skill will involve so financial commitment.

God bless you and see you at the top

mbahdi:
Please doctors in the house what do we call this?

My friend couldn't contain his joy,I can remember the night he broke the news to me,he was so excited, he took me to a joint where we opened alot of bottles in celebration of him meeting his wife a virgin, despite he was a bad guy.

The problem now is that each time the wife is pregnant she will have miscarriage, this has happened about two times cant endure it anylonger he took the wife for a test,and it was discovered that the wife have an infection which has been in her body for a long time.

Please how possible can someone you meet a virgin have infection.although before the guy married her she lives in face me I slap you apartment with the parents, it was out of the joy the guy have marrying her a virgin that he rented a 3bed room apartment for the parents. Please what could be the cause of the infection?

Infections don't only come from having sex, it can come through physical contact, ingestion, poor hygiene etc.

JustNumb:
Hey guys I'll just be brief.

Straight to the point.

My wife is having an emotional affair.

Whats making it worse?

It's with a pastor with wife and children. Her pastor when she was in another state.

Now they're both in different states.

How did I know?

I saw her chat with him about 2+ years ago, and saw all the sweet name calling, the pet names and how they tell each other their activities of the day and even marital problems.

All the red flags and checklist of an emotional affair have been ticked by them.

The only thing remaining is the sexual part.

We've been married for some years now, she was a virgin when I married her though I'm 100% sure they have not met since we got married.

But the issue here is that this is causing serious friction in our marriage.

When I first saw it, I gave some time to be sure and I confronted her and she denied and said he's just her pastor (denial is one of the checklist).

Some months later they didn't stop the communication, I was about to tell her mum cos she visited. She pleaded and I let it slide.

Fast forward to 2021 they are still in communication. This time around the so called pastor is even always reminding her to clear chats so I won't see it.

Now emotional affair is actually worse than sexual affair
This pastor has a wife. I just pity the wife cos I can imagine how she would also be feeling.

I provide for the home, I also had to change from biz to the one that makes me travel to something that makes me work from home so she won't say it's cos I'm not always around.

We struggle with our sex life. What do I mean? She doesn't like sex. She doesn't mind if we stay 1 year without sex.

But me I'm a man with sexual needs.

Now when I see the way she doesn't like sex and I remember this emotional affair, it drives me crazy.


Those who have passed thru this, how did you overcome this challenge?
I don't want a broken home for my children cos sometimes I feel like calling her people and telling them to take their daughter back. Infact I'll dash them the bride price.

Do I go and get a side chick? But that won't solve my problem.

Guys come to my aid.

Cos if we discuss this again, this will be the 3rd time we're talking about same issue and same guy.

Sorry wasn't brief

Get professional help quickly, the longer you wait the stronger the bond, they are already fantasizing about how great sex will be with each other, the day the pastor visits your city, the deed will be done, and trust me that day is coming. Go online and contact Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo or his wife and set up an appointment, they deal with issues like this. Do it quickly.

EBMedia:
https://igberetvnews.com/1401903/group-calls-falz-aisha-yesufu-run-presidency-2023-election-photo/

We cant afford to be emotional in decision making, we need to make decisions based on the requirements of Nigeria today. Our foremost requirement is social integration (bringing a divided people back together), secondly creating prosperity through a sustainable economy based on diversification, thirdly true federalism ...... etc. The question is do these candidates have what it takes to do this? I don't think so.

Kehindeaj78:
I live outside the country but I entrusted my house development with my parents in Nigeria, but they leave in a rented apartment. They're are due for new rent payment at their rented apartment which i sent them the money, only for them to call me that they don't want to rent another apartment again and have moved into my ongoing house and used the money to do somethings in the ongoinghouse. What do I do?

You don't entrust a goat with a lion. Meaning you cant be sending your parents to build a house for you when they are living in a rented apartment. Your parents don't hate you, neither are they greedy, they just have a need and the solution to that need is under their noses. your only remedy now is to start building another house for yourself. There are companies registered in UK and US that build homes for people in Nigeria one of such is Aridan Construction Company registered in the UK, you can use such companies to avoid stories that touch.

I remember him as a child when we lived in warri, he was known then as group captain Ibrahim kefas. May his soul rest in peace.

