₦airaland Forum

Lately, it seems Kwankwaso grabs the news headlines only when he talks about Peter Obi.

Love him or loathe him, Peter Obi is the man of the season.

A new Nigeria is POssible!

Gentlealibu:
Oh! I successfully built it years ago and have already added 3 rooms ensuite to the initial room and parlor.

Congrats bro.

placeofallure:
Na Obishit state. He's been looking for goodwill jolly rides to validation; he should go and pick up the hospital bills.

It seems you have something personal against Peter Obi. What could that be?

Oluneutral:
You all need to relax.
He who wants to be deceived can be deceived. It's not the first time the op is eulogizing his wife here. Exactly last year, he opened a similar thread of how his wife fed him. On another thread, he described how much gifts his wife showered him with. The problem with some people is that, they don't want others to be happy the way they are, and one of the strategies to achieve this is by constantly dissuading people to tow their paths, unfortunately, some easily-deceived-folks couldn't see the handwritings on the wall, they just blindly and ignorantly follow the evil advice. Anyway, no sympathy for them anyway. I'm sure, @op will be laughing at them in his closet after dishing out his callous advice to the ignoramus.

https://www.nairaland.com/6909694/brief-recall-how-wife-fed.
Where he claimed his wife melted his heart.

https://www.nairaland.com/6924286/how-heartthrob-just-melted-heart.

Nobody having a stable and good marriage relationship will be against getting married or be bitter towards any gender.

Seeing his recent posts against getting married, I thought maybe he has divorced or having serious issues with his wife.

Anyway, irrespective of what people are posting on nairaland, those who are serious about getting married are getting married; those who are not serious about getting married are never short of reasons why marriage or men/women are terrible.

...las las everybody go dey alright...

buygala:
Nigerian Law provides for the legal process of marriage..

It doesn't provide for that process to be carried out twice by the same person, unless the earlier one has been annulled



If you still don't understand, please keep moving

Interesting!

So how do we explain polygamy that is common place in the North and even among some of our parents.

brain54:
Some people will call it inferiority complex…

But life sopose no too hard Abeg.

Before small small things become complex and complicated issues. People should know their capacity and what they can deal with.

... ...una no go kill person with laugh

.... so PhD holders dey complicate things?

stano2:
Why man sit down for women salon

Na this part of the wahala tire me. Asin the man was in the salon to babysit the side chick.

riverbird:
Make sure you are not reasoning from the Conji side of reasoning OP, be very careful because in Nigeria there are only 7 marriageable girls left and 4 are already engaged and am with one thereby leaving only two.

Kai...una no go kill person...lol

...where the remaining two girls dey...

Some of the comments so far are unnecessarily harsh.

You don't kick a man when he's down.

Op, I hope help comes your way.

Ebukaboss:
This morning me and my girlfriend went to eat at a shoprite, after the eating moment i stepped outside... I saw mum and i was shock so me and gf greeted her... She didn't anwser us when i looked straight to her eyes.... She shake her head and eye me with bad looking.... Before she comes back
pls guy tell me what she meant,even me i don't understand

Your mum shook her head because 'pikin wen dem carry for back won carry another pikin for back'.

pansophist:
And my question is, why did you infer the worse possible interpretation of my point? If you read it in the context that I mean, you would notice that you have gone astray with your arguments. ''To love who you marry'' doesn't mean you should just marry any man that shows up or a man you do not have feelings for, it simply means that you should not marry someone because you have feelings for them ONLY. It simply means that in the hierarchy of traits that will make you commit to a man (or a man to a woman), attraction should take the back seat. I pray that the man you are attracted to will be a man of godly character, but life has never been perfect or balanced. 

If you decide to marry someone because feelings are more important than the strength of their character, just know that it has a price. And when you start paying that price, every modicum of attraction and respect you have for him will vanish. Marriage is not dating, marriage is marriage. If you reminisce on all the times you have fallen in love, you may notice a pattern. You would see that the guy you were dying for, that has your ''mumu'' button before is just an ordinary dude now, and you begin questioning yourself, how on earth did I fall in love with this idiot? if this has never happened to you, then perhaps you are still young.  

Also, if you talk to any behavioral scientist, or even google the science of attraction, it is clear that attraction is based on looks. If you know any man or woman that was overweight and loosed weight down to 10 percent body fat, they will tell you for a fact that they get more romantic advances, and suddenly become visible in the dating market. What you call attraction is mostly fitness and someone that is healthy. Most people if they are disciplined enough will be attractive if they can just be on a diet and exercise daily. One thing you can do now is to check out the 'before and now' photos of models/actors in the past, and you will see that they are probably fatter now, and not attractive anymore. 

