₦airaland Forum

Sexually open virgin.... roighttttt

Yesterday, I heard the most ignorant nonsense in the whole world, from some "experienced" mothers and I think we should all be careful about how we take advice from anyone (myself included). So, the blog will have a new feature: "I AM A... ASK ME ANYTHING!".

I will be asking some experienced child professionals about questions that pop up often. And the great part is, you get to submit the questions. And these people, they are not just Doctors and Nurses (some are Specialists that are hard to find in Nigeria in their fields), they are parents. So they won't just be giving you textbook answers but what works for them.

So stay tuned, I'll be announcing the first specialist and the format of the questions to be submitted

#clothdiapers
#clothdiapers
#clothdiapers

Instead of jumping from brand to brand. 'Nuff said

Rhukie:
Please which is better, a sling carrier or a normal baby carrier and other mamas

Depends on you. Sling carriers are really just wrapper in Oyinbo clothing and can be tricky to maneuver. A good carrier should spread baby's legs and make them sit. I think mostly Chicco and Infantino brands are available in Nigeria.

Chychy4us,

Don't meet any counselor that is

1. A pastor, Imam, priest, "Apostle", "Anointed", "Bishop" etc. Not unless you want to sleep with him, eventually. Or help him buy his new jeep.

2. A married man, especially by himself. Not unless you want to sleep with him, eventually.

Your options are: a professional counselor works with you and your husband. Or a female counselor. There are actually some people on Nairaland for this.

Debbydominic, you and your husband have challenges in your marriage and neither of you have been perfect. It is NOT your fault he decided to cheat, he messed up, all by himself. You were in the house with him in a tough situation and he decided to be selfish, wicked and thoughtless. No-one likes being tired and saying "No". He is NOT a baby. No man outside will call another man a baby, it is women falling over themselves making excuses for behaviors they must live with, that do so. There are people who love Nigeria not out of loyalty but because they have no other options. Same logic with "all men cheat, all men are babies" etc excuses.

Get the full details of all that happened. No, he doesn't get a cookie for telling you, not until you are sure the girl wasn't planning on making trouble and he decided to confess to ward off trouble. Then is he remorseful, what will he be willing to do to fix this? And yes, you are allowed a period of showing him pepper, it will keep you sane.

Gr8fulheart (didn't want to say anything earlier)

What exactly was his diagnosis? What did they say was wrong with him, because "Viral Bacterial infection" isn't a diagnosis (that's like saying you have a virus caused by a bacteria, pretty hard to happen). Why was he on oxygen, why did they blame formula (did they say it was entering his lungs?). Try and answer these questions carefully please. Go and get the answers, don't let them fob you off.

Probably take the next week off, if a baby was on oxygen (especially in Nigeria), nay employer would be understanding you need a week extra.

realsupermum:
Hello mums,happy sunday to you all.My 7 months old baby suddenly stop taking cereals and seriously picked interest in adult food like swallow,rice, fish,beans etc when I mash it,please mum's is it ok?how do I give her these food and still make sure she gets the right nutrient and also make her take her cereal?
Please don't look and pass sabi mamas.

She's eating pretty! It's totally fine and good she has a varied appetite. Well done mama

To all the Mums complaining about diapers, I have one word: Cloth diapers

The most important thing to find out from a domestic staff I'd her medical situation and the answer to this question:

"Why did you leave your last place of employment and how long were you there for? "

That will tell you a lot more about your employees than whom their families are.

thorpido:
Well,with DSTV and other cable TV,one can speak well while living in a 'village'(if Jos town can be classed as that).

That said,she might be lying(I think the average maid hides things).
Just observe her well,keep your important possessions away from her reach.

Once you notice any behaviour that is unacceptable, don't hesitate to let her go.
I don't have a phobia for maids like some people do but before I bring in anyone,I do my due diligence.

All maids lie a bit. Their agents advise them to withhold info to make them more palatable to employers. The most common lie is that they don't know anyone in their new place of assignment: there's always a friend or boyfriend around. Just know that and deal accordingly.

