₦airaland Forum

Stinginess I think means much more than just withholding money.

A man showers you with money and gifts, but when it comes to night time, he switches on the tv, watches his favourite shows, ignores you, you get tired and start feeling sleepy, at which point you make your way to bed, but first you try and kiss him, and he doesn't care, he doesn't kiss back, because his tv is more important, you go to bed, and lie feeling a deep desire for a want from him, affection.

I think affection is much more powerful.

Firstly, I have only ever ONCE received a gift from a guy, and I thought it was weird, we had only just met and he was showering me with gifts, forcing me to notice him. I didn't like him because of it, and he probably didn't understand that. When we start placing money first, we start doing things the wrong way around.

I don't think women are being hypocrytical but some women obviously think money and gifts are the best way to tell a guy's intentions. How many players can buy a diamond necklace tell me, but how many can listen to you pour your emotions, kiss you goodnight everynight, make sure to check up on you at work.

Roses are sweet, jewellery is amazing, but without the thought and love behind it, it spells nothing. Okay, let me imagine, I've been with a guy for a year and he has not bought me a single gift, that would be strange, because of course it would have been my birthday, but if he's made my year special, for example done something else, that left a much more powerful gift in my heart, e.g. if he created a wonderful memory from a moment, I would not feel any worse off than the woman across the street with her 24carat diamond ring.

I don't want a stingy or cheap man, but money is not the only way to tell this. A rich man can be stingy in attitude even when he's giving you all the diamonds in the world.

kenesi:
leave  the issue of getting slapped or not,  yeah, from my own point of view, i think sex is sumfin you should get when you want it, pay for it or not, but am not a payer for sex though, look., like you can walk into a fast food restaurant if you are hungry to get food, you can also walk into somwhere to get  laid, payin or not,  but sharp guys dont pay for sex

You can't walk into a fast food 'joint' and get food without paying for it. People starve because they are pennyless and people can't 'get' sex because they haven't got the right 'currency' if you know what I mean.

Is it that she likes to talk too much on the phone, is it that she likes to talk about emotions or subjects that make you feel uncomfortable. Is it that you dislike talking on the phone, or that you just don't care for it? What are the reasons, what is making you so agitated about the phone calls? Does she bitch on the phone, is she a gossip. I have no clue.

Though women always say that you shouldn't lie to them, this doesn't mean that when you are telling the truth, be it something tasteless like asking for sex from a stranger, that they won't use their common sense and decide for themselves/ say no.

Reasons why most girls would be shocked and say no could be:

1 The girl used to casual sex is not attracted to you,
2 The girl who is insecure may feel like you're implying that she is easy, be it from her appearance or things you've heard & 1,
3 The girl who is confident and used to casual sex may feel that you need to work harder for that because many guys 'want' it too,
4 The girl who is confident may feel that you're too cocky for your own good,
5 The girl who is not into casual sex or abstaining is simply that; abstaining


The girl who says yes; would probably have had her eye on you for a while and may have fantasised about you too, and is probably a 'love in the club' type of girl.

Feel free to amend these. .

There are so many stereotypes in Nigeria, no Africa, no the world. Seriously, I have heard a few people tell me that Igbo men are lovely husbands, doting on their wife and cherishing her. However, I've also heard, that they can be dominating, and expect the wife to be completely subservant or shall we just say servant.

Who knows, I think most Yoruba women just want a great man, but all these stereotypes might force some towards some tribes and push others from the same tribe.

Do we have individuals anymore??

Are we going to forever argue on this forum!!??! It's a personal decision, those who are real, smart and true in love will succeed. If those who want money, sex, are greedy, rude, disrespectful and abusive, want to continue doing that, then that's their choice. Pray you choose the right guy, pray you choose the right girl. Eliminate those guys and girls that do not meet the quota, and just move on with the one who does, because there are millions of them out there, thinking exactly the same thing, entering their deepest thoughts and frustrations into a forum this very moment.

Dear poster, you're being very vague. Is it cheating you're refering to, or just thoughts??

If it's thoughts I think that's natural, unless you have a past record of cheating or being disloyal in relationships. Usually most people can't think about other girls when they're infatuated with someone, but this is past that right?? She's no longer an infatuation, you're going to say, you're in love with her .

Anyways, it seems to me that you've made up your mind that you were going to choose to be with the girl in question, this was probably a really rational thought, you've weighed the pros and cons, however your heart isn't rational, and even though the girl in question ma tick all the boxes for some reason, you keep thinking about other girls.

I have heard this over and over again, usually from my friends who know what's good for them, but they can't resist the temptation from other girls.

Let me tell you something; guys; throughout your life, women will never stop flirting with you, especially if you are goodlooking, it doesn't stop. YOU have to be the one to draw the line and respect the no.1 woman in your life, be it your mother, your girlfriend or your wife.

