₦airaland Forum

izito:
*

In 2016 she told me her salary was #50.000 And then two years later, when she got promoted, I asked about her salary and she said, “Oh these people, don’t mind them. They added only #5000 to my old salary. Because of her meager salary, I’ve taken up so many responsibilities in the house without complaint. I pay for utilities and pay for food. I pay the fees of our two kids, clothe them, and take care of their medical bills. When my wife sends me a grocery list, she adds sanitary pads. She buys dresses and clothes, comes to show them to me, and asks me to pay for them. She started talking about a car when our second child came in. Things weren’t good on my side so I asked her to give me some time. She said, “I’ve saved something. I can add it to what you have so you pay me when your money comes.”

I agreed and took that money from her, topped it up to get her a car. For three months my ears never rest. She would wake up at dawn and ask me to pay what I owed her. I got tired and paid the money when I didn’t have much in my account.

One evening, I turned my laptop on and saw a lot of emails. I checked and it was my wife’s email that had been opened. I asked her, “Did you use my laptop?” She answered, “Yeah I was checking something.” I told her, “Then you didn’t log out.” She answered, “I forgot. Please log out for me.” I was about to log out when something caught my attention. I saw a mail with the subject, “January Payslip.” I opened and started going through. When I saw her gross salary, I was shocked. #400,734? And this girl has been crying poverty?

I went through the details. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was angry. I felt let down. I felt cheated. I felt played. We’ve been married for six good years and my wife earned that much without my knowledge? How much she earned didn’t bother me a lot than what she was using that money for. I decided not to talk immediately but rather do a little bit of investigation.

All my life I’ve held the view that it wasn’t right for anyone to go through their partner’s phone. It’s an invasion of privacy and it breeds mistrust in the relationship but that night, going through her phone was the only way to find out what I was looking for. I started with her best friend. Nothing much was found. Her family had a Whatsapp group. I read the messages there. I got few hints. I went through the chat with her father and that was when I realized my wife had bought a piece of land and had started building. Her father was in charge of the project. He had sent photos of the various stages of the building. At some point, her father said, “Thank you for helping out your brother. He would have been home had it not been you.”

She has only one brother—her senior brother. I went to look for the chat between them. Her senior brother lost his job and was home doing nothing so my wife bought her Hyundai i10 to use for Uber. Every week, her brother rendered an account and they split the money. From all indications, my wife was doing well for herself while she plays poor so she could rely on my salary. Why would she do that? I thought I was being a supportive husband so my wife could be proud of the man she married. When we bought land, it was her name and my name that appeared on the land title. That car I bought for her with a loan from her bears her name. I didn’t mind. I believed what’s hers was also mine. 

The next morning she realized I wasn’t looking well. I was boiling on the inside but looking for a good opportunity to start the conversation. When I calmed down a little, I asked her, “So why would you do that to me?” She asked, “What have I done?” I answered, “You bought land, you never told me. You started building on it, you never told me. When are you going to tell me?” She was shocked. She asked, “Who told you all that?” I said, “Your father did.” She stood quiet for a while. She asked, “Why would my father tell you all that? What were you people talking about” I said, “I don’t know. You can ask him.” 

We left it there. Some minutes later she came to me with her phone: “My father wants to talk to you.” The phone was already on a loudspeaker. His father was clearly angry. He asked, almost shouting, “You said I told you my daughter has a building? Where did I say that and when?” I asked, “Is it not true that my wife has a building project going on that you’re supervising?”  He asked me, “I told you that?” I asked, “Is it true or not?” After the back and forth I told them, “I read your messages last night. I saw the pictures. I read the various budget you had sent to my wife. I read the confirmation of the money receipts that you sent her. You’re a man. Would you be happy if your wife does this to you?” He started fumbling. He started apologizing saying he thought I was aware.”


My wife stood there motionless, didn’t know what to say. When her father hung up, I told her everything I knew, from her salary to the car she bought for her brother. I said, “Yet, even your sanitary pad, I buy them. You think I’m a fool? You’ll use your money to acquire your own properties and live on mine because you’re my wife? I hear. We’ll see.”

Trust was lost. Love was broken. We had to find a new way of living our lives going forward. Her father called me every morning and evening apologizing for everything and sometimes taking up the blame so I didn’t have to blame his daughter. I told him, “The emotional state I’m in right now, it would be hard to think straight or think forgiveness. Just give me space.” Three days later, they were in our house. The father, the mother, and the senior brother. They came to apologize. “Don’t let this break up the beautiful marriage you both have. If nothing at all, consider the kids and be lenient in your judgment.”

I listened to them. My position was still the same. “I need time to clear my mind. Just leave me alone to think.” From last month to this moment that I’m writing this, my wife had changed totally. She doesn’t ask for money but the house is being run smoothly. She has started paying for things she never paid for but that doesn’t move me. She has taught me a very great lesson and I’m taking it seriously. That in everything, I have to look out for myself and my family first. Last she told me, “If you want us to change the names on those properties, we can do so.” Guess whose name is on the property…her father’s name.”

