₦airaland Forum

It should be illegal to owe people salary. I mean, how do you pay bills and food. If both you and wife are owed. Womza ! Unbelievable

NwaAmaikpe:



The only time I ask for sex from my sex partners is whenever they are on their period because other times, it is my birthright, they give it to me without my asking.

You are in the honeymoon stage of marriage. Comment after 5 years

without a power structure in place . It will lead to the demise or the split in church. That is why the winners chapel and RCCG models will last. There is a organization structure in place.

Munzy14:
Their is no rule book that said so....Even proposal is a modern stuff very different from how our ancestors will visit a maiden home with keg of wine and kolanut to come ask about a ripe fruit they saw...

Even, some of our parents married without seeing the wife...just when the marriage rights was completed, the wife joined next available bus to Lagos or elsewhere from village to go and meet her man and they become one..


And such marriage lasted till death comes....Such marriages produced some of us that are now looking for rings and drama at shopping malls to kneel and propose with fanfare only to cancel wedding when the ovation is gone..


Things fall Apart....Each aboki with his kettle sha..

Yes, To each their own.
Because our ancestors did it that way doesn't mean we have to do the same way nor was there love involved. It was seen more of a duty . Our "eyes' and minds have been enlightened to know that - those ways will no longer work or last in this age. There are many woman who felt trapped in such arranged marriages but considered divorce terrible and therefore stayed in such arrangements not nowadays.

In any case.... whoever pays the piper dictates its tune.

Omicron007:




The GOAT.
Don't mind that bald headed over-hyped spanish flop in the Blue side of Manchester who has spent more than One Billion US Dollars just to set up a First 11.

That Pep is a racist who hates black players. We cannot forget what he did to Toure Yaya.

Jose is the GOAT.
Pep signed an average over-hyped English boy for 100 Million. Jose would never do that.

Not only Yaya but Eto - I'll stop short of calling him racist but he doesnt like black people of African descent.

Munzy14:


This is your fantasies right?

A proposal is done face to face - Its the least he can do

I think she telling you means something - However, I am interested as to what led to that. This is not something that just happens.
When I cheated on my S.O ... It was because of the following
1. Getting into unnecessary arguments
2. Sex was uneventful
3. Occurrence - It went from 3 days a week to once every 2 weeks . So I found it easier paying someone ( we spoke the same language - Trade by barter) than
4. Communicating with her. ) I could not experience my feelings or expected her to be in the mood and read my mind)
5. She was disinterested - No sexy laundry anymore or perfume. always excuses - I am tired, no period , not in the mood.
6. Did not initiate . Screw Hollywood... It was always me not those women on TV that made the first move. As men sometimes you want to be desired.
So I turned to porn and then sex workers.

In any case - those were my reasons - What were hers ?
You need her to be open and address the break down in communication that led to that infidelity. Do not rush to amend or else an occurrence happen. Let her have the bed and sleep on the couch .. Do not linger but be thorough ....

Its easier for me to say Move On but everyone has a load of baggage they carry. Don't forget to have her give you an STD and HIV report and pregnancy report . If she doesnt - then call off the relationship and move on.

Well with the advent of technology - He could make it a bit romantic.
I mean do it over video call but have someone kneel down and give you the ring.

- Someone who does it over a phone call might mean
1. You are setting yourself up for a less romantic relationship
2. The dude has no creative juices in his bone.
3. The fact that he referenced his mom's proposal eons ago might mean he will expect you to do things as old school
- You do all the house chores
- Sit at home and take care of the kids while he alone works
- In short " be domesticated"

It is during the courtship that a man is supposed to be most romantic . How many married men sing their wives R&B love songs compared to bf/gf relationships.
Unless there is a huge ocean between you two - He could be creative and put more effort in it.

Why not ask her the question ?
Have recording app on and ask that you want to meet with her.
I would go the extra mile in getting an adult to tag along and inquire if you are the father or not.
If Yes.. Outline a plan of action till child is born and you can confirm with a DNA.
Something like
- Setting up a baby shower with her friends ( Contribute N50k)
- Crib ( Contribute N50K)
- Baby Clothes etc ( N100K)
something along those lines.
Do not marry someone you do not love because of a child. You are just going to end up unhappy and divorce her later on ( The happy ending Stories only work in Hollywood)

- If Yes, ask her if she wants you at the hospital bed during delivery and when you can see the child. Get the DNA done as soon as possible. So then you can discuss indepth on visiting hours and taking care of the baby financially and when older physically. It goes beyond saying - You'll have to explain this to every person you are serious with that you have a baby mama.

Why the heck is his femur bone showing and nobody is talking about it ! Hikes you guys are hard !!!!

