₦airaland Forum

Naanlong01:
He is alive and they are living together. His own case is the worst, he is a federal government pensioner who prefers to drink alcohol and play bet with the token government still pays him monthly and come home to eat from the food mamma manages to cook without his penny in it as a contribution. Am not in the same state with them.

Hmmmm...your father needs to step up and handle his responsibilities and not shift his role to you. But it seems like it's too late for that.

And if your sisters are above 21, they really need to get their acts together. Talk to them and make them understand that soon you will stop sending the monthly stipend.

Everyone needs to learn to earn for themselves. It's unfair to depend on one person.

freecocoahubby:
@OP

If you like, listen to stupid advise like this.

Your wife, no matter how much of an 'angel' she appears to be, will NEVER put you first before her own family - so if you like, you can choose to be as daft as your uncle and choose to make a woman (who can divorce you tommorow) a priority above your own siblings and parents. I can only wish you the best!

I don't expect you to understand my comment. Hopefully the op is a Christian and must have stumbled upon that truth in the bible.

As for you, you can get married and treat your wife like an outsider or intruder. You will learn.

Naanlong01:
My people, i need advice on how to escape being a victim of a saying that ; one rich person among six other people that are poor, they are togetherly poor.
I am the only son and in-between two female siblings that are not doing well at all, i am 29 and planning to marry by next year but whenever i remember the enormous task of improving the living standard of my parents and two sisters, i'm always overwhelmed with thoughts and worries. Its not that i'm comfortable yet but i can feed myself and manage to save up 30k monthly while am still trying to expand my business to attain at least 100k monthly savings before the year ends, but the thought of how to help my family and who to start with beats me all the time.
So if you have been through this successfully, kindly help with tips. My babe is understanding and she is also my dream girl i don't want to loose her due to lack of desired attention because of my family needs, she needs me too.
I can't even dare tell them that am courting already.

Where does your dad fall in all of this? Is he alive?

Naanlong01:
Now you have just mentioned my worst fear, business! My elder sister though living under a man not married to and with two kids has on her own tried at least three businesses that never succeeded, mum on the other hand has tried provision and food stuff when i was just growing up but at last she packed up and currently she is selling petty provisions again in less than two years she is has incured 50k debt from whom she buys goods, note: i just got to know about the debt last week and had to tell her to stop the business while i try offsetting the bill gradually every month. So this made me conclude that they both aren't cut out for business.

So what is the man's contribution to her life. Or he's also depending on the money you send to her. You have to draw the line or you will forever be a prisoner of their requests.

So you decided to still leave the goat with the yam. Well done.

Prepare your hands for more slapping

They are your family and you need to help them as much as you can. But don't let them blackmail you emotionally and make you feel like you are the solution to their every needs and wants.

They should be happy for you that you want to settle down except they feel entitled to your money and are scared that they won't be getting as much attention.

Besides when you keep spoon feeding your sisters, they believe you will always be there to give them money. And it won't push them to fend for themselves.

Be diplomatic. Don't respond to every request so that they don't forever be dependent on you.

You need to be strong and firm or else your wife to be will be getting a lot of attacks from them.

Do what you can and save for the future. If your money happens to finish, they will shift attention. Be wise

cleish:
Family comes first and then your gal. Try to balanced the equation btw both, while on that don't displease yourself or forsake your Family.

When he marries her, she also becomes his family and also comes first along with other family members. In fact, she comes first before them.

Chai! NL alpha males and redpillers have suffered.

emonis88:
What u refuse to wrap u imagination around is the fact that, men r in a constant struggle to stay aflot, financially. Maybe u don't work or do business, u r still bn feed, so u don't know or understand that a person might loose his job, or a business might ve difficulties n when such happens adjustments need to be done to keep the business aflot. In case of a working person, he or she has to also make financial adjustments till another job is gotten.

Whether I am being fed or making my own money ain't none of your business.

Is it everyone who loses his job or falls into financial problems? Don't you know anyone that hasn't been in that situation. Or you only know made guys who ran into difficulties.

Is that the dream, consolation and prayer of every struggling guy? That the already made guys will lose their job, business, become broke? So that it will justify their being broke? Wake up!

emonis88:
From what I said above, when such happens to an already made man, what do u do? U support him or u run away to another guy who is not experiencing difficulties at that time?

Why not let them cross that bridge when they get there instead of anticipating doom.

Lostz:
don't know Sha since I'm not married. But they partner with the local government

Why would one go for a community certificate that will be looked down on when they can go for the real deal.

I don't understand the running away from court by some men. We did the whole thing...trad, court, church...

I don't believe the couple should give themselves problems over getting married coupled with the other issues they will have to deal with from family and inlaws. They need to be in agreement.

Lostz:
Some communities now give legal marriage certificate

That can be used at an embassy? And at the bank?

Is it from a court?

Monaco2:
Ok but if that’s d case y is she insisting on court weeding, they can also take the ring to church n have her pastor bless the ring for them, it will be simple too

To be legally married, you need a marriage certificate. It's either from the court or a licensed church.

