₦airaland Forum

Boldz:
Thanks you everyone for the great advice . she has insisted that my daughter must leave or she will leave with all 4 children , have told her my daughter will not go anywhere she will leave alone but she refused and keep fighting me I am tired of her madness I have made up my mind and told her to leave with all 4 children and we will meet in court. She made her choice and I am not going to stop her

I believe there's a better way to solve this

Would you really be okay if she goes with the kids, what if you expect she comes begging later on and she calls your bluff? Do you think the court will grant you custody of the children? Even if the court does, can you take care of 5 children yourself. Wouldn't it be better if you worked towards all of you living together happily .

Think about the ripple effect of your actions, if your wife was on this thread I would tell her same but since she's not here it you we will address .

Take note of the bolded below.

Wish you the best.

Sapore:
you are facing now- not that there were no . Its unfortunate you did not anticipate sibling problem coming. It was naive of you. Now the deed is already done. Bitter words have already been spoken that can never be forgotten even if forgiven. Its painful.

What you must not do, is to not send ANY of your children from your late wife away. Never never never ever try it. Those childrens' spirit will die and they will become what you will regret you ever gave birth to. Similarly, as i said, the deed is already done, YOU CANNOT SEND YOUR STEP DAUGHTER AWAY ALSO. There is nothing you can do on that. You all have to stay in the house and slug it out

But here is my counsel: Since I can not tell how godly your wife is, she is angry now, and angry women can say and do terrible things.

bring your step daughter back. apologise for ever calling her a bastard child - that was terrible of you. i know you were angry, i have said terrible things too when i and my wife quarrelled because of the children, but the thing is , I knew what i said was bad. So you MUST apologise for those terrible words. comfort all parties, wife, step daughter and your daughter. Resolve between you and your wife to stop saying "my children" "your daughter". That must stop

The final and the most crucial aspect of solving the problem in your home - you need to bring in somebody else to stay in your house to act as a check to your step daughter, since your wife can not be trusted to do a good job of that. Somebody she has to fear and respect. Maybe your mother, or sister or aunty, someone you trust that will not come and add petrol to the fire - a female family member. Someone that, as long as your step daughter knows that person is around, she will restrain herself. Its a temporary measure but crucial one for now - very crucial, seeing you are not always at home. It needs to be somebody even your wife will restrain herself. This step will cause strain with your relationship with your wife. But you have to let her know she has not handled things properly, so this is the only way you can be sure of what is going on under your roof. She willbe bitter about it sha but na condition make crayfish bend. Just reassure her that it is a temporary measure. Only you know how long it will be...keep that to your chest.

This will buy you time to draw all parties closer to you. Win your step daughters love and respect while not depriving your own children. Hopefully, if they are normal human beings and not diabolical, things will get better. if however diabolism is involved, you need God to step in or else, even your life is at stake.

That fine police station? Nawa

She should Ignore the other woman joor and stock up her shop more, also she should stop telling people the woman is selling what she sells( its true she is but she should stop talking about it)


That's how street selling can be sometimes, if its in the market where they are all on the same line its a different ballgame entirely.

UjuJoan2:
I hear a lot of her daughter, my daughter in this your post. Are you people truly a family? I say that because children fight, the big ones bully the small ones, it's the order of life.

What you do is correct and teach them to love each other. Not cause more division by this whole her daughter my daughter talk

You seem to keep defending your daughter without even bothering to know if truly she's at fault? Don't you know children can be cunning? She may act all polite in front of you but you'll be shocked at the things that come out from her mouth when you are not there.

Who knows, maybe the whole "my daughter" thing had rubbed off her and she doesn't give her elder sister the respect she deserves.

So now after having children for you you expect your wife to leave with 'her daughter'? It doesn't work that way.

The first bolded is the genesis of the whole situation, I strongly doubt (despite the OPs narrative that they both love the step children) if both parents see the all the 6 children as 'their' children.

There's too much my daughter , her daughter in the story.

Too many painful words were spoken from

Your step daughter to your daughter
You to your wife
Your wife to you.


Its a messy situation, all I can say is your wife will take revenge on that poor girl, find somewhere safe to keep her. Her safety is most important here.

Biglittlelois:
Some people just name their kids without reserching for deep meanings and its significance

The annoying names I see becoming fluent lately is e.g Hephzibah, ask them where they got it from, they'll its from the bible, ask of her significance in the bible, I get no reply, this is a mother to a wicked kind of Israel, that's all, and they don't even know this, I mean, there are better names in the bible na,

Or is it Vashti, the disgraced queen before Queen Esther, ask them why give their daughter that name, reply is because it sounds nice, imagine

Hephzibah might have a good meaning,
Vashti?? I have never heared anyone with that name , the name may also have a good meaning, sometimes what matters is the meaning of the name not necessarily the lifestyle of the owner of the name in the bible.

