₦airaland Forum

seizethaBae:
if u guys no d level of my seriousness walah iu wont take it as a joke. shams040 im not here to look for patner/husband but to find experience pple to diagnose what could be wrong with me or if it happens to most ladies before they settle down. Experience pple pls respond plsssss

OK let's cut the chase..

There is nothing wrong with you dearie but what you are feeling is M.A.I (marriage anxiety syndrome) which usually sets in at late 20s for ladies and mid 30s for guys and I'm sorry to say once it sets in you can't undo it but you can only manage it.

Be friendly and be open minded....go out and interact with people and try to relax without getting too concerned about it and that man will surely walk into your life but the wahala is this feeling thing...I always tell ladies go be with guys who truly want them rather than the one they want.

Anyways let me drop my phone number and I will remove it soon so add me on watsup and let's interact...

I know nairaland tantafos will say toks Wan woo you but ko kan aye,emi naa ti balaga iyawo lo ku ti mo n wa ...

Make you no fear o na just friend thingy..I am too careful to just woo a lady but I love socializing

seizethaBae:
I don't even know where to start or how to explain what my problem is, hopefully i get lucky for the 'problem' to be 'diagnosed'. I'm a 27yrs old lady, finished university very very early and i've been extremely lucky with almost everything in life, but to get a suitor and settle down na palava. Friends/family members keep saying I'm too choosy or not serious.

Honestly, I AM NOT choosy. When the one thing i fast/pray for is for God to link me with the bone of my bone very soon, I even gave up my travelling plans in order to increase my chances of finding a future patner (i know you can meet ur patner anywhere, but na just to shut up people wey don tink say i no dey serious), a close friend even suggested i pend my 'work-from-home business', look for job so i can be leaving the house, and i got lucky within a month or two of dusting my CV i got a fantastic high paid job with no connection (honestly i've always been so lucky when i ask God for anything but i have no idea why he is delaying this). I just dont know how to explain it, the ones i like doesnt like me and the ones i dont have single feelings for will do anything to wife me. I'm not desperate or something, i just want to reach out if I'm the only one having this problem.

There was even a time i made up my mind to accept an ex proposal even tho i have no single feeling for him, i kept hoping/fasting/praying for a miracle to happen so i can at least like him (even if its 20%) bcus hes just too PERFECT, but it didn't just happen. My type of man doesnt need to be extremely rich, tall, handsome like most ladies dream man. He should just be neat, God fearing and have something upstairs biko (i love intelligent guys). Back to the main reason why i created this post; Married women/mature lady out there, has this ever happen to you? I really envy people that love their partners and they are loved back equally. Married women, please, I'm waiting to hear from you.

And for most people that will think I'm looking for a rich guy, believe me i once met a guy that was willing to sponsor my M.Sc in UK if i can be his Mrs, but i will never engage in anything that will bring curse on my head. So my problem is not even money. I'm so sick and tired

I would have sent you a mail but since you don't like perfect guys make I kuku Sidon dey look...

Because me I be near perfect o..TDH with correct brain and I still get money to pay my bills.

But the wahala be say I'm too principled and I am a no nonsense man...

I'm not GOD but when I see a couple I Will have a good guess if they will last.
It's no brainer at all.

nickxtra:
My marriage to my wife is facing a serious challenge, after I discovered from my wife's WAEC certificate, that the date of her birth on the result is 6 years more than what she told me and what has been in all her non academic documents, including her C.V. Actually, i have seen all her academic certificates, including her NYSC discharge certificate, but never saw her S.S.C.E and FSLC results that normally bear dates of birth. Each time i ask her for them in order to compile all the credentials for job application purposes, she would tell me that her WAEC, NECO and primary school results are in a box, with her mum in thier home town; that she would ask her mum to bring them. I gnomo her mum lager came with them for her.

