₦airaland Forum

ReinaFarine:
Will you deem it too forward for a lady to ask you out?

she has a right to go against the gender role society has constructed for her and she is hence not oppressive.

Personally I would not deem it forward but even I did, it will not take away her right to ask a guy out first or to propose to a guy.

I have a right to think what I think about her but not to discriminate or deny her opportunities due to her belief or her going against her percieved gender role boundaries.

Sagamite:
They are!

You want it more.

That is just like you see sex as though you are doing the man a favour.

Just because he wants it more.

Personally, if I marry, it is really for the woman. It is my favour, not my interest. A miserable institution!

true Baba! If not for religion, a lot of men would have stayed single. It is the rational path any man will take

ReinaFarine:
Socially, no. As long as the individual is not hindered by biological organs like hormonal differences, sexual organs and ish... Every individual should not be compelled or put into a box and made to assume a role simply because a majority of that gender have 'fun' doing that and society expects it.

i did not say anything about coercion or being put in a box.

The believe in gender roles does not foreclose the belief that every one has a right and should be given an opportunity to be what they want irrespective of the gender expectations. Most of us innately have expectations of others based on their members of a social classification (if not gender, then religion, race, tribe etc.). There are gender differences that are biological and there are those that are socially constructed or extrapolated from our understanding of the biological differences.

I do not think it is wrong to think along these gender roles so far as one doesn't deny anyone the opportunity to go against these gender expectations. For instance, I would not deem a lady as oppressive for expecting me to ask her out or propose although that is a socially constructed gender obligation.

ReinaFarine:
Sagamite is quite pained with the word feminism.... Well even though the word has been bastardised and used as a term to support man-hating and pseudo-abuse against the male gender, as long as the dictionary definition still reads a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, I AM A FEMINIST. I don't know but you can check the definition of who a Nazi is, who an Alqaeda sympathizer is or whatever, The definition of the term kind of describe who the person is and what they support. So until the term gets so bastardized that the definition changes in the dictionary, I am a feminist.

is it ok for people to believe in socially (at least non-biologically) construed gender roles (although force no one to take up a particular gender role) and still call themselves feminists?

Ladyhippolyta88:
Dear I don't go with that philosophy even if I were over religious I won't buy that I want a partner an egalitarian relationship and not a master slave marriage.I go with modernity.

you have a right to go with the philosophy you deem best.

I make no claims about which is better. Was only pointing out the religious perspective on it.

Ariel20:
Maybe you are dumb... Did a "cheating woman" sleep with herself.... Is it not with someone who is obviously a cheat and a man. Stupid African man with their repressive mentality.

the man she slept with might be single and not in a relationship.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Not in the 21st century world you work for what you want and not by gender.And it applies to marriage.

i was talking about religious doctrines and not 21st century societies.

of course in modern day society respect is earned.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Tell that to the religious folks.I have an egalitarian relationship and we are partners.Everyone has what they can define as marriageable and take note I won't give you respect because of gender or the head or tail of something but I would respect you because you earn it.To complete what I started I never supported such stop being chauvinistic and misogynistic because I don't buy that you actually need to learn to bridle your tongue and earn the respect of a woman and not think because you are a man and have a joystick you ultimately deserve respect to the 21st century woman you should earn it before you spew trash about the head and tail of the family.Daeylar where are you.

in many religions, respect is obligatory and not earned. The man is head of the house because he is male.

naughtyDiana:
as a lady, I self-service at least 2 times a month, sometimes, 2 months. when people say they are addicted to it, I just think it is a psychological disorder, cos I don't understand how I will be wanking everyday. addiction often happens to people who started wanking way too early.


been celibate for a year now, this February makes it a year, there are days when konji go hook me mehn, I wld start going through my phone to see which guy I can call to hang out but I wld just tell myself, "babe, self-service and relieve yourself". once I do that, I'm gonna be okay for the next 3weeks or more

you are likely addicted. You see wanking as a substitute for sex. you are not wanking everyday because your libido is not too strong.

gloria34:
a girl who hawks sex for free is no better, and even In marriage, u take care of ur wife, will u also call her a prostitute?

The husband financially provides because it's his duty and not as a reward for his wife agreeing to have sex with him.

You clearly see money as a reward for sexual intercourse

pocohantas:
Na now your day break?

Nice post.
Your last paragraph summarises it all.

nor mind me dear. been off and on nairaland these days. doing more instagram than nairaland.

Hope your Valentine/Ash/Champions League day is going fine?

conductorh2:
LMAO. Fraudgeria is a confirmed Shithole Zoo.

