₦airaland Forum

PT, We are all from difference background and with varying experiences, knowledge, and personal ideologies. The little things such as this are harmless when observed from an edge. But on a larger scale, they contribute to the stress we notice in once upon a time rosy affair.

No two human would you find to be in perfect agreement in everything. To a friend, relative, even parents, you can always pospone the evil day. But a girlie or wifey is going to be with you possibly till death do you part. That is why you must learn to cohabit together. When things like this happen and you waive it aside as of no issue, two things come to mind. One, you are further indulging the other partner. Two, you may trigger chain reactions that would lead to crack in the home.

The women may mean well, trying to please you. But, you may never know what goes on in her mind till you know.

Omoge, that is a fantastic idea you know. Thanks. You are very accurate.

However, the fridge thing would still remain since NEPA problem is there to tackle. They may have to buy a small generator to go with it if the problem could be solve that way. A generator would also attract regular investment in fuel.

As for food budget, let take it in general term, how realistic can that be? To have effective budget is very wise. It make family feel in control of there finance ane offer allowance to meet other expectations like house bills etc. Any input in that aspect?

Every problems has solution. Don't quit school. Don't lose hope. Sometime, it is easier said than done. One problem would kill a man while the same problem weak others. I feel you. It is really a hard choice for a responsible guy to beg. We lives in a strange society. Crooks abound begging for fun, and making a profession out of begging. This had made our fellow men to distrust one another. People with genuine need for help are erroneously rejected. While most dream had been derail. If you are real, the mercy of God won't be far from you.

If you are a brilliant type, I suggest you apply for scholarship at any of the Foundations offering hunanitarian services, UBA, BAT etc. You may however be disappointed as a result of Nigerian factors. I think someone in nairaland may truly bail you out.

You must also note that this may be the begining of a struggle. Like a comrade had pointed out, how do you finance the education after paying tuition? Anyone who love you would ask you that question. Luckily, options abound. You would never walk alone if you flow with God.

Could you provide examples, omoge?

Lamad, what is your view of cost sharing? Do you think ladies of nowaday would go with the stuff? By the way, can we extent cost sharing to other department other than food? How realistic?

Pessimism will lead you no where. That some men sleep around does not mean all men would sleep around after marriage. The fact is a good man can be bad if the weigh of marriage turn out to give him sleepless nights. Men are not brute as you thought, they are driven by logic. A man that sleep around must have a reason. In most cases, the wife is the cause.

So the answer, YES, IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HUSBAND THAT WON'T SLEEP AROUND AFTER MARRIAGE.

Are you aware that yahoo boys are in business because they have foreign partners who facilitate the deals? And that most of the victims of d scam are themselves driven by greed?

Think big start small had been a regular slagan since govt began self-empowerment crusade. While it is true, the fact is that it is all talk and little if any action. Check it out you will find that youths are being frustrated, generally.

What does it take to be one? Is there any specific course you study or is it an all comerr affair? Can a science graduate into the profession?

Pass or fail, what would anyone do? He had seen it all.

I think it may affect you. Your story look familiar to one I heard years ago. It may create a domino effect which may you if you are not careful. The goodnews is that you can stop the curse.

The best in what term? Peace, fun and leisure, freedom, wealth, or dangerous Adventures??

Sincerely, Do we really deserve this?

Strangely, the lady hate to eat leftovers! She would say they 'are not fresh'! In fact, that is the bane of the problem. It is not as if they can't measure food, the lady just like to see left overs!

They don't have fridge. So that make things harder.

People had been trying fruitlessly to define love. Often with little success. I meditated on this and I was taken to a realm of experience where Love appear to me in human form. I noticed that it is dependent on others. Yet, it was smilling and radiating joy unknown in real world. Around this strange creature are multitude of men and women, old, young, able, disables.  I was overgasted and flabberwhemed. What a world. Is this a part of us? Maybe venus.

I moved closer to behold even more marvellous sight, I could see that all of them can stand alone. But alone, they are useless. They all need Love to thrive.

Love is their God. Love gave their existence meaning.

But their enemies are equally spotted and are in large numbers. Bitterness, betrayal, sorrow heartbreak, lust, infatuation, divorce, etc and their relatives were following closely behind, fully armed, but could not come near Love.

