₦airaland Forum

obeycian:
Yes I am from the yoruba tribe.

Since you are Yoruba call her Iyawo

My husbands immediate younger sis who is older than me calls me iyawo and uses the O Yoruba pronoun

The one who is my age mate( a male) calls me mummy xyz and uses the E Yoruba pronoun for me

The youngest of them uses E and calls me mumy xyz.

The elder ones to my hubby call me by my name or my children's name.


I call all of them sister/ brother xyz, the eldest one Aunty and I use the E Yoruba pronoun for them.

Everybody is happy

sreamsense:
The problem with contemporary young generation is that many of you were born into your families when morality vacated your family homes. Being strict is different from being wicked, he is discipling you as his own children so your future can be better, you are here ranting he is wicked.

Many of you just like places you will not be tamed so that you can do whatever you want like forming cult groups on campus, turning campus to Olosho house. If he is not strict and people still allow to do whatever they like, these spoilt rats will still come back here to complain and cast aspersions if any bad thing goes wrong with the school. Go to Catholic schools and see descipline, you these spoilt rats.

Your fathers get money, but lack morality, so when your fathers finally dumb you into CU as correctional center, you begin to misunderstand 'strictness' to ' wickedness' because your fathers failed to even show you '101' of moralities before you left for school because your families lack moralities in the first place. If you like to become wayward and hates descipline, no need of going there, go to federal and state universities and do what you like. Judas Iscariots!

Somebody is sweating to make you great, you call it wickedness! Spoilt rats! Go to volatile areas in North and ask for the meaning of wickedness!

As harsh as your post sounds , you are right .

I don't see what the whole hullabo is about.

They have their rules, there are people who have graduated successfully from CU without issues .

Discipline and morality is scarce amongst this generation.

Its a private Christian school, obey their rules.

Besides CU has produced outstanding graduates so there must be something they are doing right.

Very eloquent man, I think he lost his first wife some years back, was still teaching in Lasu then I think.

I love his spoken English.

It is well with him.

area74:
My sincere advice will go to those who are not yet married. Women are naturally gifted to be manipulative. First, they will like to keep the family of the man out of the picture but I can tell you that eventually, family of the wife will have free access to their home and enjoy the benefits from whatever the man has. It is their way. I have been there and I know how they act. Ask the question, if it was the wife's mother that scolded her, would she had acted in such a manipulative way to send her mother away from the house?

The man lacked wisdom and obviously inexperienced to handle the situation like that. I am an advocate of third party staying away from marriages but women are never in accord to this because they usually involve their mothers in their marital life.

To the man and other aspiring husbands, even if your mother does something that is obviously wrong, never you scold your mother in anger because of your wife especially in her presence. Remember how long your mother has been with you from your pregnancy to probably 30 years of age and still showing that care and love. Thread cautiously! The two women are precious to you and a mother's blessing goes a long way in the life of a child.

I had to laugh out loud at the bolded, if you had to ask that question then you don't understand the dynamics of in-law and parental relationships.

What a daughter will get away with a daughter in law would never get away with it.

What a mother would say to his son and he would not take offence , if she says same to the sons wife kasala fit burst, the wife may not talk but she will keep it at heart and use it to react in the future, in fact her own mother will say the same exact words and she might not think twice about it, the husband might even be the one to vex on behalf of his wife.

What a mother would say to her own daughter she cannot ( in a lot of cases) dare say it to her son in law.

When people understand these things its easier.

Ability to manage your mother, your wife and your family in general without issues is a hallmark of a man mature to get married. If you can manage them all successfully , you have less marital issues( at least the ones caused by external interference).

I saw screenshots of the post on a collegues status yesterday.

OP you didn't post the full story- what of the part where they all went to visit the mum after the two years and he prostrated and the mum took all of them in and they all became one big family again,


Anyway the point still is 3rd parties are not encouraged in marriages (mother, father, sister, uncle, aunty, friend whatever )

Stevenbright:
Take legal action to get the custody of ur child or you minimize the upkeep u are giving her such that it will be just enough for ur child's school needs and other things for him with little for her personal needs such that she won't get the chance of turning u to her ATM for no reason. You can even get your son clothes, toys and some other things regularly to ensure he is settled.

