₦airaland Forum

These days you have social media

hooha:
The rate at which students make high scores nowadays in JAMB is something to understand.

In those days, people do not make such high scores, even the intelligent ones. Those days, you see very intelligent people scoring 265, 270, 280, etc; but today, I think the rate of 300+ seems higher.

So what is the factor? Is it that JAMB quality has dropped or Students are now more intelligent?

Did anyone really consented to be created or born?

internationalman:
so it was government by force then..

no self expression or free will..

so it has been teyed is started.... it is well

Pian is part of life. That type of pain is not part of life. It should be a personal choice to want that pain or not. I cannot remember the last time I associated pain with my hair.

Exactly! It is about others not her. She is not a peacock.

The pain is not temporary. At least once a week, she gets her plaited or braided and she spends at least two days wincing every time she puts her head down to sleep.

BlackPantherCri:
Pain is a part of life. We have to deal with it. That's why we have adults who cant manage stressful situations. Because of helicopter parenting.


The child focuses on the after, the beautiful hair she will adorn. The pain is temporary. When the hair is all done, she's prancing about like a peacock showing all and sundry her beautiful hair.

Are vaccinations important or not?

CeterisXVII:
Children go through pain when they are given injections, or taking vaccinations. Should we abolish those too, in order not to cause the child any pain??

Do you mean that you have have managed to convince yourself that wincing in silence meant no pain?

BlackPantherCri:
I started when she was 18 months. Now she's the real MVP

Especially the edge's questions

1Sharon:
And they wonder why their hair doesn't grow.

When they see long hair, they ask stupid questions.

Cream do not make hair longer. In fact, the cold in the aboad is more likely to damage and stunt hair growth. People with koily hair need special way of handling their way to make it grow longer.

It seems like black hair grow longer in the western world because the movement to retain length i.e trying to make black hair long is a mostly a western thing.

jakandeola:
most African girls use hair cream add different concution yet thier hair is still short.see forget DAT talk.if u know anybody in ur family or nairaland who lived abroad lets ask to avoid argument. trustyshoess cococandy ireneony mimzyy

The pain of waking up for school or work every morning is necessary. Plaiting of hair? NO!

The child can decide what to do with the hair when she grows up including choosing a painless way of dealing with her hair

midnighter:
Nope, it's totally necessary. Pain is as much a part of life as pleasure.

If you couldn't experience sadness you wouldn't know what happiness was. If everything was easy and painless to obtain, you wouldn't value it.

After seeing and sitting through the process of styling and making that hair, the child will learn to appreciate the importance of being patient for a good result as they grow older.

And they will know what styles and techniques they prefer. It's part of building their self-image.

The solution to a problem is not necessarily avoiding it altogether but finding a way to muddle through.

The pain is very unnecessary.

midnighter:
There's nothing wrong with braiding a child's hair, as long as care is taken not to make it too tight.

It can be uncomfortable but not necessarily painful. Or it may be mildly painful for a couple of days. Experiencing pain is not going to kill the child.

Everybody experiences pain, especially en route to achieving something meaningful. You can't shield children from pain forever just to prove a point. This is unrealistic. Children should be taught resilience and not shielded and coddled all the time. The end result is comfort enough for the pain endured.

Putting somebody's hair in a bun every day for school is not feasible; little children mess their hair up a lot and natural hair can get tangled if a comb is not run through it often enough. Then when you want to comb it it will still be war.

I think a reasonable cornrow style with or without attachments is okay for a schoolgirl.

And it will also teach them from an early age about neatness.

The bun is okay as well once in a while but people who braid their kids hair shouldn't be condemned.

Well, the cool and fresh weather does not make hair soft. Hair is soft when it is well mositurised.

jakandeola:
not cold.thier weather is cool and fresh compared to African weather.

Really? Your child has to go through pain because you did.

BlackPantherCri:
Aunty. Schools in naija pick weaving hair styles for kids. Pack bun to school and they will speak grammar for you. We all went thru d pain, we survive am. It's generational abeg. They will get over it

It doesn't have to be those particular hairstyles. They can even cut the hair of it comes to that.

Cold does not make hair softer, if at all, it makes it drier.

jakandeola:
d girls are beautiful but I think u are wrong. dose girls are not Africans I think dey are Americans. oyibo weather make thier hair to be very soft weda black or white cos of thier cold.most naija and African girl got short hairs

It might be you derive joy in watching parents hurt their kids. We don't!