Eventually, a serious sure job came for which i would need these credentials to forward to the organization. She gave me the WAEC result with the excuse that age forgot the NECO and FSLC in her current office, which she promised to bring. Lol and behold! What i saw on the WAEC result is a date of birth 6 years higher than what she told me and what is in her C.Vs.

I called her attention and she started giving me excuses that hold no water. She is saying that the same DOB were erroneously registerd for her when, perhaps they were registering her for both WAEC and NECO. That when the results came out and she noticed the errors, she complained and applied to correct same, but since then, the exam authorities have not corrected them. I have not come to terms with the this discovery. I think this may cause us peace, thrust and love in pur marriage.

My brothers and sisters, i think am contemplating of what action to take against her and am contemplating a divorce, but our two children are still very small for this. I want to report this issue to her family and mine. Am gradually withdrawing my trust for her.

I need matured advice and suggestions that will see me through this.

Will you just negodu..

Tell me bro..you don tire abi and you don dey find excuse to leave the marriage abi...kontinue...

Jokes apart I will tell you to let it go and enjoy your marriage cos this is no issue.

My 50cents

If I were in the guy's shoes I will just preach to them to stop it that it is fornication but if they refuse to hear I will just tell them that the sin will be on their heads and if they still refuse to yield I will tell them to allow me shower and I will ask them to provide a condom to avoid infection and I will kuku submit myself to them....after all I tried to prevent it....

Lalasticlala don't say i have come again.

There are just some anomalous teachings that should be ironed out.

taiiremide:
My wife absconded with our kids (2 boys). We’ve been married for 4years plus. I did everything a good husband would do to please his wife, but she never satisfied. Before we got married, I’ve a good job and she knew my worth, after marriage things isn’t as rosy and it used to be, I lost my job and I was able to get one after 2 months but the salary is 120k excluding other freelance jobs I do online.

We’re unable to save. We spent most of the money on food stuffs, I hate seeing her hungry. She called me one faithful night and reminds me of the premises I made before we got married about the car and supermarket I promised her (I can’t remembered making such promises), but I still encourage her to be patient with me, that things gonna be fine. She never supported me as she’s not working. I remember I gave her 450k to start a business; she was pregnant at the time so she rejected the money because of her condition. I added some money and I bought a car, I needed the car to hustle for contracts, I cant be jumping from okada to marwa, nobody gonna take you serious. A month later, I got a printing contract from one of the best companies in Lagos, the condition is to use your money for the contract so I sold the car to print the job, I bought a machine unfortunately the machine packedup, i lost the gain and money for the car but I was able to delivered the job more that expectation but I lost huge amount of money. She always complaining ever since, when I tried to encourage her that things will be fine she will ask me ‘when’.

She treats my kids as if she wasn’t the one that brought them to this world, she always using negative words for those kids, I later realized she doesn’t love me, if she love me, she’ll equally love my kids.

4 months ago, she went to visit my younger sister in osogbo, she saw the way my sister’s business was moving fine, she fall inlove with osogbo, she sent a message thus ‘dear, guess I am in love with Oshogbo is peaceful and cool’. When she came back to Lagos, she said she wanted us to move to osogbo, after much persuasion and consideration I succumbed. We moved to osogbo, I spent more than 300k. 2 weeks later, she started complaining that osogbo is boring. I was so mad. I had to risk my life travelling from osogbo to Lagos almost every week.
On the 16th of September (a day after I celebrated our last born birthday) she left for Lagos for her sister’s wedding, I gave her 12k for tfair and other expenses. I called her a week later to remind her that our first son gonna resume school the following Monday, that’s when she said she’s no longer interested in the marriage, that I should move on, I called her mother, she said I should come see her but my family stopped me, since we never had a fight and I was not the one that sent her packing that she should be the one to come.

I’m missing my kids, they’re my life, I don’t know what to do.

Relax bro...she will come back.

Don't ever asslick a lady but be the man at all times.

I am forced to say you brought thus on yourself cos you became too soft.

