₦airaland Forum

@Chykeo


''If on the other hand, the husband is a useless spender like you said, the woman is more of a prudent wife, then she should not give him her earnings and begin to take care of the family.

Let me quickly add here that good homes and families are made more by the women. So each case should be treated on its own merit. ''




What is then the responsibility of the man?

Take whatever the man has to offer.
His shouting spree is a stategy to intimidate you.
You are lucky you have a law that can support you.

Many of the Nigerian women that have been mentioned struggle to take bring up kids only to die of one ailment or the other when it is time to enjoy the fruit of their labour after exposing themselves to too much hardship, in your own case where the child is female, the mother struggles only for her to start to look for the father to come and collect 'bride price' when the daughter is ready to get married because it will never be given to someone else as long as the father is alive.

Many women out of pride say 'to hell with you' to the father of their children and go through hell to bring the kids up, only for the kids to 'discover' the dad later and think he is the best thing that ever happened to them.

@bolarge and Jumoke 90,

Kudos to you guys! I was struggling with the song a few days ago(it's been over 2 decades!) but I can see I
did not too badly, I got about 80% of it right.

Kingssmart, Thank you for that brief analysis.

As it is now, it takes about 15years to get back money spent in buliding a house, the nice thing is that depending on the location the value of the house itself appreciates.

Preventing Lanlords from collecting lump sum rent in a place like Lagos will lead to increased rent as many potential commercial lanldords will either build and demand high monthly payment or find something better/more rewarding to do with their money, so where does that leave us?

@Poster

Her hesitation to file for divorce may have nothing to do with her still loving you if you guys live in Nigeria.
She may just be afraid of living as a divorcee in this condenming society.(especially for women)
The man can do anything and just 'move on'

This is just one of the many ordeals Nigerian women go through to stay in marriage!

I agree with the Poster, I find the video very nauseating.

However as someone rightly mentioned the Makosa era in Nigeria was a terrible time.
I gathered that a lot of rape took place at a Makosa show in Lagos at one time.
Is Makosa from the Western world? Is it not African?

So what are the all pure and pleasant African tradition we are talking about?

@Elliptical.

You are very right they just denied you the opportunity of enjoying a good movie!

But wait a minute how could they ever pass across all those heavy Ibadan accents in English?

I do not think anyone who does not understand Yoruba would fully enjoy that movie, I do not bother to
tell my non Yoruba friends to watch it.

What makes the Part 1 hilarious is the way Sulia struggled to get along with her accent, every new word she attempted to pronounce made me burst out in Laughter.

I do not normally watch films because I hardly have the time but I had fun with Jennifer and I intend to see it again.


About the message, the message is very clear and necessary  for this generation.

I attended Unilag years back and I can give you examples of lives that were ruined because they wanted to belong!
A girl was caught for drug trafficking on her way to London and her parents had no clue where she was.


Girls from modest backgrounds wore the skimpest of things in School because they wanted to be seen as Sophisticated.
That was the way they understood Sophistication.They detested anything that reminded them of where they came from.

Do you guys who have watched the movie (I do not know if I can call it that, those with Ph D in Film making should  please pardon me) remember the most aggressive of  Jennifer's friends? she was not even a bonafide student of the school! It happens for real, they buy bed spaces at ridiculous prices and turn the Hostels to something else.


I think Funke Akindele has done a great job and I would give her an award if I could.

The last time I checked their website, i.e a couple of days ago after reading about the fare slash in the papers
Lagos -Warri was 18K it used to be about 20-22K.
I guess this is not one of their target routes .

you mean the wife might have told them? Even if she happened to accidentally mention it in the course of conversation, it doesnt mean they should start putting mouth in other people's matter. Unless she asked them for money.


The wife does not have to tell them anything.
People can tell when a man is jobless.

What her inlaws are doing is the same thing mother inlaws (huband's mum)are good at.
They believe they have invested so much on their child that they do not want someone to be a burden on him/her, because it will definitely affect his/her responsibilities towards them.

ChinenyeN & zaragoza

Thank you for your depth on this issue.

People who say you cannot love someone you are not compatible with are also soooooooooo right.

It simply means many of these things we call love is far from love.

How long can someone carry the burden of living with someone whose values are completely different from yours?

All the giz giz you felt when you met the person will fly away in a matter of years when he/she starts to irritate you with his/her way of life and decisions.

It is even tougher for a woman, who is expected to subject her will to the husband, so you end up subjecting yourself to a kind of life you never wanted to live.

What I would tell the poster to do is to check the areas where there is incompatibility in her relationship, how important is that aspect of life to you? if it is very important, I beg move forward.


