₦airaland Forum

Is Nigeria the only country full of poor people? Are Nigerians suffering more than others? Why was it that, although previous generations grew up in poverty, some aren't infected by this corruption?

It has to do with morals, values and ethics. Leaders have to come from somewhere, and sold their souls along the line in order to be corrupted (like going over to the Dark Side in Star Wars). Many of us do the same in small ways, from the danfo conductor, the okada man, the FRSC operative, bank staff, office worker etc. Corruption, in effect, becomes endemic in a society that doesn't function properly. So it is with Nigeria.

@ poster - I went to university with some very good female programmers, even better than some of the guys. No assumption can be made as to whether a female can be a good programmer unless you've lived a very sheltered life.

A further sign of the breakdown of law and order in the country. What gets me is often the churches and mosques keeping the most noise aren't big buildings, they are about the size of a family home.

Once I heard this other-world sound coming from a mosque, the sound was distorted and scary. When I went past there were about 5 people in there, even though I could hear it clearly a couple of miles away (obviously the sound man wasn't around!) late in the evening. One night I'm getting ready to doze off, next thing I hear "alleluia!" like five times and I jump - it sounds like the person is in the compound! Turns out that a nearby church were having their all night vigil. Why have an all-night vigil with the volume at full blast at 2am in the morning?

These so-called churches have no respect for God and even less for the neighbourhood they are in. Or maybe they can't hear from God if the volume isn't going full blast.

Maybe  you need to explain how you got married without a wedding ring, yet your husband wants to have sex with you before marriage.

Are you actually married or not?

Topic: My Husband Refuse To Buy Me A Wedding Ring, Please Help! 
blessin011
Posts: 10


My Husband Refuse To Buy Me A Wedding Ring, Please Help!
« on: April 08, 2011, 05:46 PM »


hi nairalanders

I NEED HELP, MY HUSBAND REFUSE TO BUY ME A WEDDING RING AS A RESULT OF HIS RELIGIOUS BELIEVE WHEN WE DID OUR WEDDING,  HE BELIEVES RING IS NOT BIBLICAL,WE ACTUALLY WEDDED WITH THE BIBLE, PRESENTLY GUYS TRY TO COME AROUND AND TOAST  DUE TO THE FACT ,THERE IS NO SIGN OF THAT IN MY HAND.

More Nairaland Tales by Moonlight?

Are "polygamism" and "monogamism" real words or made up by the poster

AjanleKoko:
^^
Why did the 'innocent' give their money to churches?
After all churches are now being turned into discos and gyms in Europe, how come more churches are opening in Nigeria?

You guys are just soap-boxing. The Nigerian people believe in the churches, and that's why they are thriving. Why are you all taking panadol for an imagined headache?

You also miss the fact that cinemas and bingo halls are becoming churches in Europe.

segunx5:
A alcoholic can not go through a day without getting drunk.You are an alcoholic when it affects your job,seperates you from your family,eats you up financially,loss of memory,affects your physical apperance,and you take anything alcohol

Not quite true - have you never heard of a "functional alcoholic"? There are people who drink more than is good for them and I'm sure they go home blind drunk, but somehow they manage to work for a living and have some kind of family life. It is simply they have a weakness/dependency on alcohol.  During their "spare" time they spend it in a beer parlour.

sley4life:
its not a prob in 9ja. In SS its used in cleaning their teeth.I dont think 9ja consumption can b compared to Russia&the Scandinavian

It doesn't have to happen on the scale it does in Russia or wherever in Scandinavia for it to be a problem in Nigeria.  I'm sure most of the local gin sold is not for cleaning teeth.

@ Poster - it's the name of  a town in Northern Uganda 

@ ziga - I don't think it's in it's early stages in Nigeria, it is blatantly out there but people don't talk about it. I personally know of a neighbourhood where so many of the young men are raging alcoholics but nothing is being done to help them and everyone looks the other way. I've even seen and heard of police personnel on duty intoxicated, but is anything done to address this? Very rarely.

Alcoholism is one of those things people pretend to ignore until it's too late.

Juman: No, I don't think so. Our people don't have access to money like in the western countries.

Not true - you don't need to be wealthy or have lots of money to become an alcoholic.  Ever heard of local gin/beer?

[quote author=Orton1_0 link=topic=665782.msg8319587#msg8319587 date=1305384658] . . .keeping it clean is all i ask . . .![/quote]** cough cough**

@ tttn726 - I don't know where in the UK you are, but I've seen more and much worse in Lagos.  I'm sure many women don't even remember what their natural hair looks like.  

