₦airaland Forum

iammo:
on an hourly base rate I think they are.. I don't gross such per hour, but then I get more clients than them

So you think they earn like 400k in a month. If you calculate your salary on an hourly basis, don't you think it will be more.

iammo:
No I am a programmer whats your point exactly

It seemed like their jobs looked so appealing to you. Are they making more than what you earn as a programmer?

iammo:
strange world we leave in... bricklayers I used at some point charged me 3k a day after I begged for a 500 discount, and he barely worked 7 am to 7 pm .. my vulcanizer's only tool is fufu yet he gets 350 for his service, as shamefull as it sounds the artisans are richer

So are you a vulcanizer or bricklayer now?

SweetCunt97:
He probably meant those ones in Australia and Canada

And US

emonis88:
Like I said bf ur comments show how shallow ur experience is. Financial challenge means what? Lack of money, means that person doesn't ve enough of money like he used to. Haven't u seen rich men who say they r broke at a point in time? Then u see them keep away from their girlfriends till they get some cash.

That's why I said being broke has levels. But obviously, you have been reading to attack rather than reading to understand.

If not your "experienced" brain and eyes would have seen that. Mr experience.

Mizwisdom:
They might live a better life if adopted. I don't think he meant harm by advising him to give them to an orphanage, they have already lost a mother, the Father is struggling, do you think he can afford sending them to top schools home and away? but they might get that chance through adoption. I think that's why he threw in the suggestion. We are always so emotional, throwing words up and down, it's better for them to be in a comfortable home than to be eating from hand to mouth. OP will still marry again, the woman will have her own kids then start maltreating these beauties.

People go through difficult situations. The first option shouldn't be advising adoption. Have you advised anyone you know who has complained about finance to give up their children? Is it a wise advice to give?

Let the parents come up with that suggestion themselves. Not everyone will go to top schools. Are all the children who went to top schools successful? Many that went to public schools are doing well for themselves.

Advising someone to go and drop their children at an orphanage is not wise. What happened to dropping them with their grandma for sometime while he puts himself together

Ibadiaran19:
You have been warned

That's all I will say for now.

Warning not accepted.

Do your worst. Show yourself. Don't run away.

Ibadiaran19:
I said what I said.
Yes. It's me again.
I'm happy you know that I know how to throw shades and give appropriate clap backs to your types.
So it's good as you respected yourself and didn't pass your boundaries.
What exactly are you, to tell me what suggestion to give first to anyone on here?
You even had the audacity to tell me it's because I don't have children of my own, as if you know me.
Chai, I can only imagine how you use your daughter to throw subs at other women looking for the fruit of the womb.
Anyway, my advice to you is that:-
1. learn to mind your own business, so that you will live longer
2. learn to avoid my posts, so you live longer



Please, in your heartfulness, kindly donate to the OP's cause.
Put your money where your mouth is.
I don't really want to come hard on you, so I will remain civil with you for now.

Respect myself?

If I insult you, you will deactivate.

You think I will be saying slowpoke or those meaningless Yoruba words you were throwing around loosely.

If you don't come hard on me, it's for your own good. I don't do "you are mad, you are stupid". You will be sorry.

Take your privileged self to where you matter

viettastitches:
she actually thinks she gave a genius advice. you can imagine the level of heartlessness. A 21year old beautiful woman lost her life for those kids and their father should give them out because he doesn't have the kind of money she thinks she has.
I actually used to have respect for her.

The truth is that the OP's story could be fake. But the fact that someone who claims to have children will be quick to suggest sending them to a motherless babies home is just heartless.

eyinjuege:
There's nothing wrong in putting children up for adoption if you cannot properly care for them
Provided it will give them a better life.
Asking OP to consider adoption doesnt mean I don't empathise with his challenges raising up 2 babies on his own.
It's not only financial constraints that makes a parent give up their children for adoption by the way, but it's a good enough reason to do so.
Ill health in the parent could be another reason.
There are so many other reasons that may make it suitable for a child to be put in a home where they can be looked after properly.
I have just given a suggestion to the OP who brought up his matter on here.
You on the other hand are trying to compare my situation with the OPs, which is a bit slow of you. OPs main problem is the finances. That is not my own situation, so you cannot ask me to do same.
Why you look down on adoption is really your own cup of tea and not mine. It's an option anyone can choose to take.
I just let the OP know of that option, and it can be considered if he wants to.
I'm not cajoling him to, I didn't even quote the OP. But it's an option he can decide to consider.
Or perhaps go on Twitter as advised by someone else.
You on the other hand haven't given any advice to the OP. You've not even tried to donate for the children, at the very least.
You haven't even made any suggestions at all that can have any impact on OP and his children's situation.
Please, ever so kindly leave my suggestion and make your own.
I said what I said
Btw, why are you so pained about my financial situation? Wetin concern you with that?

Look down on adoption? Is that the first option you always give to people around you if they are incapacitated, financially down, etc?