And there are some biblical names which the lifestyle of the individual was quite good but has a bad meaning.

There are some common English names that don't have nice meanings, it seems people don't research( at least Google) before they give children all these foreign names.

Since you want to have time for your family, health ministry Job it is.

Zico5:
Your Bill for SEP 2020:

Tariff:C-Non MD
Rate:42.73


This is the bill for just two bedroom flat. Almost times 3 of the previous bills. Which way Nigeria.

Practically same rate for the ekedc bill they brought today.

Before rate was 26naira now its 42 abi 43 gan, so I don't see what they are suspending, the discos have already implemented it. My mum using prepaid has complained about the thing zapping fast this month.

Please how do you guys call Airtel customer care, no prompt for transferring to an agent? I have been calling 111 since.

They subscribed me to one smart sim stuff now they want to start deducting my money.

18k cloth

Is it by force to do photoshoot ?

Try and talk to them to change the school of the baby to one you can afford, to help manage the stuff you can afford. How many people can afford to by 3,500 cloth sef? At least you are providing according to your capability

Person no dey do pass himself ooo

Na wa

Do not buy used phones shikena.

Some disguised policemen traced one of my colleagues to our office, A phone was stolen in Abuja and the individual was killed, they sold the phone to one of our contractors, the contractor calls this our colleague often because of work related matters, they were now asking him how he knows the person who calls him that they have been calling the new sim (our contractors no) on the phone and the person is not picking, his boss was not around, he ran to meet my boss shaking that this is what is happening, our boss invited them to his office and told them that the individual is our contractor and she will pick his call, oga called her other line and she picked.

The policemen even stated that they had seen his profile and he works at a govt agency that's why they came. Long and short they didn't 'carry' the guy but it seemed they arrested other people who received/ called our contractors no frequently.

I didn't believe they could trace those that called / were called with the new sim in the stolen phone, everything looked like film trick, the guy involved was literally pissing in his pants lool, all for what? Receiving calls from a number.

After they left our boss called all of us and stated we should never buy a used phone that his own friend spent a some months in jail because of it.

crackhaus:
Lol, I can sense your sarcasm but there is a point to that comment.

No such thing as permanent storage, the idea is to simply not open it too often especially when electricity is not constant, this will keep altering the temperature inside of it.

Things like bottled water (especially), soft drinks, beverages, snacks, etc, which you often need access to, don't need to be put inside a freezer...unless you're one of those people who just love drinking/eating cold freezing things.
Heck, I've seen people who prepare salad and put it inside a freezer – I still don't understand this particular disorder.

Personally, I don't drink anything cooler than room temperature when at home, unless I absolutely have to. Warm water is what I take after my meals.

I didn't mean to be sarcastic joor, I just asked the question as it came to my mind.

Its not a disorder now, I do the bolded when I need it to get chilled very fast( when you want to eat it immediately) and then remove before it freezes but if it will still take some hours before consumption then it goes into the fridge. I believe that's why you see people put in the freezer.

Loool

crackhaus:
This is true.. it's not supposed to 'completely' defrost even if turned off for a maximum of 24hrs.

Another trick is to avoid putting things like drinking water, beverages, or any stuff that will require you to constantly open the freezer to retrieve them

All that opening will just make it defrost faster than necessary.

Wow so one should get a freezer for permanent storage and another that can be opened at will ( lemme add if light is not constant), I can't even count how many times I have opened the freezer today

bukatyne:
Freezer.

I wash, strain and portion in ziplock packs. It stays fresh and frozen till exhausted.

Once it defrosts, it becomes water sha

Amen to your transformer o!

The bolded is my fear because I tried the freezer method before .

angelfallz:
Ah the normal grinder, that big one that makes so much noise, the one that the woman would be using stick to force the tomatoes inside

For the bolded, that one is no longer about foodstuff management, that is something else.

But what i can say is, if ice in the freezer melts after one day, maybe the freezer needs to be changed(i know it would cost money, but it would serve you better in the long run).
the small chest freezer i have here, it stays for 3 to 4 days before the ice melts completely [b]

I was actually asking about how the grounded tomatoes are dried but I believe its by boiling sha.


"Completely" is the key word , I won't take that risk of waiting for everything to turn to water.

bukatyne:
Washing the tomatoes and packing in ziplock bags would keep it as long as possible (provided there is light/constant gen)

@Bold: e-hugs

I almost cried when my compressor spoilt after stocking my freezer and I had to restock.