As I wrote, let her be and make yourself happy and if you can find a sweet calm hardworking lady please settle with her cos her act is called desertion which is a good ground for you to remarry.

Please get me straight. ..I'm not saying reconciliation is not possible but I will never ask you to go beg her cos from your story..."if it is true" she should be left alone.

Be the man and take your place...there are too many ladies out their that are hard working humble and ready to calm down with a man...trust me...they are many out there.

As for the kiss they will be brought back to you without hassles but use this time to build your life back to a greater position.

A lady will indulge in MouthAction and still calls herself a virgin....smh

SamuelAnyawu:
Another Media story to wet down the dry throats of gullible Nigerians for the new week







Dear Buhari thank you for recovering our Monies from Corrupt leaders But we need power, good roads, lovely railways etc

We actually voted him for this purpose but we pray Niger delta avengers allow him space to do more.

sarahade:
I will not accept it until God says it is. No man is ABOVE ME I'm not a lesser being because I'm a woman oga.

Don't put what is not in the bible there. You are just a human beign. The last creation of God is the woman so far the best, a woman is the better version of a man or have you seen where something created later not better than the previous version oga go and rest jare .

even the Bible says the first shall be the last and the last first .because of the superior nature of a woman thats why he asked us to submit so pride will not consume us and he commanded the man to love us even with our arrogance. Otan

Lobatan!

So you have not read in the bible that the man has authority over the woman?

Wait till the last day before the last becomes the first.

Lol

UnknownT:
They said she violated a code of ethics binding kannywood actors, that her fan should get us a copy of the code of ethics for us to see if she truly violated it. BTW, I see nothing immoral in the video, meaning if she mistakenly features in Olamide or Timaya's video, they will declare a Fatwa on her head

I meticulously scrabbled the video to see any indecency but to me the video is too morally clean sef.

Btw wats kannywood?

sarahade:
The only reason why you want to be born as a man is because you feel you have some kind of authority which is not , we are all the same in the sight of God.
A man is not above a woman they compliment each other, a man is no god .
Pornography destroys both man and woman that is just out of it abeg who watch porn pass who do pornography pass and it destroys them. so the women involve will go to heaven abi mtchew

God doesn't have any representative on earth only the devil does its his home oga

God doesn't move if he doesn't see a man where for bible that one dey. I will like to read this your bible o its specially made for you. Because God has moved many times for me.
A man is not above a woman. A wife is a partner to her husband.

Omoge biko just try and accept that a man is the head of the woman in herachy of existence and you will save yourself lots of pains.

The Bible did not mix words when it clearly pointed this out.

A woman is not a slave to man but a help meet and a partner but in terms of authority he is above you.

ItsQuinn:
Sorry I'm meant to say you aren't meant to judge someone because they choose to divorce since you're already divorced. I call it big hypocrisy!

Fair enough...

Just stick to the subject...don't allow sentiments cloud your judgement.

I'm not saying a woman has no right to divorce her husband but definitely not on the ground of adultery.

We can not continue to use human philosophy to interpret the bible...GOD'S words have been settled and no need to add or remove from it.

charlie009:
When there is money, it can be achievable.

That wedding does not look like an expensive one to me tho

xendra:
obviously from the video they are not new couples the lady already has a grown daughter and I think it's for the man. they been together for enough time.

l;ol!

So does it mean a couple without a child can't have this low key wedding?

Honestly i can never understand the do or die glamor that Nigerian weddings are known for.

ObiOmaMu:
The man Alfred Duncan, surprised his bride Sherrell, by proposing to her noon and marrying her in the evening of the same day.

He proposed to her at 12pm and organised a surprise wedding at 6pm on the same day. The bride couldn't hold back her tears of joy as she cried almost all through.

http://www.lailasblog.com/2016/10/awww-man-surprises-girlfriend-with.html

Naija babes should take a cue from this.

