₦airaland Forum

Outstrip:
My apologies sinatu

guess something happened while I was away?

@Poster

Please tell your friend to try and get money and  come to Nigeria.
Let her dutifully move back to her husband house with the children, register the children in any School
of their Father's choice, one that he can afford and if he cannot afford any, let the children be at home
while she tries to look for a job, if her husband was not able to get a job for 5years, she may be able to get
in one week. when food runs out,they can actually ask family members for help, all those who have been asking her husband why the wife would abandon him in Nigeria and be 'enjoying' abroad can render a helping hand.

For clothes, the cousins would be kind enough to pass some of thier stuff to them.

The children can even be shared among  the relatives, one can live with the Uncle, another one with the cousin etc (afterall she is trying to save the marriage for their sake)

I am sure it  will not get to this stage before the man will ask her to pack her things and go back abroad, the same ego that made him ask her to come back is the same one that will not allow him continue to see his children looking uncared for be before neighbours and family.

Tayo-D:
@topic,

I read through the poster's first submission and scanned through the responses. One thing that seems to jump out at me from all the responses is the fact that many refer to the poster's experience as funny.

Is it just me or does anybody else notice how the poster cannot even construct a good sentence and write them appropriately? To make the issue worse, this is supposed to be a graduate who has served out his term in the NYSC. Is this the quality of graduates we are now churning out in our universities?

Someone should please help me here. Why don't I find this funny at all?

One or two persons already mentioned the grammer issue and from the way many of the responses are contructed one would see that those who are responding to this post (most of them at least) are very much capable of identifying bad grammer when they see one, they have just chosen to ignore that and focus on the main purpose of the post ,that is how they have been able to find this thread funny and they are apparently having a nice time.Maybe you should do the same, not only on this thread but with life generally.

Fogman:
@ Poster, the airline with the cheapest ticket, to my knowledge is Turkish Airline. I believe their fare is far cheaper than N80,000. Confirm

Really? far cheaper than 80K? fear dey catch me for that one.

c. what type of products do you shop for when you are abroad?


Children's stuff.

Clothes, Carseats, Diapers, 98% of my shopping in the last three years has been on kid's stuff. I suggest you have a look out Children's Place.

There are also many things (those nice and simple home and office furniture) I see in Argos that I would very much love to have, but I guess your focus is the U.S., you could try out IKEA.

teenyyinka:
THE AIRLINE that HAS THE CHEAPEST FARE TO LONDON IS AFRIQIYAH AIRWAYS, IS ABOUT 85,000 NAIRA BUT IS SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY OF SEAT.
please CALL THIS NUMBERS FOR FURTHER UPDATE 08062329734 AND 08022555550

That is true, and I do not think the Lagos-London fare is specified on the internet, so you may search forever

Waht does an Engineer in the British army do?
Is he at the war front or at the base carrying out engineering work?

Have you invesigated the kind of job available for you in Nigeria and are you satisfied with
them?


Answers to these questions and more would aid you in making a decision

@seeliat

One question-Are you prepared to live the rest of your life this way?
If the answer is 'Yes' then please go ahead with this guy but if the answer is 'No' then
please stay away from him.

All the people advising you to stay with him are the ones that will tell you later when there are issues that you should keep your mouth shut since you must have seen the signals before marrying him!

Most women in Nigeria live for thier children actually.

You see them later in thier lives galivanting from London to NewYork to Canada on holidays or to take care of thier grandchildren, very ready to leave the husband at home with the house help,to do as he pleases. Unfortunately for him
even the house girl would not have him in his state.Some men come up with all kinds of ailment in old age either due to old age or careless living when they were younger and expect the wife to sit down and be packing poo and urine.

Where are all the girls that accompanied him to Abuja,Paris and London on business trips and stayed in 5 star hotels that the wife never experienced?


The poor woman sits in her matrimonial home, takes all that she needs to take and like many people have already said, moves on when the time comes.

So you see, Nigerian women are not as silly as we think!

@smlafolabi

Shinatu:
@Poster

Anything on Ladoke Akintola University?

