₦airaland Forum

jeff1607:
I pray you don’t experience what can bring a family man or parents down even all the savings or properties will be sold to resolve such especially if the kids are about getting into the university or while in the university, my neighbor then while still in school has his father working in schlumberger, at year 3 , he was diagnosed with cancer and they sold virtually all they had and they were 7 in number , mother had to quit her job to cater for the man the kids, 3 had to drop out so the two who were in their finals could finish as the company had already paid him off, he got a bit better but getting another job was a problem same with the wife, the younger ones had to leave the expensive primary school n move to Fgc government school.

Things happen or would I say sometimes life happens, some get back on their feet others do not.

Why will someone sit down and have 7 kids? Do they want to take them to work on the farm or to sell them? What is the idea behind it? Didn't they know about family planning?

I don't understand the concept bwhind having so many kids. What if the man dies, what happens to the kids? They will share them among different family members?

People should start changing their mindsets abour childbearing. Even in developed countries with better prospects, people don't give birth like rabbits. Not to talk of Nigeria where there is so much uncertainty about the future.

0neal:
So also those parents who gave birth to over half a dozen kids they cant comfortably give the best of experience, without considering economic decline as the years goes by and inevitable Pandemic...consequently creating burden for the eldest sibling and concerned relative.

They are worse than the Polithiefcians we criticise daily

That's why it's safe not to have too many kids. So that you can provide for them. But some people like to have them to full the house and now start sharing them as house helps.

GloriousGbola:
It goes beyond that. I realise that had a very great childhood in some ways. We had video games, legos, my dad bought us a pc which was a very big deal at that time. We lived an upper middle class lifestyle. Now my dad /mum could have decided to spend all that money on themselves instead. And there are parents that do that. Parents with late model cars and expensive baubles but very very simple kids.

Some of the Behind and fresh kids you see in class, their parents are not necessarily richer than other parents.but the parents decided that their kids should enjoy thier childhood.

If they had decided to neglect your needs and spent on themselves instead, then they didn't deserve to bring children into the world.

And I am not talking about having the luxuries you mentioned. Just the basics; education, feeding and nurturing. Every parent have an obligation to give their children these.

LesbianBoy:
In this OP mind she thinks she has said something that is so scary.

Anyway I don't blame you sha, na stupid men I blame.

Any man that practices equality with his wife is nothing but a big fool infact an idiot. Unless she paid your groom price o. Ehen no wahala! But if na you pay her bride price you be mumu.

Some men out there will be forming that they are doing "equality" with their wife whereas na dem dey spend most of the money, dem still dey follow their wife take care of the kids and cook. Mumu men

Thats why many girls are shouting equality. If equality is practiced the right way dem no go dey fight for am

So he is the head of the house because he paid bride price? How much is it? If she refunds him all the money, can they switch roles?

Truvelisback:
Good day, Fellas. If u have parents who are well to do, and still sponsor ur schooling. I.e They provide ur needs like feeding and schooling, be very grateful to God, u might not know the hell others are passing through. Na my fellow guys this matter touch pass because na dem dey carry the burden pass in terms of getting a good job, getting married, and becoming a family man. No be Bobo ooo. hmmm, e no easy oo. If u have parents who do what i said above, just be very grateful to God. Unlike the females, weda dem go school or not, men go still marry dem. Weda dem get job or not, men go still marry dem. Weda dem broke or not, men go still marry dem. That's life for u.

Please let's normalize parents feeding their children and sending them through school, and not like it is something extra they did that they have to be praised for.

When you decide to bring in innocent kids who did not asked to be brought into the world, you should have a plan for them to give them an edge in life and not burden them with your own problems.

But here you are praising parents who took care of their own children. Who else should take care of them? The village head?

The ones that didn't provide the basic education and care for their children have failed the children and society. And they should know this.

VictorUSA:
My cousin sister is living with us...she came of recent.Sometimes she expose parts of her breasts or laps and comes to me in a sexual way.

She sits on my lap and always deny that we're biologically related.

I tried all I could to avoid her but she's always on my neck.

You have encouraged it one way or the other, because there are other male cousins she won't try that rubbish with.

You need to be firm and brash. But if you keep acting with " please stop it nau" attitude, then we will expect another thread for us to prepare for naming ceremony.