OP, Plateau is far for a background check from Rivers state ( let's be reasonable biko, travel around Nigeria is barely safe). Also, knowing her family means what exactly? My first cousin in the US is an avid churchgoing, mother of 3, sadistic, violent nightmare. Absolutely no-one in my family (save I and her ex husbands) will tell you this so she can get hired by you if you show up at her family house requesting to meet her family. Every single rapist pedophile caught on NL's front-page was always married and had a veneer of respectability. The best judgment of her character is her. So watch her carefully for a month.

Do your checks: full medicals. Get all info: phone number and picture of her (clear ones). Since she likes "strolling" be sure that she will most likely "stroll" out when you're not home and make sure the estate security know this and watch her (I tell mine my help isn't supposed to go anywhere without my child unless I follow them out). Watch carefully. Her speaking well doesn't mean anything.

I actually prefer middle-aged helps, fewer issues. My mum had an 18 year old "innocent" who showed up pregnant, tried to mix our hard liquor to abort it, broke into our locked cupboards to steal and had a beautiful elaborate plan to cart everything away... all in under 3 weeks of resuming work. Young Nigerians of nowadays, their eye haff torn finish.

And the problem has been solved: she doesn't want to work. Great! Polite enough to even leave a note. Stvpid that she opened the doors and gate and left (maybe she was told by the stranger not to leave "emptyhanded" and she figured you may not want her to leave but will wish to return her to her sister). Send her on her way and continue your search. Good employees are hard to find.

Rainy season ghen ghen ghen!! That is the true test of cloth diapering, when you cannot dry outside. What to do, what to do

http://nefescorner..com/2017/07/cloth-diapering-in-rainy-season.html?m=1

Meanwhile, the economy has dabaru but my cloth wipes are still rocking it. Some of them are giving up finally but it was well worth it! A good savings, no?

http://nefescorner..com/2017/07/quick-update-on-cloth-wipes.html?m=1

jejemanito:
Every thing except gay p*rn.

There was a day I asked him if he were to choose between his phone and a gameboy (video game) what will be his pick? He chose the later

That was how I knew he hasn't gone beyond the Rubicon. Sadly I can't afford such now prompting my need for smarter ways to restore his factory setting before he grows into an addict.

That's bad. That sounds like an addiction. Okay, you can't yell at him right now because it won't work. You need to call him and speak to him. Ask when it started, who gave it to him or does he download it, how many times a day does he refer to them, be gentle.

Chijiuche:
Happy new week Mamas,

I am 14 weeks 3 days gone. I have been on Antenatal but my hospital dont do antenatal classes and I am a first time mum. I am currently confuse because I dont know jack about taking care of baby - Even to wear diapers. Even the list of what to take to hospital and list of what to buy - I know no jack...Please assist me on how to deal with this....Do you know any good hospital I can just pay and register for classes in Lagos or even any online classes.

Please help a novice mum.

Hello a list that may help

http://nefescorner..com/2017/06/new-baby-lets-go-shopping.html?m=1

goodfortun:
Hallo mommas! Trust that the day went well? I have a couple of questions. When washing New born clothes which is preferable? Hand wash or machine wash? And wat kind of detergent can one use for either that is baby skin friendly? I mean clothes just bought from the market; not been worn by baby yet?

Also could you please recommend an affordable breast pump I can buy? Is the manual an option at all?

What milk is advIsable to buy esp before bosom starts to flow rather than glucose?

Thanks

http://nefescorner..com/2017/02/detergent-choices.html?m=1

Detergents safe enough for cloth diapers (which cover the most tender part of skin) are safe for clothes. Baby care setting on washing machines are pretty rough. Also, most LG machines in Nigeria, I'm not crazy about their quality.

No to any type of Fabric Softener, for reasons listed below:
http://nefescorner..com/2017/02/atopic-dermatitis-growing-concern.html?m=1

Paed Dermatologists don't like them and even countries that manufactured them don't recommend them anymore for babies. It's a pain to rinse out and can irritate baby skin and the fragrance in some also causes issues to baby.

As for breastpumps... http://nefescorner..com/2017/07/milking-it-for-all-youre-worth.html?m=1

Brands that are good are Medela, Spectra, Evenflo. However, I don't see those brands often in Nigeria so perhaps I will do a poll for the Mums here to help me answer. HtH

jejemanito:
My 14 year old cousin stays with me and I just found out he has an assembly line of X videos dot com clips hidden in his phone.

