₦airaland Forum

Recently, I was speaking to my friend who has two boys. She said she wanted only boys because boys usually take care of their mums. I asked her one question that made her rethink. I asked her ...amongst her and her siblings, who visits the parents more, checking in on them often. Her answer changed her mind.

Both genders are valuable though. They all have their parts to play.

True that it's the ladies that are most likely to sleep in the hospital with their parents or children. At different times when my parents were hospitalized, it was the ladies that took turns staying and caring for them.

There are other ways the guys show their own support. It was never an issue we fought about.

Filomena:
There's this guy I met in school and there has been this connection between us. We have gradually become friends. I find myself staring at him most of the time and when he tries to catch me, I hide my face. I have also observed that he stares at me a lot too and smiles and then says hey to me.

We had a small talk in school too. I didn't know he stayed in campus too so one night when I was going out to read, I saw him, like I couldn't believe it because I thought I was not going to see him again after they declared the two weeks strike, till it was called off. So I was really shocked and happy when I saw him. Then he hugged me and I hugged him too and held him tight.

So he then asked if this was my room and I told him yes. He told me he just escorted his friend that just finished cooking for him. I felt bad hearing that because I felt they had something more. So he then asked me which church I'd be attending the following day, I told him and he said okay and told me good night. He didnt even ask for my phone number. I wonder why he didnt.

The other day he just saw me and didn't talk to me and i felt bad for that. So after that day I saw him and he was just busy staring at me and smiling and I wasn't really in the mood for that but I still stared back. He then told me hey and passed. He was with his friend and I greeted him too and passed.

So the last day I saw him, I was coming back from church and was hoping I'd see him again one last time before I travelled. Lo and behold, I saw him coming towards me with some of his friends. He then hugged me and we had a small chat. I was still hoping that he'd collect my number, still he didnt..

I dont know if he wants to have something with me or not since he's yet to ask for my number..

Please guys I need your thought on this cuz I really want to go into a relationship with him..
I want to know if he likes me or bidding his time or just playing around.

Thanks.

Sounds like "A guy's guide to get a lady in bed"

Day 1.Get her interested. Meet her and be nice but don't ask for her number.

Day 2. Keep teasing her and make small talk but still don't request for her number.

I don't remember much of it. But I had a friend in Uni who had his manual on how to get a girl in bed and it looks so much like how this mystery guy is playing out.

Avoid him like a plague. He seems experienced and you are naive.

Try not to make it your business because it isn't.

instinct57vm:
I have a female friend who got married last year October precisely.

Fast forward to March this year the Mother In Law came to stay with the couple in a bid to visit her hospital within the couple’s area for medical checkup, reason being that she stays a bit farther away in the same state.

Upon her Mother in law’s arrival, she came with my friend’s husband brother accompanied by his girlfriend who all planned staying and eventually stayed without prior notice.

My friend(the lady) is a banker and was only informed casually by her husband while she was at work on the day of their arrival. His excuse was the mother called impromptu about the visit which I don’t think is bad anyway.

These couple stay in a three bedroom apartment and only one room has bed in it. This is the room the couple sleep.

The first two days of the mother inlaw, brother and brother’s girlfriend arrival, the couple had to sleep in the living room while the mother in law and the brother in law’s girlfriend slept in the couple’s room.

As days goes by, the husband who is self employed suggested the the rest of them will handle cooking in the house due to the wife’s tight schedule as per banking job in Lagos.

Part of the consequence of their visit is that they have overthrown the kitchen and like most ladies my friend wasn’t cool with this but tried to keep her cool.

The lady(my friend) became curious and asked the husband to clarify if the mother in law and co intends to stay with them permanently. The husband subsequently flared up with the allegations that his wife doesn’t want his people around. This happened to be the third time his wife asked this question in the space of two weeks.

One thing led to the other on the third time of asking this question my friends husband beat her up and chased her out of the house while the mother stood and watched without interfering.

Efforts to reconcile has proved abortive as the husband refused to let her in again and categorically said to my friend’s dad he isn’t interested in the marriage anymore. The mother in law refused to interfere.

PS: The hubby’s mother is a separated single mother.
PS: My friend and her hubby both contributed to pay the rent
PS: The hubby’s father is not in support of all the happenings and all efforts to reach his son proved abortive since the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t answer his dad’s calls.

What are your opinions about this issue? Thank you.

I can't even get past the fact that they left their bed for his mother and brother's girlfriend.

Are the couple ok? Couldn't they get a mattress and put in another room?

