₦airaland Forum

arthurwillia:
lol
What will you say about an 18 year old who got pregnant for a 19 year old in my street, is it because of the irresponsible guy or lady

Those ones are old . The ones on my street were both in Jss2. They said they didn't know how it happened. That they were just playing in the bathroom . They had twins.

Even if I know that the brother is just trying to protect his sister, caging most times doesn't end well. Because, these kids become so attracted to the things you are shielding them from. And they can find it in the wrong way.

Besides, when she is released from the cage to university, she might let loose because she is now free.

Brother should try to manage other means like communication and making her understand. Free her a bit but set boundaries. Completely caging here may be counterproductive.

Marry her so that you can open another thread in September to write another epistle.

DropsMic:
My bro - a surgeon - wey move to UK just last two years don buy him own house for Kinsley... He drives a hybrid car and his daughter attends the best school.. No dey deceive yourself.. As long as you have a skill and you are hardworking you gon make it in obodo oyibo.

Some other extras he got from moving

No police harassment.
No more living in a country where majority of the population goes around saying things like what God Cannot do does not exist
No more living in a country where there are very few sane people.
No more living like an animal
No more pdp apc
No more near death experiences
No more MC Oluomo
No more Tinubu4President
No more nonsense and ingredients

You are even talking of a surgeon. My friend was working in a factory in UK and bought his car in less than a year. Graduates here have worked for 5yrs and still cannot afford a car.

The guy stays in Leicester. He said I should forget what people say. They don't just want others to come.

Duke007:
Hi every one, l have been a nairalander for over 10 years and have seen people get advised here, thats why l am putting this up with my account.
I am not blaming anybody for my predicament, neither do l blame the loan app company for their shark like business sytle, l take responsibility for my actions. I am one of those people who criticized people for Falling into the trap of online loan company. It's basically a rat race syndrome and tends to take you deeper and deeper from the seemingly innocuous first attempt.

It all started when my side hussle of buying and selling food stuff suffered a decreased in cost of replacement due to inflation and my sales boy stealing my money. I took my first loan to boost my business and realized that the cost of the loan is high. Since then, it's been a malicious cycle of robbing Peter to pay Paul. I realized that l was lossing money in each transcation and in order to meet up with my payment to avoid defaulting, l resorted to other loan company. Now, l don't even no what to do, all cash injection coming to me is spent on servicing the loan. I can't even feed my family and pay my children school fees. I am tire of this scenario and want to break free. It has taken a toil on me physically, mentally and spiritually.

I seek advice from people who have gone thru this ugly experience on how to break free before it is too late. Below is the list of my indebtness:

Ucredit #22,976. 15.03.22(due date)
Oxloan #26,250. 17.03.22
Lcredit #60,000. 17.03.22
Eazycredit #58,904. 21.03.22
imoney. #20,242 24.3.22
Okash #42,416. 31.3.22

I welcome any useful suggestion on how to break free. Thanks

This is crazy!

Even with the high interest you noted, you still continued to borrow from several ones. If you can talk to family and friends and sell some things, you should be able to clear them. And please, take your eyes away from these loan apps. This is too much.

YourFavorite21:
I'm facing the same thing too. But my own case is that I'm a Final year student, and I needed money to start my project, plus other things in school I don't want to bother my dad( baba don try for me abeg) because he just paid my school fees of 160k, plus my Lodge rent and textbook money too, and he's also paying my younger sisters school fees, (100 level) too, plus my other siblings, now, it's time to payback and I don't even have any means, as I've used the money to pay for my project.

Na who else suppose try for you? He brought all of you to the world. Surely he probably has a plan on how to train you guys. For you to be in a school with fees of 160k means he can handle it. It's still better to ask him than to go to loan apps that you don't have income to pay back from.

NaijaBoy213:
Most selfish motherfvcker in the history of football.

Yeah. He should have passed the balls back to Fred and Sancho to score them. And for the header, it would have been selfless if had headed the ball back to Telles who took the corner kick to head it in.

sotall:


He hasn't scored since several matches ...but because he scored two now, we no go hear word!

Three

2009. Joined in 2011.

I read somewhere that it happens more when you sleep on your back. So I started sleeping on my side and I doubt it has happened since then.

true2god:
Divorce was never rampant then. Divorce, infidelity, etc were even considered a taboo. It is the western culture that brought in the concept of divorce, homosexuality, etc to our culture.

