₦airaland Forum

My first year in the university, during our second semester exam, one silly dude sat next to me because the dude I reserved the space for was running late.

This guy naturally has issues with being polite. How can you be blank upstairs and still be dragging my answer sheet with me. If I turn to the next page before he finishes, he will be grumbling, sometimes he'd try to force me to to wait for him. Na so I change am for am inside exam hall. We begin ginger ourselves inside exam hall. He started dropping cultists slang, trying to intimidate me na so I tell am "your papa there! Na via careless cappings you wan ID yourself". Lecturers/invigilators came to separate us and then I explained what happened. The dude was given another seat. Being clueless as usual, he had to submit his sheet like that.

He then came to meet me before leaving, telling me that if I get mind make I wait am outside after exam. I tell am " If you run, you be BST".

After I submit, I stay front of hall dey wait am. I saw him coming with his guy. I, myself started walking towards him to tell him I'm not a pushover and my calm nature isn't a true reflection of who I am.
He ended up spilling trash from him mouth, no action. He said he was gonna deal with me. Till date, I still dey wait am.

I was ready to fight and spill a little blood that day.

Kroos205:
During my WAEC, i mischecked timetable and thought i wasn't having paper the next day.... Omo na so i sleep falala, play and eat. E reach afternoon, i decided to check the timetable for my next paper, na so i see say i get Physics(theory)that particular day..damn i fell into darkness at that particular time.
I just goan do ablution, carry my praying mat and tesbiu....
I went to school the next day, boom my principal already fixed someone to write the exam for me... I was like Alhamdulilah... I sha give the man 1k.. Result came out, i had B... Is God not wonderful.
The prayer part still gat me laughing till date.

So, someone sitting for you and you settling the principal after is something you think God did for you? Just like a yahoo boy thanking God for getting a client. I am not judging but please, corruption is corruption, don't drag God into.

jahson19:
Allow the guy lie in peace na shuuuuu

Lol. I ignored at first but curiosity drove me. I don't like people that don't take care of their personal hygiene. So I was just moved to ask.

It's OK to exaggerate some things but this right here.......smh

okoroemeka:
this reminds me of a funny incident that happened during 1st October,I can't forget because a pretty girl I was currently dating came to my house to collect money for indepence celebration,so we decided that morning to have a quicke,in the process came a knock,who is that?it was my female friend elder sister,I have been dicking her codedly and she has same idea as her junior sister,so to prevent nuclear crisis the junior sister has to hide in the toilet while the senior was seriously and comprehensively fvcked with the other sister listening to the sound track,later it was her turn,quite an interesting indepence day if I may say.

And the older sister didn't wash up after the séx? I'm not saying you are lying o but I'm just assuming the older sister must be a very dirty girl to just go home immediately after having séx. She didn't even bother to clean herself up.

The older sister did not notice anything weird when she came in after you hid her sister in the bathroom. She must be pretty dumb or naive though.

TheSimiloluwa:
Hmmmnn.. Thanks anyway

Change your mindset, and the sooner you separate religion from reality, the better for you. Africans, especially Nigerians have this archaic mindset that as soon as things don't work in their favour, they term it spiritual. That's why the western world are miles ahead of us.

You are just plain lazy, and that's just it, bro. Nobody is using your star or moon or asteroid, what ever you call it. Pick up your laptop, go online and watch tutorials from YouTube. If you can't afford it, use MTN night bundle. Don't just hustle hard, hustle smart. Try UX/UI free tutorials. Most tech companies need remote UX/UI designers and they pay in top dollars.

Now, you are welcome.

My first year in school, I was still kind of an introvert. My roomie's neighbor from his hood came around to do clearance. First day, he was doing OK, second day, without my knowledge, he came home with this girl. Lord forgive me, but this girl was something else in appearance; short, unattractive face and body, with this massive yam leg.
I don't relate with my neighbours, so I had nowhere to go, my course mates don't live close by either. I was mad with anger. I begin vent outside the room o. Even konji disappear from the guy and girl body. She later left, embarrassed.

Some guys are something else sha. They can sleep with anything.

Where is Superman when you need him.