If this story is true, he has no right to send her put of a house she paid rent for. I don't like when men use physical strength to intimidate their wives. It's just wrong. He cannot reason and discuss; he has to beat.

stormborn28:
i know many of you will not like this news

It's great news especially if it's true.

But some of you will like the news but will be giving her 3k for soup and stew and expect her to perform magic and build a house .

It cannot happen to everyone especially stingy men. This man was obviously free giving to his wife more than anyone else. Some of you believe in spending more on your siblings and parents more and expect this kind of testimony. It can't work!

julieeni:
yes, I gave him a son, he got a place and moved in with another woman while I was with his parents. Didn't know about it until when he was posted to Abuja and we had to join him, that was when I knew he still got a house there in Abuja and moved in with same lady, while I was hustling for money to give to him to rent at least a room for us... everything came out in the open anyway and I had to come back to my parents. He got married to the lady few months after I left and she put to birth around Nov. My worse mistake

He is a serial husband/father

zedegit:
It favours the woman more.

It legalizes the marriage.

zedegit:
Is court necessary?

Yes it is.

Mizwisdom:
For you and your wife, budget N200000 for outfits. Then registry N10k, invite your parents, siblings, immediate family members and few friends. Visit your priest for blessing and put N5000 in envelope to show gratitude. Guest list shouldn't be more than 30, Get your cake for N15K, get a caterer let her prepare a sumptuous meal for 50 guests, buy drinks (total cost N150000). Venue should be a hall with small capacity N40K. The remaining N40K good pictures , N20K DJ. Just hold the remaining in case something unforseen comes up.

Traditional rights nko?

djon78:
Very good. I like this reply. Guys think women don't reject rich made guys. Everyone goes for what will work for them.

There was one where the first born of a billionaire was rejected by a girl from there town. And she picked an upcoming young dude. The guy rejected was mad that with all there money.

The truth is that quality, responsible women, young from poor homes still make there choices from various suitors. I have seen it countless times.

For me, I projected into the future based on the character of the three men. It wasn't enough for me to be married to a rich guy that was not disciplined in his life and now be frustrated later. Or to be miserable in the US with a man I wasn't sure I knew well.

And I have been enjoying peace and happiness for the past years. Thank God

sisisioge:
No nau...I was agreeing with your input. I prefer a really small affair where small budget looks like huge expenses. Imagine how well that budget will take care of 20 people. Chai!

By "your", I meant the OP.

Yeah I get. I wanted something small too for my white. Did a Sunday evening dinner with100 people after much fight. It was exactly how I imagined it

PrimadonnaO:
Personally, I don’t want a fanfare marriage ceremony either... just what’s most important... and a few friends.

But my clothes, hair, makeup and shoes will exhaust that 500k. . I don’t want to trade those. Those pictures gotta look peng forever!

Funny enough, you could spend that much on appearance and look odd. My wedding dress was less than 100k but was gorgeous...made by a Nigerian wedding designer.

The traditional marriage shoes I bought were more expensive than the shoes for the white. Trad was like close to 25k while the white was less than 10k. Guess what! The trad shoes went bad from the second time I wore it but the other one was used well.

A good friend that got married just before I did advised me. She told me not to get deceived buying those glittery things tagged as "wedding wears, etc". She showed me where to go.

When it comes to weddings, vendors prey on your anxiety.

sisisioge:
I agree..spend a lot on your appearance and photography. No tacky looking makeup or awkward looking suit biko. Look good, beg your people to look good too, go to a nice restaurant and ask for special tables after the whole thing g
You would get good background for your photos, and food will be cheaper than paying for catering service.


My friend got married 5 years ago on a budget like yours. Her siblings cooked, we committee of friends did her makeup, decoration of her small church hall, her hair and the beaded jewelries. To further erase appearance of mediocrity, she got a lovely coloured Ankara, shared 3 yards each to us for free and begged us to get them well tailored . We all looked good...they looked good...they have 3 kids now and enjoying their lives together.

Good luck.

Lol...it wasn't how my wedding was though. I was suggesting according to the OP's budget. I have seen people get married that way especially if the traditional marriage list is not excessive.

Funny enough my parents tried to be as free minded as possible.

Allowed us to choose our church when we were teenagers
Allowed us socialize and go out for all night programmes/shows.
My dad relaxed on the ladies talking to guys when we told him he sent us to mixed boarding schools...what did he expect.
The freedom made up make good decisions later on.

Though I didn't like the fact that my dad wasn't that approachable and the use of koboko on us.

Put a list on how a man can make his wife happy. Happiness is not for one party.

