₦airaland Forum

But above all, not having God first in your marriage assuming it was He who put these two together.

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=575982.msg7424211#msg7424211 date=1293572637](pulling out measuring tape, still pulling, still pulling, and still pulling) Nawl, we won't be going to court at all. [/quote]Mrs. Eve, you are SILLY!

This article is so unbelievable. First she said, she don't want him because of his "performance" and that he couldn't "satisfy" her. Then it was he was cheating and refused to sleep with her. Then it was he and his new woman was beating her.

I find this story hard to believe. She needs to stick to one lie and leave it at that.

I don't think it's anything wrong with dating your neighbor. BUT, you have to take into consideration in case things don't work out between you two.  It would be quite awkward watching the other one go on dates or if the relationships ends badly and you two live so close in proximity.  When something like this happens, one or the other will think that you are trying to make them jealous or disrespecting the other person.

Then too you have to take into consideration, I'm sure you have nosey neighbor's watching the two of you like a soap opera.  So outside of those instances, this is something you may want to keep in the back of your mind and granted, you both agree on dating each other.  Then go for it! From what you wrote, it don't sound like she's all that interested in getting into something serious or is going to need plenty of space from her partner.  And it's hard when you two live right next door to each other. You are going to see each other every day. But that doesn't mean it couldn't work out either.

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=549877.msg7423942#msg7423942 date=1293569014]That was cute, he is missing the toilet now!  With his bad aimin arse! I keep my nephews on some weekends and LAWD HAVE MURCEE they both under the age of seven and It like piss and slide in the bathroom. The day my nephews come visit me I know I will be sliding to the toilet![/quote] I'm dying laughing at you girl!   , but you did hit on something, I truly hate "urine" splashes around the toilet and on the floor. It's as if like they were "jittin'"<--I hope I'm spelling it right) and pee'ing at the same time.  That's gross. Uggh, I feel you

I agree couples should do what works for them. But I have to say, just because you are in a relationship, you don't have to make that person your entire life. That is why it's always good to discuss each other's views about a relationship and if it slightly differs, then you can compromise so that neither one will feel "suffocated" or "pressured". If you all "in" and don't let your partner breathe, your relationship is bound to get "stale" and "boring" quickly. Keep the spice and mystery going. So that when you do meet up or talk. You will actually have something to talk about. It's good to "check-in" briefly but don't over do it with feeling like you have to call and tell everything from the time you woke up until you went to bed and everything else in between.

, ooohhh kokoye! , you're right, livedit struggling trying to keep up.

Livedit relationship I would consider to be "Excellente'". Why? Because we both keep God first in our lives. We respect one another and honest with each other. Our personalities compliment each other. Where I am weak at, he is strong and where he is weak at, I am strong. Although with ANY relationship, there will be it's ups and down. But for the most part, which it should always be, and you ARE with the right person, it should mostly be good. You two are not always going to agree with each other. But as that cliche goes, "you both agree to disagree". We keep open communication and try to view each other's view from both sides, not just your's. We always try to keep our feelings, opinions, advice and emotions 100. No relationship is perfect, but for the most part, we are as close as to perfection as can be.

I agree with this article.  People do need to take the time to first learn about themselves before venturing off for a partner.  Courting should definitely be a prerequisite so you can get to learn about the person you are with and vice versa. So many people just run and jump head first and wonder why they get their head "busted" open. To wake up and realize, what the heck did I do? Who is this person laying next to me? Who am I?

Especially if you plan on settling down with someone.  Like the article said, being single or bachelor/bachlorette, you are use to looking out and taking care of "numeral uno".  Doing what you like when you want, how you want and what you want.  Some singles fail to realize that you are taking on a whole different personality and life.  You will have to accept their faults, their personality good and bad.  And vice versa.  Things that was once just "yours" has now become "ours."  It's alot more involved with marriage versus being single or "playing the field".  You have a whole new set of rules and responsibilities.

Great article!

All relationships should be built on trust, without trust, there is no relationship. No one said you have to reveal everything about yourself. I feel anything about yourself in all seriousness should be told. Therefore, giving the person a choice from the beginning rather or not they want to proceed.

Just watch Jerry Springer. People living as the opposite gender, your true intentions on what you are seeking in a relationship, your marital status, your religion/beliefs, your long term goals. Do you have any children. What are some of your hobbies? Things of that nature, then as the relationship progress into something more serious and you plan on having "relations" then you be honest with yourself and that person with your sexual health.

Everything else the person should learn gradually and naturally. I do agree that every dating couple should keep some kind of mystery to themselves. Be unpredictable and keep things interesting.

I would assume is because of a "respect" and religion tradition. Almost like a man wanting have a "son" first to carry on his name. That once you become married, you are spiritually joined as "one" unit.