TheWolfen:
You are not listening because you don't wanna listen. . .
Y'all keep forming stupid woke. Like I said before. There is no underestimating parental influence in their kids life.
That is my point. ..
It is only God that can help op. Not your yeye woke advice that will lead him to more problems

That's how many parents have destroyed their children's relationships/marriages. It's not about being woke.

If a parent keeps interfering in their adult children's lives, it means they don't think they brought them up well enough to make decisions for themselves.

Besides, parents are not always right. They too can have selfish interests or myopic views based on their own experiences.

lalalista:
who said I bought it for the house? I bought it for myself. my comfort. The heat was much, they never thought of buying it, till I decided to go and buy it

Ok. You bought it for yourself, with your money, for your comfort and not for the house. So why are you feeling bad that you went to carry your property?

lalalista:
Hello all,

Now here's why I'm down.

I was staying with my siblings before, I bought generator and rechargeable fan with my money while with them, now I'm in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. My fiancee set up a business for me. I've been staying with my fiance for 6 months because my business center is close to his house. For 2 months now, no light in my shop because of some unresolved bill issues. My fiancee is having some challenges in his business so he couldn't buy me a gen. I needed a generator badly, so I decided to go and pick that my generator that I left with my siblings. My brother is making me feel like a bad person. He said I'm not supposed to take the gen. That what do I want compound people to think? That it's not fair. Since then, I've been feeling like I did something bad and like I'm a cruel person. Was I wrong to have taken the generator?

Let's assume the you bought the TV your siblings are using in the house you used to stay with them. And the tv in your fiance's house goes bad. Will you go and take the one at your siblings place since you bought it with your money. ?

You bought the gen for the house. Going to carry it from there isn't really the best thing to do.

Ephetar:
Hello wonderful Nairalanders... Please I'll need advise from experienced parents. God blessed my family two weeks ago with a wonderful baby. But here's my little challenge, the baby prefers sleeping all through the day and doesn't sleep for long at night waking us up every 2 hours or thereabout. My MIL said it's normal but this lack of sleep is affecting my work and my sharpness during the day... Please is there anyway we can change his sleep cycle and make him sleep more at night instead of during the day...We are new parents please...

He's too young to try sleep patterns. But as he grows older, he may change. If he doesn't, his sleep during the daytime should be controlled to allow him sleep longer at night.

NoToPile:
Wow 1,2 million difference, do they work on the island? Proximity to work is a very major factor for a lot of people.





The 2nd and 3rd bolded has always been my concern, apart from house rent, you pay more for water, school fees, markets everything other thing is expensive, a family person would think twice if you are not really that rich enough to live there.

I know someone that rented a bed space for 350k at Yaba, I guess it's serviced, bedspace like hostel oo, they are 2 in the room, 2 beds she works on the island and seems the roommate is working class I can only imagine how much that will cost on the island.

They are sisters actually. One works in lekki while the other is into her own business.

A lot of people I know living there most times go to the mainland...oyingbo, mile 12, Lawanson market, etc, to buy food stuffs.

Yaba has a lot of serviced apartments and they can be quite expensive. I have heard of these bed spaces arrangement somewhere in ikoyi where people just come to sleep for the week while working on the island.

Hamachi:
Many people that I know who moved to island are regretting it especially those that moved to Lagos Island (Idumagbo, Idumota, Obalende) and Ajah

Lagos Island is not the Island we are talking about. I'm talking about lekki, ikate, Chevron, etc. My friends just moved from their one bedroom of 300k on the mainland to a 2 bedroom of 1.5m. And they said they were lucky to find it that cheap.

Rent is unnecessarily high. Yet, they don't have good water. If you don't have a car, moving around won't be easy. School fees is higher there. The price of fiod stuffs in the market there is another issue. Cost of living there is generally high.

That kind of lifestyle doesn't encourage saving, except you really have more than enough.

baby124:
Lmao. When someone has an extreme and unreasonable view, it’s mostly untreated mental health issues and a result of their upbringing. To someone brought up in a normal environment you can see through them that they are completely MAD.

At least now we know the cause of his problem.

Craigbrown4076:
Now don't laugh this off. This is a rather serious comparison as it's my first time in Lagos and as such my first time on the Island.