Attraction is external, it is not skin deep. It is fluctuating and fleeting. You do not, and should NOT make a decision of permanence based on that. Character is a good bet, and if someone treats you to the best of their ability, even if you do not find them attractive, you can still live with them. It is impossible to hate someone that wishes you well and wants the best for you. And if they want the best for you, keeping fit, which is an expression of self-love will make you respect them and potentially develop deep feelings and attraction. Also, what are the probabilities that the man you love will love you back? if like every other of your past love, you lost feelings for him, what will become of the relationship?

If I will use a simple relatable analogy, it is like telling an obese person to love healthy food, instead of sweet junk. Healthy food may not be sweet, but it is good for you. Personally, I like junk food, especially chocolate. I don't drink, smoke, or do those stuff, but chocolates are my Achille heels, But as I grow older, I know that it is not good for me, and I stopped it. My diet now for most people is weird, but I come to love it because it's healthy for me, and will make me live longer. It is about sacrificing want/desire, for need/greater good. In case you don't know, you are always paying a price. And not knowing the price you are paying makes it worse. Being with a man due to feelings is also a reason for the prevalence of single motherhood, how about that? Bad men are attractive too you know? 

Is it a surprise that dating now is a mess? It is this mindset of putting feelings first that contributed to this mess. Lots of good boys and girls are friend zoned because they didn't give you butterflies, even if they will make good partners. The content of their hearts doesn't matter, just appearance. To end this, let me make this clear for the umpteenth time. By all means, marry a man you find attractive, but don't marry a man you find attractive only. This is and has been the central point of my stance so far, but I keep wondering why you and some other posters who don't want to quote me directly are inferring what I don't mean, and interpreting it to the worse it could possibly get.  Marriage is hard, it is an institution that calls forth the best in you, and feelings alone don't do it, but character.

Well said!

placeofallure:
You are welcome sweetheart.

For Nairaland men, to bash women is sport for them.

I agree that most of the bashing here is uncalled for. But most of the contributions here that appear unpleasant to stargurl20 is nothing but the truth.

A woman should be more concerned about whether a man has feelings for her than the reverse.

I have been married for a while now, and I make bold to say that feelings contribute almost nothing in keeping a couple together. There are more important things that a woman should be looking out for in a prospective suitor not feelings.

Jman06:
Let me just advise you as an elder.

Miss, if you continue getting fixated on that which you call 'love", then you might just be a potential candidate for perpetual singlehood.
That same reason you gave is the reason many ladies are single even in their 40s today.

Clear your mind of too much unrealistic desires and find a good guy to work things out with.

A word is enough

Indeed, a word is enough for the wise!

I perceive the op as kind hearted but a bit naive.

I have read very sound words of wisdom from a number of persons,mostly guys, but stargurl20 is fixated on 'feelings' and maybe instant connection to a prospective suitor.

Ninety (90) percent of married women, including my wife, did not marry who they desired but who was available. I pray that the Op will make the other 10 percent.

Love is blind but marriage is the eye opener.

Campionxxx, you are playing with fire!

Nothing in your story shows that you are prepared for the responsibilities that come with marriage nor the perculiar 'drama' that comes with marrying a single mother.

The life of an average man is hard, don't make yours any harder.

Listen to your parents.

Happy birthday, Ishilove!

This is wishing you long life and prosperity.

Warm regards.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
I will divorce her

I have been following this thread for awhile now, and I am not sure yet what is the right advice to give a man in this your situation.

Sincerely, there are certain situations a man prays never to find himself. This is because whichever way you turn, the road will be difficult and the journey very unpleasant.

But a man must do what a man must do!

I just pray providence leads you on the right path.

Best wishes!

Epositive:
It's quite unfortunate. By the way, you still use age as a metric for intelligence in relation with good thought processes and perspectives? You will sure get disappointed.

You have a point.

However, knowing his age is not for me to determine his level of intelligence. Is for me to know how to approach this brazen display of malicious ignorance.

Epositive:
Many biological children have murdered their parents as well, for inheritance, rituals and whatnot. I don't understand the unwarranted castigation of adopted children.

Is like a meeting was held somewhere to cast adopted children in bad light. That evil meeting has come to naught.

I don't intend to engage the op until I'm sure of his age.

Fahdiga:
Lalasticlala remains the best no matter what. I've been afraid to comment here since he left. Nairaland is anti Igbo.

I find it hard to believe I will be missing Lalasticlala as a moderator on this platform.

What was his offence or error?

churchkilo:
Love brought us together and forever we are meant for each other. 01102022 is the code

Congratulations bro!

HML!

oefosa:
I am sorry to have offended all of you.

But it seems we are all angry.

What is happening to us?