And you think the little boy will be handed over to the father by the court?

The father has not said anything is wrong with her capacity as a mother ( to the boy) the issues they have are their own issues as a couple he has not stated she is found wanting as a mother.

These are different things entirely

Hot for 24 -36 hours? That seems like a hard thing

Even warm sef I doubt you will get. I don't think all these trusted brand lasts for 36hours I.e haers ,dragon, Ketuang etc.

mindgamers:
knack ke.. any free time na to catch up with my lost sleep tiredness won't let my tin reason am

;

I love the bolded part

area74:
Dear OP,

I have carefully followed your thread and read all the comments by the contributors.

By now, you should appreciate some advices given to you about 2 months ago on the need for you to forget about the woman and move on with your life. Some women here tagged them to be haters, failed relationships etc.

Trust me, Nigerian women are naturally dangerous and complicated to understand. You should thank your God for making the path to separation so easy for you. I am married too and I know the kind of heart break I have suffered in the marriage. You are working your ass off and hardly have a life of your own just because you want your family to be happy and the same woman will describe you like a monster so that people can pity her and encourage her with whatever she is doing. That's why I don't contribute to any matter that any woman brings to NAIRALAND because I know that most of them are lies until you hear from the husband too. I have experienced it before and I know painful it was listening to your own woman describing you to be a terrible person just because she wanted validation. Another important thing to note is that, no matter what you do for your woman and her family, when the chips are down, they will always side with her.

Most times, if a woman is hanging on to you, it's because she is not economically empowered enough to challenge your authority. Average Nigerian women of today want to have an independent mind of their own whether they are married or not. Your woman has gained enough from you and doesn't need you anymore. She has just started a journey of seeing different men. She may even be lucky to meet some who are even more wealthy than you are. There are so many reckless men out there who are ready to spend the cash on women.

I can bet you that she is not in a hurry for any marriage but to enjoy her life, freedom and "easy" money from men.

Just be grateful that she didn't ruin you. Just put your life together and move on. IN ORDER TO HEAL UP, DON'T CALL HER AT LEAST FOR THE NEXT 2 MONTHS. IF YOU CALL HER BECAUSE YOU WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SON, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO FEEL HURT. Focus on your happiness. Imagine yourself to be dead now (God forbid) and think whether your son will not continue with his life. Ensure you send his feeding allowances and school fees. You are also free to have another children wherever you are.

Now you see the reason why you have to become the so called ALPHA Male? Most of the women here will be manipulating you emotionally to try harder because they are not different from your woman including my wife too. I wish she can also walk away peacefully like this.

TO EVERY MAN, NEVER EVER SHOW YOUR WEAKNESS TO ANY WOMAN. MOST TIMES, THEY FEAR AND RESPECT MEN WHO TORMENT THEM

Women are always unkind to men who genuinely love and cherish them because they will continue to ask for more and make you feel bad till you die. They want to be in charge of your life.

.

I understand you might be hurt but the bolded is quite wrong, the fact that something was what you experienced doesn't make it what happens in General.

There are men whose wives love and respect them despite knowing their weakness and I can say no woman wants a man who torments them

shadeyinka:
1. Can a man stay without sex in a relationship and wait till she is ready. (As in this case, she wants to wait till she is married)
Yes! I waited 'for two and a half years until we got married
2. Why is sex so important to men in a relationship? Do they see it as reciprocating of love especially when they spend heavily on the lady?
Men are created that way: sex is one of the biggest way a man uses to convince himself that he is loved just like ladies like a man to express love by verbal expressions and kind gestures. But Love isn't sex and sex isn't a proof of love.
In an unmarried relationship, on the day sex enters the relationship, the value of the lady diminishes. If she is not careful, she becomes just a mere means of sexual fulfilment for the man. In marriage, it is a bond for better for worse sex or no sex.
3. Also, most men wants a decent lady. Here is a lady who wants to keep herself for her husband but the boyfriend sees it as she manipulating him.
Sex doesn't keep any relationship from breaking.

Ladies should know that a man can have sex with someone he is not emotionally attracted/attached to. Sexual purity promotes trust in marriage.