About the virginity stuff, It is true that many guys would want a virgin but do not have what it takes to be with one, because many moral issues have been directed to the female gender for years, men have been allowed to roam and many have developed sexual appetite and taste that a virgin may not be able to handle, some have even become perverts, so it becomes a problem after marrigae, a virgin will naturally need sometime to flow sexually, so this guys may end up having extramarital affairs if he is the type that lacks discipline and has never learnt to put his body under control.

My advice to girls who have kept themselves is that they should also look out for guys who have exercised control and are disciplined. Let the two of you discover all that you need to discover together!

Another reason may be the fact that in many years back it did not take much to have a daughter, women were not trained.
A son's education was of higher priority than a daughter's except there was surplus fund.
So there was not much relatively investmented in a girl's life, there was not much quality attached to her life so
her husband could turn her to a punching bag, cheat on her and nobody would raise an eyebrow, she was created for that and she should be able to manage the situation.

Nowadays a father invests physically and emotionally in thier children's lives both male and Female, this attaches some deserved quality to a girl's life and gives the girl a sense of worth, so if she is married to someone who does not regard her in that manner, wahala dey.

The community is not powerless, I am sure Addax would not want to be on the bad side of the community.
They can make it a good thing for themselves if they are not selfish.
Let them come together and tell Addax the projects they want for the development of their community.

They should tie a community benefit (Schools, hospitals, roads )to every stage of Addax exploration and Production.

No oil company takes the community for granted anymore, it is internationally frowned at, and would affect
the company's PR.

What happened in the Niger delta is that some elders/topshot  who said they were representing the community became super rich while the rest of the community lived in penury.

The youth later took over but they do exactly what the elders did.

Please do not take this lightly, this is how many hard core Lesbians started.
It has been happening for years, especially in all girls Schools, girls would be dancing
and be smooching each other,sharing beds in the dormitory.

Senior ones are quick to initiate the new ones, the cycle continues.
When these girls leave School, they look around for like minds to continue their acts
with and later declare that they are Lesbians because God created them so!

This topic is quite an interesting one.

I remember the 'Lagos girl'I met in my first year in Unilag, I was from Ibadan at that time.
She laughed at every Yoruba word I spoke because it was different from the
usual 'funky eko' Yoruba.

It did not bother her that the main reason I was speaking Yoruba to her in the first place was becuase she could not
make a single sentence in English (only), she was comfortable with the mixed funkinized lagos Yoruba and anyone who would not speak like that was an 'ara oko.

JJYOU:
there is no better beauty than that of an extra ordinary nice and elegant lady.

1 Peter 3:3-4 (New Living Translation)

3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.

4 [size=14pt]You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. [/size]

and can i add precious to man too.

and can I add precious to woman too!

I find it hard to believe that these women just hate these ladies and want them out for no reason

It could be that you have an attitude, you may have smartly made sure that the woman cannot particularly say you have done anything or said anything wrong but you may not be ready to be humble.

As someone said it is her home and there cannot be two captains in the same ship, it is either you have an humble spirit
which shows in your attitude to her (not that you should worship her, only God is worthy of our worship) or simply move out since there are other places you can stay.

"A man can feed and clothe a woman for 1000 years without complaining for one day"

I am yet to meet this man, but anyone who has done so should please share his/her experience



Forget the chores. How many women in those days in Nigeria carry out household chores if I may ask?. It's either the maids that do it or the children are grown enough to take care of their shit while the man is toiling day and night to bring home the bacon. Most women in Nigeria sit idle all day, gossiping and farting in their sofa while their maids take care of business at home. What is the big deal about household chores anyway?

I find these claims funny, I live in Nigeria and I am beginning to wonder what % of Nigerian homes are run by house girls,. The whole process of getting the house girl is an ordeal on it's own.



Regarding the issue of female managers or bosses, any woman would tell you that it is harder for a woman to work her way to the top. You will always have people who will try to undermine her, patronise her, make her job difficult. A great many successful women find that in other to break the glass ceiling, they had to become hard nosed bitches to be taken seriously and survive in a male dominated role. Often, male workers resent a female boss.The sad thing is so do other female workers and they all resent being "bossed about" by a woman. And yes, female bosses tend to be harder and more difficult than their male counterparts, but often, they are this way because they feel that they might not be taken seriously if they do not crack the whip.


How true. now the truth is being told!

I work in a male dominated industry and I know what it is to be looked down on.Many men in the same situation cannot see what happens simply because they are not affected.

We went on a course in my office sometime last year and when it was time for the tea break I went to the Pantry to be served as we usually do. I had to insist on being served because the girl who was to served me rudely told me the tea break time was over, I tried to explain to her that it did not depend on me  that  I had to wait till the training facilitator called for a tea break but she would still not bulge,I had to go ahead to serve myself with what I could get on the tea tray.