Quite an unfortunate event. I wonder what was going through his mind after he let go of the plane.

nosagold:
Wait... So you are into Yahoo Yahoo and you decided to fast for the Holy One to bless your Yahoo work? And during your fast, someone said your boss is blocking your Yahoo star? If that is the case, Satan is working on your file truly

As in, I had to read and reread the writeup. How can one be fasting and praying to God to help him get a client to steal money from. Now he thinks a fellow fraudster is taking his 'yahoo star'

God didn't reveal anything to him, it's just his inner thought telling him nonsense

I don't understand this funny writeup.

Let me get you straight; You are an aspiring internet fraudster, and you think a fraudster is using your star. So because you have not found clients to steal from, you believe someone else is using your destiny

Ain't this about a b*tch!! This is the stupidest writeup for the month of August.

You plan on stealing other people's sweat and you think it will be well with you. With such mindset, I don't think it will ever be.
You have a set of skills, use it to make legit money. Okada riders want the best of life but committing crime isn't an option because they are not lazy or stupíd.

Grbhabu:
They have start issuing APL

Could you kindly take a snapshot of what the appointment letter looks like. You can blur out your private Infos.
Did they request for original certificate or can one use statement of result?

Rayjnr:
Take a good look at your logo and work on it, the mother is a cattle while the baby looks more like a piglet, cross check.

Take a closer look and get the creativity in the design. First is a Holstein-Friesian dairy cow, then the black spot of the dairy cow represents a chicken and lastly, a pig. Trust me, it is a lovely design

Fresh out of NYSC, I had small connection for a government job, so I went to visit my aunt to help out with my credentials. Her connect was asking for money for 'fuel'. My aunt was like, no na, the money is too much. After the call ended, she faced me and said don't mind that man, he thinks it's everybody that has money. How much do you have sef? Me wey just fresh out of service with about N250k saved from both allawee and side hustle and I was still working as a freelancer o The man was just asking for N20k

Another one was when I called my then girlfriend, now ex, because we had a fight and I really missed her. While talking, I wanted to chip in some dirty words to make her wet, na so babe just scream, abeg abeg, that's not what I want to hear this night. I'm trying to get over a bad day, you are here telling me what I don't understand #OhShit! Bad timing . I just ended the call straight. She called back after few minutes to aplologise. I said it was OK but deep down I was still deeply hurt. That was the last time I called her.

My Dad's brother did it with his eyes. It was the usually easter break. I went home(to village) from school but unfortunately, I forgot the keys to our own house, so I decided to stay in my dad's brother's house. The next day, after the merriment and all, we all retired to our rooms to rest. Next morning, his daughter raised an alarm about her missing phone.

After hours of fruitless searching, we decided to do a small family meeting regarding the phone. As my uncle kept talking and threatening hell, his eyes never left mine. I kept wondering why this man was looking at me while speaking, because I never in my wildest dream believed he'd think me a thief. I was truly disappointed in him but didn't tell my mom or dad because it would have definitely caused a serious issue in both families.

I later found out it was the little boy of 10yrs who came to stay with my dad's brother so he can train him. Imagine a little boy of 10 stealing, and giving his family a bad name.

Another close one happened when I went to visit my parents two months ago. I was bored, so I went to see the game between Man city and Chelsea. The guy who we buy bags of sachet water from came around but my mother stepped out for a minute just as he arrived. He called her and she told him to just drop them at the entrance. When I came after the game, my mom asked me if I took money from her purse without telling her. I was confused, because even if na she born me, and we dey close, I still get my limit. I told her no. Then she said it's probably the guy who we buy sachet water from.

I told her to check her purse very well, while checking her purse again, she looked at her mirror stand and discovered her perfume was no longer where its usually placed. She said she was going to call the young boy's madam and report him. I told her to chill first before she'd probably make a very big mistake that cannot be erased.

Long story short, she later remembered she used some of the cash to buy frozen chicken to welcome me and to also cook dinner. Her perfume, she unconsciously picked it when it fell while sweeping her room, so she was feeling too lazy to place put back up where it belongs,so she kept it beside the side drawer.

That's how that young boy's image would have been tarnished if she didn't calm down.

Gamesmart:
Don't mind the grande Mumu who did not understand the question.

Nothing more vexatious than an idiiot telling smarter people that they are dumb.

Don't mind him. I know his types. They are the ones who always claim children come from God Almighty.