Just day 1

MarianaTrench:
Yes it does, you pay about 21K then they still hassle you to bring 2 crates of malt, 2 bottles of wine etc

21k should not be a big deal for someone that wants to get married. What court is that where they hassle you to buy drinks. We didn't hear of that when we got married. And it can't be mandatory.

Monaco2:
U can’t be so sure cause she said either court or church weeding, she did Not say it must be a court weeding..... what I’m thinking is maybe she wants different days for the whole thing. Probably after the traditional marriage, then a few days later then the white weeding will take place which means another food n drinks, I think that’s y d guy is sticking to only traditional marriage

She commented on the thread about it. She opted for court because it's not expensive but according to him, some elders advised him against a court wedding.

Monaco2:
Since it doesn’t costs much, I see no reason y she is complaining, all she need do is tell her fiancé she will pay for it

The money is not the issue for him. It's the idea of a court wedding that is his problem.

Onego:
Good day every one, I have been dating this guy for more than 3years,we have been through a lot but glory to God we have overcome.He really wants us to get married this year,but there is an issue which we have been battling which is he wants to do only traditional wedding, but I as a person I give him option which is traditional, court or church wedding, but he said no he is only going to do traditional because of fund.Right now he is treating to walk away if I don't agree. Am confuse what should I do? Thanks

It seems like a red flag. Why is he running from a court wedding? He's going into the marriage with reservations. He just as well sign a prenup.

The fact that he is threatening you is a bad sign. You should not agree with something you are not comfortable with.

Besides, you need a valid marriage certificate. For instance, just to change the name of my account/bvn to reflect my new name, I had to submit copies of my marriage cert, newspaper publication, etc to the bank. Or is it traditional marriage pictures you will show when you are asked for documents/proof? Especially for travel purposes.


Let him do the needful properly if he has nothing to hide.

Monaco2:
Since u want white weeding so bad, u should fund it na abi Na only man money dem Dey use do weeding?!?

She said church or court? Court costs next to nothing

What movie is this?

CsRockefeller:
Nairaland doesnt constitute even 10% of opinions in Nigeria, go out there and the status quo remains.

That's always my consolation.

CsRockefeller:
You are right.

We really need to stop this idea and mentality of assuming that girls who go for already made guys are golddiggers. It's not everyone that will suffer with a guy. And it's not the recipe for a good marriage.

Guys here want ladies to aspire to only start and grow with a guy. Does it mean that guys should not make it before they meet their wives? They must wait for her to come and grow with them before they blow.

This mentality is faulty

emonis88:
And the already made guy, when he might have financial issues, the lady il find another already made man. What does that make the lady? Parasite? Or what?

Why is that always the argument? That he must have financial issues later. It's becoming a cliche.

Must every lady marry a struggling guy?

Are already made men supposed to remain single? Is it only the struggling guy that deserves to be married?

Is it every already made guy that will have financial issues that will make him broke? Financial issues have levels.

Let's be open minded and stop portraying struggling guys as the best option for marriage.

Lightangel65:
Nope would you still love him if he goes broke

Only if I married his money and not him.

Nn3muka:
The day you start supporting a man to pay rent, will be the beginning of all your problems.
Be ready to continue paying rents for the rest of your life.

It's either you take a walk now, or support him.

Very true words.

That's why they say don't start what you can't finish. Whatever you condone or start in a relationship/marriage, you will most likely continue doing it.

Lightangel65:
You can't have riches and love pick one. If you can't stay don't stay. But don't regret later if he makes it cause you will be a horrible person

Really? Never heard this before. Where was it stated that someone cannot have love and riches?

Paxie55:
Don't spend that money on him.
Use it and build yourself to attract well to do men lool.
Poor boys can love oo, but once the money is there, they start misbehaving.

Don't ever trust the love of a poor boy, he's even dishonest.
Btw, don't ever listen to the sermons of these 19year old kids on Nl.
They are very poor and would do anything to make you see poverty as a blessing.

You are mean I swear!

The bolded is so true.

Ibechris2:
When I met my wife I was still squatting. In fact I had nothing to my name except the clothes I wear daily and some books.

My father was obviously poor...but what kept us going was honesty and she loved me.

After about 5years,the story changed and changed for the better. I live in a comfortable apartment and I am so proud of my wife who i cherished for believing in me. And many other things i may not like to mention here.


If u believe in that ur guy,u can change his life and make him to be more ambitious and yearn for growth and prosperity. U might be the power that he needs to become what God wants him to be.
Do not lose sleep.

Not every lady will suffer with a man from scratch. It doesn't make them bad people. Each person has what they can and cannot take.

Well done chef. The presentation though

He is caring, cute, neat, treats you well is not enough to keep a marriage. What about his short term goals, long term goals, future plans? Or is he the laid back type? Because all this loving and caring you are enjoying will become useless to you when life hits you guys harder.

Crap!

Trying to justify losing virginity before marriage.

I can imagine what my dad saw when he went for his friend's burial in this same state.

No wonder he called all his daughters afterwards and warned us not to marry from that state.