Dizzyish:
Please I need advice, any advice.
I graduated with a 3rd class in Chemistry from three years ago (I only blame myself for that) and after I finished my NYSC a year ago I just plunged into a depressive state in regards to my mistake (my education) and my future (career) sometimes breaking down in tears when I think of things I've taken for granted in my life.

I started working on myself a few months ago and I've made some progress I proud of but every now and then it's easy to be overwhelmed with self doubt.
I made a cv without work experience along with a cover letter a few days ago and applied for a few entry level jobs like graduate intern, sales, restaurant supervisor etc via jobberman and the companies email but I'm not too sure I'll be getting any calls from them.
I didn't come here to get sympathy just an honest advice or opinion on what to do.

Can I do a pgd in chemical engineering or just chemistry or pursue a business or computer/tech course, are there jobs I can get with my degree maybe to get skills and work experience?
I deeply appreciate any advice. Thank you.

First of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself, secondly, we need to work on your confidence, if you are a Christian say Philippians 4:13 to yourself 45 times every day 15 times morning afternoon, and night.

You need to understand the dispensation we are in as per education, the present education system we run was designed during the industrial revolution, the core of that period was mass production. As a result, the education system had to produce in mass professionals. But as of today, things have changed people are required to offer specialized, customized, and bespoke services in the workplace, as of today a degree is not the most precious thing to an employer but creativity and innovation in problem-solving.

Building today's skill has to come from personal development, it starts with identifying one's gifts (the things you do effortlessly and get the best results in) and enhancing the gift through self-development. so, forget about your degree and discover your gift, take courses/training to sharpen them, join professional bodies associated with your gifts, and participate in them. another route is to go online and find the skills of the future, decide on on of the skills, pay the price of learning the skill thoroughly.

I think a bigger issue aside skills is innovative ideas. What is our people's threshold for solving problems. These days we see so many people claiming to be developers but they don't go past designing websites. Or the latest bug which is payment platforms, we need to apply technology in agriculture, transportation, housing, management etc.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

The problem here is not really the chores or church or career, the problem is break in communication. A home is a system of different components working together, to achieve success every component needs to be clearly defined as to how they will function. As a result of lack of communication the parties responsible for each component are doing what they deem right. I will advise you get professional help from a counsellor quickly, there is already resentment in the air, should this metamorphose to the next level, the marriage will be irredeemable. Get help soonest.

[quote author=Oluwabash post=105787593][/quote]We have had too many conferences with zero implementation, we don't need another conference until the other conference reports are implemented.

Irijosa777:
I wrote my final exam in July this year, few weeks later I was in Delta when my course adviser called me to come to school (Uniben), that it's a matter of urgency, I went to school, then I meet her in the HOD office. She told me I failed two courses in my final exam. She said the department is going to upgrade one to "" then wave the other one to me but by imprecation I will graduate as a 2.2 student.
When, I thought about it if I should accept it or come back again to write the two courses (one in 1st semester and the other in 2nd semester) to get 2.1. it was a hard decision for me to make but then I made the decision to accept the offer because of the following reason.
1. Uniben is becoming too stressful/ I'm already tired.
2. The financial expenses involved
3. Economics department in Uniben is not a joke.
4. The probability of me getting "A"s if rewrite the two courses is very low.
5. ASUU and strike
Based on the following reasons I accepted the offer, result came out I graduated as a 2.2 student but some how I started feeling sad. Though 2.2 is not the best but then I also graduate myself. I can't come and kill myself ( schooling in Nigeria university is like war).
If I may ask, did I took the wrong decision?
Opinions please!

I think your question is more about time than it is about grade, is one willing to sacrifice a year for a 2:1 or take a 2:2 and decide on what to use that same year for? If I were a student like you I would have taken a short at a 2:1 but as an entrepreneur today I won't trade a year for a 2:1.

One important thing people don't realise early is that 2:1 merely gets you to the door of employment into organisation, it doesn't guarantee you get the job or succeed in the job. It just get one close enough, which sometimes is all that is necessary.

In today's world a degree doesn't guarantee success in life, investment in self education is what guarantees a future. We have entered into the fourth industrial revolution and not up to 5 university in Nigeria offer courses that pertains to IR4.0, the world is drifting towards alternative energy, Blockchain technology is threatening our banks, data is the new gold etc.