Bringing innocent children to come and suffer for their parents' foolishness. Very pathetic set of individuals. #spits

Gbogbowa:
when you have money then birth control is very easy but lack bring many children,even your wife menstrual circle will be abnormal

No offense but that's bullshhit. Family planning is free in federal hospitals, so there's no excuse. Most poor people at illiterates and when you advice them on family planning, they will tell you that it is God who gives children or some funny lame excuse.

I don't pray to be poor but I've said I won't have more than 2 kids if my income after expenses is less than 500k a month. No be me like sex pass but I do it with my head. Na wa o

walyx:
Please sir,pity the kids and ur wife. Sometimes too when things tough,i go just think of walking far from home and commit suicide but immediately the thought comes,i quickly eraze it off my mind and think of my two boys and wife. Having the hope it will be welk smday

You guys should stop all these annoying pity talks abeg. What was he thinking birthing 3 kids in a situation like this. He said he can't afford condom and now he's expecting the fourth.

Now you have 2 kids, for the sake of your sanity and dignity don't bring another child to this world. Go and get yourself nipped(vasectomy) right away if you want to keep having sex raw.

Africans and this crazy mentality of breeding like rabbits. Make una carry una cross abeg. Tueeh!

Microwhy:
Mumu question..

How's that a mumu question now? Why would he be having sex recklessly when he can barely feed himself and wife. He doesn't have money to buy condom but can stupidly have sex raw and now he's expecting another child. That is total foolishness, don't you think. How much does it cost to partake in family planning, eh?

A broke man has no right to have an erection ever!

I don't know why black people like you never think of tomorrow, rather you'd be begging, praying and hoping on God to come down from heaven to feed you.

People who have just two kids, do you think they don't like sex as well or they don't want more kids? In this current situation, someone earning less than N1m a month shouldn't have more than 2 kids if he wants to live a good life.

In my office, the least earner has got only two kids and the highest earner has just four and he earns more than N2m a month. Do you think he doesn't have sex every day? Seek knowledge first before any other thing. Know this and know peace.

Lord knows if I was super rich, woman matter no fit finish for my side. I am only loyal when I'm in a relationship but as a single guy. Chai! with good small cash, some girls dey line up. Now imagine me with very plenty many money.
This is just the beginning

Youngpo413:
alpha male

Thanks but I don't think myself as such. I see myself as a man attached with value I.e me before anyone else. I can love and be loyal but once my radar starts picking up BS signal, I take the next flight.

Learnt it the hard way.

tobylawal:
Well about leaving my present job. Just got my offer letter for a new job to resume June 21st.

Congratulations to myself

Yeah, congrtulations, brother man. Hope the grass is greener on the other side

Getting close to that age where I'd have to ask a woman to be a burden in my life. Gotta start saving big for my unborn kids too. Once I have two kids, I'm most definitely getting nipped

frog12:
yes. he was always in the right place at the right time. him and messi can work together !

for No. 10, he has no technique !
he can not dribble or score by himself. messi is good at it !

aguero always need assist. if he no get assist, he can not score. that my friend is not a good player. he was lucky !!!!

Aguero is not a lone striker, you say? I'm sure you are mistaken. The only thing Aguero doesn't have as a striker is height in the box.
Please, just watch his first goal against Everton on his final premiership game for a start.
If not for constant injuries, Kun is one of the most lethal striker in the EPL

MrMacinterchi1:
weird attitude like? tell us

She thinks of herself too much. She's very pretty, yes, but she's not the type I really would fancy to date. Maybe she was putting up defense of some sort but I wasn't feeling her. In short, we weren't just feeling each other. She's just a trophy girl.

Was resuming for the semester, I boarded a bus from Lagos, at Maza-maza, Jibowu. I like big buses due to their comfort, my number was the window seat but this pretty girl whose number is after mine begged me to let her stay on my seat. I allowed her because I don't really like window seats; for the fact that I wouldn't be able to stretch my long legs.

I got to find out she's a medical student because she was reading a book on Anthropology and she admitted when I asked her. Me being a funny guy naturally, I made her laugh all through the journey ( she started the conversation). Even those guys who board bus to sell their products were like "Look at this cute couple. Big man, I know sey na she dey toast you so". I was kinda embarrassed because most folks in the bus even acknowledged us.

The journey was fun though. We were together through out the journey, even when the driver stopped for break, we stepped out together to get food, all eyes were on us.
I told myself if she doesn't ask for my number, I won't ask for hers either (my pride level too much).