Which west? My husband's grandmother left his grandfather and remarried. Although after she became a widow, my husband's grandfather went back to remarry her. And of course she wasn't the only one in the village that left her husband. This was over 60 years ago.

My neighbours growing up had only their dad. Their mum used to come visit. Another neighbour on the same street was staying with her father (she's a popular actress now).

The point is that a lot of these things happened back then...divorce, domestic violence, homosexuality; whether or not it was against the culture.

How was the gist supposed to spread? Through the newspaper? Or NIPOST? With social media in the picture, everyone knows what is happening in Enugu, Kano, Jos, Cross River just from a click on the phone.

YinkaOlusesi16:
u funny. But it`s our nature

Lol... let's kuku drag everyone. No gender is free of blame.

Lalami3232:
Na so marriage suppose to be, not what we're seeing nowadays. Today if you mistakenly annoy your partner, the next step na divorce. Dem think say marriage na bed of roses. We dey even take pride in divorce sef. You go hear people dey say "I don't take shit from anyone ooooo", "marriage is to be enjoyed, not endured" bla bla bla. No perfect union anywhere. People wey we dey see wey don marry for years learnt how to tolerate, forgive and accept their partners for who they are. God know say I can never divorce my wife, except on the ground say na life/death situation. A friend of mine wey he marriage dey barely 2yrs dey ask me of divorce proceeding, I just look am and hiss. Funny enough eeh, na the women dey suffer for the divorce matter pass because before dem go see a better man, street don fvck dem tire. Small boys wey no reach to talk to you before go come. He too go wan still try luck weather he fit still shine your Congo and move. My dear men/women for nairaland, divorce is not the best option, that's if the situation isn't life threatening. No perfect union out there!!! Try to make yours work if you can


I don talk am before and I go talk am again, "no perfect marriage out there. Try to make yours work and you would be glad you did"

Divorce was still rampant then. It's just that we didn't have social media to publicize it. Just on my small street growing up, I can remember 3 families that didn't have both parents. My young mind didn't understand why until later.

Divorce didn't start today.

YinkaOlusesi16:
It`s adorable, when our girls of nowadays are looking for yahoo yahoo boys to lavish money on them. Average man no fit toast fine girl again, first thing they will look at is ur dressing & the type of iphone u are using.

Exactly.

Just like guys of nowadays don't know more than sex. They can't practise a no-sex relationship like the men of the older days. They demand it like it is their right.

Yam porridge or yam peppersoup?

Lastbornbuns:
May we not feel entitled to other people's money. You asked your brother for money, he told you he doesn't have. Now you feel his wife should've given you the money she kept to celebrate her child's birthday. How old are you again? That meat own sef. Things like that no de just happen. It's either you've overstayed your welcome (judging by your brother's reluctance to give you money, he's tired of you living there) or the woman is tired of constantly feeding you. No one likes a parasite. That's a fact. Even parents expect you to start bringing in money from a certain age. The longer you stay with them contributing nothing to upkeep, the more passive aggressions occur.

You don't give your brother or his wife any thing. You don't take up stuff around the house. You probably don't even help out in house work but you expect them to give you money whenever you ask. You expect her to give you money she kept to celebrate her child. What have you done to deserve it?

You are actually the self centered one. You're only thinking of yourself. Else you would've contributed no matter how small to celebrate your niece/nephew. Not being angry and justified in your sense of entitlement.

You have said it all. He expected her to give him the money with her...lol. Very funny dude. If we dig further, I'm sure he will proudly say he doesn't do any chores. He probably leaves his used plates unwashed.

Thank God he has got a job. When he rents his own place and start paying bills and buying foodstuffs, he might not see meat to eat.

Are these packs or bumps?

BeanmanX:
Which other part? sex? u think every men out there are sex freaks,,,,even if he wants to satisfy himself he can ma$tubate or patronize call girls

I didn't mention sex. You did. Ask him what he misses before you assume and follow in his footsteps.

haakeem2:
Not all of em, my uncle divorced since 2011 till nw, he hasnt remarried, and guess what? He has peace of mind.