I would tell you from experience that I am what I am and NYSC had a huge roll to play.
I had always been a Lagos dude. Never travelled out except during Christmas Hols with family to Ibadan.
When NYSC came calling i was posted South East north of Benin - Its been a while so ill mention the area Auchi. Dad wanted to " Change it to Lagos" but I declined. So Auchi I went and wow.
- The selfless service - Community Service
- Comraderie ( Meeting people from different backgrounds and idealogy)
- Allowance - No bills to pay ( Just food, clothing and travel)
- Belief - I joined the Christian Corpers and leant a lot of life skills and situations.
- Growth - That one year made you see Nigeria in a different way
- Ladies - Wow is all I can say God is really really good.
So, I didnt have the Job temptation you have and so you'll ultimately have to decide but the experience I notched under my belt for 18months still stays with me till today.
Serving at a later stage in life isn't the same once you have responsibilities. If you're head of the family or have to assist then the Job sounds like an amazing prospect but if you are young and wild and free then go Serve your motherland o jare !

hmm - You need to have a sit with your mum and inquire exactly what the Issue is.
If it is about the source of money - then plead the blood on the money and use it. Doesn't Paul say something about eating food set aside for idols. Is God printing money in Heaven ? No - Money is this world's currency - we do not know the source of any money, if it has been used to snot coke or from kidnappers, so mummy should chill.
You never asked to be brought into this world.. she did ,now you have not mentioned your dad but until you have come of age, she's has to take care of you.
So far, I have calculated N9,000 that the uncle gave you " reluctantly" . You will certainly need more to complete your studies, how is mummy going to cover that. So sit down with her face to face and outline your budget and inform her you did it out of need not want.

If you send me your report, I'll donate N5k to your studies.

This makes no sense
Why wasnt anything heard in England ? Moves the france and all this .....
Also why no bail, I mean he's no flight risk.

You asked so here it goes.
Every marriage hits a rock spot. When the " honey " dries up and the sun goes now.
It is when reality meets faith who wins.
Constant quarreling tells me that you guys are not speaking the same language in love.
If you want your marriage to flourish then take my advice.
1. You need to work on your communication. You are speaking English and he French. Due some words borrowed from each tongue you get along but you are walking on eggshells till the next quarrel or argument.
2. You need a mediator -Not a Pastor but someone who is qualified to help work this out ( So you need to invest in the marriage as it will not be free but paid )
3. You both need to be invested -You both need to try and make it work - Meaning he might be perfectly okay with how things are and you are not - So ask him .. honey or dear are you happy with our marriage ? If he says Yes, you can reply I want it to work better and last and if he says no, then what can we do about it.
If he says nothing - make some suggestions - ( What are the quarrels about ? Finances , attention , house chores , attitude etc )
The First steps would be to itemize the things on a piece of paper that make you mad ( 5 things) and like wise him and you try and work out a compromise on issues.

I will give an example - We have been married for over 10 years . My wife doesn't love to cook , she doesnt love sex like I do, we are from different backgrounds . I am from West and she East. But struggles to do a lot of things that i ascribe ladies would do however she makes more money than I do , is also great a work. But not very homely , she can also sing . She can act and flash a smile but she wasnt like my ex's . During the 7 year itch it got to a boiling point where I wanted out. But the saving grace for me was that I didn't know anybody personally who had divorced. My parents where intact, my uncles had 2 wives but never divorced - So they had one wife at home and another outside . I wasn't prepared to call someone whom I didnt know about the 1-2-3 steps on divorce and when I sat down to reason properly . I said, she hadn't cheated, wasn't lazy, is a Christian so why would I throw all that away because I was not happy about the other stuff. I deserve to be happy so I started to read about relationships and then I set a time and date and informed her that we have to talk about the marriage. I wrote down all the things I didnt like about the relationship about her but they were points.
1. Sex ( I do not find you sexually active, I have to beg for sex and cajole - I'll buy you loungerie and tech you how to love me and i to you)
2. Communication - Do not ask me to do something when I am watching soccer or in the bathroom, if you need my attention call me and look at my face.
3. Cooking - Lets get someone to cook meals - Pay the person, you finish the cooking and serve, I do dishes .
4. Clean - You handle upstairs and I handle downstairs. and once a month pay someone to do a deep cleaning.
5. Finances - You pay rent, insurance and feeding. Ill handle car payments, clothing etc.
6. etc.
It took a weekend but the key was that we both wanted it to work !

I would love to send you a free DVD - Titled Marriage that Flourishes and see if you can apply the steps to your situation.

For a man not to find a woman sexually attractive is a lie. There are some exceptions - relative, not clean or older like in her 70's.
There is something else which you are not telling us :-
- That you are messing around with someone else outside and do not find your wife fulfills your sexual appetite.
- You feel she was forced upon you and that she is not attractive enough for you or meets your standard.

You have chooses.

- You can have a meeting and tell her that you would want to separate amicably - . Your reason however is shallow and I doubt you'll find that emotional support you are looking for here.

- You could buy her sexy laundry, show her that " dirty movie" you like to watch and tell her you are not fulfilled sexually. Invest in the relationship. Take her shopping and change her wardrobe. We ( men) are physical beings - when we see something we get a spark.

- Communicate feelings - How can you make this work ? If that is only the Issue you have with her - You don't find her sexually attractive. So she is okay 90% but is failing in 10%. There are other women who are sexually attractive but lack in other areas. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

- Marriage or union is something you work out. There is something called the 7 years itch. Where you get bored ? You have to rediscover your feelings, have your aunt take your child for the weekend and spend time just the two of you.