My male colleague was just about to go get his own coffee when I got back to class and wanted to change his mind when I told him what happened but I told him that from my 8years experience in that industry, that the girl would jump up immediately she saw him and say 'yes sir'.

He was dazed when he got back to class, he said it happened exactly as I said, that the girl got up immediately she saw him that it was after the girl had served him his coffee that she politely with a smile said Ha oga the tea break is over sha o' that was when my other female colleague joined me and we told him all we go through, from drivers who will 'yes sir' even our most Junior male colleagues and have no respect for you since in his own thinking your position in the company cannot be higher than the man's own since you are a woman or is it the utility guys who come to the office and do not bother to greet you but turn to your male colleague sharing the same office with you and say 'Goodday sir'? some would even bow slightly.

I have only worked in Nigeria but I so I do not really know what is obtainable in other part of the world but I have a female colleague who worked as an Engineer with BT and I could not believe some of her own experiences when she shared them with me.

@chisomquee


What's up?
Your first post on this thread needs some explanation.
I have tried to understand it in line with the subject being discussed but I am sorry I  don't .

"Keyusa.

You care about the lady and the baby (even if it is just a little), that is where you want to make sure you give the information and advice you have.
If you did not care you would not have bothered with this post at all, so thanks for caring!, we will continue to be our 'brother's keeper'

I find it hard to believe that someone would be a Minister of Information in this country and would not have to cover up for the Federal Government.

They might have put her there because of the trust she has been able to get from the masses from the time spent in NAFDAC, thinking that if Dora tells Nigerians a thing, they would believe.

That ministry will erode that trust in seconds!

ajileko:
@Shinatu
You are very wrong. Hospitals here in the States do ask for proof of residency/citizenship, income, current address if you don't have medical insurance before you can be treated. Unless of course you are unconscious or in a bad shape. So don't confuse people with your statements about no hospital do this, no hospital do that. And yes, hospital will release your financial information to the INS if you received public aid while in the States

@Ajileko
I am really getting confused , I had to go back to my posts to see  where I mentioned anything contrary to what you have said here, are you sure you are not holding me responsible for the statements in other people's posts which I inserted as quotes in my posts? If I remember correctly, it iwas Sweet T who mentioned one or two things (according to her) that hospitals will never do. I stated that making use of Medicaid and not paying your hospital bill may affect your records with immigration and prevent you from getting your US visa renewed(in Nigeria). Sweet T says no hospital will release your financial record to anybody so what I am saying can never happen.


@Keyusa

kayusa:
I hope the lady listen to you Hauwa but if she refuse to listen it's all on her and I hope she will have the nerves to tell her baby someday that she has to cheat the government by using someone else identity to pay for the baby's medical bill.It is much better for you to give birth in the UK where you are legal than come here and find out the hard way.medical bills in America is a big issue but alot of naijas won't tell you the truth but whatever you want to do it's all on you.

kayusa:
Thanks Ajileko,
Let her believe whatever she want to believe.I really don't give a heck about you or your problem.I will only say what I know it does not matter if you agree with me or not I reside in the states and I work for the federal government.I am not ready to go into details of how my bill was 20K you have all year round to figure that out.it's all on you but know that this is America and not England.You need to have an insurance to pay and it will cost you allot as a foreigner that is the bottom line[b] nobody is saying you are going to use someone else identity you should have read through the lines if you don't use glasses the only reason [/b] why i said that is because alot of Nigerians come here and don't tell people the truth but you will find out when you come here and probably you may have the nerves to tell the baby the truth someday.
Good luck

@Kayusa
Haba! Take it easy.Please tell me, what lady are you refering to in the earlier post? or I need glasses?

@Poster



Swim!

sharpmoves:
KayUsa-Get off your high horse; who said anything about using someone else identity; I had stated that am looking to pay; from information i have gotten here; i have been able to contact some hospitals charging in the region of $5-9K; and is no where near the $20k u r quoting to have paid; of which am assuming was paid by ur insurance; do have a medical insurance here which covers me in the US due to the nature of my job; but maternity is not covered as it is deemed as a pre-existing condition. So am looking to pay for giving birth to my child; and i know that prices vary across different states; hence the reason for the post.