He doesn't tell you the other part he's missing out on. He only says the part he wants to share.

MamiTer:
Hello good people of nairaland, I have a pressing issue and I really need your help.

A couple of years back I broke up with my boyfriend whom I really loved due to distance barriers. Getting over him was difficult for me so I had to go into a relationship with one of my toasters in order to get him off my mind.

I achieved my aim after a couple of months but the current guy was unwilling to let go, I didn't love him and couldn't get myself to love him despite trying to. I know I was selfish and opened up to him but he insisted that I would warm up to him with time and grow to love him.

The relationship was far from perfect, I was in it solely for what I benefited but we weren't compatible and it was from one issue to another. We were always at logger heads all the time. He insults me and my family at any given opportunity and talks down on me using secrets I shared with him as leverage each time we quarrel. He shredded my self-esteem.

He was insecure and attacked my male friends at any given opportunity including my lecturers, he would access my social media accounts and send derogatory message to any male contact he feels is making a pass at me.
All these attitudes made me fed up with him and I decided to breakup for good.

Early this year I met a guy online and somehow we vibed together quickly, we met physically for the first time and it felt like we've known for ages. Everything moved so quickly with this new guy that I started developing serious feelings for him. I was scared because I never knew I would feel something like that again after I broke up with my other ex.

This new guy makes me happy and treats me like a woman, anytime spent with him is always memorable and I don't feel like leaving. The chemistry that we share is super strong and everything seems so perfect.

Now to my issue, this new guy is a fresh graduate and not yet stable, I don't have issues with his financial status because he made me realize a Lady can actually be happy without money being thrown at her. But I'm still scared of going all full into the relationship he might go for service and never come back to me. I don't just want a repeat of my previous relationship that got shattered after my ex relocated.

On the other hand, the other guy is hell bent on getting me back, he's been pleading and sending people to beg me even though I told him I've moved on and has even had sex with the new guy but he still wants me back.

I'm confused and don't know what to do, my heart is with the new guy but the other guy is making things so difficult for me and almost driving me insane. Can I still grow to love him?? Though I've been unable to after almost a year.

Should move on with the new guy?? I've known him for barely two months but it seems I've known him for ages, my feelings are exploding and I can hardly control them which is making me scared.

I'm sorry for the long epistle but I had to let it all out.
Please advice me.

Both of them don't have to be your only options. Must you choose from two of them?

showafrica:
In order words, allow status quo (failed parenting) remain? Well, you just want to live for today, I understand.

Obviously you have no other options. Therefore, no solution. You can only offer judgement.

When you have a solution for them, come back and profer it. Till then, your opinion is inconsequential.

JAMO84:
Good, let them run the schools with their Church money, their children can wear pants and bra to school.

And let the hijackers keep off with their hijab campaign.

showafrica:
Yes, this is how we adapt even the worst way of life. The reality on ground is the product of our wrong doings in the past. If you were able and I was able then it means its possible. As far as its the right thing, no sacrifice is big enough for the right thing. I am advising the younger ones here not to go that way of dropping a new born with a stranger but you are trying to make it look like thats what the society demands at the moment. It is not my dear, there is a better option. If you look at our society, you will see failed parenting written all over the place and this case is one of it. Lets think outside the box, there are better options. At worst, if possible have all your children during the university. At least, to go to lecture is not by force.

What are the options? Mention some.

Me and you not doing it does not qualify the thousands that didn't have our opportunities/situation.

Do people have power over when they fall in love, get married, etc. How then can you say they should have their kids while in university? You are really funny. You see why I say you live in an ideal situation.

Everyone needs help. Crèches were created to fill in that gap that has been left open by the inadequacies in our system.

If you step out of your comfort zone, you will see how people are struggling to manage kids with work. But you prefer to be judgemental based on your own life situation and to be rigid in your mindset. You live in a bubble and do not have the ability to empathize.

