₦airaland Forum

cash247:
Tuface fall people hand o!!! Why start what you can't finish? It'll make sense if it goes on without him. Shame go catch the guy no be small but the protest is not all about him anyways.

He never started it. He jumped on it. I was surprised to hear he'd "cancelled" it.

Spidermon:
Training?

Once your connectz is strong, you just get appointment letter, sew your uniform, resume and start misbehaving.

Even rifle handling, na for police checkpoint for express dem go learn am.

Nigeria na like blue film.

Hahahahaha. I hope nobody believes you though because this isn't true.

They taught you the wrong things about God. You had wrong expectations of God. God doesn't fail anyone. This is the problem with religion.

itsik:
Naija politicians and show off

As in, ehn?! Let the others continue to suffer under the sun and wait for salaries that won't come. After all, his excellency has paid one baby N1m.

baybeeboi:
See how Nigeria sells itself cheaply.

United States Embassy Questioning Magu, on what grounds?

Nigeria failing by the day.

Where did it say they "questioned" Magu? They went to have an informal chat with him to get his position. They could because they work with and even fund the EFCC. New Zealand embassy officials can't go chat with Magu because NZ doesn't fund any Nigerian agency and our stolen monies aren't in NZ.

Corrinthians:
Lies..

This is why i dislike bloggers. They are worse than politicians.

I cant believe this just made fp! Wtf! Even with no other source carrying the news?

That is how Nairaland rolls. It degenerates every day.

sisisioge: I think you are cuter at bolded.

Alright vicar, you appear to have ample knowledge about the issue. I really think she's cute( that's me not bothering my pretty head about the psychology of different temperaments and dispositions) . Those who want to channel their energies and intelligence into leaving a legacy for others are mostly geniuses whose life are kinda boring except for work.


If you ask me, I would say playing is more interesting than working...I would say, lazing is more interesting than diligence. Don't blame me oga, I'm not a dull girl... Remember that theory about humans and work?

Actually, it is. That is why intelligent people are sadder. But then you get some smart folks who don't think too much and are able to balance work and play. They're the ones who have it all - although I doubt they can get as "free" as average folks.

OBAGADAFFI:
You really don't know how Melancholies behave.
What you call Fun, might be totally boring to Melancholies.

For me I don't enjoy outdoors, and crowded places.

Melancholies have so much fun when they a lone.
That's when they start experiencing Eureka Moments.

Actually, I do. I am a people watcher. If you read my post well, where did I say anything about sending her outdoors? And you are wrong about having "so much fun when they are alone". A few might, but most don't. If you have a lot of creative energy and you are unable to channel it for some reason and you just sit there practising aloneness, you are not going to be having any fun. Melancholies are not a generic bunch. You have some Aspergians who want to be with people but lack the social skills to do so. You have others who genuinely like being alone. Eureka moments occur with creative thinking, not sitting down alone and wondering if there isn't something wrong with you for being alone. It's a very wide topic.

sisisioge:
Hmmm, happiness is relative dude...For some happiness is as simple as giving a butterfly a chance to fly or a mosquito a crush to its wings. Remember, both insects are flying insects. Be yourself please and have fun! Can you imagine how unhappy an introvert will be as a party host or how excited an extrovert would be as same party host? It is well...God created us all differently.

There is a scientific research, published in a peer-reviewed journal, on intelligence and happiness and the verdict is that intelligent people are way sadder than average folks because, among other things, they tend to think too much.

Anyway, here is the point I made in my post which you seem to have missed: She wondering if she is okay is a sign that she is not finding an outlet for her overthinking (this can be due to either laziness or want of the requisite skills) and that is decidedly a problem. You saying she is cute and all obviously missed this; that is, you missed the fact that she is being happiness but isn't having fun! That’s what I sought to address. Oh, yes, happiness is relative, but that’s another matter.

Please call me anything but “dude” if you choose to reply. I’m way too old for that word. Biko. Thank you for your cooperation.

sisisioge:
You are cute...