Love is weak and very delicate, Love is tender, Love is kind, Love is frail, and look like a new born baby. Innocent, yet  the army of predators that are lurking closely around are unable to do any harm.

I decided to take a look and see why Love look so powerful in spite of such dangerous foes around him.

In utter bewilderment, I noticed after being ushered before it that, LOVE IS IN ADDITION TO IT TENDERNESS, WAS SUPPORTED BY FEW GUARDS and IS A CRIPPLE. No wonder, lovers are fall in and out of Love without taking a second thought.

I invited it to nairaland but hear what it said:

"I can't stand on my own, I can't survive alone. Therefore you  must find out what support me before you invite me to your life. Else, lust, heartbreaks etc would take over and you would be in trouble, "

That exactly is what love told me.

What are those supports, the body guards that make Love omnipotent, and all conqueering? What are the things qualities,whose whose absent hurt love and lovers and bring sorrow and relatives to their life?

Your views are very important. Let disect it together.

Those who took to infidelity after marriage are trying to run away from a problem and the problem can only be solved if identified. Unfortunately many would not admit they have problem. The first step toward solving any problem is to admit it.

Indidelity had causes. Just like malaria. And we all know.

And what happened to my dream of having a Rose garden? Guess.

At the bus stop, I threw away the stem when my friend was out of sight! I wouldn't have to carry such thorny stem on my lap on a 12 hours journey! I regretted it though but I learned numerous great lessons from the experience and it stay with me till date. In short, as beautiful as Rose may be most of us would avoid it thorns. It is not all rosy at all! It is a beautiful world from painful background. But if you had been warned in advance that you would experience painful moment while plucking the Rose, you can be well prepared. My friend, for instance didn't warn me and he didn't remember to tell me how to handle the pains.

Our youths must realize that what they are longing for during courtship like Romeo and Juliets stuff would hand then a big disappointment in marriage unless they grow up. Little wonder we have numerous tales of heartbreak, disappointments, disillusions, immoralites and gender war had trailed our attempt at having a Rosy relationship. Somebody would be hurt anyway.

Yet, those patience couples that had learn the art of tolerance, endurance, and had discovered that REAL LOVE IS REAL AND COULD ONLY BE SUSTAINED BY WISDOM, had been enjoying fruits of marriage!

Immaturity? Well, it is part of the problem. If you are determined to learn, you can overcome immaturity. Just don't be too choosy and you would find a happy mate with whom you can live prosperous marrital bliss.

Thanks for the honour, Mcdoe. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You see, nature thrives on conflict. Without conflicts, there can never be real progress! Yet, what men want is to move toward stability, to try to reach comfort zone. The higher we move, the more challenges we encounter, mostly what we did not anticipate in the begining. To stay on course, to maintain stability, we must 'resist' and 'fight' any obstacle we encoutered. To relax is to begin a steady downward fall to the bottom. To stay immobile and stop 'fighting' is to risk being trampled upon by those willing to risk, and if are not lucky, you may end at the bottom. And the cycle repeat itself until you expire and leave no trace that show you have ever existed. Nobody want to have problems or experience instability. In reality,however, these two make us a greater person if we suceed in overcoming them. The 'sages' know this that is why they warns in advance that you should not expect marriage as a bed of roses if you want to be truly great. If you want to enjoy it. It is their way of helping youths disband the fantasies they nurtured during courtship most of which are illusions.

It is indeed possible to have a marriage which is bed of roses! But with a prize tag that take you to where you hate to be.

Think about it, Rose itself is a mystery. It is beautiful to behold, great smell; it symbolize love and beauty. We all want it. But, Roses, emerge from thorns! A very sharp thorn.I was once given a stem years ago by my pal in the north when I went visiting. I saw a rose garden and told my friend I would love to have at least a plant. He told me how to cultivat it but i wasn't listening. I was day dreaming of having real Rose garden. Where I want it to be etc. In the end, he gave me a bag on the eve of my departure. I was stunned to find that it is filled with stem with dangerous thorn. The pain I experienced from each thorn lasted hours! I had never been in such pain before. My brother, it pay to feel it!

