₦airaland Forum

Now I know that many people on NL do not bother to read and understand a post before responding to it.
People are actually asking this woman to go get a job, she already stated that she has a job and is complementing what her husband gives her.

The problem is that the husband does not want to acknowledge it and this is the point that Ujujoan has
been trying to make.

I do not believe that the man does not know it is not enough, this is a strategy by the man to remain the LORD that he believes he should be, he knows if he should admit that he is benefitting from the wife's income in anyway then he will be expected to support her in other things.


I have seen men who wak Fresh fish, stock fish, snails and all other orishirishi on a low house keeping budget only to tell their wives after several years that they do not know what she has been doing with her money!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Good point!

ezinne1212:
Like i said earlier, What exactly are men contributing? you've stated nothing. Women still assume all those responsibilities, while the one thing men are expected to do, which is provide financially, they can't, and you have all these excuses to cover that up. It's sad really!!! What we are left with. I think it's laughable when our generation of boys expect to be called head of homes, it's sad times indeed.

@Ezinne

In this country there are no execuses for a woman not to be an 'ideal' woman but there are 1001 reasons why the man may not be able to perform his duties

I attended a family service in a church sometime ago and the Pastor preached on the roles and responsibilities of both parties in a marriage.
He started with the woman's role and as usual with preachers, he went on and on and on and on, you would think he was talking about a superhuman being that had not yet been created.

When it was time to mention the man's roles after he mentioned about two things, the man ran out of points!
I was amazed, but I felt, well, maybe the weight the man's roles outweighs that of the woman.

But the man did not stop there, he then said if the man is not be able to perform these roles for one reason or the other the woman should take up the responsibility respectfully without grumbling.

I wanted to scream 'Do you want to kill her'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the respect for the gathering of the brethren that kept me down, if it was a secular gathering I would have screamed and damned  the consequence of being called all sorts of names.

Emperoh:
There is really a problem.
Paedophilia is becoming a very big re-occuring issue in our society
I have seen it happen in my very before in Festac and the victim's family is currently roasting the dude.

Just like breast cancer and HIV awareness, i think Parents should begin to be aware of the kinda people they ;eave their females kids in their care
Employed mothers and parents are worse off in this angle. . . .these kids are too innocent to realise the impact of these acts
More or less, in the long run, what we should focus greater energy on is creating awareness on the existence of unscruplous elements who take pleasure in defiling toddlers. . . . .for heaven's sake, what happened to Prostitutes if his libido can't hold any longer?
what pleasure is derived from bunking a little baby who hasn't even the faintest idea of what you are doing.

Isn't he even kind hearted as to the cries of the baby victim?
GOSH!! Lord save us on earth!!! I am too angry and saddened to talk.

Uzoo, whatever efforts u are making, you my support!!!

@emperoh

No be today, our society is just hush hush about such  things.

A few mothers (age range 28-35) got together to celebrate the birth of a baby girl to one of them and the conversation drifted to the difficulty of bringing up a female child, all of them had stories to tell about Uncles who attempted to molest them when they were kids.

It is not only a whiteman's desease, mothers be wise and vigilant!!!!! even with your boys!!!!!!!
May God help us.

This is a classic.

Enjoy all that the lady has to offer only to dump her for a 'fresh' chic when it is time for marriage.

How come the sagging brests and false hair are suddenly becoming an issue?

I believe these are mere execuses, this lady has served the purpose for which you hung around her for, it is now time to move on.

Outstrip:
That's the same with many Nigerian marriages in the US but of course they spin it around to say the woman got egotistical after she got a job as a nurse etc. They want their wives to go out there and work 16 hours a day 7 days a week and then they will keep the paycheck. Why can't you be a nurse yourself since nursing is so intoxicating to these men. My mom was 45 when she moved to the states and was working as a nurse within a year. So they can go to school and improve their lives. My mom was able to take classes and study for her board exams with 5 children and a husband (a very loving and understanding husband I must say LOL)

@Outsrip

Thank you!
I have often wondered about this issue, but since I do not live in the US, I often wondered if nursing was a no go area for males in the US. I do not understand why this men cannot simply go to Nursing Schools themselves and make money too.

I have a friend who struggled through Nursing school in the US, she studied Mass Com in Naija and was having chalenges understanding some science stuff, she had two children and she was still working to contunue to contribute to the family upkeep.

stillwater:
Like what? Could you name them please?

For the desperation thing, I think the Nigerian society need to take it easy on single ladies.

Gbam!

If the society did not regard being single as a disease and single people without children are treated with the same respect as other people, I bet many ladies would prefer to be single rather than being with men that add no value to their lives.