If it is in Nigeria they will take prewedding pics,plan the white and purple wedding for say 2 months and the aso ebi will be a Jakarta lace with a moonlight sunny black color with a touch of oceanic blue.and on and on...

Now in just one day this lady is married without the reazzmatazz many Naija babaes crave for.

Wishing them a happy married life.

ItsQuinn:
how am I picking on you? We are having a normal discussion.

ItsQuinn:
until you learn to accept that fact you can never move forward in life

ItsQuinn:
He thinks he knows everything but he knows nothing

.

ItsQuinn:
btw you aren't meant to support divorce because you're already divorced. This thread you created right here shows your big hypocrisy. I definitely won't be taking you seriously then

If you call those normal conversation then i fear what you will tag heated or abnormal.

It seems you are so lost in your baseless rhetorics and unfounded personal attacks that you now see yourself as having normal conversation. I will be forced to ignore you so well on my threads if you can not comport yourself to communicate soundly. Blaming me for writing my personal story goes to show how immature you can be because first and foremost these stories are various versions of the busy bodies nairaland toddlers who have no scruples and lack intelligence to discuss issues but resorted to creating funny stories about me which i gladly played along with.

I think its time i ignored you until you learn how to communicate maturely.

ItsQuinn:
You call people unintelligent because they don't agree to your beliefs or your ideas? After all God created people to have their own path and beliefs, to think for themselves and not let people think for them, and also to be creative. Until you learn to be open minded, accept or respect other people's beliefs, people will not take you seriously.

For your information, I don't care whether you believe this or not, you have every right to disagree: The world is constantly changing and evolving. In this life there always a beginning and an ending, until you learn to accept that fact you can never move forward in life. The world is moving forward from past beliefs and people who stick with beliefs of the past will never grow, rather they will remain stagnant or fall. 90% of Nigerians have this mentality that's why Nigeria refuse to grow and remain backward, soon Nigeria will fall if we continue to stick to past beliefs. It's either we learn to evolve with the world or perish! That's life for you, deal with it! Change is forvever constant!

Can't you just understand that there is a line between trolling and making intellectual contributions?

You keep picking on me and this is the lack of intelligence and intellectual stuntedness I'm talking about.

Why on earth will I call someone who opposes me unintelligent? I'm too intellectually sound for that but when you just troll and pick on me as you keep doing over and over it will only give an impression that you have nothing reasonable to contribute.

Please I beg you for Petes sake to make sense and make targeted comments as regards the topic and freaking leave my personal life out of this.

Rather than discuss the subject she keeps ranting about me being stagnant and not moving forward on top wettin? have we met before or do you know my state of life? Please make sense or keep mum.

genieluv:
Hmm, this guy, what do u really want from women? Times are changing and many wrong things that were tolerated in the past by women can no longer hold. Equality is now coming in to bridge the gap and this is something u African men must come to accept.

Gradually going and very soon to be gone are the days when women were legally enslaved in the name of marriage.

Are you saying that if a woman's husband is very promiscuous and cheats regularly, the woman should still stay in the marriage and allow the man bring home STDs and come and infect her?

I really laughed out loud after reading your comment.

I have no grudge against any woman and contrary to what I allow people to believe on nairaland...I am not divorced and I won't say I'm really married but I so much enjoy the mystery about my status on nairaland....

Nevertheless I have seen and mediated in many marital scuffle and there is a wide spread anomaly which is now so deep rooted and that is what I intend to correct. .

The bible admonishes General overseers to be a husband of one wife but does not specifically state that polygamy is a sin...I guess the bible somewhat gives room for polygamy as it is evident that the best friends of God in the Bible were clearly polygamous men.

I believe that this is why it was never instructed in the bible for a woman to divorce her husband as a result of adultery rather it is the man who was asked to do that

The fact that many ladies are quick to run out of their marriage because their husbands cheated on them and even holding on to the bible as excuse is sickening and this is why I'm addressing this issue.

Adultery is a sin no doubt but God never instructed the wife to divorce her husband over it so let's call a spade what it is.