Rats chased your terrorist President Jubrin from his office for 3 months.

Snake swallowed 36m naira.

I guess these pictures of almajiri kids voting during last Saturday's LG elections are Photoshop. It was done by an antelope.

Shithole

read and understand. He is not saying it is not true. he is saying LG elections are not under INEC's supervisory control

LaudableXX:
The PDP guy is a hopeless joker. He did not complain when toll gate charges were increased. Now he is wailing about the introduction of Yoruba language, as a criteria for admission into state-owned schools. Why didn't his party PDP make noise when Anambra and Imo passed similar laws, to make Igbo compulsory in primary and secondary schools within their region? Or when Igbo language was incorporated into General Studies courses in state-owned tertiary institutions in Anambra? Yeye man!

well what i read was a credit pass in yoruba as a criteria for admission into state owned tertiary institutions.

did Anambra or Imo do that?

sgtponzihater1:
Women come to the Internet to rant and get all the sympathy from poorly baked individual. Marriage is not a game of tennis, ping pong or ludo it's a serious Business. What we have these day are people preparing more for wedding than leaving together. Before she post these rubbish, she should definitely find out; Is she marriageable?, how about her attitude?, does she have regard?, did she take time to study the guy, date and know if they are compatible, or did she spend more time checking out modern wedding fashion on Bella Naija?. 85% of our ladies and sadly also men are not marriageable, but they come online to rant all the rubbish they can gather, and get warped minded sympathisers to cheer on their bad behaviour. Peace!

we don't care how her attitude was. All we care about is if what she was saying is true. If there was domestic violence in her marriage then she did the right thing by separating from her husband. Even the church permits separation (not divorce) in event of domestic violence.

it is the same if a woman was physically abusing a man. The man has a right to separation.

heck even the physical abuser is obligated to separate until he/she can work on his/her aggression

Am not saying pay money before sex. Simple take care of your gf financially, with what u can afford .. Not just keep fuckving and not maintaining her. That's pure wickedness.

do not tie taking care of her to having sex with her.

What does she give me for having sex with me. If she does not want to have sex with me then she should simply say so.

alexialin:
Guys shouldn't disturb their gfs for sex, if they are not willing to take care of some of their gf's financial needs. Then if they get married, he can afterwards take care of his wife and immediate family financial needs. It's as simple as ABC.

so you mean a relationship before marriage is a sex for money relationship. How is that different from prostitution?

pocohantas:
Monex come and defend your people o...

The generalisation is stupid I agree. Most people (men & women) generalise from their experiences and that of others they have heard.

are there women who are above 30, doing well financially and develop bad attitude as a result of their financial/career sucsess? YES

Would this (bad attitude) be majority of those in that category (successful & above 30)? from my sampling, NO

Typically an attitude (perceived or real) comes from two things: A superiority Complex, or an Inferiority Complex. Despite this new wave of equal responsibility in marriage, majority of Nigerian women prefer to date up while majority of nigerian men prefer to date below their level. When a woman appears to be more successful than a man asking her out, it is possible for her to have a superiority complex or for him to have an inferiority complex.

cococandy:
did you read the part that said “ I don’t support what she did?”

yes I did. But the succeeding statement seemed to connote that what you didn't support was her still staying in the marriage.

My question was more innocent than you thought it to be.

modelmike7:
#113,000.........and Oga Jona made him a Billionaire overnight!!

that was the money he had in that account. Not the entire monies he has.

koolaid87:
Pussy, weak ass man..

You cheat, so what??

People say he deserved that.. but if it was the other way around, they would be the first to attack the man.

Only an aggressive b1tch would react like that. He ain't the first person to cheat and will never be the last.

If you can't deal with it, you separate. No need Of bringing violence into it.

the guy na anamu. Go home ooo, your wife is waiting for you with belt in her hand.

Real Men, don't cheat.. but if you get caught, let no woman try that sh1t with you.

No to violence

simple

cococandy:
I actually don’t support what she did.
“See you at home”. That means you’re still going to be with him. Rolls eye. Mtchew. Marriage is not by force. If he does it every time, leave his lying, cheating, STD carrying ass and move on with your life.

But it’s a relief to at least see one woman that doesn’t resort to fighting the side chic.

do you support the violence part?

Dimples129:
Is she selfish? Yes!
Is she a biatch? Yes!
Is she a fool? Yes!