I actually don't enjoy being spoilt just for the 'yes' because it brings a lot of anxiety about 'what happens next'. .

And we all know a lot of people are short-sighted, and the thrill from the yes, might wear off if they aren't genuine. I don't mind a guy not throwing himself at me, as long as he is smart and observant, for I'm surely doing the same thing, watching him.

If a guy feels that it's his duty to buy gifts and treat his crush then it could take away the desired effect, it could be less like romance and more like obligation and responsibility. It loses meaning and can become routine.

That's what I think anyways.

How have you come to the conclusion that she would make a bad wife because she likes to gist on the phone?? Have you tried to find any solutions that work for both of you, does she like her space, and finally is she actually interested in being married to you??

I liked what Davidylan said, even though I'm pretty sure this topic is not about catering things to what people want to hear.

I wouldn't change anything about myself apart from a few times I compromised my deserved decisions, decisions that anybody who truly loved the person they were with, would have supported.

If the EFCC 'works' then I think that may encourage the crackdown on the police force. But who will be doing this crackdown?? A new special team to sort out the police??

Hi, I think it's great to get your priorities right, a lot of women have them in reverse, they chase the guys and then have no education so they are nothing without the guy.

However, it is important to keep your eyes open, observe these platonic male friends, they will evolve before your very own eyes (and some may get worse). This way you will notice a good thing when it comes your way. If you have your eyes completely sealed shut, you may miss a great guy, who might have been interested in you and willing to accomodate both your drive for climbing up the career ladder and your personality, now that is a great combination, and who knows he may also be your physical and intellectual type.

I'm also focusing on my studies, but I definitely have my eyes open.

Now the question is:

Are you still focusing on your studies/career these days??

Though she is very mature for her age, she will be imature in some issue or the other. Just hope that that issue isn't important to you.

Change it to 'in a relationship'. .

Why have you got it as 'it's complicated' anyway?? Are you committed to her? Then what's so complicated ?

Marriage is a convenant, and should be for life. When making decisions that have such great consequences on your life, you should always take your SWEET SWEET time to evaluate all the reasons, consequences and other things that could come into the picture once married.

It is obvious that you do not love her, I'm not even sure you married her becase you genuinely believed that it was the right thing to do. It seems that you have not yet managed to convince yourself that you're doing the right thing, hence I'm not convinced either.

Right now, within marriage it is not advisable to do anything else but to honour your marriage. After two years you are thinking of quitting things with her, I mean have you seen a doctor about this, a professional and not a herbalist. They should check the state of both of your reproductive systems. There is technology, she didn't use it the first time, don't both be fooled twice.

I hope there is at least some understanding and honesty between the two of you, because if you didn't think about your marriage beforehand that's one thing, but then bringing children into such a relationship is another, try not to make selfish decisions.

africhika:

so am i the only lady in the world who wants a guy who is a happy virgin!?     

Who told you that, and how did they conduct that survey??

Rape is when either the guy or girl forces sex upon the other. Rape is a crime, even with your husband, lover or boyfriend.

Normal sex is casual sex. This is not a crime (as long as it's not with a minor).

Genetics I guess. Google it if anything. As for the topic, you're asking for our general opinions on white pubic hairs. . wow!!

And now because of the series of coincidences, you'll probably only make certain decisions on April, you'll end up forever being very cautious in April, and probably believing that April will never hurt you.

Don't be too superstitious. .

You don't know your boyfriend's address, nor do you know any mutual friends who can provide you with his number.

What did you do before the age of mobile phones??

Do you have no idea where he works, where he hangs around, who he associates with??

Really??

I would advice you educate yourself, though sex is natural, getting it right might not come so naturally for some, I suggest you ask your more experienced friends for any good tips.

Also, for all those people telling him he should have 'practised' - I really believe every woman is different, and someone who has had sex countless of times will still have to start from the very beginning to learn how to satisfy his particular woman.

Truly, he should just be open minded, and talk openly about sex, I think it's also good to know your body, what turns you on and what is a turn-off. You don't have to have penetration just use your knowledge and wit.

Noetic: it's more than just insecurity, it's fear, fear of maybe the past repeating itself. Yes, a little of it is insecurity but most decisions made in relationships are in fact less to do with love than they are to do with fear of rejection and insecurity. Relationships these days are rarely inhibited.

To the OP; one of the things that worries me, is him being unable to tolerate some of my habits, and yes of course, the idea that 'this might be too good to be true;, "is the playing me". .

But most of the time, I'm too busy staring into his amazing eyes and thinking of the what happens next and the romance to worry. It's only after he's gone that I will start thinking down the path of insecurities.

Years back when hi5 was beginning to get really popular it wasn't too safe, due to lack of permissions and basically lots of men and women using it as a way of getting in contact in order to have flings.