Going by the way I was raised will mean the melodrama of confrontation which will only lead to him - after deleting the current ones - finding out better ways to hide the next batch he will download.

I know because I've been there

So I need a smarter way mostly bordering on a "psychological" approach

Any suggestions please

Cc: onegai ifyalways

Hello, just seeing this.

What type of pornn? Straight, gay, vicious, Group Intimacy?

Let's start by knowing how deep this has gone, shall we?

Mignone, bonjour,

Rats and mice are a special breed of vermin. One finally understands Tom's excessive dislike of Jerry, especially when your mice visitors decide to show up prancing up and down your curtains... in the living room... in front of your Guest... whom is meeting you for the first time in his life... from another, better-run country. Quelle Horreur!!

Not that it ever happened to me, bien sur.

Now, since you live on the ground floor and plugged all pluggables, you must accept one principle of Housing In Lagos: the ground floor of most apartment complexes are home to rats and cockroaches. So, either you move...
... Or you get one of those sticky glue traps, lay lots of paper in waste bins, add a sprinkling of old bread and surround the bin with glue trap and wait for those little bastards, I mean, les bebe Jerry's, to stick on them at night. Rats use routes along the edges of walls so either get them on their routes or their destination. I must warn you, a shrieking, struggling-to-free itself mouse cries at 76 decibel levels of sound. So be prepared.

Au voir, I'm off to write 2 blog posts and feel very sorry for myself: I ate chocolate fudge cake yesterday even though the world is melting down. And I feel so guilty now...

Www.nefescorner..com

oamronnie:
Lol. Thank you ma. I have a pump and I do express but power supply is terrible in my area so I keep throwing out breast milk.

Crazy idea alert:

Would you be willing to donate that breastmilk? Because there are baby-friendly hospitals who just may need it for newborns in NICU. You could help a child. If you are willing to do a blood screen to rule out all infection, and in Lagos. You won't be paid, it's an act of charity. If the hospital decides to charge the patient then you get small compensation (to cover transportation etc).

Antibodies are antibodies, except for small genetic changes, any baby can take another healthy Mother's breastmilk. And there are Mums who are very willing to give their children breastmilk. But this is not a transaction, it's one mother helping another.

Naomi14:
Good morning mamas, please am scared to use nail cutter. what else can i use to cut lo's finger nails? She's almost 10weeks. She scratches her face and mine too.




enque, mama please say hello on whatsapp. I don't know what happened to my phone contacts. Thanks

Use a nail file. Much better than a nail cutter, nail scissors. Especially for when baby is quite small. It's a family tradition in my home, that my mum gets out her special nail file and is the first to file baby's nails gently whilst they are sleeping (some other things happen as well).

Giddyperson:
Onegai I like your recent blog post, my manual breast pump is a disappointment to me , I'd been contemplating buying an electric breast pump for when my baby resumes daycare, she'd be nearly 5 months then, or whether to just switch to formula.

Starting solids in 4weeks, it's probably sensible to stick to formula. But looking at your pocket, determining whether this is first child and next child will also use the pump, maybe think all angles through.

Dazzle86:
She is not the first mama, I love it. The show cut out racism originally in the book.

Yeah, they did . Sadly that is the most realistic part: white Americans not in the cities on the coast are having more children out of fear of being no longer the dominant race in the US.

The sad part of that show was the club were the commanders went to, after creating those stringent rules that they themselves couldn't abide by and Serena Joy.

jaysmama:
This mama it's you and Giddyperson that made me invest my savings in where I can watch Game of thrones. I can see so many mamas love tv watching. I love horror or thrillers sha. It's my only form of relaxation these days
Supernatural
Grimm
Salem
I also watch crimes and anything legal
SVU
Criminal Minds
Bones
The good wife
The Handmaids wantin wantin too was good

You're the first Nigerian female I know who likes "The Handmaid's Tale". It's a great book that was turned into a TV show (it's even more relevant nowadays). Everyone keeps making me explain the "Game Of Thrones" show because I've read and compiled the books ASOIAF. I also liked "Grimm". Perhaps you should try "Sherlock" and "Broadchurch" or "Veronica Mars".