Most people often wonder why love dim it light after marriage. They have tried to know reason and reasons why couples that had had a beautiful courtship, and true love soon become stranger after marriage. Or why men ran away from home they once loved.

Some even wonder if love ends with marriage. Maybe there is a problem yet to be fairly identified. The truth however is that LOVE IS A CRIPPLE THAT MUST BE SUPPORTED BEFORE IT REACH IT DESTINATION. However strong your love is, you must be able to provide support for it to stand.

This thread would aim at focusing on one of the most crucial platforms upon which  relationship can prosper. "Family financing"

Family finances deal with how to manage finances relating to family. Everything which has to do with money.

Let me begin with what happened to my neighbour last weekend as an example.
The wife is always wasting foods. She would cook food meant for four people anytime she is cooking for her hubby even though they don't have a kid or househelp. The remaining leftover often ends in dustbin. The man is a prudent type who dislike wastage of any form. He is gentle and very understantanding. He had often called the wife aside to explain his point but the lady would jokingly call him a 'miser'.
Her argument is that 'it is good to always have a leftover in pot'.

Their once hitherto lovely home is gradually becoming hostile. The man had started losing his cool and had began tactical withdrawal from home!

I want us to carry it from there and weigh it critically. Who knows this may save many family with similar problems and help young lovers to equipe themselves with one of the vital ingredient of happy home.

What are the issues? How do we handle it especially where the two hold diversed opinion? What should be done and what other areas do you think need closer attention.

Sometimes we think love just turn sour after marriage but experience had shown that issues like this can be catalyst for crisis. Let share your view.

Blacklisted.

Should the congress approve it, OPEC should draft a game plan to make them regret it. First of all every transaction on oil should be done in euro. This must begin even before the law become effective. Next, OPEC should withdraw their fund and assets from American banks. Other european nations are ready for the opportunties.

Other game plans must follow. American would just be shooting herself in the foot.

After all said and done, African Nations must come together and find a way of reviving Reparation crusade left by late MKO Abiola of blessed memory. We must make America and other nations that benefited from slave trade pay reparation for impoverishing the continent among others. It is time for others to wake up.

This baba is taking his education seriously. I just hope the examiner would be bold enough to put red mark where it is applicable.

If children of rich men can induced a high scores just by using their father's names why should we expect the most powerful man(?) in Naija to fail a simple exam.

By the way, will he apply whatever he is learning ? Let wish him success anyway.

That is why you are voting. Vote for your choice location.

Shut up? That is good. But we are typing not talking. The unmarried should therefore shut up but keep typing with their fingers. By the way, when had married people become custodian of knowledge relating to marriage? Do you want the bachelors to wait till marriage before learning the basic of marriage?

I beg let them shut up, but let them type on.

On the topic, taking a second wife on insistence of the first wife, is something that would provoke deep thought from a responsible husband. It is tempting yet would require the man to protect the old wife.

One of the reasons that may be brought foward is bareness. Another reason is old age. These two are the most common. A baren woman who love her husband may want to free the man from external pressure, among others by proposing to allow the man take a second wife. Abraham the friend of God had that experience, when Sarah asked him to marry her slave. We should take a cue from Abraham life. He didn't jump at the offer. He was patience. And when Hajar conceived, Sarah didn't lose her right. At a stage, Sarah ordered her husband to send Hajar and son away and, he did! These are all a test of faith.

Personally, if my wife want a second wife, I would look at the reasons brought forward. If it has merrit and could strenghten us, I would oblige her. But, the new wife, would have to realize that, my first wife is her 'husband' whatever happen, the man must forever show the first wife that he respect her. Of course, with common sense.

Reverend, now you are making sense. I like people like you who are subjective.