I told her, “You don’t need to change anything. They are yours. You suffered for them so you can decide what you want to do with them.” The land I bought has our names. I’m selling it and take my money back. The car she’s driving has her name. I put a for-sale sticker on it some weeks ago. She agreed she’ll pay for the car. I’ve given her two months to pay up or I sell it and take my money. She’s getting the message and I’m glad. Each one for himself, God for us all. She keeps asking if I’m going to leave her. I keep telling her I won’t but if she wants a divorce, I will gladly give her. I’m not going to leave the marriage. I would give us some time to heal and see what may happen but when it comes to money, I’ve taken the lesson she taught me through her actions. 

*What's your take?*

SarkinYarki:
You live luxury lifestyle with 100k a month? Are you sure you know what you are saying?

rangerover:
She will NEVER meet a nice man like EMMANUEL AGAIN.

Prolificdeman:
I'm currently very close a lady that's much older than. She's a good friend to me, and have been so helpful in my business. I haven't asked her out yet nor demanded sex from her. But she has told me so much about her and both her sexuality. From my observation she talks so much about marriage. But I'm not even ready in the next 3yrs. If you're in my situation, can you date her. I don't want to break anybody's heart, cos she's really a good lady and a wife material from the past 6 months now I have known her.

Let me learn from you all in the comment section. Both insults.

Floxytran:
Okay, I feel led to comment on this topic and give my advice. My advice is very simple and could help the next person that might make this same mistake. Here is my suggestion.
1. Get the offer letter from the new job and make sure you understand it very well, ask questions at every point if you are not clear then ask them to give you time to resign from your present job. Don't be desperate.
2. Since most of them will not be entiely open as in this case, don't resign from your current job rather take a leave from your annual leave, casual leave or any leave available, call in sick for 2 days if you like.
3. Use those days to resume and try out the new job and watch for the red flags. Usually within the first week of your resumption you would have known if you will stay or not.
4. If it's good, go back to resign properly even if it means you might forfeit some things, otherwise go back to your old job peacefully without notifying them.

I have a lot to say and I know there are different cases. I will be glad to help if anyone has further questions.

vybzkartel:
My wife has been wearing my shirts and I hate it it
I have warned her but she is not putting a stop
How do I stop her?

Chii59:
95% of these noise makers are broke and frustrated. African China showed off his house, no one accused him of yahoo yahoo, but this lady showed off a car (which probably cost less than a duplex) and see them frothing at the mouth!

saferoom:
Most people who spend quality time in front of TV dont have quality pockets. It's not me that said it ooo

slawormiir:
Damnnnnn niggarrrr
Isoright....
Marriage na scam
Me personally will not marry

Baby mama sure me die...
Female wahalar too much.....thier non stop dramatic life, complicated life style, attention seeking and always want to be seen as babies till the end of time..they always want you to listen to them, you give them incessant compliments..they manipulate, coax and hypnotize you! people that behave like angels outside..in public...but are like devils at home

God has already fuckkked me up with six women
Five female siblings and my mother

So I won't add a wife to it

"They pulled me over, and flogged the hell outta me with wire simply because I’m a Nigerian o" Omo

When are we going to be free from all this na pic.twitter.com/4w4Ymmznb1

— Iyalode Of Lagos #EndSars #Heroes (@ChristianahAba1) January 3, 2021

thebosstrevor1:
Dna data are your human footprint also they can be sold to law enforcement and third parties.

Once you give someone your dna, he or she has private information about your medical a d family history, diseases, they can modify and engineer your Genetic, also it can be used to track you.

Giving your dna in an unregulated market like Nigeria is like giving your privacy and freedom out.

You might think dna testing is only about paternity test, it is more than that.

thebosstrevor1:
Even though it is true that there are paternity frauds in our society, the reality is it is not so much like how social media are publicizing it.

Nigerian dna market is unregulated, dna is your human footprint, your personal data. Dna is not only about testing paternity but it can be use for many things.

I believe there is a plot on Nigerians by some Dna tech companies in Nigeria to raise the discussion about DNA Test in our society because they want to create a DNA bank For Nigerians.

For instance, there is a company called 54gene in lagos that is building an African DNA bank, the company raised almost 15 million dollars from Bill and merinda gates foundation. The company claim that the Greater availability of African genomic data could lead to medical breakthroughs for the African’s 1.2 billion people.

As far back as 2019, the company has almost 60,000 dna samples of Nigerians in their Bank, in addition, the company is based in Washington DC and Nigeria.

How many of you are concerned about your privacy, don't let social media discussions fool you, some of these dna companies might be the ones sponsoring the discussion so that people can go for Dna test, soon they will gather your data and also sell it to the highest bidder in the United states or to law enforcement agencies.

People should know what they spread online, you might be claiming woke, understand that your privacy matters and that anybody who has control over your dna data has control over you.

Odewaleadesoye:
We are now in the era where everyone owns at least a smartphone.

Gone are the days of buttoned phones that run JAVA, SYMBIAN and others Operating Systems.

In this generation, I don't think anyone is comfortable without holding a smartphone.

What's that one Mobile phone app that you can't live without?

Mine is WhatsApp
I don't think I can live without it.
How will I get across to my families, friends and customers.