I wish I had a TV watching buddy

BTW, New post up http://nefescorner..com/2017/07/milking-it-for-all-youre-worth.html?m=1

Hey guys, New post up

http://nefescorner..com/2017/07/milking-it-for-all-youre-worth.html?m=1

XX01, my first nanny ate whatever I bought for my daughter (baby and I would eat rice I cooked the night before and she would boil fresh rice for herself and chop up veggies I bought for puree and say her mum always gave her fresh rice daily ). My daughter once came in munching on a piece of granites he picked up from the floor outside the compound and this lady was carrying her when it happened (she said she didn't notice). Nannies are tricky and you have to spend well to get decent ones (agencies exist). Personally, have CCTV and just leave the rest to God.

Or splurge for Filipino nannies. Because those women are really good at their jobs. I don't know why their Nigerian counterparts can't match up. They always seem angry to be taking care of your kids.

Okay, let's do this. Let's establish some facts:

1. This babe is so ready to get preggers!
2. This babe has been learning from women whose eyes have "torn finish" that hitting guys up for money is okay.
3. That your "Christian/Morality" counseling ain't working.

So, what to do?

Crazy-Mode:

You found letters to the boys and she's a teenager, which means you're smarter than her because she hasn't learnt how to cover her tracks well. So scare the bejesus out of her.

One day, calmly leave the letters in public, on the dining table. Say nothing, act so normal she will question your sanity. Act like all is well. One week later, get the craziest por.n movie (I don't mean lovey-dovey stuff, the good stuff, y'know, choking, fisting, multiple guys, the female is crying, it looks like Rape, really sick stuff). Call her and play it, watch together (get some popcorn so you can chew nonchalantly). When it is done, turn it off, smile at her, give her some condoms and say "that is what boys who give you money will expect to collect from your body, even if it N15k. The economy is bad, and we need money to feed you, oya take this condom and gwan collect the money from the boys". Send her out immediately. As in, push her out of the house. Be dead serious, just make it clear she cannot come back home without that N15k or she will die a brutal death at your hands. Feel free to channel your inner Patience Ozokwor, be as evil as possible. Ignore her tears and pleading, act like a Nollywood madam and insist she must bring money to that house, and you and oga don't care if she earns it on her back. Since she already wants to do so. Don't beat her, beating is for kids. Tell her since she wants to act like an adult, you will make her bear all the consequences of Adulting.

You wanna break her. Strip away that stvpid confidence she feels, that she can pull stunt and get away with it. Break her, so you can finally get through her fog of delusion. Because talking hasn't gotten through. So it is time for Action. Crazy Action. When my cousin asked her dad for money or she threatened to sleep with older men, he smiled chillingly and told her to collect for two. End of that discussion.

When you break her, switch to Good Cop: tell her "My dear, I'm so scared for you. This is how life is and truly you are not ready for this o, and if you do, me I will send you back to your parents, you and that baby will starve o."

I'm not crazy about overgrown kids in the wrong class, so let us bone this "16 years old in JSS1" and focus on her learning a trade that will be useful to her. All those Alhajas selling lace in Balogun didn't go to school,

(Hola babythug )

Eh, this is a molehill.

Your wife is entitled, so are you. I mean, it's not rocket science that you could have organized a cab/taxi for your mum rather than let her jump buses to come babysit YOUR kids. But you're pissed because your wife is doing what you did. Anyhoo, before you go and tear slap for your wife in false righteousness, false hypocrisy and false anger, let's sit down and take that log out of your eyes, shall we?

(Don't tell me you can't organize a taxi for your mum, my brother does it all the time when she decides she's firing her current driver. They pick her up and bring her down. You didn't think of it. It's cool, all kids are thoughtless and selfish most times towards parents. Just don't judge others for doing what you do).