Any man who threatens to live a relationship because of sex does not love you one bit. The fact that you give in doesnt prevent him from leaving whenever he has had his fill

Good submission sir.

Nuttella:
Fornication is a deadly sin, flee from it. The consequences are brutal. Any man that wants to sleep with you while dating you does not actually love you and when he gets tired of you, he will move on to the next lady. Stop sharing your body, your body is the temple of the holy spirit which dwells in you. Stop creating soul ties with strange men, you will regret it later by the time sexual demons start tormenting your life, that is why many men and women have spirit husband and wife.

This table you are shaking ehn

Sex before marriage is one thing that is frowned at in Christianity, Islam and even traditionally/culturally. That's the only thing the 3 seem to agree on. E get why ooo.


I am a Christian and I will always say it having sex before marriage is not worth it both male and female. Even if you have been having sex before you can still change, decide to stop and hold on till you get married.

Show me a man/woman that can delay gratification for an appointed time,that is someone with a high level of self control and endurance.


Beside Sex has never and can never keep a man lailai so for my sisters what exactly is the point, I am talking as a married woman.

And then the spiritual side, sexual immorality has opened people to a whole lot of problems, but they will say na lie, If only God can open their eyes. Our bodies are the temple of the living God- some people no dey open bible reach that side


Lemme read down more I know you will be quoted a lot

I have seen someone construct all those recent taporline ponds in a shop in his compound, lined about three between his house and fence, its a spacious place. So I don't see the problem with using 2 rooms up to foundation level for the ponds its a pond you can move away when you guys want to build that place.

I honestly don't see anything wrong with the ponds right there on your mums land that serves as a home to you guys.

Maybe there's something else I am missing sha but if the wahala is too much and your plot of land is close by and safe enough to have the fishery kindly move it there.

Its pressures like this that pushes boys into Yahoo / money rituals, its very unnecesary .

Don't let him put pressure on you please, you guys can decide to ignore his talks. Ignoring is better.

The major problem is all of you were not given a major headstart, just a little edge, you the first born is still in the UNI, You even seem to be the only one in school.

I am not saying people don't make it from the scatchest of the scratch but they mostly need that push, A lot of sucessful business people you see -someone has helped them with a loan, they inherited something or their oga settled them, they had help even though it might seem a little. Everybody needs that help.

Above all, pray The race is not to the swift, Time and chance happens pray for your own time and chance and don't miss the chance when it comes.

Unclesmart12

Going to church is not a sin, nobody will chase anybody from attending any service in any church because he/she sinned, However unconfessed sin has grievous consequence and that is the most important point if he is guilty.

I hope ( I am very doubtful actually) he would not beat her again.

Sat on CS stitches ?? He wanted her dead niyen ke.

People like this man need their wives to stay far away from them until they get delivered of the demon that possessed them to do stuffs like this.

Jceeee:
let me add this : for those 11 years I waited for him , he has also had 2 children here , a girl born in 2006 and a boy 2010 but I didn’t know about those children until when I joined him in 2013. He has only told me about the boy born in 2010 buy he never told me about the girl born in 2006 , so I came to found out about the girl in 2018 via Facebook when the mother of the girl who is an African but not Nigerian messaged me on Facebook with the girl photo , she looks exactly like my husband in everything and she and my first daughter look alike too , I confronted my husband he did not denied he has told me if he had documents in this country , it was because of the girl because after having lots of rejection things were hard that’s why he decided to cheat on me and get the lady pregnant and after the daughter was born , he and the mother went to claiming that he now have a child born in this country so he was allow to get his documents through the child. After getting documents the mother started making his life miserable and he has to leave her and child and never looked back to her. I know him having children outside of our marriage is forgivable which I had also forgive him but I know when he found out about mine , he wouldn’t be the same , he will make it looks so bad forgetting that he has done the same which I forgive and forget about it.

You cheated and had a child
He cheated and had 2 children.

You guys should be able to forgive each other, you have forgiven him he should forgive you too but we all know he won't .

bukatyne:
I like my Nigerian peeps sha.

If only they expend this much energy to ACTUALLY obey what the Bible says about marriage and life matters.