It is their children they can do and undo. If they can hurt them for their own satisfaction and teach them to enjoy pain for other people's satisfaction, they can as well kill them.

tot:
As long as you are not the parent, it's not your business. Sorry.

How does the comment relate to killing a child? What does that have to do with the point made?

Judgement call to put their children through unnecessary pain because of their own idea of beauty?

Does that make sense to you? You could as well tell then to kills their children because they are the parents.

tot:
It's not for you to tell others what pain they should go through or what age that should be. That's a personal choice. It's the parents' judgment call.

Their excuse has always been the poor girl's appreciation for the beauty of the hair.

Still early days

You don't understand the level of corruption those guys are into. He may not be able to build a uni but I am pretty sure he could afford to build a dozen of lecture theaters.

fairfora:
but not enough to build a university na. Just 2 lecture theatres would consume his coins.

Oshiomole had millions in the accounts before he became the governor. Do you know the the type of theivery NLC do?

fairfora:
Exactly. People really don't care how you spent their money. Just provide for them the basics...pay their salary promptly, build infrastructure and provide security...they would be carrying you like a king. Unfortunately, our politicians are super greedy. Imagine oshiomohle, a labour leader with only one khaki and with nothing in his account before he became governor , now owning a multi billion naira university in his hometown...where did he get the money from? Yet, people kept having accidents along benin auchi highway when he was governor. Armed robbers kept causing chaos...no police van, no security personnel positioned on the highway...he was just busy embezzling the security votes and same man is now shouting corruption here and there.

All of African Christians are in Jos. Wow!

Some do. It is exactly the reason why they have that law. It doesn't discriminate if the other partner is also abused (I don't know if that is a good thing or not).

pocohantas:
That is the right thing to do. After all, they wouldn't ignore if it were their own child.

Some states in the US prosecute the other parent/adult in the home.

pocohantas:
They claimed that one would be like sending your mama message. They intentionally go for these kids to exploit them. Some are only nice enough to treat them fairly.

Where is Ajimobi today?

@dauddy97

Visit to a teaching hospital

Exactly, people should do what works for them and men should not act like assholes because they would prefer their wives to stay home.

healthserve:
True. That's the worrying part. Too many possibilities. For example. If the next child requires an operation, or there's multiple needs that are equally important, can they be managed without issues? Asides financial aspect, there are too many possibilities.. Marriage is between a man and a woman. God help them. In the end, it's up to every couple to decide on a template for their marriage.


If I were a woman and a man tells me such. I'll start placing demands straight up. Seen a Zenith bank woman the hubby told to stay at home, immediately she asked for 500k monthly salary. Hubby paid. She resigned to watching TV at home. If there's flex money, then no yawa

The husband knows the kind of parents she has. It is the reason he has their support.

midnighter:
I think it's clear that they're not going to help which is why she needs to be realistic about her situation to give herself the best chance of getting what she wants without the whole thing exploding into something else.

If the parents and siblings had called a meeting I'm sure this thing could have been different.

She needs to handle it carefully because when some husbands realise that their wife doesn't have support they use it to start oppressing her.

It's not all parents who are bothered about their children's welfare

I understand. My point was he could have lied about his motives, he could have forced her to give up her job for the home or he could have simply not kept to the end of his deal.

There are many possibilities. There are more examples of this situation ending badly than what not. Women who work still go through a lot of hell from some husbands because they earn more or earn less, how much a woman that does not work at all?

It is not to say the idea of a stay at home parent is bad. It is actually good for the family and it does not mean the family would suffer if the woman decides to follow her path. It is all about sacrifices for one another, that sacrifice can come from any party and I expect it to be reasonable.

Having no source of income is a lot of burden for any gender adult. It is worse if it is forced on an unwilling woman. The least anyone would pray for is a frustrated, depressed and unfulfilled partner and mother.

healthserve:
He appeased her for the sake of the home. Pays her salary. But didn't tell/instruct her forcefully to stop working so he could be the only source of financial flow. The mindset lies the motive and the nitty gritty of everything. It's more about selfish power play here than for the kids welfare. Also Mr. Fairs example with due respect to his family is one in a gazillion. Being subdued many times intoxicated the we older of financial resources to control and abuse that control. The delicate mess of where she is in the event of emergencies, future concerns, sudden job loss is a cause for concern. If the motive were pure, and they had mutual goals not one person kicking the barrel at the other, then staying at home could be part of a mutual bigger plan rather than a projected order

That is true. Still, Mr Fair could have lied to his wife or force her to give up her job.

healthserve:
Not just suggesting to his wife. But most importantly his motive. Motive is what truly matters. Mr. Fairs motive and this one are worlds apart

There are many people like your wife who have a family and a job, their job! The gooddamn good reason is for them to decide not you!!! Would you in all sincerity be out a job for the same reason? Sacrifices can be made and it may or may not involve being a stay at home mum especially for a woman who is totally against the idea and whose husband never broached the topic with before marriage.