The resources wasted (money, time and energy).

Chai!

In fridge or freezer?


Thanks ooo, hoping God will touch their hearts to do the transformer on time.

bukatyne:
That's approx N60k/month for feeding five people.

Yeaahh

angelfallz:
Lool, yes buying in bulk is one of the tricks. Let me tell you one of the secrets my mum uses. You see tomatoes, my mum waits until it is the season for tomatoes and then she goes to the market very early around 7am. She now buys a basket or 2 of tomatoes very cheap, grinds it and then dries the tomatoes, it serves us until the next tomatoes season. Similar with dry fish and stock fish, in fact we have a whole sack of them in our freezer at home. the same for most of the other foodstuff. Mind you, we have two deep freezers.
So while buying food stuff in bulk is one of them, timing is another and other cost cutting measures which i don't know about So my initial reply still stands.

Abeg how does she dry the grinded tomatoes? Abi you meant boiling till all the water dries


At your 2nd bolded I was actually waiting to learn another trick.

The truth is its like all the tricks our mothers taught us are not working with the overinflated price of stuffs.


Okay lemme gist you small, yesternight our transformer hiccupped and they sent a watsap message on the CDA that one fuse did something and that testing unit of EKEDC will have to come and ascertain if its safe to reconnect, as hubby shared the chat with me, my heart did gbim gbim (my freezer ooo was what was on my mind).
We hardly put on gen because of the stable light, today someone has come to service the gen. ( costs money) by tomorrow morning the ice will have melted away, and we have to preserve the foodstuff , its petrol ( which was not budgeted for) we will use to run gen in the evenings.

Which account will that one go to now?

bukatyne:
Rent of N400k per annum is a steal than feeding in this Buhari's Nigeria.

Rent of N700k is more like it.

And baby girl, still go for the rent

angelfallz:
An intelligent woman would know how to tackle feeding.

Loool how, after buying in bulk to gain some small change what else? Reduce quantity/quality, I am not even talking about anything extraordinary , just basic healthy meals oo.

Almost everything is double the price now.


You are a guy joor you won't understand until you go out there to buy these stuffs, you won't even know feeding gulps much until you add everything up to the last kobo.

If someone comes to ask me which should he/ she choose between paying a rent of 300- 400k and taking care of feeding for a family of four/ five I will advise the person to choose paying rent. At least you will gather money to pay rent once, chop money - you no dey pay am finish

These private unibersities that sometimes use part time lecturers and pay them 10k per weekend?

The fact that you can't start your PhD until after 3 years of employment with them is enough reason for you not to consider them.

Some of those private uni owe a lot. Lots of them dont treat staff well. If it was a govt uni I would have advised you move

Stay with the sec school and do your phd a better offer will come.

Replies on this thread shows the mindset of Nigerians, talking about prestige - in an organization that has shown they are not after your growth. Just to bear the title lecturer instead of teacher abi.We are just after title.

Feeding is quite expensive and people often overlook it and call it 'just food' it gulps plenty money especially now that everything is annoyingly pricey.


So I am not surprised seeing 150k above as feeding expenses for the month.It much more than that for families with more children and infants.

The annoying part is if you try to cut costs on some aspects of feeding it must affect the quality or quantity.

Iru katikati wo leleyi

scrolldown88:
Hello guys, sorry for asking this here. I bought a 2 door refrigerator, the one with the freezer compartment on top. My question is, is it compulsory to use a stabilizer or can I connect it directly. I'm trying to cut out cost of getting a stab. The refrigerator is a Hisense product

Please get one, especially if you have history of fluctuating / low voltage in your area. If you want to save cost try and get that Fridge/ freezer/ TV guard.

This is naija, they can also just bring light one day , very high voltage and fiam things begin to blow but those stabilizer and guard will help with the surge and protect those appliances and you might just have to worry about bulbs and ceiling fans alone.

emmanuelewumi:
A room and parlour self contain at Ogolonto, Agric. Ebute areas of Ikorodu is between 150k and 220k, two bedroom apartment is between 250k and 270k.

Plot of land is also about N5 million

I am talking of interior Ikorodu

Ogonloto is exterior , so the prices are okay.

bukatyne:
I am trying to see all sides of the story.

I think the hospital should have let her go after a week or thereabout if she wasn't able to come up with the balance. It is Penny wise pound foolish to hold a nursing mother for six months because she did not pay N90k balance.

No family, no father of the baby, no relatives to look for her. Did she fall from heaven? How did she gather N160k considering she obviously wasn't planning for CS?

