₦airaland Forum

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

Help Mama to get a life, or some distraction.

sirjamesjnr:
For a guy which of them is most preferrable. My cousin need this advice. House please help and state your reason. The guy has elementary knowledge in calculus and algebra,also physics. He is 26, has oversea dream.

So, you want to use me for online poll

Why all this epistle when you can buy Unifoam

When you bear the name "fox"

Lh2704:
Trust if you knew all the things I’ve done for this man you will see I am more than a wife. His family know the things I do for him too. Why talk about future like marriage and children if you don’t want it? People can lie true, but there are other things that say he isn’t lying about wanting these things with me but that’s what makes me confused to the introduction you see?

His family knows what you have done for him but no one has invited you yet.
Sister, he has someone else!

owo8184:
I am a young married man with 2 kids. The marriage is 6yrs now. Due to the situation of the country, we’ve not been staying together. I hustle in a University environment in one of the states in Southwest while she works as a freelance for some organizations in Lagos. I normally come home (Lagos) on monthly basis. But during this lockdown, I have been in Lagos with my family. Prior to our marriage, there is this guy she met when we had some misunderstanding. They started a date but later called it off when we settled. She didn’t give me the details but based on what I read on her phone back then, I knew they made out together. The said guy is now in Port Harcourt but I am aware he normally comes to Lagos. Just today, I heard my wife giving someone a description of where they will meet somewhere in Agege (where she uses as her office). I was curious to know the person. I didn’t ask her because she would find a story to cover up. I found a way to check her phone and saw that her ex - the said guy was the one who called. May I say that we have fought over this guy several times even before and after our marriage. She won’t let this guy be in her past. She’s either calling the guy or the guy is calling her. This time, I chose not to raise my voice but monitor her closely. She left home for work today. I may not be able to give details but every surrounding clue indicates that my wife has a date today. She returned home and I found a way to check her whatsapp but alas she has deleted her chats with the guy. Just this night again, she received a call from another man asking her when she would come to his office. She once told me that the man was asking her out. In all these, I want to believe my wife is up to something. Infidelity is the last I would accept in this marriage. Should I confront her with all these observations? Please, I am confused.

You need to get evidence man, drop by unannounced at her office, copy her ex's phone number and monitor him somehow. Sorry man, dealing with a cheating spouse is just horrible.
btw, are you faithful?

Vincenzomum:
I am not a Nigerian I live in Italy with my Nigerian husband we have 2 children , and I am expecting twins next month. My first child Vincenzo is not from my husband , I had him with an Italian man we later separated. I met my husband 5 years ago we talked about not naming any of our children with traditional names as their first name maybe middle name because I strongly believe children abroad should be given names that everyone around will feel comfortable to pronounce them, that will also help them from not getting bullied in school we both had accepted. Our first daughter we named her Olivia munachi , we have both decided to named our twins aleesha and alexia but at last minutes my husband changed his mind , he want us to name them with Nigerian names as their first names which I am against him, this problem is bringing a lot of problem in the house because I will not accept him to give my babies any Nigerian names as their first , I prefer it to be their middle names, he is angry and refuse to talk to me. But this thing we had discussed even before we got married I don’t understand why the sudden change in him. Please help me judge this matter who is wrong between the two of us ?

"Children abroad"
Fake story.

SIRTee15:
Any woman who thinks she's not born to cook for her family should not marry but remain single for life
Simple.
This is not about u and your husband.
But about enforcing strong family values n entrenching healthy communal fellowship.
African feministas should not come n destroy traditional values that's proven valid n trusted for thousands of years because of their laziness n entitled mentality.
Western feminist who detest family responsibility simply stay away from the marriage institution. I don't know why that's so difficult for our African feminists to copy. Rather than getting married n becoming headache for everybody.

Mr Community Marriage Values Enforcement Officer, I hope you'll be paid for this job.
@ the first bolded, why don't you take a post at every event center to screen all intending brides.
You sound totally stupid.
Simple snacks should have settled this issue for the op @topic.

SIRTee15:
Ok lets get something clear. Cooking in the home is the primary responsibility of the wife.
A woman has no business getting married if she doesn't want to be cooking on regular basis. Such a lady should stay single for life.
I don't understand where all this nonsense is coming from.
because last time I check, married white women ( u guys are trying too hard to copy) cook for their home, they cook for friends who come visiting and cook for family gathering/reunion.
There are thousands of youtube vlogs dedicated to married white women culinary skills in the kitchen.