But men liking "natural" look is a joke at best - this may be true for some, but there are many who will go for the Barbie doll look on a black woman over natural.  A woman with short natural hair? Must be a Lesbian.   If her hair's longer maybe she can't afford s perm or - God forbid - a weave.

I had a discussion about this recently.  In the late 60s and 70s it was all about being "Black and Proud", afros, corn rows, natural hairdos etc were all part of that - what happened?  The other person said women now proudly wear weaves because they think they've arrived and "fight" or stand for nothing.  

And you know what they say about people who stand for nothing,

@ Craig D - I would suggest you get tested again, but could you reconcile these two statements in bold for for me:

Craig D: I later seperated wt my girlfriend and nw am abt settling down this year wt my new woman bt she demanded for d test and i agree though we hvn't  had sex and since am desperate to marry this year,i told her dat i wl do it whch i did yesterday and came ths morning for d result only to b told that am Hiv positive.

Craig D: And am i really positive since my former gf is negative and i hv bn making unprotected love wt her since two years plus and neva hv unprotected sex since she left and i only did it once in a month and mostly unpenetrative sex.

Have you been having "unpenetrative sex" since you have been with your current lady seeing that, according to you, you haven't had sex? 
What type of "unpenetrative sex" have you been engaged in?

lastpage:
Am laughing in Chineese, right now! (Dont ask me how that sound, l bet you've never seen any Chineese man laughing! They hardly laugh )

Let me ask: Did we not have Apollo infections in our Villages, before any European Doctor set foot in Africa? How then did we cure the problem when MOST of you "Westernized peeps" are saying "dont put anything, except its prescribed by a Doctor"? Who is a Doctor sef?

My Grandpa was the "Doctor" for about five Villages and l still remember being called "Omo Dokita" as a kid, anytime we go to our village!
He did not attend "school of medicine" in any University BUT he had "knowledge" of common traditional remedies that worked!
And his treatments were FREE! No He-goats and No Palm-Oil nor tubers of Yam!

Okay, l agree, too many quack magicians are around, fleecing people for nothing.

But l swear on my Ma's Grave that when l was small, though we lived in Lagos, we cured Apollo by using a local leaf (Efirin) that grew in our yard, make it tender by squeezing it thoroughly between our fingers and then dip it into small local gin (Ogogoro ) and then put one or two drops in the eye and God help you if you wake up next morning and you can feel anything in your eye except see like an Owl in total darkness!
I guess the "gin" was just solvent and it also served as a "disinfectant" to sterilize the leaf and our fingers!
Who says traditional medicine is unscientific?

Am not joking. Am sure someone who's matured a wee-bit will remember this treatment.
I am even willing to volunteer myself to be infected by anyone and then treat it likewise.
You know, Apollo was very prevalent, some decades ago and all those high-sounding Anti-Biotic were either not discovered nor readily available in Naija (Dont mention "cost" naah!)

The point l am making is that "there are certainly efficacious traditional treatment' that have been in use since God knows when, before we got exposed to Western medicine.

The Chineese kept the Acupuncture till the Europeans accepted its efficacy and even that it was far superior in treating certain ailments!

But we Africans (especially we Nigerians that have got some western education!) are very quick to condemn ANYTHING TRADITIONAL!
Whats wrong with us? Inferiority complex, abi na wetin?

BTW: I thought Chloraphenicol as a drug, has been proscribed worldwide?

While Western medicine may cure it Chloramphenicol, you've made a very valid point.  I could be wrong but I don't think Grandpa recommended people putting urine in their eye for Apollo cos I'm sure that is real village madness 

@ poster. while you are treating it make sure you wash your hands any time you put them near your eyes to stop the infection from spreading.  I would not put anything like hydrocortisone near your eyes unless recommended to by a medical doctor.  That stuff, not even 1% should go near your face without medical supervision.

I tend to flick between Google Maps and Ovi maps. In my area, the roads aren't named in the maps, I hear there's a way of manually putting them in your device's Ovi map. I'm going to research it and see what I come up with.

And here we see glaring examples of why nothing in Nigeria will change.  

If some of you continue to show your ignorance and disregard for others, don't be surprised in the real world when you get 419ed.  Respect begets respect, and even if it doesn't, never repay evil with evil.

harakiri:
You say you "owe" her so much. Can you open up a bit more on this? It's a good thing you something great going with marriage but as a man, i'll advice you not to let the euphoria cloud your brain. At the rate at which you're going, you would definitly be a piece of work if she changes tomorrow. Like they say, "woman na woman". A word is enough for those who choose to remain rational in ALL situations. Nuff said!