Why did you not answer my question?

JODELL:
We are only in the eastern part of the country.
Thanks Shinatu

Yes I know, that is why I asked the Poster.

@Poster

Anything on Ladoke Akintola University?

If I remember correctly, there was once a thread on the country with the most beautiful women and the responses were very much different from the ones I am seeing here.

Am I missing something?

Maybe we should just stop sending our female children to School like in the time of old, or we should choose the type of courses they actualy study.You cannot go to school, invest almost half of your life in developing yourself even to the point of  graduating tops in your class leaving majority of your male classmates behind
and you are told you cannot make use of that developed brain because you are A female, so you have to pick up a partime job.


I am glad that someone already mentioned how far househelp recruitment has developed in Nigeria, there are agents who make sure they are paid well,some of these agents are lawyers who do not handle underaged personnel. I  confess that I have heard horrible stories of the activities of househelps though.

I have been lucky in that the girl staying with me is from my Church, the parents could not enroll her for her exams 9the Father had a stroke some years back), she learnt I was looking for a house help and approached me. By the grace of God, she will be leaving for the University next month and we (the girl inclusive because she is very much concerned about me getting a good person) are already looking for another person. I pray that God will lead me to another person like her, a life that will be a blessing to me that I can also be a great blessing to.

kokoye:
How do you expect a father to feel comfortable leaving the child with the mother who can gossip away on the phone and forget she ever had a kid?

Haba kokoye, We all know how this Football dey catch you people now! gossip no dey do us like that

michelin89:
From the title alone I can say the poster is a duuudeeee.

1. "Driven by his wife to murderous intents, " : this is clearly a duuude speaking. Oh poor man. He was so nice and naive and never in his life had he thought of even harming a fly. But then there came the woman. The deceiver. The responsible for the expulsion from Eden and the fall of man. She, allied with the devil, planned to put her husband into shame. To deprive him of his home, of his children and of his freedom. A man who could grasp a knife and even dare point it to his children must have really been pushed to the limit. There is no way he alone could have thought of such an awful act. He was just the victim of a perfect plan architected by the devil.

2. Yes the devil. Ohh Lucifer, thou left thy comfortable throne of hell to sneak onto the earth and play once more with the heart of man. Unto his wife you breathe your spirit conceited of perfect evil and the taste of destruction. You know the heart of women as it is you who have from adam tamed it to be at your service. Poor man! Poor god on earth. He has fallen from his throne and we at the altar we seek justice against that Jezebel.

Oh fallen god, with thine bleeding heart, forgive thou the sinner as she didn't know what she was doing to thee.

I had to laugh when I read this, I admire your skills. but men will not like you o, you too sabi!


Seriously it beats me how someone would justify this horrible thing act.
The things women are accused of making men do, all women must be witches who go to the coven to manipulate the minds of men!

I understand how your wife feels, I must confess I would do the same thing.
The first time I left my son alone with the Dad, I think I called about two times before I told myself to stop it.
I got back to the house to find the two of them in the bath tub having fun!.i am sure the guy had more fun that day than he had ever had with me.

It is just that at a particular age babies can be difficult to manage, I was washing my face in the bathroom one day only to open my eyes to find my son chewing bathing soap like chewing gum! How do you expect me to feel comfortable  leaving him alone with the Dad who can watch football and forget he ever had a kid?

Seun:
There is nothing I have done in the last 8 years that my family hasn't rejected, so I won't give a damn.

Seun-
Why do you not give a damn? is it because you believe they have been wrong because you think the last 8 years of your life have been a tremendious all round success or you simply beleive you should  live your own life?

If you are a parent and has invested much of your life in your child, would you be happy to see her get married to someone with the above mentioned qualities ?(i.e if they are true).

Please if your parents or siblings object to your choice of marriage, please, please I beg you, take a pause and rethink, they may not be right but at least think about it.



So what if his job exposes him to women, it's how HE handles it. Goodness,

How many men in history have been able to 'handle' the exposure to women?