But no, they are religious today, natural tomorrow, cultural next tomorrow, liberal next week, traditional next month depending on what suits their mischievous stance at the moment

Lool @ the bolded- Nigerian Christians that if the tradition is against biblical view they will shift the biblical stance one side and go with tradition.


@ topic I still can't understand how this naming becomes an issue.I can't wrap my head around it.

I believe name given to a baby is more of spiritual sha. It is a very big deal for us the names are chosen prayerfully and should have a good meaning so first and 2nd names are never the names that was given to them by third parties.


Every other name (given by grandparents ) is listed on the naming day, we don't have a problem with that as long as it has a good meaning, and those names don't even enter the birth certificate. The grandparents sometimes decide to call the children by the name they gave them, no ish with that.

Both of them should agree naa, haba

sunnymighty:
Thanls, btw i am Yoruba by tribe, will think about this. Bless you.

I knew its my people immediately I saw final burial even before getting to this your post.

Whatever you do don't go borrowing and don't spend what will (or might attempt to) make you broke after the burial.

That's my principle for dealing with 'my people' in issues like this. Or you can go gangster on them let them do the spending and you show up as a guest na talk dem go talk, you bone your face.

bigfish3k:
Its so annoying when things can be made easier but we choose to make things difficult for the citizens. Black man with wickedness and senselessness na 5&6

I kept on wondering why the construction company would block both fast lanes at a major bustop like that considering the fact that trucks are always on that route

I went to mile 2 on Thursday, evenon the badagry expressway from trade fair down to mile 2 is full with trucks going to apapa. The bus got stuck at first gate . Even orile and Iganmu side inward mile 2 whole service lane blocked. Then the Construction company blocked the fast lanes in both sides at mile 2 to renovate the portion this one now added to the injury.

It has never been this bad.

I couldn't even pass costain or orile back from Iddo side, passed ajegunle via marine bridge came out through suru alaba, entered korope to mile 2 , it didn't even get to the mile 2 barracks at all before it turned resume trekking again to join bus turning from the bridge after mazamaza.

The trekking no be here.

You can even wear Ankara to be solemnized, it doesn't invalidate the authenticity of their marriage.

You are dating your ex's friend?
She too agreed to date you?

Off course she will be called husband snatcher , what were you expecting.

All the story about her mum was unnecessary .


You better leave lady B before they hurt her real bad.

Mushin peeps are harsh oo

OlawaleBammie:
People who are saying u re selfish are just saying it just cus they don't have what you have and are only trying to either intimidate or manipulate you just to give dem wat dey want.

But mind u, if they were in Ur position they would be more frugal than u

Lool this happens in my place of work, I have seen some colleagues complain about some Ogas saying he/ she is stingy, I try to reason what their problem is exactly- as long as he doesn't take what I am entitled to his money is his money, he doesn't owe us anything , if they decide to buy lunch or dash us something its a privilege it's not a right.
I was saying it and then they said me sef am stingy that's why I don't see anything wrong in it

Now because I am sort of senior in cadre to some of us on the team if someone asks me something and I don't have I will clearly say arhh I don't have Oo you will hear stuffs like madam you senior us now, they now try to make you feel guilty and manipulate you emotionally . I will start questioning my self what I did wrong .

I know their style now and those manipulations don't work on me anymore.

I should give what I can't afford to prove what?

serubawon:
Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Oshey!!!

Nice pix

Eagba:
thing is, he understands me. he knows my work schedule won't give much time to travel and start dragging matters with him. so my fear is, if I give him the six months notice and he still doesn't leave , I might not have the time and strength to start dragging things with him, then I'll appear as an empty barrel with most noise and from time past, I normally forgive him some rents most especially when he's wife gave birth etc . anyway I know I'll pass this hurdle. I'm more interested in subsequent tenants, if I can have them sign a no contest agreement if forcefully thrown out after six months notice

In all honesty I don't have an idea if the bolded is possible.

mfm04622 abeg help answer the question.