But discrimination is everywhere even in the Church where the Bible states that it is better to remain single!!!!!
I usually introduce myself stating my name without a 'Mrs', and get treated like trash until my wedding ring is sighted or someone walks by and ask after my son

Please try to call any of these customer service help lines without calling yourself Mrs so so so and see what you'll get.

Who enjoys living in a society as an outcast?-this is the reason irresponsible men still have ladies buzzing around them, the few responsible one may not go round.

One of my goal in life is to teach my daughter how to detect an irresponsible man from one thousand miles and avoid him like a plague, so help me God!

aisha2:
It starts from little things. We train our boys not to take responsibility, the girl is always made over responsible in the house hold. The man grows not to value the female and goes further to blame her for his woes, women in society dont help as they join in blaming women for everything under the sun. A man cheats we find a way to blame his wife, its either she is not giving him sex or she is is scruffy, yet if a woman cheats we crucify her and an never blame the wife, then it graduates, when man makes stupid choices without listening to his wife, we blame her, a man beats his wife we blame her, we say she was nagging, a man steals public funds we balme the wife, it goes on and on

What beats me is how hard it is for the man to take responsibility for his actions and not look for someone to blame.
I have counselled men who lost their jobs due to negligence and they never accept they messed up.

McDoe:
Because behind every achievement of man, there is a woman; therefore every misfortune that befell a man, there is a woman also.

How many families celebrate the wife when the husband is successful in Nigeria? Is that not the time for the husband to run  after all the sophisticated ladies in town with the inlaws telling the wife to relax and take care of her children.
They are quick to remind you how their brother suffered for the money and why he should be left alone to enjoy the fruit of his labour.

Even if you are a major contributor to the man's success, they fail to accept it and start reminding their son that it is God that lifts up a man, trying to play down any role you might have played.

Ladies are damned if they go to school and get an education so they support themselvescalled bitches and are damned if they rely on you mencalled gold-diggers

When can we win here?


How so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An intelligent and successful single lady has a lot of bitterness coming her way, she is a constant reminder of how a failure the man is (for a man who wants to see it that way) she will have to be extra soft and extra quite for her not to be called a bitch, come to think about it, even her quietness would be regarded as arrogance!

From my experience in the office, guys like and are more comfortable with women who depend on them to deliver (although they are quick to call them dullards behind their backs)  more than those who know what to do and go ahead to do it.

ichibanman:
You again! You wan buy the whole area come become area fada

I now understand the meaning of the name Ajileko (One who builds with stealth)

I am still laughing!

yes, its the one in the blue pack though i dont think its been changed but yes it is extremely scarce, had to wait for abt 4mths before getting it here in naija, at a point i even tried to order it on ebay but cldnt but i think u shld be able to order it, its actually not so expensive but its sold for N3500 here


@Vijay,

Where can I get it (Visibly even) in Naija?

Ceily:
Lol. Some men are like that, not only in Africa, here in Europe, too. In an earlier posting I told about my grandfather who was an adulterer. My grandmother divorced from him and he had a second wife. The second wife died before him (in my opinion because she had to suffer too much because of my grandfather). So guess what he did as soon his second wife was burried: he called my grandmother asking her if she would marry him again.

The whole family was very amused. My father asked him why he wanted my grandmother back. His answer was: because she has a driving license.

But people are different, men and women, black and whites. There are childish self-centered people, and there are responsible serious people everywhere. If my husband would die before me I would miss him because he is part of me. And I hope that I am part of him, too.

Bye,
Ceily

He actualy said that? God have mercy!!!!!!1

Poster,

They are nice, thanks for posting them. now I know I do not have monitor air fare to buy tickets for my kids to go for summer abroad every year before they can enjoy these things, I can simply take them to Calabar for the weekend.

Ceily:
You mean that the widower do not follow because he is missing his wife but because he do not want to do the laundry alone ?

Kind regards,
Ceily

Oh yes, he misses her alright. the laundry, meals (special ones if he is diabetic ot hypertensive), nursing(if he is on medication), what do you think they mean when they say they miss their wives? Romance?

The baby is said to be in the stomach not the womb!

Ceily:
An interesting fact: in average a unmarried woman lives a few years longer than a married woman. In contradiction a married man lives longer than a unmarried man. Indeed there still seems to be a unbalanced situation between what a woman has to carry and what a man has to carry in their lives (no matter which colour one's skin has ).

*Tschuess*,
Ceily

An interesting fact indeed, among the elderly in Nigeria , people prefer the man to die before the wife because in cases where the wife died before the man , the man soon followed, especially if he is not rich enough to attract the attention of another woman.

Almondjoy,

As much as I hate the way many women are treated in Nigerian marriages (am not comparing with another as I do not consider myself knowledgable about how the Whites handle marriage except for what i see on TV), I believe that endurance is needed in marriage,  Not every offense  or maltreatment requires you to call the lawyers.