Allow the "failed parents" continue in their "failed parenting". You will be fine.

showafrica:
You quote me where i stated all these. If the husband pushed her to slave work no problem, both bears the consequence of there actions and, i am saying it is not the right decision. . However, my point is a lot of women detest been house wife and I don't understand what they meant. You have been jobless and immediately you get married you start shouting I can't be a housewife at the expense of a new born. Why not start a business that will allow you nurse all your children for at least 5yrs before talking about 8 to 6 job. However, if the guy decides to marry a working class from the onset then, the gold digger should have made a better plan for a 3 month old baby. However, you look at, it is wrong to leave a 3 months old baby in the hands of strangers. (failed parenting)

Look at Nairaland for instance...how many men in this current economy can afford to work alone while the wife stays home? Do you think it is that easy to get money to start a business. You are talking about an ideal situation.

An ideal situation is that her mum or mum inlaw will come and stay 6months while the wife resumes work. Not everyone has that privilege. What if she's an orphan and her mum inlaw cannot stay longer than a month?

I didn't have to take my babies to the creche that early but I do understand what other mums are going through. I look around me and observe that not everyone might have it easy.

You obviously see things only from your perspective, every other way is wrong according to you. Open your eyes and mind to the reality of the world around you.

The sacrifices they make to make to be away from their babies might be necessary. That is not failed parenting.

showafrica:
I am talking from experience pls don't defend nonesense. 3 months old baby don't have any business with creche. It is better to find a good nani if the work is mouth watering otherwise, find better thing do with your life.

A good nanny? Nannies that are kidnapping babies everyday. Some people will also tell you that a 3month old does not have any business with a nanny.A crèche is a preferred option for many.

And I'm not defending "nonsense", I'm also talking from experience. How many months is maternity leave? I have seen younger babies in a Crèche.

If the mother didn't have to work, do you think she would be happy to drop her baby? Many of these women need the job.

What you should be condemning and advocating for is a longer maternity leave for nursing mothers. If we had a ebetter system in this country, would mothers have to rush back to work?

4words:
I must be living under a rock .

Probably Olumo rock

4words:
Well, it won't be same as the 20s...

like going clubbing, partying, keep several male friends, late nights, alcoholism and drug abuse. All these will be cut off or reduced to the barest minimum. So you see, in her late 30s, life is more purposeful.

Only a handful of women in their late 30s still engages in such behaviours.

We are talking of mid 30s and not 40s. It seems you don't know what is happening outside.

showafrica:
This work of a thing is over rated. Ask her how is her take home, you will hear 45k or highest 80k. Less than 200$ in the name of i dont want to be a house wife. My brothers, hustle oo, make them no use ur pikin gamble. Marry a house wife... Who is ready to take care of ur children during the first 6 yrs of marriage at least and open a side business for her. After nursing all your children, she can then look for a work of her choice and work for fun. Why should I marry someone who is always rushing out every morning and coming back late, taking orders from one idiot as boss? It doesn't make sense to me. I rather keep numerous baby mamas

You are still the ones that will ask what she is bringing to the table. How are you sure that she's the one that pushed for a job? Have you thought of the fact that they might need the money to support her husband?

Why are some of you guys so bias towards women, so quick to label them the fault bearer.

And what is wrong in being a career mum? There's nothing wrong with crèches. It has saved families since time immemorial. Do you know if you were kept in a crèche?

Most of you unmarried ones are the ones throwing shades like everyone's situation is a perfect one. Get married and run all yours by textbook.

descarado:
3 months

What about her place of work?
These days, establishments have facilities set up for nursing mothers.

Haba


Why start work 3 months after childbirth?

This is heartbreaking

No cctv.

Do you have this in your office? How many offices have those?

thesicilian:
What's a 3 month old baby doing at a crèche?

Unfortunately, that's the case for many. Even 2 months old stay in creches. Maternity leave is 3 montjs and some women have to go on leave before the 3 months.

That already reduces the time she'll stay with the baby. I heard private schools give just 4 weeks mat leave. Where do you now leave your baby especially when you need the job.

Mum or MIL usually stay for one month and go back to theor lives except in some cases. Plus a lot.of people prefer dropping the babies in a crèche rather than keeping with a nanny at home that could run away with the baby.

There has to be some kind of intervention for working mums. No woman wants to leave their little babies at that time.

4words:
Which youth? Someone that would have like 3 children to worry about woul have little time to consider youthfulness.

By the time she is done with children, she will be in her mid or late 30s

It's not too late to want to explore at mid 30.

Nicepoker:
By Nov 2022 you will create another thread with your alternate Monika for advice.

You are mean!