₦airaland Forum

denobleman you are talking alot but saying nothing. Why is stopping women from serving in banks the solution. This is why Nigeria is so behind in everything. This is the same argument that people had when they were saying that women should dress more conservatively so they do not get raped. Put policies in place. That is what public servants are paid to do. They are not not paid to sit down and think of these silly non solutions that a 2nd grader can come up with. A man asking a woman for sex to get a job is a crime. Why are they not pursuing it from that angle since we already have those laws in place.

Missy B:
If it rocks anybody's boat to jump from
husband's house to father's house . . . then fine and good.
Meanwhile . . . whatever character ma husband possess wouldn't
be different from what I'm used to already thus I can put up with it.

What makes you think that a woman that leaves her house (not husbands house) as he does not own anything by himself and moves on has to go back to her parents. What makes you think that she will not move into a place of her own and set up a better life for her children. Your posts says alot. I do not even have to know you personally. It is obvious from your comments that you have set limits for yourself because you are a woman. To say that you stay in a bad marriage for your children is so outrageous I cannot even begin to explain. Let me give you a good example of a woman just like you. I really don't feel like typing this long story but here goes.




We used to have a neighbour when we lived in Nigeria. Very quiet woman and she was a christian (went to church of God mission) her husband though was a drunk who went to a white garment church. This man was the worst type of tyrant I had ever see in my life. He will beat ths his little wife and all his children when he felt like it. One night it was just too much. He got his gun out and was threatening. As with every other fight my mom started begging my dad to please go there and intervene before he kills the woman. My dad and my uncle went there and he threatened to shoot my dad. That night my dad had to bring the woman and her first son to our house to spend the night. Even as a child I would wonder why she did not leave. I am sure if you asked her she would say because of her four kids. Even with the marks on her body and the children she would just go on with life. I wish I could say that it ended happily but it did not. We moved away from that part of the estate but one day my mom came home from work (she is a nurse) and said that she left work early because she heard that our former neighbours daughter had tried to kill herself. My mom went to the private hospital where she was to see her. Basically this poor girl had gotten into a fight with her brother who simply teased her about the beatings she gets from their dad and she snapped. Ran into the kitchen threw the referigerator to block the door and poured kerosene on herself and set herself on fire. Her brother ran and called the neighbours and they helped him pull the door open and rushed her to the hospital. She died two weeks later in that hospital even though my mom begged the man to please move her to UBTH where she had a better chance. He simply refused. The story never finish o.


My mom has moved back to Nigeria now (she moved back earlier this year). She caught a bus one day (she had her vehicle shipped and it had not arrived then) and while she was sitting someone tapped her from behind and when she looked back a young man asked her if she was so and so's mother and she said yes who are you and he said I am so so and so. So my mom was how is your mother and he said that she is no longer with their dad. My mom said she almost fainted. Of course they could not talk on the bus so they exchanged numbers and she told him to come visit her with his younger ones whenever they can. I know that this is not an unusual story for nigerian families (the women refusing to leave because of the children or cultural reasons). Maybe if I had not had this experience as my parents were not fighting like tigers, I would have thought that every marriage is peaceful. The child she was trying to protect (her first child and only daughter) killed herself in such a horrible way only because her brother who was also getting the same abuse made a joke about it. Do you think that that her brother will ever forgive himself or that the woman who ended up leaving anyway will ever forgive herself. If I am counting right she is probably in her late 50s now. Her children will carry it forever and I am sure that that man has remarried. Even if they had struggled when they leave the man, she would have had the chance to heal and so will her children and maybe Seni will still be here with us today.

I know we have discussed this topic to death on this website but maybe someone who has not read any of the other posts might run into this one and realize that she does not have to endure shit. No man or woman is perfect but there are somethings that you should already know that you will not put up with.

My sister's pastor always says that you should enjoy your marriage and not endure it

It is the usual thing in Nigeria. Typically the easy solution is the best solution. Rather than have a policy and set up a commission to go after people that are exploiting women they decide to stop women from furthering their careers before they even have a chance to start it. I am sure whoever came up with this thought he was so brilliant. Nigeria for you

I know how you feel. I used to get upset about that a lot too but I have talked to a lot of women going through this and by the time they finally accept that the abuse is a bad thing and they should not deal with it, they are already so broken down emotionally and mentally that they feel like they do not have what it takes to make it on thier own. Abuse in marriage is the worst thing someone can go through and I agree that the first time he pushes you or shoves you, you better have a plan B because it will only get worse. Plan your exit so that by the time he graduates to using a stick or a club on your head, you are financially ready to break free.

Nobody likes a woman like that not even other women so that is not what I meant. A man is more likely to be jealous of a woman's success that a woman is to be jealous of a man's.

Very funny Sisi Jinx

Most nigerian men are intimidated by successful women.




********runs and hides********

More power to her. So is it african to beat your pregnant wife abi. When you should be shocked that Mr gorilla is beating up a pregnant woman you are talking about she is being unafrican. I have to get this book.