I truly understand why it could be important to most, but to take this issue that far to say, "poof, be gone" because she disagreed with taking his name. Do you know if they would even compromise and let her hypenate her name? "Or was they flat out, oh you don't take my name, you not worthy of me. Hit the road?"

Honestly, I don't mind changing my last name. Also for the fact that I hate my current last name anyway. So it don't bother me!

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=570373.msg7422914#msg7422914 date=1293557538]Hello Livedit.

Some people are doing spouse swap and are not even knowing it. When you are dealing with someone 's spouses you are swapping spouses. In other words, you are taking that spouse position and in some culture it a disrespect.

There are television shows that support spouse swapping as a way to teach each other that the grass isn't always green on the other side.

I don't condone it.[/quote]Wow! Come to think of it Mrs. Eve, I think I did see a program once about this couple swapping spouse's. I remember flipping through channels and seen that. I forget the name of the program. I just shook my head and turned the channel.

I would think that would be a dissrespect. My thing is, why would you agree to marry this person and then later on decide well, can I do better? Or what have, gotta be careful who you hook up with my people. Interesting, like Arsenio Hall use to say: Things that make you wanna say hmmmmmmmm

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=570373.msg7359262#msg7359262 date=1292640993]I heard Jada is bi sexual!!! Is that true? They said she got girlfriends on the side while she screwing her husband Will. Now, I have said that open relationship is fun but it don't have to involve sex. You can have spouse swap as a way for understanding what you not use to and appreciate your spouse more.

I know some couple who have a sexless open relationship and one day of a month each do a spouse swap for that day with no sex involve and no kissing. Just purely platonic and informative. What do you guys think about that?[/quote]Hi Mrs. Eve! What exactly are the couples who are swapping mates learning from these strangers? I just think if a husband/wife are bumping heads or experiencing difficulties with open communication in the relationship, why not go seek a marriage counselor to learn and have a better understanding about your spouse. Some of the times, the problem could actually be you and not them. Why go to unqualified "strangers" who are also in the same rockly boat as you and your spouse help you when they can't help themselves? Please fill me in so that I may have a better understanding.

I agree with the previous poster. It don't hurt to try it. I met my now fiancee online. You just have to make sure to be careful and develop a "thick" skin when trying it. There are alot of sickos out there seeking to devour innocent people whomever let them. So you gotta be careful. But then there are good people out there too who is sincerely seeking a mate just like you. Just use your God given common sense and know that when something sounds too good to be true, it usually isn't.

Best of luck on your search!

Okay, I'm waiting to hear the shocker. You started chatting with an old "friend" on Facebook. You went back to your home town. Met up with her, took her out to reminisce about old time. She tells you she had a child. And, You didn't know she had a child. Big deal. You and her wasn't together. Things happen and she gave birth. Okaayyy, maybe Livedit is missing your point, but I don't see what's the problem. I mean, if you don't want to date a woman who already have a child. That IS your prerogative. Yall can still be friends right? Just find someone else if her having a child bothers you. End of story.

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=574612.msg7419312#msg7419312 date=1293496074]Girl, you made me laugh when you said that. I was laughing and crying. My husband thought somebody said something to me on the phone. He was ready to blow his chest out. Over my big, ashy, and juicy nyansh going back to his home country! Shiiiiiid! I hear you though and if it works for you sister girl by all means don't pay me no mind.

I don't give HUMANS that much power over me and I am not the "jump how high" person. By all means whatever works for those who do. I ain't mad atcha![/quote] You so silly! I'm laughing because I can picture a visual of that happening. Too funny girl!

mamaken:
if they got enough cash, they can by their ideal women nowadays. . .

"Our consultants will help you make the right choice. . .
Here one of our most popular model."

[img]http://www.allmystery.de/dateien/uh60320,1265636329,aufblasbare-gummipuppe-3.jpg[/img]

"she'll never disapoint u. Money-back guarantee!!!"

[img]http://digiphotostatic.libero.it/lillovip/med/aa33cd618b_4251323_med.jpg[/img]

- too too funny! OMG! What's with the guy with his crossed eye and cigarette! That really set this photo off. You all so silly, My God!

To answer your question, no, you are not a gold digger. Although it's true nobody owes you anything just because you decided to buy him something. But you give a gift as a token of your affection to express to this guy that you care about him and want to show it. Maybe he is not big on giving gifts or maybe he don't have the extra money to spend and ashamed to admit it. What ever the case maybe, obviously you are not happy with this current situation and you need to express that to him in a non-nagging way. Have he ever asked you for any "extra" money? Four years is a long time to spend with somebody and not to be able to ask and get an honest answer as to why he is being a tight wad when it comes to you. It has been my past experience that when my man wasn't spending his money on me, he was definitely spending it on someone else. Alot of women love surprise gifts/flowers. It makes us feel special, loved and appreciated. Until you get a straight answer from him and when you do, if he is not willing to compromise with you, I wouldn't marry him. Because at this rate, he will probably have you to pay for it.

