₦airaland Forum

alBHAGDADI:
Advice to everyone.

Before you interfere in husband and wife issue, make sure you start off by siding with the husband. He is the head of the home and the authority over the woman as stipulated by the Bible which is the word of God. It is from that point you will be able to see clearly who's at fault between the couple. It will be possible to make sound judgment in their case because you started off recognizing God's rule which made the husband head. The same thing applies with parents and children. Always side with the parents first.

Now the husband might be the one at fault, but not siding with him at first will prevent you from making him say the stupid thing that lured him into doing the wrong thing he did. Siding with the wife instead of him will only render you foolish and horrible before him for interfering in his home where he has authority.

When the husband has stated the foolish thing that made him do wrong, which he might not quite be aware he's exposing himself, then you can now calmly make him see his fault.

As for the feminists on this thread, keep siding with your fellow females. You are making this life to seem like a battle of the genders. Look at the way you all are already advising her to quit her marriage all because of a rough time which she admits to instigating. One even said a man should no matter what beat his wife. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night and sees her about slitting his throat? He should just pet her and move on. No, I don't support domestic violence, but girls of these days think they can just get away with their acidic tongue. Such girls actually have men made for them. Instead of you to use this singlehood to learn to control your tongue, you are busy affiliating with a stupid ideology such as feminism.

Proverb 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

If you use your tongue to speak death, it will come your way. Your husband will beat the hell out of you untill you come to your senses. If you use it wisely to say lovely and soothing words, life will come your way and your husband will love you and respect you.

@OP move back to your husband's room and be his wife. Keep talking to him until he starts responding. Lastly, ignore the advise from the feminists here. None of them will share their husband with you after they've made you lose yours. They might even be going through worse in their own home, but they will never say. What you are going through is just one of the ups aand downs of marriage. It will pass.

Everything doesn't have to be a battle of sexes. This is simply a case of how you treat your fellow human especially one you claim and pledged to love.

Siding with the husband/parents implies that the other party/parties cannot express themselves and that has destroyed many families...when someone believes that his/her word is yea and amen, that is already cause for worry.

AdedoyinO:
This is complete heresy and not the biblical marriage.

Loving your wife has nothing to do with her submission, it is your obligation to do so as unto the Lord.

Likewise the submission of a woman to her hubby is as unto the Lord and not predicated on hubby's love. Both must be present in a christian home.

However, men have a higher responsibilty. God never made you master, he made you head and leader to protect, provide, and guard. Masters do none of these.

Jesus gave Himself up for the church to present her without spots or wrinkle, you are to do same for your wife.

'Submission' is a curious word. It means a contemporary or a partner with equal rights should reliquish his or her rights so that you as the head can effectively and everyone comes under one focus. Jesus submitted to the will of the Father..

Thank you so much for this expatiation...very apt.

A lot of men are looking for slaves and not wives

ogawisdom:
once a woman submits to his husband the husband will love her dearly. submission is what a man calls love , men don't need the love of a woman he needs the submission of a woman which is a divine injunction.

christian marriage makes a man the master in the marriage that is why he is the provider and the wife helper. submission comes before the woman is loved more.

satanic feminist/hopeless pegans who doesn't believe in the Bible should not quote me, the Bible is my standard reference point for marriage

It is not conditional. That is not how the Bible said it. The Bible did not say the woman should submit so that the husband can love her. They both have separate duties...man love your wife and woman submit to your husband.

If we are going to talk about the fact that he is the provider and deserves to be the master, then that reason is faulty. Because we have many situations where a woman is the provider or major provider. Does it now mean that she becomes the master?

ogawisdom:
In Christian marriage as ordained by God they are not equal partners one is the superior. a woman must submit to the husband that is the basis of Christian marriage. Husband literally means master or oga m. accepting to marry a man means accepting to submit to him forever.

