₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Me? Follow the crowd? I am afraid you have got the wrong person. I almost never do that...didn't as a youngin and never as an adult..

We are not here comparing kids from rich families to poor ones, so let's not make this what it isn't. This is a case of a young man with no known plans of moving out of his family house even after marriage. He doesn't even seem to have considered it, talk less of having plans for such. What is accomplished by getting someone like that an apartment?

Kobojunkie:
Huh?

That suggestion amounts to foolishness no matter which continent you try to spin it from abeg.

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

Anonymous03:
I'm a 21 year old virgin , a final year student in Babcock University and I created this new account to ensure anonymity.
People say I'm good looking but I don't see such when I look into the mirror.
Girls love to associate with me ( Note; I don't spend) but none is ready to get down with me. Girls flirt with me a lot but they would never have sex with me.
Some of the girls willingly sleep with guys that are less cute and not rich,yet they deny me sex but still cling on me even when I try to caught them off.

Most of these girls are act naughty with boys but they suddenly become saint and holy when it gets to my turn.

I almost begged for sex at one point and I don't want to patronize sex workers.
Where am I getting it wrong? How can I sexually attract girls? Do I need to dress like a pop star?

I solicit for your advice.

Needadvice200:
Sorry I had to create new account to remain anonymous.

Please men of the house I seriously need advice. Straight to the point, we've been married for 6 years now and I love her so so much, our compatibilities is 100%. We have a beautiful baby girl and we are still currently living together at the moment.
Since we married things has been extremely bad for us unlike before we married. Though I myself was down with sickness for years that almost took my life but God revived me and she stays with me. My business doesn't require my presence (networking) because currently am still getting money but not much. let's say 20k average which of course not much for the family.

Now here is my problem, from 3 or 4 different CONFIRMED sources we were told that my lack of money it's from her that she belongs to a spiritual evil cult (Elegbe omo) that her own is spiritual rags group (egbe akitan, or alakisa) that whoever sleeps with them, their things will going down for them, finance wise and all. I hope I described it well tho and that even she herself is not aware but they do tell her severally. and she has been praying yet things keep getting worse for us.

in fact sometimes ago a pastor saw a vision for her that whoever sees her physically putting on a good cloth that she's beautiful but spiritually it is rags on her body. That she will Pray and fast for 3 days (deliverance) which she did yet things keeps getting worse for me in fact right now I am begging to feed.

When I realized this I stopped having sex with her for months and my business really really improved.
Throughout last year I can count how many times we had sex not up to 4 times and I did not cheat on her because I love her so much but for how long? It's not easy to be on the same bed with your wife and not want to have it but anytime we have it we must suffer for it for months.
The loan sharks on my neck are up to 7. Am just collecting loan to pay another to avoid their embarrassment. One is even threatening my life now (LCredit) as I could not pay the overdue loan.

My head is full with many thoughts. I love her and my baby which is just 2yrs. i want to succeed, I want my family. how long can we be staying without sex? am so so worried. Though I was told it's not her fault but what can I do because it has been affecting us for years now until now.

I don't know if anyone had a similar experience to please share. I need help because I am seriously considering leaving her but I will take full responsibilities of my baby.

I will be in comment section if case of any questions.

Thank y'all

Babsojimjim:
Dear all, permit me to use this medium to seek for mature and experienced advise...

When a wife out of her own wish without any current justifiable reason seperates from her husband for almost two months and has now decided to return back with the kid out of her own wish without any pressure, should the man accept her back?

Also should there be conditions attached before the man can accept her back? Mature and experienced input is highly appreciated.

Thanks all.

Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

HeDied:
I have seen this happening to people that in some cases, they grow to become a big obvious growth. I don't want that to happen to me please. I don't even know what it is called in English but I have applied some ointments to treat it but none seems to work, rather it is spreading the more. Something that came out one is now spreading to what it is. It would look as though it is dying/dead only to resurface again with serious itching from the inside. This started since last year.

Please suggest the way out for me. Thanks for all your contributions in advance.