Please, lets try to be nice to each other. We are brothers and sisters.

Again, I apologise.

I am really sorry.

My degrees are not the main thing, I was only trying to state why we should be calm when attending to strangers. I could be the Chairman of NERC. Who knows?


I asked for help, I was attacked, I gave advice, I was attacked.

What is going on?

Please, I need constructive feedback, please

With your apology, you are still telling us you could be the Chairman of NERC.

You are definitely overrating yourself. Notwithstanding, your apology is accepted.

Lesson moral:

Resist the urge to brag about your achievements in a faceless forum. The other stranger maybe your boss.

Warm regards.

Buckeyemedia1:
Irrelevant, could careless, it is who Delta Central supports that will win, it is Urhobo’s turn, we will choose the next Governor of Delta State, you cannot know our kinsmen more than us.

Calm down! Is not only Urhobos that will be voting in the election. Other ethnic groups MUST have their say.

At no time since 1999 has Delta Central solely decided who emerged as governor and this election will not be an exception.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names...

Ishilove:
After leading some impressionable people astray, you got over your fear and still went ahead to marry. This is why I carefully sieve what I allow influence me on social media because if one is not careful, one will be lead into a pit.

Na so...

Everyone needs to be wary of what they read on social media.

The impression people create online and what is obtainable in real life is almost always not the same.

Mumben:
Thank you, maybe it's getting to me cos I am an introvert and by nature, we overthink things.

My dear, don't allow such things get to you.

Don't dwell on hateful comments directed at you or you family. The only person that won't be mocked in this world is one who is without a shortcoming or one whose shortcomings are not known.

Learn to ignore!

Just direct your energy at improving the lot of your family and always remember to ask for God's favour.

I have been mocked before. But God has given me some breakthroughs in life that have turned the mockery into a miracle.

You will have the last laugh!

MEGA4BILLION:
Well your friend should register her for anti-natal, at this level the maid will need a lot of fruits, folic acid and ferrous sulphate, so he needs to provide them before travelling. Best wishes to your friend.


Who won't want to marry a pilot if young ladies can be fighting over Aguba

.... wahala no dey finish...

The maid will be thanking her stars that she is carrying the baby of a whole pilot in her womb..

Op, whatever decision your friend takes, abortion should be out of it.

hashtagged:
You may be looking at love now but it's true. My uncle lost his house to his wife in the UK, he almost committed sucide when everything he worked for was taken from him. His wife later married her dentist and they live in his house.

Marriage may be sweet now but bro in a few years time you would come here wailing. We care about you that's why we are giving you advise.

There are certain advice, most men before marriage, will not bother to listen to because they are blinded by love. But ten years into the marriage, the love would have cleared and reality hits home.
My wish for the op is that he will be among the lucky few that will say happily ever after. Everything in life is a risk. He is free to take this risk.

Divoc19:
Why does this always happen please?
Packing out soonest.
Done.
11years, 3kids.
Dusted.
Kudos to the successful ones out there.
This is my fate.
Am happy and unhappy

Just last weekend, a lady needing help told me she was leaving her marriage. Now reading this makes me fear for most marriages.

Op, I'm sorry for the situation you are in. However, I won't rush to conclude that your husband is in the wrong, or a bad man, until his story is heard because we all have a tendency to twist stories in our favor.

This is my sincere advice to you:

Except there's a threat to life, give this marriage a second chance and try again to make it work. Be very sure you have exhausted all options in getting your marriage back on track.

Forget the display of affection you see on facebook and Instagram, 'all na disguise'. No marriage or relationship is perfect.

Know also that if you get divorced, except you will remain celibate, most of the guys, younger than you, who will be coming for relationship will be coming strictly for the sex or for your money.
Older men with money who will be coming to you for relationship, will most likely be other women's husbands. The street is cold!

Most importantly, do you best to be financially independent.

You have my best wishes!

Pharaoh4rin:
Allow other learners to rack their brain at least. Students no longer writer projects or thesis by themselves and that's why we have a lot of half-baked graduate.

Na una type the encourage such folks in the name of making money. Too bad

nawa o...

how person go go school, another person go write project for am..., e still dey shock me...

Kinzo0917:
. I am from Delta but I want to say Atiku made a grave mistake. Y pick Okowa d failure? Okowa is d worst governor delta State has ever produced. For good 8 years of his administration, he performed woefully. Go to Delta, no single structure to his name. Atiku goofed big time choosing Okowa as his running mate

No single structure? This is not true!

Sufferingboy:
Atiku na mumu for picking Okowa,me and Okowa are from the same Owa clan.But wike is a better and more serious candidate if PDP are serious not this Okowa.

My brother, please throw more light on why Wike is a better choice?