Your driver, mechanic, carpenter complains about how difficult it is to fend for his kids after he lost his wife and you tell him to send them to a motherless baby's home, right?

I have intentionally not responded to your shades and insults because I have seen from your other comments that you are skilled at verbal abuse even supplying them in the official language of abuse.

Please learn how to advise people with wisdom and discretion especially when you have no idea what it means to be in that situation

eyinjuege:
You really are talking stupidly now. You need to do better btw.
It's not enough to just open yansh and be popping out kids. Any re.tard can do that.
I never considered giving up my children because I've never had any financial constraints looking after them.
I earn well my dear, well enough
If I need to earn more, I can easily do that too.
I think you should be more worried about your own child.

So why would your first advice to someone be to give up his children for adoption? Because you have been lucky to earn well and have NEVER had financial difficulty.

Therefore you don't have empathy when it comes to those who have been in financial difficulty so much so that you can advice a father who lost his wife to give up his children for adoption.

Since you don't know what it means to have financial difficulty as you have been privileged all the while, why comment when you cannot empathize?

Is it an advice you would give your brother? Let me guess...he also earns very well and has never been in financial difficulty.

Or is your advice only for people who don't earn well like you? Since they don't have money like you, let them go to an orphanage and keep the children there?

eyinjuege:
You are being a retard now.
Some of you will just come and speak nonsense towards people you know nothing about, just because you managed to have one pikin, we no go hear word again.
I'm very sure I finished having all my kids while you were still in primary school.
Don't ever quote me again.
Alábòdó

So have you considered giving up those your children that you had while I was in primary school for adoption? Did they grow up in an orphanage?

Sorry. You don't tell me who to quote. You don't have to respond.

eyinjuege:
Take them to a motherless babies home where they can be adopted legally. A good home would be found for them, together especially as they are still babies.
Good luck and may God bless them

You obviously do not have kids. You don't know what it is like to have offspring that came from you. That is why you can open your mouth and tell him to give them up for adoption.

So because he is going through difficult times, the best option is to give them up?

The choice of a wife is yours and not your mum's. Off course advice can be taken from her but not when it is obviously irrelevant and flimsy. Your mum prefers fair ladies...is she the one marrying her?

About the living arrangement, let your fiancee go somewhere else for now if she can. When your mum is tired and there's no one(your fiancee) to assist with housework, she will go.

Know that whoever you marry...fair, dark, from the same village or not, your mother will still trying to cause trouble. So don't give her room to interfere

SpecialAdviser:
Some husbands can really have a horrible attitude. What is difficult in calling the young man to order?

Just keep talking to him sha. Don't make serious trouble out of it.

I wonder why the brother should stay 5 whole years with them with probably no contribution from him, yet he wants to be treated like a king.

Some people should know when they have overstayed their welcome. They don't need to wait for someone to tell them to leave. He will soon marry and bring in his wife. After all, it's his brother's house.

Mizwisdom:
Exactly. She poos outside the house and takes her bath in afternoon at people's backyards. It's not a good thing to witness. The boys are still young so they can bath outside without shame but they also poo outside

That man has failed as a husband

As long as they are in agreement. She married into the family, it should be fine.

These days, when people ask me where I am from, I mention my LGA and husband's own as my new LGA.

When it comes to naming a child, both of them should agree

Mizwisdom:
You're right. Her husband lives in that same house but his wife and kids(toddlers) are not allowed to use toilet and bathroom. Nobody is saying anything about it, the woman still cooks for all to eat and does house chores .

That's a terrible thing for a woman to do to her grandchildren and to her DIL. It could have been settled in a better way. People always point out and complain of how DILs are towards their MILs but they don't see how MILs can be wicked. Can she act that way towards her own daughter?

I blame the husband that cannot fight for his wife and children. Maybe he feels helpless because it's his mother's house.

ranmoor:
As for me, God forbids! I can't even wish my mom for an enemy !

Really? On this forum where mothers are seen as superhuman?

Mizwisdom:
This same thing happened to someone I know. The lady lives with her mother in law but doesn't wash toilet. The mother in law locked it up and now the lady and her kids defacate outdoors. It's an extreme measure but I wanted you to see that if it was you not washing the toilet but living with your in laws, they will lock it up.

People will hardly bat an eyelid if it is done to the wife. But you can imagine if the OP(wife) does that to her inlaws...her husband's family, that one will be an abomination, reproach, insult, disrespect...in their brother's house??

They will call family meeting and ask her why she cannot wash the toilet her husband's brother uses. This is Nigeria where many believe a wife is the household unofficial slave.

Please you have no business washing your brother inlaw's toilet. Do you dress his bed and sweep his room too? I bet he doesn't wash his plate or even clear it from the table.

Don't complain to your husband or brother. Simply and silently make some changes. Stop cleaning his room/toilet. If he cannot clean the toilet he uses, then he should leave it like that.

The fact that you married the family doesn't mean, your BIL has the same privileges you give your husband.