Togobroz:
Happy new month to everyone and I wish to thank God for his grace so far.

I have been a hustler for long trying to make ends meet and at a point I was able to save about 1.5million naira to travel to China but unfortunately I was duped and my hard earned money went to voicemail. I kept struggling and saving money to go to Europe but I was denied visa twice to two different countries and then I gave up.

I decided not to travel again but the stress and insecurity in Nigeria has been worrisome especially in my region so I decided to travel to any french speaking African country and just experience a whole new different life outside Nigeria. My initial plan was to go to Burkina Faso or Equitorial Guinea and I did some research that would guide me as I didn't know anyone in both countries and I was just determined to go on this adventure myself.

I saved up some money which got to almost 3 million naira and then I crossed my heart and made my trip. From Nigeria I crossed into Benin Republic and then to Togo where I was supposed to cross to Burkina Faso. On getting to Togo it was quite late so I had to pass the night in a cheap hotel of 2000cfa franc. In the hotel I met some Nigerians going to Ghana with some friends based in Togo. I was hearing their conversations as they drank at the bar while I sat alone with a bottle of their local beer Castle.

Being that in Togo I discovered they hardly speak English, I decided to introduce myself to those Nigerians so that I can make some enquiry from them and that was how we all got talking and gisting till late night. The guys based in Togo told me alot about Togo and how life is cheap if one has some capital to get accommodation and start a small business. I was made to understand there is steady light, water and security in the small country. The next day I was suppose to leave for Burkina Faso I decided to pay for the hotel room for a week and explore Togo a bit. The guys I met that were based in Togo already were really helpful and they took out time to show me around, know the prices of stuffs and where to buy cheap stuffs as well. I began to fall in love with the country except for the fact that most people don't understand English, though some try to understand and speak a little so you have to scatter the English for them to understand.

I decided to find a house and few days was enough for that. I got a room and parlor self contained house for 30,000cfa a month and paid a year which is 360,000cfa. They hold 6 months as deposit and after six months I start paying 30,000cfa monthly or anyhow I wish to stretch it based on my pocket. I just furnished it a little and I am just chilling with steady light on a brief. The house has a prepaid meter so I recharge and use according to my power.

After making some deep enquiry about what business to start at least for now, I bought a tricycle they call Apsonic here in Togo. It cost 1.4million cfa brand new plus the plate number registration and all. Then I found a driver who took it on hire purchase to balance 2.5million cfa at 25,000cfa per week.

My good people, I know I have not reached where I am going but I bless God for where I am coming from. Right now I just relax myself planning my next move while every Saturday I wait to receive my weekly salary. With life here if you are someone that knows how to manage, even 1000cfa can feed you a whole day so I am really doing my best to see how much I can save by the end of this year over here and know my next move.

Please you all pray for me as I also pray for you all. The journey of a thousand miles always start with a footstep.

NigerianAngelo:
Op, you are one of those Nigerians that is fooled with the "North" propaganda.

Igbos will rule from 2023,
and we are planning that and reaching across.


God grace Pius Anyim
God grace Peter Gregory Obi

God grace all Igbos.

Alvanbenjamin:
Good morning everyone.
Please I had a shop I was making use of till I gained admission 8nto the university and still paid for the shop without use for over 2 years...
After the pandemic in 2020, I decided to rent the shop out cause I was seriously affected and was already in my final year... I paid two years rent for the shop, running from February 2021to January 2023. Then I got a letter about rent increase, few months it was followed by the court order...

Please is this right? What should I do ?
The first picture is the receipt I was issued after payment, the 2nd is the increase letter and then the one sent from the court.

Lucaslookers:
Please married folks in the house,

My lovely wife and I have been married for almost 2 years now. I know I am not a perfect person and she is not too but we have been managing.

Why I opened this thread is that I am very afraid of her new attitude of always carrying weapons anytime we have a misunderstanding.

It started when I found out she had an abortion without telling me and when I confronted her she flared up and started behaving like a tout jumping here and there.