When I created a thread that ladies should not marry except they are ready for the possibility of sharing their man with another lady they asked for my head but this is the reality of life many unmarried ladies can never understand until they are faced with the fact after marriage.

I'm not supporting adultery but it is also wrong for people to twist the bible.

It is however painful that nairaland is filled with many noise makers,blabber and trolls who lack the intelligence to counter issues with facts except very few intelligent ones but instead will start picking on my persona.

Most Nigerian readers have this awkward mindset of juxtaposing a write up expecially on romance to the life of the writer and this to me is sickening.

Sometimes coming out with a first class or 2.1 might make a graduate more redundant than a 2.2 or even a 3rd class graduate because while the first class and 2.1 graduate is hell bent on getting a job with the believe that his grades should fetch him one, the 2.2 and 3rd class graduate has resorted to making something worthwhile out of their life which usually pays off.

Most companies first class and 2.1 graduates are scrambling to work in are actually owned by drop outs and people with lesser grades.

ItsQuinn:
It's clearly written in the bible, I know you won't take it because it doesn't suit you just like every other christtians that twist the bible to suit themselves, anyways it's allowed. We all have free will to do whatever we want. I still believe in divorce no matter what .......btw you aren't meant to support divorce because you're already divorced. This thread you created right here shows your big hypocrisy. I definitely won't be taking you seriously then

Why i still respond to you is because you are making sense by tackling the subject of discussion but the moment you start to pick on me i will regard you as unintelligent to continue responding to you. I wonder what my life has to do with the topic on ground.

Please leave me out of this and discuss the topic..give me a viable passage in the bible that supports a woman divorcing her husband because he sleeps with another lady.

I think outside the box and i am not the "My pastor said" type so please i beg you...discuss intelligently or refrain from making comments.

Have a nice day.

ItsQuinn:
if you can understand what I clearly wrote, it means we are free from the law since Jesus died for our sins, therefore we can divorce. Read it again sloooowly and understand

Oh my..abeg what are you preaching?

The new testament reiterated countless times that a woman who divorces her husband for any reason asides desertion and marries another has committed adultery.

Desertion means when the husband outrightly abandons his wife and abscunds or lives with the woman under same roof but refuses to do his manly duty expecially in the area of conjugation ...and not if he sleeps with another lady which is the misconception of present day women in the christiandom.

RabbaRabbi:
discuss what? With who?

you are only trying to replay a game that has been won.

SMH

Please make sense or shush. I'm so tired of attending to trolls.

I think outside the box and if you are not sound enough to discuss it then be a spectator ..

RabbaRabbi:
truelly, the guy must be an APC MEMBER, because of his lies

i wonder which church him dey attend, wey dey teacham all dis trash...

he can only fool babes not grown up like me... Tufiaaa* spits on thread *

And you are supposed to be educated yet you lack the dexterity to think outside the box and discuss matters with key points that is capable of convincing the other party.

WindUpMerchant:
its toks2008 again. the heretic. let's see what lies and misinformation you spew out this time.

You know what baffles me most about noise makers? ..they make vague noises.

Please try and prove me wrong rather than make comments that lack substance.

ItsQuinn:
An illustration about marriage

Certainly you will understand what I am about to say, my brothers and sisters, because all of you know about law. The law rules over people only as long as they live. A married woman, for example, is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives; but if he dies, then she is free from the law that bound her to him. So then, if she lives with another man while her husband is alive, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is legally a free woman and does not commit adultery if she marries another man. That is how it is with you, my sisters and brothers. As far as the Law is concerned, you also have died because you are part of the body of Christ; and now you belong to him who was raised from death in order that we might be useful in the service of God. For when we lived according to our human nature, the sinful desires stirred up by the Law were at work in our bodies, and all we did ended in death. Now, however, we are free from the Law, because we died to that which once held us prisoners. No longer do we serve in the old way of a written law, but in the new way of the Spirit.

