₦airaland Forum

rominiyi:
May God gives me the grace to really say no, I may be foolish , but right now a decision will fall into place today , I am discussing it with my hubby,
I think its better for me to able to know his mind, after he was about leaving me for a white girl , even before this came up.

where are you guys based? what does your mum think about this?

Rendani:
@ poster you are one of the most stupid married women i have ever come across.
 [size=18pt]RUBBISH  ABSOLUTE  RUBBISH[/size]

listen to yourself defending your ex, yeke yeke yeke, go on n get on with ur ex n ruin your marriage,

bros na our brother wey become ugly rumour for house make this woman dey see greener grass.

popegirl:
@ poster,
you are married to someone you dont love, right, and the love of your life is begging to come back, look, i've been hurt and i dont think i ever want to love again, but i still believe you should go after the man you love cos , since you are not happy with your marriage and you feel the only man that can make you happy is still single and willing to marry you, marriage is a lifetime thing and i won't advice you to spend the rest of ur life with a man you dont love, if you can tolerate him fine, butif you can't, pls follow your heart and go after the man that makes you happy

when temptation comes, may God give you grace to say no.  your advice is seriously wrong there are 2 sets of family involved here.  dont you see the effects of broken relationshipsall around you?. foolishness is not fun

nues aweso:
U dey fool urself and dey waste ppl time. Go thru the thread again and see what you have typed. U don make up ur mind already before coming on NL, _{Abeg make i go better thread. Not this rubbish}

talking about this  how did you discover  NL by the way?   yesterday it was  Omosegose and her husband thinking of walking out on their relationship today this. NL getting better publicity or what?

wbb

an ex junior sister (19yrs old) offered to pay for our breakfast. we were 4 @ £30 each. you wont believe the curses she rained on the hotel staff for charging that much for breakfast.

this was 9yrs ago plus she just came from nigeria on holiday changing money at black market. knowing she may never pay for any guys meal in her life i gave her the money 2 days later you need to see the relief on her face.

i taught her to always choose where to go if she was paying. if i knew she was going to offer to pay i would have allowed her to take us to a place she could afford.

rominiyi:
Thanks to u all for your wonderful advice. I know nairalanders do really care,
I didnt lost him at the sea,  he is also not aware of what I have been going thru cos I never mentioned it to him,  I have not also slept with him since we re-united again,  Though he was the one that dis-virgin me,
maybe its still part of the emotion ,

rominiyi:
@JJYOU
Thanks so very much and to OGB too, He is not manipulating me, I dont think so,  He was married too but it didnt work out and he is divorce right now,
though I didnt let him know all of this , that I really still do still care about him,  I just keep telling him noooooooooo I cant leave my husband and child for u ,  but its all a lie.

he has met with my child and loves her to bits,  i refused all of his gift but he kept on sending stuffs to my child saying she shoudl have been his,
thanks for ur time over my matter ,

i thank you for not sleeping with him. they say the road to any womans heart is lovingthe child. that must be chapter 1 vs 1 in any clever mans bible. i know this is very difficult for you. i have been there some yrs back. him having another family is making this matter complicated.  you dont know what the ex wife knows about you.

see if you can work on your relationship if you cant give yourself a break from both of them and give uncle romeo long time to prove himself. and please know that men dont appreciate what they conquered. dont give him sex on tap. make him wait until he has proved his worth. know that it wont be easy because you will loose many people along the way.

i hope you have not been called to pay the prize no one should ever be asked.  i envy you. thread carefully i say.

rominiyi:
Thanks to you all for taking interest in my matter ,  I really do appreciate it and may you find help when u need it ,
I have just finished speaking with my Dad now and he is inviting me over for a talk,  My ex was with him over the weekend in my hometown,
I truly love Him ,

what is your dad interest in this matter?  he should be helping you and not making you more vulnerable.

kokorunna:
Did you marry any of the below

An Oyinbo Woman
A Jamo Woman
or a born in UK never been to Naija ,

Its sounds like you are in one deep problem and sorry to say your wife has no respect unless you too have done something terrible.

The husband is the head of the house not the other way round.

does being head includes sending your wifes money to your mum? rights to be head of the home should come with responsibility dont you think?

rominiyi:
It might look like I am not ready to listen,  but my heart wants him,  Whatever u are telling me is for my own good,  I appreciate,  How can i still stay with a husband i stopped loving just for the sake of my child,
How can I rekindled my love for my husband? I am lost now ,  

think this through and through. i hate to see anyone hurt. i can just smell hurt all over.  i hope this guy is worth the agro he is about to cause you and your child.  i wonder why he has not married before now.

i dont know if you pray  please do because this is almost the devils arrow towards you.

how old are you? your hubby and romeo?

in your opinion is this guy leaving your marraige for?

ogb5:
Your case is a bit more complicated, you are having problems with your marriage and then an Ex shows up with love and marriage on a platter of Gold.