According to the topic, I will like readers especially those who reside in Lagos to share their opinions as to which of these major residential areas in Lagos is actually more value for money.

I've lived in the Ajah axis of Lagos Island for about 7 months and I can confidently tell you that I will not advise any newcomer to pay rent to live here. Electricity is bad, water is terrible, roads are bad too and for those who commute the Lekki-Epe express road daily know how hellish it can be when there is a surge in traffic.

Tbh, most people living on the island are suffering and smiling, even those who you think are well to do are having it worse.

I'm considering moving away from the Island and finding a serene environment on the mainland to live in. I heard that Magodo/Berger area is true, please how true is this? I will like readers who reside in Lagos to share their thoughts on other serene environments one can live in where one can get good basic amenities. This will definitely help other people as well. Thanks.

This comparison always comes up. One babe was staying on the mainland but always longed to live on the island.

She eventually moved to lekki. Now she wants to go back to the mainland and is looking for a place. She said the life there is fake. People are just packaging. A guy will wind up his car windows but has no AC .

Bad water, traffic, fake people, etc.

XTHRONE:
Try Ikeja, ikeja is bae

Coming out of Ikeja to go to the island if you are working there is not that smooth. Gbagada is better.

Palema007:
Omoh....the wife just allow her husband to die because of church doctrine. The least the church can do will be to denounce them and they will go for another denomination.

In cases like this, the wife should have informed the husband's family too before making the decision but then all these devotees can be something else at times.

The annoying part is that some of the leaders in the JW will quietly accept and give blood tranfusions when faced with such a situation. But the followers will blindly follow man made doctrines.

cococandy:
It’s like “abroad” women stole their cookie or something. They are always so hateful and rejoice whenever they think something bad had happened to a Nigerian woman who lives abroad.

They will all be fine.

Palema007:
These people would do anything for cheap likes although I really hope that's their only motivation and they are not really responsible for the insane women killings offline.

A mind that embittered is a threat to the society oooo.

No need to fret. It's all bark and no bite. Most of them are meek in real life.

Palema007:
Honestly for the first time of over my 9 years stay on Nl, I was shocked by a thread and rendered speechless. Seriously who does that? Call his mom all unprintable names just to prove a point on a public forum?

Does this their redpills comes with plenty dose of stupidity and craze? Oga ooo

It comes with blinded ignorance and silliness, with a high dose of immaturity.

Some just join the bandwagon because of their senseless bias and hatred for women without knowing what they are following.

46arcadez:
As a girl you want to go and enjoy what your father could not provide for you?
First judge your father before any guy out there.

What if the girl was comfortable in her father's house? Or do you think all fathers are poor? This you guy's narrative is no longer working. Come up with something updated.

NoFucksToGive:
Smh

You are here jumping up and down to defend your redpill. Meanwhile, your leader TheGridRedpiller has thrown your precious redpill inside potopoto.

TheGidRedpiller:
She is sick, to the point of stooling blood, this is actually true.
That biittch thinks she isn't enough curse to me than whatever she thinks is standing by at the middle of the night waiting to manifest her all powerful curse

I know she is sick, i know, but i also know when she is trying to manipulate her ways into things with the attention she gathers from her illness situation. She asked for financial help, i swear i wanted to help her too, but i just couldn't, did she deserve it or not

If you followed me from scratch, you would know that this is the same wh0re of a mother that would fvvck another men in her matrimonial home after the death of her husband, this is the same selfish biittch that would put herself first before the interest of any of her children, she literally made my sister cry over her education, but my sister watched her change wardrobe every week!

I know i'm being very mean & vengeful, i need people to help me snap out of it because I JUST WANT TO PUNISH HER!!

Still Typing...

Alas! Nairaland redpill agenda revealed.

So you come everyday to spew all that trash about women because of your mother!

Nairaland redpillers see your leader. See what you guys have been following.

Palema007:
Finally! Where are your redpills brothers hailing you when you locked your wife outside to show "you are the man of the house" ... Two months marriage then o

I wonder what other terrible things you have done to reset the poor lady's brain.

He was only stamping himself as the head of the family.

NoFucksToGive:
[s][/s]
Shut up , these are not redpillers ..

Redpill marriage.