I'm an hybrid between extrovert and introvert...OK, a 6/10 extrovert. Yet, I love my own company, I talk to myself, laugh , smile and just plain enjoy playing in my head. You won't even guess it cos I could be the life of a party without working a sweat too! Enjoy your creative mind...nothing do you.

You make it sound like it's such a good thing. If you're in the world to have fun, it's a disadvantage for her. If you want to create and simply leave things in the world for others like Isaac Newton, Thomas Edison, etc, it's a good thing. She doesn't seem creative - that is why she has time to wonder about it. She may just end up one of those intelligent people who live a very unhappy life.

McBeal10:
OK, so I'll start off by saying yes I am an introvert. and my daily routine is either I'm reading a book or being on the internet or watching a movie or just allowing my thoughts to consume me literally. Sometimes I sit and think or should I say creating a scenario in my head... like I'm thinking of how the future would be or I'm recreating a past event that happened (to me) and you know turn it to how it should have been? sort of. Sometimes I'm curious about the littlest things it just makes wonder a lot. like there's just mysteries in this world, hell the universe like what if there's another planet like earth and there's another me somewhere out there in space?....

well anyways is this normal or it's just me?

Find an outlet. Try writing fiction.

Plastic gini? I have never found this story believable.

Xensity:
You and I know that you fall within the category of these "some."

See, you can try to build a strong emotional wall around your heart, and can try to reinforce this wall in whatever way possible. But the truth is, when you meet someone you genuinely love, and you begin to invest emotionally and affectionately into your relationship with this person, this emotional barricade just collapses, and all that would remain would be the soft, emotional Sinaj that just wants to be loved and respected by the guy she loves and respects. And when these needs are not met, you'd lapse into sadness and painful regret.

This applies to men too.

obidevine:
This is my first trip to South Africa and I'm hooked, South Africa should be tagged as the true Giant of Africa. Everywhere is so orderly and clean. Other African countries should learn a thing or 2 from South Africa . I'm wowed!!!


See wedding pictures here https://www.nairaland.com/3512632/some-wedding-pictures

Awww. Not again!

firstking01:
Well, you must not understand everything in life...grab the ones you can and forgo the rest..ATST.

You’re right about that one. But it’s also true that in a forum you discuss with, learn from and teach others. Anyway, what you wrote was funny. What I really don’t understand is ATST. You don’t have to explain it, of course, since I can forgo it, but please don’t drop another one yet!

Wrong posting

firstking01:
Marriage is longitudinal to age.

Your grammar is confusing me, sir.

refiner:
I was discussing with a friend earlier today...she is married tho with a kid,so she jokely asked me to bring a guy home next year ooo,that she can't wait to dance in my wedding ceremony...but I was like...sister mi,I will only get married when I get into school,graduate,go for nysc and have a good job,she didn't take that lightly with me....she started telling me how desperate many girls will be by that time and probably marry the wrong guy and also gave me an example with her husband elder sister who is still in her dad's house till today,getting old but still in her home...and she made a decision like me when she was younger but she has no hubby now and she's getting older....

Another friend of mine told me last week that she will be 21 by next year and if someone come for her she will willingly marry him...I was amazed...

What do you think friends...do you agree with them and what's ur reason,I will appreciate mature opinions...

Each has advantages and disadvantages. Segun Arinze was once asked why his first marriage crashed and he said he was "not maritally matured". But different people mature at different ages.

If you marry early, you have more time to look after your kids. You birth your kids, raise them and then start "flexing". But if you marry late, you're more prepared to look after your kids. All the men I know who married late not only dot on their kids when they come but on their wives too. At 40, there is a certain calm seen-it-all approach you take to issues and you can withstand almost anything from your spouse.

IAmOged:
make her feel like you could totally walk away and do your own thing and it wouldnt bother you.”

I’m still musing this.