The issue is that many men (at least in Africa) are not taught to do any other thing in the family apart from providing money for the family's upkeep.The woman will endure most of her husband's short comings as long as her children are  being taken care of financially. but once he is not able to do that anymore, she does not see the reason to continue to take all the 'shit' because the man becomes useless to her.

A way out is for men to seize to be mere meal tickets, they should get involved in some of the activities in the home and be supportive to their spouses so that the woman sees you as a backbone that she cannot do without with or without a pay check!

Going through this thread some thoughts come to my mind.

In this part of the world (that's the only sector of the globe I know very well)

Must a man exercise his 'authority' before he becomes a man?
Must there be a woman to 'control' or lord things over before a man feels like a man?

Why cant a man just be a man and be satisfied with and enjoy being a man without having to control a memeber of the 'weaker sex' to be a man?

Na wa o! we are always ready to tear Nigeria apart for all evils.
It does not only happen in Nigeria, I saw something on Larry king live once (this year)about the leader of a religious movement in the U.S who married a 12 year old or something

This is not the first time I will hear this kind of story-------My sister hates me because I am married and she is unmarried or Men come to ask after me and she is frustrated because nobody looks at her .

Not that I do not beleive she can be jealous, but I trust that an adult will be able to manage her jealousy well and not make it obvious to all that jealousy is eating her up.

Most ladies I know who find themselves in this situation even become more accepting (even if they are planning to harm you in private) because they do not want people to say they are jealous.


It is God that sees the heat of all men,so leave it to Him, He knows all that happened between the two of you.

You look cool in your braids I must say, it looks neat and well kept not some dirty looking ones you see around in the name of fashion.However I understand your Dad's feelings.


Come to think about it, is it only in Nigeria that we regard males with braid as irresponsible?, what could happen if Obama turned up for his next public debate (assuming there is one)  with braids on?, just wondering

Joseph6:
house boi, d lady is just being a classless and adulterous bitch who knows what next the dustbin man! mail man! plumber ! but house boi?, that babe is cheap!

My sentiments exactly, men that sleep with thier house girls are exactly this, classless and cheap!

Pastor? for what?

To make false the word of God?

This is not a deliverance case. we hide behind the devil to commit many atrocities.the only thing the Pastor can do is to preach the word.

Let no one say when he is tempted "I am tempted by God" for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he Himself tempt anyone.But each one is tempted by his own desire and enticed. James 1:13-14

We all have our weaknesses but let us not pass the blame, when we mess up let us say we have messed up and consciously do something about it if we really want to.

I so much believe in the principle of reaping what you sow.
A  fifty someting year old leaving his wife and kids for a twenty something?

The same thing he left his wife for is what the present wife is looking for, who no like beta thing!

@Poster, Please stay away from this mess, let the two of them handle each other, they are both in the business of using people so they should understand each other's language

The only people I pity are the kids, may God make them to come out well.

A lesson for all of us, we cannot eat our cake and have it, decisions have consequences!

I saw this in The Punch and I could not agree more.It is just one of the several things that Nigerian women endure!





Monday, October 13, 2008 Printer Friendly Version

Large percentage of Nigerian men are 'marital criminals' - Investigation
By Our Correspondent

In Nigeria, cases of legally married men who travel abroad and get legally married to white women to obtain residence permit abound.