DeRay98:
Consider the bolded, it's not rare any more.
Why many young married ladies detest their in-laws and find ways to instigate quarrel between them and their son and force him to avoid his relatives, these same young wives exposes their marriage to her own families, get instructions from her own folks to run her home and how treat her own husband.
The unsuspecting husband end in strong of his in-laws who would pretend to be neutral until there's misunderstanding btw him and his wife then, they 'll bare their fangs at him because he had no idea that he's been held down.
It's not rare I've seen it and some of my male friends have tasted it too.

This OPs case is not regular. How and why the sisters devise means to trouble their younger sister's marriage is more like witchcraft.

This is not your regular case of a woman hating inlaws. The sisters are evil.

ndukwechinasa:
I met my girl friend around 2015 but I was not so serious about loving her. Just wanted to make love to her normally or even become a casual friend. But my intentions did not work out as planned we both stop communicating.

Not until December 2020 when I had accident and she eventually came visiting me and bought somethings for me. I was so impressed for the kind gestures. Her care and kindness made me started loving her.

However, this love extended to her family. I always call the sisters and the mum at will. I also visit their village during festivities and their base too. She is kind to me that I can not imagine. I have grown to love her immensely that I don't have affection for another woman.

But yesterday, my babe called that the mum wants to speak with me. I aborted the call and hurriedly call back. I greeted the mum and she responded very well. She asked me not to get upset that she wants to know my intention towards her daughter that time waits for no one and again there are suitors coming but the daughter said she loves me. Finally she will not be happy with me if I dump the daughter in due course.

I just told her that I love her daughter so much and I also have the intention to marry her but she should also pray for me that things work out right for me.

Honestly, I really love the girl so much but I am not financially stable now cos I lost my job two years ago and I have been trying to put things in order as to meet up financially.

What do I really do now?

MATURE MINDS���

So you met in 2015, didn't love her and stopped communicating. But in 2020 after she bought you things, and you started loving her.

Sounds like a typical cheap gold digger. But oh I forgot! Only ladies are gold diggers.

Mindlog:
Like in my first post, if she can prove she is legally resident in Spain before the travel to Nigeria, she and the children would get themselves back in Spain....It is no rocket science for a good lawyer to handle. Get her proof of employment there, proof of the children in the Spanish educational system etc

He really doesn't need these explanation. He's just looking for how to shoot arrows into a possible solution for the woman to get back to Spain. So that it can create a temporary sweet feeling of satisfaction for all those stories of women abroad that "grow wings".

cococandy:
Without even knowing what happened, your first assumption is to believe that he must be right. When the truth is that y’all always rejoice whenever it seems that a woman is on the receiving end of an unfair deal.

Rabid woman haters.

So what did the children do to him? They grew wings too?

You should know their mindset from their comments. Rejoicing because a woman was abandoned and even ignorantly assuming that she's ar fault. Nairaland has twisted many minds and made them lack the capacity to judge and comment objectively.

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

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Your wife's family really exhibit a rare kind of wickedness. And your wife is soo soo soo gullible. Those things they advised her to do to you and against you, do they do them in their marriages.

The fact that your wife took everything they said says more about her than them. I am the last child too and I have 3 sisters. Thank God they are not wicked people. But if they were, they can't even adivse me that way, and if they do, I won't follow such stupid advice.

Thank God, they have retraced their steps. However, it is more because they were caught and not because they repented on their own. I think you should let them know that a member of yoir family knows. You don't have to tell them who it is. That will further keep them in check.

I hope things are better now. Gives us update.

Hope she wore nose ring too.

Heartbroken05:
yes, I know I bleeped up for slapping her, this same guy cause the provokeness and devil used me. But immediately I regret my actions and begged her. This is the first time I did this to her, have apologize and promise my self it won't ever repeat again.

Unfortunately, you can fall into the same temptation again. In fact, it is most likely that you will. Which lady wants to be chopping beating? Especially when she has seen signs already.

About the other guy, it might not be any charm but just that the guy was there to "make her laugh" and forget the beating you gave her. The prophets are probably telling you what you want to hear. And quit visiting "spiritual houses" or you will find what you are looking for.

SeriouslySense:
I agree.

People should learn that caging never achieves the desired results. It's just delaying the inevitable.