The Bible is the word of God nothing like archaic

How come men conveniently forget the other part of the "submit" passage? It says "love your wife". When you read how the Bible describes love in 1corin 13, you will agree that a husband cannot be inconsiderate, a dictator or a demigod that cannot accept when wrong and apologize.

But all you guys see is "SUBMIT! SUBMIT!!"

Fabuloski:
You are uprightly advocating for female to abuse male and frown on male retaliating? The lady should have been wise enough to keep her hands to herself.
I have a nephew, I am about 13years older, and no matter what he does I will never hit him because I respect him. After all respect is reciprocal.
Like I said any lady that hits a guy is a thug and you are entitled to defend yourself.
The husband should make them apologise to each other and share the chores between them.
The age difference is even 5years and she slapping him as if she gave birth to him.

I am sure you have not seen anywhere where I said it was ok for her to slap him. She was wrong but he cannot slap his older brother's wife. That is a big insult.


He is supposed to extend the same Accord and respect he has for his brother to her.

But I noticed that some families/cultures see a wife as an outsider that comes to disrupt their family.

I had to ask my husband now what he feels about this case. His exact words were...

"she was wrong to slap him but he should not have slapped back. Would he have slapped his brother if he slapped him?"

Fabuloski:
The wife slapped the brother, why are you guys missing that?.
She disrespected him by slapping him for refusing to fetch water.
A lady that hits a man or anybody is not a lady but a thug.
They should both apologise to each other and the brother should oversee chores sharing between them since the brother is also working. It will be understandable if the dude is tired and don't want to fetch water.

Dude should have waited for his brother to come back rather than retaliating. At that point, the wife would have had a lot to answer to and apologize. In fact they could call family meeting on her head.

But he took matters in his hands and a made things complicated. First, there are other ways to drive home your point as a man rather than hitting a woman even if she struck first. Hitting your older brother's wife, is extreme

hopeforcharles:
This same method of thinking will sink a home instead of mending it,
A way to win a person especially your superiors is to overlook some things except you are no more interested but if you are u should be the one to use a tact and win him back.
The man in question can divorce her and still marry more wives if he likes,
And you women tends to forget that he is the one that married you. You shouldnt and can't and will not be the same with him.

Your idea of marriage sounds a bit archaic. There is no superior in the sense that you speak. They are partners in the marriage. what brought them together is love and not a business contract.

The man doesn't just marry the woman. He asks her to marry him and she accepts. It is a two way thing. No one is doing anyone a favour.
And no one has the right to treat the other badly. If you offend or are wrong, you accept and apologize. Marriage is not a dictatorship situation.

You are a Christian.

The Bible say honour the father and mother so that your days shall be long..."

And the Bible also says "a man shall leave his father and husband mother and cleave to his wife..."

You have to find the balance. You shouldn't stop sending money to your father but it cannot be done at the detriment of your marriage.

Your brothers may still be finding their feet but you need to mandate/encourage them to send money also no matter how little.

If not, in many years to come, you will still be the only one sustaining your dad with little or no savings or properties while you go for your younger brothers' house warming.

This exactly is what my husband did. He was the only one sending money to his mum as the first son but not anymore.

All the best

hopeforcharles:
Be wise Save ur home. Do u have a proof he is guilty of infidelity? If not, even if there is be smart go be the Adult and use ur woman power of gentleness, kindness and win him back,
I am a man but there is something I have learnt over the years don't use force on a man.

So she should keep getting trampled on because she wants to keep her home? This is not good advice.

A man should not see himself as a god who cannot accept his wrong and apologize. It gradually strips the woman of any self worth and esteem she might have.

Rextizzle:
It's none of your business.

I wonder what your imaginary white babe has to say about this your post.

greatnaija01:
your immature brain get excited watching "drugged" people who rehearse with FAKE SCREAMS, EDITED LENGTHS and FALSE STORY CAPTION
and you think you are OK?