Or did she beg one of the hospital workers to let her camp there and they twisted the story?

How was she feeling all these months? Having her bath? Caring for the baby? What clothes was she putting on? Her neighbors knew she went to give birth somewhere and did not bother after not seeing her for six months?

We are talking about a mother and child: one of the treasures we value in our society.

There is more to this story.

I understand where you are coming from but the truth is they never come back to pay the bills, its the way of getting their money, the fundamental problem is our insincerity as citizens. This happened at a private hospital close to our house recently, they were finally discharged during the lockdown since December last year.

I have even seen this happen at general hospitals in Lagos at the maternal child centers I had my babies but it doesn't even take this long.

After 7 days of discharge ( I doubt its up to 7days anymore) of both mum and baby and you do not settle the bills, the mother is on a sit out ' meaning - a new mother will sit on a chair and carry her baby no bed for both of you and you will be watched by them very closely to prevent you from running away. I thought it was harsh and then I heard cases of mothers running and leaving their babies at the hospital.

They will say bed space is not even enough for patients and someone that is discharged wants to take a bed, you will be given a chair to sit.The mother is always extremely uncomfortable carrying baby overnight but then won't new mothers that have delivered and new babies rest on a bed too? Then after sometime I think social welfare department does come and maybe they waive.

Its always a messy situation, I have seen mothers with CS on sitouts very terrible something to behold, during antenatal the head matron always shout, have money ready don't go and buy naming cloth, have cash at hand you may need end up needing an emergency CS, things can go wrong during a normal delivery , we will tell you to drop anything you have the CS will be done , we will ensure you are treated but you will pay all the bills BEFORE you are go home,

The bitter truth is some people do not even have relatives that can help. Nigeria is hard for a lot of people .


Woo the mata tire me joor.

I don't even know who to blame. May God help us all.

KosiGee:
.

Loool,, you are shocked abi

bigjackass:
Fake story .
No father daughter incest that started as child abuse can continue in adulthood

You never see something.

One I knew her father used to rape her at gunpoint, university student ooo.

Anyway she's married now sha, had a baby recently and the papa is still wanted by LASG l.

Her school authorities got to know and they took the case up to alausa, They came to paste notice on their house and all of them japa both stepmum and Dad.

My mum called me yesterday to seriously lament about this saying 2k lasted only 10 days, before lasts her almost a month.

That Amosun couldn't even construct the road desite Agbara being an industrial hub, I am almost certain if that federal road was in Lagos state, Lagos would have constructed that road.

I can't advise a pregnant person to ply that road.

bukatyne:
Interesting convo on this thread.

Somehow, most of the men are 'insensitive' to the fact that the OP is doing everything in that marriage while the husband is coasting.

Well, most men can't fathom the drain that comes with providing + house keeping + child raising when you are not a single mother. They have never worn that shoe nor seen anyone wear it.

Let me paint a scenario:

Imagine a husband working, taking care of the kids alone and doing house keeping because his wife can't/won't (she is not sick). When you can wrap your head around it, let's talk.

Even when you have issues, develop the ability to see the person suffering beside you

To Chinnybaby190:

I don't know the type of marriage ceremony you had nor hava I heard of one that allows you end your marriage because your husband is financially handicapped.

Strange that you are considering leaving your child behind: for who? Your husband who can't take care of himself financially or your aunt you are squatting with? Let's assume that part is 'asodun'.

You acknowledged your husband had a 'hustling' spirit so we have someone to work with.

Unfortunately, your husband does not have the luxury of 'what he wants to do/feel like doing'. Also, one of the signs of adulthood is to show up even when you don't feel like showing up.

You need to rouse him from his comfort zone firmly and with love. What can he do? What skills can he quickly sell? Guide him into that. Ginger and hype him till he gets himself. Also engage him on his plans: when are you leaving your aunt's place etc. That would make him see he needs to wake up.

I understand the stress of staying with your aunt: the dent to your esteem, the embarrassment and having to be extra tolerant aka lay low. Keep enduring it, it is part of the thorns of life.

Once in a while, take a breather: read a book, put your feet up, let your hair down, dance, whatever to break the monotony and make you feel alive again.

I really appreciate your aunt: she has done what a lot of parents and siblings would find hard doing. Her loss of space, walking on eggshells (some things she can't speak against so you don't feel bad, the extra expenses, etc.)

God bless her.

I strongly agree with the bolded, when they walk the walk then they can talk the talk. Its easy to criticize and say all sorts when one is not in that situation. I am also yet to see that man that can wear that shoe.

The OP has a right to be very upset but the solution is not running away.