Young girls would get random messages and adds, and occasionally pornographic ads would be sent in private messages. This problem unfortunately was solved much later than it should have been, in comes Facebook and all their wonderful privacy settings, and hi5 is no more than a shadow. .

I never really liked hi5.

Just tell her, better warned now than later.

Distancing themselves from the lady in question. This is probably more emotional than physical, though it could be both. He could stop calling as often, reduce visits, or even get a job somewhere else or move somewhere he can think clearly.

Giving a woman space is all about making her feel your loss, making her see what it is like not having your services, be they physical or emotional, she doesn't have someone to confide in who will be there at her beck and call, early hours in the morning to hear her frustrations and put her to bed, he won't be there to pick up her deliveries, bring her lunch, take her out to romantic meals, typically all the things that the guy used to do.

Remove the benefits and you've given her space. She gets a taste of life without you, hopefully she realises how much you mean to her, and she searches for the guy, trying to get back in contact. If the guy did it to get the woman's attention, he now has the advantage, as she has realised how much she really needs him.

Sometimes this backfires though, she may never call, or be thrilled with the new freedom and space she's received.

You've got to be careful when you give a woman space, because this also includes thinking space, and if you weren't all that good a guy to her in the first place, don't be surprised if she loves the space so much, she'd rather it be left that way.

Happy Birthday

Everyone wants to have their cake an eat it, but I would rather fill up on the tastiest than eat many nasty ones, and only have one nibble at the best tasting one.

jassie:
_{Hmm. . . Sounds Familiar. . .}

That's what I was thinking.

C2H5OH:
stop telling lies.  This is not true.
I've given girls ultimatums before and it's not because I wasn't into her.

It's all relative, I wouldn't give any guy I really honestly felt was the right one for me, or 'best for me' an ultimatum.

We're not talking about a girl who is messing around and having committments here, we're talking about someone who is taking things slowly, still trying to get to know the guy. To give an ultimatum isn't serious in this case, it's like pushing someone to discard their common sense (which is telling them to get to know the guy better) and just run off with him to start a romance pronto. Such an ultimatum is usually from an unserious guy. Patient are those who are really confident in what they are getting, impatient are those who are uncertain or might have another destination queued after yours. .

Changing yourself to find men and keep them, will only result in an unsatisfactory relationship where you must pretend to be someone else in order to keep the man. He doesn't love you, he loves what you're trying to be.

Men are smart, they can tell if you're pretending also.

Wouldn't you rather be single than in a relationship where you have to hide your true self.

Holding a man is not your decision, in fact the harder you pull, the harder he'll push.

Working on yourself pays back tenfold and more, improving your outlook, behaviour, achievements and making yourself well-rounded is always beneficial.

What were the reasons for being dumped - because have you ever thought that the problem might be him and not you??

If he left you so he could be single and sleep around, would you want to make yourself easier or a nympho, because that type of guy will always look elsewhere and could even complain that despite you being available all the time, it's now boring with you.

Dear, there will always be a reason for a guy who doesn't really want to be with you.

Alternatively even if the guy was a player, if he really felt something strong wiht you, you wouldn't have to try any harder than the next woman to keep his interest in the relationship.


P.s. A good girl doesn't have to be a walk-over, doesn't have to lack an opinion or be agreeable all the time, doesn't have to always put the other's needs first, doesn't have to be 'perfect'. She can have morals, a personality, be humble but most of all, be herself.

Wow, firstly, that is not the full story, as in, I don't believe for one moment that it was a spur of the moment decision. I mean he even changed his number.

Is the guy really spiritual, and what does an old woman have to do with your relationship. If he is spiritual it could be a case of him believing that he has received a revelation, whilst if it's not, he probably is just using it as an excuse.

I really don't want to cheapen your memories of your relationship but maybe it wasn't everything you thought it was, he could have easily been putting on a pretence and if it fooled you, there is no reason why it could fool others too.

It's really good to listen carefully to a guy in a relationship, has he ever raised any queries, maybe about his family not accepting your relationship, or his parents being controlling, or maybe he has someone who advises him, who he really respects, who he would blindly follow.

For now, believe that he wasn't worth, honestly, no one is worth pain, isn't surviving in this world difficult enough without lies and deceit from those who are supposed to shelter you.

Seriously, you can consider it as an escape, he could have married you and then disappeared, many have had it worse, and believing that you got away easier than them could be the first step in being grateful, which can help you put things in perspective.

What he did was terrible, no doubt, but dwelling on it is unfair to yourself, if you need to dwell though, dwell, but after a while, move on, make sure you grieve him properly, don't try and pretend that everything's okay, you obviously cared for this guy. Just remember that heartbreak is a part of life, which, yes, you didn't have to experience, but its lessons are better learnt whilst you're still young and able to turn back and make changes.

All the best.