I will suggest you forget about your 2:2 and start working on becoming a global citizen, go check for skills of the future, read about them and decide on one of them to focus on go online and get courses on it the beauty of it all is that many of these courses are free, join forums and professional bodies on your desired skills be active in such forums so that when opportunity comes you will be remembered. If you can follow through with this, before you get deployed for nysc , 2 years after you will be miles away from your peers.

etokhana:
https://punchng.com/todays-saddest-in-my-political-career-says-ojudu-as-ffk-joins-apc/?amp&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter&__twitter_impression=true

Politics is a means to an end for FFK, long story short, FFK is broke, PDP can't finance his lifestyle atm so we switch lanes to the party that can.

Handwork is relative to what's in demand, so you may have to research the city you intend relocating to to understand the demand. Handwork is very structured abroad, people are trained and licensed to practice, so put that in mind.

Kadejo:
I meet this lady during COVID-19 pandemic period which was last year May 2020. She is still a student in a reputable University here in Nigeria, 300Level to be precise. She is 25years old.
She has insisted that until she finishes her school, gone for service and do what ladies call "Sisi" for at least another one year, she won't get married. That will be about 4years to this time.

I am in my mid 30s already, working class, earn below #70k per month, also into IT business, willing to get married now because I feel lonely, also need to build a family of my own before I turn 40yrs.

This lady in question appears to show me love, that's to her own way, my orientation is a bit different, I love her too anyways.

But would you advice I wait for her till she is done with all she has said or should I leave her and look for someone else to get married to?

Please, no insult, advice needed from experienced person.

Thank you.

First you need to understand that marriage is a union that helps fulfill both partners needs. Presently you both have parallel needs aligning them is near impossible, the logical thing to do is to look for someone with similar needs as yours.

binarymachine:
“Okay, back up a second, I can do forgiveness but you see forgetting? Uh uh I can’t. You see I come from a long line of historians, we keep track of people who have done us wrong, so I am definitely not going to do that. People do not actually change, they say they do but they don’t, you have to shine your eyes, watch out for the next time they are going to do the same thing, so you toss them off and move on”.

Wait- that’s a whole lot of work, to watch out for someone’s mistakes. Well let’s move on.
Now, What Does It Actually Mean To Forgive?
Well, from the English Dictionary It means;

a) To absolve somebody completely for a past or wrong doing;
b) to pardon with neither resentment nor a view to retribution.

Now To Forget means to overlook, pass over, disremember.

Look at the second definition of Forgive carefully, it says to pardon “without resentment”. How would you forgive someone and then still have that chip on your shoulder. Wait, What? What kind of chip? Well it’s the one you have as a constant reminder that somehow, somewhere that person you just forgave will repeat the same thing or even worse do something more terrible to you. So you tell the person you have forgiven him/her and you convince yourself that you have, but deep within, you sure know you’re holding back.

Robert Brault said- “If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one”. I would beg to disagree because you see,
If you pick forgiving and decide not to forget, often times you may find yourself stuck. How so? When you forgive an individual for wronging you, you give yourself the opportunity to move on,to grow. If the person is your friend, you know he/she won’t deliberately hurt you and even if they do, it would be a mistake, and they would immediately apologise.

Now, the growth process will make this person (friend or not) to be a better individual if he chooses to. But most importantly you will be a better person and you will feel good, better you would feel great.
Look at it this way? How would you feel if you lashed out on your friend in anger. She is hurt and you apologise quickly, you didn’t mean to hurt her, but for your “quick tongue”. She says she has forgiven you and now you have the past behind you and both move on. Seems the friendship is progressing until six months later, you lashed out on her again, this time not deliberately.

The therapist you’ve been visiting for the past months said you breathe in and breathe out for at least five seconds before saying anything when angry. It has been working but today you slipped, this one time, so you apologise. She is enraged, she looks you in the face and says you’ll never change, that you’d keep doing the same thing over and over again, to make matters worse, she goes down memory lane to recount each of your past misdoings. Yes I know how you would feel. Your shoulders are slumped, you’re sorry and hurt.

You realize now, she didn’t actually forgive you, she just told you she did but she didn’t in the real sense of the word. The progress you were trying to make to be a better person now looks like a mirage. You feel terrible. Then you may decide to break off the relationship to stay true to yourself and be with someone who would help your growth process. Or worse, you may decide to believe that you aren’t going to be a better individual, that you will never change and pretty soon it will take a toll on you.
On the other hand, to truly forget a wrong, you have to go through a process of healing, which will make it easy for you to move on.