I saw the disappointment or would I say surprise on her face when I got to my stop and I just told her maybe fate will let us see again and then I alighted.

Another one was when I was heading back to Lagos after a tough semester. The girl seated next to me was a damsel. Funny enough, my girlfriend then kept calling me to know where I was, my sisters also kept calling, then like three of my close female friends called me a few times to know how my journey was going.
This damsel kept wondering if I was a player and I was playing all these girls because I was intentionally lying about my location. Even when my sisters called, I respond with " Hey baby" or "Hey love".
It was some sort of mind game on her and it worked, because she just had to ask if I was dating these girls. I just laughed and acted like all cool and sort. She collected my FB id but our friendship didn't last. She's got this weird attitude and she got pregnant for her bf.

Ogbeni, you are not ready. How would you feel if your wife is still in contact with her ex? Exactly! That's what I thought.

Just discipline yourself and vow to cut any form of communication with her. Take your wife out, show her more love, compliment her. Just do what ever it takes to forget your ex.

You are not the only one who's still in love with their ex but high level of discipline will overcome any form of temptation. She's of the past, let her remain there. That's why they are called ex

Had one who wasn't really a roommate but he often came to spend time in my room, seeing that I bring my foodstuff in large quantity. I don't joke with food. That's why my small money can last up to a month plus because there's always food available.
Dude thought he'd seen food maga. After eating at my place three consecutive times, na so I begin lock my kitchen. He'd talk, gist, talk and keep talking, when he's tired he'd leave. One day, he asked me to bring food so we can cook, I asked him what he has, he said he has nothing, me sef lock up, left him in my room went to a food joint to eat, came back and slept. He decoded and stopped coming.

I'd have helped if his pleas were genuine but he'd rather invite a girl over, buy things for her and then starve later.
In fact eh, I'd rather not expose it all. But that is the worst type of friend anyone can have.

Even my closest padi wey we grow up together, we can't stay together because na quarrel and fight go end our childhood friendship. Make everybody dey their dey. Better to stay alone in a selfcon than share with a roomie a two bedroom apartment. E get why

SodO9:
Oh
In that case try oshodi(game arena) or alaba if you are in Lagos

So it can be done, right? Or are you saying I should go there and ask?

SodO9:
I thought PS3 controllers are wireless, why do you need usb ports if not for charging the controllers

Yeah, but let's say both controllers are low, what do we do? Secondly, my second controller is faulty so I bought USB controller pad for PC. It works alright, but it disables the default settings whenever we want to play soccer, It takes over the first port thereby resetting the wireless controller which by default should be the first. Do you understand what I'm trying to explain here?

It is just tiring, you know, the setting and all that. I just want to know if it the USB port can be fixed to save myself all these stress.

Hello gamers. I am an active reader but not a member of Nairaland. I'm using a friend's account to post this.
I bought a ps3 console from a guy in this gaming section last year. Too bad I didn't check it properly before I transferred the money to him. He sold me a console with only one functioning USB port, the other port is badly damaged physically. So basically a second player is almost useless.

I didn't find any big deal at first because I kind of stay alone and I don't really fancy soccer only action adventure,fps and the likes, but from time to time, my friends, relatives do visit and playing soccer is a big deal.

I am not here to cast him but to ask if it can be fixed.

geesilver:
Please tell me the simple meaning of it .... Maybe I. Mistaking here.

"I cannot make it" in this context simply means he won't be coming for the so-called interview in plain English and understanding. But you had to read deep meaning into it, saying he's trying to jinx or lay on himself a curse. Really, dude?!

Emancipate yourself from such backward thinking , it would go a long way on you. Don't thank me

geesilver:
OP why did you say you cannot make instead of I would not be able to come around...... abi you no know say you dey swear for yourself ni...... you cannot make it ke.

Why do Nigerians like you read meaning into every thing. Na wa o

This guy is Funny.

Experienced same with GNLD while searching for an IT placement; The dude who was 'preaching' to us in our small group was just bathing me with spittle. Immediately I heard we were to pay for some BS package. I stood up and left, they were trying to call me back, but I didn't even bother to respond. One of them made a silly remark and I cursed her children for saying such.

Starched shirt and chinos trousers wasted
Transport money and time wasted
I felt used, mehn

Kai! The offer was just too good to be true. IT student 40k