Asian, Arab and latin women cook for their families without issues.
It's only in Africa that black women wants to turn modernity on its head with their warped feminist ideology that makes no sense.
I don't even see this as feminism...rather what I can perceive is a lazy but entitled generation trying to avoid responsibility.

It's not by force to marry, stay single if u don't like the responsibility that comes with it.

Which part of "cooking is not a problem" do you not understand?
Interesting enough, I love treating my family to delicacies (on a steady basis) and I'm not even married yet!
What makes you think you have the authority to decide what my husband and I will do in our own home (who are you again?)?
Oga, face the man who can't run his home properly and leave my matter out of it!

If you have read this original post, raise your hands and say after me,
"My children will not make me homeless in Jesus' name"

lefulefu:
there is nothing wrong in cooking.If the wife was cooking for him and the kids thats normal.What is abnormal here is op subjecting his wife to cook for 20 men as if the wife is a slave..cooking for a large group of ppl is no easy feat.But if the wife was preparing a meal for the husband and the children thats a normal family setting and not slavery.I dont think any normal woman would grumble that she is cooking a meal for her husband and children.

Cooking is not the problem here, but the mentality that women are born to cook!
Everyone should cook, especially people who can't afford helps and caterers!
He was trying to use the good woman angle on me, which will not fly.
Na so so good woman she go dey form until she drops out of exhaustion. God forbid.

Correct wedding, this one will not break

Mivici:
Pls read this carefully, my friend is about to wed his new girlfriend because he thinks now is the right time, I actually saw like a pre wedding photos on his ig, I later discover that I know this girl back in makurdi when I went for tourist visit...if I could remember vividly I met this girl then in a club house, She was been rough handle by guys because she is a good dancer I collected her number after the party and later called her a day after, we spoke and she ask me to send her transport and me I don't send ladies transport because I don't trust them again since one played me back then during 2go days.....I ask her to come because the discription she gave me, I presume she stay close by, not far from where I live, let her take a drop if she then arrive my junction I will pay.....she later showed up and pay the taxi man herself and we enter the apartment where I was staying for the break....fast forward after everything she went to take her shower up till this days it was like a mystery the girl varnish I never got to see her again. Her phone, her bags and clothes where all on the bed.

Just yesterday I was on my Instagram page then I just saw and visualize this same girl and my friend in a pre wedding photo.


Presently I'm in thesame town with this my friend because I came down to asaba for him, I don't know what to do.

I'm afraid of confronting her and I'm also afraid of telling my manchi.

I think I should run away from Asaba right now

You got a visit from a witch,
you are alive to tell the story,
now you want to confront the witch.
Are you sure you are okay?

SirMichael1:
Don't take your fustration out on me. If you spent few more seconds reading, maybe you'll come across the section that reads, "i'll help her make the swallow. She only has to make the soup even with the help of a helper"

Stop quoting me like your fingers are not attached to your brains. If you're from a broken home, do not allow it influence your thought pattern. Is making soup now difficult for a woman. You're the reason men don't see good women to marry anymore.

Your good women are slaves, born to cook and satisfy your whims,
Arrrrgh, I've got stuffs to concentrate on tonight so lemme save my energy for later.
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you would have bought pie and Bigi for them at 8000 and still cut your costs.
Set awon "use them hubbies".
Your type of husbands squeeze the very life out of your wives till they start looking like your mummies before 40.
Mtcheew.

SirMichael1:
I don't need anyone to condemn my wife, the mother of my kids. I just need insight on how to get her to do it.

How to get her to do it?
Why don't you put a rope on her neck?
Can't you buy snacks?
You knew it would be your turn to host for a year and you were planning to use your glorified housemaid right?
I don't know why women rush to marry you people. What's your benefit?
Nonsense!

Gang90:
So it was December 23rd 2019 and my family had gone home for Xmas, I was the only one left in my flat because I was travelling home on 26th so the whole flat was mine...at first I felt like a Bachelor, I'm 25 it was Christmas eve, the weather is cold and Chilly, few guys came around, I had lots of end of the year parties to attend.

So on the night of 23rd December I was at this end of the year party with my friend OG, after taking two bottles of small stout, I notice this girl I had been crushing on, I told my friend OG and he arranged the seat for us at the other corner...