The horse high no be small

Sweet T:
Where did all these people get these false inFormations from?? No hospital in the USA asks for your immigration status before they treat you. Especially when you are about to have a baby. They may ask for your insurance card or co-payment for your insurance, which is about $50-100 depending on the states and the hospital. And if you don't have an insurance, the hospital must treat you and later send the bill to your address some months after. And if you don't pay the bill for about a period of 6 months it is sent to a collection agency. Since you are a foreigner, i don't think you have to worry about a collection agency, pay the minimum amount you can. My advice is for you to go to a county hospital, they cannot refuse you a treatment, it's against the law for them to do that. This is how many mexicans and Canadians deliever their baby or get medical treatment. County hospitals may not be a top of the line hospitals but they still beat the best around the world. Once you have your baby, you can even apply for programs such as WIC and others to help you through post natal stages. But If you come to the USA to have your baby, just tell your family and friends to take you to their local county hospital and you can have your baby there. Every county in the states has one local hospitals that caters to the ones who can't afford private hospitals.


@Shinatu

where did you get such information from?? who told you that?? No hospital in the states will ever release your medical record to a third party without your consent, except it is for a criminal investigations or national security. The hospital risk losing millions if they do such, they can be sued by the patient and be fine by the Government. It is highly against the law to use an information such as medical record or medical bill to deny anyone a job, a medical treatment, immigration benefits (except for normal medical screening at the embassy). Please check your facts before you start misleading folks on such an important topic. NO HOSPITAL(S) WILL EVER USE YOUR MEDICAL RECORD OBTAINED IN THE USA TO DENY YOU BENEFITS, UNLESS IT IS FOR CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION OR NATIONAL SECURITY. It is a civil case if you don't pay your medical bill, not a criminal case.

Who said anything about an hospital denying you benefits because of your medical record?

Ask women in Nigeria  who have recently had babies in the US and who have ever ventured to renew their visas what document  are asked to be seen at the Embassy? Your Hospital bills and receipt!!!!

A pregnant colleague was almost turned back at the airport until she was able to prove that she had enough money to pay her hospital bill , this was her assessment of her experience with immigrations there could have been other reason unknown to her, but come to think of it,what other reasons could immigration have? That was not her first time in the US.

From what I know, visitors are not qualified to take Medicaid and taking it may also put your name on Immigration records.

A friend from Naija took Medicaid and was told at the US Embassy when she went to renew her visa to go pay up her hospital bills.

she tried to do that but the hospital told her they had already collected their money from the authorities.

Yyour own case may be different  since you normally would not apply for a US visa being a British citizen

The only time I fly anything higher than Economy is when I go on business trips, talkless of my family.

Even with the Economy, I'ld still try all airlines for the best bargain!

I am not moved sha, one day one day, I go see wetin dey happen for that First class.

Somebody say 'Amen'?

Maybe this would make African men with an ambition to become public figures to be careful about their lives, not to live careless lives and believe all is well.

They got away with it in the past because our Women are given one million and one reasons to keep evil secrets.
They also keep quite out of shame, I know many women who cannot get the help they need, they cannot open up to tell you their needs because it would make their husbands look bad. The man must be made to always look good, his ego must not be bruised in anyway even if the woman is dying.

I am happy that in this situation the kids have grown and they are adults, let them also imagine how it would feel like to be treated in this manner (assuming all the woman said is true).

Do unto others what you would want them do unto you----a wife is no exception!

@Adam.

Those sophisticated girls you are refering to hardly abort the way you think.
They know enough to take care of themselves in other ways(not that these other ways are problem free anyway)

Many girls who fall victim of abortion are those who 'fall in love' anyhow. The guy may even be a jobless guy who has nothing to offer who is just hanging around for free sex (cannot even pay for a good abortion) promising the girl heaven and earth once things turn around when he is able to finish school and get a job and the girl will be dreaming that one day he would become Prince charming.

The sad thing is that the guy finishes School, gets that job and decide it is time to move up. he goes after another girl that he had been shadowing for years but never had the courage to approach.

Many posters have adviced women, I hope many single ladies are reading!There is a tendency to think your case is different. Many victims at one time thought thier cases were different!

I do not think 3k will do.
Houston is about the cheapest place from all I gather( I may be wrong), and it takes from $5 to 6K for the
Hospital bills alone.


If you have anyone you can stay with around Queens in New YorK let me know I
could give you a contact (Hospital) that will cost about 5-6K too, although I met
someone on the plane once who said she got a hospital in Brooklyn for less.(she
found the hospital on the internet or something)

What?

'Drinking a cab isn't safe in Naija'


What is safe in Nigeria?

I am sweating it out in the Niger Delta, making trips to the Swamp in order to meet my targets
and someone should continue to depend on another person for livelyhood because of his ego?

:oMeeeeeeeeenn!

Our values are sure different !

Compatibility and equal values are good in marriage o, if someone like me should marry someone who dreams of showing off his/her son's designer underwear,o pa ri! no be divorce be that?