It is highly insensitive, unfair and dehumanising to force another to give up her career. You suggested it to your wife and she agreed with you. The decision not to go out to make money must be with her consent.

Submission does not explain why a full grown adult would be forced not to work. It hasn't helped many women who followed your wife's footsteps. Soon, you will also tell us how submission is not another form of slavery. Slaves don't get to choose a life, they submit to their master. Everything is all about your will, the understanding and submission are always from the women. Can we not make it like our fathers made one huge sacrifice that our mothers didn't make ten times over?

fairfora:
Yes...GODDAMN GOOD REASON you said, which is FAMILY. The decision is the reason we're this successful today both in marriage and in business. My wife is very popular in her line of business and a successful major distributor in Nigeria.I dont want to mention her name here. She's very popular. I'd always be grateful to God for her. Marriage is a sensitive journey...our parents endured it with understanding from both sides. There's no magic about keeping once marriage..It takes understanding and submission.

That is why I said her parents are wicked. I am surprised she doesn't have siblings that can call out their BS. If they have any iota of respect for their child, they would settle this issue amicably without making their child feel sad and alone

midnighter:
Whether we like or agree with it or not, that's what the man thinks. That's what plenty of men think, unfortunately.

The guy is just something else.

I still can't believe her parents have nothing to say about it but maybe they're just brushing her off because they don't want her to get any ideas about packing out back to their house.

Fairfora, it is in his place to suggest it but it is not his right to command her not to work. If she doesn't want to give up her job or she feels the reasons aren't fair enough, a reasonable man would respect that and they could try and work around it.

I am sorry, nobody in her right mind will take your word for it. That is your story, family and your wife was very willing. However, it is a very risky choice to make for a woman, who cares about herself and her children. In fact, no one should have to give up their financial means without a goddamn good reason and their consent.

fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

So because she is not submissive, she should be not be allowed to earn an income.

He could as well flog her like his child to remove that unsubmissive spirit.

This is the first madness. Their child is just two. If someone can make this kinda of demoralising decision over another adult. She should sit tight, she is in for a very long ride.

May God not give us wicked parents!

midnighter:
I'm not sure of your reasoning.

We know that it's her right and we know that he was wrong to break the agreement. I'm sure even he knows that.

BUT since he is refusing on the basis of submissiveness then the next thing is to prove him wrong, by being submissive.

She has been fighting and struggling and it's making it worse plus her family is not even supporting her. From her replies here we can see that she's not ready to compromise or consider anything else. That doesn't sound like submissiveness to me.

This is not about quoting rights but about achieving her aim, which is why I suggested that she changes her approach.

He seems to be unhappy with her actual behaviour eg the way she treats their child. Is it not better to try to alter some of the attitudes that he doesn't like so that he will be more willing to listen to her request?

The guy is willing to go even further than this until he totally messes her up, with her parents consent. The parents consent is even the crazy part that is taking the wind out of her sails.

He's the one who caused the issue but she's the one who is suffering it so I suggest that she uses her smarts to get what she wants instead of trying to drag with him when he is clearly not interested.

Or, to use an adage that I learned on here, "stoop to conquer".

To me, if she were actually serious about working she would leave the human rights talk and appeal to his sympathy by working on his psyche.

He clearly doesn't care about her "rights" right now! So she should take another avenue and get him to feel like he's the one helping her and not that she deserves it

Was he blind when he decided to marry an educated woman? Did he broach the subject with her before making that unilateral decision over someone else's life?

She is compelling because it is her damn life. SHE chose to go to school, get a job and if being a housewife was in the plan, it won't be such a problem.

What is wrong with you people?

Desric:
You see why I said its all about conception and playing safe? After all, it's about ego. They should just find a way to massage one another's ego and be fine, from the woman's tone, she's sounding she's compelling the man, telling him that she's educated and cannot afford to waste all that or be idle instead of appealing to her husband to allow her work so as to assist him in taking care of the financial needs of their young family.

Her way of presentation might just be the wahala here. I know what I'm talking about, my own wife is a civil servant by the way.