GoodLuck

Well - some medical companies actually buy the placenta for cosmetics purposes.

This is sad.
He killed 2 people. Do you Jail the father and make the children a ward of the state. ? To be raised by relatives that might not have enough food to eat themselves ? In other countries you get paid for raising children up to 18 years. In Naija - nada.

Where in Canada ? Its a big country.
Ghana Jollof rice and Mexico will give you a run for your money.

This is a hard pill to swallow.
And only you can forgive her and move on.
What I fail to comprehend is why not use a rubber as protection and prevention.
In any case - these are my suggested steps

1. Have a DNA test done on all the children. ( You need to know if they are yours or raising someone elses'
2. It is not the child's fault. - Sperming an egg and raising a child are 2 different things. You may need to psych yourself or remind yourself that she is an adopted child to get beyond the stigma that she is not yours.
3. You'll need to attend counselling to heal the relationship - This is the hardest part. This is not a pastor - you need someone who is a qualified marriage counselling expert.
Good Luck !

I see no issue asking sex. The Issue is if the sex was a trade by barter. You are both adults.

Why not shoot the wife who offended you ? In any case Double Wahala...

You'll understand when I delay my celebration for a few days. After Urine Test .. I'll kill a goat and jubilate.

Dude if we are seeking funds to seek a doctor is one thing - You cannot use this forum for medical advice - Get checked out. The same people who told you, you have a low sperm count should tell you the remedy.
1.

Don't the cattle rearers have the right to protect themselves and their cattle. ? Why not just ban the practice of nomadic cattle rearing like others countries do. You farm your cattle on your land and property. Not on someone else's property , not on the street.
What is weird is this - Of all things that ails this country - Lack of Fuel, electricity , good roads and education, rule of law and justice, discipline , innovation , policing , free and fair politics - why the huge support for this bill ?

Trust Issues you have.
You both lived separately. Decided to take the relationship to the next level. Found a house and decided who pays what.
Boy = Pays rent and "Major Bills" ( Constitute what) Car payments, Insurance etc
Girl pays Utilities, feeding etc
The Issue isnt that you own the house, its that you never trusted him to begin with.
Who wouldn't be happy that
1. You own a property
2. Paying down Mortgage .

I would advice that you sit him down and explain to him why you did what you did.
1. Trust Issues and now you have come around.
2. Split the rent - So Instead of him shouldering 100% - split 50/50.

I think he would come around and forgive u. ( If I were in his shoes, I would anyways)

Just put Nigeria 1 on both lists.
Do you think Caucasians are behind the UK numbers ? Nope ! They are Nigerians in UK.

abbey621:
Do you know why most rape cases are tossed out? You guys don't undertsand the legal parameters of rape and the sentimental/social one. The only issue here is age of consent which is tricky as some parts of the country allow a 16 year old girl to be married. The issue you described with your girlfriend also has loopholes, are there witnesses that can testify to the relationship? Has she been intimate with you before? Any sign of force, bruises or bleeding? The court especially a Nigerian one finds it difficult to declare rape in such instance as the evidence is circumstantial and flimsy at best. What you called noncensual sex could be called hard to get or pre-intimacy. Don't think it applies to guys alone, a girl can put you in the mood by forcibly unzipping your pants, rubbing your joystick and mouth action, by your definition this is also rape since consent was not given but GOODLUCK proving it in court without being laughed at

Rape is not something which is on the lips or tongue of anyone. But If a woman says that she was raped and there are signs of sperm you might be done for. Especially, in light of #me too. Spousal Rape or Statutory Rape . Non - Consensual Sex and Statutory sex - deals with sex with a minor . maybe the gf shouting rape gets tossed out eventually but not after your whole life is dragged out in the news and social media outlets.

After 14 years - are you sure he doesn't have a second family somewhere else ?

Ever since my days in Unilag - early 2000. It has been PH. Globally- Benin Girls. Usually those bigger cities win the award.

judetov2:
(1) 17 years old is no longer a minor
(2) it was not a rape case, business gone wrong.
(3) 72 year old man can not rape a 17 year old gal.

1- It says a minor which means 18 years is considered at adult. In some countries It is 21.
2- As money was mentioned, It appears she didnt get what she was promised but this could be a second charge of paying for sex but since she is a minor, you stick to the higher charge.
3. Says whom ? Non-consensus sex is called rape. I once raped my girlfriend. ( We were having heavy petting and decided to take it further, so i forced myself on her. She eventually enjoyed it but she was furious after. It was then I learnt that she owns her body and when she says no and you enter her without consent, It is rape. ( So she could be sleeping naked and you enter here without violence but without her consent, It is rape). So yes, a 72 year man can rape a 17 old girl.

I'll start my responses with " The mind is a terrible thing to waste"
1. For thinking God answers such selfish prayers.
2. Why not go to counselling together to work out issues - his broke state had nothing to do with emotion state as it relates to you.