On Friday last week we were discussing about how to go about the new business I want to set up for her and somehow we got into an argument and she ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife.

Again, this morning I simply asked her to waybill some foodstuffs to her father as I wouldn't be able to do that before heading to my place of business and she grabbed my clothes and started calling me names, next thing she picked up the belt hanging on the wardrobe and started threatening to teach me a lesson.

I have never been a woman beater and honestly don't know what has gotten into her.
We have a pending issue we are yet to sort out but still I am keeping my calm why is she the one suddenly going violent??

Please what do I do? I don't want blood on my hands because if I touch her it will be very bad.
My marriage is still young.

Prospertochu:
I am married with three kids 2 years and 3 months triplets, my salary is 55k. I used to give my wife 20k, mother 10k, 5k for rainy days and 20k for myself transportation and other expenses outside my house.

My wife complained that the money was not enough I added 5k making it 25k monthly but she still demanding for more money and she has threatened to leave if I don't give her more.

I had no money to give her, my own mother was homeless staying in church and I couldn't stop giving her that 10k because she needed it. My wife used to fight me every single day and my uncle asked us to leave the family house as we were disturbing their peace and I was ready to let her go and I will be sending 25k for our triplets upkeep every month but for the sake of our kids we have settled down with 30k monthly leaving me with 15k.

So far, we have moved out of the family house, we are staying in a parlour and room house a brother from Canada gave us the place it is not permanent but it is better and we are very very grateful.

Like I said earlier my mother was staying in church, now we have a one bedroom house I have discussed with my wife for my mum to come and live with us and I will stop the 10k I was giving her and I will add it to her money making it 40k monthly, she has agreed.

Now that my mother is here with us, she started again with the 40k is not enough to feed all of us, note I don't eat breakfast, I eat lunch at work and in the evening I eat at home. She is only giving my mother food in the evening while she and my kids eat 3 Square meal a day.

I asked her why she is treating my mother so badly she said the economy is hard if she doesn't have she won't kill herself. I am sick and tired and if I have sorted things it was for the sake of our kids and now I am starting to regret. I am thinking from this month when I get my salary I will give her 30k and give my mother 10k to be cooking her own foods.

Is my decision good?

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggar

Anything make Nigerians mumu vote that Tinubu
I go japa commot leave this country like bros op
My own passport dey with me steadily
Infact he dey on top my table

If I hear am ...na to just pick am up...then zoom out of the country...even if na turkey or Cyprus or Georgia i go enter

NotoriousBiggyS:
I just collected my international passport today . If una like vote for tinubu. Na Japa I dey so

I cannot come and waste another 8yrs of my life on earth like the Buhari tenure that I just survived. I don't want to survive life. I want to live life

Kriss216:
The disgrace and shame go loud... I pity Tinubu in advance

Fred166:
I married my beautiful wife January this year, I Love my wife so much, I have never cheated on her since we got married. I opened a business for her worth 900k. i've already promised her a car this coming year (well I ride camry muscle and I'm tired of sharing the car with her).

My wife is too lazy, all she cares about is her eye lashes, make-up, nails and watching Zeeworld all day, She goes to her shop 10am and return 3pm, She barely take care of the house. Sometimes the plate I used for breakfast before going to work would still be on the dining table unwashed when I return. Her make-up tools and bag littered everywhere in our sitting room.

We're expecting our 1st child, Now that She's pregnant (4 months) she's worst. Na so so chop chop, I will jokingly say babe Pls don't go out of shape I won't look ur side again, Is like the more I beg, the more she chop chop. ...weird food carvings. Coconut water and bread, shawarma and pepper soup with sugar cane in her hand, I dare not buy it for her otherwise I won't sleep.

I still cook when I'm back from work. Anytime I tried to talk to her, she would say can't I see she's pregnant, she's having waist pain, leg pain, Infact body pains. I wanted to employ a maid she refused, she spoke ill about maids, she said they are husband snatchers e.t.c.