Swinger60:
2k for soup and stew can never build this house.

Na 400k soup and stew money fit build this house.

Oya, our husbands..., over to you.

She can save 50 naira from it. And maybe in 50 years, she can build a room

Do the traditional rights. Nothing fancy; probably a parlour thing with only close family.

Go to court with like 3-6 witnesses and go for lunch in a fast food joint or do small chops and drinks.

Go to the pastor's office for marriage blessings.

And if the money is ok, make sure your suit and her dress are good quality (not necessarily a regular wedding dress) and a good photographer to capture the important moments well.

Obviously not a man that was stingy to his wife.

Some men will be expecting this kind of thing from their wives meanwhile they would rather go to the market themselves than to give their wives money.

duduade:
So what I don't understand is why are people who are still managing go on to give birth to 3 or 4 or more kids when the more than average couple stick to two kids...

-Mindset

-Mentality

-Lack of planning

-Believing that God that gives children will take care of them.

-Saying they have always wanted to have a particular number of children without surveying if their pockets can handle it.

I have a family member/relative that has two kids and says he's done that he has no money for more. The wife gives birth abroad and they travel for vacation abroad.

Meanwhile, someone with so much less will go ahead and keep having them and saying God will take care of them.

emmaodet:
Ooohhhhhhhh (rolls eyes)
Nairalandersssssa
From my write up, did i say ladies shouldn't date rich guys? I only said they can date rich guys if the rich guys approaches them and that is how far their power is in the relationship and this is true. Whether the man will now marry you or not is up to him and not you anymore - Have said anything special here? Is it not the truth? He has many ladies at his disposal and when he is ready to settle down, he will weigh his options and pick the best for himself.
For example - when i was dating my wife then as gf, i had other friends but nothing attached. I had a civil defence officer, a custom officer lady , a lady from a rich home and then my wife from an average home (dad working as a doctor in saudi arabia, mum principal)
I can't have these type of ladies at my disposal at my level and settle down with a struggling poor woman who only has beauty and nice shape to display
Have paid my dues as a man and it is only normal to select who will complement me.

But a lady should have rich and poor guys at her disposal and settle for the poor one abi?

Rich guys are constantly marrying poor girls and rich girls marry poor guys. It's not only money people have to offer.

When I was also planning to marry, I had a guy that had his own company, plus an interstate transport business: quite rich and I had a civil servant working with the fed govt and another doctor based in the US. And I wasn't from a rich home. I chose the civil servant.

So stop thinking it's totally up to the man. What makes him decide to or not? Is it not the value you add to him? Or is it all about money for you?

CHoccolaTE:
I keep saying it that women should never fall for the cheap scam of "marry a broke man and build him, grow with him"

Its Absolute crap, men are very egotistical even when it makes no sense, you will see them being arrogant and full of themselves. Feeling like kings and superstars on top nothing. This egotistical behaviour is pronounced when they are dealing with women because religions and African society tells them that women are inferior to them.

Ladies, never marry a broke or stingy man, you dont live in western societies where marrying a broke man can still benefit you because while you bring money for running the house the man will cover the home front and will not boss you around. In Nigeria even when a man is broke he wants to be treated like a king, infact his feeling of entitlement increases and he starts demanding more respect.

Of course this isn't a general thing but majority of them are like that, marry a broke man and still carry 100% house chores on your head and have to deal with stress of pregnancy and raising children and increase your humility to him even while feeding him and providing for him because he is busy having ego issues. Ask him to assist with housework or attempt to make decisions at home that's when he will start claiming you are rude and disrespectful and you are insulting him because he is poor.

Better marry a rich man. Or comfortable man at least. One thing I like about men is that they are not afraid to demand their rights and even extra on top of what they deserve. Women are scared to demand what they are entitled to, the same bible and Quran that made men leaders and heads of families also mandated them to provide for their families but that part of the religions is hardly focused on or discussed because it deals with what benefits women