After all, Confucius said-” To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it”. This can’t really happen without you forgiving the person who hurt you and forgiving yourself. You forgive yourself for letting this person into your life, and letting him/her hurt you that way.

Now don’t take this the wrong way, forgiving and forgetting a person’s wrong shouldn’t make you to constantly allow toxicity in your life or allow people who constantly bring you down to remain. Sometimes if it’s a friendship, forgetting may mean to shut the door completely and never look back, never allow such a fellow into your life again. It helps your sanity.

In forgiving and forgetting, you get to be wiser, stronger and very powerful- you are in control of your emotions. You know the people to avoid in the future and you know the people to let in, you know the steps to take when wrong and you know how to let go and move on. I’ll conclude with this quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive, forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
Source:
https://flipmemes.com/2021/08/25/is-there-such-a-thing-as-forgive-and-forget/

There is definitely a forgive and forget phenomenon, most people say they can forgive but they can't forget, the truth is that what sustains forgiveness is forgetting past hurt, the two entities have to be mutually inclusive for it to work.

The biggest question here is what does it mean to forget, I will define it as to stop thinking about the situation and stop talking about the situation. The reason we can't remember remember half of what has been taught us in school is because we don't think about it and we don't talk about it, but the minute we begin to dwell on the thoughts, the past begin to run wild on our emotions. We don't forget because we have a short memory we forget because we choose to.

Iyaebe:
The marriage between Annie Idibia and 2face is obviously a toxic one due to interference of his baby mamas. The battle has been between Annie Idibia and 2face's baby mama Pero, while 2face has been carrying out his polygamous responsibilities diligently Annie seems to have problems with that which has somehow brought her out as a toxic woman. Please without been biased which of them 2face, Annie Idibia and Pero Adeniyi is truly responsible for the toxic marriage?

I don't believe any one of them is toxic, they are simply navigating waters that they were not prepared for, the waters her is a blended family.

It takes a lot of wisdom to be a part of a blended family, most times people don't count the cost before getting involved in a blended family, everything is interwoven in a blended family, different interests, different agendas, different motivations.

Annie still hasn't realized that a part of Tuface belongs to two other women, she assumed marriage gave her exclusive rights to him. That is the bone of contention here, it's all about right and ownership, Tuface might not be married to the other 2 baby mamas but he has a relationship with them as a result of the children. Those children didn't ask to be born, but here they are, they have to be raised and trained, both parents are responsible for these tasks and have to put differences aside and get to work.

Tuface needs to understand that he is the head of a blended family and as such, he has to create and sell a vision and purpose for the family. If he doesn't know how to do it he should get professional help. Everyone in the family needs to know where they stand, their right, their privileges, their boundaries etc. That's the only way to carry everyone along, the Idibia clan has to get a therapist and work things over together fast. It would be unfortunate if this mess moves to the next level, which is the children having animosity among themselves.

It will be nice that the world give them some privacy to settle their issues, I do hope young folks hopping from bed to bed learn lessons from this.

It takes a lot of wisdom to be a part of a blended family, most times people don't count the cost before getting involved in a blended family, everything is interwoven in a blended family, different interest, different agenda, different motivation.

Annie still hasn't realised that a part of Tuface belongs to two other women, she assumed marriage gave her exclusive rights to him. That is the bone of contention here, it's all about right and ownership, Tuface might not be married to the other 2 baby mamas but he has a relationship based with them based as a result of the children, those children have to be raised and trained, both parents have to put differences aside and get to work.

Tuface needs to understand that he is the head of a blended family and as such, he has to create and sell a vision and purpose for the family. If he doesn't know how to do it he should get professional help. Every one in the family need to know where they stand, their right, their privileges, their boundaries etc. That's the only way to carry everyone along, the Idibia clan has to get a therapist and work things over together fast. It would be unfortunate if this mess moves to the next level, which is the children having animosity among themselves.

Dear sir uncle young player and aunty cheerful giver, better zip up to avoid dealing with this kind of mess when you get older. Don't have children with multiple women/men if you do not have a plan on how to manage the situation.

I'm not surprised, when we have a government that pays ransom to terrorist, and pardons terrorist at the slightest plea, this is the result we get. Crime is emboldened in the society. It started with Ak 47 Fulani cattle herdsmen, they did nothing, then boko haram, they handle with kid glove, now bandits, they willingly pay ransom. The northwest and northeast are already qualify to be termed failed state.