3 days ago, She asked me to renew our dstv sub and I refused. Yesterday I noticed she has done it (first time). I saw her watching Zeeworld, laughing sheepishly and pointing to the TV, I needed to watch man united match so I changed the channel, she dragged the remote control from me and changed it back to Zeeworld, she said I'm too stingy, I didn't sub for her, I refused to buy her a car.

I don't know what to do. With her lazy attitude I'm scared during delivery she would be saying I can't push o.

Experienced men help a brother.

oladiddy:
My wife and I have been married for over 3 years now with a beautiful daughter who is 2years plus but things are falling apart everyday.

Whenever we had arguments she will want to sabotage my job. Couple of months ago, we had an argument and I was to give update to my team via teams meeting (I work from home)..My wife keep raising her voice, I left the living room and went to bedroom lock the door behind to continue with my meeting but surprisingly to me, my wife went through the window and started the drama again.

Just yesterday there was another drama and she picked my phone unknowingly and call my overall boss.

Note: it is from this job am sponsoring her Masters in one of the centers in Uniport and also feeding the family. More than 70% of my monthly earnings goes to her. I am not a social person..I don't drink and either spend lavishly.

My wife is a very proud person and she has this obvious non challant attitude which are all seen by family members. Everybody keep talking about her but she's not changing. Although I have my own differences as well but she believe I can't control her. She's not submissive at all...I can say that over again and again.

Even while she's doing her masters, I was the one taking care of my daughter at home (thanks to covid)..in fact all my team members knows my daughter as my second colleague. I believe we all know how working from home with kids is like.

Please I need your advice. I am already thinking of divorce but the fear of loosing my daughter to her custody is my biggest challenge.

I am loosing my mind.

Please push to FP!

Asiri1991:
Now I see what is wrong with you. Because your institution called it GNS means all other institutions must call it GNS. Same could be applicable to the distorted history you learned. Isn't it obvious you just committed intellectual harakiri in your bid to sound genius? Take this to the bank: no Bini man or woman has accepted or will accept Bini history abridged and narrated by an outsider. If you really want to know the history of our people, look for the one written by Prof Iru-eweka or the one documented by J. B. Croft, the British Lord in charge of the bight of Benin before your distorted history started making round your newspapers. Our court poets are still alive in the palace of Ewuare to put you through in your areas of difficulty. Say no to wrong analogy.

Asiri1991:
Useless throne. Come to Benin City and learn kingship. Everything is not about loud mouth and ritual killings.

Originalsly:
So you be the judge.... and passed guilty judgement on her because if she were right she would be tweeting every second. You need help upstairs and don't even know.

Originalsly:
I agree with her.... anyone can run with any narrative they like. Our own chose to run with she will not arrest her address.

Kingbenn:
Nah because of people like you I restrict myself from commenting in every thread. Una too dey show the act of foolery. Can't you express yourself without showing the toxicity inside of you. Child of HATE. TEUH

Kingbenn:
But why is it that anyone can just be crowned a king in Ibadan even if the person is not from the lineages of Kings. What sort of tradition is that, now dem don dey carry matter go court. Tueh

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Eriokanmi:
Police arrested her instead of arresting the offender who tried to molest her. She was the one who called the police not the other way round. Let's hear her side of the story before praising baba

rentAcock:
Let's call a spade a spade. This is a silly comparison. Those homeless people in the U.S are still far better than the homeless people in Nigeria. They have homeless shelters for them, however so many of them refuse to seek refuge at the homeless shelters due to a high rate of theft and physical abuse by the residents. Also, many of them are homeless due to drug abuse and mental health issues, even when offered a place to stay, they still end up on the streets. The homeless people over there also have access to social workers who can set them up with food vouchers, health insurance, job training etc but Nigeria doesn't have that. Notwithstanding, as a Nigerian, Nigeria remains the best place to make it big in this life. Despite the numerous challenges we face, there's no place like home and it is left for us to develop it.

Abfinest007:
I perfer living homeless abroad than Nigeria .