I have heard of many terrible marriages that turned around, It is just that in many of those cases, the huband looses his money/income and the wife suddenly becomes his all in all as there is no money to spend on other women.

But some turn around are genuine, the wife/husband (mostly the husband, cos the husband for don waka since if na the woman dey mess up) suddenly realises his folly and things begin to fall in line, if the woman had let at the first provocation, there will be no chance for this, that is why many Nigerian women try to hold on, hoping theirs too would be one of the few happy ending stories

@Poster,

I hope you husband is trim and healthy, with no extra bag of fat around his waist?
It would be sad for him to expect you to do crack you mind about this while he carries his own with pride.

@Poster,

My son does this too but I have been told it is only when I am around.
I paid a special to the school to discuss this and the teacher told me the same thing.

Once he sees me when I get back from work he starts to throw things and punch his nanny.

Has he always been with you?, this may be the reason and he may need some time to adjust to the school environment .

You will have to remain calm and be patient with him and if you beleive in God, tell Him the situation is bothering you and that you need His help!

jess:
That's a good issue you raised, Quiet. There's been so much emphasis on female virgins and none on male ones. The world is just used to crucifying the females. Why would a man who has had sex before want to marry a virgin. Do you know what i think? Those guys who fall into this group are just being hypocrites. The Bible says that our bodiy is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It didn't say only female bodies. The problem in our society is that male virgins are regarded as being weak.
My advice to all guys is that they shouldn't bring curses on their spouses by keeping their bodies for heir wifes too. Most of the problems faced by some cou[les are a result of the sexual excapades of the man before he got married. That's what i think.

.


God bless you for this.
These sexually super active men start to look for virgins when they want to get married, only for them to frustrate the poor girl to death when she cannot meet up with their perversions and blame her for their extramarital affairs.

It would make sense for such men to marry ladies like them who will give them fire for fire and leave virgins to marry virgins who would learn the whole process together and be satisfied with one another.

mekoyo:
There a lot of virgin men. Its just most of the ladies love to believe lies, they love the sweet talking guys who are just there to decieve them. Its so bad!!!

How true.

Poster,

Have they been able to find out why the father inlaw could not make it to the introduction?
Good and God fearing inlaws are a good support for a marriage.

sweetbee:
@ shinatu ; what a shame. so is d xtian lady still with him

I think she wanted to leave at one time and my Uncle had to look for some Family members to calm things down.
I asked some of the family members then what they were going to say when they got there since their son(my Uncle) had apparently messed up? But this is Nigeria, a man can never mess up,the woman must be responsible somehow and must be ready to endure.!

vezycash:
I love bankers. The control all this money and can't spend em. ha ha ha.
sorry guys I'm just pissed up @ my dad for wasting a better part of his life working for UBA i totaly hate that bank.
in my growing years, I only saw him (sometimes) on sundays cos he comes home by 1pm and leaves by 4 in the morning.
b4 he retired from the STUPID bank as a manager, they have him one tokumbo official car.

when small boiz in technology firms are getting brand new cars, houses,

don't waste your life like my da* with these banks if you can, setup your wife (if married) and invest in one side biz regularly if not,
you'll endup riding KEKE marua like one of my dad's colleagues. My dad is laughing at the guy butt,

if not that my mum was kinda stubborn and refused to stay at home idle and started her own business, we would have been WORSE.

"invest no matter how hard and you can sack your bank EARLY."

@vezycash,

I am so proud of your Mum, I bet she was not very popular with you guys back then with her 'stubborness' but the stubborness has lifted some stress off the family.

Fhemmmy:
They just telling you what they think might make u fall fast.

Right!

My Uncle did it when he wanted a relationship with a Christian girl(he is a Muslim), so that the girl would not think she was commiting adultry, since there is a part of the Bible that says a man could put away his wife for infidelity.

The girl saw the other woman as a LovePeddler, she did not bother to confirm the story (they were all living in the same town) and married my Uncle.

My Uncle is on his third wife now. I wonder what he told the newest wife about the second wife?

ifunayam:
To Dr. Ferlie & Mr. Shinatu many thanks to you, for helping the needy in this regard, May your efforts be crowned with great rewards. Amen
and to others who have given their input too to making this thread worth-while thanks a bunch.

@ Dr. Ferlie and Mr. Shinatu,
Pls what chances do graduates of International Relations have in the Oil & Gas Industry?

Ifunayam,

This is a thread for Drillers but let me try and answer you quickly before the drillers catch us at it.

Oil and Gas business is big business, anyone can work there. there is even a separate department that handles all government/Community relations etc , so you have a  chance. you can also work in HR!

Engineering (Petroleum  )is core business though, you find Engineers in charge of some other aspect of the business,like Security, HR,IT,Planning,