He called the girl over and we got talking, apparently I used to exchange greetings with the girl on the street and she seem to realise I had interest in her...Our discussion went smooth, she confessed to liking me too.

At about 10:30 I wanted to go home, I told OG, Seems I will be alone in my flats let me try my luck on her...OG encouraged me with some few Bro lines and asked if I got some CD, I didn't see the need for the CD I just told OG, that won't be a problem as far as she will follow me home.

I tried my luck, seems fate brought us together she agreed to go home with me...seriously I didn't contemplate sex in the first place, I just wanted to go home with her, have some fun mummy and Dady time, cook us something well, I only meant to cook noodles or prepare tea because since my family travelled I had been surviving entirely on tea and noodles or eat out...

On getting to my flat things didn't work out exactly as I had imagined on closing the door, I held her and kissed her on the forehead she was in front so I held her from behind, holding her tummy I whispered to her ear, "would you want to carry my baby", that statement triggered a reaction which made her start contemplating if she will carry my baby ofcourse she would like to but what happens to this, to that, her education...you know all those type of reasoning in other to stop her from talking I had to move in and planted a kiss on her lips so passionately.

The next few minutes we would be on the couch, we went on and on up to a point she begged me to make love to her...Well I was not prepared for this so I was like, I'm not ready for sex now, she begged and begged and I maintained my ground.

Up to a point she asked if I'm okay like down there, I said yes I'm okay, she asked again is it that you have it small down there that she wouldn't mind, these questions are getting rather embarrassing, truthfully I was hard but not prepared for sex, I like the girl but I just wanted to get to spend some intimate non sexual time with her.

I made it clear to her I desire her and I just want to stay close with her for the night but I can't have sex with her I don't even have a CD, so she repeated her annoying question again saying tell me the truth are you sure that you are okay or even if it is small I wouldn't mind, just make love to me, at the height of these embarrassing questions, I pulled off my trousers then my boxes and ask her now does it seem like I'm not okay or that I'm small down where, I made it clear to her I'm not just ready for this today, she confirmed I'm okay and my size too is okay.

She still begged me to just let her hold me, stuff like that, at the end looking rather disappointed she said look at the way I'm begging you, it even seem like I'm rapping you already...

She left a little disappointed but more so in love, the next day she confessed to having fallen in love with me, when she came the next day I didn't allow her to kiss me when she tried, I got a broken lips from yesterday's rump and it won't just be right bleeding into her mouth...I fell for her too.

But I travelled soon when I came back on January she had travelled to spend some time with her sister, then I travelled again, I didn't see her again until a week ago but she don't seem to have the zeal to have something to do with me...Guys what did I do wrong.

Like someone said up there, it's your body.
Don't make decisions when you're inebriated.

BornToSucced:
I was thinking maybe they have specific places they can wear the ring to.

I have no idea what goes on in their minds. Ask one of them when you see her.

BornToSucced:
Really

What else could it be?

I really don't know why. Probably they are catching cruise like you guys have been doing.

Women should help women naw, why can't female influencers help her trend?
For how long will you people continue to blame patriarchy for your lapses?

ovieemue:
I met her on a dating website we talk and l already like her before l knew she was a Muslim. She said she is fine with it but l am not.


I have even ask her out and she agrees. I feel in the future our religion might come between us.


I need advice from matured people especially those that have witnessed marriage from different religions.

You are not okay with her religion but you went ahead to ask her out, bros, wetin dey do you?

crackhaus:
Lol, what things? I can't recall having any tiff with this username, but apology accepted.

I also apologize if I may have triggered you somehow into saying those things, whatever they may be... I know I can trigger

Cool

crackhaus:
Lol, this thread though...

Understanding the psychology of human behaviour can be quite thrilling.

Just imagine if the OP's post went something like this instead:



Now I wonder what the advice would have been in this case.

The same people who would usually claim that marriage does not bestow any special privileges, is not important, and isn't an achievement, are somehow usually the same people who would subconsciously rate the position of a wife to be more important than that of a girlfriend.

I guess in fact then, that until one is married, they must not take their relationship too serious because there's no legitimacy to it. You should only take a woman serious after you have married her, never before.

No offence to the unmarried people who will probably take this personal... ahh no fück that, the pun was intended.

My point exactly!
P. S. I couldn't get the things I said to you out of my mind. I apologize.