In most cases, the Nigerian wife does not know that her husband has married again. Many who get to know usually do no more than quarrel with the men and later make up.
If Nigerian women are keen on suing husbands who contract any other marriage(s) after marrying them legally, a large number of Nigerian men would have been sentenced to terms of imprisonment, an investigation has shown.
This conclusion was a result of findings drawn from the responses of the experts on marriage law, including the Executive Director of the Women Advocates Research and Documentation Centre, Mrs. Abiola Afolabi-Akiyode; the 2nd Vice President of the Nigerian Bar Association, Mr. Adekunle Ojo; a renowned legal practitioner, Dr. Tunji Abayomi; a United Kingdom-based Mr. Ekene Odum and the Director-General of a non-governmental organisation, Advocacy for Democratic Dividends International, Chief Sola Ojeriakhi, who spoke with our correspondent on the law governing the statutory marriage and its implications.
These experts agreed that many Nigerian men treat their marriages with levity by contracting other forms of marriages, either as a result of ignorance of what the law says, or because they are taking refuge in the indigenous culture which frowns at a wife dragging her husband to court.
According to Afolabi-Akiyode, "Most Nigerians have apathy for settling disputes in court and would only resort to the court if they do not have any alternative.
"Women face other problems which include family and societal pressure and financial limitation in instituting actions in court. The society is receptive to polygamy.
"The only instance where a woman sued her husband in the case of R. vs Princewill, the judge was reluctant to apply the provisions of the law. The judge sentenced the husband to not more than seven months imprisonment, instead of the stipulated seven years imprisonment provide for in the Criminal Code and the Marriage Act."
"If these limitations are not there, a large number of men will be liable to be charged for bigamy in Nigeria and they risk seven years imprisonment."
Odum, Abayomi and Ojeriakhi and Ojo also agreed that many Nigerian men had escaped being sentenced to seven years imprisonment for bigamy because of cultural restraint on women which discouraged them from suing their erring husbands.
On what constitutes a bigamy, Ojo said "Any act of contracting other form of marriage after validly contracting statutory marriage (otherwise known as court marriages), constitutes the offence of bigamy.
On whether a couple can contract both customary and statutory marriage, Afolabi-Akiyode said "it is common practice for parties in Nigeria who intend to contact a statutory marriage to marry first under customary law before the solemnisation the statutory marriage.
"This practice may be explained by the fact that though western civilisation and western culture have infused into the Nigeria society, most people, even the most sophisticated most understandably regarded themselves as bound by the customary law of their place of origin.
"The Nigerian Marriage Act has given validity to this practice by enabling persons who are married under customary law to marry each other under the statute."
The learned author of a legal treatise, Family Law in Nigeria, Prof. E. I. Nwogugu, said, "The correct legal position is that parties married under the Marriage Act are entitled only to the rights and obligations of that system.
"Whatever customary-law rights they have from the previous customary-law marriage are superseded, matrimonial reliefs are only to be sought in respect of acts and events which took place after the celebration of the subsequent statutory marriage.
The experts agree that statutory marriage have many advantages over the customary and other forms of marriage.
Customary or Islamic marriages gave men right to marry more than one wife, but statutory marriage forbids either of the partner to contract another marriages, thus preserving the sanctity of one man one wife.
Commenting on this, Afolabi-Akiyode said, "The mere fact that at any given moment, the husband of a customary marriage has just one wife at a particular time does not mean he cannot marry more wives.
"Most women are not comfortable with this kind of arrangement. They would want to have access to their men at any point in time and would not want to share her husband's love and attention with any woman."
The rights and obligations of the spouses are spelt out by law under the statutory marriages.
For instance, what a wife will inherit if the husband dies in testate (without a Will) of the spouse. Although the customary marriage also have unwritten rights and obligations but they are in many cases difficult to enforce.
To this end, where the husband of a statutory marriage dies without righting a Will, the laws of the different states - Laws of Administration Property provide for certain percentage to be granted to the wife, whether or not there are existing issue in such a union.
Another advantage of the statutory marriage over customary marriage, according to the experts' is that the spouses of a statutory marriage can not be compelled by the court of law to testify against the each other.
That is to say the wife can not be summonsed by the court to testify against the husband and vice versa, whereas the spouse in customary law marriage can be compelled to testify against each other.
The reason for this is because the law regards the husband and wife of a statutory marriage to be one.
In addition, if a persons aids or assist another person to escape punishment for a crime, the person becomes an accessory and liable to be tried for an offence. But under the law, a woman who contracted a statutory marriage is insulated from this kind of liability.
That is to say a woman does not become an accessory to the fact by helping or assisting her husband to escape punishment for a crime.
Customary law does not provide any remedies for the breach of promise to marry, but the law governing statutory marriage recognises breach of promise of marriage as a civil wrong and the aggrieved party can sue for damages.

The name sounds very familiar.
Was she in Unilag Faculty of Science ?, but then that was a long time ago!