APOPTOSIS:
PLEASE, I am not trying to approve of or justify what the young man is doing, I am totally against such. However, I am yet to see a married Lady complain about her own relatives whenever they visit her matrimonial home.

It's always Married Ladies complaining about their mother in Laws, brother in Laws, sister in Laws.

Yet this Lady's Relatives visit and become permanent residents in her own matrimonial home, chase the man of the house away.....

Why..? and it's getting too much.
MEN are now scared.

That's so untrue. She would have scolded her brother from day 1. But has to be careful with a brother inlaw before it is seen as disrespect. You know the way they might put the wife under scrutiny.

Fabbyking:
knacking her or not is not the board of contention here, thank you

If you truly see her as just your friend, your answer to that question should have been a clear NO.

If you are sleeping with her, you just want to have your cake and eat it, using excuses of not loving or wanting to light skin girl to deceive yourself.

emonis88:
Lol! R u piqued that I just had to say it? Cus from d way u talk, I don't think u r someone with a certain level of experience. It is not necessary for one to be in d predicament himself, but must ve seen one who had such, therefore guards against such occurrence in his life. N I think one of such moves is to keep away from women like u, who r only in for the better n not for d worse.

Sorry I don't align with your mindset. Still, it's not everyone that will face a financial challenge that will make him/her broke. Sad truth for you.

Let us know when he gives you the real beating. Since you are stuck there.

stupidmods:
what if she doesn't get pregnant?
you'll end the relationship abi?
if you do so, then you never really loved her

And what if after breaking up with 3 girls that refused to get pregnant, he begins to reason that he might be the problem. Will he break up with himself?

freecocoahubby:
That gives it all away. That right there!

So you're one of those leaching parasitic wives who depend solely on their husbands - busy fighting spiritual battles with your husband's people because of money .. Hahaha
.
Must suck to be you

Sorry I cannot help your family orientation. I didn't grow up in a setting where they think of spiritual battles or whatever else you come up with.

You can move on and discuss with someone else with your kind of orientation because I am done with this immature talk.

freecocoahubby:
See her mouth. He's "obligated" to take care of her because she dropped her father's name (a man) to take up her husband's (another man's) name like a commodity.

"Independent" women who are forever cursed with bearing the names of the lords over their lives: MEN .. why not eat your motherfvcking father's name then. Your sense of entitlement is so repulsive! You confidently said man should take care of you because you move from one man's name to another?.. I've always had the belief that women on Nairaland are inherently stupid - and you gits repeatedly prove that to be factual!

From your rants, I can tell your husband puts his family first before you (as he should) and you are PRESSED about that.

As a wife, I am more entitled to my husband's money and wealth because we have become one. If you like kill yourself.

Guess what! He is not one with his father, mother or siblings. He is one with me

You better live your life and leave your brother's wife to rest if you are one of those tormentors.

Pressed indeed. His father put his mother first and protected her and thankfully, he learnt from his dad. I don't have people fighting me because of my husband. We are all family and he gives everyone attention as needed.

So stop belly aching and crying like an angry child

Mizwisdom:
People need to stop depending on kids financially, wise folks use their youth to work so that apart from funding their children's education they can also save up for their retirement so they won't be a burden on their kids. What about people who don't have children, who takes care of them in old age? it's from their savings and investments they live off their retirement years. Learn, and stop praying stupid prayer for people you've never met in real life

That is the main issue here. They depend on their children for survival and expect him to focus on them and put his wife in the background since she is not part of their family.

If parents had the number of children they can comfortably take care of and also invest for the future, all this issue won't come up.

The OP's father has obviously refused to be disciplined with his plan for the future and his son is paying for his failure. And someone will still expect the guy to carry all the load

freecocoahubby:
It's you that will learn.
My prayer for you is that, if you ever get to have a son, may he choose his wife over you, may he completely abandon you and his siblings because of a strange woman he would call his 'wife'- then you can come back on Nairaland and repeat the same nonsense you've typed up here. Hypocrite!

When I have my son, I will teach him the value of marriage and how he needs to put his wife first. And that's why he needs to be very careful with his choice of a wife. Do you think it is ordinary that a woman drops her name and family and takes on a man's name. That man has the obligation to care for her and see that no harm comes to her.

However your idea of marriage is that a man brings in a strange woman to intrude in his already "happy" family.

Thank God for my mother, God bless her soul. But she encouraged my brothers to put their wives first. And she lived her own life and didn't have to interfere with their lives.

By God's grace, my husband and I will build a life that doesn't make us dependent on our children for survival so much that we start fighting his wife.

If you call a wife a strange woman it means you also see your mum as a strange woman that your father is living with.

It is when things are not going well with a family that they come up with many stories of strange women...witches...and so on...and fight his union with his wife over entitlement mentality.

And the purpose of this thread is..............

You seem like an angry person that reads meanings into things and takes offence easily.

Take it easy.