Is this rape? Hell YES

legally it is Rape.

common sense says otherwise though. Else many women who pressure their husbands into continue-ing after his orgasm will be accused of rape.

petergriffin:
well its so annoying been rejected by a lady. you pick up the courage, walk to her, and tell her your mind and then she gave you rude response. that is totally not fair. she can simply be polite with it so you wont feel bad but they be like "excuse me?! i have no time and besides i don't date guys like you". you be like "what the fck??amma fck this girl up*.

nobody owes you anything !

part of having the courage to walk up to girl is to prepare for the worst. Pick yourself up and remember that a girl rejecting you does not mean you aren't good enough. We are diverse in our desires for a partner. One girl likes beard, another doesn't. Does it make growing a beard a more desirable or less desirable quality.

There are girls that would turn you down for being rich. Especially if she sees you value your money too much.

My summary is: just move on and keep your esteem.

pocohantas:
LOL.
One was kinda 'cocky', he asked for my number and I declined.
He said something like, "I'm not a nice/patient guy, I won't ask you for this a second time". He kept to his words and I liked that. He is a NLder, nice guy, but I didn't want that 'closeness' .

There was this one that kept going on and off. Said so many nonsense, then he prophesied how I will never get married or have kids. My village people have tied me and he wants to help with my deliverance... more nonsense again. I couldn't keep up

LaughButton01:
You should have just limited your talk to the man and not bring religion into it.
not until you know the age Mary married Joseph don't ever comment on this group
and if God himself can think she was mature enough to give birth to Jesus at 13 I see no reason why you should condemn. bro peace be unto you
Oya go and google

Apocryphal sources say Mary was between 12 & 14

note that in ancient jewish customs, girls were married at age 12

Blueberrie:
And some women themselves have the audacity to claim that they hate feminism

they have the right to hate it.

if you think what i say is wrong then you are not a feminist

SalamRushdie:
It was very wrong for Governor Shettima to attempt to tribalise the military ..In the heat of the battle when bullets are flying past , rumbling of explosives messing with the eardrum /balancing and the scent of death mixed with smells of burnt gunpowder and cordite fill the air , at this point there is no tribe , no religion , no colour or creed but just foes and friends , enemies and brothers , bravery and valor , comradeship and camaraderie ...Governor Shettima should not tribalise the battle front jare

very unprofessional of the Governor

Cyynthialove:
Nairaland visitors, pls don't take that goat that commented ist serious.
He's under payroll, that's why he's struggling to occupy the front page while defending this satanic government led by Lucifer's last born ( Buhari).
Imagine one person made a first, second and third comment on one thread, this is to tell you how desperate he is to defend this government just because of little change he gets from the government without considering the feelings of majority of Nigerians who are suffering because of the hardship Buhari inflicted on them ( Selfishness and wickedness of the highest order ).
Monitor his moniker and stop seeing him as a serious being.

I just typed this just because of some nairaland visitors that would be influenced by his stupid comment. I am saying out of experience because I was very gullible when I was just a visitor.

I repeat, don't allow his useless comment to influence you.

he is robotic. he cant influence much.

doctokwus:
This story sounds too sensational and more like typical SR of mixing few facts,hearsays and half-truths to form a story,unlike PremiumTimes who are now the no 1 online medium for credible news.
How can a whole DG of NIA give a lady in a car park $50k,when a gun wasn't held to his head.

you dey try for objectivity sha

Try and maintain restraint or ignore when faced with emotional abuse.

if you cant restrain yourself only respond with emotional abuse. Not physical abuse.

We must always do our best never to respond with more force than was received.

As at today physical abuse is perceived as weightier than emotional abuse.

Nice Post OP

pocohantas:
Nothing pleases you lots. The ones that have plans different from marriage, you call them feminist. You threaten them with menopause and loneliness in their old age. You don't allow them breathe in peace. You put it to them they can never be fulfilled without marriage.

A thread was created on how marrying women over 30 is akin to buying evening newspapers. 17pages of you guys reminding and bullying these women to go get married before 25.

How many of you took a minute to encourage same women to improve on themselves and not see marriage as the ultimate goal[on that thread]? The few women that raised these points were silenced and reminded of menopause.

Barely 48hours and here is another complaining all they want is marriage. Why won't they want marriage?
Why won't they keep dumping you lots for older suitors?
It's a vicious cycle. Get used to it.

That said,
Dearest Nigerian men,what do you want from your women?

Would you die if you live and let them live?

We (men and women) are not homogeneous. There are those who think like OP and there are those who think a woman's crown is marriage. People comment more on the post that aligns with their mentality.