Most struggling/broke Nigerian husbands are ticking time bombs. They become so touchy and sensitive. They can sniff rudeness from hours away and are always ready to pounce. The ego multiplies by 10 and the wife has to walk on eggshells around him. God help us

emmaodet:
Don't get me wrong, am not annoyed. Annoyed over what? I don't have that time. Just saying it the way it is.
I only pointed out a fact from you statement that - You can only date a rich guy if he approaches you(and that is hiw far you can control the relationship or the limit of your power) while the guy reserves the right to either sleep with you and dump you after agreeing to is offer or he decides to marry you (you don't have control on who marry you, rather who you date).
And that statement above is the fact, am not lying.
You said should they advise themselves to marry date rich guys? - the real question is why should a woman from a poor home date a rich guy? Whatever happens to her societal class?
About guys also looking for working class girls - of course, what do you think? For a working class guy to marry a jobless lady? Will a lady do that too?
Most guys expectations are feasible or realizable unlike ladies.
A lady who is staying at isheri-idimu will be dreaming and hoping to date a man at lekki or VGC all in the name of scamming him with Love and Submission (who needs that anyway) just to alleviate her from poverty.
A working class guy working and staying at isheri-idimu will be looking for a working class lady within the environment and class e.g Egbeda and that is feasible.
Over and out

People have different expectations and ways to go about achieving them. Even if a lady is not from a rich family but she gets an education, polishes herself, chooses her crowd, she can get the kind of man she seeks.

We are not talking about the kind of ladies that remain redundant and wake up everyday with no plans for the future but just looking for a man to leech on.

Not every girl will marry a struggling guy. Guys should learn to deal with this fact rather than always bellyaching when a girl points out she wants a comfortable guy.

sexylassie2:
What of men that don't do any of the above but still beat and control the woman.

What of the ones that do all and beat. Would that be justified?

anslem04:
Wisdom is sancrosanct esp. in choices & decision making. what do human do everyday if not choices & decision. Funnily ...wise is an adjective mostly attributed to men, the only time the bible described a wise woman she build her home ... which is why people turn to "women" easily 4 such job,women av that capacity ,its an inborne men don't have, when people ask a lady to be submissive its doesnt denote a downplay of love, its just a matter of following structured process of building a home.
World as evolve, just as ships as advance with an high-tech sat. navigator, its not only the captain thats know the paths, buh yet the captain still takes all decision in world 2020 ... why!
ability to provide bloat a man's ego buh what really makes a man feel like god is recognition, strength, respect & his records.
As a woman if you feel u are brillant, intelligent,smart & wise then neva settle for a man with a downsize of your attributes ... a man shuld be the undisputed head of the home. #God's plan

Seems like you are just giving excuses for men and transferring the burden of making a marriage work to the woman alone.

I still maintain that both are responsible for the marriage and one should not be let off the hook for whatever reason.

Liliantalks:
I can never understand the ideology of you doing nothing financially for me and you are trying to checkmate me, want to see who I am talking to and getting jealous all the time.

Am I supposed to stop talking to other guys, because I am dating a guy like you who can’t even take care of the basic needs of a woman, her hair and toiletries? Of course I am doing it myself, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with my man doing it for me. If you are broke and do nothing for your babe give her some space.

She knows you don’t have and trying to cope with you but don’t choke her up, especially now when you have nothing to offer.

Ps: if you are stingy as a man, you are not a man, you have no value. I didn’t say broke I said stingy. If you can’t do in little you won’t in much.

So if he's paying for your toiletries, hair and other stuffs, he's permitted to police you, control you and who you talk to? Ok

The annoying part is that he will later come and reap where he did not sow and family and friends will beg on his behalf saying afterall he's still your father.

anslem04:
lets not full ourselves, in these modern are there really submissive women, we all know a woman talks 10 in reply for everyone word a man ulters.
Interestingly when women share there story online,i am gentle & calm, i don't talk back whu ask them ... none regardless i advocate men to be more liberal, alway show maturity & understanding, maintain ur stands where needed the r/ship go survive.

People keep talking about wisdom...the woman using wisdom. Is this wisdom not also available to the man?

Submission is not automatic. The Bible talked about love from the husband and submission from the woman but somehow the love is always downplayed while the submission is magnified. Why?

Besides, does submission mean the woman doesn't have a say? Means she has to nod when the husband talks? Not object to anything, argue if she disagrees?

The world has evolved. The man is not the sole provider anymore ( that was one of the things that made them feel like gods). They are supposed to be a team anyway with a leader. That has to be managed well.

Yenefer:
Lol fake nus. chances of real Muslim to convert is 00000000.000.001% if u really learn and understood Islam u will never convert. Fake nus

My roommate in final year and her brother converted. She was too soft so she gave in and changed back but her brother didn't. I later heard she stood her ground and became a Christian.

CaptainFM1:
You still haven't answered the question!

You find it very easy saying what doesn't come to your mind but the question is "What is the first thing that comes to your mind"?

To think

bobkezel:
you would have used this energy you have been wasting running up and down to answer me, simple.
So i should start searching for your answer on the whole thread.....clap for urself.

Yes.