Tell your wife "I will never take you or your mum for granted and neither should you take me and my mum for granted" and next time you need Grandmother's help, take the kids over there. End of story. 5 minute solution. Don't build a mountain.

wholesomegrace:
Please what is the FED in Fed is best?, i saw a page like that on facebook. I tot i was the only one who didn't lactate very well, it came as a surprise to me cos I never heard of it. Having asked all and sundry visitors then what I could do and nothing worked, i peeped into NL too and tried. All mums started lactating well while I didnt know what was wrong. I googled and it said malnutirtion (i eat good food, so ruled out) and hormonal imbalance (maybe I shd av done some hormonal profile but since doc didnt go there, i also didnt bother), I now feed lo his formula with pride. Very traumatic indeed, Ive waited 7 years before I got my first BFP ever, then this? I judge lesser now, you need to walk the shoes to understand really.

And on waiting for breast milk to come after delivery b4 introducing formula, baby could end up with severe jaundice if not feeding well , speaking from experience, glucose water didn't help matter o. I visited a new mum last week and she told me the pediatrician advised her to introduce formula fast fast on day 2 post delivery if BM isn't well established.

BM is good, but where BM isnt enough, my motto is supplement so you don't starve the baby

This is why I want to do that post. Why did they tell you to give Glucose water (in bygone eras it was sugarcane water, ask elderly people)? And formula from Day 2 isn't necessary. Day 2 is Colostrum (yellow orange to transparent and very little in quantity, you may not even see it come out of your breasts unless you really try to hand-express). The info I gathered (when I had my challenges) came from a diverse group and they were all pretty much saying the same things. A baby has enough store of food in them up till Day 5 (so they are burning it up, which is why your newborn loses 10% of his/her weight in the first 5-7day). It takes about 5-7 for breastmilk to come in (if it is coming) and the quantity that comes out is dependent

on you: whether your body is producing enough (demand and supply, baby sucks, milk comes out, baby doesn't suck, milk doesn't come out),

ease of feeding (breastfeeding sucking is harder than a bottle, which has faster delivery system and some kids, like my nephew, give up easily and prefer the bottle. He screamed everytime they tried to bf him),

what's going with your body (my OB did everything possible to bf and it never worked out and she has access to every nutritional supplements and hospital-grade pumps and a lactation consultant as well as her medical peers). Some women can and some women cannot, women who adopt babies can actually breastfeed.

All anyone can do is the little they can do to encourage breastfeeding. If it doesn't work out, you're a great mum not a bad mum, feed that baby formula confidently. But give it 3 days postpartum, not 2 and go with a syringe or a cup and spoon. That's the advice my siblings and family friends give their patients and one of them is a Neonatal Specialist, her primary job is to ensure wellbeing of babies in the NICU and even then they break out the hospital-grade pumps for the Mums (that was what helped my friend bf her extreme preemie).

Will do that post this week, along with pictures.

Lovely bumps and cooking pics to everyone . It's a happy-sad day for us here but we are pulling through. All the best.

http://nefescorner..com/2017/06/a-brave-new-world.html?m=1

goodfortun:
Hi mums! Happy sallah and happy Sunday! Went baby shopping yesterday and was quite overwhelmed. Especially bout clothes and gears. I need help!!!
1. I bought sleepsuits and body suits 0-3months (7) in no. Is that okay for a start? If not how many

2. What other kind of clothes can I buy? Are onesies different from the above? Then top and trousers or shorts, how many to start with.

3. Is there a specific make of towels or kind? Bot a 3-in-1 for 1900. But don't particularly like the fluffiness. Want to buy a better quality but unsure.

4. I bot a pack of 4-in-1receiving blanket. Is that okay? And is it different from burp cloth? I asked but was not given a different one.

5. Apart from bouncer what other gear is necessary for New born e.g. carrier, car seat. Don't want to buy without need initially.

6. Would appreciate prices and if possible shops where I can get these items in Lagos.

7. SOrry for the plenty queries but I'm as lost as can be and just moved to lag.

Thanks plenty!

http://nefescorner..com/2017/06/new-baby-lets-go-shopping.html?m=1

I wrote that list 2 years ago and a lot of people used it and liked it. I'm supposed to update it again with new product recommendations as well as new tips. HTHs.