Eagba:
my tenant o... he has paid me since this year. ok I asked him to forgo the previous see ix months because of coro. now the second half the year, he's giving me story.
I plan to give him extra six months to pack out, but I'm secretly scared that he might fail to pack out. Then I will be stranded on what to do, besides I live far in a different state. and I know court process can be slow and I don't want to take law into my hand.
well about the non contest agreement, I'm thinking about it for subsiquent tenants my tenant o... he has paid me since this year. ok I asked him to forgo the previous see ix months because of coro. now the second half the year, he's giving me story.
I plan to give him extra six months to pack out, but I'm secretly scared that he might fail to pack out. Then I will be stranded on what to do, besides I live far in a different state. and I know court process can be slow and I don't want to take law into my hand.
well about the non contest agreement, I'm thinking about it for subsiquent tenants my tenant o... he hasn't paid me since this year. ok I asked him to forgo the previous six months because of coro. now the second half the year, he's giving me story.
I plan to give him extra six months to pack out, but I'm secretly scared that he might fail to pack out. Then I will be stranded on what to do, besides I live far in a different state. and I know court process can be slow and I don't want to take law into my hand.
well about the non contest agreement, I'm thinking about it for new tenants

This one weak me ooo, you let go of 6months rent and he still doesn't want to leave.

Eagba:
Bros abeg can I draw up an agreement that stipulate that a tenant will park out of my property after six months of being served a quit notice and he has no right to take me to court for forceful eviction either by him or a third party on his behalf.

I don't have an idea of the no right to take to court part.

But which tenant would still want to sue a landlord after 6 months notice.

glowingflame7:
You're the typical Nigerian case of pot calling kettle black. Your myopic and stereotyped views have only come in laced with insult and rudeness that you accuse and condemn Mary for. Customer is king is just a slogan in Nigeria not a practice. The world has gone past crude methods of testing. Nobody will test an IT personnel on Customer care in Amazon, Faceebook, Google or Yahoo. Those are the Mighty IT gurus. By God's grace, I am not currently in Nigeria, so at least I have small exposure and experience to what I'm saying. There are "mad" talents out there doing wonders. What they need is training not silly tests of respect. Who greet me, who prostrate.

Mind you, I don't subscribe to the lady's rude behavior. The point is that the recruiter has a blame too and should not dismiss an IT potential on such grounds. He could use a business account or company logo as DP. Or automated response options. (Thank you for contacting LI etc). He could introduce himself as Mr Emmanuel from LI etc. These are the proper ways official stuff is done on social media. Not to mention Nigeria where everyone is a suspect and scammer or ritualist until proven otherwise. The peculiarities of Nigeria for the girl child or female should come into play for a trained Human resource.

Nigerians love to play to the gallery though. I've not met a more entitled and rude set of persons in office like Nigerians but it is in Nigeria everyone says Customer is king. Nigerians will stoop low to the extent of giving their bodies for job or promotion. They are very polite and submissive for that one. But see them on the job everywhere behaving like miscreants in power. So my dear man, what is needed is on the job practical training and culture. Not impromptu good morning sir interviews which we keep doing since 1960. Ask your politicians, you their customers are kings when they need the job. They eat corn with widows and kneel down to illiterates. And you all give them pass marks as usual. You've been kinged.

Very solid points

I like reading balanced posts like this.

People seem to forget about Christ's redemption, that's basically what Tope Alabi story is, somebody can be lifted from nothing to something.

A prostitute was in the lineage of Jesus and ironically A virgin was needed for his birth

Lots of peeps have lived bad lives and have repented and are doing well, some did but the ghosts of the past lives still haunt them .
Some of these things are mysteries that we can never understand.

He will have mercy on who he will.

seniormallam:
How come so many people didn't know that Tope married Soji as a baby mama, no scandal here she didnt hide the fact that she met her Soji who accepted her and her baby and Soji has done the legal adoption already,
I have a friend presently that has abandoned his daughter with the mother from birth, I told him I will be the first person to slap him if he said anything about the daughter tomorrow.

Loool

BadBradley:
okay they why I said she shouldn't talk too much and unnecessarily long. Coming on air about this private matter wasn't too expedient. She hasn't even heard why the man had been absent all through.

I had handled a case where a mechanic was called to attend his daughter's traditional marriage. He was shocked because he didn't even know his girlfriend was pregnant and had a suitor. This girl should be wise

I think the reason why she had to clear the air was because the man was the one that went on air (social media) first with the story( it was a very wrong and unnecessary move) he knew what he should have done not coming to IG.