Don't you think that if the guy had agreed, he would not be seeking advice? In fact, the central point of the discurs is that he want to know if he should agree or not. That was why he got the earlier bashing. Ps read him again. So logically, if we examine his statement, you would notice that the guy love the fun, but is unwilling to promise the girl marriage. Had the girl not be a virgin, he would have 'chop and lick mouth'
so, the guy had not agreed but the lady was insistence they OPEN IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

At 19, boys and girls are technically matured to experience sex and marry. But, the reality in our country is that most of these youths were just wasting away their life channeling the creative power of sex to wrong venture. In case you don't know, there is a strong indication that sexual energy is a creative energy which can be transmuted into other uses. It can make and mar. It has physical, biological, chemical, psychological, and spiritual functions. You may wish to crosscheck these assertion. The bottom line is that, most young boys misapply this important energy. Little wonder why they spend average of 4 years to pass JAMB but could recall thousands of love language in few minutes. I tell you, there is LIKELY CORRELATION. That is why it is wrong for you to encourage him to go ahead without finding out if he is a serious type or not. I love it, when nairalanders tongue-lash, (is it finger-lash?) people with irresponsible comment. An innocent youth seeking the truth would be enlightened and educated.

That you don't have a sister, is understandable. You would have known how it feel. On top of it, I am seeing a smart chap from a very good background. And that is you!

I feel you!

Reverend, now you are making sense. I like people like you who are subjective.

Don't you think that if the guy had agreed, he would not be seeking advice? In fact, the central point of the discurs is that he want to know if he should agree or not. That was why he got the earlier bashing. Ps read him again. So logically, if we examine his statement, you would notice that the guy love the fun, but is unwilling to promise the girl marriage. Had the girl not be a virgin, he would have 'chop and lick mouth'
so, the guy had not agreed but the lady was insistence they OPEN IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

At 19, boys and girls are technically matured to experience sex and marry. But, the reality in our country is that most of these youths were just wasting away their life channeling the creative power of sex to wrong venture. In case you don't know, there is a strong indication that sexual energy is a creative energy which can be transmuted into other uses. It can make and mar. It has physical, biological, chemical, psychological, and spiritual functions. You may wish to crosscheck these assertion. The bottom line is that, most young boys misapply this important energy. Little wonder why they spend average of 4 years to pass JAMB but could recall thousands of love language in few minutes. I tell you, there is LIKELY CORRELATION. That is why it is wrong for you to encourage him to go ahead without finding out if he is a serious type or not. I love it, when nairalanders tongue-lash, (is it finger-lash?) people with irresponsible comment. An innocent youth seeking the truth would be enlightened and educated.

That you don't have a sister, is understandable. You would have known how it feel. On top of it, I am seeing a smart chap from a very good background. And that is you!

I feel you!

Bitter truth.

I don't think so. Burial had been changed over and over again. It evolves and had therefore transformed.

I think a better answer is CHILDBIRTH. It remains the same from Adam regardless of race, creed and culture.

Collateral damage

If she is a christain join catholic and act like a nun. Men would leave u alone.

Nobody had said it is strange. What they are saying is that he must never commit himself to a stupid cause. He said it himself that he can't promise her marriage. So why would you tell him to go ahead and trap himself? Reverend, next time you want to give a sincere advice. Do yourself a favour. I will recomend two tests. It is a professional test to determine whether what you want to do contradict your value system and whether your conscience support you or not.

MAMA TEST: if your lovely mother were to be watching you in that action will she agree with you or not? If yes, the proceed to next test. If NO, then your value system is defective.

BABA TEST: If you were to be a reponsible parent and your beloved child is involved in the same act, would you approve of it? If YES, plus YES in the MAMA TEST, then you are in accordance with your value system. If NO, regardless of the outcome of MAMA TEST, something is wrong with your value system.

When I read all you posted, it occured to me I could help you as well. So you obviously contradict your own value system. You hate a similar thing on your beloved sister, but post a dirty admonition for an innocent boy. It is clear from your reaction you won't tolerate same.

By the way, if you read the boy very well, you will infer from it that he is not new in the game. He had (possibly had a girl and may still be having one) he is also not in love. But, the girl was talking of marriage and not just sex. Read the post again and use your Reverend head to decode the message.

I am sure you are joking all along. Once again, I feel you! Alagba!

So you know all you have been saying was wrong and unaceptable to you and your immediate family Yet, you come to public forum to advise a 19 year old to go astray? Thank to my instinct I think everyone know the liar now. Even the boy would think twice before he follow the rubbish you ask him to do.

No offense, God bless you. My only candid advice is that I HAVE NO ADVICE FOR YOU. Cheer!

I love you reverend. Keep preaching your Gospel of immorality. Make sure you start from your home, lead your sister in that manner. They would aid your cause.