He might be coming back out of pity if he thinks you are not happy in your marriage.
he might be coming back because he has been searching for you for the past 6 yrs and just found you. (I wonder if you lost him at sea or on a deserted island, for it to take 6 yrs to locate you)

Whatever the reason he is coming now.
remember your marital vows.

If you are not happy in your marriage, together with your husband, go for counselling.
if it does not work, get a divorce properly before going into any other relationship.

Don't rush anything. You may regret it later.

chihums:
You are married for five years right?
so why are you still looking outside. For you are to really flee from adultery and heartbreak, i suggest you stop seeing your ex and stop communicating with him. you may not realize what is happening to you now until you see yourself in his bed and you will have a big price to pay for that and a bitter pill to drink. Think with your head not your heart. If your husband gets to know about this, do you think he can really trust you. You are married. Get that to your skull before a bird will rat you out.

how can a man expect a young lady to pay this heavy prize this day and age? the guy is so selfish and manipulative for going to her dad i am not trusting him with my dog let alone a woman.

i dont normally beg people to wise up i will do that here. why did you and this lovely romeo break up 6yrs ago if i may ask?

the fact he can go to your parents shows he is manipulating you into a relationship you will possibly loose.

Feelitx:
Zesty,

is this child male or female? If the child is male,are you prepared to handle the trauma of your husband willing everything he owns to the child without you feeling some form of jealousy? I mean if he wills everything to this child and not your biological child? If the child is female, You can proceed.

i think you derserve an award for foolishness. did your dad cut you off his will?

fs:
How much older are we talking?

Since the fact that he had a child was never hidden from you and doesn't bother you one bit (you know that truthfully right?), then if I was you, I'd go ahead. I have to tell you that I'm probably only Nigerian by birth and don't believe in many "cultural" things Nigerians say (like the guy has bad luck because the mother of his child passed on). I mean, what the heck is that supposed to mean? Are these people Christians that are saying this? Sometimes, I think we read different BIbles or something. [size=18pt]sort of unbelieving believers. [/size]

Personally, my husband and I are thinking of adopting a child in the future. We're both Nigerians. I'm just saying that to explain to you the kind of mindset I/we have. I believe one can truly/unconditionally love a child that they didn't give birth to. Do you believe the same thing? Can you truly love that child? If you can't, in the best interest of the child, no, you shouldn't marry his/her dad.

If you were the one that had a child, I'm sure your parents would be singing a different tune. Abeg.

thanks.

rominiyi:
thanks Ogb, those are true words,  its easier said than done cos this morning alone we have talked over 5 times!!

where is your husband my dear sister?  you should be talking to him.  this guy will definately use you and dump you and you will be the greatest looser plus you already have a child.  think think and think some more.

i think for this reason God gave you 2 running legs

Image123:
February 11 Proverbs 11v14

Pro 11:14 Where there is no wisdom, the people fall; but in the multitude of wise men there is safety.

Naturally,man has the inclination for independence.We want to do it on our own.As much as possible,we would prefer not to ask.Most people who ask ususlly do so because of past experiences(personal and known) of the limitations of not asking.Man is created a social being.He needs fellowship.He needs others.It is not good that man
should be alone.Where no counsel is,the people fall.Two heads are better than one. Lets learn to tap from others.No single person knows it all.Don't carry all the world's load on your head.get counsel.There is safety in the multitude of counselors.Get GODLY counsel around you.Overcome shyness and pride as the case may be.
Learn to listen to others.

[size=18pt]Two GOOD heads are better than one.[/size]

There is safety in the multitude of counselors YES. that is what proverbs say.

there is a thread opposite this here on NL. this is a funny world. do we start how to hide or kill babies thread too? kids are becoming a virus.

funmi where art thou?

where is your islamic list?

it is not part of your human right to tell lies. the bbc helped yeserday with panorama. it was 30 mins pro palestine becos jeremy bowen is married to one of them. is that not conflict of interest?

aisha2:
Nairaland just became more interesting. Imagine, husband and wife on the same site explaining to a bunch of redundant strangers their family wahala. I think this is a first.
Na wa oh, Mozilla busted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Anyaway, husband and wife, marriage is a serious issue, both of you need to open your minds andcommunicate more. Nothing we say here will hepl you except both of you make genuineefforts to understand strenghts weeknesses and work on them.
Oga, there is no excuse for cheating on you wife, and Madam, I come from a large family and if i have learnt anything it is that somehow somehow, you have to learn to tolerate people. You cant change someone, you saw his relationship with his family before you married him and Oga, you knew her reaction to your family before you guys got married, Talk please and talk does not mean hold your view and insist you are right, talk means express your feelings and let the other person express his or hers.
Something happened to me recently that made me realise i have oficially become a mature being, My Fiance did something to hurt me, previously, i would have come and post on nairaland and ask for advice, I almost did, but this time, i let the issue cool off for some days, so i would be calm and i talked to him about it, and he explained his reason for acting in that manner and we settled it amicably, this was something that would have destroyed ou relationship.
So Oga and madam, every relationship is work, This is as good as life is going to get, There will be always something or someone who will annoy you or hurt you, its how you react that makes all the difference.
Best wishes , and make your marriage work.