My dear OP, they give you false expections for sex and lie to you that you can get away with certain evil things without getting caught..... BUT ONCE YOU TRY IT.... .BOOOOOOM a girl has gotten pregnant....

WAKE UP and STAY WOKE..... it is a waste of time and a killer of respect for women..... it is celebrated abuse.

You are so on point!

After filling their heads with porn, they are the ones who start disturbing their girlfriends or wives for anal sex and some other annoying requests and even justifying it. And coming up with posts on how to enjoy some twisted act.

Rextizzle you know this is not a white girl. Are you not satisfied with your white babe's bum?

Ologogoro:
Dude, you're very wrong. This guy and Lateef Adedemeji are the next big thing..

Lateef is in a league of his own. You can't compare him to Adeniyi, though Adeniyi is not a bad actor.

duduade:
Exactly


Then how old is Osas??

People just come here to post rubbish thinking we gullible

That means he got married at 22/23...lol

suco01:
what are you saying. the op question was what can he do and you're pointing blame fingers. keep pointing the fingers. OP my sincere answer still remains both should apologise to each other for peace to reign. Respect is reciprocal. Brother inlaw see ur brother wife as your brother and wife should see his brother inlaw as his husband.

The Op should know that his brother cannot live in that house again. After all it is supposed to be for the husband and wife.

That is why counselors advise that family should not live with a couple especially in their early years of marriage. It is to avoid insults and complications like this.

Op do the needful. You know what to do but you are stalling.

khiaa:
This is not feminism, this is people without morals. Why can't you people comprehend the idea of feminism?

Quit trying to explaining to close minded people.

Though I may not be a feminist, but I understand the concept of it.

Samyj247:
I said both of them should b fetching d water.

I disagree.

I don't think my brothers inlaw will allow me fetch water if they are around and my husband is not around...even the one that is older than me.

Maybe because they were brought up to respect women. People behave towards others according to how they view them.

suco01:
And the wife should not apologise too abi?. we have lost our culture, customs and norms totally.. once he ask his brother to apologise, ego will set in and the op should be ready for more troubles. i don't support any of them. Both should apologise to each other. simple

He has no right to slap the wife. Not for any reason. He has no regard for his brother for him to have done that.

Where I come from, it cannot even happen and if it does, that brother cannot remain in that house for a second.

Because for a younger brother especially, to slap his older brother's wife means that he has no respect or regard for his brother.

Dammylois:
It's a good idea.I'm definitely enrolling my kids early...I gave up learning after i hit my Nose on the Tile one fateful morning while swimming....

Please don't give up. It's fun.

My daughter is 1yr old and I am already preparing her for her induction into the swimmer's community

centboy123456:
when u talk about dump U talk about Nigeria girls cuz u girls are worst all u girls about is money and wen d guy stop giving u money u end d relationship I have made a promise I will never love any Nigeria girls because u girls are good in dumping guys


look at u how many guys have u dump

and for d record the guy own nobody love no be by force and d guy didn't dump her so pls get ur fact right because all Nigeria girls care about is money money money that all no love again if a guy no give u money u no go love am again that how Nigeria girls see love

I am sorry if you have been dumped countless times which has formed your opinion. However, this post is exclusive of all our own experiences and we should look at it based on the two people involved and the information available.

When you point fingers at Nigerian girls, you should also castigate Nigerian men. You guys are not perfect

alhassanyusuf29:
No, the religion aspect has nothing to do with this, im just asking out of curiosity bcuz i am one

No I am not Muslim

alhassanyusuf29:
yah, you should, however by law you can change ur intention midway before the official contract, which is "marriage", thats why people say their vows on wedding day to signify the contract, not while dating..bcuz while dating u can break up if u feel like, while u cant when married bcuz of the contract he sign

Religion doesn't matter here. And I am not emotional just realistic

alhassanyusuf29:
bcuz its a natural instincts for him to feel bad in hurting a fellow human being,but he doesnt own her anything, abi is it by force he most marry her?