How long has your friend been broken up and how long have you two been "hanging" out together will play a big part in this.  Because if he is recently broken up, then more than likely you will become a rebound.  So you truly want to be extra careful with this.  It maybe possible that he do "love" you, but it could be only as a friend. 

He told you in the beginning that he is fresh out of a relationship and isn't looking for anything "serious" right now.  That don't necessarily mean that his feelings can't change too.  How do YOU feel about this guy in YOUR heart?  Are you comfortable leaving things as they way there are or do you want to try escalating this into a "relationship"? 

In my opinion, I would just go with the flow.  I'm not sure if you two had "relations" yet, but that will also cloud your judgement and his too!  If you two are intimate right now, I say you may want to chill on that until you figure out exactly what you want out this relationship.  I'm not saying yall can't go hang out and kick it in that sense. But the intimacy definitely needs to be placed on hold until you figure out what you want and if either of you want to keep things as they are as good FWB or turn it into a romance.

That wouldn't be a pretty scene at all. For ALL parties involved. God forbid if this "person" is brought into my home. Yikes! My mind can't even take me there. Although livedit is saved, sanctified and filled with the holy spirit. It'll take everything in me and God almighty to stop me from going "loco". Luckily, I pray nothing like this EVER happen to me. No likey

What the OMG, this theory couldn't be far from the truth. Not all women are money hungry. So does that still make them evil? Livedit ain't hardly evil, so I can't get upset because this "theory" don't apply to me!

Holla!

It could be a number of reasons.  We can only speculate what he could be "thinking".  Since men are "visual" creatures, maybe he is staring at her because he likes what he see's.  Maybe he staring at her because she remind him of someone he use/or know.  Maybe he is a pervert and contemplating a plan.  Maybe he not looking at her at all daydreamin about someone or something else, but just looking in that direction therefore she "thinks" he is staring at her.  Maybe he contemplating on robbing her.  Maybe he's thinking up a plan to ask her out. Maybe he is actually looking at her mom! Maybe he just being a man and just admiring the "scenery".  The list is endless,

Like Carolece said, because you still have deep feelings for him. This person once meant alot to you, so when they are no longer in your life, it feels like a "lost". So in order for you to get over that person, allow yourself time to "grieve". You may never forget this person, but with time your feelings will fade away and you will be able to move on and love someone else. I'd never forget about my ex. But far as me dwelling on him, having any feelings for him, or wanting to be with him again, those days are completely and gratefully over with! If you are experiencing difficulties getting over this person, you can pray and ask God to help you and release them out of your spirit. Each day seems like an eternity but it'll get better and better for you. Since you said this person don't won't no form of communication with you (which is good) then that'll make it a tad bit easier for you to move on with your life. Because that is what they are doing. They are making/made you apart of their past. So you should do the same.

Mrs. Eve your point is very valid and makes perfect sense.  When I say seek God, you do pray to him for wisdom and guidance.  God has also blessed his people with common sense.  I would hope you don't meet a man saying crazy stuff like that, but when I say the husband has the final word. He does hun.  Yes you two should pray and seek God first. But in the end, if your husband says: hun, I don't want you to wear that revealing shirt or I want you to stay home tonight, then you are not to wear it.  You don't have to seek God and be like, God, should I wear this shirt or asking God if you can go out? That's what I mean by the last decision.  If your husband decides he wants to move back to his home country, as his wife. You have to go.

Your point of view is excellent.  There should always be mutual respect, but God does put the man in charge over the household.  This is minus some idiotic common sense stuff.  Just like the bible says: If a man don't work, he don't eat.  There are rules for him as well. But I completely understand what you are saying. Honestly, I do.

baba4u93:
Women r special ones created by God. if u praise her,she tinks u r tellin lies. if u dont, u r gud 4 notin. if she talks,she wants u 2 listn.if u listn, she wants u 2 talk. if u touch her, u r nt a gentlman. if u dont, u no b man. If u agree 2 all her likes, u b mumu. if u dont, u r nt understandn. so simple yet so complex, so wierd yet so beautiful. Dats a girl,

Here's your answer: key word: "Dats a girl, " girls behave that way, not women.

happylady:
thanks i need to think this one in the past i was too quick even now i am not scared like that

im scared if calling will make something worse because timing is everything

alot has hsappened since then,

I've edited my last post for you. But far as making things "worse" I suppose you are answering your own question rather or not you should call.

happylady:
think outside of the box i cant go into details here. but it happened all those crazy ideas you can come up with, happened. now im scared to call

Do you mean, "read between the lines" instead?  The title of the post was "Found Ex's Number" should you call?  I don't know about anyone else, but I automatically assumed you two broken up and you want to know rather or not to call to reconcile.  All we have to go off of is what you tell us.  Obviously something more happened than you let on with us initially, otherwise you wouldn't be "afraid".  Only way to put an end to your nervousness, is to take that chance an call him.  But be ready for the consequences that may come along with it.