I wish you well. I hope she can forgive you and you guys learn from this. I wish that woman that wants to abort her pregnancy when she is already engaged to be married can read this. I am sure this poor women will probably even sell her sould to the devil if she can get a child. If she knew the kind of grief she would endure, she would have kept that child. Life is full of lessons

I have washed the car with him before. He washed sha and I rinsed with the hose and pointed out all the spots he missed. I cannot say that I will get up one morning and put wash car on list of things to do

shapey:
hOW DO YOU KNOW THIS FOR SURE? When my story was told on this same site people opened their mouth saying all sorts of rubbish about how i should sell the story to Nigerian movie makers. YOu were asked for an advice not to do the work of scotland yard dectectives!!! This lady is going through a rough time and all you can say is that she has formulated her story. You think everyone has all the time to sit down and entertain you


@ poster,
Marriage is a long long long walk. I have found myself in positions where i thought i would leave the marriage at the drop of a heart. Believe me my dear sister, you can forgive that man you call your husband. I am heavily pregnant now and my husband cheated on me. I closed my mind to the marriage, but by the time i churned things over, i thougth otherwise. Just read my story on this same family section. I went through hell, saw the devil and came back. I thought it was all over, and that the dark days had gone by. I did not know that there was more waiting for me. I am expecting my 1st baby in 3months, i have a pregnancy induced hypertension. My husband's mobile rang and i picked up a lady said ''honi that was so hot''. My husband had just returned home from ''work''. what would you do if you were in my shoes Tolerance my sister. Be patient with him. sleep in the same bed, have shower together.It is heart breaking. The next day after that call, i had a shower with my husband, and he touched my tummy , we played and joked till he left for work. I never mentioned a word of it to him. Only yesterday, he was late in coming home. I rang the hospital where he works, and was told he left over 2hrs ago. He walked in like 1 hr later and said he just left the hospital.

My dear, cool temper oh!!! Think of your son. He will need his father's presence in his early development. don't deprive him of it. There is nothing we women cannot walk around. While going through all these, just know that millions of women are going throught worse things in their homes. I am not saying to reduce yourself to a slave in your marital home, but don't just walk away. You are stronger than that.

ONE LOVE

She is thinking of her son that is why she is not willing to let him see that his father's bad behavior is acceptable. Look at your husband and see if he did not learn his behavior from his family. You cannot base your staying in a marriage solely on children. I simply cannot hve respect for a habitual liar jus like I don't expect my husband to respect me if every word out of my mouth is a lie.

In the good wife market. Where else before

Run don't walk away from her. She was more than likely jilted in the past and is in what you call "date rage" according to McSteamy. Anyway she could possibly harm you if she even "thinks" that you are playing her.

The cousin thing is icky to me but it is done in some nigerian cultures and even from a religious standpoint Abraham married his half sister. I don't know. If you can live with it then ,

How silly. Who is going to prove that she did not just have an early delivery. There are simple ways to handle this without being so drastic. How does she know that she will be able to conceive again. People just like to play with thier destiny. I have to agree with the man in this case. She is not using wisdom.

What a cute baby? Thank you Lord for the safe delivery. Welcome to the world baby and may goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life. YOu shall dwell in the house of God forever. My regards to your wife.

If you are sure that they will love that child as their own then it might not be bad. Just keep in mind that you have lost all rights to that child. The fact is that you can sell yoru sperm for $50.oo someone is ofering you 2.5 million. If you areokay with donating sperm at the sperm bank then this should not be an issue. I think the couple will be thankful.

If it was me I would move back and be with my husband.

I hope Rhodacious is okay. This is nigeria for you

I love Nigerian history even when it is not my ethnic group. I just love reading about it even if I will not remember tomorrow. Atleast I have an answer to the whole Ijaw thing. Someone told me once that there were Ijaw in Ondo state but I could not understand it. I guess if you think of it being all coastal places they did most of their living and movement on water. So they basically went where the water was. It explains why Ijaws are that widely spread out. Make I go study map of Nigeria real quick. Is there somewhere online where you can get a map of Nigeria and zoom into the towns in the different states. Please post the link if you do

Some husbands (and I use this tern loosely) deserve to be slapped. I know someone that her husband has cheated on her over and over and all she does is want to go fight other women that did not force her dog to cheat.

I wasn't interested in switching channels before I got married and so it's not a big deal for me. Marriage is not for everyone. If you like to jump around as a single person you will probably not change when you get married

Benincity real friends will still be around even if they are single. You probably did not do anything wrong. The fact is that life just takes us to different places.

Very True

Divorce is definitely an option. Let those that want to talk about stay and die from AIDS and let an orphanage raise your child keep talking. This man will never change and even if he will change you do not have to be there for him to do so. Dust your feet and leave him for God to judge. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child. This man is simply the devil. Let the devil take of his own. You take care of yourself and your child.

I know the penalty should be more but it is a good thing that our people are starting to think about these issues. We do not get better by staying the same. If something is wrong remove it. I thank God for this development

Morpheus I think you are right. I read something about this some years ago and it makes perfect sense. I don't know why people find it hard to believe it.