That is why it is better to let your intentions be clear from the beginning rather than trying to play a fast one.

He doesn't need advice. He should dump her the way guys dump ladies and move on.

centboy123456:
guys congratulate each other for hitting it oh oh were did u get that from pls lol bae sex is no big deal pls we had sex today those means I must marry u or u had a baby for me those means I must marry pls Nigeria girls get that to ur heard pls the guy don't own her anything because they both had d sex together nobody force them pls

It is not about getting married. Why is he asking how to dump her? A guy knows that his intentions are not sure but still goes ahead to string a girl along and now look for a soft landing.

No one is saying you should marry her. But it is better to make intentions clear with the other party to avoid stories that touch like this one.

nick50:
wen he was sleeping with her was she moaning or crying?

I think you should ask her through the op. She is in the best position to answer you

alhassanyusuf29:
im not surprised the op said "feminist should keep off", bcuz the more y'al talk, the more u expose ur mentality

you said "It is a two way thing...you are probably right", what do u mean by "probably", are you trying to contradict or belie the fact that females enjoy sex too?

"But the lady probably gives herself with a mind that it is a serious affair not knowing that the guy has other motives."

*first of all, you dont know the lady,so how can u speak on her behalf
*second of all, how do you know she's in the relationship with the mindse of having a serious affair, what if she is just having fun too just like the op, or at a certain stage she got tired and wants out but didnt bring it on social media
*you said "not all ladies just have sex around for having sex sake",really! ..so its only men that go into relationship for sex sake, i wonder who will marry the ladies then

I insist, he owns her no apology or explanation whatsoever, bcuz sex is a two-way thing..it could be vice-versa and she dumps him too, non of y'all will say she used him for sex, rather his money

So why did he open a thread to ask how he should dump her?

centboy123456:
I don't know what is wrong with all this Nigeria girls self what is the big deal about sex tell me u girls take sex as a big deal what wrong with u they both had sex nobody force them to have sex and u are here saying s&hit so d guy commit crime to have sex with her what wrong with all this foolish Nigeria girls self sex is noting u hear me

Sex is viewed differently by both sexes towards the other. You need to understand that.

Isn't it still you guys that will congratulate a guy for "hitting that" and insult a lady for adding another body count.

Sex to guys is different from sex to ladies.

alhassanyusuf29:
But Madam, isnt sex a two way thing, why are y'all females trying to portray that he took advantage of her if she engaged in the act willing for sexual satisfaction?

if she was the one to have want to dump him, u guys wont be saying "after you had sex and took advantage of him"

It is a two way thing...you are probably right. But the lady probably gives herself with a mind that it is a serious affair not knowing that the guy has other motives.

Besides, not all ladies just have sex around for having sex sake. It is still guys that will say she has been used and imply that her value has depreciated with the number of men she has slept with.

But that same measure is not used for men. Instead, it is one more feather to his cap. So i

GreenArrow2:
Abeg go siddon one side. Talking as if getting a lady to spread her legs requires some special kinda commitment these days.

While I sit down one side, you can keep standing

dreamworld:
So all the guys that slept with you go married to u
?

A rhetorical question I suppose

pepigeorge:
Who said when u sleep with a woman.. U must stick with her...
Grow up, this 21st century.. Women dish out sex like biscuits these days... There's is nothing sacred about it

.

Get the message. Don't add your meaning to it.

The point is "why go deep when you know you don't intend to stay?"

samguru:
Madam, you are not objective in your post at all, What if I lied I have not slept with her am sure you will still look for another reason to castigate me because of your feministic inclination.

I only sought for advice and not condemnation, please ooooooooooo

Really?? I am not objective? If you lie, you know within yourself and it would have definitely caught up with you.

Why does every opposing stance from a lady have to termed as "feministic"?

You sought for advice? Or for someone to validate your position and tell you what you want to hear?