What if he changes tomorrow?

By and large, most children grow out of it.  As for people who still suck their thumbs, it's a comfort thing that non-thumb suckers wouldn't understand 

Blazay:
I sucked minezzzz till I was 14. . . the bitter leaf and iodine applied by my parents to make me stop only made my left thumb sweeter.
When I discovered a pen-ish, . . . it replaced the finger.
No education is wasted jare.

Thank my God I did not end up with one of those "Michelle Obama" kinds of sets of teeth.
We call it 'ako no gbe tumbler' those days(teeth wey dey break tumbler).
Very lucky I tellya.
14 good years of 'thumb-suckin'. . .world champion.

No. . .I will not stop them. Now I understand the psychology behind such an act(it is a comfort tool when they are scared or insecure).
Give 'em time.
Push come to shove. . . marry a goooooooooood dentist.

Most thumb suckers who haven't worn braces look scarier than Michelle Obama 

francisj:
Thank you all for your advise,I have call the corper boy and 'He is scare to his marrow.After I told him on how Thugs are keeping constant surveillance's at my resident ,He
vowed never to return to the north,(making arrangement with some of this friends on how to collect his discharge certificate.)
The teenage gal father have move her to Kano( her Aunt's place, perhap planning on abortion,) and trying to reduce Whta He called "disgrace on His family name".

I have be off & On trying to watch my ash as I tackle my personnel issue.

thank God ,the thugs have no issue with me !!!

Thank God for that because thugs can be stupid and lash out on anyone. Good luck on the move.

The OP is not serious - read between the lines people:

She's sleeping @ home in the afternoon.

She has to take a taxi 100 meters from home to pick up her child

Her husband is expected to travel from Ikeja to Ikoyi to pick up the child - last time I checked they weren't in the same vicinity.

Her sister has had 8 husbands.

Seriously, someone is catching fun here.

I dunno, I think it's fun. I recently spent an afternoon running around my friend's apartment being chased by my god daughter who was pretending to be a monster 

@ francisj - I hope you did not let this your neighbour bring this 15 year-old girl into your house to have intimacy.  That is highly irresponsible if that is the case.

If you allowed it you are just as culpable as the main occupant of the apartment.  And if the above is true, maybe you should consider heading the begging party to the mallam.

If none of the above is true, I suggest  you text him and let him know the situation, but you should not advise him. If he could have intimacy with a 15 year-old girl, he should be man enough to deal with the consequences himself.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]The institution has never been the problem (well if you wanna get married that is). 
I[b]t has always been the humans involved. . .[/b]like everything else, things turn to piss when they touch it.[/color]

Totally agree  - I always say the same thing when it comes to religion -  with all that you've said (though I probably wouldn't have put the last part as blunt  ).


@ deal_ordea - there are people who are bucking the trend, take heart!  Some women may be gold diggers, but not all are.  Some men womanize, but not all do.  Shallow people aren't realistic when it comes to marriage, but here are many who are serious about the institution.  Just make sure you don't compromise your values and standards just for the sake of "love and marriage".

baldman:
You would have made more sense if you had just  posted this " If all these "prophets" really see the future, why is there so much backwardness in the land? ", even that is some how lame.

That is a very valid question and not lame at all, even if it strays from the original post.

baldman:
I completely agree with OP that it is best to be led personally by the spirit of God, I also fully understand that some of the spiritualists are fake. But from time immemorial, there has always been some sort of consultation by the families. Most times, parental approval is predicated on spiritual guidance, even as we speak, if most of us here go to our parents to introduce a would be wife, the mothers are likely to reserve their comments or approval until   the face of the Lord  has been sought concerning the Lady.

I am still surprised to hear that some people get married without praying personally and confirming their revelation from a more matured spiritual mentor.

Are we saying that all the prophets are fake or that their spiritual guidance on the choice of a life partner is no longer necessary?

Do we have anyone here who went ahead to marry. following their hearts even where there has been a prophesy warning against same?

I know a couple who went ahead to marry against "spiritual" advice.  Twenty something years later they are still married.  Turns out the naysayers simply didn't like the husband because he was not from their place. 

The thing about spiritual consultations is that you have to shine your eyes.  I would rather seek the opinion of a spiritual mentor who knows me well and whose judgement I trust than a "Prophet" suggested by someone else or who I do not know very well.  Many of us rarely consult God on the day-to-day things, because we have some kind of belief doesn't mean that we suddenly start listening to a God we rarely listen to.  Talking to God is easy, listening takes patience.