Flakky26:
My 8yrs old daughter is on holiday.I had promised her she will use the holiday to learn swimming and skating.but i am buoyant now. I need someone to help out or where she can learn for free.

thank you .
we are resident on abuja

You need to spend money to get quality. She needs her gear and good coaches and a safe place with lots of safety alerts round (What to do is child is drowning etc. Drowning doesn't look like what you see in movies, so her learning center needs lifeguards who know what drowning looks like and children are most at risk. Not to scare you, but most kids drown in the presence of a lot of people). So go to a swimming club and ask for proper lessons please and pay for them. If you are looking for free stuff, then don't expect any of that. Crawford Swimming World is there, there is another group also on IG and for those in Lagos, there is Ikoyi club (which trains for competition and more) and National stadium (or is it Teslim Balogun?).

Dazzle86:
Good morning house. I have some questions for experienced mamas.
1. How fast does lactation start after delivery for both cs and normal delivery? Because I read online that it takes a few days, does it mean I need to buy baby milk ahead, for the baby to feed on till my milk comes in
2. Is there a way of knowing if I will lactate fast? I have heard some women leak before delivery, I am 31 weeks plus 3 days and yet to notice any leaks.

Ohhh, was about to do a serious blog post on this (and it's going to be so raw and emotional, I don't even know if I can share it) . Because I'm not a fast lactater (is that even a word), so I tried everything on the planet (including classes and drinks, pumps and herbs, food and more). You won't know about your milk supply before you give birth. But the most important thing is AFTER you birth: your emotional stability. Trust me. At the end of the day I believe "Fed is Best" and I like to encourage Mums to breastfeed as much as they can and supplement with formula if baby needs it. Just get your foods ready, remember you should do your best and sometimes your best is giving your baby what he/she needs.

ifyalways:
Lol @ dislocating joints.

Call me selfish or funky but me no care o. I have a mamaroo and fisher price snugapuppy rocker that I use for every omugwo. I no gree dash anyone o cos I got it years ago and it's quite hard to get the originals now. Once I finish my omugwo. I pack my stuff and go home with it. My daughters and DILs Don beg tire, called me stingy cos I refused to dash them but I no send dem. I never ready to do break dance and nonstop singing. Both are very effective.

My sis gave me her Baby Bjorn carrier. The last child she used it on is 12 years old and that thing is in great condition! It's always best to buy quality and keep.

http://nefescorner..com/2017/06/new-products.html?m=1

yseries:
Yes o, der r some organization that just been a woman makes it difficult to get a job with them not to talk of being a *married woman*.

I had that experience when I was looking for a law firm to serve (nysc) I was told bluntly that d principal partner(CEO) doesn't hire women o that women always hv one issue or d other,or always running after family stuff. Was told d few female lawyers there where those who came with connections I.e d connect must b his BIG Clients of whom he is assured who always give him big legal briefs.

Life of being a woman in Nigeria

My brother's firm does not like hiring females (prestigious law firm too). Even as Office assistant. The reason is, they (and almost every professional company in Nigeria feel this way) feel a married mother is a liability. Based on their experiences and their bias (they are married, they won't want their wives working long hours). And to be honest, I've worked with married Mums and frankly, I'd rather not (if it's a tough job). I'll never forget one, they would give us briefs to review, as we are leaving the boss' office she would drop it on my desk and say "you know I'm a mum and have to cook for so many people, I'm so tired at the end of the day". But woe betide anyone who said she should reduce her salary. My friend is a researcher and I have never seen his partner, she always has a "child emergency". He stopped asking her about the welfare of her kids the day he caught her "child emergency" butt attending a mid-week owambe.

You may not be like this but these stories are so common, anyone writing "Mrs/Pastor" etc on their CV, will immediately get sent to the bottom of the pile. Too many women have abused the privileges. No bank I know will hire you when you write "Mrs" at the top of your CV, same with a lot of firms. Name, last name, no personal info. I work for you, I don't need you to know all my kids' names and birthdays. Same with me and my boss.

Jazzyjazz, that man sending you to interview at a school is him being biased (most people encourage Mothers to become teachers because it is seen as a job which gives them time for their families plus they think Teaching is a nurturing job because y'know, #babies!! #InsertEyeroll) AND also, you probably came off as "super mum" rather than "badass professional". Because I know a "badass professional" who landed a tough interview.... 2 weeks after she gave birth. And they didn't even know apparently till the end of the interview.