I'm so glued to that app (WhatsApp).

What's yours and tell us the reason.

englishmart:
What's your reaction going to be like if you meet your brother in-law treating your sister this way?

Sebastine1994:
i came back from work on Friday to discover that my wife has ran away with our son and some properties in the house, my neighbor said she is a bad woman that I should let her go, they caught her in adultery and she ran away because of shame.

for the first time in my life I discovered that I have not played my role as a husband. I was just focused on bringing back money home for the family and forgot the sexual responsibility, I agree I am at fault too. but if I calculate all the bride price I spent and wedding cost, I feel like going to bring her back. if not for her sake but for the baby, please advice is needed now

she is an igala while I am igbo,

Perfectsouth:
thanks bro for the words.. Since I stopped mating with her, have seen improvement.. Don't just don't want to break up with her yet cos she will do everything to stop me from seeing my kids

Shortyy:
Instead of coming here everyday to take advice from people that can't last a week in a relationship

Ask yourself, if your ex gives you a loan will you accept or not?
That's where your answer lies.

fratermathy:
This is animal cruelty. How can you force such a big horse into a small tricycle? Don't they have pickups or other large vehicles that they can use? This is why education is important. No educated mind, even if it is at JSS3 level, will think of something like this.

fykes:
Mehn things they happen... This world everybody need to keep his hands and heart pure... All that glitters is not gold... No be every fine girl u suppose marry... Some of them get strong spirits attached.... No be every rich guy u suppose marry... Some get loads of curses and oaths from their scam victims. Some married mermaids and demons for money.
Like sleeping with mad people or some fetish things in quest for money
Finally, if he /she is not a matured spiritual person, e dey hard...
Marriage is not dating... When God says he is a jealous God... U can imagine how dem wicked spirits own go be like.

Juliusmomoh:
Eight person a day ? ... I wonder why thunder is still dressing up.

Boozah:
Hello nairalanders. I would love to share my bitter experience today. It all happened by 5.30pm. I had a chat with a seller on jiji and we agreed on a price. I got to his shop and inspectred and saw all phones were sealed. So a receipt was issued and it was written tested and okay. I paid through transfer and left thanking god i managed to get a brand new phone.

By the time i got back home, I tore the nylon as usual. However i heard a sound . I opened the box and saw the phone had flipped. I took out the screen protector, the phone was on. Inshort the phone was a refurbished phone. I felt sad and scammed. I called the shop and they start telling me sorry, that they did not know its refurbished .but i saw them all sealed in nylon. I later discover that the seal tape was missing. The imei sticker at the back was missing, lo and behold the screen was poorly glued. They promised to replace a brand new one. Now the question is how will i be sure brand new one is brand new one.

Nigerian crooks can get anywhere to get the seal sticker before opening it as brand new. I feel so stupid right now. All this happened at iwo road, inside a nice shop to fool ppl. I feel so ashmed. i paid 135k but got refurbished phone of 70k worth.

Eghavribiee:
When she stopped giving me sex

Klass99:
I am not Nengi and character never hides itself, it always shows. I've been described as difficult and hard to please. So, if I say someone has a good character from assessments made, based on continuous interaction with them, you best believe me.

What I liked about Nengi was that, with all her beauty she wasn't arrogant or self conceited. She was in her prime with loads of boys/men chasing her but she maintained a level head, pleasant and decent persona.

Guy las las just say, you no get anything to talk and don't try to spin this around as ''only the people in a relationship knows who has good character'' People outside of a relationship can tell good character too.

Klass99:
What choice do any of us have in such a situation, except to move on? You wan kill the betrayers before?

Nengi is married now with kids of her own, but she told me years later that, that was her first and last heartbreak ever. She was the one breaking hearts afterwards.

As for Adams Oshiomole's lookalike and her cookies, I won't completely rule out jazz like others said. I wasn't exaggerating when I said she looks like Adams, she has his stature (short and masculine) with a slightly better looking face than Adams though.

What would make a man in his right thinking mind to give up a Nengi for Adams, if not jazz?

RedPhoenix:
Otimokpo

yinkus6750:
Bankers in the house, kindly help us out.
What's the cash value contents of a billion van, multiplied by two.
If we can get that, we don't need anyone to tell us how much you spent

TheGiftedOne:
You need to run back to school faaaaasssssttttt!

remele2:
I will give u only one advice..... Keep saving to buy a better car... A car of 500k can make u commit suicide....

Unless u are lucky.

Good night till we meet to hear ur story

Onyi22:
Chai!!!!
A car of 500k?
I can't enter sure car oo

QuinModah:
It was back then in 2013 while I was still in school. I asked this guy if he was married, he said no but my spirit kept telling me he's married.

So one day, I used my lodge mate's phone number to put a call across to him telling him am mama Ada that I want to speak with his wife that her line isn't reachable and I really need to repay the loan she gave me before I squander the money, on hearing that he started screaming ''Mummy mummy bia onwere Onye na akpo gi'' (mummy mummy come someone is calling u). I quietly switched off the phone . I later asked him if it was worth denying your wife and kids because you want what you may never get, and he couldn't answer.