We shouldn't ignore (and sadly many women do, especially after being emotionally and/or sexually involved with a man) the "red flags", the little warning signs and instincts that make us ask questions.  When someone tells us something we don't like, we need to reflect on it rather than dismiss it because it isn't what we want to hear. Especially if it is coming from people closest to us who we trust.

God gives us choices and that includes who we choose to marry.  It is not by force.

aameyah:
^^^
The 'prophet' later confessed that he wasn't of God. Just shine your eyes, i believe. Ask God to lead and bless the union.

There lies a BIG problem - consulting people without engaging our spiritual common sense and assuming they are genuine.

You're best bet is to buy a Nigeria travel guide.  It will answer most of your questions.

Alternatively, visit a sit like Tripadvisor or vtravelled.

You've posted in the wrong place - this should be in the "Travel" section.

Most people seem genuinely scared at the thought of coming to Nigeria, but in actual fact - so long as you get good advice and take sensible precautions - you'll be fine.

Sijo01:
I would have really love to reply you all one by one but its kind of stressfull. a big thanks to you all for taking your time to read the long story & commenting, i really appreciate. for d once that posted positive advice i will try and make do of them, for those that was rude try to be compassionate.

Any update on the outcome of the family meeting you avoided?

@ youngestpr


If you want to commute to see your family, you probably should not consider getting married. The idea alone so early in marriage is an insecure one. And running two households isn't cheap.

Also, because your fiancee says whatever you do she'll go along with may mean she isn't happy about it. Sit down and discuss it properly with her, do not accept "whatever you say is fine by me", I'm sure she has ideas of her own and you need to draw them out of her. I can tell you that if you decide to have households in two places she will resent it when she has to bring up the children on her own, when she wants company and you are far away. In effect, you are making a rod for your back taking that route.

That isn't the best way to raise a family. You and your wife need to have a life together before you even think about bringing children into the situation, and not from two different locations far away.

marjo:
I had to change my signature when i married cos my surname was the main part of my signature and quite legible so it got complicated me having a new surname and my signature being different. looking back its best to create a signature that has nothing to do with your surname for ladies -  that way when you marry, nothing changes you just keep signing the old signature away
Also as a lady it depends on how much you have done with your life and used the signature before marriage. If you have done much e.g shares, mutual trusts, landed property etc you now have to get bankers confirmations for so many accounts, share certificates change, etc it can be quite a bore. when my daughter grows up i will advise her to adopt a neutral style signature, the type that does  not reflect your name to the visible eye.
P>S i must say i have noticed that most men have such signatures - you could never guess their names by just looking at their signature

This is what I learnt from a guy years ago.  He also suggested having a signature that isn't easy to forge 

@ divalishis - Nekai and Cotton101 have basically made the point - let her stay and let him abuse her, because he will graduate to start beating her if she lets him continue.

She obviously has divided feelings about this, but in her heart I think she knows the right thing to do. I would suggest that, if her phone has the facility, she should record him during one of these conversations. If not, she should put it on speaker-phone in your presence, because no one will believe this man can be as abusive as he is. But only let her put it on speaker phone if you know you will not utter a word or even cough during their conversation.

For all we know he's probably the one sleeping around and projecting onto her to hide his own deeds.

Laajman:
Still on this matter: does anyone know any decent hotels in ther Ikeja region for 10-15k/night.
I'm finding almost ridiculous that I can hardly find anything online- except for the >$250/night options.

You could try the African Garden Lodge which is just off the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway/Isheri (Ogunnusi) Road, depending on the direction you're coming from. Their contact details:

017418899; 018200415; 08031911919; 08091150151

Prices vary from N8,000 to N18,000 depending on what type of room you want. Not sure if the prices have changed but call them and find out.

@ usherroyal

There are no direct flights from Nigeria to Barbados (I assume that's where you're referring to and not the Bahamas, right?) as far as I'm aware.  The only way you'd get a direct flight is if there's a chartered flight and to the best of my knowledge those are extremely rare.

Your best bet, as Siena has pointed out, is via London Heathrow.  The other option is a direct flight to the US, then a flight from there to Barbados.  I know there are regular flights from New York and Florida.  I'm sure you may be able to get flights with KLM and Air France, but I definitely know Virgin Atlantic and British Airways, US Air, Delta Airlines and American Airlines fly to Barbados.

Hope that helps - lemme know when you get there and how much it costs 

It's too much hassle if you have loads of documents etc signed with your maiden name signature.