Edited to add: Far as what you can say, I would say hello, assuming it is him who answers the phone and he still know who you are. I'd say something along the lines of, that you've been thinking about him and came across his number and decided to contact him just to see how you are doing.

If he don't sound too enthusied hearing from you. Then you end it the same as the above and toss his number away.

happylady:
why do some men want their women to lose weight so they will marry her - because he don't want to marry someone over his "idea" weight

why do some men want their women to gain weight - because he don't want to marry someone under his idea weight

why do some men say she doesnt call enough - because he feels she doesn't call him enough and want her to call more

why do some men say she is clingy - because he feels that she is insecure and acting like she don't have a life her own. Therefore won't give him any space to breathe


i could go on and on - and the answer will be basically the same

why isit this way? - because everyone are different and want/require different things to be happy

Case closed. 

happylady:
i hear what your all sayeing believe it or not, but every situtation is different have you even thought that we were together and lost contact and we dont have no mutual friends

My thing is, if you two were in a close "relationship" how did you lose contact with each other? People that is important to me and a part of my life, I make sure to keep contact some way for or another, Unless something tragic, life changing happened. Alot of times when you "lose" contact is because one or the other has drifting apart and decided to go into two different directions.

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=574612.msg7417608#msg7417608 date=1293478412]I disagree with you, Livedit when you said "that just the way".  The bible speaks about the man being the head of the household and he does not have a final say. The Holy Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost have the final say.  When you put everything BEFORE GOD then you are not honoring the LIVING WORD. 

If YOU chooses to follow your husband regardless of how you feel that your choice.  "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." (Proverbs 12:15) If you have a house before marriage and he has an apartment before marriage, a wise man will not buy another house for a house is already bought and paid for. REGARDLESS whom the owner of the house was.[/quote]How ya doing Mrs. Eve! 

I'm not saying you put any man before God.  Because He is a jealous God and no man comes before him.  That's in the ten commandments.  My reasoning is, granted the man you married is a true man of God and prayed and following the guidance of God.  God did place man as the leader in the household.  That's like telling your manager you will come to work when your ready.  They are the leader (manager) therefore, you have to listen to what they say.  If something goes awry in the household, God looks first at the husband (head).  Just like the church, when things are going wrong in the church, God first looks at the pastors first (head).  It's the same way.  Now, like you said, it would make more since if he lived in an apartment and you owned the house to choose the house. That's a no brainer.  However, if your husband decides, well hey, I want to live in my apartment. Therefore, you have no choice but to obey him.  Because when you disobey your husband, you ARE disobeying God. Those are God's rules.  You two serve him together true dat. But the husband do have the final word.  This is why you both should have a relationship with God first and the choice he make rather or not it's wrong on not, your husband will be accountable for it.  Married couples should always seek the face of God first. God's word has already been written.  That's all I'm saying.

Umm, why would you WANT to call your ex's number?  He IS your "ex" am I correct? Unless you plan on asking or getting back with him, let sleeping dogs lie.  You only setting yourself up for heartbreak.  What if he has a new woman and moved on with his life and his woman answered the phone? What are you going to say? I'm sorry, but I USED to be in relationship with him and wanted to call and say "hi"?  How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You'd be wondering why the heck is his "ex" calling you, right?  Then I feel you should show the same respect.  Then too, what if he never answers, or answers and tell you to "kick rocks". Then what? Why hash up old memories? I think you should let "him" go and move on with your life.  I'm sure he has.

"Shacking" is a sin and you can't expect God to bless you/him when you are living/sleeping with someone who isn't your spouse.  Now, if/when you do marry, it is written that the man follows God and the woman follows the man and then the children follows.  My husband is the head of the household.  So with that being said, my husband has the final word.  Livedit is a VERY independent woman and so as much as I would feel like making the choice, I have to do what the word of God says.  I am part owner of a house with my sister, however, I don't reside there.  If I was living there and my husband requested I move in with him, I have no choice but to do what he said rather I agree with it or not.  That's just the way it is rather you choose to agree with me or not.

No, it's not true that men are atm machines nor do I believe that men/women should be looked at as one either.  Relationships should be equal of giving and receiving.  Anything one sided is straight up using that person and completely wrong.  That goes for women and men.  No one owe you NOTHING. Granted you are in a relationship and not paying for "relations".