you changed your diet recently? why are you so wise? thanks a million. wisdom is truly beautiful.

where is topup for goodness sake? sisi, karma and the usual squad just went AWOL.

always try google first

Cookeclos:
my close friend is 3 months pregnant with twins and she has ask me for advice if she should abort the pregnancy. she has been married for 11years and has been seperated from her husband for 7 years. within the 7 years her husband has been in and out of her life but they never lived together, their marriage was blessed with three children before the seperation. my friend recently met another guy 4 months ago who has father 3 other children from 3 different women and she is now 3 months pregnant and the ultrasound says, she is pregnant with twins. what advice sholud i give her. pls nairalanders help!!!!!!!!!!!

3 +2 =5 IN 17YRS not bad. tell her not to kill. she might be killing the next obama

temi 4 rea:
@Samson
The fact i dont do things girls my age do then doesnt necessarily mean am useless at home, no i wasnt,Then i repair our electronic even if my brothers are around,wash the cars at home becos i knw after washing i will warm up the car,Help ironing cloths even though they are always re-ironed,smtimes i cook(they always complain thats why i dont).
Later i learnt how to cook from my friends,mum and husband.

@JJYOU
I mentioned its fun to be OKONLAWO!

I said the best part of it, is the fact am the baby of the house.

good you had fun. we were only 2 boys. i am no 1. didnt have much fun growing up. me and my brother always shared. he was always taking the fews things i had. still the best brother any person could wish for

why cant she start by telling the theives in her party and govt that they are spoiling naija's image

debosky:
Ransom

even dead body. una see lawlessness

hollandis:
If a benin indigene becomes VC, how would the binis benefit
grace alele williams was there anao was there ,nwanze was equally there,how did it benefits the binis
useless tribalistic people

pls clarify for me

earTHMama:
Am I lame?

as in aro? yes.

when are you standing for elective office? if i catch u. how are you?

bigguy75:
Best reply so far.

@Mozz,

Having your elder bro in your home, is  greatest flaw on your part!!  To worsen matters he follows you and your wife for marriage counselling and shopping? Awwwww, thats way too far!  Do you know what privacy is called?
He should be eternally grateful for your wife securing him a job after 6 yrs of unemployment and not being a home breaker complaining up and down looking for faults! This brother of yours attitudes despites that of an AGBAYA that has no shame!! If you dont know, hes a cunny, envious and a selfish person who you should cut off from, How can ones wife birth and the bro wouldnt call; no matter what might have happened in the past. You seem to be the quiet type and your bro has taken you for granted way too far!!! Cut him to size. Your Elder bro is married now enjoying his own marriage and fights with your wife over unnecessary issues and you also take sides with him,
Mozzilla, your kind of person shouldnt have been married in the first place as you find it difficult to put ur foot down on some certain issues, you place more importance on your siblings and mother rather than your wife,  Why did you get married in the first place? The 2 shall become one.
[b]You have really maltreated your wife and i can imagine whats she going thru,  She cant even advise you on any matter without you  making the comment You hate my family! If she hated your bro, will she help him? Will she offer her bed?
Having said this, Try to apologise to her,  Communicate more often and If you feel your leaving your wife and son in the uk and you running to Nigeria to hang with your siblings and mother is the best solution (I'm sorry for u oooo, FATE HAS A WAY OF CATCHING UP WITH MEN LIKE YOU!).
[/b]

sensible people here have said there are 2 sides to this issue. would you mind telling us how you cut off your family briliantly so we copy you quickly.

how did you get this

You have really maltreated your wife and i can imagine whats she going thru, She cant even advise you on any matter without you making the comment You hate my family! If she hated your bro, will she help him? Will she offer her bed?

may you never get someone like to mediate in your quarells. you are just amazing

**osisi:
I agree with you
What will a single person tell someone about marriage ?
book knowledge?
Your second point,I highlighted is so relevant.
People make the mistake of  quickly walking out on a troubled marriage only for the same things they ran away from to surface in their next marriage.
As long as there's no physical violence,any marriage still has a chance,that's my philosophy.
We are all humans and we all are subject to weaknesses.
I agree with you,they should do whatever is within their power to save their marriage.

God bless my brother eyes for seeing you.
thanks sistawoman and co.