It doesn’t seem to factor in what happens when he is in love. That is when the brain takes a backseat and ever so “needy love” takes over. (We’re not talking about someone who’s needy by inclination here, but a normally objective person.)

The reason players and jerks don’t have a problem with “needy love” is because they won’t fall in love, to start with. (Of course, this will work for a good guy who has "disciplined" himself not to fall in love.) If a regular player fell in love he would exhibit “neediness”. When players and jerks “make her feel like you could totally walk away and do your own thing and it wouldnt bother you”, they are not faking it – they genuinely don’t care. A regular guy in love, on the other hand, actually cares. If he tries to fake it, the outcome may be ghastly. The only way out is to actually stop caring that much. Tell himself it’s not “do or die”. Or retain his feelings and simply “be himself”, as they say, and face the real possibility that she slips away. Neither is pretty. That is why love is often trouble.

IAmOged:
whichway-omit the harbingers of words mastery from relationship, everything then down-tone to body language expression-making it alot easier to carry out normal human biological pair bond,mating etc.
you dont have to stress yourselves throbbing hard in words mix emotional sac-just body language, den everybody is wet and ready..no long process

Lol. Your own word mastery is good, though. Words come naturally to some and they forget to omit them in relationship situations, no stressing there. But I guess some do struggle. Still, I get your point – less is more.

Your thread is good. I think it is sufficiently close to the reality and addresses some very crucial issues. I have been examining this matter for a while and your thread added one missing piece for me. Those talking about generlisation, I think they are missing the point. Generalisation is inevitable. There are people who don’t need game, yes. But those who have been there will see the point and understand what all this talk is about. These, after all, are things that come quite naturally to “players”. I’m dealing with a situation at the moment and I’m just now trying to regain my sanity while hoping my mistakes haven’t ruined things too much and feeling (yeah, feeling!) deep down that we will overcome our present challenges and misunderstandings.

IAmOged:
papa d papa...[smellymouth abeg borrow me dat meme]. i think mastery of words complicate relationship between men and women....ask me why?

Why is that? On one party's part or both?

IAmOged:
okay

am shortening it..though d messages are repressed

Did you really shorten it? If you have a fuller version, send it to me.

Your writeup is brilliant! Just brilliant. I have read a lot of stuff on this matter lately so a lot that you say ring a bell. Here is what I think. The delicate balancing you describe is an ideal - “get out of the way and let her love you”, “talk to her, be nice to her, joke with her, etc… But just don’t display the needy love emotions. Treat the girl like any other dude you know. Don’t say anything that implies that you “need” anything from her, don’t stare at her too long, don’t follow her around, don’t demand her attention, dont do things for her, etc… If you're out with her, dont make her feel “responsible” for you – make her feel like you could totally walk away and do your own thing and it wouldnt bother you.” Ok. I hear.

I doubt a non-player* can actually get it right, although he might, with practice, sufficiently approximate it such that his someone would find her way to him. But yours is an ideal worth working towards – for those who can be bothered. So a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist will all always get the girl, not because she like his “badness” but because he has something else she wants: unpredictability. This will not make for a good lasting relationship, of course, particularly in today's Nigeria where so many folks have no qualms walking over anyone in their bid to "make it" and there are no social institutions or safety nets to ease the hardship of tragedies, but the process of falling in love is not a logical process so women will often act in this way.

Here is my question to you. What of a guy who meets a girl and picks her for the LOGICAL reasons: She sounded just like what he has always wanted in his rational mind, but once she shows some attention, his emotional mind takes over and needy love creeps in. In this case, logical love and needy love are not mutually exclusive – in fact, the whole thing is founded on logical love.

By the way, have you read a guy called David Deida?

(Pardon any typos, abeg. I’m sleepy, as it's been a long day balancing work and play!)

*Modified

AfonjaStinks:


You can't please or satisfy women, that's why i 100% support Babymama

Why waste your time in this our social media/technology damaged generation marrying a woman ??

Hehn? That's a new one!

They had to blank out their faces. Nigerians get wahala.