Truthlord12:
please no need for insult. Should I assist my ex’s family and lose my new girlfriend? What of if my ex don’t want to come back to the country I’ll lose two of em. Please give me a reasonable advice not insults

If you don't help her family, well, you have just confirmed the notion that ladies should never invest in men they are not married to. Not one kobo!

Kalatium:
Yes we have seen what you ladies go through. You guys are trying

But even if God was to reverse our biology and make men give birth and pass through menstrual we will still be able to handle it, infact even better.

Let girls run the world for a year, this world will get back into shape pronto!

IamPlato:
you Are A Woman So Answer The Questions

Come and carry me

IamPlato:
Why do ladies get highly hungry for sex when they are on their period?

How do you manage the urge for sex when your man is not present or when you don't have a man?

Why do you ladies get agitated when on your period?

What does the pain feel like?



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Good luck on your search for answers.

Xj2020:
If you are good you are good, and if you are bad you are bad. You might hide your bad side for a while. However, it is only a matter of time before everything would come out to the open. The Big Brother Show is a perfect example.
My story is that of a young chap that fell in love and got married to the women of his supposedly dream with kids. From day one till date, my beloved wife has been anything but a good housewife. She doesn't give me peace of mind. Always looking for ways to provoke me.
My wife isn't submissive. She is abusive and unappreciative of all I have done and have been doing for her and the children. This is even though the financial burden of the house has been mine 100% from the beginning to date. This is a woman that does not want to do any kind of work if it is not a government job. I have provided her with everything she asked for and even those things she didn't ask for. This woman has never lacked anything in my house to date
My beloved wife insults me in the presence of our kids. Mind you, I don't smoke, drink, and womanize. Neither have I laid my hands on her or intend on laying my hands on her. This is a woman I help with house chores like sweeping, washing the bathroom and toilets, and mobbing the house at my leisure time.
This woman has taken sides against in the time past when I had a misunderstanding with some persons outside. This woman isn't scared to insult my parents every time we have a misunderstanding. My mother-in-law isn't helping matter as she has continued to instigate her daughter against me.
I have finally decided to move out of the house for the now and see how things play out. If things don't improve, then I would have no choice than to seek divorce. Notwithstanding, the children would continue to be my responsibility.
Mature advice would be highly appreciated.

Any matured advice would be highly appreciated from the house.

It would interest the house to know that I am under 40 years old and a PhD. D holder in XXXXX in one of the foremost and most prestigious Federal University in Nigeria where I lectures. I have a First honours in XXXXXX in the same university. I was among the top three best graduating student in my Department and was adjudged best student in WASCE during my secondary school days; Best graduating student in my Department at the OND level before seeking and gaining direct entry admission into a Federal University; Won an award for best student at the 300 level in my Department that year. I was a committed member of Deeper Life despite coming from a Muslim. I still remember how my brother and I used to sneak out the house just for rehearsal that year. I was a member of the youth choir that year and I can still remember playing an active role in evangelizing and teaching search the scripture that year. I still remember going to music class that year and playing an active role in my school fellowship. Everything I am experiencing today is 100% my fault. How could I have fallen in love so blindly and got married to a member of a sect called "Grail Message: In the Light of the truth" without a comprehensive background check. Yes, she got pregnant for me outside wedlock which I take 100% responsibility for but still I shouldn't have allowed her cajoled and pushed me into marrying her talk less of having a court wedding. Do you know that this woman is holding on to the fact that she has children for me and that we did court wedding to do whatever she liked with full support from the mum. Do you know that this woman is very good at reporting everything that happens in my home to her mother? She wants a government job and nothing else. I tried my possible best to get her into my institution without success and she knows this. A woman that has never lack anything since we got married but has never been grateful for once in her life for all I have done to keep the home running. A woman that sees the family problem as solely my problem. I have been a member of Nairaland for years but decided to open this account to keep my identity private. I know for sure that if she happens to stumble on this thread she would definitely put 2+2 together to arrive at the conclusion that I am behind this thread. However, I do not care what she thinks or do anymore. I have already told her yesterday that I am through with her and I mean it. I still believe however that it isn't too late to change the narrative of my life. For all the guys’ out there forming 'I am in love' please and please open your eyes before you take that step to settle down with the woman of your dream as that lady could either make or mar you for life.

Spousal abandonment is now a crime in Nigeria.
Do not move out until you have consulted a lawyer!

Wow, great products at very considerate prices. I hope you'll have some when I'm nursing.

Rest in peace Uwa. You were born in the wrong country.