Ilelobola:
Then he will understand why married people sometimes do or wish they could do something to hurt the other (and I don’t mean violence) especially when they feel hurt but it doesn’t mean they love that person any less than before. We are only human; hence why communication is paramount in marriage.

it is so amazing you try to try to make abnormal behaviours look normal. i dont like seeing my enemies hurt let alone people i love. why would you want to hurt someone you love?

Outstrip:
You know before she came and posted I already knew what the wife's story will be lke. Why will she like your older brother when he is moving in with a newly wed couple. No shame and still wants to complain about anything. I knew he was also lying when he said he had only sent 120 pounds to hs mom for a year. He basically told on himself when he posted. Any married woman that read what he wrote would have known right away what was going on. She says he cheated in the past and was even being verbally abusve when she was pregnant. My advice you guys should not reply to any more posts here and focus on repairing your marraige or leaving it. As for me sha I cannot forgive a man that will mistreat me when I am pregnant or bad mouth me to his relatives. If your husband was doing what he was supposed to do as a man his brother would not dare run his mouth. These kinds of things is what separates married men from married boys. If your blood pressure is high imagine how high your wife's was when you told her that you regret marrying her when she was carrying your child. You were very inconsiderate. I am very sure she is now bitter and even being spiteful now. A man who treats his wife with respect will also get respect back. You are not more important than her and she is not more important than you. If you do not see her as number one before your mother or siblings then you cannot even open your mouth to ask for respect.

every right comes with responsibilities.  the idea of seeking rights without responsibilities is harmfull in relationships. love does not seek its own.

i dont know who said insanity is doing same thing over and over yet expecting different results.  [size=18pt]marraige is hard work. it should be mostly about giving, sharing, tolerating and forgiving.  not a war zones of rules, rights and looking for opportunity to do greater damage.[/size]

as they say lets be roughly right than precisely wrong.  marraige is a beautiful institution meant to bring out our best not our worst.

Busy_body:
JJyou is a happily married man, next question

[size=18pt]It is not you that your husband's brother dislikes, so during the courtship, you could have gotten closer to his brother [size=16pt]^{you still can}[/size] and work with him. You both love the same person and want good for him. Your hubby would have seen this, and try to make amends with his brother too, and his affection for you would have grown stronger.[/size]

So what I will implore you to do is that, instead of compounding his woes and making his marital home intolerable for him, you need to scratch the surface to realise that underneath all of this, HE IS A VERY CARING AND DECENT PERSON. He would have turned his back on his mum too, if he wasn't a decent person. I am not excusing him, but you unknowingly pushed him away, because he could not handle the pressure at home, and still can't.  

You both want to connect with each other, so you need to take a break and go and find somewhere peaceful to talk. Plan the next stage in your life together, communicate, apologise to one another, learn to trust each other's judgement, open a joint bank account if you wish, think about the good in each other, think about what attracted you to each other, reminisce, plan outing for future dates, surprise each other, appreciate each other, talk and listen till you are both blue in the face, and try not to let any argument or disagreement spill over to the next day.

It is not going to be a walk in the park, because you are going to be opening a lot of old wounds, but what you both have is worth salvaging, because you still love each other, and I believe by the grace of God that it shall be well with both of you.

I understand what you are going through, but you have to grab life with both hands. I wish you all the best. Your husband chose you to be his lifelong companion, his solace, his comfort, he loved you, he still does, hence his cry for help. Give peace a chance.

thanks for coming to your brothers rescue. it is so good to know we have people like you here we can always relly on to pasionately tell the truth ALWAYS.

i know leaving and cleaving is a mantra people who dont understand the bible like to use. my lovely ma-in laws say if you do the rest of the things the bible says to do as in loving, prefering and caring for people, you wont be preaching the doctrine of I, ME, MYSELF. we will always need people. i think we were here on shapeys thread about the flogging inlaws.

may God help us keep happy and healthy homes.

foolish idiots. they dont stand for anything

funmi when are you going to stand?

another home and away game. where is ricki lake and co? almost every criminal swear by the bible and some unholy books and go on to lie without shame daily.

if you are not a strong person dont go for the DNA option. it opens up loads of things you cannot control.

Kunleenzo:
u know ur problem?Na longer dey worry u.U for invite all d people wey dey your village make dem come dey eat for your husband house.yeye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u must be nominated for idiot of the year. you see how village girls get manner. you are a disgrace to humanity. i dont know how nigeria deserve fools like you

plappville:
dear i laugh, what has a white di ck got to do with this issue?? this is not a matter of race plz, and what do u think i should be deliverd of??
I didn't say my family will depend on hubby for life, stop adding words, all dsame thanks for ur contribution.

you are very matured for your age. many people here dont know what you have been through and yet sit down here and complain. learn to ignore them. you dont have to reply everyone.

Pre-Marital Sex Is [size=18pt]Fornication[/size] it is Pre-Marital Sex and it is always wrong. against you and God