WORLDHISTORY101:
Another time she asked me what denomination I associated with. I am not a religious person but I lied to her that I was a member of a certain church only for me to find out that not only was it her church but she sometimes attended “my branch”. Every day she would remind me of mid-week service. See wahala that I put myself. So that I would not look like the child of the devil, I went with her once, after that I did not go again.

Hahahahaha. I never lie about this one. Actually, I don’t lie in these matters, certainly not to someone I’m really into. I guess I’m self-sabotaging. I’m no good at lying anyway. I say I'm not religious and try to answer the flood of questions that follow as best I can. A girl that would be fixated on this sort of thing isn't likely to hold my attention for long, anyway.

Now, to your epistle. I will be frank with you: nobody can answer your question. Stop trying to read a woman - you will never succeed. It's easier to conduct a bloodless election in Rivers State than to read a woman. I don't know what it is - maybe it's those raging hormones or something - but women are meant to confuse us. It comes to them naturally. Just relax, do what your mind tells you and see what happens. You're lucky you're probably not in love, so you can pull through easily whatever happens.

Noblesoul123:
Pardon my ignorance, but how is this an offence? Both of them are adults. The man toasted her and she even met him in AN UNKNOWN DESTINATION. I suspect that there's more to the story

There is such an offence as "enticing" under the penal code. Adultery is also an offence. Enticing used to be an offence in Britain.

EgusiSoup:
you want to be screwing after 7 months?

I think you should respect yourself for a while.

Your post makes no sense. Just saying.

phlio666:
bro you are right i treat people right i do hve compassion on people but .......i dnt understand the feelin of bein in love

Then don't sweat love. It's probably the least thing you need anyway.

Take a pen and write down the things you want in a wife and go find her. Not being in love leaves your brain, rather than your heart, in the driving seat. When you find her you will gradually develop feelings for her. Love has its place and advantages, but we needn't dwell on those.

* Edit: Then don't

phlio666:
Bro i really dnt want to but for my dad he is what i ve left

You seem to be mixing up marriage and love. They're not the same thing. What your dad is asking for is that you get married. That is different from love. You can marry without being in love like that. But if you're a psychopath, marriage may not be a good idea. So check how you treat people around you. If you treat them with compassion and consideration and you're capable of empathy, you should be able to live with a wife, other things being equal.

phlio666:
Am a medical doctor and i dnt think have exprienced what love is all abt unless when i want to have sex wit a lady .....i dnt hve a gf i just pick at random to have sex wit it ends the following day....my dad wants me to get married and i dnt know what it feels to be in love apt from wanting to have sex..so how do u know

You probably don't wanna experience it! Trust me.

Being in love is the easiest way not to "get" a woman. It can make your brain take the backseat while your heart takes over.

donKonji:
In my journey through life and my personal daily interaction with everyday people, I have keenly observed that men seeking ladies to settle down with are quite intolerant of women whose body counts (as it pertains to sexual liaisons) are relatively high. It is also true that very often ladies prefer to remain discrete on such matters only ever opening up to the fiancé when pricked by their conscience and when they suspect that sordid details of their past may haunt them someday in matrimony.
But one very interesting perspective on this topic is the heightened resentment men seeking ladies for marriage display towards such spinsters who have had emotional or sexual affairs with married men in the past. Statistically, younger men were more turned off and nursed second thoughts on progressing the marriage-bound relationships when presented with such revelations than their older counterparts.
This has led me to believe that morally inappropriate behaviors perpetrated by ladies in their past are better dealt with by older men who probably possess the requisite maturity needed to deal with the emotional issues than younger men.
What's your take?
In my subsequent post, I'll give you a real-life portrayal of how a younger man dealt with this situation versus an older fellow.

Your write-up made for good reading until you started to input your own value judgement. Whether a high body count is "morally" wrong or not is subjective and better left out of a critical examination of a matter of this nature.

But I will be reading your thread and maybe you can manage to eschew too much subjectivity henceforth.