Romans 7:1‭-‬6 GNB

And please whats your point?...

KingCheezyPuff:
[color=#ff99ff] don't strain ya fingers typin',the answer is simply.... YES[/color]

This write up will shake the marital world.

*This write up does not encourage adultery in any form but it is about pointing out the erroneous belief as regards the act of adultery and divorce in relation to the scriptures.Every man must love and be faithful to his wife.

I have seen many situations where a wife leaves her husband against all odds because he committed adultery and she will quickly use the scripture to back up her action.

But does God really permit a wife to divorce an adulterous husband?

According to Islam

The fact that polygamy is an acceptable norm in Islam does not give room for much debate over this matter but nevertheless,there are laid down guidelines to follow if a wife has good evidence that her husbands committed adultery(Please refer to Fataawa 89039 and 85031).

From the bible

God never intended to give any instruction as regards divorce because GOD hates it as it is written in Malachi 2:16 : "For I hate divorce !" says the LORD , the God of Israel.

However, the hardness of MAN's heart(Not the woman) made Moses give men the opportunity to divorce their wives.

While many bible scholars have postulated that whenever a "he" is used in the Bible,it usually applies to man and woman and i perfectly agree but when it comes to matrimonial matters, the bible is very gender specific and has meticulously used the words man,woman,husband and wife with specific instructions relating to each one.


1 corrithians 7:10-11
"But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband.But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

Matthew 19:5-9
" Why then," they asked Him, "did Moses command us to give divorce papers and TO SEND HER AWAY?"He told them, "Moses permitted you to divorce your WIVES because of the hardness of your hearts. But it was not like that from the beginning.And I tell you, whoever divorces his WIFE, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."

So the big question is; When is it right for a woman to divorce her husband?

The only Biblical ground for divorce for the woman is desertion by the man which is never the same as an act of adultery because strangely enough, a man may commit adultery but may not have any intention of deserting his wife.

Desertion is defined as the abandonment of a duty or post without permission and is done with the intention of not returning after all options of true reconciliation fails.

1 Corinthians 7:15. "But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound [by a marriage vow]. God has called you to live in peace".

Desertion by the man can come in many forms.
-If he denies her sex.
-Outrightly abandons her.
-Makes her a punching bag
-Refuses to take care of her and the children even when he is capable


I don't know if this makes sense.

Swissheart:
Thanks for writing this. I don't understand why people think it is hard to forgive. I know of a guy,a medical doctor by profession (cute,comfortable,learned and in all ramifications decent) whose girlfriend got pregnant for an older man who could bore her. The man accepted the baby but not the lady. That led to a breakup btwn them. The guy was disappointed that he refused to see her for a long time. Few years later,the guy came back to her and made it known that he had forgiven her a long time and that he gave her time to get herself together ,that he never left. Her response was shocking....she said he was too good for her blah blah. They aren't dating now because she refused. Things are happening,people are getting better daily. Life is too short to love with conditions. Your life,your love.

Insightful..

Btw I have an awkward habit of checking the dp of any female that mentions me and I must say you look dapper.

Joy1706:
Err...... He breaks his marital vows (infidelity), doesn't provide for her or his baby, completely useless as a husband and a father, he is emotionally abusive,irresponsible. Yes my dear, SHE SHOULD LEAVE THE HORSEBAND. She is a 'married spinster'.

Oga you that you're divorced nko. What business do you have advising a married woman? If you were so wise and experienced, sheybi you'd still have a wife?

LOL! At least i have walked that road before so i have an experience of the road map innit?

mizzochocinco:
in the past you have been forming single guy, suddenly you have a wife? Or you weren't proud of her until now? na spiritual wife be dat? I don't want you, you are a decade or 2 too old for me

That will make me take a better care of you because dating a guy too close to your age may not be too cool...no be person be Former bank Governor wey marry girl of 18 so what is 10/20 years difference? Abeg park well joor.